stirringthehatecauldron

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(opening the author’s works page after finishing a fic) and if im lucky they’ll have written this exact same fic but different a bunch more times

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im framing this

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not joking though. lets be serious for a second. hey team? lets get serious for a second. *turns my chair backward and sits on it like an english teacher about to "get real" with his class*. every single time i brush my teeth my gums bleed

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I was playing an indie game and got an achievement called "Slideshow" for having the framerate dip down below 4 FPS. I can't tell whether I admire the nerve of that or not.

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scenes that should be included in the brad pitt f1 film

(for legal purposes this is a joke, no one should support this film)

60 year old  brad pitt has to do the mandatory driver fitness test and almost collapses at the cardio. 28 year old carlos sainz does it next to him without hesitation or struggle two weeks after an appendectomy whilst wearing a mesh shirt

alex albon’s radio message calling brad pitt an ancient fuck after cutting the corner to smash the williams out of the way

leo leclerc and/or roscoe shitting next to brad pitt’s feet

damson idris’s character saying fernando’s “I knew he would brake because he has a wife and two children at home” quote. the wife and children will never be mentioned again or seen on screen. the romance will be exclusively between 60 year old brad pitt and the engineer woman half his age

damson idris’s character tweeting ocon’s my teammate tried to kill me but I survived tweet before getting drunk with a billionaire’s son

brad pitt attends a team principal’s meeting that goes oddly silent the moment that he walks in and three of the other team bosses immediately begin speaking to each other in italian. zak brown gives a sympathetic look but turns away, andreas seidl sniggers in german

four drivers call out brad and damson idris for their bullshit driving during the drivers’ briefing romain grosjean head of the gpda style. george russell ends the meeting with a powerpoint explaining to them why they are assholes

brad and damson idris have an emotional bonding moment where 60 year old brad reminds 32 year old damson idris that he is still young, still a rookie, and he has plenty of time to develop as, I assume, the lewis hamilton character insert despite lewis actually being in the film??? in the background kimi antonelli scooters past on his way to get a bath and bottle because it’s nearly his bedtime

k-mag hands over his stewards room loyalty card to brad pitt who gets a race ban

triumphant moment where the team finally scores a podium but the post-race inspection reveals that their car is wildly illegal and they are disqualified

stefano domenicali enthusiastically welcomes the american audience that brad pitt’s team brings, ross brawn is sat next to him listing off the many ways that their car does not comply with the fia’s safety standards

brad pitt and damson idris are battling for their lives at the back of the grid, max verstappen laps them

the engineer woman describes speed in kilometres. brad pitt tells her to explain it in “english”

a hilariously corrupt Italian businessman who bears absolutely no resemblance to flavio briatore none at all says something hilariously corrupt at a sponsor meeting. brad pitt nobly rises above it

fernando alonso sniffing plants in the background of every other scene

a blonde reporter/presenter has sexual tension with damson idris. when brad pitt asks who she is, he simply says “a girl I used to know” and looks longingly in the distance

michael and/or mario andretti with an axe demanding to know why it’s okay for brad pitt to have an 11th f1 team but not him, even though the andretti name is incredibly well respected in the motorsports world

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please tell me u saw that arrow mclaren tiktok where christian is caressing pato's eat and petting his hair 😭 am i a psychic who can predict gay relationships between race car drivers or did i accidentally manifest this when i answered ur ask like a month ago

I SWEAR I WAS ABOUT TO INBOX YOU ABOUT THIS. your gaydar is so fine tuned i’m jealous 🙁 anyway HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO THOSE TWO 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 that was some of the most domestic tooth rottingly corny couple stuff i’ve ever seen. AND christian was shamelessly looking at the camera. nolan i’m sorry your dads are so gay

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Everything I learn about the f1 movie is against my will but I just want to say for the umpteenth time FUCK BRAD PITT AND EVERYONE WHO HAD ANY DECISION MAKING POWER REGARDING THE SCRIPT AND EDITING OF THIS DUMPSTER FIRE.

The only female character will be the race engineer who has an inappropriate workplace relationship with geriatric Pitt's self-interest. In real life, Laura Müller is the 1st full-time female race engineer. She got that job this year. This movie has been in development since at least 2021, we deadass nearly got this movie & this bs relationship BEFORE A WOMAN EVEN GOT THAT JOB.

We've not had a woman on the grid since 1992, when 18 of the 21* current drivers on the grid literally didn't exist. The last woman to participate in an f1 race weekend was Susie Wolff in 2015. Grid Girls only stopped being a thing in 2018. How women in motorsport are portrayed absolutely matters because it impacts how they are seen and how they are treated. This depiction is a huge setback and its being fucking endorsed and promoted by the sport itself.

They also cut the only woman of colour from the movie, despite her involvement being used as marketing since the literal moment they announced her casting. They reduced her to a fucking cameo.

Justice for Simone Ashley, for Laura Müller & for women across motorsport because this movie is going to do significant harm.

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"There's no racing in heaven because all drivers go to hell." is hands down the funniest thing Niki Lauda ever said.

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just found this in my drafts. i’m pretty sure i woke up in the middle of the night, wrote this, and then fell back asleep. but i think maybe i was onto something

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Dunkin iced coffee is a brand new and original substance. It does things to you that no other caffeinated beverage does. It tastes like coffee and sugar scented perfume. When left out it does not rot or mold. There is something devilish going on in that donut house

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i know he was just in spain, but if i‘d have my will he‘d be locked in the commentary box for the whole duration of the season so here we are

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this is my all time favorite f1 gp promo because i have absolutely no idea what pics supposed to mean

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is this anything

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native queers I love you 2Spirit fags and dykes I love you indigenous genderqueer people I love you third gender people I love you māhū I love you ahhhhhhhh

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