sticky943

[sticky943]

On top of it all, what may seem obvious, intuitive, or "common sense" to you like "hitting is wrong" or "stealing is wrong," may be hard to understand for toddlers just new to life. (I'm not sure about older children 7-12 years old or teens.) Regardless, you have to actually explain shit. Explain WHY and HOW an action is wrong, how it hurts others or violates their rights.

Otherwise you just end up with pointless rules like "don't put elbows on the table," "don't burp," or "robotically say nice to meet you even if you don't even know the person you're meeting." Rules that only exist bc parents say "that's offensive/not doing so is offensive" but are too lazy, self-righteous, or full-of-themselves to more thoroughly explain the logic behind their offense and social manners/rules.

Same with other rules like "say please and thank you," "address adults by a title," "i want doesn't get," etc. If you cannot fully explain these rules abd instead resort to shaming children with "that's rude/inappropriate/not done" and no further explanation, your rules are kinda illogical bs. It's no different from forcing children to say sorry or apologize when they have no clue what wrong they did and why/how it's wrong

don’t hit your fucking kids.

hey. you shouldn’t hit your kids. i’m literally uploading an entire seven page essay with sources about why you shouldn’t hit your fucking kids.

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don’t hit your fucking kids.

hey. you shouldn’t hit your kids. i’m literally uploading an entire seven page essay with sources about why you shouldn’t hit your fucking kids.

[sticky943]

don’t hit your fucking kids.

hey. you shouldn’t hit your kids. i’m literally uploading an entire seven page essay with sources about why you shouldn’t hit your fucking kids.

[sticky943]

[sticky943]

French fries

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having anti punitive justice morals sucks because you want to say "man that guy sucks he should get hit with hammers until he dies" but you also want to make it clear you don't think anyone should be put in charge of the 'hit people with hammers until they die" machine.

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being against punitive justice doesn't mean just being against systemic cruelty it means being against the idea that punishment = justice and that for justice to be done, someone must be made to suffer. it's not just "well hurting bad people is justice, but when the government does it it could accidentally hurt some good people!" that is not anti-punitive. you are still viewing justice as requiring someone's punishment.

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The thing is, until you get past the mindset of "justice=punishment" you will never be able to create lasting change. We have actual proof that punitive justice creates more crime and makes criminals more violent. We have actual proof that rehabilitation reduces crime and recidivism. But some of y'all are so stuck on this idea that the wrongdoer must be punished for justice to be done that you will choose sating your need for revenge over actually moving toward a better world every time. And that's sad!

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also like, idk how to tell y'all this but…

dehumanizing *anyone* is bad. it doesn’t matter if they’re “the oppressor” or they have societal power over you. if you get to a point where you look at *anyone* and you don’t see a human being with thoughts and feelings and internal motivations, if you get to a point where you look at an individual person and see

“the oppressor” or someone that you feel 100% completely comfortable doing violence against without hesitation or consideration…

that’s actually bad. Social justice is not and should never be about trying to figure out who it’s okay to do violence against. Nor is it about “flipping the tables”.

[sticky943]

Look, with very few exceptions no one sets out with the intention of being a shitty abusive parent. A lot of shitty parents think they're doing it right. A lot of shitty parents think they're doing their best. A lot of shitty parents think that abusive shit they do is not really abusive and for the greater good of their child.

A lot of shitty parents love their kids, and would die for them, but they can still be abusive and shitty parents because they do shit they learned from their parents and don't pause a moment to think they may be doing it wrong because "I love my kid, abusive parents don't love their kids, so I can't be an Abusive Parent, not me, I'm good". A lot of shitty parents have their good moments, their good sides, and their kids can love them for it and then be doubly hurt when the good moment ends and things are shitty again.

Shitty parents are complicated people, the kids they raise are complicated people, and human relationships as a whole are a complex hot mess. There is not one right or wrong way to respond to abuse or choose how to handle the relationship to a shitty parent. No we don't wanna hear how you'd personally handle it in our shoes. You're not in our shoes. STFU.

BTW this is not some weird defense of shitty and abusive parents but for Christ's sake, this attitude that Shitty Parents - either real or fictional - are monsters out of a scary story who are contractually obliged to be shitty 100% of the time, all around, in every aspect of their lives, is actually harmful. It's untrue. It's stupid. It will lead kids of Shitty Parents to think that well, THEIR parents are not 100% evil and dastardly all the time, therefore they're not Actually Abusive, I must be exaggerating.

Shitty parents are not old school Disney villains breaking into song about how they love to do evil deeds to hurt their own children. They're people. Learn to tell the two things apart, for fuck's sake.

[sticky943]

Abusive parents are very good at manipulating.

They can make everyone think they’re loving parents.

They can make their kids believe that abuse is normal.

They can make you believe you owe them everything.

They can make themselves believe that they are right.

They can make you believe that it was your fault.

[sticky943]

The man behind the powers. 

Source:

https://www.comixology.com/Superman-Grounded-Vol-1/digital-comic/337786

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A statue of mother and child lays at village center

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what is the point of oscar the grouch on sesame street?

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“Mean girls all grow up to be nurses!”

“Mean girls all go into social work!”

“The mean girl to teacher pipeline!”

Y’all, these are just pink collar jobs. The reason you think there’s so many “mean girls” in these fields is because they’re all like 97% women. Of course some of them are gonna be assholes. There’s assholes everywhere.

We get it. Your job isn’t like other girls’ jobs. It’s a cool job.

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Children Deserve Respect

Children are not pets or objects adults can use for their own purposes. Kids are not problems to be resolved.

Unfortunately, many parents treat their kids as if they’re enemies, constantly battling to get their child/ren to do what they want. Parents like this rarely think about their child/ren’s wants and needs; they just assume that they are right and their children are wrong. This attitude teaches kids that they’re not really people, that love from other people is contingent on their behaviour, and that they don’t have rights. They see any kind of defiance or even disagreement as disrespectful, and railroad their kids with brute force or fear. 

Sometimes, kids behave in unacceptable ways, and handling this is challenging for parents. Plus, sometimes parents have to make kids do things they don’t want to do; we all ave to brush our teeth, for example. Dealing with situations like this is difficult, but it’s part of being a parent and we have a responsibility to respect our kids and make sure we’re meeting their physical and emotional needs. Saying ‘it had to be done’ is not an excuse to mistreat or abuse anyone, including children and young people. 

I recently had a frankly horrifying conversation where a group of parents flippantly discussed physically restraining their kids during medical and dental procedures. When I pointed out that this should be an absolute last resort, several parents reacted with ridicule, as if trying to explain to their kids that this had to be done and trying to address their fears was ridiculous. 

A story I hope you’ll find relevant: when I was a toddler (about 3 or 4 years old), I fell through a glass door and got glass stuck in my forehead and scalp. The daycare centre called my mother, and my mother rushed me to the ER. I had to have multiple pieces of glass pulled out of my skin, and many stitches. My mother held me down and I wriggled and screamed and cried, and she realized what was going on - she stopped holding me down, and I relaxed. The Dr and nurses were able to pull the glass out and stitch me up without issue. 

Parents often try to overpower kids with force, instead of thinking ‘what’s the actual problem here, and how can we resolve it? If it can’t be resolved, how can I help and support my child while they deal with it? Is there a way to work around it?’ Going back to our tooth-brushing example, a lot of people have sensory issues that make tooth-brushing difficult, even painful. Obviously we all need to clean our teeth, but that doesn’t mean that restraining a child and forcibly cleaning their teeth is an acceptable solution! Sometimes a different toothbrush works (especially one with softer bristles), sometimes the problem is actually the toothpaste, sometimes a washcloth can be used instead of a brush, or another implement can be substituted - but without talking to our kids and asking them what’s going on, we’ll never know. Kids in these situations are subjected to something that they often experience as torture because their parents have decided to use force and power over kids instead of approaching them as human beings with valid feelings who are deserving of respect.

Parenting is extremely difficult, one of the most difficult things a person can do, but that doesn’t excuse mistreatment, abuse, and violence. Children are human beings with a full range of emotions, and they have rights. As parents, it’s our job to make sure our kids needs are met and that requires treating them like people, not problems.

[sticky943]

Children Deserve Respect

Children are not pets or objects adults can use for their own purposes. Kids are not problems to be resolved.

Unfortunately, many parents treat their kids as if they’re enemies, constantly battling to get their child/ren to do what they want. Parents like this rarely think about their child/ren’s wants and needs; they just assume that they are right and their children are wrong. This attitude teaches kids that they’re not really people, that love from other people is contingent on their behaviour, and that they don’t have rights. They see any kind of defiance or even disagreement as disrespectful, and railroad their kids with brute force or fear. 

Sometimes, kids behave in unacceptable ways, and handling this is challenging for parents. Plus, sometimes parents have to make kids do things they don’t want to do; we all ave to brush our teeth, for example. Dealing with situations like this is difficult, but it’s part of being a parent and we have a responsibility to respect our kids and make sure we’re meeting their physical and emotional needs. Saying ‘it had to be done’ is not an excuse to mistreat or abuse anyone, including children and young people. 

I recently had a frankly horrifying conversation where a group of parents flippantly discussed physically restraining their kids during medical and dental procedures. When I pointed out that this should be an absolute last resort, several parents reacted with ridicule, as if trying to explain to their kids that this had to be done and trying to address their fears was ridiculous. 

A story I hope you’ll find relevant: when I was a toddler (about 3 or 4 years old), I fell through a glass door and got glass stuck in my forehead and scalp. The daycare centre called my mother, and my mother rushed me to the ER. I had to have multiple pieces of glass pulled out of my skin, and many stitches. My mother held me down and I wriggled and screamed and cried, and she realized what was going on - she stopped holding me down, and I relaxed. The Dr and nurses were able to pull the glass out and stitch me up without issue. 

Parents often try to overpower kids with force, instead of thinking ‘what’s the actual problem here, and how can we resolve it? If it can’t be resolved, how can I help and support my child while they deal with it? Is there a way to work around it?’ Going back to our tooth-brushing example, a lot of people have sensory issues that make tooth-brushing difficult, even painful. Obviously we all need to clean our teeth, but that doesn’t mean that restraining a child and forcibly cleaning their teeth is an acceptable solution! Sometimes a different toothbrush works (especially one with softer bristles), sometimes the problem is actually the toothpaste, sometimes a washcloth can be used instead of a brush, or another implement can be substituted - but without talking to our kids and asking them what’s going on, we’ll never know. Kids in these situations are subjected to something that they often experience as torture because their parents have decided to use force and power over kids instead of approaching them as human beings with valid feelings who are deserving of respect.

Parenting is extremely difficult, one of the most difficult things a person can do, but that doesn’t excuse mistreatment, abuse, and violence. Children are human beings with a full range of emotions, and they have rights. As parents, it’s our job to make sure our kids needs are met and that requires treating them like people, not problems.