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stormybear30 · 6 years ago

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Heart of glass

I found him exactly where I expected to find him, sitting at the bar wasting his life away. I could tell he’d been there for a while by the half empty bottle of alcohol sitting in front of him but something seemed off. He looked different, looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. The normal cowboy swagger was gone as he attempted to pour another shot, not even bothering to argue with Maria when she jerked the bottle out of his hand before hiding it behind the bar. His shoulders seemed to sag when she went off on him before leaving to help another customer. He looked tired and aged, looking so much older then his twenty seven years. I felt bad for him because it was clear that he was hiding a secret, a secret that I now knew and yet it didn’t last long as I clutched the backpack I was holding tighter to my body and walked over towards him. “We need to talk” I said by way of introduction, trying not to cave as exhausted brown eyes looked over at me.

“Not today Alex…please” I heard him say as he rubbed at his temple. “I just can’t deal with anymore shit today”

I felt bad for about a second once again because I had never seen him look so haggard before but then I remembered the huge secret he had been keeping from me and I decided to push past being nice. “Well you can either talk to me about what I have in this bag now or I can put it in your spaceship and then you can fly by and speak to me about it later…either way we are having this conversation” I watched his eyes grow huge for a brief second before surrender gave in and he pushed himself off the barstool. No words were spoken as we walked out of the Dancing Pony towards the parking lot. “I’ll drive” I said as I walked towards my car, silence still following us as he followed me. He didn’t look at me once as I drove out to the cabin. In fact he sat stone still, his eyes closed, looking almost statue like. He still remained silent once we pulled up in front of my home, his body taunt like a guitar string. “Have a seat” I directed as I pointed toward a chair located in the living area once we entered the cabin. He still didn’t say a word or bat an eye as he fell heavily onto the chair, once again looking as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I know what you are” I decided to just dive in, watching him flinch before turning exhausted eyes up at me. Once again my anger lessened at just how broken he seemed to be. There were tears brimming in his eyes and a look of pure resignation. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I questioned sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

“What did you want me to say Alex?” He finally spoke quietly after a few seconds. “Hi there. My name is Michael Guerin and I’m an alien from outer space” There was no sarcasm in his voice just a tiredness that I already knew he had been living with for a very long time. “The truth is that we don’t know where we can from. We don’t really know what we are or why we were put here and it’s been exhausting keeping this secret for years. I wanted to tell you back then because I…” I watched as he swallowed hard, closing his eyes as he rubbed at his temple once again. “I wanted to tell you because that summer when we were together was the best time of my life and you meant more to me than anything else in this world…anything”

I was taken back by his words because as I looked deeply into his eyes I could see just how much he loved me and how heavily this secret had been weighing on him. I felt horrible for every little thing I had done to hurt him since I had come back to Roswell and everything I had done even before I left. I knew he was an alien being and yet as he continued to look at me none of that mattered because he was also the man that meant everything to me from the very first time he had kissed me. Tears burned my eyes at just how much of an asshole I had been and how much I had hurt him each and every time that he showed any love or kindness to me. I was angry at myself because I had gone looking for him after learning from my father that he was in fact an alien being, only to try and hurt him again with my anger at keeping such a huge secret from me. “I’m sorry…” I muttered, feeling a bit tired myself as I let out a breath I hadn’t even known I was holding.

“I’m just relieved that you finally know” He replied softly, with a shrug of his shoulders. “Use that information as you will” He looked scared and beaten down as he slouched back into the cushion of the chair.

“And what do you think I will do with it?” I questioned in confusion.

“I don’t know Alex” He shot back quickly but with no heat to those words. “Turn us over to Daddy or maybe even the government” I was taken aback for a second but then quickly realized that I hadn’t given him any reason to trust me or think that I wouldn’t do that to him.

“Michael…” I tried to speak but he cut me off as he sat forward.

“Look Alex…I don’t know how much you know and I get that you feel that I have wronged you by not telling you, but you’ve never really given me any reason to trust you” His words hurt and yet they were so truthful. “When we were kids I wanted to run away with you. I loved you that much that I wanted to leave all the bull shit with this town behind…wanted to leave my family behind and start a new life with you. You have no idea the hell I was going through with Max and Isobel at that time. We made a promise to keep an eye on Isobel and our secret at all cost but I was willing to give that all up to start a new life with you” He had tears in his eyes and guilt written across his face as he looked up at me. “We hardly knew each other but I loved you that much. I thought you felt the same way too but then you made your grand announcement about joining the military and wouldn’t even consider leaving with me”

“I wanted to” I decided to be truthful myself because I knew he deserved it. “When you asked me to run away with you I wanted to say yes so badly. I wanted to leave this town and my father behind me. I had these amazing dreams of you and I busking our way from town to town and just having a grand adventure. You have to know that I wanted nothing more then to just be with you”

“No Alex,I never knew that. I never knew any of that because after you fucked me that last time, you broke my heart and told me that you couldn’t be with me anymore and that you were leaving for boot camp the next morning. You told me that what we had was nothing more then a fling and that you never wanted to see me again” I had no response as I watched him jerk himself off of the chair before storming over to the other side of the room. “You have no idea how much you hurt me that night. I was already dealing with the guilt and the pain about even considering leaving Max and Isobel, but then you just crushed my soul with your rejection”

“I know” I replied as I recalled the night that I broke Michael Guerin’s heart. “I got home that night after leaving you and felt absolutely gutted because I knew I had hurt you”

“Yeah…well it’s something that your great at” He shot out before I could finish. The sarcasm wasn’t lost on me as I turned to face him.

“I know I hurt you Michael but I did it because I was scared. I admit I was scared because the feelings I had for you were so new and overwhelming, but I also did it because I was terrified that if my father found out about us once again that he would do more then just break your hand” It was time to tell him my own secret as I got up and walked across to the opposite side of the room. “When I got home that night my father and two of my brothers were waiting for me. My mind was preoccupied with what I had done to you so I didn’t see it coming”

“See what?” He asked as he rushed over to where I stood, the look of concern on his face causing me to break down because I had never spoken about what had transpired that night to anyone. “What did they do to you?”

It took me a few minutes to compose myself as I moved away from him because even though he hadn’t touched me, his closeness was just too much. “My brothers bound and gagged me and threw me in the back of my father’s truck. We drove for what felt like hours before pulling up before this small shack. There was a man waiting inside for us. A man that claimed he could rid me of my evil ways…my perversions and make me into a real man. My father never said a word to me the entire time we drove there but his parting words made me realize that my original fears were true. He told me that if I ever saw you again that he would destroy you, that he would make you pay for turning me into a pervert. The look on his face was pure delight and it scared me to my very core. I really don’t know how long I was there but I was continually tortured while he constantly quoted bible scripture at me. I remember wanting to die but you were the one thing that kept me from giving up. Afterwards my brother’s and father picked me up and dropped me off at boot camp and the rest is history” I shrugged, too exhausted to even begin telling him my war stories. “I came back with the intentions of never speaking to you again but then…well I took one look at you and I knew that wasn’t going to happen” I tried to laugh it off but I could tell he wasn’t having it as he glared at me from across the room.

“If you had just run away with me none of that would have happened” He growled as he strode across the room before pulling me into his arms.

“There wasn’t anywhere that we could have gone that my father wouldn’t have found us. I wanted to leave with you but I knew that he would have found us eventually and I couldn’t live with myself if he had hurt you any more then he already had” Exhaustion consumed me as I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my nose against his neck.

“Did he hurt you…like hurt hurt you?” I heard him question, holding me a bit tighter as he waited for me to respond.

“He didn’t violate me if that’s what you mean. Oh he tortured the hell out of me but he never did anything sexual” I answered, his grip on me tightening even more but I didn’t mind because at that time it didn’t feel tight enough. “Michael…I know we still have a lot to talk about and I may be jumping to conclusions in that we can move forward from this and become more” I didn’t know how to ask if we could move past everything in the past and in the future and be lovers, boyfriends, partners, because I wanted nothing more then to be his everything and he be mine. I didn’t care that he was an alien from another planet and that I was sure he still had many secrets to tell me because none of that mattered to me anymore. I just wanted to be with him in every and any way that I could be.

“Yeah…” I heard him whisper against my ear. “But I’m exhausted and I know you are to. Let’s go lay down for a bit and then we can talk some more later” I reluctantly let him go as I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. Each of us took turns getting ready, removing our clothes down to our underwear before climbing onto the bed. We laid there for a long time just looking at each other before he reached out and traced his fingers down the side of my face. “You look exactly the same as you did back then” He said as his fingers lingered right below my bottom lip. “When I saw you that first day at my trailer I was immediately brought back to high school. You were my first guy crush long before our first kiss” He had a small smile upon his face that made him look so sexy that I couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss him. It wasn’t like our more recent kisses that were hot and heated. That kiss was slow and lazy and more amazing then any of the others. “That was nice” He said with a bigger smile as he leaned forward and kissed me again. “Rest now, more of this later” He teased as he nudged his nose against my cheek before giving me another quick one. I wanted to continue to kiss him but as he pulled back with a yawn I knew that he was exhausted and needed some rest. I didn’t fight him as he shifted onto his back tugging me along with him. I plastered myself as close to his body as I could, lying my head on his chest. His skin was warm and comforting as I closed my eyes and cherished the closeness. “We are going to get through this” I heard him whisper as the sound of his heart beating within his chest lulled me to sleep.

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