hiraeth
(hɨraɪ̯θ), noun | A Welsh, untranslatable feeling, hiraeth is loosely described as a homesickness for a home you cannot return to anymore or a place, which never even existed. Connotations of sadness, yearning, profound nostalgia, and wistfulness are imbued into the state of hiraeth. Overall this beautiful, but painful longing is a an expression of an empty desire and grief over a past life or place. It is the ultimate signifier of a bond which has ceased to exist. (via mirroir)
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from https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948755/chapters/68448527#main
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♥♥
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@devenior said: “i can barely breathe, it hurts so bad!”
from here.
‘ ven !! ’
she’s quick to run to his side , dropping to her knees to hold him closer. she doesn’t look at who struck him , can’t bring herself to without seeing the face of her friend , features drawn into a cruel smile. it makes her stomach turn & she quickly shakes her head , clearing the thought from her mind.
no , she thinks , terra would never hurt ven .
she turns her gaze to ven after a moment , hands trembling at the sight of it. his shirt is stained red , & aqua hesitates from her fear. she’d never seen something this bad before , & to know it was someone she loved made her heart ache. carefully , her trembling hand takes one of ven’s & squeezes it tightly , eyes watering as he other hand presses as gently as she can on his wound.
‘ i know. but you’ll be alright, i promise. ’
quietly , she casts a few curagas in succession , knowing it wouldn’t be enough to completely heal him , but it’s better than nothing , better than letting him die .
she couldn’t imagine the heartbreak terra would carry for that , could barely imagine trying to carry her own grief.
‘ it’s okay, ven. just relax, and...we’ll be able to go home soon. ’
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@vancorius said: “ you should’ve ended me while you still had the chance . ”
lost meme.
‘ i could. ’
she won’t , they both know she won’t. & at this point , maybe she couldn’t . she cares too much & can’t quite pinpoint why. it’s not as though he’s been particularly nice to her , he hasn’t really reciprocated her attempts to reach out , & that’s fine. it’s not as though she’d be deterred by something like that.
‘ but i won’t. ’
she can’t , not really. if she destroyed him , it would feel wrong , as if she believed he couldn’t change. that would mean giving up on herself as well , & for the sake of her friends , she couldn’t really do that. if she killed him , she’d be admitting that he couldn’t change , & by extent , that perhaps she hadn’t .
but it’s not so much like that. she’s not as cruel as to use him to make herself feel better. no , somehow...aqua cares about vanitas , something she doubts either of them expected. but she doesn’t put up such a front around him , whether he’s noticed or cares that much to notice. even if he doesn’t , she doesn’t feel like she has to , & that’s probably for the better.
she loves ven & terra , but she can’t stand to let them see her any way but how they knew her , if only more remorseful .
she doesn’t let them see the bitter , the anger , the pain that clings to her ribs & gnaws at the bone.
‘ because as hard as it might be for you to believe, i care about you. and that means i don’t want to hurt you. so....i won’t. it’s as simple as that. ’
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@vancorius said: ❝ don’t you dare look at me like everything’s okay . ❞
‘ how do you think i should look at you, then ?? ’
her voice doesn’t hold any malice or edge , no hint of venom or poison. she’s simply curious . he arms are tucked around her knees where she sits , cheek against her leg as she turns to look at him. she doesn’t hate him , isn’t angry with him.
if anything , he makes her a little sad.
perhaps , aqua thinks , out of all xehanort’s victims , vanitas was the saddest. xehanort’s cruelty was all he’d known , not kindness or friendship or love . it made her a bit sad to think what a life like that must’ve been like. it’s why she can’t blame him for the hurt he caused , the things he said or did.
it wasn’t his fault that pain & suffering were all he knew.
‘ and...maybe everything’s not okay, not yet. i know terra....isn’t quite so comfortable with you, and...maybe he never will be. maybe none of us will ever really be okay. we’ll all be carrying something with us, probably for the rest of our lives. ’
she shifts where she sits slightly , placing one hand between them on the ground , an offer , a bridge if he wanted it.
‘ ....but that doesn’t mean we have to do it alone. not if you don’t want to. ’
a sigh leaves her , a brief sadness flashes across her face , but she doesn’t move her hand , not yet.
‘ maybe there’s not a great history between us, but....i think we should all get the chance to try again. none of us really got it right the first time. ’
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@devenior said: ❝ i know you got my back and you know i got you. ❞
‘ of course. ’
aqua lets herself smile at that , take the warmth he’s offering & hide it away somewhere she could find it later , keep it safe. she sometimes feels uneasy around him , less so than she does with terra , not that she loves him any less. but she’s not blind , to the rift her actions & words caused nor to the pain all of them carry. but right now , she doesn’t let herself dwell on her regrets , on all the reasons ven shouldn’t forgive her.
sometimes , she thinks , it’s just nice to be forgiven , to be loved .
‘ i’ll always look out for you. for both of you. ’
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@hercbled said: Touch me, aqua maybe
fingers -- friendship/amicable
hip -- interest
shoulder -- worry/concern for the other/fear
he doesn’t look like the boy she remembered , that much aqua notices on first glance. so much time has passed her by , it didn’t affect her but it did everyone else. she smiles , just a small one , as her hand is raised to reach out.
briefly , her fingers brush against his own , she nearly jerks back at the feeling. it’s been so long since she’d been able to touch , ben able to feel much of anything , the sensation was somewhat jarring. fingertips brush along his side on the way up , over his hip , before her hand stops on his shoulder. she has to look up a bit at him , just a little , & she smiles when she speaks , letting her hand linger.
‘ did you become a hero while i was gone ?? ’
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AND I WAS IN THE DARKNESS, SO DARKNESS I BECAME.
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claws?
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Dancing in the dark
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White Aqua
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i just think that aqua should be cinderella's prince charming✨
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I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.
Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (via thoughtkick)
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