Steve was born in Richards Road, Princess End. He emigrated to Bradley at an early age, spent his teenage years in Parkfields and finally settled in Coseley. Steve has a passion for the Black Country and Wolves (the football team not the animal!). Steve was a keen runner and a member of Tipton Harriers for many years but dodgy knees have now put pay to pounding the roads. He also played Sunday League football up to the age of 44 at which point it started to take 4 days to recover and 3 days to get ready for the next game! Steve’s other passion is mountains. To celebrate his 50th birthday he spent three weeks in the Himalayas, trekking to Everest base camp and climbing 5,700 metres to the summit of Kala Patar. He can often be found in North Wales on less arduous climbs. Steve writes humorous short stories inspired by a sense of place and belonging to the area known as the Black Country. The stories are mostly fictional but the inspiration comes from real people, real places and real events. His first collection of short stories ‘The Ascent of Sedgley Beacon, The Bilston Moon Landing Hoax and Other Stuff’ was originally put together for family and friends but, by word of mouth, it has reached a much wider audience. Steve followed up on the success of his first book with ‘Don’t Spook the Bonk Oss’ which has also been very well received. Steve has received emails from as far afield as Australia, America and Cradley Heath! Steve has regularly had stories published in the Black Country Bugle and he has appeared on local radio to talk about his books. Steve also writes poetry based on a Black Country theme, some in dialect, some not. He has recently finished his first collection of poetry titled ‘It’s Poetry Aye It’.
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10 things you may not know about the Black Country
1. The area known as the Black Country is defined by the availability of orange chips. Chippies in the Black Country are said to be use thickest layer of orange coating in Britain.
2. Early descriptions of the Black Country mentioned dirty streams with no fish; a lack of trees and birds "except a few smoky sparrows" and miles of blackened wasteland scarred by spoil heaps and smoking furnaces. Today the Black Country is very different as all the sparrows have died.
3. Dud Dudley, illegitimate son of the 5th baron of Dudley Castle was the first person to use stale pork scratching to smelt iron ore.
4. Queen Victoria is said to have closed her carriage curtains when travelling through the Black Country as she felt like having a quick nap.
5. People living in Birmingham refer to Black Country folk as Yam Yams because Brummies aren’t very clever and lack any real sense of humour.
6. July 14 is officially registered as national Black Country Day because it is the anniversary of the invention of the world’s first faggot in 1712. Unfortunately mushy peas didn’t get invented until 1821 forcing many early Black Country faggot makers to go bust.
7. The Iceberg Detection System for the Titanic was manufactured at Netherton in the Black Country. Records show that only one was ever sold.
8. Shane and Shanetta Smith, from Tipton in the Black Country, were among the founding fathers of America. The couple were sent to the American colonies for stealing a turnip from Asda. Their descendants were said to include US president Abraham Lincoln and Fonzie from Happy Days.
9. The Black Country has links to the Gunpowder Plot. Several of the conspirators were killed at Holbeche House, Kingswinford, when they were popping out for a Sunday carvery and a pint of mild at the Dudley Arms pub.
10. The roof of Coseley Canal Tunnel was so low that the only way that boats could be propelled through the tunnel was by ‘legging’. A bonk oss would be trained to lie on its back on a plank across the bows of the boat and they would propel the boat with their hooves against the tunnel roof.
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Step Away From The Sink!
Now let me make it clear right from the start, I am a clean person, I have a shower once a month irrespective of if I need it or not.
However, I was reading in an article that handwashing has not always been believed to reduce the transmission of disease. Up until the late 1800's surgeons didn't scrub or wash their hands before surgery. Often Doctors and medical students would move from disecting a corpse through to examining new mothers without washing their hands. This led to a high mortality rate in maternity wards from puerperal or 'childbed fever'.
In the 1840's an Austrian-Hungarian physician named Ignaz Semmelweis realised the link between hand washing and the spread of infection between patients.
In the Vienna General Hospital, where Dr Semmelweis was a director, patients in the maternity ward were dying at such a rate that they were begging to be sent home rather than stay in the hospital. A colleague died from a dissection wound and Dr Semmelweis decided to analyse the situation. He found that the midwives clinic had a far lower death rate than the students clinic and through trying different hypotheses he concluded that hand washing was the answer. Through insisting the staff wash their hands with various anticeptics Dr Semmelweis greatly reduced the deaths in his wards.
At the time this was met with hostile reaction from other medical professionals who decided that even if there was some truth to the concept, it would take too long to wash their hands between patients. Dr Semmelweis continued his studies and published a book which was once again received poorly. In 1865 he was committed to an asylum where he died shortly after.
After Dr Semmelweis died the germ theory was confirmed by Louis Pasteur, a French Chemist and Microbiologist.
Today hand washing is a part of our everyday life and it is accepted practice to wash our hands before eating, after toileting and sneezing or coughing.
Now Then – Be honest, if you are over 50ish how often did you wash your hands when you were a kid? I can’t remember having to wash my hands before eating my dinner or tucking into sweets, cakes, biscuits, sandwiches etc.
We would go out to play in the streets, dog shite ridden parks, toxic pools and the odd filthy derelict building (No skate parks and padded floor play areas when I was a kid!) and I’m still here and healthy (ish).
Most of my mates are still around and I can’t recall anyone being constantly sick.
With all the hand sanitiser, foaming soap, liquid soap, commercial soap, natural soap, hand gels, sprays, foams and cleaning products on the market now are the kids of today actually any healthier than my generation were? Most of the people I know who have kids seem to tell me on a regular basis that their sprogs are off school with this, that and the other. Simple solution …… stop cleaning the little sprogletts!
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Dudley Soup
Did a quick performance for the folks at Dudley Soup. Great bunch of folks doing some great work to support local charities and big up Dudley area in general.
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The Price Of Fame!
I was listening on the wireless (as I still prefer to call it!) to a top comedian talking about difficult audiences he had encountered.
It made me think of when I did my stuff for ‘The Thimblemill Library Over 55s Every First Wednesday Of The Month Club’ (you don’t get many snappier names than that!!).
One lady knitted throughout and another fell asleep half way through my first poem.
Luckily the rest of the folks had a ‘good old loff’ and I got a lovely cup of tea and biscuits.
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Salt of the Earth
Went for a birthday curry with family this week. On leaving the restaurant our daughter who spends a lot of time up North commented as follows “If 9 of us had come out of a restaurant up North everyone would have spent 10 minutes doing hugs and air kisses to everyone else, we came out and said “tara” and set off home”. Yow've gorra love Black Country Folk!
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Savages!
An 1851 railway guidebook described the natives of the Black Country as "savages" and said "they converse in a language belarded with fearful and discusting oaths, which can scarcely be recognised as the same as that of civilized England."
Meks ya proud dow it!
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Trayt em
Trayt yer loved uns or trayt yerself, click on 'Buy' for a bostin bargin on me books!!
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Funerals
Unfortunately it is a part of getting older that you find yourself attending more funerals. My best suite now smells of ham sandwiches!
I’m also reminded of a quote from His Poetic Greatness John Cooper Clarke.
“Increasingly, I have to deal with bereavement. I could go to five funerals a week but that many vol au vents isn’t good for you.”
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Gondolas on Tipton Park
I have told this story many times because it always make me smile.
Many years ago during a Tipton Council Meeting a councillor suggested that it would be a good idea to buy a gondola for the pool in Victoria Park. On hearing this suggestion a fellow councillor responded by saying "Why not buy two and breed off them!" ...... Love it!!
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Tipton Civic Society
Had a great time performing my Black Country stuff at The Tipton Civic Society gathering last night. Bostin bunch of folks with a pride in their town.
Got the chance to have a chat with a few folks who told me some great anecdotes about Tipton Harriers, Tipton Town FC and The area in general.
The evening was made even better when the Society gave me a cheque to donate to Compton Hospice.
Check out their website at http://www.tiptoncivicsociety.co/.
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Stocking Filler for Christmas!
Check out 'Buy' for details of my books ...... They mek a bostin stockin filler fer the Black Country Blokes or Wenches in yower life!!
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When Elvis Came to Tipton
From Don’t Spook The Bonk Oss - Available from My Shop
The history books say Elvis Presley touched down at Prestwick airport on 3rd March 1960, the only place in the United Kingdom ever to be visited by ‘The King’. My auntie Betty knows differently. I recently visited her in the Princes End Retirement Home for the Bewildered and she told me the following.
“When I was a young lass in the 1960’s I used to write to Elvis Presley to tell him I was his number one fan. I used to send him letters four or five times a week telling him all about myself and my Elvis record collection, and about my cat who I named Elvis, and all about my Elvis newspaper cuttings, and about the sweater I had knitted with the words “Elvis the King” on the front, but he never replied.
Imagine my surprise when on 4th March 1960 I answered a knock on the door and standing there was the King himself. I was absolutely gob smacked! In fact you could say that I was all shook up! I invited him in and over a cup of tea and a dripping sandwich he told me that the Elvis that was filmed getting back on the plane was actually a look-a-like and that the whole event was staged so that the real Elvis could visit me. He told me that he looked forward to receiving my letters four or five times a week and that he had been longing to see me and Elvis the cat in person. He was also keen on seeing the sites of my hometown, Tipton.
I knew that the US army uniform that Elvis was wearing would make him stand out like a sore thumb in Tipton, people would immediately recognise him as ‘The King’. I sorted out Elvis with one of my Dad’s suits and one of his flat caps. The flat cap looked a bit odd at first as it perched on top of Elvis’s famous quiff but I managed, with the appliance of a full jar of Brylcreem, to flatten it down. I told Elvis that as long as he didn’t sing, wiggle his hips or talk to anyone we would probably be able to keep his visit a secret. That evening we set off for a night on the town. Elvis told me that he wanted to sample some of the ‘warm English beer’. As we walked down Princes End High Street Elvis kept asking me where he could get a burger.
Unfortunately at the time the chip shop didn’t do burgers and he had to make do with cod, chips and mushy peas. We walked arm in arm down the High Street and I showed Elvis how to poke a hole in his chip bag to get his chips out. When we reached The George and Dragon I ordered a Cherry B and Elvis had a pint of mild. Elvis also asked me to get him some scratchings, a bag of crisps, a packet of cheese and biscuits with a little pickled onion, a packet of nuts, and a cheese and onion cob. I commented that I had noticed that Elvis had a healthy appetite. He told me that back home in the US of A he loved to eat burgers. He told me that he even ate burgers when he was on the toilet. I thought it was a bit strange but as I said to Elvis, what harm can it do? Elvis told me he could get through at least 20 burgers a day but he never put any weight on.
Elvis loved The George and Dragon and he developed an instant liking for Banks’ mild. Elvis suggested that we should ‘shoot some pool’. I told him that the Rocket Pool, Bradley and the Donkey Pool on the Wren’s Nest were both around 20 minutes walk away and that if he had his gun with him he could shoot one of those. Elvis thought that this was hilarious and explained to me that pool was the American version of snooker, only smaller and easier. At closing time Elvis finished the last of his 6 pints and we set off for home. Elvis wanted another bag of fish and chips and as we walked back up the High Street he told me that he was sad that he could only spend one evening with me in Tipton. When we got back to my house there was a big black car waiting outside.
Elvis thanked me for a wonderful evening and kissed me on the cheek. He told me that he would never forget the evening he spent in Tipton. As the black limousine disappeared into the distance I wondered if I would ever see Elvis again. Later that night I could hardly sleep as the events of the day swirled round in my mind. The next morning I wondered if it had all been a dream.
I never did see or hear from Elvis again but over the following years I couldn’t help but notice that the evening we spent together had obviously had a massive influence on The Kings’ career.
Whenever I heard the King singing ‘Always on my mind’ I knew that it was meant for me.
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We are sailing!
Crossed the Black Country border and visited Llangollen yesterday and took a two hour trips on a canal boat through the beautiful Vale of Llangollen and across the famous Pontcysyllte Aqueduct built by Thomas Telford between 1795 and 1805. This length of canal is a World Heritage Site.
Great trip with stunning views, very informative information from the skipper and as an added bonus a bar selling alchaolic and non alchaolic drinks and snacks at very reasonable prices.
Great day out!
If you fancy it check out www.horsedrawnboats.co.uk/aqueduct-trips.aspx
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Eat your heart out Morrisey!
I have never written a song before but I thought why not have a go. Below is my first ever attempt at writing a song and I decided to do it in the style of The Smiths
There Is A Market In Bilston Near The Bus Depot
Take me to Bilston today
Where there's a market and a bus depot
That are close to each other
Sitting on the bus
I never want to go to Woolworths
Because Bilston hasn’t got one anymore
Take me to Bilston today
Because I want to buy some chops
And I want a new kettle
I want to go to Wetherspoons
Because its cheaper than the cafe
But last time I stole some sauce sachets
And the staff all know I’m banned now
(I think this is where I need to put in a chorus, see below)
And if the Poundland ever shuts
There will be no one pound bin bags
‘Cus they are dearer in Morrisons
And its too far from the bus stop anyway
And if the inspector gets on the bus
He will inspect my bus pass
And I will probably be thrown off
Because I haven’t got one
Take me to Bilston today
I need a battery putting in my watch
Ray on the market is very cheap
His leather watch straps are only a pound
But don’t go on Tuesday
Cus the Market is shut
But I’m not one to moan
Take me to Bilston today
I much prefer it to Dudley
Merry Hill is a bit too far
I can’t afford a taxi
Its no problem in my car
But since I lost my license
I haven't got one
(I think this is where I need to stick in a chorus again)
And if the Poundland ever shuts
There will be no one pound bin bags
‘Cus they are dearer in Morrisons
And its too far from the bus stop anyway
And if the inspector gets on the bus
He will inspect my bus pass
But I will probably be thrown off
Because I haven’t got one
Oh, there is a market that’s indoor and out
Oh, there is a market that’s indoor and out
Oh, there is a market that’s indoor and out
Oh, there is a market that’s indoor and out
Oh, there is a market that’s indoor and out
Oh, there is a market that’s indoor and out
(and fade)
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Monkees or Beatles …… You Decide!
Now I’m fully aware that I may end up in a sack in a canal in Liverpool or risk the chance of a sound beating from the Gallagher brothers for what I am about to say but here goes!
The Monkees singles from the 60s have stood the test of time far better than the Beatles singles have.
There you go …… I have said it!
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Shop
Av yow visited the shap? Some bostin bargins fer the Black Country wenches and blokes in yower life. Get The Ascent and Bonk Oss fer onny 8 quid. Yow cor beat that con ya?
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