strawberryopossum

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That’s it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And, contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would.

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he just assumes stuff. 

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“i can leave the door open while i’m cleaning my bathroom,” i reasoned to myself. “surely my beloved cat, Meatball, isn’t dumb enough to try and jump into an open toilet full of Clorox”

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This boomer comic incinerated every “I hate my wife” comic instantly

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Away from the flock

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Can we please stop associating being a good person with how much you're willing to suffer in silence for other people? You can be a kind person and still say "no, I don't have the time/energy to help you with that." You can be a kind person and still say "this makes me uncomfortable, please stop." You can be a kind person and still say "I disagree and here's why." You can be kind and still say "I'm not okay with this." Being kind is about treating people with kindness and respect, not about being the human equivalent of a doormat!

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Preferred place for guys to cum?

To his senses

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You like hurt/comfort because you like the idea that someone will comfort you when you are in pain.

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Okay okay okay, so there’s this famous artist in my town who’s a tool, but he’s very successful. Everyone owns something he’s made.

Now, I personally am not big in his style- just a personal preference that has nothing to do with his personality, but it’s relevant to the story.

Anyhow, I was at the thrift store by my place the other day, and I see this super cool looking painting- and I love it, but it’s like $700 and I don’t have that kind of money.

I get to the till and the manager and I get to talking. It turns out the painting was one of this artist’s early pieces.

I’m just surprised, cause like. It’s REALLY cool looking, and nothing like his signature style.

I tell the owner I’d love to buy it, but can’t afford the tag.

SHE says, “oh, that’s not the actual price, you can have it for $300”.

I am understandably confused.

IT TURNS OUT, the artist HIMSELF absolutely HATES his early work, and when he found out this place had one of his old paintings, he tried to buy it back, supposedly so he could set it on fire or something, BUT THE OWNER THINKS HE’S AN ASS SO SHE JACKED UP THE TAG PRICE.

So. SO. She has this painting nobody wants to buy because it *says* it’s crazy expensive, but she WANTS to get rid of it, because this guy KEEPS COMING IN TO TRY AND BUY IT BACK, and SHE HATES SEEING HIM BECAUSE HE’S A TOOL.

So she is DESPERATE to sell it off, just not to him, because fuck this guy.

So I said. I said, that’s amazing. I also dislike this person. But I love this painting. And if you give me a couple weeks to save up. I will buy it off you. And he will never have it.

SHE SAID YES.

I’ve never been so excited to blow 300 bucks guys

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Every time i start a new vido game:

OH FUCK WHERE ARE THE SUBTITLES

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While feeding my fish I made a comment to my mom how one is getting a lil chubby and she suggested that maybe the fish was pregnant, but I had to break the news to her that both fish in the tank were boys and she goes “well maybe they’re gay, Natalie, did you think about that?” and I swear her tone was so perfectly condescending and Knowing™ that for a split second I actually felt bad for judging my fish’s relationship before I was like

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When someone with a legit high quality blog starts following me.:

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