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jump off you unlovable annoying piece of shit

Me when I am about to jump off the highest diving board at the swimming pool because I’m sooo scared. But I do it anyways because I’m also brave <3

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Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.

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just saw a furry go "ugh pup masks are the worst thing to happen to the furry community" and it's like what are you talking about those are your cousins, at the end of the day you're both pretending to be gay dog men, i think it's just an aesthetic choice at that point

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Norwegian tourist, 21, is barred from entering the US after ICE guards find meme showing JD Vance with a bald head on his phone

A Norwegian tourist claims he was harassed and refused entry to the US after immigration officers found a meme of JD Vance on his phone.

Mads Mikkelsen, 21, arrived at New Jersey's Newark Airport on June 11, excited about his holiday.

But, his plans were thrown into disarray when he was reportedly pulled aside by border control and put in a cell.

The tourist was then subjected to what he described to Norwegian outlet Nordlys as an 'abuse, of power and harassment'.

'They asked questions about drug trafficking, terrorist plots and right-wing extremism totally without reason,' he told the outlet.

Mr Mikkelsen, claimed the officers then threatened him with a $5,000 fine or five years in prison if he refused to give the password to his mobile phone.

The guards reportedly found a meme on the device's camera roll showing US vice president JD Vance with a bald, egg-shaped head.

Mikkelsen said after discovering the image the authorities sent him home to Norway the same day.

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cell bio professor closed out today's lecture on free-radical oxidation in mitochondria and programmed cell death by saying "you've probably all seen those commercials for fruit juice that says it's got antioxidants, which are said to prevent this sort of thing from happening, or at least slow it down. well, they don't work. this is an inevitable fact of life— this process that lets us live is also the thing that kills us, and it's why all of us will die someday. there's no escaping that. it's been with us since the dawn of eukaryotic cells; our pact with mitochondria is to the death. anyway, enjoy the rest of your friday, and remember, exam four is next week!"

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do you think they know how much they contributed to online literacy? to the spirit of curiousity? to the idea of doing research yourself instead of always having it laid out in front of you?

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peacehammer 40k be like. love for the love god.

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Wage slave markiplier considered nsfw

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Patch notes:

- Inaction no longer counts as an Action

- Inaction no longer generates Consequences at the same rate as Action

- Problems now disappear or resolve if Ignored

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Moisturize me

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sends me into the stratosphere every time

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Kind of a Reddit AITA post but sometimes it is a little funny to fuck with people in ways that deliberately conform to a stereotype of what they must think of you. the other day I was talking to my friend and I randomly said that I wanted a pet chimpanzee. I'd dress it in person clothes (dungarees and hats) and I'd teach it to love science fiction. And this girl nearby was like "you know how dangerous those things are, right? Also how unethical it is to keep an ape as your pet for your own amusement" and I was already seeing where the conversation was going so I was pretending ignorance like "yea but it wouldn't just be for my amusement. It would have practical points too." And she ignored that statement entirely to say "Well chimpanzees can rip faces off" and I was like. What's the most frustrating thing I can say now. Finally settled on "Mine wouldn't do that though." and you could tell she wanted to hurt me very very badly. Like a chimpanzee would if I had one as a pet

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What could this strangely shaped package be?...

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Hitting the gym (AC6) (for Make a Terrible Comic Day 2025)

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An Idea To Prevent A Nuclear War