I post life stuff because I am bored so don't follow this account if you don't care. But for people who do ( don't think people would), they can listen to my shit life and "tea".
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July 14, 2020
You wanna know what scares me?
Me being recorded and posted somewhere....
Idk I'm just paranoid I feel like if I do anything I'll probably get recorded and put on the internet. I didn't do anything I don't think I did anything but just remembering about yelling at that girl 2 months ago and I think to myself 'did they secretly record me and posted it? O gawd I don't want to be known as that. I know I'll just learn how to be calm like I used to'. Idk just sometimes I get paranoid from thinking.
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Brother telling me to move on but it sucks for a friend to leave you when you and they we're good friends. Also sucks you had some feelings for them :( I wanna move on but my dreams are always us coming friends again but I know that isn't reality because she wouldn't want to because she basically left because "I treat her poorly and say sorry just to say sorry". That hurts when I tried to be the best I can be. But then I think 'have I treated her poorly? What did I do?'. I wanna tell her the truth of my feelings for her but I know I'll get rejected. Meh I'll just hold all my feelings in and voice :/ I use to vent on insta but that's why my brother told me to but I can't just forget about it just like that, and I like to express. Isn't telling ppl how you feel gets most of that weight off you? I wish I could still have that energy to type...
July 10, 2020 Fri 3:17pm
Also I'm sleep deprived :/
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Everything I use to like sounds like shit like movies, shows, music, hobbies is just shit. Also sad that pride month is ending. my friend left me on June 11th. I just felt dead inside. Sorry for not posting but at the same time I don't feel that sorry. I just don't have the energy to post anymore. I started drinking Red bull and it's okay, it's better than all the other drinks I use to like. I've been watching South Park only on season 9. I live off Red bull, 5 hour, mints, and South Park, Everything else that I use to like is just shitty like the music I listened to the shows/movies I watched just shit. And lately, I guess I saw more of the world... How shitty it is and that everyone in my neighborhood besides my friends are just shitty rude people. The only thing that isn't shit to me our my friends but one left so it's like everyone is just split. I don't even know how this summer is gonna be awesome when there's shit everywhere and that I won't have friends by my side. It's gonna suck becoming 13 I don't feel that all excited about it like I use too. I guess it's cool but not that cool just meh. I also wonder how 8th grade is gonna be like..... Oh wait it's gonna be shit because everyone is complete split and I might have to be forced to be in classes with my ex and ex best friend. Also been planning to get a Stan marsh hat because I love the character and the color. I hope ppl don't make fun of me. Also I like Kenny and Kyle. Ya know what I'm actually wanting to move away from here now because it's shit everything is shit except my friends and I wish I could bring them with me but I know I can't. I just wanna leave Tacoma. Go somewhere where it's better. But what I really wish for is for everything to go back to the way it was when we were all friends and it was chill and I was happy.
June 30, 2020 Tue 9:25am
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May 31 2020 9:48pm
Sorry I haven't posted but here is the updates.
So recently I been making bigger versions of the Snappers/poppets. So people around where I live spread about me having them like wild fire because no one could ever shut up. I've had this girl bully me and when she found out she wanted to be my "friend" just so she could get some but I always said no. My brother doesn't want me to have the bigger snappers/poppets because everyone is talking about it and shit. Now same with my parents. For some reason I snapped because I thought they talked shit about my brother so I waited across the street from her house to yell at her. I did and they kept denying, soon security came and so I went home which made them found out where I live. And I felt like shit because now what, people are gonna gang up on me and shit just because I tried to stand up and confront them. My life's a mess I'm probably just gonna return the snappers/poppets because it's no fun anymore when people are just gonna tell everyone about you sounding like a bad way. I don't want to throw it at anyone I've never have, but rage gets to me.
Also later today, when I was with my parents bring busy, my brother texted mom saying that there's people surrounding the house and he thinks it's because of me making bigger versions of the Snappers/poppets. I now feel scared and I'm just frightened. I tried to not be afraid of them but I'm that type of person that's just afraid of everything. I've let my friends down because she wants to teach em a lesson and she isn't afraid and tells me not to but I am.
But now what, half the people in my neighborhood are wanting to gang up on me just because I tried to stand up!? What will happen when I go walk around? Why are they able to confront and shit but when I do everyone just wants to wait outside my house to do something probably real nasty to me. Idk I really messed up. Maybe if I go die it will be better.
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She is woke, wish I could be woke with her. A friend is mad at me so/us so I am thinking to forget about them for a while
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April 29 2020 2:08 am
So with Franki at brother's friends house chilling playing on vr. Everyone is woke while I'm just decent so I'm just that one kid at a party that's not really doing anything just scared. I tied playing a game I did pretty good so now I'm just chilling in the bathroom writing this, wondering if I'll get sleep to walk later today. I drank a cola I didn't want to but I was pep af so heh yeah....
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April 25, 2020 12:41am
So I been using honey on my skin to help. It's supposed to help but I don't really think honey would help
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April 22 2020
I fucked my skin up it's all dry around my neck and face. I tried fixing it but it makes it worse, well feels that way. It feels like my parents won't do shit to help. But it's my fault that I won't tell them much because I'm afraid. I give them signs that I'm upset and that my skin is messed up. They should clearly see it but they don't.... Or they don't care. I just wanna sleep forever. Stay in my room all day. Not eat. Yeah I'm getting fat anyway so better to not eat. I've been crying everyday now at least 5 10 times. I been scratching my eczema lately today I wouldn't treat it because if they don't care or see my skin then minds well let it all go to hell and suffer more. Then what, they're gonna start helping. YouTube doesn't help. Nothing helps. I'll just let it go to hell and maybe it could be nice enough to kill me. Im 12 years old man just wanting to be 13 so I could die... I'd rather die at 13 and up. I just wanna die at 13 I can't wait anymore. So desperate to become 13 and die. It feels like I already lost all my youth. I just gotta let it get worse with my depression so then I could suffer even more.... I'll have a GREAT FUCKING SUMMER SUFFERING WHEN I COME 13 NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING BUT SUFFER TRYING TO FIX MY SKIN AS EVERYONE GETS TO BE HAPPY...... That's all I want. Is to have clear healthy skin and to be happy.....
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April 18,2020
I hate it I wanna beat his fucking ass. So before school ended my boyfriend acted weird but won't text me. So I keep texting him but no reply and so I said to myself forget it and moved on without telling because I wanted to wait till face to face but turns out I can't because school is dead and fucking quarantine. So I'm free as a bird and I love it I forget about him alot.... Until I see him active.... That makes me pissed I don't miss or love all I wanna do is fucking punch him in the gut. So every time I think about it or think of scenarios it pisses me off. Ugh. I just don't wanna go to 8th grade and see him be like Oh I lOvE yOU aND I mIsSeD YoU! That would make me explode and wanna beat his ass and yell but I can't fight and suck at yelling... I'm too quiet.
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Ugh it's rainy out and I wanna go walk outside. I am bored af
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April 17 2020
Realized how fat I am now so I am walking to try to lose it maybe jog
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April 12, 2020 10:32pm
Bored as hell, wishing I could play animal crossing but I can't because I don't have it or have a switch.
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April 11,2020 12:14pm
Bored thinking what to do, watching gravity falls
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April 10, 2020
I am waiting for my mom in the bank so since I have bad eyesight I chose to exercise my eyes on a sign but it's not working I am starting to lose hope with trying to get 20/20 vision.
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April 9 2020 11:07pm
Late and I have to go to bed soon but just wanted to say me and my friend are planning a party/ celebration after the hell of quarantine. Hopefully it doesn't come into shit.
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April 9,2020 6:41pm
Me and my dad are thinking tomorrow and beyond we start doing stretches and exercise, don't know if my mom will do it.
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