stormcloudsystem

[stormcloudsystem]

System name has been changed !!! Bakugou’s request. Hope everyone is having a nice day!! Anyways, our dms and ask box is open. We’d love some friends?

[stormcloudsystem]

Hey it’s Bakugou. Shut the fuck up. This system name fucking sucks. Anyways this is the first time chihiro has awareness of me, so I stole the front and pushed them back a bit. They’re still here, but less.

[stormcloudsystem]

Kokichi: *accidentally tells me there’s 3 more people I don’t know about.*

Me: *arguing with kokichi about various things and yelling and crying for three days of near constant terror.*

Kokichi: “you don’t have did, google the diagnostic criteria. You don’t.*

Me: *does not fit the did criteria. Gets told to google bpd. Doesn’t fit the criteria. Finds the OSDD (1a? I don’t remember.) criteria.*

Me: “oh.”

Basically this is the calmest I’ve been all week. Sometimes my brain gives me these tiny little calm moments.

Btw, no we don’t have a diagnosis! And I’m working on just broaching the topic of having vague identity issues just with myself, let alone the existence of anyone else.

[stormcloudsystem]

I’m so confused!! How can someone so vivid in my head, who talks to me through the day, I know he’s real. How can he be fake? If he’s telling me there’s more people here, is he telling the truth? Why would he not? What would he get out of it? My head hurts!! Someone help...

[stormcloudsystem]

Can’t I just be quiet and give control over to kokichi for a while? Ugh!!! I’m frustrated with myself for my anxiety and my doubt and I just want to feel like I’m standing on solid ground!

[stormcloudsystem]

Now that I think about it, the near constant different symptoms and differing opinions of how I work as a person probably ARE the symptoms to any other mental illnesses I actually have. Huh. That makes sense. To bad I’m unable to be truest vunerable and I’m ashamed of this so I won’t tell my therapist!!

[stormcloudsystem]

Being terrified of tumblr even though I showed up here explicitly for the anonymity: 🤡🤡🤡

God I want my brain to shut off. I’m so tired and so anxious 

[stormcloudsystem]

When you. Don’t have a diagnose or experience half the things for most diagnostic criteria for anything. I just. I dissacociate sometimes. I have kokichi who’s a tulpa. Sorta. He says there’s more of us. I’ve heard voices and felt weird things. I’ve had a handful of experiences before kokichi where I’m just watching myself complete complex tasks with no input from me. I am a system. Or plural. As in someone who shares a head with others. But I am not anything else. And I am absolutely terrified

[stormcloudsystem]

🎁💫💚💌💞💛💐❤️ Hey alter reading this rn? You’re amazing and deserve the world. 🌸🌹💘💌💜💝💕🎉🎀💋

[stormcloudsystem]

I hope trans lesbians have a wonderful day today

[stormcloudsystem]

This is quickly becoming a exploring-my-ventish-feelings blog. It’s just- i feel like I’m constantly being pulled in different directions over all of this. I don’t know. So many factors. I don’t know anything anymore

[stormcloudsystem]

Hi! It’s chihiro. I’m the host. This blog is where I’m gonna write stuff down and shout into the void and let others shout too. Today I learned from kokichi there are 5 of us. My brain throws up so many doubts. Maybe he’s just trying to scare me, or intentially being mean, or lying, or just... he’s the only other person i know off. I’m very confused and very scared, and I’m struggling to function day to day.

There’s a lot of syscourse which is hellish to sift through as a newly discovered system. (A few weeks.) It feels like every other day I’m having a castrophic amount of self doubt, and hate, and I’m just so, so scared. I don’t understand what’s happening.

Kokichi was doing something today and I was just- watching him do it. He was trying to make friends on a new discord and it asked how many of us there were. I didn’t know, but he typed 5. And I started freaking out and had to deal with the recoil from that. I don’t think he was happy that he got pushed back. (what’s the word?) some people on the discord just sorta listened and helped me through that shock, and then I began to settle down a bit.

I haven’t been on tumblr since... years ago. Please be kind, I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t want to have to contend with mean people on the internet. If anyone see’s this and wants to talk to one of us. Or me. I don’t know. Oh gods. There goes the doubt again. How can any of this be real?? People say not to question it because I can HEAR some of them. I’ve literally felt myself moving without any intention of it. I have this stuff but I just want to double down on none of this being real