strangunddurm

[strangunddurm]

Throw Away The Oars

Michael “Dr. Robby” Robinavitch x f!reader | 6k words | explicit

Summary: You feel like Robby’s distancing himself from you. A slip of the tongue to the wrong person when you visit the pitt feels like it could be the final nail in the coffin of your undefined relationship.

Tags/Warnings: female reader (female anatomy), semi-follow up to Home Again but you can read this as a standalone, semi-established relationship, feelings/angst/fluff, insecurity, miscommunication but like with a fun outcome?, swearing, therapy (mentioned), emergency department horrors (mentioned), blood (mentioned), rats (mentioned), other pitt characters, smut (fingering f receiving, unprotected piv, public sex, dirty talk, creampie, spanking) – let me know if I missed anything!

Notes: Two fics in as many weeks? Unheard of. Genuinely feel like I was possessed when I wrote this, so if it isn’t good or sexy or fun, blame the Demon. I think the song is pretty obvious from the title, but it's mentioned more in the story. Hope you enjoy! Huge thank you to @javier-pena for proofreading, general enthusiasm, and for saying there's a line in this that should get an Academy Award for Hottest Line in a Fic.

– – – – –

Pittsburgh looks sad tonight. It isn’t particularly cold, but it rained all day and there are at least six different dark shades in the sky, like it’s saying, Hey, give me a good enough reason and I’ll have it pouring in no time. 

From the row of red taillights to the left of the sidewalk you’re on, you gather most people are making their way home right now. It’s approaching seven, it makes sense for the time. You find yourself discreetly looking into people’s cars, keeping yourself entertained with all the different characters, imagining what kind of life they have and what plans they made for the night. It’s like the weather knows about yours, because more dark clouds roll in, and you cease your people watching in favour of picking up your pace and getting you to your destination faster. 

You round the corner, the daunting height of that destination appearing in your eyeline. It’s almost like a lighthouse, with nearly every little window having that yellow-white shine to it. A helicopter flies overhead, the sound of the blades whirring making you look up, following it as it approaches the building's roof, and you’re reminded that for some people, the day is only just beginning.

You approach Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center feeling like there’s lead in your shoes for a different reason, and you actually kind of feel like an asshole about it.

This particular feeling should be reserved for people that are genuinely going through something. You know that inside that building, there are patients who are on the brink of death, holding hands with the people they love for the final time. There are patients receiving life altering, devastating diagnosis. Family members gently being guided into quiet rooms, where doctors explain how they did everything they could, but to no avail. It shouldn’t be felt by someone who is borrowing grief from the future over something as trivial as a two month relationship.

Things between you and Robby are different lately - or, well, they feel different anyway.

Admittedly, it’s all circumstantial, in the eye of the beholder, but that’s what’s fucking you up about it the most. First it was the little changes in the inflection in his voice whenever he says your name; last week it was him not wanting to meet up at his place, only yours; two days ago it was him drilling you into the mattress while looking at you like you hung the fucking stars, then leaving afterwards under the bullshit guise of an appointment be had with his fellow attending about rats in the emergency department.

You know Robby’s… complicated. He has his things going on, but who doesn’t? Plus, he’s actually working on it; you never see him on Wednesdays because that’s his therapy day and he’s focussed–dedicated. And you’re proud of him, but every time it's on the tip of your tongue to voice that, it hits you that you don’t know if you have any right to say it, if the role of supportive… whatever you are, is what he wants from you. No matter how patient you want to be, and you have been very patient, very willing to go at this at whichever pace he liked, it’s kind of like he’s freewheeling. Which is unlike him. Which only fucks you up more.

Safe to say, it’s messing with your head more than you care to admit. 

It’s just that you slipped into a sense of familiarity so fast that you never really had a conversation about where this is all going. You know he isn’t seeing other people, he made that clear a few weeks in, when you asked and he laughed, because where would he find the time for that, and yeah, that was a good point. He knows you’re not seeing anyone else thanks to a very in the heat of the moment exchange, with him, on the verge of coming, asking you, because he needed to know. When you said no, he pulled out, ripped off his condom, and finished on your stomach with a rough, “Good.”

(When you mentioned that he should do that inside next time, he made a sound, slid back in, and came a second time, like the admission had given him some sort of feral, possessive second wind.)

So all things considered, mixed signals. 

Maybe you shouldn’t be here, picking him up like you agreed you would a week ago, when you made plans to go to the movies together. Maybe you should have also made up a stupid excuse, let him figure his shit out, and wait for him to call you once he did. But you’re an adult, who realizes manipulation tactics are futile, and childish. Eventually, for better or for worse, you’re going to have to tell him how you feel about him.

Unfortunately for you, you’ve been known to make choices that aren’t the best for your heart.

You enter PTMC with as much confidence as you can muster up, then make a beeline for the elevator. You wait after calling it, and while you do, you study the plaque above the button you just pressed, eyes lingering at the very bottom of it.

Basement. Emergency department.

The pitt.

The high-pitched ding! comes faster than you thought it would, and you step aside as the elevator doors slide open to let a handful of people step off. You give the people still inside a polite, “Evening,” and a nod as you get on, then press the button for the basement.

Naturally, and for no other reason than to fuck with you personally, the elevator slides up first.

You close your eyes, braving the sensation of the semi-gentle start-stop as you pass each floor going up - then again going down. By the time you reach the basement, it’s just you and a doctor - female, red hair, frizzy bangs, looking tired as all hell. She rushes past you, file in hand, and you make your way down the hall after her. 

The waiting room is packed, and you’re taken aback by the sheer volume of the voices echoing off the walls, making you feel a bit disoriented as you try to find a way to get where you need to be. Several registration nurses are seated behind reinforced glass and your chest tightens over the fact that that is protection health care providers need. You approach a window that one of the patients just walked away from, clear your throat, and say,

“Um, excuse me–”

“Please, fill this out,” the woman says, pushing a clipboard through the slot at the bottom of the window, “and bring it back to me when you’re ready.”

Gently, you push the clipboard back. “I don’t need medical treatment,” debatable after the overthinking from earlier–

“Then what can I do for ya, hon?” she asks, briefly looking over her shoulder when another staff member sails through the doors behind her. He’s wearing the same charcoal coloured scrubs Robby always wears, and is struggling to pull off a very bloodied pair of gloves.

“I’m looking for, um�� Doctor Robinavitch?” 

“Why?” The doctor pipes up from behind the nurse. He finally pulls the gloves off his hands, tosses them into a clinical waste bin and looks at you expectantly as he brushes his fingers through his silvery curls.

Before you elaborate, you raise an eyebrow at the confrontational tone. “I’m here to pick him up.”

The man looks at you, narrows his eyes, then juts his chin out. “And how do you know Doctor Robinavitch?”

“Robby,” you find yourself saying like you’re proving some sort of point about how well you know him, “is…” You pause, try to think of how to convey that he is the guy you decided to shoot your shot with in a record shop and who you’ve been sleeping with for the better part of two months in a way that’s acceptable for the workplace. But there’s steady beeping, the wailing of a baby behind you, a distant scream coming out of the emergency department, the two sets of expectant eyes on you from people who clearly have something better to do than wait for you to- Are you sweating? It feels like you’re sweating. “He’s my boyfriend.” 

The doctor’s eyebrows shoot up so far it would’ve made you laugh if the weight of your words hadn’t just hit you like a fucking truck. For the past week, you had been questioning everything about your relationship and you cracked under the slightest bit of pressure and labeled Robby your boyfriend like you’re two teenagers. 

And at his workplace.

“Is he now?” the doctor asks, a lopsided grin appearing on his face afterwards.

“Abbot,” the nurse says sharply. 

The warning makes your stomach twist. This is just great. As if your panicked slip of the tongue alone wasn’t bad enough, it had to be in front of frequently mentioned fellow attending slash close friend Jack Abbot.

“You know what,” you begin, swallowing thickly and jutting your thumb over your shoulder. “I’ll just wait outside–”

“Hey, hey, hey, no,” Abbot says, his voice gone gentle, raising his hands and looking more like he’s calming an escaped horse than an embarrassed human being. “He’s just finishing up with some patients, I’ll go get him for ya.” And as quickly as he arrived, he disappears again.

“Just take a seat, doll,” the nurse says. You think she’s aiming for pity, but the words are dripping with delight at this turn of events at what’s no doubt the very end of her shift. “I’m sure he’ll be out in a minute.”

You thank her and turn around, looking for an empty chair, but are once again confronted with the sheer amount of people waiting to be seen - it’s fine, you’ll just settle for a hole in the ground to disappear into. Before you have time to rethink every course of action you had taken to get you to this point, starting with frequenting a record shop, Robby sails through the flap doors with Abbot in tow. 

One looks cautious. The other looks endlessly amused. 

Robby’s eyes find you in the crowd in a flash, and he reaches you so quickly it seems like he’s floating, taking you by the arm and dragging you along with him.

“Hi,” you manage while you stumble to keep up.

“Let’s leave?” He says it like a question, but his voice leaves no room for discussion. Moving his hand to the small of your back, he leads you down a different path than you came, out a security door that he opens with a swipe of his badge, into a stairwell marked ‘A’, and quickly up the first flight of stairs.

The moment you’re alone with him, you can practically feel the words making their way up your throat, and before you can stop it, you begin explaining yourself, “You’re upset, I get it. I’m sorry I said… that in front of Abbot. Shouldn’t have done it, definitely will not happen again.” 

Robby’s hand flexes and your words seem to stop him dead in his tracks, feet coming to a halt in the middle of the landing between the staircases. He says nothing, and aside from the way his frown deepens, he stays very still. 

“Listen,” you begin, trying and failing to keep your voice steady and void of sadness, “if you’re really that upset about it, maybe we should–”

“I’m not upset,” he says, turning to face you while he shoves his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

You scoff, frustrated. Not upset? Sure. In a sweeping manner, you gesture at him from his feet to his crown, and back again, “Then what’s this?”

“I just worked a 12 hour shift in the emergency department, I think I’m allowed to look a little upset,” he scoffs back. “But this…,” he tries to gesture at himself the way you just did, but mostly just gets his face, which, to his credit, does worry you the most, “...is not because I’m upset with you.”

It makes your shoulders slump, but the short-lived sense of relief quickly makes room for guilt. Christ, he’s right. Today alone he’s probably seen things no other human being would see in a lifetime–should see in a lifetime. You should cut him some slack. Another apology is on the tip of your tongue, but Robby speaks first, 

“Saw Abbot’s shit-eating grin and wanted to get you out of there before he started asking you a million annoying que–” His voice dies down, and you can practically see the penny drop. He puts his hands on his hips, narrows his eyes at you, and swipes his tongue over his bottom lip before demanding, “Tell me.”

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. 

Didn’t Abbot tell him? Is Robby messing with you?

You could really use that hole to disappear into right about now…

You shuffle your feet. “Tell you what?”

“Tell me…” Robby takes a step closer so you’re standing toe-to-toe and looks at you expectantly, “…what you told Abbot.”

“I just said I was here to pick you up,” you try to save face, but you can recognize it’s a pathetic attempt; you literally can’t even look at him while you say it.

Robby’s arms cross, his shoulders drawing up as he bows his head and shakes it with an amused huff. “Liar.”

You gasp, “Fuck you, I did say that.”

“Fine,” he’s laughing now, “what else did you say?”

You know you have no choice but to be honest; if you don’t tell him, Abbot will. The mirth on his face helps, maybe he’ll take it as a joke and your crisis of relationship will be averted for the time being. 

“He asked how I knew you. And I… I might have said, ‘He’s… my boyfriend’.” You make your voice go up at the end, purposefully formulating it as a semi-question, like even you don’t remember exactly what you said, then throw in a chuckle for good measure, all in an attempt to take more weight off the revelation.

The silence that follows is deafening; even the emergency department waiting room past the door at the foot of the stairs seems to have gone quiet. A myriad of expressions pass Robby’s face, before it settles on something completely new to you–something completely unreadable. But this time, it’s impossible to look away, not when he swallows thickly, not when his defensive pose falls and his hands ball to fists, clenching and unclenching at his side. Your mind is already formulating its third planned apology of the day, but Robby foils it again. 

“You said that?” His voice is so fucking deep it’s more of a rumble, a slight tremble on the word said.

“Yes.”

“In those words?” he presses. “To Abbot?”

You nod with a sigh, realizing you might as well put all your cards on the table, “And the nur–”

“Am I?” 

Dropping your hands by your side, you sigh. “I don’t know, Robby. You tell me.” Your voice sounds so small, “Are you?”

There’s a sound of heavy fabric hitting the floor - his backpack, you realize - and then he surges forward, a hand anchoring itself at your waist while the other slips behind your head to cushion the way he crashes the both of you into the wall. He kisses you like he never has, with utter desperation, and bite, his teeth closing around your bottom lip before letting his tongue map you out like it’s the first time he gets to do it. Stunned, you clutch onto his arms, try to follow along with him, but he doesn’t give you a chance to catch up. 

“Yeah, I am,” the words come out more like a growl, “I’m your fucking boyfriend.” The ball of anxiety that’s been making a home in your gut explodes, melting into arousal so fast you’d think you did hit your head. It takes you another moment to move with him, moaning at the scrape of his beard against your chin and the flick of his tongue behind your teeth. 

Once your brain finds its connection to your body, all you want is more. So you take, with newfound vigor, a swipe of your tongue along his and a palm cupping the side of his neck, applying pressure in a way that makes him grunt. He pushes you back harder, plastering himself to your front. When he tries to wiggle his hand between your bodies and into your pants, it brings you back to reality for a split second. 

“Robby, fuck, wait–”

“No one’s gonna see,” he slurs. He sounds wrecked already, and you haven’t even done anything but kiss. You would be kind of proud of it if your brain wasn’t melting out of your ears with lust. Spreading your legs to give him more room, you– Wait, shit, focus.

Second split second. 

Closing your hand around his wrist, you start again, “Robby–” 

“No one fucking comes here, need a badge and they all take the elevator, I swear.” He kisses your neck, scrapes his teeth along that spot that makes you sigh. He’s playing so incredibly dirty– “Just… let me finger my girlfriend.”

It’s like you go boneless at the word, the hand he’s been wringing into your jeans slipping under your underwear with ease now that you’ve stopped fighting it. The shriek you let out when his fingers roll roughly over your clit echoes through the empty stairwell before you muffle it by clamping a hand over your mouth. It’s a lot, the emotional whiplash so severe that tears spring into your eyes when a finger dips into your entrance to test the waters.

Robby pulls away, hand and mouth, then brings one to the other. You might actually whine at the loss, and the way he sucks two fingers into his mouth, the thick digits coming back shiny and slick when he pulls them out, all without ever breaking eye contact. Then he’s back to frantic, dry hand pulling at your fly and zipper, and you help him with hurried, awkward moves, all but ripping your pants open to give him more room.

“Do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to hold back around you? When you... say stuff like that to people when I’m not around like it’s fucking… easy?” Robby pushes his middle finger into you as far as it’ll go, grunting like he’s enjoying it more than you are. His head tips down, watching how his hand is stuffed beneath the tight, rigid denim; yours falls back, panting up at the spiralling staircases above you, clutching onto the open ends of Robby’s hoodie for dear life when his finger starts pumping inside of you. “When you look so sweet and then get this wet for me?”

You clench around him, leaking into his palm while a groan rumbles from your chest when he adds a second finger. “Then don’t–” he bends them, finds something that makes you quiver, “Fuck, Robby, that’s good. Stop holding back around me.”

His hand curls around your jaw, pulling until your eyes meet; his are wild, pupils blown so wide his irises appear black even in the bright fluorescent hospital lighting.

You take the jump, your stomach flipping in a way that makes it feel like you’re actually in freefall, the admission somehow taking more vulnerability than letting him finger fuck you here of all places. “Stop holding back,” you say, desperately trying to convey that this is bigger than just this moment between you.

And when his hand stills, and he plants a dizzying kiss on your lips, it feels like he does, like he pours everything he can’t say into the simple, long press. You attempt to return the sentiment, slinging your arm around his neck, palming his nape that’s damp with sweat and holding him to you. You stay like this for a long moment, your heart beating so hard and fast that you wonder if Robby can feel it with how tightly you’re pressed together.

You don’t get time to think about if you can feel his, because his fingers slowly start up again between your legs, and he fucks you on his hand, palm grinding up against your clit until you’re crying out into his open mouth, coming hot, and hard, tears of pleasure spilling over your waterline while you tremble in his hold.

There’s nothing but him, his scent, the heat of his body, the stretch of him inside you coming even easier with your orgasm. You can’t breathe but it feels secondary to everything else when he grinds against your thigh, thick and heavy and fucking pulsing with need, trapped behind those cargo pants, and despite the fact that you just came, you feel like you need him more than air.

“Are you gonna put it in?” you ask, voice a little drowsy. “Please?”

The combination of his lazy grin and the flush along his cheeks makes him look somewhat boyish. “Give her one good orgasm and the fear of getting caught is fucked riiiight out, huh?” Robby says - anything but boyish - gently pulling his hand from between your legs while working his own pants open with his free one.

But it sobers you up a little from the lust you had overdosed on from the moment he crashed you into the wall. You go rigid against it now. “Wait. You said–”

“Relax,” he says, and embarrassingly, it’s enough to make you. Enough that you let him spin you around, yank your hips back and pull your pants and underwear down to mid thigh while your palms find the wall. “Wasn’t lying. No one comes here,” you hear him spit, followed by the unmistakably lewd sound of him spreading it around, “except,” he swipes the head of his cock through your messy folds, “for me.” The final word comes out with a punch of air and an oof! from you when he slides all the way inside in one go. He smiles to himself, pauses in consideration, then adds, “Well, and you.”

You laugh at the double entendre–you actually, properly laugh, when you should be focussing on adjusting to the thick spread of his cock. The soft walls of your cunt flutter around him, the plaster under your palms warming under your touch. “Shut up,” you say, but it lacks any bite or threat when your voice is still vibrating with laughter underneath it all. 

“Hmm, no, I– Jesus, your laugh is making it… tight. This isn’t gonna take long.” Something between a chuckle and a grunt comes out when you clench more at his words, and you swear you can feel him shake with it. 

“Then stop laughing,” you beg, a smile of your own spreading across your face when you look at him over your shoulder. “I had something far hotter planned, something like, Please, Robby, I want to walk out of here with your come dripping out of me.”

That gets him, his expression morphing into something a little more concentrated. It definitely breaks his giggles, because he looks down to where you’re connected and groans instead, a little involuntary stutter of his hips making him slide out just a fraction. 

Using your grip on the wall, you arch your back and push against him. “Yeah? Is that doing it for you?” you ask, continuing the gentle ebb and flow of pulling off and pushing back, reveling in the slow drag of him along your sensitive walls, the way his fingers dig into your heated skin.

Robby scoffs. “The mental image of you walking out of here dripping with my come, knowing I’m gonna think about it each time I walk up and down these goddamn stairs, which is only every fucking time I’m at work?” He grunts when you slowly let him fill you again. “Yeah, sweetheart, that’ll… that’ll do it.” 

Well, that shouldn’t make you feel as gooey as it does, but after everything, that might as well happen. 

Biting your lip, you lean your forearms, temple resting where your wrists cross, head twisted back to watch him. There’s a sliver of his belly visible over the swell off your ass, and you can see it tensing as you keep your rhythm steady. 

When he starts meeting you halfway, you wonder briefly if no one else truly comes here, or if at any moment, someone could sail around the corner and find you bouncing your ass off a doctor’s pelvis. It sends a rush of tingles up your body, and maybe you can admit to yourself that at this point, it really wouldn't faze you. The only thing that matters to you now, in this very moment, is the pulse of his cock and the promise of getting filled.

There’s another rush of wetness between your legs at the idea, and Robby inhales sharply through his nose when it makes him slide just a bit deeper, throat bobbing around a heavy swallow… and then he’s right there, with a curse, a groan that rises in volume and a pull of your hips back against his, where he holds you still. You can’t help but whimper at the warm sensation, at how fucking deep he gets as he comes and comes and comes. Heat spreads through your body, something that isn’t exactly an orgasm, but isn’t far off either, and makes your eyes roll back.

It takes a while for both of you to stop pulsing. With a deep sigh, you let your head fall forward, hanging down to observe the squished-together, naked tops of your thighs, your scrunched up pants, and your shoed feet with Robby’s larger ones planted on the outside of them. His hand has drifted up, tracing soft patterns across your back under your shirt that make goosebumps rise across your skin. There is absolutely no fucking reason for this to be so tender right now, but it is, and you kind of don’t want it to end.

But this is a hospital, and not the safe cocoon of either of your apartments, so it has to.

“C’mon,” Robby encourages softly, patting the small of your back, “we should get out of here.” 

Your pussy protests when he pulls out slowly, and you can’t blame her, especially not when you feel achingly empty after. It starts the slow trickle of his spend out of you, the angle you’re bent over at making it slide over your clit. Your body reacts with a lewd squelch, and it only results in more leaking. 

“Fuck, that’s…” Robby lets out a breath that sounds like a whistle, using his thumb and forefinger to spread you open a little more, “...pretty.”

Something disgustingly wrong with him for settling on that word. And with you for enjoying it so much. 

His fingers slide downward, dangerously close to your clit– “God, do not do that if you don’t want it going everywhere,” you warn.

The sound he makes is fond, and he’s quick to listen, letting you go in favour of helping you pull your underwear back up your hips. “Trusting you to keep it right there,” he says, before giving you a flat-handed tap between your legs that covers your entire pussy, the swat landing with the obscene, soppy sound of wet fabric meeting skin. 

A shock of pleasure shoots through your body, making you gasp and rise to your toes. You want to curse him for doing this to you here, where you can’t beg him to do it again until you come a second time - third? - because you could, you absolutely could. Instead, you’re forced to bend down and pull your pants back up your legs with an indignant little wiggle.

When you twist back around, fumbling with the button of your jeans, Robby’s already waiting, ready, safely tucked back into his cargo pants and with his backpack hanging off one of his shoulders. You sniff, hoping-praying that you look even a fraction as composed as he looks so you can leave the place with some dignity at least. 

“You look beautiful,” he says, before he stretches his hand out to you. His comment makes you heat up, your own hand no doubt clammy when you accept. As you let him lead you up the stairs, you try, and fail, to not think about how the fingers he interlocks with yours were deep inside you just minutes ago.

Practiced, routined steps lead you through hallways and corridors, weaving and bobbing through groups of patients, visitors and colleagues alike, until you reach gold-coloured revolving doors and step out into the evening. 

“Will you promise me something?” you ask as you start your trek, joined hands swinging between your bodies. 

You notice that above you, the skies have cleared.

“Just one thing?” Robby asks. “You’re lowballing, I like it.”

You roll your eyes. Your belly flutters. “One thing now.” 

He hums in affirmation.

“I can handle not seeing you on Wednesdays, I don’t mind seeing you at my place more often than at yours, but next time you want to ditch me for Abbot, make up a better excuse than rats.”

Robby lets out a laugh that’s basically just a punch of air. “Oh, I… Yeah. That was not an excuse. Those bad boys are actually down there.”

“What?” It comes out so much more indignant than you want to sound. “No they’re not.”

“Oh, I really do wish they weren’t,” he says, face scrunching up like he suddenly remembers the rats are in the emergency department, and he’s in charge of the emergency department, and this is a problem for tomorrow-Robby.

“Rats? Plural?”

“Plural.”

Immediately, your mind provides you with the mental image of rats in tiny hospital beds. You shake your head with a chuckle, “No wonder your wait times are insane.” Then, looking at him, you ask, “How does that work? Do they come in with wads of cash or do they have a tiny little insurance card? And why do I feel like rats probably have it better, like in general but definitely insurance wise, than we humans do?”

One corner of Robby’s mouth curls up, and he looks at you like he could kiss you. He doesn’t. He doesn’t answer either. Not that you expected him to. Instead, he says, “I didn’t see Jack just for the rat problem. I also talked to him… about you.”

You can feel yourself straightening up. That explains why the good doctor’s eyebrows nearly flew off. The rush of vindication nearly makes you sing, “Ohhhhh-ho-ho, now this I have to hear.” 

Robby closes his eyes, lips pursing slightly with a small shake of his head.

“C’mon, I had to spill,” you tug him against your side, “now you have to spill.”

“I think I spilled plenty.” He leans in, mouth at your ear, “Can you still feel it?”

You groan, your poor cunt clenching around nothing. Yes, you can still feel it. “You never play fair.”

“You like it,” he says.

“I can recognize that my wants and needs in a blindly horny state are not always most beneficial to my well-being once said horny state subsides.”

He snorts. “If it ever does. I think it’s chronic.”

“Is that your official diagnosis, Doctor Robinavitch?”

“‘fraid so. There’s nothing we can feasibly do except for managing the symptoms to make you more comfortable.”

You give him a playful shove, before pressing yourself back against his arm, “You like that I like it. In fact, you like it so much that you didn’t even have the patience to get out of here before–”

“I like you,” he cuts in quietly.

Oh, what the fuck. Case in point, he does not play fair.

Robby trails out a little ahead from where you’re frozen in place, until your arms are stretched out as far as they can go without letting go of each other. The streetlamp just behind him perfectly accentuates the silhouette of his profile as his head tips down: his little quiff, the point of his nose, the scruff around his lips. He retraces his steps until he can face you.

“Told him that I have feelings for someone, but that I was… scared of it. Scared of fucking it up, because that’s what I always do, and that made me actually fuck it up, and I couldn’t stand seeing how I made you feel, but I couldn’t–”

“Robby, stop.” You shake your head, letting go of him to try and find your bearings. “You think I’m not scared?”

“It’s easy for you. You are,” he lets out a bitter laugh, “so much better at this than I am.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you deadpan. Guess he missed the point spectacularly in the stairwell earlier. How someone, someone who is a doctor, can be so smart and so dumb at the same time, you don’t know. “I almost didn’t show up tonight because I was sure you were about to break things off with me because of how you’ve been acting.”

Robby’s head tilts, his jaw ticking as he looks at you with soft, guilty eyes. “Really?”

It takes everything in you to stay focused, because he looks at you as if you’ve wounded him, like you’ve just kicked him while he’s down. 

“It isn’t easy for me,” you redirect the conversation. “None of this ever is, but… when you find something that’s worth it, you try, and… this thing with you makes me want to try.” Satisfied, you nod firmly at your own words, then add, “You like me, I like you, I think we should be together. Like, officially. But if you don’t, you should tell me now.”

The thin line his lips had formed wobbles, before a smile that’s big enough to make the corners of his eyes crinkle in that way you love spreads out across his face. “Look at you, giving me a big speech.”

You deflate with disbelief at how smug he looks. This fucking guy. “Wasn’t that big.”

“You are sooooo better at this than me,” he says, cupping your cheeks with both hands to bring your faces together. The kiss he presses to your lips is soft, so fucking tender that it makes your toes curl in your shoes. “I want to be together,” he says, staying close enough that you can feel his lips brush over yours when he says it. With a teasing lilt that mimics your voice, he adds, “Like, officially.”

“Don’t mock me right now or I’ll break up with you,” you threaten, half-heartedly poking him in the chest, unable to keep the sheer happiness that rockets through your body from creeping into your stern expression.

Robby’s eyes narrow, like he’s considering something. Then he says, “Should we ditch the cinema–?”

You scoff, quickly changing gears, “No.”

“–take a hot shower, order some food–” He kisses you.

“I am never ditching the cinema.”

Another kiss. “–let me eat your pussy until you come at least twice.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “But I think I can make an exception just this once.”

Robby throws his head back and barks out a laugh, “See? Chronic.”

You have to twist your face to the side to keep yourself from laughing, too. Your cheeks already hurt too much from the stupid, happy grin that’s been plastered on your face intermittently throughout this rollercoaster of an evening. Turning your nose up to the sky and closing your eyes like you’re dismissing him, you push past him. 

With a little jog, he catches up to you, slinging an arm around your neck, and using it as leverage to press a kiss to your temple. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I know someone very capable of managing your symptoms.”

“Pretty sure he’s my enabler,” you grin, reaching for his hand where it hangs off your shoulder. “Hey, so what’s the big plan you and Abbot came up with to solve the rat problem?”

“Exterminator, once they find the time,” Robby sighs. “Until then, Whitaker, one of the medical students on rotation. He caught a couple of them,” he snickers, “Santos calls him the Pied Piper of Pittsburgh.”

You snort, listening as Robby talks more, about his co-workers, about the curious cases that were wheeled into the emergency department today, and you let him lead you into the opposite direction of the cinema and towards his apartment instead. 

In a quieter alley, you pass one of the street-level apartments, music bleeding from one of the windows and into the street. There’s soft, twinkling sounds, cresting drums and piano parts, an electric guitar that cuts in, 

…and I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might…

Your mouth curves into a smile at the song.

Yeah.

Fitting.

– – – – –

Thanks for reading! Please come say hi and/or share your thoughts via ask/messages/reblogs/whatever you feel comfortable with! Also, if you have any song suggestions for my Dr. Robby playlist, send them over, I’d love to add them!

[strangunddurm]

Need part two nooooowww

how easy you are to need - part 1

MICHAEL ‘ROBBY’ ROBINAVITCH x F!READER

|| part 2 >>

Summary: You accidentally send some very compromising pictures (and a particularly filthy video) to your boss/attending/crush. Chaos follows and, along with it, a very pleasant surprise.

wc: 7.6k

Warnings: f!reader, secondhand embarrassment probably (it ends well), kind of non-con voyeurism, resident/attending, implied age gap, lewds n’ nudes, jerking off at work, banter, robby has a dirty mouth, mutual pining, (they’re both down so bad but robby is better at hiding it), tension, reader is shorter than robby, alternating pov

A/N: *sobbing into my hands* it was not supposed to be like this. i need help. i need to be sedated. actual smut in part 2, i promise </3

Honestly, you really shouldn’t be putting in this kind of effort for a guy who’s failed to get you off not just once, not twice, but three times now, which happens to be the same number of times you’ve hooked up with him. 

Yet here you are, striking various poses in various states of undress with the hope of inspiring Tony to just try harder.

You start on your knees in your thigh highs, cheeksters, and a way-too-short crop top. Arch the back, make sure to get some under and side boob, a tasteful lewd to whet his palate.

Move to the bed and lose the panties. Part of your face is in the shot, lip between your teeth, but the main focus is your ass that’s pushed into the air enough to get a better view. 

The last photo is of your tits—most of them, anyway, but if Tony is smart enough to press his thumb to the screen, he’ll see that it’s a live and be generously afforded the sight of your nipples on screen for half a second when you give a little bounce. 

None of it is crazy, just enough to make him hungry, prepare him for the video you film. Back in bed, you take the time to get yourself wet with your favorite vibrator, feel your muscles contract and loosen in preparation for your fingers first, then your dildo. 

About seven inches with a satisfying girth, the toy is a shade of light teal (and glows in the dark, but that’s irrelevant). Phone secured in a telescopic stand that gives you more reach, you click ‘record’ again and spend the next 20 minutes filming and editing until you’re pleased with the end result. 

Your moans are loud enough to hear but not over the top, still leave gaps that are filled by the squelch of your pussy. Some frames catch the quiver of your thighs, others a glimpse of the curve of your tits where your shirt has ridden up. The star of the show, however, is the toy you’re plunging in and out of your cunt, coated in gossamer arousal at first but eventually smeared with white cream as you continue to fuck yourself with it. 

The orgasm at the end is faked, impossible for you to achieve without clitoral stimulation, but you’re positive Tony won’t know the difference considering you’ve already faked three with him. 

Scrolling through, you hum at everything you’ve managed to capture. Good work. Maybe he’ll finally go down on you for longer than three minutes. Maybe next time you see him, you’ll actually cum. 

Wishful thinking, but enough to motivate you to send the suggestive images and filthy fucking video. 

It’s about four PM, so Tony will be at work for another hour. Refusing to wait with baited breath, you toss your phone to the side and busy yourself with cleaning your toys. You’ve done enough for this guy; you’re not gonna let him take up any more space in your mind by obsessing over what his reply might be. 

You have no idea that you’ve just made a horrible mistake.

You should’ve double checked. Maybe then you would’ve been quick enough to delete everything. 

But, you didn’t, so you’re not, and about 15 minutes later when you pick up your phone again your heart drops into your ass. 

It’s so fucking stupid. You’re so fucking stupid. But Tony was your most recent message, and you were positive that when you unlocked your phone, it opened up his thread like it usually does. You hadn’t even noticed that it had, instead, taken you to your most recent notification—an older text thread that had remained untouched for over a week.

Until now. 

>> I know you just worked 5 in a row, but Mel is out with the flu. Is there any way you can come in for her tomorrow? 

From Robby. 

As in Dr. Robinavitch. As in your senior attending, your boss, your teacher (your crush for the last two years).

And, right there under his question, or really in response to it, are your three pictures and amateur video. 

You slap a hand over your mouth to keep vomit from spewing past your lips, ohh God, your stomach is rolling. There are literal tears in your eyes as you frantically type 

<< DO NOT FULLY OPEN THIS THREAD!!!

<< JUST DELETE IT 

<< PLEASE

But, you’re kidding yourself. It’s already been 15 minutes since you sent them, and that dreaded ‘Read’ is already time-stamped beneath your video. 

Dizzy and hot with humiliation, you walk into your bathroom and sit on the tile, want to be as close to the toilet as possible in case you really do hurl. 

<< I am SO sorry those obviously weren’t meant for you 

<< I didn’t realize you texted 

<< I should have double checked. Triple checked 

<< I’m so so sorry oh my god 

Three dots appear, and you bite down on your lip so hard, you just might open the scars left by old piercings. 

The dots disappear for several seconds. Pop back up. Disappear again. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

>> No worries. Deleted. 

You inhale shakily, the text almost impossible to read with how your phone quakes in your trembling hands. 

There is no way you’ll be able to look Robby in the face ever again. You should just go to the hospital now and grab any shit you have in the locker you share with Trinity. Start looking at different residency programs. See if you can get some kind of letter of recommendation from an attending who is not Robby. 

His question, you remember. If you can work for Mel. You can’t agree to it—absolutely not. 

Should you tell him that, though? Is he waiting for a real answer that does not involve your naked fucking body? Oh, this is bad. This is very not good. 

You don’t tell him that you’ll cover the shift, and Robby doesn’t ask a second time. He probably knows you’re going through the five stages of grief and are nowhere near ‘acceptance’. He’s a smart guy, merciful despite what some of the other residents say. You need time to process your egregious mistake, and he’s giving it to you. 

Or, so you assume. 

In reality, Robby is about ten miles away, dealing with what might be the most painful erection in the history of mankind, and he can’t even do anything about it aside from hide in the bathroom, staring and cursing at his traitorous dick for reacting like this. 

He’s at work, for fuck’s sake. There are patients bleeding out on the other side of this door, and he’s standing here like an asshole, contemplating if it’s possible to will his predicament away, or if it’ll be easier to just jerk off right here. Robby has no doubt that he’d be able to cum within thirty seconds, but the morality aspect of it…

Getting himself off in the bathroom of his own emergency department is goddamn degenerate behavior, but how the fuck is he supposed to focus like this? 

Holy fuck, he’s so hard it hurts, and when Robby finally pulls his cock from his cargos, the pressure of his hand alone has him gasping and hissing. His tip is leaking precum, and he decides that yeah, this was the right move. Most ethical? Fuck no. But at least now he won’t have to explain any suspicious fluid that may bleed through his pants. 

The weight of his phone in his pocket is comparable to that of an anvil. Robby tries to ignore it, gives himself a few slow strokes while bracing his other hand on the wall. 

Don’t. Don’t look at the pictures. Do not fucking open that thread again (the one that he definitely did not delete). Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t—

“Shit,” Robby huffs, grabbing his phone, unlocking it, immediately opening your messages. 

He’s fucked. He is fucked. Can’t believe he’s actually doing this. It’s wrong on so many levels, but God, you are gorgeous and splayed out, on display for Robby to drink in even though these images were not meant for his eyes.

The arch of your back in the picture of you on your knees. The outline—the suggestion—of your tits beneath that impractically tiny top, completely gone in the next image to show off the slopes and curves and valley between. Robby thinks about what it might feel like to suck on your pebbled nipples, what sounds you’d make for him. 

Then, he sees the video, the one he hadn’t actually opened because the screencap was already too much. It’s what sent him speed walking to the nearest bathroom in the first place. 

He’s smart enough to turn his volume all the way down, looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is nearby despite being in a very locked staff restroom that is one, marked as occupied, and two, requires a code to get in. Still, it never hurts to double check (as you learned just a few minutes ago). 

With a deep breath, hand still wrapped around his cock, Robby taps his screen to play the video and—

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he whispers, sucking saliva from his teeth as he watches you move the camera from your chest down your torso, your hips, and finally the hand between your legs. The toy between your legs. 

Robby is panting as he watches you, stroking himself and time-locked with the bright dildo you’re thrusting in and out of your cunt. 

He wants to hear you, fuck, he wants to find out if you’re moaning or whimpering or letting your pussy do all the talking. 

The toy shines in the light whenever you pull it out, but Robby zeroes in on the ring of cream you leave around the base, smearing it up and down as you keep fucking yourself, and fuckfuck, he’s gonna cum. He’s gonna cum in this hospital restroom to this video that he was never supposed to see, the video he’d told you he deleted. 

So wrong, so fucking wrong, possibly the most fucked up thing he’s ever done, but he couldn’t help it—can’t help it when you tremble and buck and shove the dildo into your pussy as far as it’ll go like you’re greedy for more. 

Robby can give you more. He wants to give you more, has wanted to for too fucking long. From the first time he stood behind you to guide you through a procedure, got a whiff of your shampoo, saw the way you smiled at him. Cute and competent, beautiful, flexible, good. You’re so fucking good. 

He’s ignored it for two years. Two years of squeezing his eyes shut to block out the stars in yours. Two years of biting back groans when you end up pressed against him in a crowded trauma room. Two years of flushed skin and heart palpitations and staring at someone he shouldn’t even be glancing at. 

But, now he has the pictures and this video, and it’s like he’s been damned to a special kind of hell. He’s watching you take that dildo, obsessed with the idea of watching you take something bigger, take him, let him fill you up with more than just his cock. Shit, he could give you so much more, load after load until his cum is dripping out of your pussy rather than off of his hand like it is now. 

“Fuuucking—”

Robby drops his head to the wall and takes a few deep breaths while letting the shame wash over him, wishing he would drown in it instead of simply bathing. 

•

Robby quickly figures out that he is going to have to be the mature one out of the two of you. He doesn’t really have a choice, has to pretend that he didn’t get off to your photos or that he’s watched the video so many times he has it fucking memorized. Every breath, every moan, the faked orgasm at the end that’s honestly kind of insulting. He’s offended on your behalf because you should never ever have to fake that. You should have never gotten so good at faking it.

The first shift that you work with one another, you go out of your way to avoid him. It’s impossible to keep up considering the environment and pace that goes along with traumas, but whenever you aren’t stuck in a room with him, you do your best to hide. 

It isn’t subtle. 

If Robby could, he would also be making himself scarce, but again, he was supposed to delete your messages, not obsess over them with his hand shoved down the front of his pants. 

After stepping into an exam room that you’re already in then watching you scurry out of it at the first opportunity, Robby decides he’s had enough. This kind of avoidant behavior, though understandable in this case, just doesn’t fucking work in an ER, and he refuses to let you fuck up the rest of your residency over some accidental nudes. 

So, Robby plasters on his best ‘I have never seen your pussy before’ expression and, when he gets his chance, wraps a hand around your elbow and gently guides you out to the ambulance bay. 

You don’t protest or shrug him off, just sigh, resign yourself to whatever fate you think Robby has in store for you. 

He looks around, checking for any coworkers or, you know, incoming ambulances, and once he deems it safe, Robby takes you by the shoulders, looks you dead in the eye, and states, “you have got to fucking relax.”

He thinks you might sputter or gawk, but that is not what happens.

“That’s easy for you to say!” and you do not bother censoring yourself when you continue, “you’re not the one who sent fucking nudes to your boss.”

“Definitely not arguing that, and I get that you’re embarrassed, but I’m telling you—” he notices that he’s still holding onto you, drops his hands and shoves them into his jacket pockets, “—it’s fine, alright? I’m not gonna fucking blackmail you or make fun of you or some shit. I’m not twelve.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re a grown ass man who I work with every day who has now seen my—my, like…” 

You can’t even say it, can’t even look at him, just hide your face in your hands. 

It’s fine. Robby can finish it for you. Maybe if he’s blunt about it, the awkwardness will dissipate. Lay it out. Rip off the band-aid. Exposure therapy. 

“I’m a fucking doctor. Seeing a pair of tits,” perfect, pretty tits, “and a vulva,” slick and creamy, hole all twitchy and greedy… Christ. Robby has to clear his throat in order to finish, “it’s not gonna faze me. Yours is not the first female body I’ve seen.”

The number of emotions that play out on your face is more entertaining than it should be. Mortification to surprise to confusion to something very fucking pouty. 

“What? What are frowning about?” 

Your, “nothing,” comes out suspiciously fast, and Robby narrows his eyes as you avert yours. “Nothing. It’s just weird hearing you talk like that.”

He rubs a hand down his face. Of all the things to focus on. 

“Tits. Pussy. Cock. Cunt,” he lists because if you’re gonna hash all of this out, he can’t have you on the brink of combusting. 

“Oh my god, stop! Stop talking!” It’s practically a squeal, and the noise sends heat racing down Robby’s spine to settle right at the base of it. 

It reminds him of the sounds you made in that video, turned up all the way while in the privacy of his own home. Gasps, and mewls, and adorable whines. Little ‘please please please’s thrown in there as a treat, but even if the begging isn’t genuine, it still sounds damn good, still ricochets in Robby’s brain even now. 

“I’m just trying to show that this isn’t a big fucking deal,” he tries, then immediately backtracks when he sees yet another emotion play out on your face: anger. “Hold on, wait, listen. I’m not trying to invalidate you. I—look, I get that you’re probably feeling vulnerable, or that now I don’t know, I have something on you, or more power or some other bullshit. I recognize that, okay? Nod with me,” he pauses to make sure you’re following, would be worried about condescending, but you don’t seem to take it as such, just stare and do as you’re told, nodding slowly. “As far as I’m concerned, it never happened,” a lie, “it was a mistake. You have a life outside of this ER just like I do.”

“You send dick pics to the wrong people?” you pipe up, finally starting to look more like a person and less like a deer being hunted.  

“Well, no…” Robby cradles the back of his neck, “but I’m sure some of the people who’ve seen it wish they hadn’t.”

He never noticed how fucking cute you are when you’re caught off guard—eyes widening, brows rising, lips parting. 

“Didn’t ever think I’d end up in a conversation with my attending about his dick,” you mutter. 

Robby laughs, “yeah, well, I didn’t ever think my best resident would send me a sex tape.”

Your jaw drops, but the corners of your mouth are still upturned. “It was not a sex tape—”

Hands back in his pockets, Robby’s body language screams his disagreement. He lifts his shoulders in a shrug, presses his lips into a line, rocks his head back and forth as if he’s waffling on the idea until he eventually responds, “mmmyeah, except it is. That was a sex tape.”

“It was n—wait,” you stop, eyes going wide again only they don’t stop growing, threatening to pop out of their sockets. 

Confused, Robby raises an eyebrow and—

Ohh, shit. 

“You watched it?”

Yep, he just outed himself, and now all he can do is cringe. 

“Robby, what the fuck?!”

He expects a slap to the face. Deserves that and more. But all you do is stand there, hands on your cheeks like you just stepped out of whatever art museum The Scream is mounted in. 

“I’m sorry—I don’t…” He runs his palms up his face, presses them to his temples before settling at the top of his head and squeezing his skull as if it’ll ground him. “I have no fucking excuse. I’m sorry. It was just base brain curiosity.”

Head hanging forward, you shake it back and forth, muttering something Robby can’t hear as you shift your weight from one foot to the other. 

Should he go back inside? He should go back inside. Jesus, this is about to be an HR clusterfuck, god dammit—

“Okay, the least you can do is tell me I looked good in it, fuck.” 

You seem to steel yourself, crossing your arms over your chest, hip cocked out, chin up in some kind of unnecessary defiance. 

“You…” Robby blinks at you, stunned. His entire body feels like it’s on fire, blushing all the way to his scalp. “You want me to fucking critique it?”

“Absolutely not. If you criticize any of it, I will kill myself,” you say so seriously that Robby actually believes you. “I want you to tell me that I didn’t fucking film it for no goddamn reason, ‘cause the guy it was for didn’t seem to care, so—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Robby cuts you off, startled by how loud his voice is. 

It makes you jump, but you still release something that might be a giggle. 

“I wish I was. He just said ‘you’re sexy’,” finger quotation marks, “with a sweating emoji.” 

You roll your eyes, and Robby lets out an incredulous laugh about an octave higher than is normal for him, looks up at the bay awning while uttering, “Jesus, men are so fucking stupid,” before he levels his gaze back on you. 

“Yeah, I’m well aware.” All moody and inpatient, literally tapping your foot as you look at Robby expectantly. “Well?”

He checks his surroundings again, must be habit at this point, then asks, “you want me to be honest?” and when you nod, he pushes a little more, “one hundred percent?” just to be sure. 

“Oh my god. You watched the video like a fucking pervert. I think I deserve some validation—yes, I’m sure.”

How is his skin still getting hotter? 

Robby exhales through his teeth, squeezes his eyes shut for a second before shaking off his nerves. 

You aren’t mad at him. Irritated, maybe, but not about to shove a scalpel into his carotid. And, you’re asking for his opinion, asking for his praise, brimming with curiosity. 

It gives Robby undeserved confidence, and he slowly walks you backward toward the brick wall behind you until he’s got you crowded against it. 

Lips nearly brushing the shell of your ear, he confesses—quiet, deep, rough, “I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve cum to that video of you.” 

You inhale sharp enough for him to hear, air filling your lungs and making your chest rise, and suddenly Robby isn’t the only one who’s burning. He can feel the heat radiating off of you. 

So, he keeps going.

“You want validation?” 

He’s met with the tiniest nod, as if you’re ashamed for asking. Robby tells you exactly why you shouldn’t be. 

“I got those messages while I was here, right in the middle of the pitt. Didn’t even move ‘cause I was too busy staring at how pretty you are in them…” He raises a hand to catch a strand of your hair, tries to memorize how soft it is between his fingers. “Locked myself in the bathroom ‘cause I couldn’t let anyone see how fucking hard I was getting. Doubt I need to tell you what I did in there.”

He’s getting bold. Too bold. About to cross the last line bold. Your head is tilted back so you can gaze up at him, and Robby takes it as an invitation, drops your hair in favor of running a knuckle up the side of your neck then along your jaw. 

“I watched that video and stroked my cock until I came all over my hand like some fucking teenager. And, then I went home and did it again.”

Biting your lip, your eyes are hooded and desirous as you slide down the wall a couple inches, stopped by the leg Robby slots between yours without thinking. 

“Listened to you over and over—so fuckin’ sweet when you started whining, when your pussy started begging.”

“Holy fuck,” you whisper, and it pulls a chuckle from his chest. It’s easy to tell you’ve never had a man speak to you like this. Robby is glad to be the first. Honored, even. 

Some of your weight rests against his thigh, and he has to bite back a groan when your hips twitch against him. 

It was just a few days ago that Robby was locked in a prison of arousal and self-loathing, hating himself for even thinking about getting off in the EC. Now, he’s got you pinned to the wall outside of the same department, and all he wants is to watch you grind and squirm against him. 

Any shame he felt before is long fucking gone. 

“The photos, the video… I know you’re embarrassed, but I am fucking ruined, okay? I can’t think straight anymore, not when you’re around. Fuck, not even when you’re gone.” 

He’s telling you too much, admitting things he shouldn’t, but he’s spent days walking around with the image of you fucking yourself with a dildo burned into his retinas (days walking around with his cock being at least half hard at any given time). 

Pent up, frustrated, and stupid, Robby really can’t be held at fault for running his mouth and letting his hands wander. 

“And, the worst part of it all,” his fingers curl over where your neck meets your shoulder, but his thumb is stretched out to lightly press against your throat, wishing he could leave his unique print on your skin. 

“The fucking worst part is that you took those while thinking of some someone else, put on your little thigh-highs and fucked yourself for some asshole who can’t tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake one.”

You go rigid between Robby and the wall, staring up at him in shock. You’re still simmering from the contact, with where all this is heading because it is heading somewhere. 

But, the difference between… there’s no way he could know. He’s just talking shit about Tony because he’s jealous apparently (and that idea is extremely fucking hot), but his words hit home because yeah, you have faked every orgasm with Tony, and no, he hasn’t noticed. 

But, how could Robby? He’s seen one video; it’s not like he knows—

“Honey, I’ve been fucking for longer than you’ve been alive,” oh, good lord, “I know what an orgasm looks and sounds like.” His hand is calloused where he cups your cheek, and you melt straight into it. “What you did in that video was beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t real.”

He raises the leg between yours, probably rocks onto the ball of his foot, and it presses harder against you, but it’s not enough. Even when you grind down, clutch at his shoulders, it is not fucking enough. 

His brazen display of self-assuredness makes you dizzy and dumb. If he’s this confident, there must be a reason, and that reason is likely how you’re responding to him. Your body language, how you can barely even see him through your half-lidded eyes, how your bottom lip is raw from chewing on it.

It makes you desperate—embarrassingly so, and when his coarse beard grazes over your cheek bone, you let the last of your inhibitions dissipate. 

“Robby, I swear to God, if you keep talking, I will literally fuck you in one of the parked ambulances.”

He has the audacity to laugh, a puff of air straight from his throat that cascades over the shell of your ear, and it makes you want to cry. It makes you hit your head against the wall behind you. One, two, three times before Robby slips his hand between your skull and the bricks. 

“Not in an ambulance,” he shakes his head, brown eyes trained on your mouth. “You won’t be able to move the way I want you to in an ambulance.”

His voice is so low, a rumble, a vibration, and it makes you pulse, pussy hungry for what you can’t have. 

You roll your hips in a plea for more friction, and you’re about ready to strip right here and now if it means he’ll fuck you. 

If you could just push him a little further. If you could just make him as crazy as he’s made you. 

Eager to the point of hysteria, you squeeze your eyes shut and tell him the secret you’ve been harboring since starting at the hospital (part of it, anyway), something you never imagined telling him, and it comes out in the form of pathetic incoherencies— “it was you. I was thinking about you when I made the video, ‘nd I’ve done it before—made myself cum while—I try not to, t-to think and, like, imagine other things, but can’t—”

A surprised grunt (squeak) is forced out of you when Robby crushes his lips against yours, and you cannot remember the last time a man has rendered you so fucking useless, but fuck, you’re holding onto him as if it’ll keep you in a solid state because it sure feels like you’re about to evaporate out of his hands and into the clouds.

You are going to die here. No way you can survive his beard scratching against your face or the sensation of his lips on yours, warm and a little chapped but so, so hungry as they move with yours. 

Jesus fuck, you feel his tongue, do not hesitate to stroke it with your own, licking into his mouth before pulling back and catching his bottom lip between your incisors and biting. 

Robby groans, the fingers at the back of your head curling into your hair. He cants his hips forward, and you finally see that it’s not just you who’s affected. Worked up. Not thinking straight. 

This is Robby—the man who is obsessed with controlling everything he can, who refuses to let anyone see what he’s bottled up, who compartmentalizes so much you’re surprised he doesn’t have multiple active bleeding ulcers—tearing apart at the seams little by little. 

Quick, tiny rips that turn to longer cuts then into deep gashes until he’s cleaved right down the middle. You feel the way his eyebrows pinch together when you hold his face to yours, inhale every one of his shaky breaths, grind yourself down on his thigh as his hips move in short, abortive thrusts. 

Fuck, fuck, “on-call room—”

“No.” Growled. Rough. Leaving no room for argument. “I’m not doing this until I can spread you out,” —the way he keeps running his nose up your cheek is driving you crazy, but not as much as his voice in your ear, “until I can make you scream my fucking name.”

“God, fuck, Robby—”

He smiles, you think, judging by the way his beard scratches at you differently, “not a chance in hell I’m letting anyone else hear you like this.”

There is a very good chance, however, that you’re dripping through your panties and possibly your scrubs. You surge forward, demanding another kiss that Robby eagerly bends to. 

A siren sounds in the distance, distorted by the doppler effect that matches the way you feel inside, like your sanity is waxing and waning, screaming then whimpering. 

“There are still three fucking hours left in this shift,” you grumble, “and you expect me to just power through? Wet?”

He swears under his breath, something that is so very satisfying, but when he actually lifts his head and pulls back enough for you to see his flushed face, he somehow manages to school his expression into something professional. 

“I expect you to do your job,” he says, masterfully composed. You pout, and Robby brushes hair from your face at the same time that he shifts his leg against your cunt, and you think he must really enjoy seeing you unstable because he tacks on a low, sing-songy, “be good for me.”

Fucking devilish. 

Hands on his chest, you shove him backward, eyes narrowed in a heatless glare. 

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Oh, you have no idea how mean I can be,” he shoots back, winks, then turns his attention to the ambulance that’s pulling up into the bay. 

Back to business, hands in his pockets, brown eyes clear and alert, like nothing even happened. 

“34-year-old female with multiple fractures after a hit-and-run while biking…”

You move on autopilot, falling into step beside the gurney as the medic rattles off numbers and injuries. The motions come easily, muscle memory, but even as you assess and examine, you can’t ignore how damp your panties are. When Robby announces that the biker’s hip needs to be reduced, you almost roll your eyes at him before stepping up to get a better angle. 

External rotation, upward pull, praise the Gods for fast-acting pain meds. 

A hand steadies you as you begin to lower yourself, and you don’t have to look to know who it belongs to. Scorching and far too familiar, following your movements while remaining planted on the small of your back. 

When you’re on solid ground, you lean close to Robby’s shoulder and clack your teeth together as if snapping at him. Playful, maybe even cheeky, but quick so that no one else notices. 

He goes along with it, scrunches his nose while imitating a snarl, and you gallop to put distance between you and him before he can catch the ridiculous fucking giggle that bubbles out of you.

What have you gotten yourself into? 

Two and a half more hours, a case of appendicitis, and a knowing smirk. 

An hour and 45 minutes, a collapsed lung, and fingers that linger a little too long. 

30 minutes, a football player with a compound fracture, and breath on the nape of your neck as he slides to get to your other side. 

The night shift crew starts trickling in, and Ellis nearly pulls you into what would probably be a witty conversation full of laughs and subtle shit-talking, but you spin away from her with the excuse of being late for a family dinner. 

You need to shower and you need to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror and you need to—

“Family dinner?”

Robby catches up to you outside, which was not supposed to happen because he always stays later than necessary, wants to be his control freak self and keep an eye on the night shift for at least an hour. 

“Too late for you to play dumb. I already know you’re an evil goddamn mastermind.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responds, eyes to the sky, whistling in a casual, cartoonish manner. 

Bouncing back and forth between overwhelming frustration and giddy anticipation, you walk a little closer to him, biting the inside of your cheek when Robby gently shoulders into you.

Then, like a bucket full of ice water, the situation washes over you all at once. From the accidental pictures up to now. The mortification and anxiety, the compulsive avoidance, the enthusiastic conversation you had mere hours ago. 

You stop walking.

Flirting at work is one thing, but bringing it out into the real world…?

You want it. You want him. You have for too long, and you’ve struggled with it. 

Dating apps and hookups and finding new fucking hobbies—they’re just attempts at distracting yourself. You wish you could cope with extra shifts, but that would be counterproductive. It’s hard enough seeing Robby a few days a week. Any more than that and there would be no hope for you to get over this thing you’ve had for him. 

This can’t be a hookup brought on by a few filthy photos. This can’t be the first time he’s ever seen you as more than just a resident. This can’t be a roaring fire tonight that gets doused in the morning. 

Robby only gets a few steps further before noticing your standstill, stops a few feet ahead at the edge of the lot your car is parked in. 

“You okay?” he ventures, “rethinking all of this?”

You shake your head, “no,” then, “yes.”

Robby frowns but the expression doesn’t come off as upset. More confused than anything. 

“You can back out. I know you’re in limbo or… something, but—”

“No, it’s not that,” you wave off, and you notice that your hand is shaking. Actually, all of you is shaking. It’s pretty well contained, you think, but the antsy energy makes you clench your jaw too tight.

Robby is looking at you in a way only he can—concerned, compassionate, exhausted—and he’s about to open his mouth again, push for you to talk to him with that gentle tone that’s usually meant to placate patients and family, and unfortunately, you’re going to be completely honest, tell him what you left out in the ambulance bay, because you’ve never been able to lie to him. 

“What is it, then?” He takes a step forward but keeps his hands in his pockets. It makes him look relaxed, unimposing, I am restrained; I cannot hurt you. “This can end right here if you want it to, but you’ve gotta tell me.” 

Kind despite the gravel, just as you predicted. 

Heaving a sigh, you snort to yourself, truly cannot believe you’re about to ruin the rest of your residency with a single conversation. 

“I know, yeah, just… I’m about to say some things, and they might make you feel awkward or, I don’t know, like, trapped or whatever, so—”

“Is this about the crush you’ve had since you started?”

He just says it. To your face, right out in the open!

Jaw dropping all the way, you stare at Robby completely dumbfounded. Your cheeks blaze and your ears ring and the world around you comes to a jerky stop. 

“You—you knew?”

His eyes are damn near blinding with the way they shine, a smile tugging at his lips, so fucking self-satisfied even as he blushes. 

“It took me a while to catch on, but yeah,” he nods, moving closer now as he pulls a hand from his pocket to scratch over the hair on his cheek. 

You’re only torturing yourself by asking, “how?” but you need to know. What did you do? What tipped him off?

Robby’s grin softens, his blinks get slower, and for the first time today, he sounds a little unsure. 

“You remember that marathon last year? Some charity event, I think for Alzheimer’s or dementia, one of those nightmare diseases.”

“It was Parkinson’s,” you remind him. 

“Right, anyway, we were fucking packed with broken ankles and torn ligaments, that one guy with rhabdomyolosis…” he lists, eyes to the sky instead of on you. “Then, that kid came in with a dislocated jaw, and—”

“Oh, no, I remember now.” Because you do. You remember this story almost as well as you remember the butterflies. 

Robby chuckles. “I still don’t know why, but you got this fucking look on your face when I showed you how to pop it back into place, like I’d just performed some goddamn miracle, and it didn’t—no, it still doesn’t make sense to me, but I remember liking that look way too fuckin’ much, thought about it too much, wondered if you thought about me too much, and eventually it sort of… started making more sense. Not that it’s me, that doesn’t—the doe eyes, I mean, I understood a little better.”

His rambling would be adorable if you weren’t so fucking embarrassed. Shit, how many times had you stared at him with those “doe eyes” without realizing it? Like a dumb puppy chewing on his pant leg to get his attention. 

You slap a hand over your face and shake your head. “So, you’ve just been going along with it no matter how uncomfortable it probably made you.”

If you were to actually look at him again, you’d see the way Robby rolls his eyes. 

“Didn’t listen to a fucking word I said, Jesus…” 

Now, you do glance up, see the familiar way his fingers lock at the back of his neck as Robby slides his jaw back and forth like he’s thinking. Debating. 

“Okay, here’s what it is—I went along with it. I ignored it.” Ah, ouch. “Or, I tried to, ‘cause it’s fucking distracting, but not… it doesn’t make me feel like—what’d you say earlier? Awkward or trapped. It's distracting ‘cause I can see it. On your face. And, I lose my goddamn focus ‘cause all I can think about is—fuck—what can I do to make you keep looking at me like that?”

He looks stressed, like he’s arguing with an ignorant, unruly patient, even releases one of those incredulous laughs. It doesn’t feel like he’s frustrated with you, though, and you think that maybe he hadn’t planned on telling you all of this. 

“Wait…” you massage your temples, “what are you—hold on.”

Is he saying what you think he’s saying? No. No, definitely not. 

“You’re my resident,” Robby groans, and you know. You know you’re his resident and he’s your attending. 

You know it’s cliché and stupid and impossible which is why you’ve been doing everything you can to move the fuck on. It even felt like you’d been making progress, slow and minuscule as it was, it was still progress. 

But, now you’ve seen how heated his gaze is, heard how rough his voice gets, felt his body pressing against yours, and all of that progress has been lost. In fact, you’ve fallen behind your initial starting point, and this time he knows. 

“I’m sorry—I know. I didn’t mean to put you in a shitty spot, but I couldn’t help it! If I could stop, I would.”

“Please fucking don’t,” Robby replies swiftly, covers the last bit of distance until he’s right in front of you, shaking his head and keeping you pinned under those endlessly tortured brown eyes, “don’t be sorry, don’t try to stop.” 

His hand feels huge on your cheek, and you subconsciously lean into it while gazing up at him. Curling his fingers, you feel his nails graze your cheekbone as a devastatingly soft plea falls from him, “don’t stop fucking looking at me like this.”

You wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to. 

The kiss is a surprise. You didn’t think he’d be the type to be comfortable displaying something like this in a public setting; any of your coworkers could walk by, could snicker, could judge, so either he’s not in his right mind, or he really does not care. 

“There are people,” half-hearted and muffled against his lips as you raise up to your tiptoes. 

Robby huffs a laugh and tells you, “couldn’t give less of a fuck,” and proves it by settling his free hand on your back, just over the waistband of your pants, and pulls until you’re slotted against him. 

It’s… not softer than before, there’s definitely still force behind the kiss, but it’s less greedy. Less about taking, more about giving—giving up, giving in, giving everything. 

You’re still just as desperate as you were three hours ago, want him between your legs, want him to wreck you, but the way his mouth feels moving with yours is all you can focus on. Harsh pressure receding into something feather light, angling your face, tender yet controlling, so that his nose bumps yours, parted lips barely dragging over yours, and he’s teasing, making you want him more and more. 

“So, here’s my plan,” Robby breathes so, so close. 

You think you hear footsteps nearby, can’t find it in yourself to be bothered by them. 

“You have my…” you barely manage to swallow a whimper when he pulls you impossibly closer, “—undivided attention.”

Robby smiles and hums, “like the sound of that,” before getting back on track, “my plan, though—”

“Mhm, your plan,” your hands travel down his torso, finding belt loops to hook your fingers in. 

“It involves going to your place first, so you can grab clothes, your toothbrush, and whatever toys you use to get yourself off—” 

The way he says it punches the air straight from your lungs. 

“Then, we’re going to mine, and I’m gonna use every one of those toys, make sure you actually cum.”

Robby nips at your lower lip, traps it and sucks before he continues. 

His voice isn’t just gravel now; it’s stone. Firm, deep, excavated from his chest— 

“And, when we get there, I am going to fuck you until the only thought in your pretty head is how good I can make you feel.”

If it weren’t for Robby’s broad frame in front of you, the setting sun would beam straight through your dangerously blown pupils, fry both of your fucking optic nerves, but the danger is blocked, eclipsed by this menace of a man.

You’ve seen Robby goof around, seen him play and poke fun, but you have never seen him look and sound and be so fiendish—an honest to god villain. 

And you are so fucking wet, you think you’re getting dehydrated. 

“That… that sounds, uh,” you try, possibly panting, definitely light-headed. But, you are nothing if not stubborn, so you counter, “sounds kinda presumptuous, actually. Assuming I’m just gonna, like, spend the night and cum my brains out.” 

You make a show of rolling your eyes. The petulance doesn’t quite land when you shudder from the sensation of his fingers toying with your waistband, so you add, “I’ve noticed that when guys talk a big game, I usually leave disappointed.”

Robby looks entertained, a little endeared, an expression that reads something like, that’s cute. 

“I’m sure that’s been your experience in the past, but I’m not some fucking,” he makes a dismissive motion like he can’t be bothered to think too hard about it, “some douchey real estate agent you found on Tinder.”

“What side of Tinder are you on?” you snort. 

“I’m not on it at all, actually, but you’re missing the point.”

“Right,” you suck your teeth, still challenging but refusing to move away from him. “The point being you’re gonna rock my world or whatever.”

Robby takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger then uses them to shake your head for you. With his eyebrows raised, his responding, “no,” sounds like an admonishment, “the point being I actually care about making you cum, and plan to do so—multiple times, if I have it my way…”

“Your way,” you parrot. 

“My way.” He strokes your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. “Gonna make sure you don’t send more filthy fucking pictures to anyone but me from now on.”

Is it possible to climax from words alone? It must be because having Robby talk to you like this, show how possessive he can be, it feels like you’re about to explode. 

“So I can keep sending videos, then? Didn’t say anything about those.”

“As long as it shows my head between your thighs, go for it.”

Your pitchy, disbelieving giggle breaks enough for him to hear, “what? Are you serious?”

“No, I’m not fucking serious, are you kidding me? My eyes only, got it?”

Your pussy clenches as if he’s already fucking you.

“I—didn’t you have a fucking plan, or are you just gonna keep riling me up?”

“Oh, so you’re on board then?” he toys, smile growing both in size and smugness. 

You click your tongue, quietly scoff, “as if you don’t know. Asshole.”

Robby laughs, and you grab a handful of his hoodie before turning and making your way to your car.

He’s more than happy to be tugged along behind you.

[strangunddurm]

due for trouble | you're mine

the pitt masterlist main masterlist

pairing: jack abbot x f!reader

a/n: i'm actually going to murder my keyboard i am so done with the extra letters and spaces you're gonna yell at me about the end but i'll pick up straight where this leaves off tomorrow :)

warnings: unplanned pregnancy, language, the girls are fighting!! he's big mad, they yell, etc. gets saucy near the end but no smut

< part 5 | part 7 coming soon!

Jack loves working on the night shift. He loves his coworkers, being able to watch the sun rise, and he loves the relative peace in his shift when compared to what he knows the day shift is like.

Lately, he's been thinking about the downsides, though.

When the baby is here, god, he's having a baby, but when it's here does that just mean that its your job to take care of it all night and then go to work all day? He can afford daycare no problem, but maybe he should look into nighttime nurse for you. He adds it to the mental list of things he needs to figure out.

There's approximately 4 million other things on his list as well.

It's another of his string og three days off, and he's seated on his couch trying to enjoy a movie that he put on. He'd much rather be with you, but you're out with your friends at some new country bar that popped up.

When you had first told him your plans for the night, he cringed. Thinking about the hot, sweaty environment you must be in, the opportunities for slips and falls on the sticky dance floor, and in his darkest thoughts, the possibility of you getting something put in your drink, regardless of if it was just water or a soda.

But be a controlling ass he will not, so he wished you and your friends a fun night and left it at that.

He's regretting that now as he looks at his phone and the message he got from your friend Emily. He scrambles for his reading glasses, slips them on, and inspects the text message thouroughly, trying to decipher it.

'miss girl fully eating with her fit'

She had sent along a photo as well, highlighting your cowgirl boots, your cute little sundress, and the intricate way that you had styled your hair for the evening. Jack, however, is focused on the tall cowboy character that you're talking to in the picture, smiling up at him as he looks down at you.

He puts his phone down, biting his lip and thinking about how hard he wants to take this. He's not taking it well overall.

'Do you guys need a ride home?'

He asks. It's about 11:30 now, so he would be able to get there at midnight, which he thinks is a perfect time to leave a country bar.

He's already up and changing out of his sweatpants before he gets a text back.

'uhhhh we were all going to get an uber home'

Emily had texted back.

Jack rolls his eyes.

'I'm on my way, be there in 30'

Jack has a white-knuckled grip on his steering wheel as he gets closer to the bar and finds a parking space.

He has to wait in line to get in and pay a $15 cover, which only sours his mood more. He's borderline seething as he enters, his eyes quickly scanning the open space.

He finally spies you, standing at the bar talking to someone.

Instead of being your friends, it's a tall, cowboy-hat wearing tool with a few too many buttons undone on his shirt.

He makes his way through the bar to you, and you don't even notice his presence until he has wormed his way into your conversation, standing directly in front of you.

Your eyes flick over, at first just preturbed about the man in your space, then your expression shifts to shock and a little bit of fear. The look on his face must be severe.

"Jack..." you trail off, "what are you doing here?" you ask.

"Emily texted me." he says, "I'm here to give you all a ride home." he says.

The man you've been talking to seems to think now is a good time to speak up.

"Hey, man, we're in the middle of talking," he argues.

"Not anymore," Jack says, grabbing your wrist and pulling you along with him as he turns to go.

"Jack," you start to argue as he sucessfully pulls you away from the man, deeper into the bar and looking for the other three.

"Not right now." he cuts you off harshly, not letting go of your wrist.

You trail behind him as he finds the other three, and goes to leave with the four of you trailing behind him like ducklings. You give Emily a severe look, pointedly looking down at your wrist caught in his grasp and back to her.

She looks a little guilty, but the look she shares with Jada afterwards tells you that they're enjoying this.

Jack unlocks hiis truck, opening the passenger door for you and then shutting it hard after you're seated.

As he climbs in the drivers side, he opens his phone and gives it to the backseat.

"Where am I going first?' he asks. Jada lives closest, so she types in her address and Jack pulls out of his parking space.

The car is silent, an unseen tension filling the air as he makes his way around the city dropping off your friends.

As Jack pulls up to his home, you scoff.

"What?" he asks in a monotone voice.

"Can you take me home, too? I thought that was where we were going." you ask snidely.

"No," he disagrees, "we're going to go in and we're going to talk." he tells you.

"Oh, are we?" you argue.

"Yeah," he says, getting out of the car and rounding to the other side, opening your door. "Come on," he urges.

You roll your eyes and clilmb out of the truck gingerly. Jack keeps a hand on yoour shouder like you're about to run away as you walk to his door.

As soon as his door is shut behind him, you lay into him.

"What the fuck was that?" you ask, not quite yelling but definitely close.

"I was trying to have a good time with my friends," you complain.

"Your friends? Your friends who were halfway across the bar while you flirted with some guy?" he spits.

"Oh, fuck off," you scoff.

"No, no tell me." he insists, "Tell me about how much fun you were having."

You roll your eyes again and turn away from him. He grabs your shoulders and angles you towards him. He's standing close enough that your head has to be tilted back to look at him.

He looks pissed. His eyes are wide, a red tinge covering his whole face and neck, and his intense look is focused soley on you.

"I told you," you start, measured, "that I was going out out of courtesy," you spit, "I can do what I want, and it was not okay for you to show up and ruin our night-" you're interrputed when Jack cuts you off.

"Ruin your night?" he repeats.

"Yeah, ruin our night!" now you really are yelling. "You show up, make us all go home, and for what? For what, Jack, so stake some kind of claim?" you yell. "You're not my boyfriend, Jack!" you yell.

Jack chuckles wryly, looking up at the ceiling for a moment.

"You know," he starts, crowding into your space again, grasping the tops of your arms. "I don't have to stake any claim," he tells you lowly. "I don't have to, because I already fucking did," he says, pressing you against the length of his body. "I didn't think I had to spell it out for you, but I will." he continues.

"You're mine," he says, and you open your mouth to argue, but he stops you before you can.

"And don't argue, okay? I'm telling you." he's all but whispering now, his face a few milimeters from yours as he speaks with an intensity that has your toes curling in your boots.

"You're mine," he repeats. "I'm not just around because of the baby, but it gives me a damn good excuse." he tells you. "Call me your boyfriend, or your baby daddy, I don't give a shit. You want to call me your fiance and I'll go get a ring right now," he growls. "But whatever you want to call it, you're all mine, and you need to get that through your head."

Despite being 100% sober, his words give you a floaty feeling in your heads as you struggle to put together a string of words, intoxicated by his presence.

"And I get no say in this?" you finally ask.

"I think," he starts, "that if you really wanted to put up a fight, that I wouldn't have even gotten you out of that bar, let alone into my house." he argues. "I think you just wanted to put up a fight and be a little brat."

You don't say anything, but look up into his eyes and keep your gaze locked there.

"Am I right?" he asks.

You roll your eyes and try to move away, only to be stopped by his renewed grasp on you, pulling you into him as he presses a kiss to your cheek.

"You wanna be mine, baby," he says into your cheek, "that's okay," he assures. He drags his lips down the side of your face and presses his lips to yours in a messy kiss.

His tongue plunges into your mouth annd tangles with yours, overpowering any attempt you make at turning the tides of the kiss. He wrenches his lips from yours and skims them down your neck, leaving licks and kisses and at least one bite, for good measure.

"Yeah, I do," you agree breathily as his mouth works on your collarbone.

"Yeah, you do," he parrots around your skin, "good girl," he sighs.

tagging: @michasia24 @veggieburgerwrites @bruher @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @catmomstyles3 @qardasngan @fuckalrighty @rae4725 @beebeechaos @thatssomebadhat89 @cari87 @livingdeadblondequeen @wowitsafemale @neonpurplestars89-blog

let me know if you want a tag!

[strangunddurm]

Ughhhh so cute!!

gym crush — jack abbot x fem!reader GYM CRUSH JACK ABBOT. because have you seen his ARMS? im DEAD

warnings: none? it's just cute and fluffy masterlist

There's always this guy whose gym schedule lines up with yours. He's older, maybe in his 40s, with salt-n-pepper hair, and forearms you've been dying to touch but settled with staring. For now.

He usually shows up around 2 or 3 PM on weekdays—prime quiet hours—which makes you wonder what kind of job lets him sneak away like that. He's too young to retire, but maybe he's an entrepreneur, or he's in a good position in his job that allows him to leave work whenever he wants.

You're staring again.

You have to physically pry your eyes off his arms when he does curls. You try to focus on your set, but it’s hard—his breathy exhales do something to you, and not in a helpful way.

You shouldn't be thinking this way. He might be married—though you don't see a wedding ring, or dating, or whatever, you shouldn't—

"Hey."

Oh shit.

You lift your head to see him standing near you. He doesn't have the friendliest face, that was the first thing you noticed, and now you're worried if maybe you've done something wrong, or he's there to tell you he caught you staring.

"You need some help with your set?"

Oh.

"I noticed you're not really in it today. Maybe a spot?"

Oh??

Does that mean he's noticed you before?

"S-sure!" You get into position, and he stands behind you, hands loose at his sides, eyes scanning your form. It's oddly intimate, maybe just because he's your gym crush.

He has calloused hands. You make a note. Especially when he taps your elbow, coaxing out one more rep with that low, steady voice. God, you imagine how this all would in the right context.

"That's it, atta girl." He gives you a high-five. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just—" You glance at him. "Work has been stressful."

"I get that." He nods. "I'm Jack."

You say your name. Hopefully correctly. And then he smiles, and heads back to his weights.

Jack has noticed you staring. Stealing glances. The way your eyes flick to him even when he’s on the far side of the gym, out of your line of sight. As if your brain has a compass, and he’s north.

He finds it flattering, really. And he can't hide it (well, maybe better than you), but he watches you too. He finds it adorable that you come in with a different gym set for every session, and your water bottle somehow always matches your outfit. Who owns that many water bottles? It baffles him. And entertains him. And somehow makes him like you more.

He likes your hair too. Sometimes it’s braided, sometimes it’s in a ponytail. Beyond that, he has no clue what the styles are called—he just knows they all suit you. Ridiculously well.

And today?

You’re wearing his favorite set.

Yes, sure, kind of creepy for a man who’s never spoken to you to have a favorite gym set. But that shade—God, that shade—brings out your eyes like nothing else. And on days like this, with that color hugging your body? How is he supposed to look away?

The day after he offers to spot you, Jack finds himself hoping you’ll show up again. What started as stolen glances has turned into quick smiles as you pass each other, protein shake cheers between sets, and casually trading spots like it's second nature.

You still don’t talk much—nothing too deep, anyway—but his presence makes the gym feel different. Like something to look forward to. Something that gets you out the door on even the laziest days.

Then a week passes.

No Jack.

You tell yourself maybe your rest days just aren’t lining up. But another day goes by. Then two. And now it’s been a full week, and the dread creeps in: maybe Jack’s found a new gym.

It sucks—but it happens.

You try to focus on your workout, but you’re hopelessly distracted. Every time someone walks in, your head turns, heart kicking up… only to sink again when it’s not him.

You sigh and settle under the barbell.

Creak.

The gym doors open.

You whip your head around—"Shit—"

Your form wobbles, balance gone. The bar slips, and the weight traps you beneath it.

"Um, a little help?!" you gasp, struggling under the bar.

A gym employee rushes over with another regular, both of them working quickly to lift the bar off you. The pain in your shoulder flares immediately, sharp and hot, and you try to breathe through it.

"I don't think you need an ambulance, but we're gonna get you to the ER just in case." A gym employee rushes over with another regular, both of them working quickly to lift the bar off you. The pain in your shoulder flares immediately, sharp and hot, and you try to breathe through it.

You nod mindlessly.

Greg—the gym employee, and Harry—the regular, are kind enough to help drive you to the ER. They left once it's your turn, and you're now sitting in an exam bay, waiting for a doctor.

The ER is freezing. Or maybe it's just the adrenaline fading. You're still in your workout gear, couldn't even grab your hoodie, and your arm in a temporary sling. The pain's dulled to a throb, but the embarrassment is still fresh.

"The doctor will see you soon."

You're not really listening, until you hear a familiar voice.

"Okay, so what do we have—oh."

You look up. "Jack?"

He freezes when he sees you, clipboard halfway raised. His salt-and-pepper hair’s a little messy, dark scrubs clinging to him like he’s been running all over the place. There’s a stethoscope slung around his neck.

A smile starts tugging at his mouth. "Hey."

"You're a doctor?"

"That topic never came up?"

You chuckle. "Not really, no."

Jack steps closer, eyes flicking to your sling as he gently helps you adjust it. "Wanna tell me how this happened?"

"I didn't have my usual spotter."

He half-smirks. "Sounds like an unreliable prick. But seriously, walk me through the accident, I skimmed your chart, but I need to hear it from you."

You look at your feet. "It's dumb."

"Try me."

You fiddle with the edge of the paper sheet under you. "I was going for a new PR on squats. And… I got distracted. Lost focus, lost balance, and the bar pinned me."

Jack studies you for a moment. "Distracted by what?"

You glance at him, then away again. "Does it really matter?"

"It does to me."

Your voice is quieter when you finally admit, "I thought it was you coming into the gym. I heard the door. And I looked up."

Jack’s brow softens, and then so does his smile. "You were looking for me?"

"Ugh, you were gone for a week, okay, and I miss—I got worried." You groan lightly, more embarrassed than hurt now. "Don't make a thing out of it."

He laughs, smoothing a stray hair behind your ear. "I absolutely will make a thing out of it."

Jack proceeds to examine your nasty bruise, and making sure you didn't hit your head too hard by telling you to touch his finger where he points it, but intentionally making you miss.

"Jack, I swear—"

"Just messing with you, sweetheart." He laughs again, and you think you might die. "You're good to go home, just take some aspirin if the headache is too much."

You get down from the bed accidentally bump into his chest. You can practically feel his breath on you.

"S—"

"For the record," he leans down, voice brushing your ear, "I missed you too."

Your breath hitches, eyes wide. He pulls back with a low chuckle, then presses a kiss to your cheek. "Get home safe, I'll text you later. Okay?" He murmurs.

"O-Okay." You try your best to speak.

"Oh, and no gym for at least a week!" He calls out as he walks away.

You’re still reeling as you head home, Jack’s jacket slung around your shoulders and your mind spinning from everything that just happened. That smile. That voice. That kiss. It all feels like a fever dream—until a sudden realization hits you.

Jack doesn’t have your number.

And you don’t have his.

You groan. Of course. You’re benched from the gym for a week and just when things were finally happening—

Ding.

Your phone lights up with a text from an unknown number.

Hey, it’s Jack. Got your number from your chart. Want to grab dinner tonight? :) Don't forget to take aspirin for your headache

You stare at the screen, grinning like a fool.

Okay. Maybe today wasn’t so bad after all.

[strangunddurm]

i can only imagine reader bringing in her chunky, ruddy cheeked baby with the softest freckles smattered across her rosy cheeks and big, round hazel eyes to the ER. her baby’s wispy auburn curls lightly fluttering as the reader bounces her in her arms to keep her calm in the noisy building. it’s shift change in the morning, so everyone from each shift is there. dana and samira notice the cute baby first, asking if she’s a patient and the reader brushes them off with a smile telling them that both she and her baby are fine and they’re just waiting for her boyfriend. and the look of shock on everyone’s faces when jack and his salt and pepper curls strolls over to the much younger woman and scoops the chubby baby that looks suspiciously like him up into his strong arms 💞💞

hi friend!!!!

omg i love love love this😭😭😭

Mohan notices them first, the young woman and her cute baby that looks almost familiar, and if she had to guess was around nine months old. They both seem content. Or at least she does, the baby is clinging onto her, eyes dropping as she fights off sleep.

Though they seem fine, she can’t help but be concerned.

“Dana?”

The blonde looks up at the doctor, “Yeah?”

“Have they been helped?” She points in their direction.

Dana’s brow furrows, glancing at the board then down at the charts just to be sure. No one matching their description is currently in a room.

“No, I don’t think so,” She glances back over at them, watching as the baby blinks sleepily in their direction.

Mohan nods at Dana before walking over, gently placing her hand on the woman's shoulder to not startle her.

You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel a hand on your shoulder, “Oh my goodness!”

“Oh my god!” You and the doctor that touched your arm jump at the same time.

You let out a light laugh when you look at her, “I’m sorry. You startled me,”

She nods, letting out a small laugh herself, “No, I’m sorry,” She shakes her head before smiling at you, “I just wanted to check on you, make sure you and your baby have been taken care of? Do you need a room to be examined?”

You quickly shake your head, “Oh! No, we’re waiting on my boyfriend. Are we in the way?”

Her brow furrows, and you bite your lip, wondering if you should have just waited in the car.

“No, of course you guys aren’t in the way,” She glances at the baby who has started fussing slightly and moving around a little more. “If you want, I can go find him for yo-“

Before she can finish, your daughter attempts to launch herself out of your arms.

“Hey, you,” Mohan looks up, eyes landing on Dr. Abbot, who, to her surprise, gently takes the baby from you during what is her second attempt at launching herself at him.

“Have you been good for mommy? Huh?” Again, she is taken aback by the night attendings familiarity with this child.

She’s left standing there awkwardly when he pulls you close and kisses your head. “You have an easy night?”

You laugh, shaking your head no, “She has another tooth coming in, so we’ve been up alllll night. Huh, baby?”

He smiles fondly as you answer him but talk to her.

Jack finally notices Samira, “Dr. Mohan, can I help you with something?”

Her eyes widen, and she quickly shakes her head no, “Oh! No, I just saw them standing here and wanted to make sure they didn’t need anything, is all,”

She glances between him and the baby, who she can now see is nearly identical to him, “So, you guys know each other?”

Your eyes widen slightly, a small laugh threatening to leave your mouth at the deadpan look on Jack’s face.

He looks at the baby, smiling at her, “Well, Dr. Mohan, what would your observation be?”

[strangunddurm]

scoliosis — michael "robby" robinavitch x fem!reader You have scoliosis and it's been killing your back all day. Robby notices and decides to help you out with it.

warnings: suggestive content, minors GO AWAY | reader has scoliosis - not bad, but def painful after hours of standing, running etc. masterlist a/n: anyone else got scoliosis? mine is killing me today || side note, I've been basically writing one fic a day for a week, my brain is on FIRE and I might take a break soon lol

Crack-ety-crack

You groan as you stretch your back. You only have 3 hours left on your shift, and though it will feel like eternity, you can't wait to get back to your bed and reset.

You’re perched slightly sideways in your chair, trying to avoid pressure on your elevated right hip. It’s second nature by now—awkward but necessary. The real exhaustion comes from always being aware of how you're sitting, how you're standing, how you're moving—if you don't want it to gradually get worse.

You sigh again, and Robby notices.

"You okay?"

"Yep," You enunciate the P. "Just charting, boss."

Robby finds your behavior—and posture—odd but keeps walking. You’ve stretched five times today by his count, and that’s unusual. He knows he needs to ask you about it, and he will.

A while later, he sees you dead-hanging on the break room's door frame. Someone—he doesn't know who—had installed it for their "gains" and now you're using it. With your scrubs riding up as your spine relaxes, showing your bare waist.

It’s not indecent. Not really. But the sight punches the air out of his lungs harder than he expects. Heat rises to his ears as he steps behind you, instinctively blocking the view from anyone else.

He clears his throat.

"Sorry!" You say, "Was just relaxing my back."

Robby’s frown is back. "What’s going on with your back?"

You shrug, casual. "Scoliosis. It flares up sometimes, so I stretch."

"I’ve never seen you stretch this much during a shift."

"Yeah, it’s worse today. No idea why." You wave him off like it’s nothing. "It’ll go away once I sleep."

"You taking anything for it?"

"Pssh, no." You grin. "I’ll be fine. Rest usually does the trick."

Robby doesn’t look convinced. "You wanna leave early?"

"No," You shake your head. "Seriously Robby, I'm okay."

With a tap on his arm, you're on your merry way to see your patients. Robby sighs, because he knows how stubborn you can be, and he's gonna have to force you to rest.

"Alright, Mr. Evans, you're all patched up and ready to be discharged." You smile at the older man and stand up, a groan following suit as you put a hand on your back.

"Hon, you might wanna check that back." Mr. Evans comments, "You sound older than me!"

You're about to argue back when someone cuts your line, "Tell me about it. Come with me." Robby motions and leaves, meaning you need to follow him fast.

"Robby—"

"Nuh-uh, get in here." He opens the door to the on-call room and you go in with a grumble.

"I'm fine, Robby."

"No, you're not." He says, locking the door behind him. "You're in pain, so let me help you."

"What are you—" Robby moves you so your back is turned towards him, and he gently places his hands on your shoulder.

He's giving you a massage.

"Rob—"

"It's gonna help with your pain." Robby says. "Now lean forward a little."

You do as he says, leaning your body weight on your arms while he makes his way down your back, his hands now on your lower back, under your scrubs. It's too intimate. You feel your cheeks getting hot. And it doesn't help that he's now so close to you, you can feel the heat radiating from his body.

Robby pauses for a second. "Is this okay?" he asks, voice lower now, closer to your ear.

You nod, quickly. "Yeah. Just… didn’t expect you to be this good at it."

He chuckles, the sound low and warm. "Let’s just say I’ve had practice. Not on coworkers, though."

You glance at him over your shoulder with a smirk. "Am I special, Dr. Robinavitch?"

He grins, his hands stilling briefly on your waist. "Yeah. You are."

You let out a shaky breath as he works you, and you can practically feel the smirk on Robby's face.

Robby chuckles. "That feel good?"

You hum, trying not to enjoy it too much.

You try to focus on anything but Robby’s hands—his clinical, practiced, totally professional hands—that you just realized are huge, and are currently pressed on your hip. But your body betrays you.

A soft, breathy sound slips out of your throat. It’s not loud, but it’s definitely a moan.

"That good, huh?"

"Robby, I swear—"

Robby chuckles, deep and smug. "I mean, I was hoping to make you feel better, so… I’ll take it as a win."

You try to twist around to glare at him, but his hands hold you steady. "Don’t move. You’ll undo all my good work."

"Cocky."

"Confident," he corrects. "And apparently very effective."

You let out a groan—not from the massage this time. "You are insufferable."

"And yet," he murmurs, dipping his thumbs just below the curve of your waist, "you’re letting me keep going."

You bite your lip. He notices. Oh, he definitely notices.

"Tell me if it hurts," he says, quieter now, closer to your neck. "Or if you want me to stop."

You don’t say a word.

And he doesn’t stop.

"Good girl."

[strangunddurm]

but i stayed anyway

dr. robby x f!fiance!reader content: 18+ mdni, canon medical incidents (mci), shooting, mental health discussions, suicidal ideation words: 9.8k synopsis: takes place over the course of episodes 12-15. reader is a clinical psychologist who used to work in the hospital, but no longer does and is engaged to robby. robby calls reader to let her know about the shooting and asks that she not come... and guess what our reader does (: (as this is following alongside the events of episodes 12 through 15, please note that i borrowed some dialogue directly from the episodes.) a/n: hiiii besties!!! this fic is proof that democracy works 🤪 thank you for voting in my poll! the family trauma fic is soon to follow (hopefully). i listened to renegade by big red machine a lot while writing this, which to me may be the most robby coded song of all time. but yeah that's where the title comes from, if you were interested. thank you guys so much for all the love you've shown my writing the last month, i think it's time to get a masterlist up. love you, enjoy your weekend, and as always feel free to blow my inbox up.

It was almost 6PM when you were on your drive home from work that day. You thought about calling your fiancé, Michael, but figured he’d be off shift in an hour anyway. You were trying, and failing, not to be overbearing.

When he told you he intended to go to work today, you had feigned indifference, but he knew you and he heard the worry in your voice.

“Please don’t psychoanalyze me.” He said as he kissed you goodbye.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You said, “You said you’re good to work today so you’re good to work today. Just, um, maybe we could check in around lunch—?”

“Stop.” He said, sighing, “We talked about this.”

“Yeah, okay.” You said quickly, anxious to get him out of the house so you could fret in peace, “I’ll see you later.”

Once he was gone, you got yourself ready for work and did your best not to think about it too much. Him working on the anniversary of Adamson’s death. You were, after all, a clinical psychologist and so it had been… difficult to turn off your clinical instincts when Robby had been suffering so obviously the last few years.

You had suggested a referral to many a colleague, which he politely refused each time. Insisting he was fine while day after day you watched him slip further and further into an abyss.

You had gone so far as to text Kiara, the hospital social worker, about your concerns a few months ago. Robby had been livid about that. Barely spoke to you for days after.

Your fingers itched to call her on your way into work, but you really didn’t want to start off the weekend fighting with Robby.

So you stayed away. You didn’t text or call to check in during the day. However, when Jake had texted you earlier today asking if you wanted to stop by the ER with him around lunch, you nearly gave in.

Sorry, kid, too wrapped up with work today. But make sure you give him a hug for me!

You locked your phone and put it down after that, but then a minute later couldn’t stop yourself from sending an extra text:

Also couldn’t hurt to ask him how he is.

After it was sent you rested your head on your arms and sighed.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Jake had texted you that he seemed busy, but overall fine. You knew though that Jake’s perception of fine did not match yours. Besides which, Robby would have put on a show for him, a happy face. He’d never let Jake see the crushing grief that was just behind his eyes, if only you knew where to find it. You didn’t hear anything else for the rest of the day.

So when there was still an hour of Robby’s shift left and a picture of the two of you lit up your screen to indicate an incoming call, your heart rate picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, honey, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be home late tonight. I’m not sure how late yet.”

“Oh.” You waited for him to provide more information, but he didn’t. “Is everything okay?”

He sighed, “I don’t know. There’s an active shooter at Pitt Fest.”

“Oh, God—“ Your breath caught when you remembered your conversation with Jake earlier, “Jake’s there—“

“Yeah, do you think you could try getting in touch with him? I’ve tried calling, but it won’t go through.”

“Yeah, yeah of course.”

“And if you don’t mind, maybe call Janey too?”

“Yes. Whatever you need.” He was quiet on the other line for a moment. You badly wanted to ask him if he was okay, but knew the answer and also knew it would only piss him off, so you waited in the silence.

“Please don’t come here,” He said finally, “I know you think you can help—“

“I can help,” You said quickly, “Kiara’s going to be slammed, I’ve worked in the hospital before, I can—“

“You don’t want to be here for this.” He said firmly. You heard someone call his name in the background, “I have to go. You’ll let me know if you hear from Jake?”

“Yeah, of course. I love—“ The line went dead before you could finish your sentence.

That was fine. Your brain was entering crisis mode anyway. You dialed Jake as you drove, about three times with no luck. Trying to keep your own anxiety in check, you called Janey and let her know what was going on and to call you or Robby if she heard from Jake.

Robby didn’t want you at the hospital, you knew that, but there was simply no way in hell you were just going to go home and twiddle your thumbs while you waited to hear from him or Jake. You were sure he knew that, too.

So, after thinking it over for a minute, you made a U turn and dialed Kiara.

As you were walking in to the ER, you ran into Jack Abbot and exhaled a sigh of relief.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” He teased, throwing an arm over your shoulders.

“Oh, thank God you’re here too.”

“What are you doing here? You’re back at the hospital?”

“No, no, I just thought Kiara could use a hand tonight.”

He hummed, “Which roughly translates to you wanted to keep an eye on Robby.”

You feigned outrage, “Come on, Jack, I thought you’d be on my side about this.”

“I am on your side,” He laughed as you walked through the waiting room, “Why do you think I’m here?”

The two of you walked into Robby giving a pep talk to the ER staff. His face betrayed nothing when he saw the two of you, but just from looking at him it was immensely clear to you that the day had weighed on him. And now he still had miles to go.

“Brother, am I glad to see you.” He said to Abbot, pulling him into a hug.

“You,” He said, turning to you, “I specifically asked you not to come here.”

“Kiara asked me to come, and besides,” You lowered your voice, “You’re not the boss of me.”

He sighed and ran a hand over his face, “Have you heard from Jake?”

“No, I’m still trying. So is Janey.”

He nodded and then without preamble pulled you into his chest, “Thank you for coming.”

You exhaled in relief and tightened your arms around his waist, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” You murmured, “I have to go find Kiara.”

He nodded and stepped away from you, immediately shifting back into leader mode. While you slipped away, you stopped at Dana’s side, gaping at her black eye.

“Oh my God, what the fuck happened to you?” You asked, hands coming up to her face.

“Oh, please, don’t start. I don’t have time.” She pulled you into a tight hug, “Glad you’re here though, regardless of what sad boy over there says, we could use all the help we can get.”

You smirked, “Sad boy?”

She waved you off, “Gen Z lingo, ask one of the med students.”

“Hey,” You grabbed her arm as she started to run off, “You’ll come get me if he seems… sadder than usual?”

She smiled, “Yeah, you got it.”

And then she was off and you disappeared into the chaos to find Kiara.

***

You had lost count of how many times you’d called Jake. You had talked to several family members, mostly just to ask them to be patient and be sure to upload any information about their missing family members.

But you had also had to inform a woman that her husband was dead. You had done this before, the hard thing, giving someone the worst news of their lives. It was a difficult balance to be empathetic enough that you didn’t come off cold and distant, but not so empathetic that you let it destroy you.

You still hadn’t mastered it. And the fact that no one could get in touch with Jake only made it worse. As soon as you could, you excused yourself to call him again.

It rang and rang and rang and when you reached his voicemail, you hung up, hands shaking.

It felt like hours before your phone went off with a text from Dana.

Jake’s here. He’s ok. Come find me.

The relief hit you so hard you felt yourself tearing up. Taking deep breaths, you headed back into the ER, looking for Dana.

You hadn’t been back here since everything started and the sight of all the patients, the blood on the floor, nearly made you sick. You stood there, frozen in place, listening to the crying and medical jargon being shouted and wondered, not for the first time, how the fuck Robby did this all day long. You knew from experience it wasn’t normally like this, but after only a couple of hours in the ER, you had always been anxious to leave it. You never understood how anyone could do a full 12 hour shift here.

“Good, there you are.” Dana said, coming to your side, “Jake’s good, he was shot in the leg, but they’ve stopped the bleeding he’s stable.”

“Oh, thank God. Has anyone called Janey?”

Dana nodded, “She’s on her way here. But, Leah, Jake’s girlfriend,” Dana sighed and shook her head, “It’s not good. Robby’s working on her.”

You nodded, “Okay, well, that’s encouraging. Robby’s the best chance she has.”

Dana nodded, “Yeah, I’m more so worried that she was a lost cause when she got in here and Robby’s been working on her for… Well, longer than he should be in a mass casualty. Anyone else and he would’ve called it minutes ago.”

You saw where she was going with this. Leah was dead. But Robby would kill himself to bring Leah back, to not have to tell Jake he couldn’t save her. And all of this was happening on the day Adamson had died.

“Also,” Dana added, “I don’t know the details, but him and Langdon had a falling out today. He sent the kid home.”

You frowned, “What d’you mean, Langdon’s right there?” You pointed behind her to Langdon who was working on a patient.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be shitting me.” She sighed, “Okay, well, don’t tell Robby you saw him. He’s gonna lose his shit when he sees him.”

You sighed and brought your hands together, “Okay. I’m going to go talk to Jake and then I’m gonna see what I can do about… Leah.”

“Thank you,” Dana said, “You’re an angel.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, it’s a long shot he’ll listen to me.”

“Have a little faith, yeah?” And then Dana disappeared.

Closing your eyes, you breathed slowly a few times, psyching yourself up to go find Jake, and then you forced yourself to move.

You found Jake alone, on a gurney in the hallway, phone in hand and tears still wet on his cheeks.

“Oh, Jake, baby,” He looked up at the sound of your voice and his arms opened to you immediately. You wrapped him up, holding him as tightly as you could.

“Leah was shot,” He cried.

“I know, I know, I heard.”

“Robby’s with her, do you know how she is?”

You shook your head, “I just got in here, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

“Could you stay with me? Just until my mom gets here?”

Oh, your heart was shattering in your chest with every second that passed. You closed your eyes for a second, “I have to go handle something, but I promise I will be right back, okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah, okay. And you’ll see about Leah?”

“Yeah, of course.” You squeezed his hand and kissed the top of his head and then you were moving again.

The level of carnage was absolutely stunning and in your head you had to keep repeating to yourself over and over Find Robby. Find Robby. Find Robby. In order to keep your head on straight.

And then you saw him, in front of the hub, perched on top of the gurney like a man tied to the pyre at the center of town. You wondered idly how long he had been performing compressions. Nurses surrounding the gurney, carrying out orders as he spewed them out. All of them had the same look on their face, like they were placating a child who could not quite seem to grasp that their dog had died.

“Fuck.” You muttered.

“Good, you’re here. Maybe he’ll listen to you.” Abbot appeared behind you.

“I don’t know that he will,” You swallowed, “He’s been pushing me away for weeks.” The intensity of the situation they were in, of seeing Jake, and now his girlfriend, dead beneath Robby’s hands brought tears to your eyes.

“You have to try.” Abbot said quietly, and then he buried himself back into the fray.

You blinked the tears away rapidly and then tentatively stepped towards the gurney. You looked down at Leah’s body, all the tubes coming out of her, the gaping wound in her chest, “Robby.” You said softly and looked up.

His eyes flicked to yours quickly, then back to Leah, “It’s Jake’s girlfriend.”

“I know.” He continued compressions and gave more orders out to the nurses that you didn’t quite understand, “How long has she been down?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I thought—I thought we had a pulse for a second.”

You nodded, “But her heart stopped a long time ago, didn’t it?”

His eyes flicked up to yours again and you saw the layers of pain there that had been ripped up, likely all day long. All culminating in this girl, this one girl he couldn’t save. That he would have never been able to save, even on a good day. And despite all the people he had already helped save today and the dozens he would save after, he would never let go of Leah.

He looked back down at Leah, “It’s Jake’s… She’s Jake’s…”

“I know, baby,” You said softly, “Have you tried everything?”

“We gave her so much blood… We transfused some of her own blood… But the bullet it… It tore through her heart…”

“That sounds like you did everything you could,” You said gently, and you felt your own tears aching at the back of your throat, “It sounds like you gave Leah the best chance you possibly could have. If this didn’t work then nothing would have.” He’s still doing compressions, grimacing as he does, “Why don’t we check her pulse one more time, okay?”

He looks up at you again, your eyes pleading for him to climb off the gurney, his eyes pleading with you not to make him give up on Leah. You lift a hand up to him, a silent offering: You don’t have to do it alone.

He looked back down at Leah for another moment and you saw him fighting with himself. And then he reached for you. His gloved, blood soaked hand wrapped around yours tightly and the weight on your chest lessened marginally.

“Sophie, could you take over compressions for a moment? Dana, do you have the doppler?”

“Yeah.”

“Has it been tested?”

“No.”

Robby let go of your hand and took the doppler from Dana, quickly checking it on his own wrist. “Ok, it’s working.” He said when the sound of his own pulse echoed. “Hold compressions.”

You held your breath when he held the doppler to Leah’s neck. The silence was deafening and you bit the inside of your cheek so hard you tasted blood. But you kept watching Robby, never looking away from him.

“Ok.” He said finally, and you heard the tears in his throat, “That’s it, we’re done.”

He put the doppler away and wrote the time of death on her wrist chart and pulled the blanket up and over her head. You reached out for his hand again, fully expecting him to push you away, but he took it, holding it like a lifeline.

“I can tell Jake.” You said softly.

“No,” He said, shaking his head, “It’s okay, I’ll do it.”

“Robby—“

He squeezed your hand once before dropping it, turning his attention elsewhere, “You should wash your hands.”

You looked down at your hands, and sure enough, they were covered in Leah’s blood from where Robby had held them.

“Thank you,” Dana said, coming up behind you, “I wasn’t sure he was ever going to stop.”

You inhale shakily, “Don’t thank me yet. He still has to tell Jake.”

You excuse yourself before she can reply, heading straight for the bathroom. The crying starts before you’ve even fully closed the door, and then when you see the bloody footprints and the blood in the sink, you only cry harder.

You thought about Jake, about how he had told you about Leah just a couple weeks ago. The two of you giggling while he showed you pictures of her, told you about the music she loved and the TV she watched. Now you're washing her blood down the sink.

You watch the pink water and suds flow from your hands down the drain and wait for your breathing to level.

After drying off your hands, you sniffle, and then steeling yourself you walk back into the ER— And straight into Kiara.

“Hey, I was looking for you. We got a couple more positive IDs in the morgue and the families are here.” She looks at you more closely, noting your red eyes and wet cheeks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just… Jake’s girlfriend just died, so.” You cleared your throat, “But I’m good, I’m ready.”

She gave you a knowing look, “You’re sure?”

You shrugged and looked around, “You can’t fully process an event like this until it’s over. The only way out is through and all that. So I’m good.”

Jake was waiting for you, you remembered, but you couldn’t face him right now. Couldn’t lie to him when you had watched Robby pull that blanket up over Leah’s head.

“Alright.” Kiara said, and the two of you began walking back to the cafeteria.

***

After helping Kiara with two family notifications, you excused yourself back to the ER, wanting to check on Robby and Jake.

Walking back into the chaos was just as upsetting the second time. You clenched your fists as you walked through, looking for Robby or Dana or Abbot. The first person your eyes found was Abbot, monitoring a patient and talking a resident through a procedure.

“Hey,” You said, walking up to him, “Have you seen Robby?”

He looked up from his patient and looked around, “Hey Dana?” He shouted, “You seen Robby?”

“No,” She called back, “I was just about to ask you the same.”

“Shit,” You murmured and started walking again.

“Y/N?” Dana called.

“Yeah, I’m on it.” You called as you passed her.

You opened every room, asked every doctor and nurse you passed, but no one had seen him.

Finally, you overheard someone mention that they were using the Peds room as a makeshift morgue and it clicked.

Robby didn’t talk to you much about the pandemic or about Adamson afterwards, but when he had been in it. When he came home on this day four years ago, he had been so distraught, so desperate, he had tried at first to talk about it. And you remembered how he explained to you that they put Adamson in Peds for lack of space. It had really stuck with him, for some reason, that Adamson had died in Peds.

If now the morgue was in Peds. And Leah was in the morgue. And Robby was the one who took her there. Well, it didn’t take a genius to figure out why no one could find Robby.

You walked quickly, occasionally stopping to ask for directions or to see if anyone had seen Robby. Langdon was the most helpful, saying he saw Robby go in the morgue with Jake and then Jake came out, but not Robby.

“Hey, what’s going on with the two of you today?” You asked.

“Me and Robby?” He looked around as if to see if anyone else was listening, “Why, what have you heard? Did he say something to you?”

You raised your eyebrows, “No, but Dana said he sent you home hours ago.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “It was a misunderstanding.”

You nod and then shrug, “Okay.”

“Are you analyzing me or something?”

You give a short laugh and then start backing away from him, “Are you paying me? I don’t analyze for free, Frank. I’m very expensive.”

You were hoping to get more from Langdon on what was going on. It was becoming more and more apparent that a lot of shit had happened today during Robby’s shift even before the shooting.

But, you didn’t have time for that, you supposed. You’d have to go in blind, trust your instincts, hope to God you don’t say the wrong thing to push him away.

And when you walk into Peds, you realize just how in over your head you are.

Robby’s on the ground, Star of David necklace clutched in his hand, eyes closed tight as he shakily murmured to himself in Hebrew.

You had never seen him pray before. He had struggled with his faith after the passing of his grandmother and ever since working in the ER. As long as you’d known him, his relationship with God had been tenuous or nonexistent.

So if he was praying right now, well, that scared the shit out of you.

You lowered yourself to the ground in front of him, not touching him or saying anything, just wanting him to know you were there.

After a few moments of you sitting in front of him, his breathing just starting to level and the tears slowing, you tried to find the right thing to say. Nothing you said, you knew, would fully be able to help him process whatever this was. Whatever had happened in here with him and Jake. That was for another time.

It went against everything you were taught as a clinician to push Robby back into the work when that was the reason he was on this floor, wrecked beyond recognition. But people were dying out there. And more would die if you couldn’t manage to pull him out of the riptide.

“I heard one of your interns just did a REBOA without supervision.” His eyes darted to yours at that, “I don’t know what that means, but everyone seems pretty pissed about it.”

“What is this?” He asked, voice gravelly.

“What?”

“You’re not going to ask if I’m okay or ask me how it makes me feel that Leah’s dead and Jake blames me?”

Ah. Well, that certainly explained the situation they were in. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Jake. The closest thing he had to a son, rejecting him in his lowest moment and reaffirming every untrue belief he held about himself.

You shook your head, “I think it’s pretty clear you’re not fucking okay. None of us are okay right now.” You glanced over your shoulder through the glass door, “I could give you the heartfelt pep talk if you want, about how I know you’re the best doctor in this whole damn hospital and how I know if you couldn’t save Leah no one could and how I know Jake loves you even if he’s angry and hurting. But I don’t think you’re in the space to receive that right now.”

His breathing was shaky and he fiddled with his necklace, not looking at you anymore. You weren’t sure if you were blowing it or not, but this was the best you could do right now without falling apart yourself.

“What I think you need to hear right now is that people are still dying out there. People who are loved, who have families, just like Leah did. And they need you.”

He shook his head, sobbing, “I can’t.”

Your eyes watered and you swiped a tear from your cheek hurriedly, frustrated at yourself for crying, “I know that’s how it feels. But I also know you’ll never forgive yourself if you leave your department out there to fend for themselves all night while you sit in here.” You sniffed, “And I’m really gonna need you to forgive yourself for this someday, Michael.”

At that, he did look up at you. The unspoken words in what you were saying. You loved this man with every beat of your heart. But you weren’t sure how much longer it could go on like this. You, desperately trying to throw him a life vest and him actively swimming further away from you.

He needed to want to get better and you weren’t sure how to make him want it, to see that this was unsustainable and destroying him. And he was pulling you down with him.

Eyes glittering with tears, you rose to your feet and reached a hand out to him for the second time that day.

He looked back down at the floor for a moment and your heart sank, but then you felt the brush of his fingers on your palm. You swallowed down a sob that threatened to choke you and gripped his hand, helping him off the floor.

Once he was at his full height, you brought your hands to either side of his face and gently pulled him to you, pressing kisses to his cheeks and forehead before resting your head to his.

His breathing wavered only slightly as he rested his own hands at the base of your neck.

“Okay?” You asked tentatively after you’d both been standing there like that for a few moments.

He swallowed and nodded, “Yeah.”

As you stepped away from him, your hand trailed down his arm until you were just holding his hand. You squeezed once and he squeezed back. You dropped his hand as you turned for the door and you felt his hand at the small of your back as the two of you left Peds.

Things seemed to be beginning to slow down now. You watched from a distance as Robby breezed by you, pulled off his bloody robe and encouraged his residents. As if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t been destroyed just moments ago. It was astounding to you, the way he could so quickly shift gears.

But then, as he was putting on a new robe, Gloria appeared. You stepped closer to the hub and watched the exchange anxiously. You almost turned and walked away as things seemed to be going okay, but then the conversation shifted to discussions of unscreened blood donors and a shooter with a hit list and then Robby exploded.

“Jesus Gloria!”

You were shoulder to shoulder with Abbot when he lost it and your breath caught, “Your turn.” You murmured to Jack and backed yourself into a chair next to Dana at the hub.

“Hey, get some air, brother.” Abbot said as soon as Robby was close enough, “Go check on triage.”

When he disappeared out the ambulance bay doors, you rested your head in your hands.

“Should we be worried about him?” Abbot asked as he walked around the hub.

“Yes,” You said, “Everyone should be very, very worried about him.”

“Awesome,” Jack sighed and went back to see more patients.

You kept an eye on the ambulance bay, tears still constantly threatened to spill over. You wanted to go home, but not if Robby didn’t come with you.

“It’s slowing down, right?” You asked Dana, eyes shining as she turned to you.

She gave you a sad smile and squeezed your shoulder, “Yeah, kid. It’ll be over soon.”

***

You had sat with Jake after that until Janey came. You had squished yourself into his non-injured side and rested your head on top of his.

“You know Robby would’ve traded his life for Leah’s in a second if he could have. He would’ve done anything to not see you hurt like this.” You said gently.

Jake had sat there quietly so you had decided not to push. The two of you sat in silence for a while.

You watched Robby whenever he passed by and almost without fail, his eyes fell to Jake whenever he passed. You had heard there was a measles case in the ER. Not contagious, but it was something Robby had said to you months ago he feared the most. That this anti vaccination trend was going to boil over and sooner or later, diseases like the measles that had largely been eradicated, would return. You couldn’t believe this was happening today of all days.

When Janey got to Jake, you reluctantly left him.

“Oh, please, don’t leave on my account,” Janey said smiling, “I really appreciate you staying with him.”

“Please, it’s my pleasure,” You squeezed Jake’s hand again before climbing off his gurney, “But I really have to go find Robby and see if I can drag him home. He might collapse soon if he doesn’t get out of here.” You turned back to Jake, “You’ll text me if you need anything, right? I mean anything.”

He shrugged, “Sure, whatever.”

You knew he was acting this way probably because he saw you as an extension of Robby. And it sucked. You loved Jake. Had loved him for years now, since he was just a little kid. It would pass, you told yourself. It had to.

“Janey,” You pulled her off a little away from Jake, “This is not unsolicited advice, just an offer from a friend: I would be happy to refer him to a colleague if at any point you think he needs to talk to someone.”

Janey gave you a watery smile, “Thank you.”

“You have my number?” She nods, “Okay. Well, please, if either of you need anything, Robby and I are just a call away.”

Janey nodded, “And also not unsolicited advice, just the observation of a friend, but I’m worried about Robby. You’ll make sure he’s alright, right?”

You looked down at your hands, at the ring on your finger, then looked back up at Janey, “Right now I can’t see past the next hour or so, but I am trying my damnedest to keep him above water.”

Janey nodded and squeezed your hand before you headed back towards the hub. As you were heading there, though, you thought you heard Robby’s voice yelling coming from the elevators.

You locked eyes with Dana, and frowning, slowly turned towards the direction of the yelling. You walked down a hallway to find Robby in a heated discussion with Dr. Shen, but when his eyes landed on you he disengaged.

“While I am glad that you are… functioning again,” You said quietly, “If you keep screaming at people, I’m gonna need to forcibly bring you home.”

He had a hand on your shoulder as he steered you through the ER, “You should go home,” He said, “Nothing else for you to do here, Kiara doesn’t need you anymore, I’ll be home in a couple of hours.”

“No,” You said immediately, “No, I’m sorry, I’m not leaving here without you. If you want me to leave, you’ll have to come with me.”

He sighed, “I wish you wouldn’t make this so difficult.”

You bit your lip to stop it from wobbling, “And I wish you’d stop pushing me away.”

He stares at you for a few moments, opening his mouth as if to argue when there’s a commotion at the hub that has you both turning.

“Is that… Is McKay…?” You start, but Robby’s already walking. You follow, but keep your distance, listening as he puts the cops in their place.

The pride flared in your chest, as it always does. This is the man you fell in love with, the one who stood up for what he believed in, for his students and staff, regardless of the cost.

When it’s done and they let McKay go, Gloria is back. You watch with some tension as Robby reports the status of all the mass casualty patients. But there’s no further incident and Robby walks past you on his way to another patient, “Go home.” He whispers as he walks by.

You tried not to let it hurt, how he seemed to be desperate for you to go away. But after the way the last few hours had unfolded, it was getting difficult. You parked yourself at the hub, trying to contain your sniffling as you again looked at the ring on your finger.

He was having an astronomically hard day, you knew. But had the two of you not made a great team? Weren’t you the only one who could get through to him when everything around him seemed to be crumbling?

“Hey, kid,” Dana said softly and pushed a cup of coffee your way, “You doing okay?”

You tried to smile, but nearly broke, “Fine, I’ll be fine. And you?”

She gave a short laugh, “I’ve seen better days.”

You sipped the coffee Dana had given you, “I hear that.”

***

You tried not to seem too eager the next time you saw Robby at the hub. He tells Dana that he’s stepping outside with a sandwich and a juice box, and then you feel his shadow above you, and look up, “Dana says you look like you’re experiencing an existential crisis.”

You nod, “Probably a normal reaction to what we’ve all experienced here tonight. Unlike some people in this place I don’t see experiencing the normal range of human emotions as a character flaw.”

He nodded slowly, “Is there anything I can say to get you out of here?”

You almost laughed, “Can I ask you a question? Is the insistence on getting me out of here out of concern for my emotional well being or is it just because you know I’m the only person here who can truly help you and you don’t think you deserve help?”

“And if it’s both?” He locked his red rimmed eyes with yours and gave you a sad smile.

A rare bit of honesty and it floored you. You reached for his hand, “Robby—“

“I need some air and to eat,” He said backing away, “We’ll leave soon, I promise.”

You watched him disappear into the ambulance bay, having to physically restrain yourself from following. But then, you watched Langdon follow after him.

“Oh, no.” You sighed. You debated with yourself for about thirty seconds whether or not to follow, “Fuck it.” You muttered to yourself and then followed them outside.

“—I was never high, I was just treating my own withdrawal symptoms—“

“Which you should’ve done under the care and supervision of a physician.”

Oh, fuck. You stopped walking just past the ambulance bay doors, unsure if maybe you should go back inside.

“You could’ve come to me, but instead now you could face felony charges for stealing controlled substances from a hospital.”

Holy shit. You had thought the whole thing with Langdon earlier today must’ve been related to patient care or maybe the new residents or med students. But this was much, much more than a disagreement about care or teaching methods.

“You need help.”

“What about you, man? I’m not the only one fucked up here! Look in the mirror!”

You squeezed your eyes shut. Perhaps you should go back inside. This was only going to get worse.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You heard the edge in Robby’s voice. The frustration, the exhaustion, the disappointment. He was practically begging Frank to say the quiet part out loud so he’d have an excuse to explode.

“I never had a complete meltdown.”

“No, you just cause them in other people.”

This was past the point of being a productive conversation, but you knew if you intervened you’d probably just make it worse.

“You’re blaming me for what happened to you?”

“What happened to me? What happened to me?! Oh, you are so full of shit. You let me down! You let everybody down! Especially yourself.”

Robby turned to walk back inside and you started to as well, but then Frank spoke again.

“Somebody saw you in Peds.”

Robby stopped cold. You couldn’t watch this anymore. You moved to go grab Robby, wanting to drag him inside, but he was already walking back to Frank, “Who? Y/N?”

You looked down at your shoes and tried not to feel betrayal. That he thought you would tell anyone about how you had found him, in his most vulnerable state.

“No, a night shift nurse saw you on the floor. Said it looked like—“

“Looked like what? LOOKED LIKE WHAT?!” You flinched and blew out a slow breath between your lips. “This job will fuck you up if you let it. You let it.”

Robby started walking again, still not having seen you.

“Yeah, I wasn’t the one talking to cartoon animals in Peds.”

“FUCK. YOU.” Robby shouted as he kept walking back towards the ER.

When he laid eyes on you, he almost stopped in his tracks. He shook his head and sighed, walking past you, “This is exactly why you shouldn’t be here.” He said as you followed him inside, “You shouldn't have heard that.”

“He is desperate,” You said quickly, a long shot attempt at damage control, “And experiencing withdrawal, I know you know what that does to people. He didn’t mean any of that.”

“You doing okay, man?” Abbot asked as the two of you approached the hub.

“Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you did take the parent of a patient into our makeshift morgue, never mind that it’s technically a fucking crime scene. That’s just not cool, man.”

Robby didn’t deny this, and you slowly turned to him, horror clear on your face, “Okay, you are done with patients today. Do you hear me?” He wouldn’t look at you, pretending to be very focused the chart in front of him, “Robby.” You said sharply.

Finally he looked up at you. “I know,” He said softly, “You’re right. I’m done.”

Just then Gloria came down, talking about getting Robby and Abbot in front of a press conference. It was absolutely inconceivable to you that after what had happened here today Gloria had the fucking audacity to ask for more from her doctors, but Robby must’ve sensed you were about to tell her as much because he gently put an arm in front of you and pushed you behind him.

“Trust me, Gloria, you don’t want me speaking to the press right now.”

“Or ever.” Abbot added.

After Gloria’s little speech about ER cowboy nonsense, Ellis shouted some sort of medical jargon about a patient that had both Robby and Abbot’s head shooting up.

“What the fuck?” Abbot murmured, exasperated.

To your dismay, Robby began following him, “Robby!” You called after him, “No more patients!”

“Yeah,” He called back, “I’ll just be a second.” And he disappeared behind the trauma room door.

“Unbelievable.” You sighed and watched Robby anxiously from the hub, biting at your cuticles anxiously.

A few minutes later, he came back out and started talking to Dana as he stood next to you. As he did so, he pulled your hand from your mouth to stop you from biting, holding your hand within both of his.

“Could you please find the remaining day shift so I can do a quick debrief and we can all go home?”

Dana nodded and was off and then Robby sighed heavily. Feeling brave now that he had grabbed your hand on his own, you stood in front of him.

“Hey,” You said softly, “Come here.”

To your surprise, he allowed your touch, in fact, he buried his face in your shoulder of his own volition. You lightly scratched the back of his head and turned your head inward just slightly so you could press kisses to his skin, “Everything’s going to be okay.” You said softly.

He nodded into your shoulder before gently pulling away from you and rubbing a hand over his face.

The day shift had gathered and he released your hand to walk around the front and give the debrief.

The speech was hard to listen to, the emotion in Robby’s voice unmistakable.

“None of us are gonna forget today.” He voice faltered and he rubbed at the tears in his eyes, “even if we really really want to. So, go home. Let yourselves cry. You’ll feel better. It’s just… Grief… Leaving the body.”

You swiped at your own tears as Robby finished and headed off. You immediately walked after him, following him to the memorial wall where Adamson’s portrait was.

You slowed your walk as you approached him, “He would’ve been so proud of everything you did here today.” You said softly.

Robby sniffed and nodded, “I wish he had been here.”

You nodded, “He would’ve made the same decision you did, you know? To take him off the ECMO.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, maybe.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek, “If it had been you, instead… And it was one of your students who extubated. Would you have wanted them to blame themselves like this?”

He sighed heavily, screwing his eyes shut tight.

“If it had been Heather, or Samira, …or Frank? What would you tell them?” He didn’t answer the question, which was fine. It was rhetorical, you both knew what he would say. It would sound a lot like what he had just told them all after this shift from hell. You nudged your shoulder with his, “It’s time you start showing yourself that same grace, hm?” You said gently.

He nodded and then turned to look at you. The grief had settled into his face. He had had these sad, weary eyes the entire night. “Thank you for coming today.” He said, “I know I don’t say it enough, that I push you away when I need you most—“

“It’s okay,” You said softly, “We don’t have to do this now. Not until you’ve slept and eaten. Okay?”

He nodded, blinking away the tears. He looked back towards central, “I just want to check in on Jake and then we can go.”

“Okay,” You intertwined your fingers with his, “I’ll come with you.”

The two of you walk back in to central and head towards North Three, where Jake is with Janey. As you get closer, you let go of his hand, standing just behind him as he looked at Janey and Jake, “How are we doing?”

“We’re doing okay,” Janey said and turned to Jake, “Right?”

Jake didn’t say anything and so Robby went on, “I know that this is difficult. This is gonna hurt for a long time and it’s okay if you wanna blame me. Just, please don’t blame yourself. We’ve been friends for a long time, I would hate it—“

“No we’re not friends,” Jake spat, “And you’re not my father so fuck off.”

Robby stood there frozen. You couldn’t see his face, but you could only imagine the devastation he felt even if he wasn’t showing it on his face. Your hands itched to reach for his so you clasped them in front of you instead.

“Jake.” Janey admonished, but Robby was already walking away.

“Robby,” It was Donnie now stopped him as he was walking away, “Parents of Jake’s girlfriend, Leah, are here. I put them in the viewing room.”

Robby nodded and affectionately patted Donnie on the shoulder.

“Wait, Robby,” You walked quickly to catch up to him, “I’m going with you.”

“No,” He said quickly.

“I wasn’t asking.”

He stopped and turned back to you, “You don’t work here anymore, the fact that you even helped Kiara today I know I’m gonna get shit about from Gloria—“

“Screw Gloria!” You hissed, “I mean, since when do you give a fuck what she thinks anyway? I can help.”

He sighed, “Don’t fight me on this.” He said finally, “You won’t win.”

And then he turned on his heel and left. Christ, he was so fucking frustrating today.

“Um, Dr. Y/L/N?”

You turned at the unfamiliar voice who was addressing you with such formality. She was a tiny brunette, her hair tied back in a short ponytail, and ice blue eyes.

“Y/F/N is fine.” You said, perplexed that someone you didn’t know was addressing you as Doctor. You hadn’t worked at the hospital in so long, most of the people here now simply knew you as Robby’s fiancée and either forgot or didn’t know about your PhD.

“Sorry to bother you, I’m Dr. Trinity Santos. I’m one of Dr. Robby’s new residents. I heard you used to work here? Do psych consults in the ED?”

You nodded, “Yeah, not just here, every floor. But because of the nature of the ER I was here pretty frequently. What can I do for you, Dr. Santos?”

“I have an overdose who came in from Pitt Fest and I’ve confirmed it was a suicide attempt… It’ll likely be days before he gets up to psych. I was just wondering if maybe you could have a conversation with him? Maybe point him in the direction of resources outside of the hospital?”

“Um,” You looked towards the door Robby had just left through, then back to Trinity, “Yeah. Of course. Lead the way.”

***

You sighed as you walked out of the patient’s room with Dr. Santos, “That was a really good catch on your part,” You said to her, “He seemed like a really tough egg to crack, but you got through to him. Really excellent work for an intern, Dr. Santos. Keep it up.”

She beamed at you, “Thank you. And thank you for talking to him, I really think it’ll make a difference.”

“Anytime,” You said and then turned to head back towards the viewing room.

Seeing that patient with Dr. Santos reminded you of what you missed about working at the hospital. You loved collaborating with other clinicians and physicians on a case, the team work and multiple perspectives it brought. Now, you mostly worked on your own for any given case, unless you really needed advice. But the work was more solitary now, which could be quite isolating.

As awful as tonight had been, you realized you really missed being apart of a team.

“Hey, Abbot,” You called to Jack as you got to the hub, “Have you seen Robby? He was notifying Leah’s parents, but then someone grabbed me for a consult and now I don’t see him anywhere.”

“Consult?” He tugged on the stethoscope around his neck, “I thought you don’t work here anymore?”

You tilted your head a bit, “What’re you gonna do, tell Gloria on me?” He gave a short laugh, “Seriously though, Robby?”

He sighed, “I haven’t seen him since the debrief.”

“Okay,” You tried not to panic, but you knew he must be in bad shape. But he wouldn’t go home without you, “Is there a place he goes when he’s upset? Do you think he’s just getting some air out in the ambulance bay or—“

“The roof.” Abbot said.

“Excuse me?”

Abbot scratched the back of his head, “The roof, we go to the roof sometimes to… contemplate.”

You stared at him for a moment and then scoffed, “You ER physicians and your suicidal ideation,” You pushed off the hub and started backing away, “I have half a mind to get you all admitted to psych on 72 hour holds.”

Jack laughed, “Yeah, good luck finding the beds.”

You took a brisk pace heading up to the roof and by the time you got there, you were out of breath. Stepping out into the Pittsburgh night air, you took a deep breath. Everything was going to be okay. The sun would rise again tomorrow. The world would keep spinning. Life would go on.

Your eyes fell to Robby, standing over the railing and far too close to the edge of the building.

And you would get Robby off this roof, safely.

You approached the railing slowly and quietly, but he heard you, his head turned slowly in your direction before he turned back to the skyline, “You shouldn’t be up here.”

“Neither should you,” You leaned on the railing, “Abbot implied you come up here a lot, though.”

He shrugged, “Maybe I just like the view.” He said, but he sniffled.

You hummed, “It is quite lovely up here.”

You swung your leg over the railing and Robby swore as he grabbed you, making sure to stabilize you before your feet got their bearings. When it seemed like you weren’t going to go flying over the edge, he released you.

“It’s you and Jake.” He murmured after the two of you had stood silently for a few moments.

You frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Every time I come up here,” He rubbed at his eyes, “I think about it. Just taking that extra step over the ledge. But I never do, because I think about leaving you and Jake and I can’t do that. But now, Jake...” He shook his head and scratched the back of his head.

“Jake loves you,” You said, “He just needs time. And you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

He shook his head, “And how long until I fuck that up for good, too?”

You inhale deeply, “You know, self fulfilling prophecies are a real thing. So if you convince yourself that you’re going to lose me, chances are you’ll continue to behave in ways that’ll make you lose me.”

He turned to look at you, “I really don’t like when you use your clinical brain to describe our relationship.”

“Sorry. It’s a defense mechanism. Knowing what’s happening and why makes me feel like I can fix it.” You sighed, “You know you can’t keep going like this, right?”

He nodded, tears tracing paths down his cheeks, “I shut down. The moment everybody needed me the most I couldn’t do it. I choked.”

You frowned, “That’s not how I remember it.”

“You know damn well I broke.”

“You didn’t break. You fell apart for a couple minutes, so fucking what? Any other feeling person in your position would have done the same. It’s a strength, not a weakness.” He was shaking his head, “106 people get to go home because of your leadership. I think that more than outweighs the two minutes you took to cry.”

You climbed over the railing and held out a hand to him, “Now I’d like to go home, if you have no further objections.”

You watched his shoulders heave shakily for a few moments before he finally turned and grabbed your hand.

***

Walking through the threshold of the home you shared with Robby nearly made you fall to your knees after the last several hours in the hospital. It was messy, neither of you had had a chance to clean in a while. Unopened mail piled on the console table. Books strewn haphazardly around the living room. A half done crocheting project you had started a week ago was abandoned on the couch. Robby’s toolbox sat, opened by the door to the guest room that he had attempted to replace the doorknob on, but never finished. The dishwasher was full and clean, needing to be emptied and reloaded with the dirty dishes that sat in the sink.

Regardless of the mess, you felt the tension start to ebb out of your body as the warm lights lit up a path to the living room. Unceremoniously, you threw some books and a stray remote out of the way before turning to Robby and forcing him to sit on the couch,

“I’m going to run you a bath,” You said, “Think about what you want to order for takeout?”

“I’m not hungry.” He said, and then reached for you, pulling you straight on top of him.

You chuckled, “Let me go run the bath for you, please?”

He wrapped his arms tightly around you, securing you to his chest, and he kissed your hair, “Just stay with me for a few minutes?”

The smell of him and the feel of his arms around you were more than a bit enticing, unfortunately. You sank into him, pressing your nose into his neck, “Fine. But only a few minutes.”

The rhythm of his breathing, of his heart beat against your skin, lulled you into that place just between waking and dreaming. You hummed, “If I don’t get up now, I’m gonna fall asleep.”

“Would that be so bad?” His voice was thick with exhaustion.

You yawned, “Yes, actually. Your back will be absolutely fucked tomorrow if you fall asleep on this couch.”

You pushed yourself off him and he rubbed his hands over his face. After starting the bath, you went to the fridge and pulled out a container of left over pasta. Grabbing a fork, you took the cold pasta back to the couch and took a bite. You speared a few more noodles and put it in front of Robby’s mouth.

He looked up at you with annoyance, “I said I wasn’t hungry.”

“Just a couple bites, please.”

He sighed heavily, but opened his mouth and watched as you grinned with satisfaction as you fed him the cold pasta.

A few minutes later you put the pasta away and checked on the bath, which was now full. Turning off the water, you headed back to the living room. Robby was still lying on the couch, eyes red rimmed as he stared at the ceiling.

“Come on, baby,” You said softly, holding out your hand, “Bath’s ready.”

He wordlessly took your hand, allowed you to lead him into the bathroom. He watched you carefully as you helped him take off his clothes. “Are you okay?” He asked, softly enough that you weren’t sure you heard him correctly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said quickly, but he stilled you by gently grabbing your wrists.

“Look at me,” Your eyes flicked up to his, “Are you okay?” He asked again.

You blinked rapidly to dispel the burning that was quickly accumulating at the back of your eyes, “I’ll be fine.” You said slowly and nodded your head towards the bath, “Get in, please, before it gets cold.”

He let your non answer pass for the moment, but you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. As much as your persistence on his own well being irritated him, he could be the same way when you were clearly unwell and not being honest about it.

“Get in with me.” He said, already tugging at your clothes.

You sighed, “This is for you, I’m trying to take care of you.”

“Yes,” He smiled tightly, unbuttoning your pants and gently tugging down, “And I want you in the bath with me. Okay?”

You could feel your eyes beginning to water, which is exactly what you didn’t want. You wanted, needed, desperately to focus on the act of taking care of Michael so that you wouldn’t fall apart. And now he was shifting the focus.

He lowered himself in first and then held out a hand for you, helping as you lowered yourself in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around your waist and gently pulled until your back was flush to his chest.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he kissed the side of your neck, “Thank you,” He murmured against your skin, “For not giving up on me today even though I was a bit of a jerk to you.”

“I know you don’t mean it,” You said, “Most of the time when you push me away it’s because you think you don’t deserve the help, not because you don’t want it.”

You both listened to the drip of the faucet for a few moments in silence before he spoke, “I think I’d like to start seeing a therapist.” He said slowly, “If you know a guy.”

The corners of your lips inched up just slightly, “I’ve had a whole roster ready for you for about two years now, take your pick. I’ll print out a list tomorrow.”

He hummed, “I don’t want to lose you,” He said slowly, “And I know if you were anyone else, you likely would’ve been out that door years ago. So, I’m…” He takes a deep, shuddering breath and you place a hand on his thigh beneath the water, squeezing encouragingly, “I’m going to get better. I’m going to be the man you deserve.”

You were encouraged by him finally admitting that something was wrong. He had never done that before. He had never asked you for a referral. But you knew it was still a long road. Things would continue to be very difficult going forward. But if he was willing to try and fight for you, for himself, that was enough for right now.

“I love you,” You said softly, “And I’m going to hold you to this, just so you know.”

“I know,” He pressed his mouth to your shoulder, his beard scratching at your skin, “I love you too.”

“I want to come back to the hospital,” You said after the two of you had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

You felt him inhale heavily behind you, “I don’t need a babysitter—“

“Not because of you,” You said quickly, “Though I won’t act like it wouldn’t ease my own anxiety being nearby while we’re working. But I… miss being on a care team, the collaboration. I realized today how isolating it is working at a clinic.”

“Well,” He sighed, “I miss working with you, too, actually. The other psychologists don’t laugh at my jokes.”

You huffed a laugh through your nose, “Hate to tell you, Robinavitch, but most of the time I was laughing at your jokes it was because I had a massive crush on you, not because I found them funny.”

You felt his chest rumble with laughter behind you and your heart swelled with the sound.

Later, when the two of you finally climbed into bed, he pulled you to him, your foreheads bent together. Your hand rested gently on his cheek.

You both sat in the dark like that for a while, silently mulling over the events of the day. You couldn’t get the feeling of Leah’s blood on your hands out of your head. The look on Robby’s face when he had finally called time of death. The families you had had to tell that their child, sibling, spouse was dead.

You don’t know which of you started crying first, just that once it started, one of you clawed for the other, pulling each other as close as your bodies would allow. Without any words exchanged between you, you both just held onto each other as wave after wave of grief rolled through. Until eventually, the tears dried and sleep came for them, still wrapped up in one another’s arms.

The moon and the stars faded and the sun rose again.

[strangunddurm]

black coffee, no sugar (ja)

summary: when your son wants a slightly more expensive birthday present, you pull a double to earn the extra cash, but you're stuck working with his dad too.

pairing: jack abbot x fem!reader

word count: 4.8k

warnings: age gap (reader - 30s/jack - late 40s), the reader wears glasses but there are no other descriptions of how the reader looks, exes-ish (there's feelings there somewhere but not spoken about), boy dad!jack, co-parenting, jack being soft for the reader in his own little way, probably incorrect medical jargon because i make people feel better with food for a living - i am not a doctor/nurse, mentions of patient loss and off page death, one mention of a past sexual encounter between the reader and jack, food poisoning (sorry shen), like one joke about jack being older, not sure if that's everything but let me know

a/n: i had an idea and i tried my best to write it....but hey, look, my first abbot fic. i was hooked from the minute he said 'don't worry, you'll get there soon enough,' to mel. i don't like the ending but honestly didn't know how i wanted this to end. do we want more of these two??? feedback is always appreciated

6:28 PM

Heather stretches her arms, fingers wiggling as she unfurls her hands. “I can't wait to get home to my bed,” she says, and the sentiment is shared by the few nurses around you. You, however, had your head resting on your arm, trying your best to beat off the impending fatigue, a patient’s record - Mr Hernandez - up on the screen, waiting to be completed. “What about you?” She looks down, sharing the same tired expression.

“I wish,” you sit up, shoulders rolling back, “Shen's still out with food poisoning.” Bad sushi. You and Jack had laughed about it until your sides had hurt, you bent over, tucked into the warmth of his side, your couch becoming Jack's temporary bed for a quick nap, after swinging by that morning to see Auggie.

“You're pulling a double?” Her voice pulls you away from the warm memory, your body growing quickly cold as the sounds of heart monitors, the distant carnage of the overcrowded waiting room, and the chaos happening in Trauma 1 pounds your ears.

“I need the hours,” you mumble, inputting Mr Hernandez's last check up results. You tuck your fingers under your glasses and rub your eyes. A quick nap in an on-call room would be enough to get you through the night shift. And maybe a cup of coffee, or three. “Auggie’s already been with my mom all day, so she’s gonna take him tonight. It’s all sorted.”

Her arms fold. “And you're sure you want to work with Abbot?”

“You make it sound like we can't play nice.”

Trinity pops up beside Heather, appearing seemingly out of nowhere, making you both jump. “Wait,” she looks down at you, “the nurses were telling the truth about you and Doctor Abbot?”

Princess, Donnie and a young blonde named Anna all dart in different directions, not wanting to be on the receiving end of your hard stare. It was just as good as Jack's. Anna turns to her computer, pretending to read a chart. Princess had ducked behind a curtain, checking in on a patient. And Donnie made a break from the staff room. You shake your head, turning your lips up into a partial smile.

“So?” Trinity was still waiting for an answer. Her smile can only be described as wicked. “What's the story? Messy breakup? Did one of you cheat?”

“Dr Santos!” Heather clears her throat.

“Oh, come on,” Trinity sighs, slapping her hands down on the top. Heather glares hard at her and she turns and walks away, grumbling something under her breath.

“You got that mom stare down perfectly, by the way,” you log off and groan as you unfold from the chair, swearing you could hear at least three different joints cracking as you stretch.

She sighs. “Just missing the important thing.”

“You can have Auggie.”

“He's a good kid, but no thanks,” she shakes her head, turning with you as you take a steady walk through the Pitt, “it's like being around a miniature Abbot but pumped with aquarium facts.” You snort, but she was right. Loose, dark curls. The same eyes, hidden behind red framed glasses. Grumpy in the morning, chaos at night. Two perfect sides of the same coin. “But, seriously, you know he'll try to make you go home, don’t you?”

“Of course, I do,” you throw her a knowing smile and she rolls her eyes, “and it’ll be fun to tell him no.”

7:45 PM

A-U-G-G-I-E. You trace your thumb over each individual bead, the black lettering a little chipped from constantly wearing it. It was an amalgamation of reds and blues; for Spiderman, your five year old had mumbled, when you asked what colours he was going to use to make it.

“Mommy, are you listening?” Auggie's voice pulls you back to reality.

“Of course, bud.” You swap your phone between your hands, pressing it to your left ear. “Grandma took you to the aquarium, yeah?”

“Yep!” He pops the p. “The crabs were my favourite; they had a king crab, a snow crab, and spider crabs…” His words become a jumbled mess as he excitedly lists off each species of crab, probably remembering them all in less than five minutes, making sure he and your mom didn't move on to the next thing until he knew them all.

“The crabs were your favourite? Not the jellyfish?” He'd been bombarding you with jellyfish facts that morning before your mom came to pick him up.

“They were cool but they weren't as cool as the crabs,” Auggie mumbles, voice muffled like he had just put something in his mouth. Probably his thumb. He always chewed on it when he was getting tired. “Grandma got me a new book,” he tells you, “it's all about sharks!”

“Mom?” You sigh, dropping your head into your hand. This kid had everyone wrapped around his little finger. If it wasn't your mom buying him a gift every weekend they spent together, it was Dana sneaking him sweet treats, Robby giving him piggyback rides around the Pitt, or Jack agreeing that he could have a puppy.

“What?” Your mom dismisses you. “I can't say no to this gorgeous face!” Auggie giggles. “It's one of his birthday presents.”

“One?” You ask, arching your eyebrows. “How many are you buying him?”

“As many as the kid wants.”

“Well, there goes my inheritance,” you joke.

Auggie yarns down the phone. “When are you coming home, Mommy?”

A spear of guilt lodges itself beside your heart. There was still time. You could go home, not get yourself involved in any more cases, leave the next twelve hours to the night shift. But Auggie wanted a specific bike for his birthday and you would give anything to see his face light up in six weeks. That would be worth the price tag and the extra hours.

“I'm sorry, bud,” you sigh, already picturing the droop of his mouth. “There's a lot of sick people who need mommy's help tonight, but you and Grandma are gonna have a sleepover. That sounds like fun, right?”

“Are you helping them with Daddy?”

You hum, nodding your head to no one. “I will. Want me to say hi for you?”

“Please!”

“Why don't you go clean up and get ready for bed?” Your mom's voice comes from the other end. “Huh, wait, not so fast, little man. Say goodnight to Mommy.”

“Goodnight, Mommy!” Auggie shouts, and you smile to yourself, listening to his footsteps hurrying away from the phone.

“I'm sorry about this,” you mumble, shoulders sagging as you slump back against the wall.

“Don't apologise for giving me more time with my grandbaby, but you know, sweetie, August will be fine with any red bike.”

“I know, but remember the birthday present you got me when I was his age?”

“Yeah, I remember.” It was a beautifully handcrafted, Victorian style dollhouse, with powered blue walls, white accents and three floors. You were obsessed with it. That was until your baby cousin got jealous one day and broke two of the windows. “Your father worked more hours than he should've to save up for it, but it was worth it seeing that look on your face.”

“I want that with Auggie, Mom.”

“So why not ask Jack-”

“No, Mom,” you cut her off, nudging your glasses back up your nose, “I’m not asking Jack for money.”

“You're stubborn, just like your father,” she laughs, and you could only agree.

Saying goodbye, you pocket your phone, fix your scrubs, and step out of the stairwell and back into the Pitt. It was no calmer than you had left it, the patient in 19 was still screaming, despite already being given something to help with the pain, an elderly man waiting on a bed upstairs had been moved into the hallway, and Jack's intense stare met you from the opposite side of the room, like a hawk watching its prey. It would've made anyone else crumble, but not you. You stare back with the same intensity and wait for him to make the first move.

“What are you still doing here?”

“Working,” you mumble, looking up to check the board. Mr Singh in 13 could be discharged and told to come back in the morning if the pain in his stomach persisted, freeing up a bed. “The same as you.”

“But I haven't already just done a twelve hour shift,” Jack fires back, attempting to take the pad from you. You jerk your arm, giving him the same look you would give Auggie when he refuses to eat his greens. He sighs and slips his hand into his left front pocket. “What are you doing?”

“Discharing Mr Singh.”

9:57 PM

You rap your knuckles softly on the door, your runaway teen admitted this afternoon looking up from her spot on the gurney. One of the nurses had managed to get her to change into some clean clothes, but a quick search of her pockets came up with nothing. You had her first name, Cassie, but no idea where she had come from, or how long she had been unhoused. Longer than you could probably imagine.

“How are you doing, kid?” You slip your hands into your pockets, pulling out a granola bar. It wasn't much but hopefully an incentive to get her to trust. “Hungry?”

She lowers her eyes.

“It's not much, I know, but if you think you can stomach some hospital food, I can get you a sandwich.”

She tucks a messy strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “I don't like tuna,” she whispers, any quieter and you would've missed.

“Got it.” You smile. “No tuna.”

“What's her story?” Jack asks, waiting to catch you as you leave. He was leant up against the nurses’ station, arms folded, a to-go coffee cup sitting on the counter.

“You're like a bad smell.” His lips twitch, leaning into you as you saddle up next to him. His cologne was warm and earthy, like a hug you never knew you needed until it happened. “Cassie, fourteen, possibly older, came in this afternoon after she was found unconscious on a park bench.”

“Social services?”

“She wouldn't say much to Kiara.”

“What about missing persons?” You shake your head. “What are you thinking?”

“Foster kid, maybe,” you glance up out of the corner of your eyes. He was already looking at you, eyes intense but with a softness around the edges. “We've had a few cases come in before of kids running away from group homes, found sleeping rough in parks and the usual spots for the unhoused. All similar to Cassie.”

You shrug and nudge your glasses back up your nose. Earning Cassie's trust was more important to you. And these were the type of cases you couldn't jump to conclusions with. Doing so might just be the difference between Cassie going home to a bed and hot meals, and spending another night on the street.

“Keep her overnight and contact someone in the morning to see if they can identify her?” Jack suggests and you agree, nodding your head, before letting it fall against his shoulder. The left side of his mouth hitches and he reaches for the cup. “Here.”

“Black, no sugar?” You tiredly mumble.

“Always.” You take a sip and wince. Jack snorts. “It's not that bad.”

“This,” you gesture to the cup, “is disgusting.”

You take another sip. “And yet you're still drinking it.”

"It's this or crash in the break room.”

Jack unfolds his arms, the backs of his fingers brushing against your side, gooseflesh prickling your arms. “You could just go home.”

“Mateo’s pulling a double. You're not on his ass about it,” you grumble, drinking more coffee.

He leans down, his left temple pressing into your hair, fingers stretching to softly grasp at your scrubs. “Can I let you in on a secret? I don't care about Mateo the same way I care about you.” You turn your head deeper into his shoulder but Jack feels the smile you're trying to hide. His expression stays neutral, successfully hiding his own, but his chest is alive with a warm gooey goodness. “At least tell me you took a proper break?”

“I tried.”

You lift your head, absentmindedly using his shoulder to nudge your glasses up as you pull away. That had probably been enough to give the nurses something new to gossip about in the break room. You'd probably hear about it from Dana or Perlah when you return on Tuesday, followed by Heather pulling you to the side, asking you if there had suddenly been a change in yours and Jack's ‘relationship.’ Which was a no.

“Go take a twenty minute break.”

“Not a chance,” you step away from the nurses' station, his to-go cup still clutched in your hand, “I have to get Cassie some sandwiches, Mr Johnson's blood work is back, and…” You take a sip of his coffee. “...I need to add about five packets of sugar to this.”

“Do not tarnish my coffee with sugar!” Jack snorts as you stick your fingers in your ears, pretending not to hear him. At least now he knew who taught it to Auggie.

00:39 AM

“How are we doing, Mrs Simmons?”

“Gloria, please,” Mrs Simmons insists, a friendly smile beckoning you forward into an atmosphere of warmth. “I keep telling this one the same,” she points to Ellis, “but she won't listen.”

Ellis looks over her shoulder, Mrs Simmons's chart becoming a secondary focus. “Thought I saw you whizzing about earlier.” She offers you her friendliest smile, which isn't much, but you were one of the few to ever see it. “Pulling a double?”

“Need the money,” you simply tell her, shrugging your shoulders. “Auggie's got expensive taste.”

“Birthday present?” You nod. “Auggie's his kid too, remember? Get him to pay for some of it.”

“That's the thing, he would,” you glance at Mrs Simmons, who'd be flicking her eyes between you and Ellis, listening to every word, “but let's talk about this later.” Ellis nods and turns her attention back to the patient's record. “Gloria?”

“I'm okay,” she answers, folding her hands in front of herself. “I'd better in my own bed though. Can't I go home and come back later?”

“Unfortunately not, Mrs Simmons,” Ellis says looking up for a beat.

“How long on a bed being available upstairs?” Ellis shrugs.

They had the space upstairs for more beds. It wasn't a secret. There was an empty floor, ready to be filled with beds and nurses. But refusing to hire the staff meant more patients were waiting hours, if not days, for a space to open up. The lives of patients were being gambled with because those in charge refused to put the money where it was needed, and nothing made you more angry.

You force it down, the bubbles of frustration popping as you take a breath, calming yourself. Mrs Simmons didn't need to hear a lecture about the ways the system was failing those in need.

“Are you sure there's no one we can call?” You ask for the second time that night. “A husband? Children? Even just a friend?”

“I'm old, sweetie, most of my friends are either dead or close to being dead.” You awkwardly laugh, her bluntness surprising you. “My husband too.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” you offer comfort and she accepts it with a kind smile. “What about children?”

“Just my son,” she quickly shakes her head, “but he lives in Italy now. It's just me, dear.”

You meet Ellis’s gaze. “What about leaving him a voicemail?” She asks, mirroring your stance on the opposite side of Gloria. “I'm sure your son would want to know you're in the hospital.” Gloria nods, unhappy to be defeated. “Good.”

“So, who's the dreamboat?” Gloria points and you follow her finger until it stops at Jack and Mateo. “Not the pretty one, the one on the left.”

“Dr Abbot,” you answer, ignoring Ellis and her smirk.

“I saw you two earlier.”

Ellis's eyebrows meet her hairline. “Oh?”

You look down at your pad, skimming your eyes over Gloria's notes. “Still keeping an eye on everyone?”

She shrugs. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Nurse?” Ellis asks.

“Thirty five years,” she says with pride, eyes brightening. “Looked pretty cozy, you and Doctor Dreamboat. What's the story?”

“No story-”

Ellis barks a sharp laugh. “Oh, there's a story there, alright,” she cuts in, the edges of her lips curving upwards. “Or was Auggie just an immaculate conception?”

“Either way, it's in the past,” you say tightly, and brush a hand down the front of your scrubs. “Don't you have other patients to see, Dr Ellis?” You didn't make it a habit to air out your dirty laundry to all your patients, and Ellis might just do so if you let her stay much longer. “I think there's a case of food poisoning with your name on it.”

“Who is it? Shen?” She teases, making her exit, giving Gloria a sharp nod.

“Didn't look like it was in the past to me, sweetie,” Gloria continues, fixing her sheets. Eyes float to ‘Doctor Dreamboat,’ lingering for a beat, just long enough so he wouldn't feel you staring. Gloria watches you; her gaze not hard like Jack's, but soft with curiosity. “Have you told him how you feel?”

You suppress the laugh that bites at your throat, a flash of warmth hitting your cheeks, the memory feeling hot and fresh for something that was seven years ago. Heather's birthday, too many beers, and a recently broken heart had led you to a quick and awkward fumble in the back of Jack's truck. Your dress hadn't even been hitched up your waist when you had mumbled something about wanting to do this for a long time. Jack's agreement had been the thing that took it all from fantasy to reality.

“It's complicated,” you settle on, giving your patient a slight frown.

“That's love.”

3:55 AM

“You look different.” Bridget stirs sugar into her coffee, the nurse trying to work out for the last five minutes what was so different about you tonight. She leans back against the counter, narrowing her eyes and studying you. “Not pregnant again, are we?”

“I'm not sure immaculate conception is a real thing,” you nearly choke on your water, screwing the cap tight on your bottle. If you were lacking one thing in your life, it was definitely a sex life.

“She's wearing her glasses,” Jack mumbles, briefly looking up from the medical journal in front of him, occupying the space across from you at the table.

Bridget accepts his answer with no problem, sipping slowly on the hot coffee. It needed more sugar, and she grabbed another sugar packet, ripping it open.

“Coffee, anyone?” She offers to both of you. “Fresh pot.”

Jack taps the back of his finger against his cup, not the same one you walked off with earlier. “I'm good.”

“No, thanks,” you scrunch your nose, trying not to look too disgusted.

Jack closes the journal, marking the page with his thumb. “Why are you wearing your glasses?” He asks, curiosity getting the better of him. He knew you didn't need to have a reason to wear them. “Lose your contacts again? You didn’t fall asleep in them, did you?”

“I did that one time.” You roll your eyes. “And no, I didn't lose them. I’m wearing them for Auggie.”

“Why?” Jack straightens up. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, not really.” You shake your head, trying to defuse the alarms ringing so clearly on his face. A sigh tumbles off your lips. “It's just the other day, he said he didn't want to wear his glasses anymore because they make him look stupid.”

He frowns. “He said that?”

“I think one of the other kids might have said it.”

“Whatever happened to kids just being nice?”

“Most kids are,” Bridget answers, taking the seat next to you, happy to rest her feet, even if it was just for a few seconds. You nod, agreeing with her. “But some just don't know how to play nice.”

“Doesn't explain why you're wearing yours.” Jack flicks his eyes away from Bridget, back to you.

“I'm thinking maybe if he sees me wearing mine, he won't feel as embarrassed to wear his,” you explain, unscrewing your water bottle. You take a sip, shrugging your shoulders. “It's not my most creative plan, but he didn't make a fuss when I asked him to put his glasses on this morning.”

Bridget touches your wrist. “It's a sweet plan, hun.”

“D’you think I should start wearing mine more around him?”

“You've already been mistaken for his grandpa once before,” you tease, giving his foot a soft tap under the table. “Might just happen a few more times if you go around in those old man frames.”

Jack grins, tapping your foot back.

“Y/L/N?” Mateo pokes his head around the break room door. You glance at him, eyebrows arching, not liking the droop of his mouth and the panic in his eyes. “It's your patient in 18. Mrs Simmons.”

4:48 AM

Jack finds you in your usual hiding spot, bottom of the stairwell, obscured by a potted plant, head in your hands, body hunched over to make yourself look as small as possible. It works. People pass by without acknowledging you. Or maybe they do, but decide not to. He approaches quietly, knees cracking as he lowers himself down to join you, a groan rolling easily off his mouth.

“It-”

“Don't,” you mumble, voice muffled and broken, “I don't want one of your motivational speeches right now.”

Jack snaps his jaw shut, lips pursed together tightly. He tips his head back, meeting the wall behind, and looks up at the ceiling.

He remembers the first time he found you here, two months into your residency, the first glimpse of what was really behind that stubborn exterior. Multiple deaths from a vehicle pile up would do that to you. There was no motivational speech that night. He just sat and waited with you until you were ready to go back to work.

A few months later, you would ask him why he did that, and he would just shrug and mumble something about it feeling right in the moment.

It's in this spot, that he found out you were pregnant. And for all of thirty seconds, his world came crumbling down.

He hadn't thought about a life that involved children. Not ever, not really. Was there even a justifiable reason to bring a kid into a word that couldn't get its shit together? His thirties mostly consisted of friends with kids asking when it was going to be his turn. It came down to him making the decision that if it didn't happen before he was forty, then it just wasn't meant to be. And then you stormed into the Pitt, all stubborn, not backing down from a challenge, matching his every step.

A drunken decision became his whole world and he wouldn't take it back.

“Can I talk yet?”

“No,” you gruff out, but know it won't be enough to stop him. He'll say whatever speech he has stored up and you would just have to listen.

“It wasn't your fault,” he says, voice soft, trying to comfort you. He hesitates, but reaches out, settling his hand on the back of your neck. “Come here,” is all he mumbles, cupping your head as you fall against his side. His thumb strokes slowly, making patterns in your hair. “It wasn't your fault,” he repeats, emphasizing each word.

Your fingers play with your scrubs, hands dropping from your face and into your lap. Jack tucks you beneath his chin, and you welcome his warmth and comfort in one big breath.

Your bottom lip wobbles. “It was.”

“No, it wasn't.” He trails his hand down your back and drapes his arm around your middle, holding you tighter. “You followed every procedure, this was just one of those things that snuck up on us.”

“It shouldn't have,” you disagree, always the hardest on yourself. “I should've caught it before it was too late. I'm better than that.”

“Look at me.” You do, chin turned upwards, sniffling as you fight to keep the tears away. “We're human, but we're not perfect, okay?” He dips his head, looking at you directly. “We try things. We make mistakes. We fall, we get hurt, but we always rise up again. This one thing doesn't make you a bad doctor. How many mistakes have you made with Auggie? Doesn't make you a bad mom doesn't it now?” His thumb brushes away the first tear, calloused pad rough against your cheek. “You're a damn good doctor. I'd tell you if I thought otherwise.”

A small smile plays on your lips. If Jack blinked he would miss it. “You can't just let me feel defeated once, can you?” You huff, feigning your annoyance.

He takes his arm from around you, letting you sit up. “I can't, I like your smile too much to see you upset.” You glance at him wide-eyed and he just chuckles. Catching you off guard with subtle and not-so-subtle admissions was always fun for him.

“I'm not the one who needs to smile more,” you say, pushing your hands into the floor and standing up. Jack takes your hand as you offer it to him, groaning as he slowly gets up. “People might think you're less of a grump.”

He shakes his head. “I save my smiles for my two favourite people.”

You tilt your head. “Auggie and the waitress at Frankie’s?” Frankie’s was a diner still stuck in the seventies and the only place that made pancakes good enough for your son to eat. Jack did take offence to that.

“Okay, three people.” He points to you and counts you off on his opposite hand, “Auggie and Bertha,” two more fingers go up.

“Bertha’s been happily married for forty three years.”

“What Bertha and I have goes beyond marriage.”

You snort. “She only has a soft spot for you because you saved her husband from choking on bacon that one time.”

“And now I get my coffee for free.” He reaches out to fix your glasses. “You good?”

You shrug, a crooked smile twisting your mouth. “Is that twenty minute break still on offer?”

“Go,” he nods. “I'll find you if we need you.”

7:28 AM

Jack waits for you, his army rucksack slung over his left shoulder, mouth tight, forming a smile as you exited the hospital. “Everything good?”

“All good,” you mumble, nodding. “Just needed to give something to Dana.”

He tips his head, fishing his keys from his cargo pocket. “Something important?”

“Depends on your definition of important. I wrote a letter to Mrs Simmons's son.”

“Taking a leaf out of my own book, huh?” Warmth blooms behind his ribs. “Said everything you needed to say?”

Just about. Letters to the patient's loved ones was more Jack's thing, so you were unsure at first what you wanted to say, but once you started, it was hard to stop. The general stuff was in there, how sorry you were for his loss and how you had done everything possible in your power to keep her alive. But you also included how she was a beautiful and kind woman, someone who he could be proud of.

“I think so,” you say, giving a glance back at the double doors. The next forty eight hours would be bliss compared to the last twenty four you just had. “I picked up the extra hours to pay for Auggie's birthday present,” you turn back to him.

“Huh?”

“Last night, you asked me what I was still doing here, and, well, that's why.” You fix the strap looped over your shoulder, the front dotted with badges with various aquatic animals. It was like carrying a piece of Auggie with you to work. “It's a bike that's stupidly expensive but it's the only thing he's asked me for this year and I really want him to have it.”

His lips twitch. “The red one, with the white stripes on it?”

“Kinda matches his glasses?”

He hugs his arm around your shoulders. “Yeah, I already have it in my garage.” You gasp and give his side a soft punch. “Hey!” He groans, clutching your shoulder tighter, pulling you against him. “I didn't know he had asked you for it too.”

“I'm gonna kill you Jack Abbot,” you grumble, spinning out of his arm.

He chuckles, lips perked at the corners. “No, you're not. Who else is gonna take you to breakfast?”

You playfully roll your eyes. “You only want to go Frankie’s so you can see Bertha, I have nothing to do with.”

He swings the loop of his key chain around his finger. “Yeah, you're right.”

tagging: @livinginastory

[strangunddurm]

love this sm

SOMEONE, SOMEDAY, SOMEWHERE [3]

MICHAEL ‘ROBBY’ ROBINAVITCH x F!READER

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wc: 3.6k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of PTSD, author doesn’t know anything about heart rhythms, suggestive ending

A/N: tbh, this is a very robby-centric chapter—not necessarily a character study, but a lot of it is just what’s going through his head with a bit of fun banter.

─── ⋆⋅ general taglist form

Robby isn’t actually a huge drinker. 

He’s always had an addictive personality, and while it’s helped him with many things—namely med school—it’s also a real fucking bitch. He’s had too many vices over the years, smoking, drinking, coke (Jack had to help him through that one with a few ass-kickings and way too many lectures, but hey, it worked). 

Nowadays, Robby gets by on caffeinated fucking tea and throwing himself into his job with an unhealthy vigor. 

Today is an exception, though. He has tomorrow off, so Jack, who has tonight off, has the esteemed honor of listening to Robby bitch and moan about the clusterfuck that his life has become. 

“She’s the one who came in with Jesse, yeah?”

“I guess? I don’t fucking know, I wasn’t there. I was late because I was up all night fucking her.”

Jack snorts into his drink, the bastard, and Robby takes a sip of his own. 

“Okay, well, so you know she came in with Jesse.”

Robby shoots him an unimpressed look. 

“They’re cousins, apparently. Wouldn’t’ve guessed based on appearances, but…”

Head thudding on the table in front of him, Robby whispers curses like he’s counting Mala beads, then sits back up before he can get himself kicked out of the bar. 

“That’s fucking great,” he scrubs a hand down his face before tucking it under the arm already crossed over his chest. “Just lost the respect of one of the most reliable guys on my staff.” 

“Robby, shit like this happens,” Jack tries to reason, “you just gotta roll with it. Keep your distance, but don’t be a dick. Move on, man.”

Glancing over at him, Robby really considers bringing up the topic that his friend likes to keep nestled tight within his chest, but it’s really not worth it. Jack is just trying to help. 

Robby doesn’t do well with actually discussing his feelings, though. Usually, he prefers to vent without receiving any type of meaningful response or simply sit in silence and glare down at the bubbles in his beer. 

But, Jack Abbot, despite his general demeanor of stoicism, is a fucking talker, so both of the options previously listed are really just wishful thinking. 

“Move on? That’s the best you’ve got?” Robby asks, and it’s as much a jab as it is a genuine question because how, pray tell, is he supposed to just move on from that. 

Jack looks at him with raised eyebrows and takes a swig of his non-alcoholic beer (the man has more restraint than Robby ever will). When he puts the bottle back down on the table, Jack pins Robby with a look and starts, “okay—” and god dammit, he shouldn’t have given his friend a reason to open his mouth again, “—I hate to remind you, but you’ve been here before.”

Not wrong. 

“In fact, I distinctly fucking remember sitting in a bar just like this one, listening to the same tune, only it was about Heather.”

Robby cringes. Ouch. 

“That was different.”

Jack snorts, “yeah, ‘cause you’d been pining for—”

“I was not fucking pining—”

“Pining,” Jack continues, “for months. I feel like that was a way bigger dilemma than whatever you’ve got goin’ on now with the cute one-night-stand who just happens to work at the hospital.”

It wasn’t supposed to be a one-night-stand.

Well, it was, but then it wasn’t. By the end of it all, it definitely didn’t feel like a one-night-stand, that’s for fucking sure. 

But, how is he supposed to tell Jack that? It’d be like giving him a loaded gun and extra ammo. 

“Don’t tell me you were actually thinking about calling her,” Jack says, sounding much more condescending than he probably means to. 

Robby looks over at him, wonders how a man ten years his junior can look so annoyingly wise. War, probably. 

“Was texting her on my way in,” Robby grunts. 

After letting out another long and laborious sigh, Jack prefaces, “I’m saying this out of love, brother.” Here it comes. “You’re in no place for something like this, alright?”

“Something like what?” Robby grits, fingers tightening around the neck of the bottle in front of him. 

Jack doesn’t miss it, and his posture shifts in a way that has him ready to catch whatever Robby might throw at him—just another not-at-all heartbreaking defense mechanism his friend brought back with him from overseas. Robby would never purposely hurt him, but the fact that Jack still tapped into that part of his brain, consciously or not, makes him feel like shit. 

So, Robby relaxes, lets go of the bottle, and hangs his head backward over his chair. 

“Something like what?” he repeats without as much bite this time around. 

He sees some of the tension leave Jack’s shoulders, thank fucking God. 

“Something that’s anything other than work and healing,” Jack answers, voice rough, tone caring. 

“Not this shit again,” Robby stands up and tosses a few bills from his wallet onto the table, “I’m fine, alright? You can stop pimping out your fucking therapist.”

Jack apparently runs out of patience then because he starts using his backup tactic: the hard truth. 

“Yeah, just like you were fine when you had a panic attack in front of a grieving fucking family last week.”

“Jack—”

“Or, when you lost it on the nursing student over vent settings…”

“That could kill someone,” Robby argues. 

“It was attached to a mannequin, Robby! Also, are we ever gonna talk about your daily dissociation in front of the fox?” 

Robby lets out something like a growl and roughly scratches at his head, “alright, I get it, I fucking get it, I’ll keep my dick in my pants, Christ.”

“I’m not worried about your dick this time, man.”

They stop halfway to the door, glance at one another. 

“I’d rather you not worry about my dick at all, Jack.”

“You know what I fucking mean,” the other man grumbles. 

“Do I?”

They’re both laughing by the time they hit the sidewalk. 

•

Adamson’s death fucked him up. 

Heather moving didn’t help either. 

PittFest was probably the final straw. 

Between losing his mentor, one of his closest friends, and his stepson, Robby has not been in the best mental space. He’s barely been himself at all. 

Gloria forced him to take a leave of absence not long after the shooting, and he can’t blame her for that. Somewhere deep inside of him, Robby even appreciates that she prioritized his health over her precious reviews. 

However, he does not appreciate anyone viewing him as weak, and after everything that’s happened, Robby can’t help but think that’s exactly how his team sees him now—like he’s fragile, on the verge of losing his shit at any given moment (some days he is). 

So, of course, it was refreshing meeting someone who didn’t know his sordid fucking history, who looked at him as just some guy, who let him take her back to his house and do all sorts of things to and with her… so, so many things… 

Unfortunately, Jack is right about Robby not being ready for anything of real substance at the moment, and therein lies the problem: Robby has never been good at keeping things casual. With anyone or anything. And, the one night he spent with you is more than enough to prove to him that there is no way in hell he’d be able to keep things light between the two of you. 

The sex was fucking spectacular, but it’s not the reason he’d struggle. No, it was the note you’d left on his fridge, how it had made him smile in a way Robby hasn’t in a long time.

He isn’t naive enough to believe in happy little endings, not after everything he’s seen over the years—parents watching their children die, unpreventable freak accidents. Fuck, just the other day Robby treated a woman who was brought in after being attacked by her husband; he’d gone after her with a barbecue fork, and she ended up losing her left eye. 

The world is a cruel place, and God has a terrible sense of humor, and even at his age, Robby still has a hard time understanding any of it. Sometimes he thinks it might be time to hang up the white coat, that he’s too old for this shit. 

But, god dammit, you made him feel young and stupid again. 

It’s cliché and kind of fucking gross, and Robby really and truly wants to listen to Jack’s advice—roll with it, keep his distance, just move on—it’s just that he’s not so sure he’s actually capable of doing that, and after the way you’d looked at him on the roof of the hospital, Robby’s not so sure you are either. 

The proximity shouldn’t be a problem. It isn’t as if he’ll have to see you in the pitt all that often. 

That’s what he thought, anyway. 

Robby never realized how many god damn neuro consults they request down in the EC. Every doctor on his team can perform the basic exam, but with all the fucking head traumas that roll through the doors, the basics usually aren’t enough. 

Robby puts in orders for MRIs and CTs and EEGs, and Dana pages whoever she needs to page, and then ten minutes later Mehta or some other attending will stride in accompanied by one if not all five of the new fellows. 

Sometimes Robby is able to stay out of the way, busy with someone on the other side of the pitt. Other times, you’re all working on the same patient, moving around one another. 

Like now, as you all crowd around a middle-aged man who crashed his car into a minivan. The neuro attending is flitting around different exam rooms, checking on the other fellows as they assess the family of four that was t-boned. It leaves you under the supervision of Langdon, Robby, and the team of nurses that are all working to stabilize the patient. 

“Sir, can you hear me?” you lean over him as Princess suddenly shouts the name that was found on the man’s ID— “Mr. Parsons, are you able to blink for me?” He does, and you inform everyone that his, “pupils are unequal, sluggish but reactive.”

Mr. Parsons has a pretty severe head laceration, which is one of Robby’s least favorite kinds because they just bleed so fucking much. 

“BP 185 over 120.”

“Mr. Parsons, there a history of stroke in your family?” Robby asks as he glances at the vitals monitor. 

Mr. Parsons tries to speak, groans, and then his eyes roll into the back of his head. The alarms that were already going off begin to chime louder and faster as he goes into V-fib, and because you’re still in position from checking his pupils and therefore closest to his chest, you immediately start CPR. 

Robby can see your lips move with every number you count to yourself, fingers laced together, elbows locked, good rate and depth. Perfect form, if he’s being honest, though your calves will probably be sore from having to stand on your tipto—not important. 

Jesse is pulling sedation in case they need it for intubation (they will, Robby already knows), and a med student whose name he doesn’t remember is grabbing paddles while Princess waits for charging instructions. 

You know to step back; Robby knows you know, but you’re not as quick as those who work these cases every day, and apparently that irritates Langdon because he shouts, “fucking move!” while making a swiping motion from the other side of the bed. 

You don’t react aside from backing away with your hands in the air. Robby, however, snaps without thinking, “watch it, Frank,” and narrows his eyes when Langdon glances at him. 

Robby looks back at the monitors before anyone can see the clear irritation on his face, calls out, “Jesse—Roc and Ketamine.”

“Going in now.” At least someone knows how to act. 

Mr. Parsons is shocked back into a normal sinus rhythm and intubated. He’ll be going to the ICU (whenever a bed is available), but until then…

“Squeamish?” Robby asks, tearing off his bloody PPE (fucking head lacs) and watching you do the same with shaky hands. 

“Hm?” you look at him with wide eyes, “oh, no, not really. Just adrenaline, ya’ know? Haven’t done CPR on a real human in ages.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Robby shrugs, stepping in closer without even realizing, “you were pretty quick to start compressions.”

You grin, a little crooked and a lot cute, and Robby knows he should leave it here. Give you your pat on the back and move onto the next case. 

“Like I said—adrenaline,” you reiterate. “Also, Pink Pony Club.”

Robby raises his eyebrows. “What is…? What?”

“You know, the super popular song?”

Robby shakes his head, but you nod and assure him, “you know it. It’s fucking everywhere. The ‘pink pony club, I’m gonna keep on dancin’ at the pink pony’—that one.”

“Oh, yeah, I do know that one.” It’s impossible to escape. “Wish I didn’t, but I do.”

“Well, it’s 107 beats per minute, so it’s kinda perfect for CPR.”

“Whatever happened to using Stayin’ Alive?” Robby questions, tries not to crack a smile when you giggle. 

You’re sharp, so fucking quick to tease him, “hospitals started hiring people who were born after 1985 is what happened,” even poke your tongue between your teeth. 

Robby’s jaw drops as he scoffs, and this time he steps forward on purpose, fully aware of how close he’s standing, but there’s a playful little twinkle in your eye, and it causes any decent thoughts to flee from his head. 

So, he teases right back, “maybe, but ya’ know what?” 

“What?” You lift an eyebrow. 

“They just don’t fucking do it as well as old dogs like me.”

Your mouth may be closed, but Robby still sees the way you suck your teeth at him, like you’re trying not to say something that’ll get you into trouble. 

A cough from the bedside brings Robby back down to earth. You look past him, and when your eyes go a little wide, Robby realizes that Jesse is definitely still standing next to Mr. Parsons and has been this whole time. He’s probably too far away to hear anything, but it’s hard to miss the lack of distance between you and Robby, how he’s ducking to speak to you in a low voice, a suggestive voice. 

Even if he’s keeping his hands to himself, Robby knows what it looks like. 

It looks like an older attending coming onto a pretty, younger doctor, which is kind of exactly what it fucking is. 

Swearing, Robby motions to the door, still quiet when he tells you, “get back to wherever you need to be.”

Your eyes flick to your cousin again, mouth twisting and twitching like you may be sucking on your cheek, then you shake your head and step out. 

Robby rubs his face to keep himself from watching you walk away, then without turning around— “Jesse.” The nurse hums in acknowledgment, gives nothing more, so Robby just continues, “Mr. Parsons stable?”

“Yes, sir. For now.” 

He could be imagining it, but Robby thinks there may be a slight edge to his tone, which is extremely fucking uncharacteristic of Jesse. He’s not exactly a chatterbox that Robby has noticed, but he’ll talk with anyone who talks to him. He’s always polite, always professional, and he’s usually about six steps ahead of everyone else. 

He’s a solid fucking nurse, and Robby is always relieved to have him in whatever trauma room he may be working in.

All of this is to say that there is very good reason for Robby to feel dread pool in his gut when he sees the neutral expression on Jesse’s face. No wide smile or easy posture. He’s just staring at Robby. Unamused. 

“Shit, okay—you up for a walk to the cafeteria?” Robby asks because he’s not just gonna fucking order the other man around. 

“Craving hospital food?” Jesse answers without actually answering, and Robby can see a subtle tick at the corner of his mouth, probably the closest the guy ever gets to smirking. Or frowning. He knows he’s got the upper hand here, and Robby is not about to try to take it from him.

“I hear the mashed potatoes are fantastic,” Robby deadpans, “in fact, they get better reviews than this department does.”

“Everything gets better reviews than this department,” Jesse counters, stares Robby down for a few more seconds, then shrugs, “sure, let’s go.”

They get as far as the elevator before Robby starts talking, mostly because he doesn’t want to stand in tense silence for three floors. 

“I’ll make this quick, ‘cause I don’t think either of us really wanna have this conversation,” he says, eyes locked on the wall and the number that changes as the car begins to ascend. 

“What conversation—the one where we both acknowledge that you slept with my little cousin?”

Christ, did he really have to throw the ‘little’ in there?

Robby grabs the back of his own neck, jaw sliding from side to side, “yeah, that’d be the one.”

There’s that silence he was hoping to avoid. 

“Are you planning on doing it again?” Jesse breaks it, eyes still forward. 

Robby squeezes his own shut, shakes his head and says, “nope,” with an emphasized ‘p’.

“Alright, then.” 

The elevator doors slide open at the third floor, and Jesse holds a hand out to let Robby exit first. 

“Okay. So, we’re good?” Robby lifts an eyebrow when Jesse just nods, makes no move to get out. “You coming?”

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” Jesse shakes his head and finally reveals one of his sponsored-by-Colgate grins when he tells Robby, “I should get back down there,” while pressing the button to close the doors, “but you enjoy your mashed potatoes, Robby.”

Then, the lanky fucker disappears behind sliding metal, and Robby, a little shocked, stands with his head cocked, mouth open, uncaring of everyone moving around him because what the fuck was that? 

He never would have imagined that Nurse Jesse Van Horn, great with both patients and staff, calm and collected, nominated for multiple Daisy Awards, is actually a little shit. 

•

He shouldn’t text you. Especially after that bizarre fucking interaction. 

<< Your cousin is scary

Robby does anyway. 

>> oh, he absolutely is. 

>>  but he’s usually all sweet and charming so no one expects it 

<< That makes him even more terrifying 

>> for sure.  

>> what’d he say to you? 

<< Nothing. He told me to enjoy my mashed potatoes. 

>> ??? What the fuck does that even mean?

Robby snorts. He needs to keep it short, end the conversation here, make an excuse about being too busy to explain even though he’s sitting on his couch with his feet propped up, M*A*S*H rerun playing on the TV he isn’t paying attention to. Just cut it off. 

<< I really do not know 

There. Simple, one line, what could you possibly reply wi—

Robby’s phone vibrates in his hand with an incoming call. He stares for the first ring, scratches at his chin on the second, then swears, “fuck it,” and picks up. 

He doesn’t even bother with a greeting, just starts with, “I am just as fucking confused as you are, believe me.”

“Is mashed potatoes code for something? Is it a euphemism for masturbation?”

If Robby had been drinking anything, it would definitely be all over his shirt and coffee table. 

“What? How would it—why would it—?”

“I don’t know! It could’ve been like—like, ‘since you can’t screw my cousin again, have fun with your hand’,” you try to explain your logic which is at least somewhat sound, but Robby is too hung up on the fact that he’s been talking to you for five fucking seconds and you’re somehow on the topic of masturbating. 

“Also, they have the same number of syllables,” you add, “mashed po-ta-toes, mas-tur-ba-tion.”

Robby’s laugh is high-pitched and incredulous. “You’re a little fucking strange, you know that? I didn’t notice the other night.”

“Well, you were a little distracted with other things.”

Exhaling through clenched teeth, Robby drops his feet from the table and leans forward, hangs his head, and you just wait because you know what you did, what you’re doing to him.

Brat, Robby thinks, and he wants to be irritated by this little character trait of yours, but it turns out it just gets him hard.

His voice is embarrassingly shredded when he damn near begs, “don’t fuckin’ do this to me, sweetheart.”

When you don’t respond immediately, Robby starts to imagine what you might be doing—if you’re antsy or restless, chewing on your lower lip, rubbing your thighs together in that way women think men don’t notice, Jesus Christ. 

Chuckling in disbelief at how fucking easy he is for you to rile up, Robby tells you, “I’m hanging up now.”

“Probably a good idea,” you hum. “See you at the next head trauma.”

“I’ll be there.” Weird time to start palming himself through his pants, but it was gonna happen no matter what. 

He’s about to hang up when you speak again, “hey, Robby?”

“Yeah?”

“Enjoy your mashed potatoes.”

He swears at you and your goddamn giggle while shoving his fucking hand down the front of his pants. The line (thankfully) goes dead before you can hear the drawn-out groan that leaves his chest when he wraps his hand around his alarmingly hard dick. Robby is actually dizzy from how fast his blood had rushed from one head to another.

Keep his distance. Move on. 

He will. He definitely will. 

After he jerks off to the memory of how fucking good you looked taking his cock. 

now tagging y’all on separate posts!

[strangunddurm]

i can’t recall if i already put in a suggestion, but my idea is a dr robby girlfriend/wife reader

reader deathly afraid of needles but takes injections every week for migraines. michael takes his “lunch break” to calm reader down and help her through the injection.

hiii bestie thank you so much for the request! i took some liberties with this so i hope that's ok. this should've been a relatively short prompt, but i am apparently incapable of writing anything without establishing backstory!

_______

time after time

dr. robby x wife!reader content: 18+ mdni, swearing, needles (obvie), some canon medical stuff, but barely words: 4.8k

It had been Robby’s idea for you to see a neurologist for your migraines. He had been begging you to for as long as he’d known you.

The first time he came home from a shift to find you laying down in the shower with the lights off, it scared the shit out of him.

“What the fuck?” He flipped the light switch on and dropped to the side of the tub.

But you seemed annoyed and groggy as you squinted against the sudden brightness, “Lights off, please.”

He looked at you incredulously, but since you didn’t seem to be dying, he obeyed, “I thought you fell.” He said, sitting down next to the tub and rubbing at his face.

“The sound of the shower and the feel of it against my head is soothing the pain,” You murmured, “Also,” You gestured to the toilet, “Proximity if I need to puke.”

He shook his head, “You could’ve warned me.”

You hummed, “Lost track of time. I don’t know how long I’ve been here.”

“That’s… mildly concerning.” You didn’t say anything else, but he continued to sit there, unwilling to leave you alone in this state, “Would you see a neurologist if I got you a referral?”

“No.” You said immediately.

“Why not?” He asked, though they had already had this conversation. He wondered, though, if asking while you were in the middle of an episode would change your tune.

“I’ve been dealing with it just fine by myself.”

He huffed a laugh through his nose, “I’m not sure I would call this just fine. Did you take Advil?”

“Yes.”

“Did it work?”

You didn’t answer, which was an answer on its own.

“I hate seeing you like this.” He said quietly.

“Then go in another room.”

He smirked, you were stubborn. To a fault sometimes. But so was he. He would wear you down. Not that day perhaps, but eventually.

“Can’t leave you here unsupervised when you’re like this. You could slip and fall when you try to get out.”

You sighed, “Well then, I guess we’re at an impasse.”

And it went like that for years, Michael repeatedly asking you to see a neurologist, you refusing.

It wasn’t until a year into your marriage that you finally agreed. Lately the attacks had become more frequent and lasting for longer periods.

Michael had been checking on you when he was home, but for the most part you would shrug him off and go back to sleep. It had been days, now since it started. But you wouldn’t listen when he said maybe you should go to the ER for fluids and meds. So he would leave you, putting a security camera in your bedroom so he could check on you while he was at work.

You had rolled your eyes when you watched him angle the camera towards the bed, “You know, baby, we could be doing much more exciting things with a camera in the bedroom than watch me sleep.”

“Yes,” He nodded solemnly, “And it’s a shame that we can’t do any of those fun things because you refuse treatment—“

You groaned and tugged a blanket over your head, “Thank you, Dr. Robinavitch, that’ll be all.”

He had smirked and pulled the blanket back down, kissing your forehead, “You know how to find me if you need me. I love you.”

When he checked a few hours later and you were off camera, he assumed maybe you were feeling better, maybe had gone to eat something. Or, you had gone to lay in the shower in the dark. He sent off a quick text to check in and then jumped back into another case.

But a half hour later, Dana was coming to find him, “I need you in North 11.”

“Just a second.” Robby was gloved up, watching Collins and Santos drain some blood that had collected around a patient’s lungs.

“I really don’t think you want to wait for this one.” He turned and looked at Dana. Her face was hard to read, but she wasn’t one to insist if it wasn’t important.

“Collins, you got this?”

“Sats are rising,” She glanced up at Robby, “We’ll call if we need you.”

“What is it?” Robby said as he degloved and threw away his robe.

Dana sighed, “Your wife is here. She’s fine.” She added at the look on his face, “Well, not fine. But she’ll live. Status migrainosis.” He nodded, but showed no other reaction, “You don’t seem surprised that she’s here.”

“She’s had a migraine for three days now, mostly bed ridden.”

“And you left her at home?”

He huffed a laugh, “When have you ever known my wife to do something just because I suggested it? Do you think I should have tossed her over my shoulder and brought her here against her wishes?”

“Point taken.”

Robby started walking, Dana trailed a step behind, “She brought herself here?”

“I think she Ubered, but she was pretty upset when she got here, it was hard to understand her. She didn’t want you to know she was here.”

Robby slowed and turned back to Dana, “Why wouldn’t she want me to know she was here?”

Dana gave him a knowing look, “Come on, Robby. You’ve been begging her to see a doctor for years now. The two of you are competitive and stubborn as hell. Her being here means you won.”

He gave a short laugh and began walking again, “Well she can’t be that bad if she’s thinking about winning.”

“As if you weren’t thinking about it, too.”

“How dare you. My beautiful wife is in so much pain she’s in my ER and you think I’m thinking about winning?”

“I don’t think,” Dana smirked, “I know.”

Robby pushed back the curtain to see you sniffling, curled on the bed and around a basin you appeared to have been vomiting in. You wore one of his hoodies which was tugged over your head, the strings pulled tight enough that it partially covered your eyes.

He sighed and pulled a stool close to the bed, “Hey, sweetheart.” He said softly stroking a hand on your bare ankle, “I hear you’re in a lot of pain.”

You glared up at Dana, “Traitor.”

“Sorry, kid.” Dana smiled and backed out, pulling the curtain closed behind her.

With just the two of you now, he could see you struggling not to cry, “The pain’s only gotten worse and worse and I couldn’t stop puking and I got scared.”

“It’s okay, you’re probably dehydrated. It’s likely that this was just your normal migraine, but since the pain’s worse than you’re used to, we’re going to run some tests to be sure.” He started to glove up as he spoke, “We’ll give you fluids and some meds intravenously for the pain while we wait for a spot to open up for CT.”

“Intravenously?” You squirmed away from his touch, “Can’t I just take them orally and chug a bunch of water?”

He eyed you strangely, “They won’t work fast enough that way, you’d probably keep puking them up.”

You rubbed a hand at your face, frustrated as tears began flowing again, “I can’t,” You cried.

“What do you mean you can’t?” He asked gently.

“Needles.” You mumbled.

He raised his eyebrows, “You’re afraid of needles?”

You nodded, still sniffling.

He almost laughed, “How did I not know this? In all the time we’ve been together haven’t you gotten vaccines or bloodwork done?”

You sighed and closed your eyes, tilting your head back against the bed, “If I absolutely have to, I wear noise canceling headphones and a blindfold so I don’t know when it’s coming.”

“Doesn’t that make it worse?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, but it’s stopped me from punching healthcare workers involuntarily. They don’t like it when you do that.”

Robby nods solemnly, “Yeah, I can imagine. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know.” You sighed helplessly, “I thought maybe you’d think it was silly.”

“It’s not silly,” He said softly, “It’s a very common phobia.”

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back, “I hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Talk to me like I’m a patient you’re trying to soothe.”

He sighed, “Well, right now you are my patient and we have to get those fluids and meds in your body sooner rather than later, so I’m sorry to say, but we’ll have to put an IV in and we’ll have to take some blood too once you’re hydrated—“ You looked at him with horror and he said quickly, “But you probably won’t even feel the second one once you’re hydrated, alright. It’ll be super quick, I promise. And I’ll be here the whole time. I’m gonna go get Dana, okay?”

Robby sighed and walked out of the room.

“How is she?” Dana was immediately next to him.

Robby sighed, “She’s deathly afraid of needles.”

“You’re kidding,” Dana playfully shoved his arm, “You’ve been with her how long and you didn’t know? Some husband you are.”

He nodded and looked at the floor, “I feel awful I didn’t know. It explains why she’s always been so resistant to come here or go to the neurologist.”

“It’s okay, Robby. Happens to the best of us,” She clapped him over the shoulder, “Do you want help with the IV?”

“Yeah, I thought maybe you could do it. I don’t do them often and I don’t want to miss her vein.”

 Dana laughed, “Ah, so if I miss the vein, she can hate me instead.”

“Exactly.” Robby said as they pulled the curtain back around your bed.

You were puking again when they walked in and Robby immediately put a hand to your back to soothe you. It looked like you were vomiting straight bile now, which he imagined was very painful and only further exacerbating your migraine pain.

“Could we… Turn these lights off?” You asked calmly, but tears were streaming down your face and you were shaking.

They couldn’t turn the lights off because you weren’t in a room. “Do we have any private rooms?” He asked Dana quietly.

“Oh, no,” You said immediately, “I don’t want to take that from a patient who actually needs it—“

“You are a patient and you need it.” Robby said, and then turned back to Dana.

“We don’t, but we could put her in the family room. One of them has a little couch she could lay on.”

Robby nodded, “Could you grab a wheelchair?”

Robby fussed over you, carrying you into the wheelchair when you said you could walk. Rubbing your back when you inevitably vomited again. And although Dana would do the IV insertion, Robby disinfected your skin and tied the tourniquet.

Despite your best efforts, you whimpered when the tourniquet tightened. Robby looked up at you, “Did I hurt you?” He asked softly.

You shook your head, but didn’t say anything, worried you’d start sobbing if you tried to speak. You felt silly about how afraid of the needles you were. Anyone else would barely flinch at the thought of it. But it made you feel sick.

Robby came around to your other side, taking the hand that wasn’t about to be poked, “Look at me.” He smiled when you obliged, his eyes warm and loving, “Do you want to know what’s happening or would you prefer not to know?”

You took in a shuddering breath, “Could you distract me, please?”

He held your hand to his mouth, bending his forehead towards yours, “This was supposed to be a surprise, but I booked us an Airbnb in the mountains for Memorial day weekend.”

Your lips turned up just marginally and Robby watched as Dana prepped the IV behind you, “Will there be a hot tub?”

Robby laughed, “Yes, there will be a hot tub and it has an excellent view.”

“That’s good,” You seemed to be relaxing a bit more now, eyes barely opened, muscles deflating, “Because I bought a new bikini last week. I must’ve known subconsciously I would need it.”

He hummed, Dana was getting very close to inserting the needle, “What color is it?”

“It’s blue,” You licked your lips, “I know how you like me in blue.”

He smirked, “I like you in every color.” He said, and at the same time Dana inserted the needle. You jumped just a little, but you weren’t crying anymore.

“All done, sweetheart.” Dana said softly and took off the tourniquet, “You did great.”

Dana left the room, giving them some privacy, and Robby sat in the dark with you for a few minutes.

“You should get back to your patients,” You said, eyes closed.

He watched you carefully, “I’m going to refer you to a neurologist in the hospital. I’ll make sure an appointment gets scheduled where I can go with you. Okay?”

You swallowed and kept your eyes closed, “Okay.”

He leaned over and kissed you lightly, “I love you, I’ll be back in a bit to check on you.”

“Okay, love you.”

And so, you had gone to that appointment and had been prescribed Aimovig, a medication that needed to be injected once a month. You had tried to argue your way out of it, but the neurologist insisted it would be your best bet at reducing the number of episodes.

“Baby,” Michael whispered to you, “I can do it for you every time, I promise—“

“You don’t know what I’m like when—“ You sighed, cutting yourself off, “I was in so much pain the last time in the ER, I couldn’t put up much of a fight. What if I hurt you or something?”

He laughed, “You think I’ve never had a combative patient before?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “I’m your wife.”

He leaned in closely, his nose brushing against the shell of your ear, “Can we just try it, honey? It might work so well you find it worth it.”

You swallowed tightly and then clapped your hands together. “Fine.”

Robby had given you the first shot there in the neurologist’s office. The neurologist had left the room.

You were already beginning to shake, watching as Robby put on a pair of gloves.

“I’m going to inject it in the back of your arm, so you’re not going to see me do it.”

You felt a wet cotton pad on the back of your arm, “Now, I want you to try something for me.” He said, and you heard the cap of the injection pop off, “Could you sing our first dance song for me?”

You gave a short laugh of surprise, “You’re serious?”

“Humor me.”

Against your will, you were smiling already. Your wedding had been dreamy and romantic, everything you had wanted. You were married, just the two of you, a photographer, and an ordained minister at the top of a mountain. You had both read your vows through tears. Later, you had dinner and dancing in a garden at the base of the mountain with your friends and family. Your first dance had been to Time After Time, but a more acoustic version of it sung by Lennon Stella. The original version with Cyndi Lauper had played in a bar on one of your first few dates and you had had to coax Michael to the dance floor with you. It had been your first dance then and at your wedding. You had thought yourself very clever for that, but you had kept that secret between you and Michael.

“Fine, but only if you sing it with me.”

He chuckled, “Deal.”

You say go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds If you’re lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting Time after time

You winced at the sting of the needle and your heart rate picked up, “Keep singing.” Michael urged.

If you’re lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting Time after time

As you both finished singing the second chorus, you felt Michael place a bandaid to your arm, “There you go,” He said and gently turned you to face him, “That wasn’t so bad, hm?”

Thirty days had passed since and Michael kept forgetting to help you with the second injection.

“Honey, I am so sorry.” He said that morning, rushing through the house to get ready for shift, “Why don’t you stop by the ER this afternoon and I’ll do it on my lunch break?”

You laughed, not looking up from the novel perched in your hand. It was a Saturday and you were sat at the kitchen table, eating a bagel and sipping your coffee slowly, dressed in only one of Robby’s old T-shirts.

“You forget I have been to the ER,” You swallowed the bagel in your mouth, “I know you don’t get a lunch break, baby.”

He leaned down to kiss you and as he pulled away, booped your nose, “Don’t be a smart ass. Bring the Aimovig and call Dana when you get there, she’ll come find me.”

“Yes, sir.” You mock saluted him and he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t forget it needs to be taken out of the fridge at least 30 minutes before injection.”

“I know.” You said, not looking up from your book.

He paused at the doorway of your home, looking down the entryway, he could see you perched at the kitchen table, your legs pulled tight to your chest. He never understood how you could sit comfortably like that, “You’ll come, right?” He asked, one AirPod in his hand, the other already in his ear, “You won’t pretend that you forgot?”

You looked up from your book to meet his gaze, the beginnings of a smirk on your face. Slowly, you looked to the clock on the wall, “You’re gonna be late.”

He sighed and lightly knocked the heel of his hand against the doorway, “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“I love you, have a good day!” You shouted after him.

“Love you too,” He replied, closing the door behind him.

***

“Dana,” Robby leaned over the desk at the hub, “My wife may be stopping by at some point today, could you come find me when she gets here?”

“Yeah, sure, everything okay?”

He nodded, “She was prescribed Aimovig for her migraines, I told her to come here so I could inject it for her.”

“Why don’t you just do it at home?”

He sighed heavily, “Because I keep forgetting and I think she keeps allowing me to forget to keep delaying it.”

Dana smirked as they began doing rounds, “If she’s delaying it, what makes you think she’d come here of her own free will?”

“She told me she would,” He shrugged, “I can’t keep treating her like a patient or a rebellious child, I can tell it’s getting on her nerves. She said she would come so I’m taking her at her word.”

“Fair enough.” Dana said, “I’ll let you know when she gets here.”

“Thank you.”

***

When you walked into the ER waiting room, you immediately felt your anxiety tick up. Walking to the window, you knocked sharply to get Lupe’s attention. You gave her a wave and a smile and she waved you through, unlocking the double doors that led to the ER.

Taking a deep breath, you exhaled shakily as you walked over to the hub where you saw Dana.

“How’s my sister wife doing today?” You asked playfully. You knew about the running joke that Dana was Robby’s work wife. When you found out about it, Robby had worried it would make you jealous, but you had only laughed and joked that you always wanted a sister wife.

Dana looked up and smiled, “Mrs. Robinavitch, we weren’t sure you’d show.”

“Ah,” You leaned against the hub, “You mean my husband didn’t believe me when I said I would come.”

“Oh, can you blame him, kid?”

You clasped your hands tightly in front of you to try and stop the shaking, “Did you know he told me to come in during his ‘lunch break’?”

Dana laughed loudly, “Lunch break? He’s lucky if he has time to stop and take a piss.”

You chuckled, “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“Alright, let me go find him, you wait here.”

You nodded, letting the smile fall from your face as Dana left. You were very good at covering up your anxiety when you needed to be, but your breathing trembled and your hands still shook.

“Hey,” A warm hand settled on your shoulder, squeezing lightly, “I’m glad you came.”

You turned to see your husband, “Well, don’t sound so surprised. You asked me to come, I said I would, so I’m here.”

He smiled, “Alright, follow me.”

You trailed behind him through the chaos of the ER.

“Dr. Robby!” You turned at the sound of your husband’s nickname to see what looked like a resident running after him.

“Not now,” He said quickly.

“But, I need—“

“Go ask literally anyone else, I will be with you shortly, Dr. Santos.”

You followed behind him into what you recognized to be the family room. He sighed deeply as he closed the door behind you, muffling the din of the ER.

“I can wait here for you,” You said softly, “If you need to go deal with that.”

“No,” He said and turned to you, smiling, “You have my undivided attention.”

You smiled tightly, “Great.”

“Oh, come on,” He cradled your face gently in his hands and you closed your eyes at his touch, “It’ll be over before you know it. I’ll be very gentle.”

Your eyes watered, but you nodded.

“Did you bring the Aimovig?”

You nodded again, reaching into your bag for it, but your hands were still shaky and as you pulled it out, it fell from your hands. Robby caught it in his hand, eyes focused on you the way they always did when he was worried about you.

“Why don’t you sit down over here?” He guided you gently to a chair, “I brought you some treats.” He pulled out a Polar seltzer can and a small package of Nutter Butters.

You managed a small smile as you took the Seltzer can from him and popped it open, “Thank you.”

He pulled on a pair of gloves while you focused on your breathing, barely taking a sip from your seltzer.

“No Nutter Butters?” He asked mildly, “I thought they were your favorite.”

You take in a shaky breath, “They are, but I am pretty nauseous at the moment. Wouldn’t want to start puking in your ER.”

“I can have Dana grab you some anti nausea meds.”

“No,” You said, “I’ll be fine once it’s done.”

He sat on a stool and rolled over to you, sliding between your knees, “Take a deep breath for me?”

“Michael, I don’t need a diagnosis, I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on with me.”

“Come on, I’ll do it with you,” He slid a hand to your inner knee, “Deep breath.”

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Michael breathed with you, and though you hated to admit it, it was soothing to hear the sound of his breathing in sync with yours. The weight of his hand on your knee and the light circles his thumb made against you grounding.

“Better?”

You nodded, “A little.”

“Good, turn around for me?”

You straddled the back of the chair, taking a deep breath as you felt the wet cotton pad against your skin, “How’s your day so far?” You asked.

He chuckled, “You want to know about my day right now?”

“You act like I never ask you,” You sighed, “I’m asking for you to distract me so I don’t have a full blown panic attack. Who was that resident earlier? I haven’t seen her before.”

“Dr. Santos? New intern.” He pinched the muscle in the back of your arm between two of his fingers and you heard the cap on the injection clatter to the floor. “She’s good. Smart. Observant. Sometimes too ambitious for her own good. More empathetic than people give her credit for.”

You groaned quietly feeling the prick of the needle in your skin, exhaling shakily.

“Just another second, you’re doing so good, baby... And, done.” You felt the bandaid on your skin and heard the snap of Michael’s gloves as he tossed them in the trash.

Then his hands were on you, turning you to look at him, “Hey, you did it. You okay?”

You nodded, your anxiety leaving you in a rush. You felt Robby’s hands on your face again and you leaned into him, “You said I did good?”

He laughed, “Very good,” He grabbed the Nutter Butters and opened the packaging, “Eat.”

Just then the family room door opened and you recognized Dr. Mohan at the door, “Oh, um, Mrs. Robinavitch, I—I didn’t know you were here, sorry to interrupt, I—“

“What do you need, Mohan?” Michael asked and you tried to hide your laugh. It was always like this with the residents. Something about seeing you with Robby really flustered them. You listened as they spoke about a patient and then Mohan was gone.

“What do you do to your residents that they look so goddamn scared whenever they see you with me?”

He rolled his eyes, “Eat your cookie, please, I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on you.”

“You’re insufferable when you baby me.” You said, but took a bite of the cookie anyway.

He kissed the top of your head on his way out, “Complain all you want, I know you like it.”

You smirked as you watched him head back into the ER, Dr. Mohan following him closely.

With Michael gone and your anxiety leaving you, you fully took in the Nutter Butters and seltzer. Your favorite cookies and favorite drink.

You had always been annoyed by his insistence to get you treatment for your migraines. It wasn’t like he had been the first partner of yours to suggest you see a doctor, but he was the first to not give up, despite your stubbornness.

He had pushed, but he had never made you do anything you didn’t agree to. And now, in the face of your silly phobia, he had cared for you with no judgment, and thought to bring your favorite snacks in even in the chaos of his work day.

Obviously, he loved you very much. It had never been up for question, you knew the reason he was so stubborn was because he cared about you and hated seeing you in pain. But still, sometimes, it was nice to be reminded.

After a few minutes, true to his word, Michael returned.

“Feeling better?”

“Much.” You said, and reached for his hand, pulling him down to sit next to you, “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course.” He smiled at you, “You’re not lightheaded or dizzy?”

“No,” You said and held up the cookie wrapper, “The cookies really helped.”

His grin widened, “Good. You’re cleared to go home, then.” He kissed your forehead and then stood to go, but you pulled him back down.

“If I’m not gonna see you for another six to seven hours, I’m gonna need a better kiss than that.” You smirked.

He chuckled, but seemed happy to humor you, taking your face in his hands he kissed you, long and slow. He slipped his tongue into your mouth, keeping you anchored to him with a hand at the back of your neck. Your toes curled in your shoes when he sucked your lower lip into his mouth and bit down gently.

As he pulled away, just slightly, you were still leaning into him for more, “Was that better?” He asked, cocky grin on his face.

You cleared your throat, sure you were blushing, “Yeah, that was fine.”

“Well I gotta get back to it now. I’ll see you at home?”

“Um, I have dinner plans with some friends in town so I might be back later than you, but yes.”

He nodded, “Okay,” He kissed your forehead again, “Be careful. I love you.”

“Always. I love you. Make sure you eat something, please.”

He nodded to acknowledge he’d heard you, and then he was gone, back in the thick of it.

[strangunddurm]

SOMEONE, SOMEDAY, SOMEWHERE [1]

MICHAEL ‘ROBBY’ ROBINAVITCH x F!READER

masterlist || next >>

wc: 5.2k

Warnings: f!reader, alcohol, flirting, strangers to lovers, age gap (explicitly mentioned) oral (fem receiving), fingering, squirting (and drinking it 🫣), p in v, robby is kinda freaky but also pretty smooth

A/N: I’ve been playing with this idea since about halfway through ynmn, so it’s been brewing for a while. this chapter truly is mostly smut, but there is a purpose for it, i swear. anyway, yeah, queue the grey’s anatomy theme music.

─── ⋆⋅ general taglist form

Unpacking the last of the boxes is such an incredible feat that Jesse deems it worthy of celebrating—as in taking you to his favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant, paying for your meal, and then your first drink of the night celebrating. 

The drink is actually bought at the bar he sometimes goes to after work. While he claims he’s brought you here with the purpose of helping you get to know the area, you have a feeling it has more to do with the cute guitarist who is apparently a regular at open mic night. 

As soon as the shaggy-haired, flannel-wearing man steps up on stage, Jesse is flashing you a smile, telling you to have fun, then disappearing into the small crowd. 

“Try to relax and let loose while you still can,” he had advised, “it’ll be a while before you’re able to find the time again.”

You do not doubt him, one because your older cousin hasn’t lied to you since the two of you were kids and he stole your favorite beanie baby, and two, because Jesse has been a nurse at the hospital you’re about to start at for several years now. If anyone knows how hectic it can get, it’s him. 

Even after being warned of the storm you’re about to run into head first, you’re still excited to begin your fellowship at Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center. It may not be a top hospital, but the experience you’ll gain from working there is truly unmatched. Jesse has told you that the number of head injuries, cerebral vascular events, and seizures he sees daily is astounding. 

Once the offer had been made, there was no question of where you wanted to go. 

The rum and coke you’re nursing is a touch too strong for your liking, but the buzz you get after just one is pleasant—not quite tipsy, but a little less stiff than before. One more oughta do it. 

Before you can flag down the bartender, you sense someone step up beside you, a man standing a respectable distance away as he motions to the vacant seat on your right. 

“Would you mind if I…?”

“No, yeah, of course!” you respond quickly, attempting to scoot a little more to the side without toppling over. 

The man chuckles at the effort and enthusiasm (due to the drink you just finished) then swings a leg over the stool and leans forward over the bartop. 

“Thanks,” he offers, a single syllable that sounds a lot like gravel. 

You grin, “no problem,” then turn forward again to get the bartender’s attention as she passes. 

“Another rum and coke?” she asks, eyes flicking to the stranger next to you and greeting him, “hey, Robby. Same as usual?” 

He—Robby—nods, turning his head in your direction the tiniest bit then giving it a slight jerk, “I’ll get hers, too, for invading her space.”

“Oh, no, you really don’t have to!”

Shrugging his shoulders, he shows a small smile of his own, “consider it my good deed for the day.”

You open your mouth to protest more, but a raised eyebrow stops you, a strange, silent admonishment that makes the back of your neck prickle in a not unpleasant way. 

Now that you’re getting a closer look at him, you realize that he’s… well, he’s kind of…

Exactly your type, actually. 

“If you insist,” you concede, trying not to look too pleased (or interested). “I appreciate it.”

The bartender is quick to make and deliver your drinks, setting two napkins down followed by two rocks glasses. 

Robby raises his to you, and you clink yours with it while asking, “what’s the occasion?”  When you take a drink you hiss at the taste, this one even stronger than the last. 

Robby mimics the action, though he doesn’t make the same face after swallowing, just answers, “made it through another day. That’s the occasion.”

You don’t really know how to take it other than for what it is, and without a response lined up, all you can really do is look over at him, finding a pair of tired brown eyes staring back. 

It’s been two fucking minutes, and this guy has already captured your attention. Maybe you’re getting ahead of yourself, but you can easily see yourself performing the walk of shame in the morning, maybe even later tonight. 

With a little smirk, you remind him, “a few more hours left. A  lot of things can still go wrong.”

A beat of silence passes, and you see Robby’s gaze flick down to your mouth for half a second. 

“A lot of things can go right, too.”

Oh no. Ohh no. You did not have this on tonight's itinerary. 

He takes another sip, and you swear you can see him smile around the rim of the glass. 

This is all Jesse’s fault. 

“I hope it all goes well for you, then,” you try, and you really do mean it, whether you’re there for it or not. The guy, attractive as he is, looks worn out, and you absolutely believe that ‘getting through the day’ is worthy of a toast.

Not that you’re strangers for long. You introduce yourself, first name only of course, and he does the same. 

“I know,” you tell him, realize that it sounds creepy as hell, and explain, “the bartender greeted you by name.”

“Eavesdropping?” he questions, a subtle teasing lilt to his otherwise deep voice. 

You laugh, roll your eyes, “kinda hard not to pick up on. You’re sitting right next to me.”

“Oh, sorry, should I go?” His eyes may be tired, but there’s still a knowing sort of gleam in them. 

He’s good. 

Waiting for a couple seconds as to not sound desperate, you take a drink before answering, “I never said that.”

Robby hums and turns his attention back to his glass like he’s thinking. It gives you a chance to do a quick and appreciative head-to-toe sweep of him. 

Blue hoodie, white T-shirt underneath, dark cargo pants, sneakers that are well-worn but not falling apart. There’s some white in his hair around the temples, a bit in his beard as well, so he’s definitely older than you, probably by at least 15 years. 

It shouldn’t turn you on, but you’ve always been into older men, though so far it’s only led to trouble (with a boss and one of your professors in undergrad). Truly, it’s a problem. 

You didn’t sleep with them to get ahead or receive special treatment. There were genuine feelings involved—on your part, at least. They, however, were just happy to have a piece of ass to manipulate. 

So really, you should not be interested in Robby at all. Like, at all. 

But he’s swirling his rocks glass in what look like strong hands. Very strong… Thick fingers… And, it kinda looks like he’s fighting a smile, so there is no way you’re being subtle, and this night is definitely gonna end with beard-burn somewhere on your body and hopefully an orgasm or two. 

“What made today so rough?” you ask, an attempt at small talk to distract yourself from your own thoughts. 

Robby turns his head toward you again, takes a deep breath, “don’t take this the wrong way, but I would rather talk about literally anything else.”

Not rude—in fact, it sounds almost pleading. 

“That’s fair,” you nod, “anything in particular you wanna share, then?”

He chuckles then glances over his shoulder, “not really. I do want to know who you’re here with, though.”

Time for another sip of your drink. 

“Can’t a girl just come to drink alone at a dive bar?” 

“Did you?” he humors you. 

“No, of course not.” You risk looking at him again, swallow before boldly delivering, “only reason a girl does that is if she’s looking to get laid.”

Suddenly, Robby looks much more awake. He stares at you for a moment as if trying to read you, then laughs through his nose and shakes his head. 

“You’re fuckin’ trouble, aren’t you?” 

The drinks must be hitting you a little harder than you thought, because you’re quick to answer, “depends on if you’re trying to find out or not.”

You’ve gotten more confident with age, but it’s very rare for you to be this forward. Rare as in never. You don’t think you’ve ever been this shameless, so what the hell is it about this guy specifically? Are you just taking Jesse’s advice to heart and looking for a good time? Looking to destress before your first day? 

You don’t know. 

What you do know, though, is that the way that Robby is looking at you has your stomach swooping. 

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters. 

It sounds more self-deprecating than anything, but it still makes you nervous that maybe you’re laying it on a little thick, and you try to save yourself some embarrassment by waving it off, giving him an out in case he really is not interested. 

“Sorry, I’m drunk. Feel free to ignore me.”

Robby peers at you, openly skeptical. “How drunk?”

Like he’s checking. Like it’s a deciding factor. 

“Tipsy at best,” you laugh, “probably shouldn’t drive, but still cognizant enough to know exactly what I’m doing.” 

Usually, you stutter during conversations like this, have trouble coming up with the right words, but the alcohol has loosened your tongue the perfect amount, and you’re not upset about it. 

“Yeah? Can you say your ABCs backwards?” He’s teasing you again, more obvious than the last time. 

You grin widely, always happy to show off your party trick. “I can actually—z, y, x, w, v, u, t,” and so on. 

By the time you hit ‘A’, Robby looks legitimately impressed. 

“Memorized it my freshman year of college just in case a cop asked us to do it.”

“Ah, you were one of those college girls,” he jokes. 

It sort of rubs you the wrong way. Not enough to reconsider fucking him, but enough to have to bite back a lecture about college being the first place most women are actually allowed some semblance of autonomy and that there’s nothing wrong with experimentation and liberation. 

However, “no, I really wasn’t,” because you weren’t, too busy pining after your fucking biology professor. “But, even if I was, it would have been a perfectly valid choice.”

Robby tilts his head to the side, a crease between his eyebrows, surprises you when he apologizes, “yeah, you’re right. Sorry—I didn’t… I can be an asshole sometimes,” and goddammit he actually looks remorseful. 

“I can be too,” you offer. 

He hums like he’s not sure about it then tells you as much, “I don’t believe that,” downs the rest of his drink then knocks you off your fucking feet when he adds, “not possible to be an asshole with a face like yours.”

Your eyes widen, “m-my face? What about it?” 

Robby looks extremely smug with your reaction, then takes it a step further when he reaches for you, slowly enough for you to pull away if you want, and when you don’t he gently takes you by the chin, rotating your head to one side, then the next, like he’s examining you. 

Your surroundings blur from how dilated your pupils get, entirely focused on him, and when Robby turns you to face him again, his eyes travel down to your mouth, thumb applying just enough pressure to make your lips part. 

It is a miracle that you don’t moan out loud. 

“Yeah,” he nods and releases you, sitting back on his stool as if he didn’t just turn your entire mind to mush.  “Impossible to be anything but sweet—wholesome, even.”

Oh. Oh, this is a challenge, you realize. The way he’s grinning, he wants you to prove him wrong. 

God, he is good. 

“And, you say I’m trouble,” you somehow find the brain cells to reply. 

Robby chuckles, takes his eyes off you for a moment to catch the bartender’s attention and makes a cutting motion over his neck. Close me out. 

“So,” attention back on you, “you ready to go?”

You wish you had something snarky to say, ‘very presumptuous of you’ or ‘I just told you I’m not one of those girls’, anything really. 

But, you don’t. Not even close. You don’t even answer verbally, just slide off your stool and turn toward the door. 

His hand is splayed across the small of your back about two seconds later, and then you’re both stepping out into the the breezy, summer night. 

•

You frantically push the zip-up hoodie from Robby’s broad shoulders until he tugs it off his arms the rest of the way. Shoes are kicked off at the door that he’s holding you against, his mouth moving with yours when he reaches for the waistband of your flowy little shorts and begins to pull them down. You finish the job for him, and as soon as you’re free of them, Robby forces a surprised giggle from you when he lifts you off the ground. 

Mouths still attached, your words are muffled and breathless when you tell him, “this may—mm—come as a surprise but,” you have to pause when he sinks his teeth into your bottom lip, sucks, then lets go of it. 

“But you don’t do this often?” he finishes for you, and you’re pleased that he sounds just as short on oxygen as you. “Yeah, neither do I. It’s been—shit, can’t grind on me like that when I’m trying to think,” he chuckles. 

You hum, stop moving your hips only to distract him in the form of sucking a mark just beneath the collar of his shirt. 

“You were saying?” you prompt, nipping at his collarbone. 

Robby swears again, gets to what you can only assume is his bedroom in just a few long strides, and you let out a yelp when he tosses you on the mattress. The fear of falling is immediately soothed when he climbs to hover over you. 

Reaching up with one hand, Robby  wraps his fingers around both of your wrists, keeps them pinned in place. It isn’t tight enough to hurt, and it doesn’t feel threatening, just a modest display of who’s in charge. 

For now. 

“I was saying,” Robby picks up, “that I don’t usually do this either,” presses his lips to your jaw just below your ear, and you can feel him smile, “it’s been fucking years since I’ve picked up a girl in a bar.”

“Sorry to break your streak.”

“I’m not.” 

His beard against your neck makes you shiver, your legs squeezing where they’re wrapped around his waist. 

“You know I’m probably twice your age,” he grumbles, and he doesn’t doesn’t stop the graze of his teeth against your skin, but he does slow down, his hold on your wrists loosening a bit as if he’s expecting you to get up and leave. 

It’s hard not to laugh and impossible to keep a crooked grin from spreading across your flushed face. 

“I’m older than I look,” you assure. It is not uncommon for people to mistake you for being quite a bit younger than you are, so Robby’s trepidation is understandable. 

He doesn’t reply, and you know he wants—possibly needs—to know for his own comfort, just doesn’t want to ask outright. 

Lucky for him, you are a merciful being (and maybe a little endeared). 

“Thirty, alright? Does that set your mind at ease?”

Robby chuckles and, to your dismay, rolls off of you and onto his back. Your disappointment is short lived when he pulls you on top of him, thank God, so that your legs straddle his hips. 

He looks almost fond when he brushes a piece of hair away from your face. 

“Alright, so just a twenty year age gap, not too bad,” he rolls his eyes, still smiling, but you can tell that he’s a little self-conscious by the way he won’t look at you directly. 

Not until you lean over him, hips rolling against his, and say the only thought running through your mind: “fuck, that’s hot.”

Definitely wasn’t expecting that judging by the way his jaw drops open. 

The shock doesn’t last long, and soon he’s sliding his hand around the back of your neck and tugging you down into another bruising kiss. 

It’s all grinding and groaning from there, his tongue in your mouth, your fingers in his hair, and somewhere along the way you both manage to strip down to your underwear. 

Your bra has been flung into some unknown void, but your panties are still on, wet with slick as well as Robby’s spit as he licks you through the material. One of your legs is thrown over his shoulder, your heel digging into his back in an attempt to pull him closer and encourage him to stop fucking around, but all he does is run a finger between your still-covered folds and just barely push against your drenched panties to tease your entrance. 

“Robby, I swear to God, if you don’t shove your tongue inside of me right now, I will get up and leave.” It does not come out nearly as stern as you wanted it to, more of a whine than anything. 

You feel his breath against you, a huff of amusement punctuated by a taunting kiss. 

Going home with this man was a mistake. He is definitely going to kill you, just not in the psycho axe murderer way. 

“Fine, fine, but just so you know, you sound real fucking cute whining for me like that.”

You did not think it possible to get any wetter, yet— “you are dripping, sweetheart, fuck.”

Robby doesn’t actually shove his tongue inside of you, but he does slide his middle finger into your clenching hole, thrusts a couple times before adding his ring alongside it. 

And because of that age gap, because of his experience, he finds your g-spot without any issue, rubs against it with dizzying precision, then lowers his mouth to your clit. 

Your eyes go wide, gasp in a sort of panic and try to squirm away, “fuck—wait—”

His free hand clamps down on your hip to keep you in place, but he does raise dark brown eyes to meet yours, giving you his attention but not breaking away even a little. 

“I—if you keep, fuckfuck—I don’t wanna ruin y-your mattress…”

Robby’s groan travels through you like lightning, his eyes rolling like the idea of soaked fucking sheets turns him on. 

He lifts his head just enough to croak, “please fucking do, for the love of God—”

You laugh (feels like you’re doing a lot of that tonight) and relax some but still try to shove his head back. 

“At least move so, like… not in your mouth.”

“Yes, in my fucking mouth, are you kidding me?” He’s all rasp, no real inflection, and it’s your turn to be shocked. 

It’s not that—you’ve slept with guys who’ve enjoyed the… mess you have been known to make from time to time, but so far their participation has only involved their fingers (aside from the biology professor who introduced you to the wonderful world of g-spot wands). 

His mouth, though. His… he…

You blink down at him, brain slowly wrapping around the fact that Robby wants you to squirt in his fucking mouth.

Who is this guy, who even—Jesus Christ, Jesus fucking Christ. 

“Hey,” Robby pulls you out of your spiral, slides his fingers out of your pussy to let you focus, only he sends you straight into another crisis when he just shoves them into his mouth. “If you do not want to, that’s fine. I’m just saying you don’t have to worry about it. At all. I would love nothing fucking more than for you,” your hips buck when he kisses your clit, “to let me taste,” flicks it gently with his tongue, “all of you.”

This man. 

“I need you to realize the gravity of the situation,” you start, chest heaving. 

“What’s that, honey?” He traces from your fluttering hole up to your clit. Again and again, making your legs twitch every time. 

“That… fu—” You have to grab his hand to get him to stop, look him dead in the eye when you tell him unabashedly, “that if you keep going like this, you are going to ruin me for any other man.”

You may never see Robby again, but you already know you will remember this encounter for a very, very long time. 

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a bad thing to me.”

Any protest you had dies in your throat when he slowly shakes his head from side to side, dragging his beard over your slick cunt, and all you can do is fall flat on your back and let out what might be the sluttiest moan in all of history. 

“There we go—now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

His fingers thrust back inside of you, even more persistent than before as he sucks on your clit, and it doesn’t take long at all for the pressure between your hips to grow, to burn, to fill you up, and fuck, the noises your pussy is making could be dubbed into a fucking pornhub video. 

Toes curling, you start to tremble and whimper and gasp his name, and when Robby suddenly yanks his fingers out of you, your back arches and you—

Right onto Robby’s tongue, and you don’t know when he swapped it for his thumb, but the pad of his finger is rubbing circles on your clit as he swallows and licks, and is that slurping? 

You might be crying. The way your breath hiccups in your chest feels a lot like a sob, but it morphs into a whimper and then something much louder and higher in pitch when Robby plunges his fingers back inside of you. 

He has to be pent up. Repressed. Something. There’s no way this is just something he does. 

He does for you, though. Multiple times. Until his face is a mess and his chest is glistening with moisture and you’re fucking dehydrated. 

“That…” you’re still trying to catch your breath, “what is wrong with you?” you sound a little wild, out of control, can’t even fucking see straight. 

Robby grins, lets his head hang and you see his shoulders shake with laughter. When he looks back up at you, his face is beet red. 

“So many fucking things,” he tells you, “but this isn’t one of ‘em.” 

If he kisses your clit one more time, you’re going to perish. 

“Need me to wash my face?” he asks while crawling up your quivering body, and aside from the roughness of his voice he sounds so composed. Has he already forgotten what he just did to you? Does he have goddamn worms in his brain or something? 

“As long as I get to make you cum in some capacity, I don’t care what you do,” you wave. 

“Hmm,” he lowers himself, braced on his forearms, absolutely filthy. “So you won’t mind the taste of—”

Robby grunts when you tug him down to you, close enough for you to lick his lips, suck the lower into your mouth. 

The flavor is odd. Interesting. You’re not sure you’d want a mouthful of it, but Robby sure did, and that fact alone is enough to make your eyes roll into the back of your skull. 

He deepens the kiss, and it’s sloppy and desperate and you are positive that you have never been this keyed up before, this hot for someone. 

It is a mind-altering experience. 

“Fuck, nightstand,” Robby pants, getting to his knees to work his boxer briefs down, a dark blue that has a sizeable wet spot on the front from where he’s been drooling precum this entire time. 

“You don’t want me to…” you nod toward him, then feel your eyes bulge when he frees his cock and you see how—is pretty the right word? Aesthetically pleasing? 

Long and thick with a couple veins running up the length, his tip is dripping pre, and fuck it. Already sitting up to grab a condom, you’re able to move quickly, bending forward to suck and lick everything that’s leaking from him. 

Robby has sworn many times through the evening, but this time he actually shouts his expletive of choice, a loud, “fuck!” being the only warning you get before his hand is in your hair, tugging you off his cock and back onto the bed. 

With a wild look in his eyes, Robby grits, growls, “you better get that condom on me in the next few seconds, or I’m gonna end up fucking you raw.”

Your eyelids flutter, but you can’t ignore your newfound power. Gripping his cock, you run his tip over your sopping cunt, going as far as lining it up with your entrance and taking the slightest bit before letting go. 

Robby’s face is so fucking close to yours, you can’t actually look at him without going cross-eyed. He lowers his mouth to yours but doesn’t kiss you, just speaks low and even, “put the fucking condom on me.”

He leaves no room for argument. Fuck, the way he’s staring down at you, you don’t even want to argue. 

Taking in a shaky breath, you both sit back up, and your hands tremble as you rip the foil open, rolling the latex over Robby’s twitching cock with clumsy fingers. 

He makes sure it’s where it needs to be, then lays you back down, and as he slowly guides himself into you, you lock eyes and something about it makes the entire atmosphere change. 

That wild energy is replaced with something no less intense but not nearly as frantic. 

Robby is patient as he feeds you every inch of his cock, “just like that—relax, sweetheart, there we go,” soft, appreciative, and unwavering in his gaze. 

You stare right back, mouth open in a silent moan as he bottoms out. 

“I f-feel—ng…”

“What? You feel what?” he asks, lightly tracing a finger along your jawline, and a shiver runs through your body. 

“F-full—oh, god,” you pant, then whine for him when he cants his hips forward the slightest bit. 

Robby hushes you, his lips on your cheek when he murmurs, “I’ve got you, just breathe for me. And, tell me if it hurts.”

You nod in agreement, whisper back, “doesn’t hurt… promise…”

“Good,” he starts to pull out, gives a shallow thrust and swallows your pathetic little mewl. 

The next kiss is deep and slow, just like his pace. It pulls you in like a riptide, suffocating but soothing. 

And, you’ve heard that when a person drowns, there’s a moment of peace that’s described as almost euphoric. It could just be that you’re emotionally vulnerable after everything that’s happened so far; you’re most definitely high on endorphins, but that thought still runs through your head—the euphoria of drowning brought on by a kiss. 

Robby eventually leans back, keeps moving inside of you steady and perfect while staring down at you, and you think his eyes look a lot like yours feel, a little too wide, a little too worried but glazed with something you don’t have a name for. 

He lets himself fall close again when you reach to hold his face. His thrusts speed up, cock hitting every sensitive spot imaginable and punching tiny sounds from your lungs. 

“This… fuck,” grunted while moving his own hands to cradle your head in a way that is far too intimate. “You feel so fucking good.” 

There’s something undeniably wrecked about it. It could be the way it tumbles from his mouth all at once, or maybe it’s the groan that follows. Whatever it is, it makes you hold him tighter, kiss him harder, and he responds in kind. 

The whole thing gives you whiplash. You don’t understand how the two of you went from near animalistic to this—to grinning sideways while switching positions, little laughs caught between lips. It turned on a dime, and fuck, you can’t decide which you enjoy more. 

You bounce on his cock, Robby helping you with a guiding hand then moving you back and forth when you’re fully seated. It has him grinding against that spot inside you again, has you throwing your head back and moaning his name, has him telling you how good you take him and how gorgeous you are as he plays with your clit, and you decide that it’s okay to fall in love for a single night. Just a few hours and then it’ll blend into the past. 

Or, it won’t. Maybe you’ll exchange numbers and meet up for coffee, maybe you’ll actually tell one another about yourselves, maybe it doesn’t have to be just a few hours. 

Robby sits up, leads one of your legs around his waist and then the other. A hand on the small of your back, a forearm spanning from one shoulder to the opposite—he supports you while bucking up into you. 

Bodies pressed together at every possible point of contact, all you can do is watch each other through half-lidded eyes as you both start to fall apart. 

“Touch yourself for me,” he rasps, “come on, baby, help me make you cum.”

You work an arm between rolling hips, and though the angle is a little awkward, you’re still able to swipe fingers over your swollen clit. The added stimulation makes you clench around him, makes him fuck into you harder. 

The longer it goes on, the louder you get, and even with Robby’s lips pressed against yours, you can’t silence yourself as you unravel on and around him. 

Your whole body is quaking. With your hand still stuck between the two of you, every thrust brings with it a bolt of overstimulation that has your eyes watering until, at last, Robby holds you in his lap, the condom catching everything that would have should have spilled deep inside of you. 

There’s panting and staring then kissing and grinning. Tender, trembling fingers tracing the curve of your cheek as you smooth out the crease between his eyebrows. 

“That was…” he starts. 

“Intense,” you finish. 

Several more minutes pass before you both find the strength to get into the shower—not something you would normally do with a hookup, but this is no ordinary one night stand. That’s for sure. 

The warm spray hits your front as Robby’s warm body presses against you from behind, his hands on your hips, face against your hair, and you rinse off in a bit of a daze. 

It’s not uncomfortable, but it is slightly unsettling. Just like slipping into one of his shirts is unsettling. Just like laying on the couch together is unsettling. 

Just like dozing off in his arms is unsettling. 

@thescarletfang @qardasngan @penbridgertonn @collagez @whoaa-nellie @clementinestars @helouitmepipol @ikindier @jaybeebaybee @flofaiiry @omb-lnn @hawkswildfireheart @neonpurplestars89-blog @chippedowlmug @baileythepenguin @madsmray @luvr4miya @maxmegara @hiireadstuff @kmc1989 @blackbirdworks @siciliya @beebeechaos @alexxavicry @spookypeach13 @captainoats @itsdanajane16 @loview321 @favoriteimagines2000 @letstryagaintomorrow @oldermenfucker @therecsblog @theresmorebeyondtheeye @angelkn1ght @catmomstyles3 @kathchuu-pichuu @arrowswithwifi @venusian-entries @lucis-dove @rainmg @hoely-maria @miinbun @soapytorccio

[strangunddurm]

devastationem

Pairing: Michael Robinavich x fem!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Warnings: PinV sex, unprotected sex, fingering, masturbation, swearing, dirty talk, oral! fem receiving, established relationship, age gap (everyone 18+!), angst.

Summary: Your love for Michael ran deep and you thought he loved you. But there was something he never could share with you, and you always wondered why?

A/N: Don't know wtf this is but okay. Also, sex in hospital!

Devastation (n.) - Originates from Medieval Latin devastationem, meaning "ravage, act of devastating; state of being devastated."

Love was your punishment.

You loved him. You had loved him before you really knew what love was; that thing that was tethered in the slim boarder between obsession and adoration. A simple look upon his face was enough for that heart wrenching feeling to start to spread inside of you. It took over like a disease; a virus spreading through your body, infecting you.

You would never be the same as you were before him. It would be impossible. He changed you in ways that you wouldn’t even notice until years later when you looked back upon life. You would never regret it, though. You weren’t ashamed to say that Michael Robinavich was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

Michael was revered. He was the man that all others wished to be. There was not a single thing wrong with him. He was perfect. It wasn’t his fault that you weren’t perfect enough for him. You tried in every way to please him, to make him happy, but you thought it was never enough. You would always end up saying the wrong thing and the brief flicker of perceived disappointment in his eyes as he looked down upon you was devastating. He would always try to hide it but you knew that doubt lingered in his mind over being with you.

Devastation. You loved him so much that it filled you with dread and devastation. Dread because you knew that he could make you do anything. Devastation because you knew that it would all end. One day, whether it was a day or a year or a decade down the line. Death, divorce, desertion. He would leave you and you would be no more.

He didn’t know that though. Not yet. He was blissfully oblivious to the hold he had over you. You wanted to tell him you loved him so much it hurt you. But it was so easy to get lost in his eyes whenever you saw him and courage ran out of you like water as you struggled to find the right words.

You thought him to be intimidating. Intimidating in the way that he looked at you. It wasn’t a mean look. Never mean, just… intimidating. Like he knew you better than you knew yourself. Like he had figured you all out before you’d even opened your mouth and said your first ‘hello’.

The first time you had met Michael Robinavich, you had just taken your first unsure step into adulthood. He was old enough to know better. To not lean into your advances. He entertained you for a brief, brief moment, smiling politely as you flaunted yourself infront of him. He had been kind and cordially, greeting you briefly as your friend introduced you. You weren’t meant to be there that night, having stopped by her house on your way home, having just finished your third year of college. You stayed longer than you should’ve, touched his arm for moments that lingered far longer to be accidental, laughed to hard at any attempt at a joke as he gazed down at you.

You thought you were special. That that look was somehow reserved only for you despite having only shared moments of an evening together. You didn’t know that it was just how he was, how he looked at everybody. He looked at people as if they mattered, as if it was just him and them left on the entire planet. The crows feet around his eyes made him gentler, kinder. It would be too late when you finally figured that out. You would already be so helplessly infatuated with every fiber of his being that it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t matter that you weren’t special, not in the way you thought you were, at least. But you didn’t need to be special. You just needed him to want you. In any capacity.

You kissed him outside of the grocery store a year later. You had seen him wandering the aisles on a Wednesday night after you’d finally moved back to town permanently. You hadn’t planned for it. Didn’t know that he was living in the same neighbourhood as you. Your parents had bought an apartment you would never be able to afford on your own as a graduation present you were too embarrassed to tell anybody about. You wondered when you told him about it, months later, if perhaps he thought you immature. Unable to fend for yourself even in the smallest capacity. Maybe that is what created that hesitation in him. Perhaps that is what made it all worse. It would’ve been easier if you weren’t you.

It was the way he was so kind to you once again. Striking up a conversation, telling you about his long shift and empty fridge. You joked about how he could come over for a meal anytime he wants after a shift if he wants to and his quiet chuckle maybe your face heat. Michael didn’t accept your invitation but he didn’t decline it. It filled you with hope.

You had to stand on the very tip of your toes to place a light kiss against his lips. It was mortifying. An impulse that took over you, that you acted upon without a second of consideration because you were desperate. You needed to feel his skin against yours. His lips upon your lips. It had been all you could think about over the last year. A short night spent playing nice had fuelled more than 365 days of fantasies about his hips pressed against your, his voice heavy in your ear, and imagining the way his tongue would feel as he swiped it up, running it over your most sensitive spot in a way that would make your toes curl and eyes roll. Driven utterly insane by your own mind.

Michael hadn’t let it last long, softly prying your arms from around his neck and you had, in a panic, blamed your ill lapse in judgement on the rush of adrenaline. As much adrenaline a shopping trip at 9P P.M. at night could give you.

You hadn’t seen him for a while after that. You avoided going out around the neighbourhood unless it was completely necessary. You knew he was a doctor of some sort, so he was probably more busy than you would ever be but you didn’t want to risk it.

When you saw him again, you were still too young, still naive, still hopelessly entrance by him, even though a few years had passed. He hadn’t smiled when his eyes locked with yours but he didn’t look away either. Instead, he looked at you as if he remember you fondly in some way. As that naive, young little girl that was too stupid to let a simple crush be just a crush that was never acted upon. As if it brought him enjoyment, you were a story he could laugh over with his friends.

You didn’t talk to him first time, didn’t dare approach him as you done the others. He came to you.

“Can I still come over for dinner?” He asked with a smile and your eyes went wide.

“Dinner?”

“Last time I saw you, you said that I could come over for dinner anytime.”

“You want to come over for dinner?”

“Sure.” The beginning of your end. You wouldn’t be a person after Michael. Not in the sense you had been before. You would belong to him; your mind, your soul, your entire being existed solely for him after that. And you liked it. You had accepted it easily. It was nice to have something to live for.

Love was your punishment for you would never feel true happiness. There would always be insecurities lingering at the corners, doubt permeating any sense of security.

You had moved in with Michael after three years together. Not because he had suggested it, it just happened, after a long eventuality of dinners, late nights, and eventually early mornings.

You were happy. Content in the bliss of simple domesticity that encased you. You were entwined together. But there was a place where you ended and Michael started. The Pitt. Michael didn’t like to talk about his job, not in the way you did. His recanting of days were never specific. Never offered too much detail. He kept you and that part of his life separate and it tore at you. Made you feel like an insignificant part of his life that wasn’t worthy of knowing. You wanted to know. Yearned for it.

Perhaps that is what made you stand there, in front of the ambulance bay of PTMC’s E.R. department. You had been standing there for 10 minutes, staring ahead at the swing doors that were calling out to you but you hadn’t dared move yet. You didn’t know if you should do this, if you wanted to do this. To encroach on his grounds, were he was king felt unjust but just all at once. You deserved this. You deserved to be a part of his life. To know.

It was a calm, organised chaos when you walked through the doors. You assumed it wasn’t a busy day, but not quiet enough for complete stillness.

You didn’t recognise anybody there. The faces of Michael’s colleagues were completely foreign to you, recognising them only because of their scrubs.

You stood there, scanning the crowd when you finally spotted the back of his head looming above the rest. You walked briskly toward him, on a war path, headed toward a war the other party didn’t know they were a part of.

“Michael.” You almost let out a slight giggle over the bewildered look on Michael’s face as he spun around, mid sentence, to look at you. “Am I interrupting?” You raised an eyebrow with a smile.

“Why are you here?” Michael bit out.

“No ‘hello’?”

“Are you hurt?”

“No, I just wanted to see you.” You smiled again, sickly sweet as you looked around him at the blond woman he has previously been talking to. “Hi!”

“Hello?”

You were just about to reach your hand out and introduce yourself when Michael grabbed a hold of your arm, stopping you in your tracks.

“Dana, I’m taking my break.”

“Break? Robby, since when do we have breaks? I-”

“Fifteen minutes.” Michael cut her off as he hauled you along, practically dragging you as he made his way into a quite hallway and into an abandoned office, the door slamming shut behind you.

“What are you doing here?” Michael hissed lowly, still gripping your arm.

“I just wanted to say hi.” You said innocently.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“And why not?”

Michael sighed, running both of his hands through his hair as he looked at the ground.

“I matter. I deserve to know. To be here.” Your voice broke slightly, repeating the mantra that always echoed in your head. You matter, your matter, you matter.

“This is where I work.”

“Obviously.”

“You can’t be here.”

“And why not? You never tell me anything about your job, about the people that you work with! Why can’t you bring yourself to tell me about the place you spend 60 hours a week?”

“I-”

“Why don’t I deserve to know?” You whispered, looking up at him with hurt swimming in your eyes.

“It’s not about deserving. It’s just… complicated.”

“What’s so complicated? Don’t you love me?”

“Stop it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want this. I don’t want you and this shitty, shitty place to be connected in any way.”

“And why not? What’s so wrong with me?”

“Stop pitying yourself. Everything is not about you.”

“It’s obviously about me since you have to hide me from this whole world of yours.” You threw your hands out in exasperation.

“I can’t take this, not today. You shouldn’t have come here.” Michael said the words with finality, not wanting you to keep talking back to him. Not now, not here.

“Fuck! I’m sorry, okay? But can’t you see I’m fucking dying here?” You started to raise your voice. “I just feel like an insignificant spec in your fucking life because you can’t tell me more than whether it was a good or bad day at work? I mean, what the hell, Michael? This isn’t normal. This isn’t what two people in a relationship should be doing. What makes it so hard for you to tell me about your life? Do you-”

“I just don’t want the shit here to become shit at home, too!” You paused as Michael yelled the words back at you. “It’s just… too much sometimes. And I thought if I could just… keep you away from here for once then maybe this would last, because I want this to work. I really want this to work. And nothing has worked before. It always ends. Always. In a shitty way, because of this shitty place that I just can’t-”

“Oh…” You didn’t know what to say, biting your lip as you looked around the small broom closet. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I should’ve… told you- how I felt.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.”

“I love being a doctor. I love my job. It’s my purpose, but it’s just so fucking hard sometimes and I… couldn’t let this ruin us. Not us. Everything else but us.” Michael raised his hands to cup your face, letting his thumbs run across your cheeks.

“I love you, kid. You know that, right?” He looked deep in your eyes as he said those words. You had always loved Michael’s eyes. They were comforting in a way you had never experienced. Looking into them you felt at home. Safe.

“Hey, you know that right?” You nodded. Of course, you nodded because all you had ever believed was that Michael would love you. Did love you.

“I love you, too.”

“Yeah? Good.”

You motioned to your chest, a two curled fingers running down your sternum.

“Love you too much.”

“Don’t think that’s a thing, sweet girl.” He pressed a lingering kiss to your cheek.

“Yes, it hurts. Sometimes.”

“In your chest?” He looked down at you with amusement as you pressed your face into his chest, nodding in admittance.

“Hurts there for me, too, sometimes.” Michael chuckled as he embraced you tighter. “Aren’t we a bunch of fools?”

“You are. You’re a cranky old man that can’t just tell the person he lives with how he feels.” You mumbled into his shirt and Michael laughed again over your words.

“Guess I better work on that.”

“You better.” You hugged him tighter before letting go so you could reach up to kiss him. It was a special kiss. A kiss that spoke more than words could, filled with emotions you couldn’t always quite put your finger on.

Michael kissed you back with just as much passion, peppering a rapid succession of kisses to your lips. Eventually, teeth were almost clashing as both of your hunger grew. You needed to feel close to him, as close as a person could be with anther. You needed to feel him between your legs or you felt like you would die if you were to go without it. Here lies the body of you, whose desire drove you to your early demise; death by lust, forever cursed to feel the pulsing ache between your legs and crave the touch of another, never to be satisfied again by your own.

But you weren’t there yet. Salvation would be delivered onto you this day. Michael was frantic in his movement as he pushed up your shirt so that your breasts became bare for him. He didn’t wait, not even taking a second to admire them, before he let his lips attach themselves to your nipple. He sucked it into his mouth, running his tongue over your stiff peak, earning himself a moan from your mouth.

There was a need in Michael that he had only ever felt with you. You didn’t know it but he had craved your touch for years before he felt it. So he had earned this. Had earned your love. He always had a craving for you, needing to feel you in every way he could. He couldn’t hold back as his hands explored everything that they could. He needed to make it right, to let you feel his love.

Michael’s hand had travelled up along your legs to the apex of your thigh. He made contact with the delicate string of your thong and you gasped into his mouth as he tugged it down your legs so that he could run his fingers over your pussy. You were so wet for him, completely having drenched his fingers in all that was you.

He worked you open slowly, slipping one finger inside of you gently. You clenched around him, becoming even tighter than what you already were.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good.” Michael groaned out into your ear as his lips travelled up and down your neck.

It didn’t take him long before he slipped another finger into you and you couldn’t help the moan that slipped out. He stretched you out slowly, making sure you would be ready to take him. All of him.

“Shh…” Michael hushed you, placing his free hand over your mouth in an attempt to quiet you. Your breath came out in short pants against his palm as you tried to control yourself.

Michael curled his two fingers in a come hither motion, stroking your silky walls to bring you closer to the pleasure you craved so much.

“Gotta be quick, sweetheart, but let me taste you.”

Michael dropped to his knees before you, urging you to take a seat on top of the desk behind you, causing some paperwork to fall to the floor, before parting your legs even more so that his shoulders could fit between them. He held your skirt up, bunching it around your hips with his eager hands before digging his fingers into your thighs, hauling one of them onto his shoulder, and connecting his mouth to your sweet cunt.

The quiet sounds of your breathless moans was intoxicating as he suckled your clit into his mouth before flicking his tongue over the stiff nubb.

Your knees fought against his shoulders as your hand came to cover your mouth, willing any sounds to stay inside of you as you bit down softly in an attempt to control yourself.

You fought to keep your eyes open as your hips moved up and down in a desperate attempt to grind your aching clit against his mouth and nose in search for that perfect sensation that would drive you over the edge.

Your hand slid into Michael’s hair, gliding through it before grasping a firm hold of it as a wave of pleasure ran its course through your body.

Michael had already made you come once when he slid his fingers into you, continuing his ministrations on your clit with his mouth. His movement were much rougher than what they had been before, thrusting them into you expertely, hitting that sweet spot of yours that he knew so well over and over again.

Your back arched into the air and mouth fell open at the overstimulation. It was excuisite.

“Oh, oh, Michael. I’m gonna cum.” You whispered desperately. “Oh, God.”

You clung to his arm in an attempt to hold on to any sort of sanity but it was all for nought. Both of your hands flew to your mouth as your whole body started to shake.

Michael tried to hold you as still as he could but never let up as he flicked the tip of his tongue over your clit again and again and again. He worked you through your orgasm, never relenting as your silent whimpers spurred him on. You had such a tight hold on his hair that it made him groan, sending a wave of vibrations through you that caused you to gasp. He only stopped once your whimpers had grown in volume to a steady whine of pleas.

“You’re such a good girl.” Michael praised as he came up, pressing a bruising kiss to your lips. “You gonna let me fuck you, sweetheart?”

“Yes! Please, Michael.”

Michael took a step back so that he could unbuckle his cargo pants, popping the button open before pushing them down his hips enough to let his stiff cock slap up against his taught stomach, balls hanging heavily. He spread the wetness of you that still coated his fingers over the head of his cock, giving himself a couple of pumps in preparation.

“How badly do you want this?” It might as well have been a rhetorical question for Michael knew the answer to that question very well. But he wanted to hear you say it. He wanted to hear your pleas as you begged him to fuck you full of himself. He wanted you to whine for his cum, to drive you so insane that you would begin to speak in tongues as the tip of him would repeatedly rub against that sweet spot inside of you.

“So badly,” You were practically breathless; completely lost just from the sight of him that you would never ever get enough of. Michael loved to see you like this, so disheveled, so fuckable.

“Tell me how badly you want it.” He breathed out the command.

“I need you to fuck me, Michael, I need you to full me up, please…” Your tongue ran over your lips over the sight of precum leaking from his tip, remembering how he tastes.

Michael stepped closer, caressing your jaw as he continued pumping his dick. Michael pressed a sloppy kiss to your before the head of his cock teased your entrance, gliding through it to coat itself in your wetness before slowly beginning to stretc you inch by inch. His dick was to thick and long that you wondered if you could even take it all. The slow drive of his hips into you was driving you wild until, finally, Michael’s hips met yours as he bottomed out and the tip of him was nestled snugly against your cervix.

Michael stopped for a moment to let you acclimate, but only for a moment as he could not bear any more. He drew himself out all the way until only his tip was inside of you. You were desperate to feel all of him inside of you again so you wrapped your leg around his waist, urging him to push forward back into you and fill the emptiness that his dick left behind. Michael grinned and sank into you again.

“Shit!” You cried as Michael drove the air from your lungs as he pounded into you. He never stopped or slowed down, continuously pulling almost all the way out and driving back into you again and again in a steady rhythm. Michael admired you as your eyes fluttered close, tits bouncing with every thrust. Your pussy pulsed and trembled around his thick girth, pulling him in deeper and deeper.

He grabbed your hips tightly, sure to be felt the next day, before continuing to pound into you in earnest. The desk rustled with every rut of Michael’s hips. As much as you tried to stay quiet, moans were slipping out of you and Michael attempted to silence them by kissing you. You let him swipe his tongue along the inside of your lips , swallowing your sounds before they rang through the air.

Michael drove into you harder and faster, unable to control himself from plunging deeper into you. You felt too good, too hard to resist. He should know better but he couldn’t stop himself.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck,” The words tumbled out of your mouth and Michael could feel you coming closer and closer to your end as your walls tightened around him. And just when you thought that you were about to cum, Michael pulled out of you, leaving you whining for him.

Michael guided you up from the desk, turning you around and forcing your front against the desk. He let his hands slide over your ass, spreading you open for him so that he could admire you. You were glistening, folds completely soaked and puffy.

“Please, Michael.” You pleaded, needing him.

“So greedy, honey.” Michael tutted before sliding back into your pussy so effortlessly.

Michael fucked you with slow, deep strokes to begin with, relishing every little squeak and whimper that made their way past your lips as he made you feel so good. He put his hand around your neck, forcing your upper body back so that he could tilt your head up. He wanted to see you as he pounded into you. He wanted to watch as your face twisted in those throes of passion.

“You like that?” Michael chuckled as he saw your eyes almost roll into the back of your head as he hit that soft, spungy part inside of you.

“You fuck me so good.” You babbled.

His hips picked up the pace, cock beginning to hammer into you, his balls swinging, slapping your clit. Your fingers dug into the desk bellow you, releshing in the pain as your hips were driven into the wood repeatedly.

“I’m gonna fuck you so full, fill you up until your dripping with me.” Dirty words tumbled through Michael’s lips, praising you and the way you felt.

“You gonna cum for me?” It was so quiet that you barely heard it. “You gonna gush all around my dick, honey?” One of Michael’s hand came forward to rub quick, tiny circles at your bundle of nerves.

Your legs tremble as you cum, back arching and toes curling in pleasure. The way you grew tighter around him made him hiss as he forced himself in again and again, chasing his own release. White, hot, searing pleasure runs through him as he finally cums, emptying himself deep inside of you, his jaw clenching and neck straining as he bucked into you. Michael groaned, making sure to pump himself completely empty, making sure you would always feel his love, deep inside of you.

Michael didn’t care that you so clearly looked like you had just been fucked, practically staggering your way out of the E.R. as quickly as you could whilst his colleague's shared quiet laughs. He didn’t care that Gloria would most likely catch wind of it and hand his ass to him. He didn’t care because he loved you. Devastatingly so. Love was his salvation.

[strangunddurm]

crumbs.

Pairing: Jack Abbot x fem!reader

Summary: secret marriage just for shit and giggles. crack fic lowkey.

Warnings: language. insinuation to sex. mentions of cheating (not Jack). grammar inaccuracies as usual. have fun hahahaha idk why i write this.

Nobody ever pieced together the fact that both you and Jack are married to each other. Everyone, with the exception of Robby and Dana, that is. Everyone knows that Jack has a wife, whom he never refers to by name. Everyone also knows that you have a husband, who, to everyone’s convenience, is also referred to by you as your husband. 

It was common knowledge that you and Jack are close, eerily close to the point Whitaker once asked Jack if his wife knows you. One time, Langdon even asked Robby what’s going on in your house that you allowed yourself to be really close with Jack. 

Both of which were answered by “Not your business.” – In Robby’s case, he was right, though in Jack’s case, he was just messing with Whitaker.

Shen has a theory that Jack is cheating with his wife with you, and he got smacked by Ellis, saying, “What opposite sex can’t be friends now?” 

Javadi once asked you if Jack is your ‘Utah’, whom you can’t have but are attracted to. You laughed at her, saying, “I’m married” – to him. You should’ve said, but what importance is it anyway? 

When asked about her opinion – by Matteo, in one of their after-shift gossip sesh – Santos only answered with “Abbot? Yeah, no way that dude’s getting side chick. With her nonetheless” in front of Robby, who only scoffs, laughing nonetheless. 

It also doesn’t help with the fact that you two are damn professionals, never leaving any crumbs for others about your relationship with eachother – one time, the both of you had a big debate about patient care, making everyone who thinks both of you are married change their mind. 

(“See, if they’re married, you think Abbot would argue with her?” Mckay once said to whitaker. 

“It’s still weird they’re that close.”) 

It wasn’t like you two were overly secretive about it; if they were to just outwardly ask who it is you are married to, you would’ve answered them. But you know how kids are with their egos. You weren’t planning on making it a big secret anyway, but what started as a fun ‘private not secret’ thing became your source of entertainment. 

So when one of you accidentally leaves some crumbs, they eat them up like a starving wolf. 

| one

The first crumb started out with Jack’s car sweater, the one you insist on leaving in the car since he never outwardly says that he’s cold. It’s not like he planned on wearing the sweater that night, but it was so damn cold he started thanking you for leaving the sweater in his car on his way. 

“Didn't know you both went to the same school, man. Is that why you two are real close?” Shen commented to Jack as the latter peeled his sweater off his body and tossed it into his locker.

“What? Who?” Jack tried to be nonchalant in his response; if Shen were to find out, everyone would find out. Not that he minded, it was just so fun to see everyone trying to piece it together. 

“Y/n, man. Met her last week when she swung by my place,” 

“You met her last week?” Jack questioned him. Though he did remember you saying you’re going to Shen’s to drop something.

“Yeah, I was borrowing her speaker. Mine's busted. Told me that she rarely uses it now.” Shen sipped his iced coffee when a voice joined in behind.

“Whose stuff are you taking again now?” Ellis chimes in between the two men while opening up her locker and putting her stuff inside.

“Y/n. And no, I didn't take it, she kindly gave it to me – or I borrowed it – from her since she told me she never used it anymore.” Shen rolls his eyes, indulging in Ellis's antics nonetheless.

“ah yeah, is she coming today?” Yeah like he didn't just kiss her goodbye before going to work.

“Nah, man, it's her day off. Look, Abbot, you know I have like utmost respect for you, right?” Now this is getting fun.

Jack nodded slowly, unsure, and replied, “what do you mean?”

“Both of you always had like this weird connection, like mad weird. But don’t you think it’s bordering… I dunno like weird?” Ellis explained to him like it was a conspiracy theory they are unraveling.

“Yeah, I lost you,” Jack said. Shen sighed loudly, “You’re married, she’s married, y’know? Boundaries, man, boundaries.” 

“I’ll have you know my boundaries with my wife are perfectly intact,” Jack tried to say it as calmly as possible, but he bit his cheek in order to keep his smirk contained. 

“Okay, whatever.-” Shen sipped his coffee Jack was sure he needed to physically hold back from swatting it from his hand. “-just, respect, man, respect” 

Jack raised his eyebrow. “is there something I don’t know ?” Ellis cut to the chase, asking Shen. 

“y/n wear his sweater,” Ellis gasped, Jack mock offense. “What the hell?”

“You said it like only one exist, you can go to the nearest goodwill and find that shit man.” now Jack and you had promised not to lie if anyone were to ask, but he technically did not lie right now. 

“Oh the college one? Yeah, almost everyone who go there has one.” Ellis shoved Shen for giving her – what she thought – was misinformation. 

Jack huffed dramatically, rubbing his face (in a attempt to hide his grin) “thank you, finally some sense” 

“Nah, still gotta respect them boundaries, man,” Ellis shrugged. Shen still looked at him accusingly. 

“Y’know what? Why do I even listen to you guys? We got work to do, c’mon,” Jack said, clipping his badge to the side pocket of his pants.

Shen points his finger at him, walking away with Ellis “boundaries”. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved him off, before fishing his phone out of his pocket. 

|Jack : you know for someone who thinks this is fun, you keep giving them hints. 

|you : what now? 

|Jack : the damn car sweater. 

|you : Oh HAHA, you know if John just peeked out of his driveway, he would see I was driving your truck. 

|Jack : nah, he’s smart, but not that smart. 

|you : I have zero tolerance on my kid’s slander. How dare you????

|Jack : hon you can pick anyone and you choose him? C’mon now. 

He was called out before he can see your response, quickly he typed in. 

|Jack : i gotta go. Love you, don’t watch the new episode without me. 

|you: Hmmm hard bargain but love you too. 

| two 

The second crumbs were your fault. You were going to do some me time – and you always told Jack to get himself a good thermos for his coffee, he told you that he can always use yours, but when you pointed out to him that your bottles have bizarre colours, he gave in and gave you his card to, in his words, ‘surprise me’ before kissing your temple and walking you to the door – So your plan for the day was to get him a good thermos that can hold his coffee hot for at least his entire shift. 

How hard is it to get it right? Wrong. You’ve been to two target, one walmart, and one sporting store, only to find zilch. Okay, if Jack are okay with pastel yellow you could’ve gotten it in the first store. But you were looking for something more….him. So now here you are in an outdoor store looking for one freaking plain black thermos. 

Finally finding what you wanted to give to Jack, you were just taking it off the shelves when someone called out your name. 

“L/n? Fancy seeing you here.” You turned your head away to the voice, finding Jesse smiling at you. 

“Ugh, Jess, stop calling me that,” you groaned at him. “Habit, sorry-” he looked at the thermos in your hand, jutting his chin out to point at it, “-that’s a different vibe for you” 

You looked at the thermos in your hand, sheepishly, “ah yeah, wanted something neutral. You here alone?” you said, trying to change the topic from said bottle in your hand. 

He nodded, “Yeah, you in a hurry? I kinda need your input on a Jacket.” You shake your head, “nah, let’s see the jacket.” 

You should’ve been thankful that Jesse got himself on a different self-checkout, because if he were queuing behind you, he would’ve seen the card nameholder definitely not stating your name. But you put that encounter in the back of your mind until it was hinted at next time you met him.

It was a few hours into the shift when Jack took out his thermos at his station, sipping on it. Holy shit, it’s still hot. He thought. 

“Fancypants bottle you got over there,” Mckay pointed out at him. Catching the attention of nurses around – Jesse included. 

You heard McKay’s comment the first time, but decided that it’s probably just a chat, so you busied yourself. Looking over at him occasionally. 

“At least my coffee’s hot to keep me sane,” Jack commented to her, seeing the looks the nurses were giving him, he tried to pay no attention. 

Jesse approached him, “Actually, Abbot, can I see? I’ve been wanting to buy one” 

Jack nodded, handing his thermos to Jesse, who looked at the thermos way too thoroughly. He smirked to himself, “Didn’t peg you as someone who uses this,” he said, handing it back to Jack. 

 “Yeah, someone gave it to me. It’s cool, though. Still scorching hot.” 

Hearing that, Jesse looked over to you, who caught your eyes on him, and he raised his eyebrow suspiciously at you. You looked away too fast for someone innocent, and he smirked smugly at you. You shrugged at him, mouthing what? He laughed at that. 

“Why are you laughing, man?” McKay asked him. He shakes his head. “Nah, just reminded me of someone, I’ll put one on my wishlist though,” he said, the last part pointing at Jack’s thermos. 

Jack, who doesn’t understand what’s happening, over his damn bottle nonetheless, decides to continue focusing on the screen in front of him. 

It wasn’t until later that you realized why Jesse looked over at you when he called you “dr. someone.” fuck, he saw me buy that fucking thermos. You were going to talk back at him, but he was long gone. 

“Is it true? You gave him that bottle?” Ellis asked you as you were preparing to go home that day. 

You stopped your action, trying to stay cool. “What? Who?” – it has been a fun couple of years, shame it all go to waste because of a stupid thermos. 

“Jesse told me he saw you buy a bottle similar to one in Abbot’s hand” she explained, pointing at Jack, bag in his shoulder and the thermos in his hand. 

“So what? I gave Abbot a bottle and you act like it’s the end of the world” she looked at you incredulously, exasperated “dude, your husband, remember???” 

You laughed at her, “he won’t be mad. Gotta go bye” you said quickly, jogging over to the exit door. Still holding a grin. 

| three

The third crumb was a joint fault. It was because of a damn phone call. It’s not way too early in the morning, but it was one of those hours when it’s suspicious to be spending it together. 

Both of you just woke up, still trying to fight the sleep from your eyes with a cup of coffee in the silence of the kitchen, when the phone rang from the bedroom. 

Without a second thought, you stand up and walk to the room, looking at the caller. Langdon. You groaned, accepting the call. 

“Frank, I swear-” You looked over the nightstand. Huh, that’s my phone there. Langdon’s voice cuts through your thoughts. “y/n?” you stilled. Shit. That’s my phone. This is Jack’s phone. 

You ran through the house, over to the kitchen, ignoring Jack’s confused face, before shoving the phone to his ear. You mouthed to him. Langdon. 

“Abbot. What’s wrong?” his voice gruff, almost annoyed. He looked over to you before listening to what Langdon was asking him. Why are you giving this to me? 

You mouthed back at him. Not my phone. He smirked, holding back a laugh before explaining to Langdon what he needed. 

You decided to go back to the bedroom to get the right phone. You scrolled over the notifications, mindlessly walking back to the kitchen. 

When you get back to Jack’s side, Langdon’s voice is muffled, but you can still hear it from where you’re standing. 

“Is that Y/n before?” he asked Jack, who elbowed your side gently before putting his arm around your waist. 

“What? Who? It’s my day off today. Just let me turn my fucking phone off.” 

“Oh shit. It is-.” Jack disconnected the call as soon as possible. 

He turned over slightly, facing you, laughing. “Remind me again why we still play this stupid game?” 

You stepped closer between his thighs, he leaned his head into your stomach, “because it’s fun-” you said, putting your hand in his curls. “-and god knows we need some fun things to do.” 

He slipped his hands under your shirt, needing the skin contact. You put your hands under his jaw, tilting his head slightly before meeting his lips in a fleeting kiss. 

“Jack, you know I love you, but your hand’s freezing,” you said to him, taking his hands in yours, removing them from your skin. 

He huffed, “You know your kid’s theorizing that I cheat on my wife with you, right?” 

You laughed wholeheartedly, knowing who he meant. “Oh my god, did we just adopt Shen?” he nodded. “Sounds about right.” 

You reached for your coffee before entertaining Jack’s earlier admission. “Matteo told me that Santos said you can’t bag me.” smiling into your mug. 

“Huh. last night’s my only argument” 

You gave him a serious look, “do you think we should tell everyone? 5 years enough for secrets don’t you think?” 

“Love, can i be honest?” you nodded at him, urging him to continue. “I kinda find it fun.” 

You rolled your eyes, “fuck I thought you wanna say somethin” 

“Whoa you kiss your husband with that mouth?” he teased. You shoved him gently before walking away “yeah, my husband ain’t getting a kiss today” 

You couldn’t see him feigning mock hurt, “wait you serious?-” 

“Hon?” you laughed at him back in the bedroom, hearing shuffled footsteps. 

|four 

The fourth crumbs was not a crumb, its a damn cookie being dropped, aka Jack finally tell everyone the depth of your relationship. 

It wasn’t even the worst shift both of you have experienced; it was fairly mild, to quote Shen’s words. But the med student currently on his ED rotation is getting on his nerves with how much he hovers over you. 

“Dr. l/n can I join you?”

“Dr. l/n can you teach me?” 

“Oh I can help you” 

And the worst of it all? Was him asking you, his wife, “dr. l/n, you’re working nights, is your husband treating you right?” 

You handled him like a champ, it’s not your first rodeo after all, so you gently put a hand on his shoulder, “trust me, if that’s what you're asking after joining me on multiple cases, you should reconsider being a doctor. Now take 20, heard there’s some food in the break room.” 

Ellis, the angel that she is, called out to him to join her in the break room, where Shen and Jack – on your insistence to take a break – are eating pastries. 

“What’s he doing here? y/n’s wearing you down, kid?” Shen commented, earning a shake of the head from said kid. 

“She told me to take 20.” Shen whistled, “damn. 4 hours. Record breaker over here.” 

Ellis laughed, looking over at the kid who looked lost. “If y/n tells you to take 20 means either you’re overworking yourself or you piss her off.” 

The kid takes offense at Ellis’ words, “ I helped her. A lot. Not my fault she’s pissed at me.” 

“You literally ask her about her home life, kid.” Ellis shrugged, leaning over to take a plain croissant – knowing the last pain au chocolate is yours. 

“He what?” Shen looked at the kid with a raised eyebrow, waiting for Jack to say something. 

“It’s a fair question, I mean, why would she even be working nights when she should be at home with her husband, y’know?” he said that as if it was no big deal, hand reaching out to take the pain au chocolate. 

Shen and Jack instinctively swat his hand away. “Not that one,” both of them said at the same time. The new kid retracts his hand, scared, before reaching over to the cheese croissant. 

“Hey, Dr. Abbot-” he turns his head towards Jack, “you’re the closest one with her, right?” Jack nodded, still hadn’t said a word the entire time he’s been here. Shen stood up, walking over to Ellis, looking for two mugs, pouring coffee before passing one to Jack.  

“Do you think she’ll go for breakfast with me after the shift’s over?” 

Y’know what? I’m sick of this. “Why would you?” 

“Well, she’s hot-. And smart as hell. Doesn’t help that she’s-” he stopped his rambling when he saw you walking over to the break room. Jack has his back on the door, but he always knows you’re close – a freak superpower, Ellis once told him. 

“Should I say the q word so you guys aren’t bored or what?” you said as you entered the room. 

“Don’t you dare.” “If you can say it faster than my hands,” both Shen and Ellis said, making you laugh. You looked over Jack’s shoulder to see the hot coffee in front of him. 

Without thinking, you walked over, putting your hand on his shoulder, taking the mug in your hand before bringing the coffee to your mouth. Sighing in content. 

“That’s his coffee,” the new kid commented. It was nothing out of the ordinary for Shen and Ellis, both currently thinking about how to stir the pot. 

“I know?” you asked him, unsure what he was insinuating. “That’s dr. Abbot’s coffee. You just drank from his mug.” 

The pot need not be stirred. Ellis and Shen are already liking where this goes. 

“What? My wife can’t take my coffee? Go ahead, ask her for breakfast.” Jack said, his hand shooting up to his shoulder to hold your hand. 

While the kid was flabbergasted, Shen was the first one to speak up. “What the fuck? What about your wife?” Ellis slapped the back of his head. “She’s his wife, you idiot” 

You chuckled, leaning down to give Jack’s curls a peck. “Damn, you said it was fun?” Jack shrugged. “Eh, getting pretty tired.” 

The kid stood up, looking at you, “i’m sorry. I crossed a line. Hope you understand.” you offered him a hand, “no hard feelings, kid.” he shook your hand, walking away from the room hurriedly. 

Shen was still lost, and Ellis already had an inkling but never voiced it out – she once saw both of you making out in a bar watching a Steelers game. 

“Any questions, John?” you looked over at Shen, “since when? HR? Why? Who knows?” you laughed at him, sitting down beside Jack. 

“HR’s good, no power imbalance. why? Hmm I don’t know. Was fun, I guess-” you put your hand on Jack’s knee, “was before your time, but who officially knows is Robby and Dana. How long? Well, how long have we been together, Jack?” 

Jack chuckled “fuck if  I know, we both ain’t counting. But married for 5”  putting his hand on top of yours. 

“So when I told you about that sweater, it actually is yours? And Frank’s phone call was actually you? And that damn bottle rumors Jesse said was true?” 

“Do you need them to spell it out for you or what?” Ellis said to Shen. Jack leaned toward you, “told you your kid’s stupid.” You shoved his shoulder, still smiling. 

Ellis points at you. “Hey? What about me?” Shen smiles smugly at her. “I’m their kid. Take the L”

You reached over to Jack’s coffee again, smiling into the cup as you took a sip. Jack groaned “dude, we just outed your main gossip source, and that’s what you guys are concerned about?” 

“Oh no, we don’t care about you. About y/n though, so which one of us you love more?” Shen asked you. You laughed, giving Jack a peck on the cheek – his eyes fluttered, one Ellis catch. 

If this is what it entails when everyone knows of your relationship, Jack would’ve told everyone the moment you guys got married. 

“Not my fault, I’m lovable.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going. You both can pester her all you want.” Jack said as he stood up, squeezing your shoulder, looking over at the kids. 

“So, what are you nosy about?” 

[strangunddurm]

In Another Light

“How can you look at me and pretend I’m someone you never met?” 

It’s been a year since you transferred to day shift—since he gave you no choice. Slowly, painfully, things began to feel normal again. You found a new apartment. You learned how to fall asleep without his arms around you. You stopped flinching at the sound of his name. But in a blink, the walls you spent months building start to crack. One call, one schedule change, and just like that—you’re pulled back into the night shift. Back into his orbit.

Independent story, later chapters will eventually follow episodes 1 and then 11 through 15 of The Pitt.

Content warnings will be listed on individual chapters.

Jack Abbot x Ex!reader

ੈ✩‧ - Prologue

ੈ✩‧ - He's got eyes, but he can't see

ੈ✩‧ - What we don’t say in the mornings

ੈ✩‧ - My name, my undoing 

ੈ✩‧ - Heavenly

ੈ✩‧ - Ceilings 

ੈ✩‧ - Sometimes we wander 

ੈ✩‧ - It would’ve been you

More chapters to be determined

[strangunddurm]

Sobbing crying overwhelmed 😭😭😭 thanks for adding my shitty little story to your recs ❤️❤️

michael robinavitch

masterlist • the pitt • 05/12/25

˚‧⁺ ･ ˖ · ୨ৎ recs

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𑣲 gorgeous I @/science-hoes

Robby loses in fantasy football and pays up. Somehow, his loss is making your life a lot more difficult.

𑣲 special treatment I @ovaryacted

𑣲 an itch you can’t scratch pt2 I @theonewiththefanfics

After taking a bad fall, Y/N gets rushed to the ED of Pittsburg Trauma Medical Hospital only to come face to face with a man she had a one-night stand with, and who ghosted her that same morning without a word - Dr. Michael "Robby" Robinavitch. As if her bad day couldn't get any worse than it was...

𑣲 married name I @tedmustache

Robbie decides to casually reveal their marriage in the most dramatic way possible.

𑣲 doctors orders I @/tedmustache

Between long shifts, late-night triage, and the chaos of The Pitt, something quiet has been building between Dr. Robbie and Y/N. When one rough day pushes things to a breaking point, unspoken feelings come dangerously close to the surface and maybe neither of them is ready to pretend anymore.

𑣲 triage I @/tedmustache

Amid the nonstop pressure of a Pitt emergency room, one nurse navigates long nights, relentless crises, and two doctors who are harder to read than any medical chart.

𑣲 residuals pt2 pt3 pt4 pt5 I @eureka-its-zico

You and Robby spent seven long years together until the day it ended. You’ve done your best to create space; to become invisible. You can’t miss what you don’t see. Unfortunately, the universe (Gloria and the Board of Directors) seemed to have missed the memo.

𑣲 devastation (daughter!reader) I @nineteenninety-six

The tragedgy at Pittfest brings brings a victim that devastates Dr Robby

𑣲 late night visits I @stellamarielu

somehow your neighbor is always finding himself at your front door hoping to find relief through casual hookups, but you both can’t deny your feelings any longer

𑣲 impatient intentions I @/stellamarielu

robby’s innocent obsession with his neighbor takes a turn after a dinner invite that leads him straight into your kitchen and renders him a slave to your touch

𑣲 work crush I @xximperioxx

𑣲 heartbeat pt2 pt3 I @asxgard

You get called in to assist with the mass casualty event on your day off and you’re grateful to be there when your husband finally breaks.

𑣲 companionship pt2 pt3 pt4 pt5 pt6 pt7 pt8 pt9 pt10 I @/asxgard

He’s not sure how he got here, perhaps it’s the aching loneliness or the overwhelming stress. You’re there because it seems like easy money and you have a pushy friend. All in all, it’s a good deal — he gets the companionship he’s after, no strings, and you get your utility bills paid on time. It’s pretty simple, easy, until your arrangement bleeds into something a bit more…complicated.

𑣲 a lesson in vulnerability pt2 I @/asxgard

A pregnancy scare forces you both to lay your cards on the table.

𑣲 be I @/asxgard

You had no intentions of falling for the sad-eyed attending on one of your rotations. And yet, here you are.

𑣲 feels like trouble I @thepencilnerd

You and Robby have been secretly dating for a while now. Most of the ER is clueless—except the five people who could probably write dissertations on your dynamic. Enter a frat boy med student with too much confidence and not enough self-awareness. Robby? Jealous. You? Oblivious. Everyone else? Watching the drama unfold like it's peak primetime television.

𑣲 cuddles in the on call room I @/thepencilnerd

𑣲 drunk confessions I @/thepencilnerd

You’re out drinking with your colleagues. Robby’s not there—until he is. What happens when you see each other again in the ER, and everything you said (or left unsaid) comes rushing back?

𑣲 chronic illness!reader I @/thepencilnerd

𑣲 the story never ends I @/thepencilnerd

From coffee and first glances to slow unraveling and quiet return—this is a story of love across changing seasons, of what’s lost, and what still lingers; healing is neither linear nor pretty, but it’s real—and sometimes, that's enough.

𑣲 dayshift nurse!reader I @/thepencilnerd

𑣲 sweet nothings I @thebestandworstdayofjune

you own a bakery down the street from PTMH, and Dr. Robby is one of your favorite customers. The night of The Pitt Fest shooting, you stress bake and deliver the results to the park near the hospital when you have a gut feeling everyone could use something to lift their spirits

𑣲 stay with me I @mercvry-glow

𑣲 a girls guide to shopping I @/mercvry-glow

𑣲 i start my mornings with folgers and hot, steamy sex I @spockiguess

Dr. Robby doesn't get to share many mornings with you, so when the day comes that he's finally able to spend just a little bit more time in your embrace, he doesn't pass on the opportunity to make it memorable.

𑣲 idiots doctors in love I @oceantornadoo

𑣲 rose scented scrubs I @/oceantornadoo

𑣲 i look in people's windows I @augustwinesworld

𑣲 message received I @abbotjack

𑣲 and you came back to me I @/abbotjack

𑣲 stitched together I @hauntedhowlett-writes

after accidentally cutting your hand, you seek out your neighbor for help. a favor becomes a friendship and a friendship becomes something more.

𑣲 lead the way I @traumaone

after over a year of pining over Robby, reader gets into a relationship to try and get over him, and gets cheated on. Robby (after putting up with a snippy reader) comes to the rescue

𑣲 keys I @/traumaone

Robby misses you, but lucky for him, you just so happened to leave your keys on his desk after your shift last night (or, you come by to pick up your keys and Robby feels you up in the ambulance bay)

𑣲 immature I @/traumaone

Robby loses his temper on you, and you're not quick to forgive, then tragedy strikes, and Robby's not answering his phone

𑣲 mature I @/traumaone

𑣲 the right moment is you I @cherriready

robby didn’t mean to propose today. not during a long shift, not without a plan, and definitely not in front of the ER. but when he saw her—cradling a toddler, keeping on a concussed mom, keeping calm in the chaos—he saw the rest of his life. no speeches. no perfect moment. just her. always her.

𑣲 drabble I @arrenjo

𑣲 touch I @a-soft-aside

You land yourself in the ER and Robby is the first face you see.

𑣲 positions I @/a-soft-aside

Your recent work trip is the longest time you and Robby have been apart since you two started dating. He’s thought of you non-stop and all the things he’s been wanting to do to you. He gives you a welcome home to remember.

𑣲 dark is the way, light is a place I @isaysexualthingsaboutrobinavitch

As a board-certified clinical psychologist working at PTMC, you were expecting to see patients of the hospital. But by some twist of fate, you end up seeing several ER doctors for individual therapy.

𑣲 Ho'oponopono I @ay0nha

where you make a mistake that leads to a probationary period full of observation hours, required counseling, and loathing for Dr. Robby, the very person who put you in this position.

𑣲 young gf!reader I @astreamofcolors

𑣲 safekeeping I @dexxtrosee

A baby got to the ER thirty minutes ago and hasn't stopped crying since. It's starting to get on everyone's nerves. He is, unfortunately, the one in charge, so it's his problem to deal with.

𑣲 drabble I @loveyhoneydovey

𑣲 in good hands I @blackleatherjacketz

You draw the short straw and have to work part of your shift in the ER, but Dr. Robby makes it a little more tolerable.

𑣲 night vision pt2 pt3 pt4 I @artibeus-lituratus

While dr. Frank Langdon is away while seeking treatment for his drug addiction, you're plucked from the loving arms of the night shift in order to replace him inside the crushing jaws of the day shift in the Pitt. Being a nocturnal creature with a closed-off personality, it's hard to adjust at first, especially when you're no longer working alongside your mentor (and father figure of sorts), dr. Jack Abbot. However, you slowly start to grow on the day shift's attending doctor, and it's up to Robby if he'll stay away from you to protect his heart, or if he'll give in to something that's bigger than a workplace crush.

𑣲 robby’s biological clock I @marvelslut16

Robby opens up to the reader that he realizes that he wants a child after finding out that he almost had one.

𑣲 gyltig I @strangunddurm

Michael has a secret that he was too guilty to tell anybody about. Especially Heather Collins.

𑣲 loathing you, my whole life long pt2 pt3 pt4 I @kisses4themissus

[strangunddurm]

Sweet boy

Pairing: Jack Abbot x single mom! resident!reader

Warnings: Age gap (unspecified), reader‘s son plays soccer, reader feels like a bad mom, fluff mostly, implied that the kid is a matchmaker

Summary: When her son is having a rough patch, she asks her attending to come to his games, just as a temporary arrangement, of course. Though sometimes something temporary becomes normal.

Words: 4.5 k

A/N: Hey there, so this is what was voted for and I really like the way it turned out! It it rather light hearted and I really like the way it turned out. Though a quick disclaimer at this point, I have no idea what it is really like to be a single mom or a mom in genreal so please be kind in that regard. Also I might write a second part for this where reader finds out she is pregnant with Jack‘s baby and the ‚aftermath‘ of that, not sure about that though :) I still hope you enjoy this little story :D

Leaning against the nurses’ station she closed her eyes, the worry in her gut not getting better as the night wore on. It was his first sleepover and she was not happy about it, she had been reluctant about it anyways, but she knew the mother well, knew the father well and knew that there would only be three kids in total. It was safe and she knew that nothing bad could happen to him, she had slept over a ton as a kid and nothing ever happened. Still, since she had dropped him off at his best friend‘s house before she had gone to her shift the bad feeling her stomach didn‘t go away.

“You doing okay?” The voice of her attending pulled her out of her musings, he was standing closer than she had expected as she opened her eyes, feeling a slight heat rush to her face. His expression mildly worried, his salt and pepper curls slightly mussed. His stethoscope was wrapped around his neck and underneath it she could see the chain around it as well.

“Not really…” she sighed, rubbing her head, lying to him would get her nowhere, he was able to read her like an open book. “You know when you have a gut feeling that you really can’t shake?” she glanced at him with a small smile. He snorted slightly, nodding as he looked at her again. Not moving he still continued to stare at her, it was that kind of expectant stare he sometimes gave patients when they left out parts of the story they were telling.

“Yeah, definitely,” he crossed his arms across his chest, the thick forearms resting across each other. Sometimes she felt like a teenager when he was close to her, like she would start swooning after him like a lost puppy. Shaking her head slightly she tried to get that out of her head, hell he was her attending and in her eyes way out of her league.

“My son is sleeping over at a friend’s place tonight for the first time, can’t seem to shake the feeling that something terrible might happen,” she shuddered slightly as she shook her head. She knew that Abbot would probably have some wise words for her, he always did. „I sound like some kind of helicopter mom, don‘t I?“ she asked, laughing slightly as she looked at him.

„Nah,“ he shook his head, „We see shit in here people can‘t even dream of in their worst nightmares,“ he shrugged, „I think it‘s normal to be worried. And he is your first after all,“ A small smile was on his lips as he leaned against the counter.

„How did his match go, anyway?“ Abbot asked. She was slightly startled at the question, she had mentioned that her son had insisted on playing soccer this season and he had had his first match in the afternoon.

„It went well,“ she smiled, she had luckily been able to be there and cheer for him. „His team won and he put in the last goal, getting them out of the draw,“ a proud smile on her lips as she told that to Abbot. It had felt like she was watching her son in slow motion, running on his little legs with the ball in front of him, then one strong kick and he had scored the goal.

„Looks like you got a future star on your hands,“ Abbot smiled slightly as she laughed at that.

„If the love for it lasts longer than one season I actually might,“ she smiled at Abbot, trying to hide the sadness in her smile. Even if her son had played incredibly well he had still cried after the game, right after the kids had been allowed to go see their parents. All the dads had been so supportive the entire time, the mums as well, but that had not triggered her son‘s crying. It had been a conversation that they had been having for what felt like ages, on and off, even if her son was only seven, he understood the concept of not having a father or even father figure rather well. Especially since all his friends had really great and involved fathers. She knew that he was happy and that he loved her, it had alway only been them together, but apparently he was currently in a stage in life where he just wanted someone else besides her.

A sniffle left her as she realised the thought had made her cry again. Sometimes, well a lot of times, she felt like a bad mom. Due to the fact that most of her friends were either from work or her son‘s friends‘ mothers she did not know that many other single mothers. She had no advice on how to deal with these emotions and it made her feel so horrible.

„Hey, hey,“ he gently touched her shoulder, the concern in his features evident as he gently touched her shoulder.

„Gosh, sorry,“ she wiped away the tears, trying to stop the tears from falling again. A groan escaped her as she sniffled again. Suddenly her phone started buzzing in her pocket, fear shot through her as she grabbed it, holding up her hand to Abbot, her tears going dry right away as she saw the name of Josh‘s best friend‘s mother on the screen.

„Hey, is everything alright?“ she asked with panic in her voice. She knew she needed to calm down, panic wouldn‘t get her anywhere.

„Hey, yes, sorry if I am calling at a bad time.“ the voice sounded exhausted as she heard shuffling in the background.

“No! It‘s okay, I have some time on my hands right now,“ she shot Abbot an apologetic glance, though he still looked concerned at her, his hand still on her shoulder.

„Okay, I just wanted to tell you that the three of them devoured four pizzas and were knocked out afterwards, they are all sleeping right now and it looks like they are not going to get up until like at least ten tomorrow,“ Lara sounded exhausted, but she let out a sigh of relief.

„Thanks for letting me know.“ she paused. There was another pause on the other side of the line.

„Sorry, I didn‘t mean to keep you from work, have a good shift.“ Lara sounded exhausted, they quickly said their goodbyes and she hung up, letting her head fall backwards.

„Everything alright?“ he looked so concerned as he looked at her while she shoved her phone back into her pocket.

„Yeah,“ she let out a relieved laugh as she shook her head. „She just called to let me know that they are sleeping like stones and everything is alright.“

He let out a relieved sigh as well, like he had been just as worried as the phone had gone off. It made her smile slightly, Abbot had met her son a few times already, it had always been during cookouts organized by someone, mostly by either Dana or Langdon. Her son had loved Abbot from the moment her attending had introduced himself to her son. Josh became attached to Abbot like a tick the moment he spotted him in a crowd of one of the cookouts. Always dragging her mentor along to everything he wanted to do and for some reason unbeknownst to her, Abbot just let him and did his best to satisfy the whims of her son.

The thing was, that had made her crush on her attending even worse, seeing the way he treated her son made her heart swell every single time she saw them interact. Probably the worst part of it all was that she knew that this was no silly little crush anymore.

„Thank god,“ he breathed out, his head falling backwards as well. Suddenly something came to her mind, but before she could even propose the idea to Abbot Bridgit called out that a trauma was incoming.

——————

Shift change had gone smoother than usual and she was finally on her way out of the building, hoping to be able to shower before she had to pick up Josh. As she stood by the lockers she thought about the idea she had had again. Maybe it was stupid, and maybe she would overstep if she did really ask that of Abbot, but she just wanted to know if maybe there was a chance for it.

Seeing Abbot also coming her way she fished everything out of the locker, stepped back and waited for him to approach her. Usually he never used the lockers, his backpack already slung over his shoulder.

„Mind if we have a little chat before you leave?“ he asked, his brow raised in her direction.

„Not at all, I actually wanted to talk to you about something as well.“ she gave him a small smile as they began making their way towards the exit. She knew that Jack always walked, he said that it cleared his head, though she knew that he theoretically could drive.

„Are you sure you are doing okay? You know that you can talk to me if something is bothering you,“ his voice was so gentle as they stepped out of the hospital. She sighed, the crying had definitely prompted that conversation.

“Yeah, no, I know I am not doing the best,“ she answered honestly, „It‘s about Josh,“ another sigh and as she glanced to the side she could see the concerned expression of her attending.

„Is he sick?“ he asked, of course that was the first thing that came to mind, not the quick kind of sick, the occasional flu, but she knew that he meant sick. The kind of sick that could tear people apart.

„No!“ she shook her head, „He is just having a bit of a rough patch,“ she paused, cringing internally as they continued to walk towards employee parking, „He has been asking more and more about why his dad isn‘t there and why he can‘t have an awesome dad like his other friends,“ she paused, „Makes me feel like a terrible parent,“ she shuddered.

Abbot stopped walking, she also did, following his him to the side of the sidewalk. His expression was stern, but still friendly.

„You know you are not a bad mom, right?“ he paused, „That kid loves you more than anything in the world.“ Carefully he put his hands on her shoulders, gently squeezing them.

„I know,“ she tried to look away, but it felt impossible to draw away from these intense eyes. „I just…sometimes I wish I could give him that role model he so desperately wants…“ she sighed, rubbing her face. This was the point where she decided to just go with it and ask, „That was actually why I wanted to talk to you,“ she sighed again, Abbot looked surprised as she said that.

„I know that this is probably very unprofessional and also overstepping boundaries, but god, Josh loves you, always talks about you and every time there is a cookout he gets so excited.“ she paused gauging the expression on Abbot‘s face, it startled her when he looked slightly flustered, „But would you mind coming to the games with me? I know that you probably have a lot of stuff to do and more things to worry about, but-„

„I would love to,“ he paused, a small smile on his lips as he gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. It felt like the breath was knocked out of her lungs as she saw that sparkle in his eyes, for a moment she wasn‘t sure if it was just the light or if she could actually see tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

„I would love to come,“ he repeated, again giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze, again „Just tell me when and where I have to be and I will be there,“ his voice was soft as he spoke. It made her want to cry, the way he smiled at her like she had just given him the best news of his life.

„Will do,“ she smiled at him, tears beginning to gather in her eyes as well, she hated it, knowing that loving this man was probably never going to get her anywhere.

———————

Sitting in the bleachers of the small school soccer field she sighed, glancing at her phone she checked to see if Abbot had texted her that he was running late. The kids were still doing warm ups and she had hoped that he would be there before the game would start. Glancing to the side she heard soft murmurs from some of the moms from the boys on her son‘s team, they were the kind of soccer mom‘s she really did not like. The ones that looked down on her for being a single mom, like it made her a bad person. Following their eyeline she grinned, Abbot was walking towards where she was sitting, in the lower ranks so that she could keep a close eye on the game the entire time. The sight in front of her made her a little light headed, Jack Abbot in casual clothes was something she had never hoped to see and here he was. A pair of loose fitted dark blue jeans, a tight fitted t-shirt paired with a fleece jacket without a hoodie. His backpack slung over his shoulder, as he walked over to her.

„Hey!“ she grinned at him, not sure how to greet him, though that question was answered when he gave her a quick hug.

„Hey,“ he said as well, taking a seat beside her, his legs spread slightly. Before she was able to say anything she heard one of the other mom‘s say something that made her a bit prickly.

„God, what a waste,“ Karen, the epitome of said name, half shouted while glaring in her direction.

„Thanks again for coming, Abbot,“ she gave him a small smile, he just nodded, a small smile also on his lips.

„Of course, and Jack will do for now,“ he smirked slightly as she felt her face heat up at the idea of calling him by his first name.

„Alright, no last names,“ she gave him a cheeky grin, then looked at the backpack, which had been safely deposited between his legs. Suppressing her laugh she glanced at him.

„What have you got in the bag?“ she asked, nodding at the backpack, Jack hummed softly, a huff escaping him.

„Wanna have a look?“ he asked, while his eyes found her backpack as well, „Mind if I get a peek at what you got?“ a small grin on her face they exchanged backpacks.

Looking into his backpack she found an array of medical supplies, Butterfly ultrasound, neckbrace, field trach kit, tourniquet, a stethoscope, a catheter for a chest tube, syringe and a lot more.

„Came prepared, let's just hope we don‘t need any of these,“ she laughed as she placed the backpack on the ground again.

„You too,“ he nodded with a small smile on his lips.

„Looks like we came with a whole ED on our back,“ she laughed, „Still just so you know there are medics here as well,“ she paused, glancing over at the two teenagers who were the medics for the teams, „I just don‘t trust them,“ she muttered under her breath.

Jack followed her line of sight and nodded slowly as he also saw the two teenagers sitting there, glued to their phones.

„I get that,“ he hummed softly, looking over his shoulder now, she followed his gaze this time she saw Karen staring at him, her husband, Larry, sitting cluelessly beside her. „What is her deal?“ he muttered as he leaned in closer to her, his breath fanning over the side of her face.

„Just getting the newest gossip ready,“ she sighed, a small smirk on her face as she watched Josh helping one of his teammates up from the ground after the kid had tripped.

„For the Soccer moms‘ whatsapp group?“ he asked, his voice laced with amusement. A snort left her lips as she shook her head.

„Worse, the soccer moms‘ facebook group,“ at that comment Jack let out a laugh, gently nudging her with his elbow. She grinned at him, shaking her head slightly. She thought that she could get used to this, to him being around more. It was nice, having someone around that she could talk with, someone that cared for Josh.

„JACK!“ Josh‘s tiny voice pulled her out of her thoughts as she saw him barreling towards her, though he did not launch himself at her, but rather at Jack, jumping into his arms. Jack easily caught Josh, holding him close for a moment, laughing softly as her son‘s tiny hands grabbed his jacket.

„Are you here for my game?“ Josh asked, his eyes big. She felt her heart lurch slightly at the sight. Jack holding Josh, who was now half sitting on his lap, a big grin on his tiny face.

„Yeah, little champ,“ he nodded. The coach called Josh‘s name and he let go of Jack again, not saying anything he bolted back to the team. A small smile grew on her lips as she watched the new spring in Josh‘s step. For a moment there was comfortable silence between them, their shoulders and legs brushing slightly as they watched the team huddled together. Lara and her husband weren‘t there, Tom, their son had caught the flu and was now sick, she was kind of the only mother she actually knew and liked from the team.

„So, any post game traditions?“ Jack asked while they watched the kids scattering over the field, taking their positions to start the game. A snort left her lips as she glanced over at him.

„It‘s only his second game, so no,“ she gave him a small grin as they leaned back slightly.

„What about I take you guys out for some pizza?“ he asked, the tone of his voice was different, it was like there was a subtle question behind it, like he was trying to figure out how far she would let him in.

„Pizza sounds great!“ she smiled at him, feeling her face heat up again as he gave her a quick smile. „But I am paying!“ she grinned at him.

„Let's argue about that when the time comes,“ he shook his head as the whistle for the start of the game blew.

The game was good, Josh‘s team getting another win, this time her little champ had scored the first goal of the match. She and Jack had cheered loudly and for the first time it felt like she could also cheer unapologetically. The look on Josh‘s face during half time had been unforgettable and would probably be burned in her mind forever, the pure joy of seeing her and Jack and how excitedly he had told them about his thoughts during the first goal.

Now the game was over and she and Josh were packing up his things, changing from his soccer shoes to his regular trainers. Josh was babbling about how cool the move of his teammate had been when he had avoided one of the opponents. Jack was standing beside her, a proud smile on his lips. Josh looked as his hands as she was beginning to collect all their stuff.

„Mommy,“ his voice was so soft that she was barely able to even hear him as she looked up, a smile on her face.

„Yeah sweetheart?“ she smiled at him, he looked nervous, glanced at Jack then back at her.

„Can we take a picture?“ he asked softly, looking at his hands like he was asking for some kind of dangerous thing.

“Of course, sweety,“ she smiled at him, gently ruffling his hair, „Do you want a picture with all of us or just you and Jack?“ she knew that they already had a picture of just him and her, so she just assumed that he wanted a picture with Jack.

„Can we do both?“ he asked, his eyes big as he looked at her with hopeful eyes.

„Of course, darling,“ she looked at Jack who looked like he was preening at the question, a small smile on her lips she ushered Josh towards Jack, who exchanged a few hushed whispers with each other. They posed together, Jack placing his hands on Josh‘s shoulders, a proud smile on his lips, an elated expression on Josh‘s. She smiled as she took the pictures.

“Do you want me to take the other one?“ the voice of the coach came from beside her as he gave her a small smile. He was already in his sixties and such a sweetheart.

„Please!“ she handed him her phone, giving him a thankful smile, quickly she moved up to Jack and Josh who both gave her a smile. Stepping behind Josh she also placed one hand on his shoulder, suddenly she felt an arm wrap itself around her waist, a surprised expression graced her face before she also wrapped her arm around his waist as well, both of them a hand on Josh‘s shoulder. The coach grinned slightly as he took a picture.

„You want your mom and I to pick you up?“ Jack asked Josh, who grinned excitedly and nodded quickly. Together they picked up her son, squeezing him between them, all of them laughing, another picture was taken.

That evening she had sent all of the pictures to Jack. Sitting on the sofa while Josh already slept she stared at the screen, the picture of Jack and her holding Josh stared back at her, that night she decided to change the picture of herself and Josh in her background to this one.

—————-

Sitting on her sofa she glanced over at Josh who was snoring softly between her and Jack, his little body snuggled between them. It was so domestic, so normal at this point that it made her want to cry.

Jack always came for the games, always cheered Josh on, always made sure that their little champion knew how well he was doing. Meanwhile he checked in on her, made sure she was also doing alright, offered her to take a few more days off during the months so that she could relax a little. At some point it became a tradition for Jack to come back to her place after a game and pizzas, they would often watch a movie, Josh usually falling asleep within the first half hour of the movie, though they still finished watching the movie, one of them would put him to bed. It was almost like they really were a family, except that they weren‘t, not like that at least.

The tension between them had heightened. At work sometimes it felt like they were really a couple, Jack bringing her coffee, her always making sure to bring an extra bag of food, knowing that Jack often forgot. During breaks she would ask if he needed anything from the grocery store while Jack offered to watch Josh when he had a night off when she didn‘t.

The end credits played as they continued to stare at the screen, she paused the movie, then turned off the TV.

„Do you wanna put him down?“ she asked, feeling how her arm had fallen asleep from Josh sleeping on it, hit head leaning against her upper arm.

„Yeah,“ Jack‘s voice was hoarse, glancing over at him she felt a pang in her heart, realising that he was crying. She had never really seen him cry before, never seen him that emotional. She didn‘t comment on it though, just gave him time to pick up Josh and carry him towards his bedroom. Quietly she followed him, making sure that Jack didn‘t realise. Stopping in the doorway she saw how Jack tucked in Josh, gently brushing some strands of hair out of his face.

„Huh,“ a shaky sigh escaped his lips, she wanted to say something, but she simply stood there and watched, „Sweet boy,“ his voice was so gentle, as he kneeled beside Josh‘s bed. „You know, I really should have believed you when you first told me I loved your mom,“ a soft laugh came from him. He rested his arm on the mattress of her son‘s bed. „Sleep well,“

She felt her heart hammering in her chest. Her chest tightened as she watched the moment between Jack and her sleeping son. Another sigh came from Jack, she took a small step back as he got up from where he had been kneeling, gently pressing a kiss to her son‘s forehead before he turned around. His eyes went wide as he saw her standing there, carefully she made room for him to walk out the room, closing the door behind him.

„I think I should be going, it‘s later than usual,“ he spoke softly as they faced each other in the hallway. The space felt crammed, with all the unsaid things between them. They surrounded them in this moment more than ever before, weighing them down, in a way pulling them together.

„Don‘t,“ she shook her head, feeling the weight that had been living in her chest since Jack had essentially become Josh‘s father figure. The weight of an unspoken truth neither of them really wanted to face, neither of them really wanted to acknowledge.

The air around them was charged, she reached out, trying to keep her hands from shaking, gently she took his. He intertwined their fingers, carefully pulling her closer to him. His free hand wrapped around her cheek, his thumb caressing her it. Moving closer he pressed his lips to hers, it felt like a current went through her body. Their lips moved against each other, wrapping her free arm around his neck she tried to pull him in even closer, to close the distance between them completely. There was a certain urgency in the kiss, they let go of each other‘s hands, his other hand went towards her waist, she wrapped her other arm around his neck as well. As they pulled away he rested his forehead against hers, their breaths intermingling.

His other hand had found her waist now, holding her close to him, the heat radiating off of him now even more comforting than when he looked over her shoulder in a trauma bay. She brushed her nose against his, pressing another soft kiss to his lips.

„Are you going to tell me why you cried?“ she asked, her voice a bit lighter as she spoke, her arms slowly encircling his waist now. A low groan came from him, then a soft huff.

„I always cry at the end of The Lion King,“ he said, his voice cracking slightly, his hold on her not relenting.

„You gotta be kidding me,“ she laughed as she tilted her head back slightly.

„I‘m not,“ he looked deadly serious, though a small smile was now visible on his features.

„I am definitely going to tell Ellis about that,“ she giggled slightly as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, placing soft kisses there.

„You are definitely not going to do that,“ he leaned his head back, letting out a small hum.

“Maybe, maybe not,“ she giggled softly as she leaned her head against his shoulder, enjoying the feeling of finally being in his arms.

[strangunddurm]

scar tissue

dr. jack abbot x female!resident!reader

wc: 2k

summary: an unexpected patient arrives in the er and turmoil arises

warnings: medical inaccuracies, mentions of injuries and medical procedures, mentions of alcohol abuse aka reader has a shitty alcoholic dad who yells, mentions of brief sexual content but nothing explicit (mdni!), power dynamic in relationship/reader is a 3rd year resident jack is an attending, unspecified age gap, wrote this at 4am

a/n: this is soooo inspired by greys specifically the scenes where meredith's mom is a patient at sgh and then the mark and lexie (deleted?) scene of them after the shooting. i struggled a lot with the ending of this one so sorry if it sucks lol. hope you like and enjoy and thank you guys for all the love

Tonight’s shift hadn’t been too wild, but you would never risk speaking the words aloud. Jinxing the remaining 3 hours would only ruin the night you’d had so far. 

A few random cases had come through and one drunk driver who was already stable and moved up to the ICU. One of the more chill night shifts you’d had in a while. 

Glancing up from your seat at the nurse’s station, you watch him move from South 15 to the curtain over- checking on patients. 

Your cheeks heat unprofessionally and unintentionally at the sight of him. A habit you needed to kick soon for you worked with the man 4 nights a week. That, and your flustered appearance was becoming more obvious than you’d realized. 

Dr. Abbot has been your attending for over 2 years now. Starting as an intern on an emergency med rotation and thrown to the night shift due to scheduling conflicts- you found yourself working closely under the army vet. 

His dynamic teaching and advantageous reassurance drew you to the emergency department. Deadset on surgery, you completely pivoted after working with the doctor. Declaring your specialty, you were now well into your third year of residency in the pit. 

You felt confident when you worked under Abbot. He gave you the room to make decisions and he trusted your opinions- only stepping in to assist during especially challenging moments. 

He glanced at you as his eyes passed over the board above your head. You shifted your gaze away, crumbling under the slightest look from him. 

This was new. This nervousness. You had always thought Abbot was attractive, harboring a small crush, but he was your superior and that was a boundary you would never feel comfortable crossing. 

Or so you thought. 

It happened 11 days ago. Not that you were counting. 

Your shifts had aligned that week to where you had three days off in a row, a rare occurrence. 

Since residency had put your social life on the back burner you took the opportunity to call up a couple of friends and go out.

By some means of the universe, you had ended up at the same bar as Jack that night. How you ended up in the back of his car was a blur. Skirt bunched around your waist, hips thrusting roughly into yours, hands pulling and grasping at anything they could touch, his mouth whispering dirty words and kissing soft desperate kisses against your skin. 

It was the heat of the moment. That’s what you kept telling yourself. It was a one-time thing. A mistake that wouldn’t happen again. Despite how much you secretly wanted it to. 

So you glanced away. You kept it professional. You avoided him like the plague and spent as little time as you could in his presence.  

You even traded a day shift with McKay to get a night away from him. You didn’t feel guilty or ashamed, you just didn’t want Jack to treat you differently. To see you differently. 

The calm of the ED was short-lived as the charge nurse shouted out, “Incoming ped versus vehicle. 3 minutes.”

You stood from the desk and Jack stepped out of the room he was in. You reached for gloves and moved much slower than you should’ve. 

The ambulance doors opened in a rush and the paramedics pushed in the patient on a stretcher. You were focused on snapping on your gloves. One tore as you pulled it on and you cursed under your breath, reaching for another. You listened to the paramedics as you grabbed a new one. 

“Male. 64. Was hit by a driver. Multiple femoral fractures and a blood alcohol level higher than I’ve ever seen.” The paramedic huffed and the patient slurred aggressively in response. 

You glanced up, approaching the stretcher, and your heart fell out of your chest. Your throat closed up on instinct. The patient was spewing nonsense but his demeanor was obvious. He was angry and drunk. And he was your father. 

Abbot calls out your last name, voice sharper than normal as he motions for your frozen self to come help. To do your job.

You don’t move. Your heart races uncomfortably. You hadn’t seen your dad in a few weeks. He was a drunk who had treated you like the biggest regret of his life from as far back as you could remember. 

You avoided him and only checked in on him every once and a while. Mostly to see if he was still alive. 

Even in his drunken state, your father recognized the last name Jack had spoken. The one you shared with him. 

Your father stopped squirming enough to glance up, directly at you. 

“Look who it is.” His sneer was exaggerated and he threw his head back on the gurney. 

Abbot’s brows furrowed and he looked between the man and you. 

“You know this guy?” He spoke as they moved the gurney to the trauma bay. 

The nurses tried to ask for his name and information but your father was shouting nonsense- mostly about giving him drugs to stop the pain. 

You swallow harshly and follow into Trauma 2. 

You feel like you’re in a daze. Watching your worst childhood memories clash with reality. 

“Y/n. I need your help here.” Jack snaps. 

They’re already working. Moving your dad to the bed, cutting his clothes. And you’re useless. Watching and trying not to break down.

Your dad shouts and you flinch involuntarily. He yells at the nurse for morphine. Jack is frustrated at your lack of help, but more so concerned about your behavior. 

Your dad’s head snaps up and he glares right at you. “I’m talking to you! Give me something for the fucking pain-” His words are a jumble, but you understand him loud and clear. 

“Sir-” The nurse starts and your dad shouts over her. 

He keeps his head up, his gaze and words directed at you. 

“Do you know him?” Abbot repeats his question from earlier, harsher this time as he works over the chaos. 

Your dad answers for you unintentionally, shouting your name, “Give me something, here. I’m your father for fuck’s sake!”

The room falls quiet for a beat and your stomach twists. 

“This is your dad?” Abbot’s eyebrows meet his forehead. 

“Is he an addict?” The nurse asks you. 

“Only alcohol. That I know of.” Your voice is a whisper. 

Abbot sighs harshly and the nurse moves to give your dad a stronger painkiller. 

“Right, get her out of here and send in Ellis, please.” Jack nods to another nurse. 

She grips your arm softly and you watch as your father finally stops shouting and lays his head back in a morphine-induced haze.

The nurse squeezes your arm and sits you in a chair before rushing off to get the other resident. 

You watch numbly as Ellis goes into the bay. You don’t know how long you stare at the wall for, your mind seeming to shut off. 

You hear Shen’s voice behind you and it sounds like he’s asking you a question but you’re not registering anything. 

Your stomach lurches violently and you stand, walking to the ambulance bay doors. 

They slide open and Shen calls out to you. 

You stagger to the bushes and the contents of your stomach come up. 

You cough and wipe your mouth, catching your breath. 

You grip the wall, needing something to stabilize your influx of emotions. 

His voice comes from behind you after a moment. 

“You okay?”

You turn to him and nod. 

He stands across the bay, hands on his hips. He’s unconvinced. 

He approaches you carefully, like a wounded animal, and you hate it. 

“I’m fine. I just need a minute.” You call back. 

You turn away from him and run a hand over your hair, gasping for a breath. 

His hand finds your elbow in a gentle grip and you glance his way. He doesn’t say anything. He just grabs your arm and slowly moves you to the curb outside the building. 

He sits you down and moves beside you, his knee brushing yours. 

Your eyes well up despite your best efforts. Your breath wracks and your head sags. 

You wipe at your tears as they begin to fall and try to hide your face in your shoulder. You feel his arm come around you, wrapping you in warmth. 

“You’re okay.” His voice is so steady and reassuring that you almost believe him. 

You nod, but the tears keep falling. 

“I’m sorry.”

You feel his head shake beside you. “Don’t apologize.”

Tears stream down your face and his arm squeezes you closer. You let your head fall to his shoulder and let his comfort consume you. 

Processing what just happened, you let Abbot ease your emotional toll. You feel his lips brush your hairline and your eyes squeeze shut. 

Sniffling, you sit upright again. Abbot’s hand stays on you, sliding down to rest on your back. 

“I didn’t know what to do. Or why I reacted like that. I didn’t- I wasn’t expecting to see him. Not here.” You wipe a stray tear away as you try to explain yourself. 

“From what I witnessed, your reaction tells me there’s a whole other story to your relationship with that man. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You’re a good doctor, but everyone has their limits. Things that hit close to home- or things that come from home.”

He sends you a sympathetic look and you nod at his words.

“I can’t have my best resident freezing up again. Or avoiding me. Which I know you’re doing by the way.” He raises a knowing brow.

The sigh that escapes you is full of embarrassment and nerves. 

“I don’t want to talk about it-”

“About the fact that we slept together or that your dad is an abusive drunk?”

“Jack.” 

“Either topic is up for debate.” His lips rise slightly and you can’t help but shake your head at his persistence. 

“I want to forget it ever happened. All of it.”

It’s silent for a moment and at his lack of response you turn your head to look at him. 

His words are quiet, “If that’s really what you want, I’ll never bring it up again. But if it’s not, I can’t keep pretending that I don’t care deeply for you. In a way that I definitely shouldn’t.”

His words are a punch to the gut. A reality check.

“You do?”

He nods, “Have for a while now.” 

He reaches up to brush a rouge hair off your forehead and you lean into the touch. 

“I do too. I care about you.”

His smile is small, “I figured.”

“Was it that obvious?” You cringe. 

He shakes his head, “You’re just easy to read sometimes.”

“It’s inappropriate. Us.” You state the obvious, though you know the words are a useless feat. 

“Very.” Jack huffs a laugh.

You can’t help the small laugh that escapes you. 

After a moment you speak up again, “Is my dad okay?”

“He will be. He needs surgery, but he’ll live.”

You nod. 

Jack runs his hand up your back, his lips meeting your head. He stands slowly, reaching down to grasp your hand. He pulls you to your feet gently. 

“You don’t have to see him, but if you want to I can go with you.”

“Thank you.”

He nods and starts back towards the automatic doors. 

“Jack.” You call. 

He turns, eyebrows raised in question. 

You step closer to him and repeat the sentiment. 

“I’ll look after you.” He squeezes your hand and moves back inside. 

He drives you home that night. And many more nights after that. Your dynamic changes. While still supportive and professional, it’s deeper and fervent- your relationship building a whole new layer of trust. You loved him and it was easy. No more glancing away or avoidant behaviors. You let Jack into every aspect of your life and he cherished it- nurtured it. 

He was everything you needed and more. You accepted each other in whole, scar tissue and all.