stephistopheles - Tumblr blog

[stephistopheles]

Omg 😭

[stephistopheles]

I always tell people that if you tell me something 3 times, no matter how ridiculous or unlikely it is, I will probably believe you. Lying is not a tendency I have - I'm terrible at it and I think it's pointless, so I also don't tend to assume people are lying to me. 🤷

Fun fact : I hate April Fools Day because it really bothers me that people spend the day lying to each other and laughing about it. None of that seems like a good time to me.

[stephistopheles]

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the incomparable Jeremy Stolle for introducing me to one of my now absolute favorite phrases, "Stop it some more." 😁

...and for literally everything else you do.

[stephistopheles]

For as long as I live, one thing I will never understand is what could possibly possess a person to park their vehicle next to another parked vehicle in an otherwise entirely empty parking lot.

[stephistopheles]

So this is a thought I've been grappling with, a lot, for a long time, and a friend of mine posted something about it, so I'm ruminating on it.

What is it that, in some people, not liking/not agreeing with/not approving of a person then translates into "this person deserves my cruelty."

No person is required to like another person - any person. That's not an obligation any of us have. But I genuinely don't get what happens to the wiring in a person's brain that then makes them feel not only the need, but the RIGHT, to act horribly towards a person based on that. To willfully cause that person mental/emotional distress for the simple fact that they do not meet the standards of the person in some way.

There are plenty of people I don't currently like. Well, honestly, "plenty" is a bit of an exaggeration - there are several people I don't currently like. My reasons for not liking them are pretty well-justified, and mainly rooted in their negative attitude and behavior toward me.

But, that doesn't inspire in me the need, or even the want, to make them miserable. On the contrary, their behavior indicates to me that they are already miserable on some fundamental level. These are people I have tried to reason with on every human level I could to just treat me with a basic level of respect, and something in their mind thinks, "You? I don't like you, so why would I be anything but cruel to you?" And no matter how many times I've reflected on it, or tried to empathize with them, it's still beyond my capacity to grasp.

But, I guess that seems to be the fundamental difference between people who are abusive, and people who are not. How those sorts of people get from point A to point B in regards to "don't like this person" to "maximize the unhappiness of this person" will never be something I can truly connect in my mind.

Even in the midst of being treated with active hostility from multiple sources, I still don't think, "That person has treated me cruelly, so they deserve to be treated cruelly." At most, I've gotten to the point of thinking "That person has treated me cruelly, which is not something I deserve, so they should be held accountable so that they understand that treating anyone that way - not just me specifically - is not okay.

And, further, feeling the hurt, frustration, and betrayal of being a target for someone's abuse has just inspired in me the deep, flourishing desire to not only have them held accountable so that I feel safe, but so that no one else will have to be a target to that. Because I truiy and wholly believe that no one deserves to be made to feel worthless and devalued in that way.

I have a lot of thoughts going on in my brain about it... Currently, specifically wondering how to take my really shitty experience at my job and see if I can somehow make it into an initiative to provide more employee safeguards and resources in healthcare settings.

I've noticed that in trying to find information on how employees are protected from bullying and retaliation at my job, I'm coming up with very little. And I understand how in direct care work, protecting the recipients of services is of paramount importance - I would never disagree with that on any level. But without the direct care workers, none of what the company provides would be possible. It can often be a difficult and potentially unsafe position, so I'm confused as to why there aren't more protections for employees in place.

This has been long and rambling, but I'm getting to a point : in some people, disliking another person makes them deserving of cruelty in the eyes of the person being cruel. In myself, disliking another person means attempting to understand them, holding them accountable, and then protecting others in my position from possible harm in the same ways. Where does the road branch in those opposing directions, and why? And what has to happen to a person that makes them someone who finds enjoyment or validation in causing another person pain?

So yeah, I don't know. That was really just a massive thought dump, and I still don't get shitty people. But, no matter how many shitty people I come into contact with, I know this much : I don't deserve to be treated poorly, nor does anyone else. And no one is ever justified on making the choice to make another person distressed or miserable - ever. It's actually pretty simple : if you don't like someone, just leave them alone. Period, end of story, problem solved. Why do some people find that so difficult to do?

Sigh. Well, I can't change those people, and I certainly won't understand them it seems. But, what I can do with it is choose to let it reinforce the negative self-image that repeated mistreatment tends to create in a person, or, I can choose to grow in my empathy of others, and strive to make sure they can keep themselves safe more than I was able to.

Yep, this kind of went all over the place, but... There you go?

[stephistopheles]

I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be.

Joan Didion

[stephistopheles]

BAAAAHAHAHA

[stephistopheles]

I almost spat out my drink

[stephistopheles]

The tags on the bottom post are funny, because I have zero doubt that I had at least one past life in Russia. I remember at a kid, there was a big hill at the local park, and when I'd go to the top in the distance, I would "see"(imagine?) buildings reminiscent of those in Moscow. This was when I was very young, and had zero concept of any place existing outside of where I'd grown up.

There are so many examples I have of seeing places in dreams that I knew but have never been to, cultures I've always been drawn to, and I've been stuck in a hardcore 70s aesthetic pretty much since birth, so reading other people's experiences is really cool!

i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they’re the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought “i’ll check if they’re also crooked in my other mouth” and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths

[stephistopheles]

Life with rats

[stephistopheles]

So, these little dudes are rats with wings, essentially... And I must have them. 😭

[stephistopheles]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[stephistopheles]

This will be one not to miss!!!

Saturday, Nov. 18, 2023 • 9 p.m. EST: Laird Mackintosh, Julia Udine & John Riddle (Broadway 2023)

Someone buy @angelofmusicishere a coffee or a pony or something, because here's another video of theirs! I'm really really excited about this one, not just because it's Broadway (sob) and Laird (Laird!), but also because we get STOLLE PIANGI and GREG PASSARINO. Words cannot express how much this delights me.

As always, stream will be on cy.tube and shy anons are welcome. For more info, please see the Saturday Streams FAQ! Link and password will be posted here at 8:45.

[stephistopheles]

Tallest guy I ever dated was 6'5" and I'm 5'0"... 🤷 Come get me, Winslow!!!

Decided to compare my height with the Phantoms - Winslow is scary! Jk but wow I never realized how tall some of these guys are.

[stephistopheles]

***A socio-economic experiment/a call to arms.***

Hey Tumblr.

I had a witty reflection entry I intended to post, but my situation has now escalated(and by "my situation", I mean "my emotionally abusive husband"). My dire financial situation now has the added complication of needing to attempt to plan an escape. Nothing like adding stress to an already stressful situation.

The issue with crowd funding is it heavily relies upon the support of people you already know. So, ironically, the biggest challenge for those needing financial assistance generally only have other people needing financial assistance to share it with. (Cycle of poverty, still going strong.)

So, I'm reaching out to you for help, dear Tumblr. This happens to be one of the rare places where people from all socioeconomic backgrounds mingle without giving a fuck. If you're financially sound enough, please help; if you're not, please consider sharing. I really need to get the fuck out of my current situation, and desperately need help.

If you want more info on me and my plight, go here :

If you want to throw me a tip on here, feel free. I'm just in a situation I did not expect to find myself in, and need to get out. On the off chance this gains enough momentum to exceed my goal, I will use the excess to give to others who need it.

I'll take any help I can get - contributions, shares, good vibes, etc.

[stephistopheles]

Good to know that as a healthcare professional working for a non-profit and isn't sure how she will afford gas to drive home from work(much less even buy clearance Halloween merchandise), while I continue to hit new lows, the 1% can take Halloween to new fucking heights.

The cycle of poverty, y'all...