stealth-help

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there’s nothing wrong with me plus i don’t have any wants or needs plus i don’t feel or think at all

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im getting really fucking sick of all this “it gets better!” bullshit. im going to have depression for the rest of my life. it’s not going to “””get better””” fuck you

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Can you believe I'm having to make this meme even after successfully finishing up taxes and applying to job

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I’m telling you

to not hit your kids

to not spank or slap or punch or lash them

because it fucking traumatizes them

if you can’t handle irritation

if you can’t handle hyperactivity and loudness and wildness of a new human in development who is figuring out how their body works and what they can do and what they want to do

then what the fuck did you expect a child is

did you have kids with expectations of “oh i’ll have a small human i’ll be able to control completely”

“oh i’ll be able to shape this small creature into whatever I want it to be”

“oh I’ll have someone to support me and to work for me and pay for itself”

“oh I’ll have someone to comfort me and to love me despite my manipulative and cruel nature because they depend on me”

“oh I’ll be able to live the life I couldn’t through this new human that I made for myself who should listen to me always”

then fucking change all of these expectations to “I have chosen to help a new human to grow into whatever they’re supposed to be and I WILL NOT MESS WITH THEIR DEVELOPMENT TO SATISFY MY PERSONAL NEEDS”

If you can’t just fucking cherish that you have someone’s complete trust and affection and that you can watch them grow and figure everything, that you can follow through their phases and support them and be damn proud of them when they become what they want to be

then you’re not a parent material

stop fucking up your kids lives to make yourself feel better

asshole.

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Anna Akhmatova, from "The Sentence"

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I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

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after a scary incident with my brother I moved in with my best friend in another state. but the situation is still very precarious because I brought my cat, who is now peeing all over her house, in turn causing /her/ cats to pee all over the house and now it's a vicious circle.

my cat's never done anything like this before and I'm at a complete loss. he has his own quiet/safe/private area of the house with his own box and food and bed (it's also my room) to retreat to whenever he wants, no other cats allowed. yet when he needs to go to the bathroom, he begs to be let out so he can either use one of the shared boxes, or just pee on the floor somewhere instead.

my friend has an infant son whose health is at risk here, to the point where she's literally contemplating rehoming her own cat if the peeing doesn't stop, which makes me feel sick. I'm destroying their lives by being here, and if things don't improve, I'll return to living in an unsafe environment at the mercy of an abuser. rehoming my own cat is not an option, he's family to me. so I desperately need advice to make this work.

I'm currently spending all my waking time just watching the cats like hawks and it's exhausting. I don't know what to do, I'm at my wit's end. Things we've tried:

- cleaning the boxes daily

- new/extra litter boxes, including in the area where the peeing is happening

- litter with attractants

- rewarding with treats when the box is used

- pheromone diffuser

- thorough cleaning of pee spots with pet urine remover/steam cleaner

- anti-spraying spray

I've been scouring resources online to figure out what else we can possibly try, but I feel like outside of potentially medicating the cats, which I'd prefer not to do, we're running out of options. If anyone has any advice, I'm desperate.

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thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

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adhd will get you thinking "i should make this doctors appointment" every day for 7 months and counting

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Really fucked up that you can just inherit complexes from your mother and be fully aware that they're complexes from your mother but still do all that shit

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it's just sooooooo like. i feel like other people are so animated and driven and full of feeling and life and passion and connection with those around them and i'm just completely blank behind the eyes and i never do anything and i can't make myself authentically feel and think in that naturally comfortable way that most people seem to

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don’t understand where people get the energy to be an active participant in their own lives. the days just happen to me for real

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my inability to communicate properly has done irreparable damage to me as a whole