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[stephanietiffany]

[stephanietiffany]

Disappearing act.

Some say that: "absence makes the heart grow fonder". And trust, I believed it, too. For the longest time, I pushed people away from me. There was no way I'm letting anyone break through my walls. If they decide to leave, then there's the door. I'll hold it open for you. It was easy.. a walk in the park. Easier than having someone come into my life, waste my time and break my heart. That shit don't fly. So, I pushed - hard. And to be honest, I believed it was for the best. Because I had so much faith that those who leave my life will find their way back, if they were destined to stay in it. Then I met someone that made all that next to impossible. Broke through my walls and I happily invited him in. And like what I already knew.. in the end, he walked out that door and out of my life. His choice. And I tried so hard to save it. I invested my time, my dreams, my work, my heart.. on him. For once, I tried to the best of my abilities to save what I had with another person. I felt like I needed to. Because for the first time, I let someone in. I gave someone that opportunity, so they must be something special. But that's the problem with making an effort.. in time, it's no use anymore. You hit your breaking point, and you come to the realization that there really is no point anymore. I tried. I did.. so hard. Because I honestly just loved the way I felt loving him. Even when I didn't receive love, I still only wanted to just be able to give it. And I tried so damn hard because I wasn't sure whether I'd ever feel like this about him again. I tried to save it, save us.  But then I woke up. I realized that it gets much easier once you accept the inevitable. Once you accept that some things, as amazing or memorable, just don't work out.. it's just... easier. Much easier. The time that my heart and my mind finally agreed on something, only then was I able to breathe again. I was at peace with myself because now I know I'm capable of making those efforts, and most importantly, I know all that I am entitled to. With time, I realized that when others are absent from my life, it is a choice they make solemnly on their own. With THAT, the feelings in my heart slowly but surely disappeared. I should've known. 

[stephanietiffany]

[stephanietiffany]

My lack of interest in seeing you is not a strategy. I’m not playing hard to get. I don’t want to see you because I turned my life upside down for you and you walked away because for a week I was cranky. You’re untrustworthy, so I don’t want to see you. You’re self-centered, so I don’t want to see you. I am a hundred percent certain that if I let you back in my life again, you will hurt me again.. so I don’t want to see you. This isn’t a ploy. I’m not pouting. I don’t want you in my life.

Grey’s Anatomy

[stephanietiffany]

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

Anonymous

[stephanietiffany]

Everyone loves to speculate, but rarely does anyone get their facts straight.

Stephanie Tiffany

[stephanietiffany]

When It Hurts | Avant

We gotta go to war..

[stephanietiffany]

Strength isn’t about how much you can handle before you break. It’s about how much you can handle after you break.

Anonymous

[stephanietiffany]

Confessions Of A Lady: The +1

As the days get longer and the weather starts to warm up, my calendar is starting to fill up with more and more events. Weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, birthdays, get-togethers. Of course, it's a great thing. Mostly, when you're single since this is the best time for you to go out there, do you, and have fun. As I looked at all the paper invites for the more formal occasions, so that I could RSVP.. something that I usually paid no mind to finally caught my attention. My plus one invite. Oh. That never used to be a problem for me because obviously it was automatic that I'd bring the other half with me. It wasn't even just automatic with me.. it was an automatic decision with my relatives and friends. They were always with the, "make sure you bring so&so", or "are you bringing so&so?", or "hey, we put so&so on the list for you". It never really occurred to me how I would go about this situation. I honestly don't even know how I feel about it.. just yet. I think this is the part that I hate about being single. The needing a date part. To be honest, I don't even remember how it feels like to date someone. Like, when I mean date someone, I mean we aren't friends but we know each other and we are  strictly on the getting to know each other phase ― no sure feelings (yet). But even that, it's tricky bringing a person you're just getting-to-know to one of your best girlfriends' wedding. I might as well wear a sign that says: "I don't know how I feel about him, so stop asking". True story though. To a birthday? Okay, I can dig. To a wedding? ..ummm. I look at the invitation once over again and finally made the most practical (and not to mention, ethical) decision: RSVP for one minus the plus one. Because if I never had to worry about having a date before, I'm not about to do it now. I may not remember the dating scene, but I sure know that you don't just get-to-know someone because you need them to accompany you to a party. Now, that's lame.

[stephanietiffany]

I want to live darkly & richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, god, as a woman..... I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.

Anaïs Nin

[stephanietiffany]

STEPHANIETIFFANY.TUMBLR.COM/ASK

Anonymous said: what happened to your mother? best wishes goes out! Thank you for the well wishes. I really appreciate it. She was touch and go for a bit because her health hasn't been on the up and up, but she is definitely doing much better. I'd rather not get into details about it, but please know that your kind words are appreciated :)

[stephanietiffany]

From Rachel ― "Behind The Times"

"There comes a point in time where the countless times of crying and fighting add up.  The time we spent trying to make up for lost time never bridged the gap of the time we spent apart.  After some time, “Sorry” and “I love you” stopped meaning anything cuz we said it too many times. All the time we spent making war when we could have been making love make us want to go back in time to fix it.

Sometimes, it takes too long to realize and within the heartbreak, real time stands still.  Cuz I’m still stuck on that one time you told me you would love me for all time.  You’re still bent on that last time I spent my time elsewhere.  And we both won’t forgive each other for making it a hard time.

And although our time spent together wasn’t a waste of time, we both know that this time, really is the last time.  Better luck next time, I guess.

Time’s up."

Read the rest HERE. So familiar. 

[stephanietiffany]

Pick the day. Enjoy it to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come. The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present, and I don’t want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.

Audrey Hepburn

[stephanietiffany]

You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know — self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible. You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God, but merely a random act of fate. And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time.. FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Sonny Carroll

[stephanietiffany]

Confessions Of A Lady: "Now, tell me that ain't insecure.."

In a recent conversation with a homie of mine about drama, love and relationships, we took a good chunk of that time talking about insecurities. Let me tell you something about our well-known enemy "insecurities".. she's the motherfucker of all relationships. We've all been there. From the most gorgeous women to the most handsome men to the good personality types to the bad.. we have all been there. She's the baddest plague of all relationships. "You aren't in a secure relationship when you're insecure." Trust. It's funny because I've realized it really doesn't matter what age you're at, how experienced you are in relationships, or even how long you've been together ― it really all depends on YOU overall. The reflection of your relationship is a reflection of you as a person. After a series of what-would-you-do's and tell-me-a-time's, I recognized how much I've completely changed as a person in a relationship and as a separate individual. My mentality, my point of views, my reactions. Thank God. As I told my friend about all those psycho b*tch moments (shut up, you know you had them too) from my first relationship to my jaded moments of my second relationship to who I am now... it's intriguing. I look back at those moments and shake my damn head. But even though there are things that I should've done differently, I sure am glad I didn't do them differently. Because what I know now, I wouldn't have known if it weren't for those experiences. The bad, the ugly, and the down right stupid. I was young, inexperienced, stupid, selfish, stupid, selfish, stupidly selfish. I was just trying to get to know who I was and be comfortable with me, while trying to juggle the whole "first love" experience. Let me tell you, that did not pan out at all. I was confused by all these new emotions. I was going through all these experiences that I knew nothing about with this guy who was just as inexperienced as I was. It was a mess. A complete mess. It went from having a fairytale mentality to trying to mend my wounds to not trusting anyone with my heart. It's a process, alright. A tough one at that. But it's true that when you're finally comfortable and happy with who YOU are as a person (eg. what you have, what you lack, your looks, your personality, your mentality, what you're willing to offer, what you aren't willing to give), those insecurities in your relationship will fade. You finally understand that trusting your partner is essential to a successful relationship, but more importantly, trusting YOUrself in the highest level is the key to the lock.

[stephanietiffany]

I believe that suffering is part of the narrative, and that nothing really good gets built when everything’s easy. I believe that loss and emptiness and confusion often give way to new fullness and wisdom.

Shauna Niequist

[stephanietiffany]