starryfrogg

[starryfrogg]

“i love you” is ❤️❤️❤️ but alsoooo:

- “this made me think of you”

- “i missed you so much”

- “i picked this out for you”

- *plays with hair*

- *swings an arm around you*

- “i’m glad you’re here”

- *tight prolonged hug*

- “i wish i’d met you sooner”

- “i’m in if you are”

- “i saved you a seat”

- “i was just thinking about you”

- “you’re my favorite person”

- “you make me laugh/smile”

- “hey, i appreciate everything you do for me”

*catches them smiling at you or just looking at you endearingly*

[starryfrogg]

I bet Ursela gives the best hugs,

Though her being part sea creature might mean semi cold hugs, I’ll take anything I can get at this point

[starryfrogg]

Almost lost it today but I kept myself together. Mental B loading….

[starryfrogg]

Been wanting to hold someone’s hand, maybe go on a picnic, and chat about random things.

Recently picked some flowers I grew but had no one to give them to. So I just gave them to myself. I should grow some more flowers. They make the bees happy and they’re nice to look at.

[starryfrogg]

Rewatched all the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings movies because it calms my soul and also makes me cry in a good way.

The bond that Sam and Frodo have is one that I may never experience in this lifetime.

And the trust that the fellowship placed in him to see the quest through was so beautiful. I cry every time and I love that.

When I was younger, I was a really big one piece fan. Still am. But what keeps me coming back is how strong their bonds of friendship are. In my baby mind, that’s how all friendships should/would be like. But as an adult, I found that that is not true most of the time.

I learned the hard way that there are people who will take all that you have to give, but won’t give you much thought or concern when you experience hard things. I have loved some past friend too hard and when I realized they didn’t really care about me like I did them, it hurt real bad.

But I am making the active decision to not let that stop me from making deep connections. I just now am more picky who I give my endless love too.

And maybe that’s okay. It just means I am able to make better decisions on who is worth it and isn’t. And I don’t burn myself out anymore trying to help ppl who don’t want to help themselves.

[starryfrogg]

Currently broke but im gonna work my ass off this Spring and Summer to afford a trip to London. I’m actually really excited about it.

I’ve been feeling this pull to go back but maybe its because I miss not having to worry about work or classes 24/7. I need about 1k to afford a round trip ticket, hostel, and money for food, trinkets and an emergency if need be.

If I don’t make that in time, I might just go explore Boston cuz that’ll be cheaper. It’ll be my first solo trip but I am optimistic!

I’m feeling excited and a little nervous but I hope to see it through!

[starryfrogg]

I need an adventure! Ir just a loiter on a bench or something

[starryfrogg]

Scared money dont make money!!!!

Im scared but I don’t wanna die not having gotten over a confusing and unrequited love so I’m trying Bumble again.

Trauma, trauma go away and don’t come back another day.

[starryfrogg]

Being a person is really hard. Feeling things is very hard. Cuz you can’t run away from feelings. Everyday I need to do things that keep me from overthinking. I also have to feed myself, make myself presentable to leave my house, constantly clean, and work a job.

I think it’s a curse. A curse that it takes me so long to actually develop feelings for people. Because then when the person I like shows clear signs of not liking me back, I’m devastated. It’s not supposed to be but, the rejection feels personal. It’s exhausting trying to push my feelings away because my stupid brain always wants to blame something. It always wants an explanation as to why this didn’t work out. Who best to blame but me. It only makes sense that I’m not good enough. That I wasn’t or didn’t do enough to make them fall in love with me. It’s especially hard when I develop feelings for a friend. A person who has firmly integrated themselves into my life and routine for the past year and a half.

I think they know I like them. Which make it worse. I’m not particularly good at hiding my feelings. Are they choosing to ignore them in an effort to keep our friendship? Or because they like keeping me around knowing I’d do anything for them if they asked? I’m really not sure but the thought of it is suffocating me. I can’t quiet the thoughts, nothing is helping. So I just keep myself busy and push down the tears. Because this too shall pass.

This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through this, and probably won’t be the last. I just want to finally love someone who loves me back. I deserve that at least.

[starryfrogg]

What am I so afraid of?

Being vulnerable is embarrassing especially in front of someone I like? With online dating it’s different.

The person you meet doesn’t know you as a person so you have a short amount of time to make them want to stick around. Then you tell them whats wrong with you and hope they stay.

What if they don’t stay? What if all the suspicions I had about myself are try and there is something wrong with me that’s too much to make people want to stay?

Well if they don’t stay, that just confirms that they weren’t meant for you. And that’s okay.

But that still doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t t want to do this. I think I would rather get to know someone in person and become friends with them first before the idea of dating is on the table. I would just feel more comfortable that way.

I think that’s okay too. But in order to meet new people, you’ll unfortunately have to put yourself out there and try new things. Cuz the things you have been trying, haven’t worked.

[starryfrogg]

Yesterday night I was fighting demons (my own thoughts) and I cried.

I think it was the stress of work and my class, and I think I was just feeling unlovable? But all is well now. I cried it out and then I went to sleep.

My body doesn’t hurt like it has been the last few days and I think that is something to feel greatful for.

I really like my ta in plant id. He is very nice. And I really feel like he wants us all to succeed. Which makes me want to do well in class. Ive also been trying to be more concious about getting more sleep because i realize that is one of the most important things affecting my mood since Ive been working alot and need to study afterwards.

That’s all I have to say.

Thanks for listening.

[starryfrogg]

I swore off the dating apps months ago but I redownloaded bumble and Im thinking about giving it a go again. But im so scared of getting hurt and I still have the tiny issue of still liking [them who shall not be named]. In that sense I think its a bit unfair for me to consider dating someone when I still harbor those feelings.

[starryfrogg]

2024

So after crying, feeling shitty, crying some more, having my best friend call me an idiot and ignore me when I tired to open up about my sadness, and now just feeling pangs of sadness, I think I’m ready to let go. Sometimes figuring thing out alone isn’t the best way, but the only way. I was really depressed for a few days.

It’s really hard letting go of feelings you had for someone that grew slow and steady over the past year. And its even more so considering this is the 2nd time I really liked someone who doesn’t like me back. And I don’t feel romantic feelings for people easily or often.

I don’t want to be second best. I want to be someone’s first choice. And if I can’t be that, then I don’t want them. I deserve better.

Its okay! I want to believe that some time soon, I’ll meet a wonderful person who likes me back. There’s too many people in the world for that not to be true.

[starryfrogg]

Literally kicking my feet and giggling just watching them talk about something they’re passionate about.

Gahhh I’m in too deep…

[starryfrogg]

Guess who went the whole day without saying happy new year to me?

My crush.

It’s confirmed. They don’t like me like I like them. They just like me as a friend and not even a good friend. They only text me when they want me to do something or if they’re responding to something I said. I’m tired of being the only one initiating conversations and feeling like if I’m not useful to them I’m not worth their time.

I already struggle with feeling comfortable taking up space in people’s lives. I can’t relapse after I’ve made so much progress.

If I end up liking another person who doesn’t like me back, I’m gonna swear off romance forever. This is the second time it’s happened and it’s a bummer because I don’t feel romantic feeling for people often.

So I’m letting go of my feelings. :(

[starryfrogg]

Confusing

It's so fucking confusing figuring out if someone likes you romantically or just as friend when they always go above and beyond to be nice to you (and everyone). At this point, I might just ask them directly if they like me because this is stupid. And I refuse to giggle in my room at the idea of them liking me when I could just be wasting my time, again.

New years resolutions;

Be kind to yourself and others (even when life is kicking your ass)

Stand your ground and believe that you have all you need to succeed

Be more bisexual

Go out to a gay bar

Let go and have some fun

Be direct and confess when you like someone romantically.

[starryfrogg]

Things I find really sexy

(This is going to be an ongoing list)

1. Nipple/Septum piercings and rings

I don’t know how to explain it beyond that. I just really like the way they look on all people. I think it just add and air of dominance to someone and I just find that so attractive. I have a septum piercing myself and I 100% believe that it alone has made me hot.

2. People into rock climbing

So I mean I’m a little biased as I have a crush on someone who’s into rock climbing deeper than its a strength thing. Like if you rock climbing often, I imagine you’d give the strong comforting hugs that could shied me from all the bad things in the world. Ive tried rocking and that shit is kinda hard but it’s definitely fun.

3. Asking me what I want to do

And this one might sound stupid but I love love love when I’m out with someone and they ask me what I want to do. I’ve kinda lived my whole life being led around and expected to just do things one way and accept it. So when someone asks me what I think or wants to know what to do next based on my comfort level, that shit is so hot. Like I’ve automatically fallen madly in love with you. Oops my pupils are heart shaped now.

4. Tummies and boobs

Honestly I turn feral when I see people with tummies. Boobs are a plus. I just love seeing them because imagine how soft and warm they would feel. They’re also grounding to me in a way. Idk who else to explain that.

5. Trimmed armpits and pubic hair

I can’t back the people who think shaving is the way to go. Adults are hairy it only natural to have hair. Its also a grounding thing to me. Like I want to pet it.