straightcarheaven - Tumblr blog

[straightcarheaven]

Screeeeching at this meme a girl I went to high school w posted recently

[straightcarheaven]

[straightcarheaven]

you say youre queer but youve blocked multiple queer blogs. whats the truth?

I hate to break it to you but queer people are still capable of being annoying

[straightcarheaven]

[straightcarheaven]

i love it when fanfiction authors spell it “balling my eyes out” i’ll be in the middle of an emotional scene about to cry then suddenly im like 💰💰🤪🤙💰💰

[straightcarheaven]

New superhero: Crime Man.

He stops crimes exclusively by comitting crimes. He out-crimes the criminals.

[straightcarheaven]

i think the hip new trans thing to do should be choosing as inconvenient a name as possible. like, you have a sibling of the same gender? choose their name. choose ur parent’s name. choose ur pet’s name. choose ur best friend’s name. make ur name a common noun (that isn’t already a name like lane is). call urself “chair.” open the dictionary to a random page and point, now That’s ur name. have a different name for each day of the week

[straightcarheaven]

[straightcarheaven]

Three women have just entered heaven

Three women have just entered heaven, and are standing in front of an angel and St. Peter to find out what kinds of special privileges they’ll have while there. He says to the women, “I only have one question. Have you lived a chaste life?”

The first woman answers “I have only had sex with one man, my husband. And our first time was on our wedding night.” St. Peter turns to the angel and says “Ah, a woman who has lived as God intended, and certainly deserving of reward. Give her a key to the golden room.”

The second woman says, “I have never known a man’s touch. I was a nun, and stayed in the sisterhood since I was only a young lass.” St. Peter turned to the angel and said “Truly exceptional, a woman who has gone above and beyond in service of God. Give her a key to the platinum room!”

The third woman says “I fucked 239 dudes: 67 before I met my husband, 35 while we were dating, 12 while we were engaged, 78 while we were married and 46 after he died.” St. Peter stood stunned for a second, then leaned over to the angel and whispered, “Give her a key to my room.”

[straightcarheaven]

happy pride everyone <3

[straightcarheaven]

Young Adult Protagonist

[straightcarheaven]

asexual nicki minaj moodboard

[straightcarheaven]

I’m crying, this is so funny, who was the brave one who publicly called him gilf

[straightcarheaven]

here’s my one whole discourse post for pride month. you fucks will never ever ever wean off the radfem shit if you keep trying to give “cis men are evil” nuance. no, it’s not bad because they could be closeted or questioning, it’s bad because gender essentialism is a fucking brain poison and it makes you stupid

[straightcarheaven]

[straightcarheaven]

The sheer number of kids who are straight up putting their real names and ages and location in their bios like "Natasha | 14 | Minor | New York, NY!" and occasionally putting their actual school or city in their tags just terrifies me like no stop stop stop remove that right now I cannot emphasize how unsafe that is for you I am begging you for your sake remove thst shit right now

[straightcarheaven]

Lil Nas X should not be allowed to be this funny