streetsrot

[streetsrot]

hello hello ! i'm gonna be hanging out on ellie, if you like apocalypses, bad puns, and lil bit of violence you should give her a follow 👁

[streetsrot]

❝ sorta feels like my biz, since you're all up in mine. ❞ v's never seen a deer before, most had gone completely extinct and the ones that had survived the time of red certainly didn't hang around the city, but she can't help but think that nami looks like every photo she's ever seen of one : beautifully haunted, ethereal, and fearful of the gusts of wind that pushed them along.

her stomach twists, memories come to her in flashes : a pitch black room, cold steel against her cheek, the weightlessness of a body trapped in data, the pain of someone sifting through her memories. a familiar voice of disappointment cuts through the distorted images : oh, v... you keep going down this depressing ass memory lane and i'm gonna throw us both off a bridge.

without thinking, v glances to the left, and sure enough, crouched in the corner of the room sits johnny silverhand. not now, johnny, v spits silently. she can't handle his chastising, she needs to think straight. find a way out. ❝ you got no idea what i've dealt with, but alright, i'll bite. arlong. what makes him different ? ❞

her demeanor slips from curiosity to exhilaration, fingers thrumming with an eagerness to act. she grins and laughs, her eyes alight with a bloodthirsty excitement, and leans in as much she can against the chains, ❝ show them just how badly they fucked up in messin' with me. ❞ v leans back, ❝ i'm gonna kill 'em. ❞ she pauses, corrects herself, ❝ not all of them. just the ones that get in my way. ❞

❝ my ' deal ' is none of your business. ❞ nami leans in and hisses, but the tremble of her eyes shows fear. there's something perpetually glossed to her gaze, like she is always just a little bit lost. stuck. as if she forces herself to be removed, she won't have to think about where she is.

nami scoffs, leaning back into her own personal space. ❝ you have no idea what you're dealing with. you've been kidnapped before ? not by arlong. ❞ there was no one, and nothing, like him. nothing could instill fear in her heart the way he could. nami has spent most of her life at this point under his chain and ball, and she knows there's no way out. not until he gets everything he wants. she commends v's courage, however. it's hard not to. everything she says is everything nami wants to say.

she spares a quick glance around herself, ensuring their solitude. ❝ look, ❞ she starts, voice quiet. ❝ your chances here aren't good, but if you just comply, you won't get immediately murdered. what other choices do you think you have ? ❞

[streetsrot]

❝ you tell me. ❞ she takes a small bite of bread, gnawing on the rough texture, unbothered by the quality. ❝ saw the way you jumped when you heard his voice. ❞ it'd been impossible to miss, even in the dark. ❝ not the first time i've been locked up. not even the first time i've been kidnapped. ❞ v sighs, seemingly annoyed by this, ❝ doubt it'll be the last. ❞

outwardly, she sits unbothered, but inside, fear eats away at her piece by piece. the damp darkness infects her mind, threatening to pull her deeper and deeper into desperate anguish. v silently reminds herself of the arsenal she holds in her mind. they haven't gouged her cyberdeck out yet, which means even if they'd stolen her weapons ( which she has every intention of getting back ), she is far from defenseless. she could still fry their brains with a blink of her eyes, or fracture their mental state, or short circuit all the tech in a room. v doesn't advertise herself as a netrunner, never had, but that doesn't change the fact that she is one.

❝ 'tween the two of us ... you're lookin' worse off than me. ❞ v dangles the chains, ❝ and that's a pretty shit sign. so what's the deal ? you're with 'em, aren't you ? or is that not your choice ? ❞

the conditions are rotten. nami shouldn't care, it's only she was chained up just like v is now. she'd lived that life for years as a child, used for her skills, abused. neglected. she shouldn't care, but nami kicks the plate of molding slop out between the bars and replaces it with some of her own dinner. ❝ here. eat, and quick, before someone else walks by. ❞

as if on cue, she hears arlong's voice and is unable to conceal the full body flinch, her visceral reaction. he doesn't come down this way, because no one bothers nami when she's assigned a role, but fuck if it didn't spook her.

❝ sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else. ❞ @streetsrot muses, casually chewing on some bread as if she wasn't the one held captive. nami stiffens. ❝ what's that supposed to mean ? you think i'm the one who needs help ? ❞

[streetsrot]

[streetsrot]

𝙀𝙉𝘿𝙇𝙀𝙎𝙎 𝙀𝘿𝙄𝙏𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝙑 ▸ 6 / ?

[streetsrot]

it's odd to imagine them that young, fresh-faced and hating the world. it's odder to imagine a child in the middle of that. v can't quite see it, kerry having a child at that age or johnny even being willing to hold one, speak to one. she thinks back to what she had been doing when she was 22 — it comes with flashes of blood, desperation, an ex she'd long tried to forget — v'd been a mess. she was a bit under the impression that most people were at that age.

❝ bet he was tryin' to educate her on the dangers of the mass commoditization of the pacifier industry, wasn't he ? ❞ v jokes lightheartedly. the johnny she'd met, known, was a culmination of every person he'd ever spoken to, he was the arrangement of every mistake he'd inflicted upon others, and perhaps, most importantly, he was made up of the few glimpses of peace and joy he never had enough of.

it was because of that, v was able to laugh and to joke with him. why he would grin at her widely on rollercoasters and play guitar for her cat that they both knew couldn't hear him. and when she thinks about that version of johnny, it's far easier to imagine him relaxed and laughing, holding a conversation with an 8 month old. ❝ think johnny could find a way to have a conversation with a wall if he wanted to. there was somethin' about the way he spoke, made ya not want to take your eyes off him. ❞ even when he was yelling.

He did. Kerry couldn't smile about it, though. Honestly, he could remember how it sounded. It was so long ago at this point. Damn fuckin' shame. But... some had to go for the sake of others, even though his brain seemed to be cruel as hell. It was so much harder to remember the good memories.

Thankfully, he had old pictures of some of them, but they'd been buried away for years at this point. Had to have been in some sort of box around his place somewhere. God, he'd really need to gather up the courage to look at them, though.

"He... heh," Kerry didn't know if it was a good idea to bring this one up. If just for the fact that it hurt for he himself to remember. To remember two people from his life that were just gone.

"My ol-- My first daughter," Kerry's gaze again, staring at his hands this time. "She was born when we were both about 22. Johnny avoided her like the plague when she was tiny. But when she got bigger, he'd actually hold her when she was visiting our place." It was always an image of Johnny he'd treasure forever. Him being calm, almost sweet. Holding his little niece in his lap and trying to entertain her.

"He'd talk to her like she was a tiny person. No baby talk, nothin'. Just talkin' in that low toned voice'a his. Havin' a casual conversation with this 8 month old that couldn't actually say words, only babble out noises."

[streetsrot]

she reaches up and sandwiches nami's face between her palms, squishing her cheeks forward and back, forward and back, puckering up nami's lips and giggling to herself. v's eyes glow a light orange and she flicks the bartender the eddies for the bill, too drunk to think about the exorbitant cost. irses glimmer out to her usual violet and she shifts her position, wrapping an arm around nami's shoulders and jerking both of them forward.

❝ to takoyaki !! ❞ v nearly topples over at the sudden movement, a bellyaching laugh escaping her as the edges of her vision warp and spin, her head growing dizzy. she trips over her own feet, catching herself before she can fall face first into the floor.

she wobbles forward, incapable of walking in a straight line, but this is her city, and she could navigate it even on the brink of death. as soon as the stand comes into view, she grabs nami's hand and breaks out into a run, skidding to a stop in front of it and holding tightly to her friend so she doesn't fall. ❝ toshi ! ❞ she drags out his name and he brightens up at the sight of her. ❝ this is nami. we need takoyaki or else we're going to die. ❞

he laughs brightly, clearly unperturbed by the drunken antics, and motions to the stools at the stand. ❝ sit, sit. a friend of v is a friend of mine. two orders of takoyaki coming right up. on the house. ❞

nami is trying, truly, to keep herself invested in the conversation. the biggest concerns are as follows : she doesn't want to be philosophical right now, and she's plastered. it makes it impossible to follow along. v tips her glass as the slight remnants of the tequila dribbles onto the table, clinging to the lip of the shot glass for dear life. ❝ soooooo drunk. ❞ nami agrees dutifully.

she drags her finger through the droplets of tequila, pressing it into the wood of the table. it's not cold against her finger ; in fact, everything is so pleasantly hazy, fuzzy and numb to the edges, that she can't even be philosophical right now. the only thing she feels is good. when v starts laughing, so does nami.

her mouth splits wide and sweet like a tangerine, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls in the room. ❝ we should what ? ❞ she gasps, tequila - wet fingers coming to clutch her belly with all that laughter. by the time v gets it out, nami's almost forgotten what they were laughing about.

❝ same. i'm so hungry, ❞ the tangerine - haired girl agrees, pushing away from the table with a loud scrape of her chair to the floor. the room spins as she stands, one hand bracing against the table as she leans in, nearly nose to nose with v. ❝ if we don't get takoyaki right now, i think i'll die. ❞

[streetsrot]

she flicks the glass, lightly tipping it over onto its side and purses her lips. v's no philosopher and even if she'd had a self-identified one in her head, he'd mostly spouted bullshit. ❝ there's no point, we're all gonna die, life has no meaning. but we got the power to find our own meanin', our own path. everyone's gonna have somethin' different, and isn't that more fun ? ❞ okay, so maybe johnny had left her with a few nuggets of wisdom after all. sometimes life sucked and then you died. other times, life sucked, then you died, but god, if you didn't live first.

v laughs harder at nami's drunken tone, resting her forehead on the cool bar top, trying to erase the flush of her cheeks. ❝ got no fuckin' clue, all i know is ... ❞ she belches loudly, ❝ we're so fuckin' drunk. ❞

an idea strikes her and she brightens, ❝ we should fuck— ❞ a hiccup interrupts her and v giggles, slipping into complete hysterics, shaking her head back and forth, and animatedly motioning with her arms that her words have come out totally wrong. ❝ not what i meant, not what i, ❞ more laughter falls out, ❝ what i meant was : we should fuck up this food truck around the corner. ❞ her words briefly slur, ❝ they have takoyaki mmmm ... ❞ she hums with content, her eyes closed, dreaming of the food.

❝ and the guy'll give us a discount, cause i saved him from bein' robbed once by these losers in masks and he told me it was free takoyaki foreverrrrrrrr. ❞

the alcohol is sharp and smooth at the same time, something nami is intensely grateful for. in hindsight, she's drunk enough that nothing really registers anymore, not the burn from the tequilla, or the one that lives inside her chest. v's words mostly stick, though a piece of her knows that they won't last. by morning, this will be a forgotten memory, but for tonight ?

for tonight, nami takes the extra shot. she lifts it in salute, and throws it back. the little shot glass is brought back to the table a little too harshly. ❝ if no one's meant for anything, what's the point ? ❞ she doesn't know how to say that it's nami who is the problem. how to articulate that she is the one who hurts everyone she loves, she is the one with the lies and the cheating and the running. she can't keep a good thing. sometimes she thinks she's afraid to.

it's not funny, but nami snorts right along with v, slumping forward against the table. ❝ cancel each other out ? izzat good for us ? ❞ hiccuped, almost slurred.

[streetsrot]

Clarice Lispector, tr. by Ronald W. Sousa, The Passion According to G.H.

[streetsrot]

BOTTOMS (2023) dir. Emma Seligman

[streetsrot]

( 1 ) new message from @seafind : ' we're not going to make it. '

they'd have to fight their way up about six levels, slashing through borged out assholes with weapons they looted off dead bodies or stole from a heavily guarded armory. and then they'd have to find their way out of the maze that was the exterior park, either without being spotted or by having enough skill to remove obstacles that stood in their way. best case scenario, it was a suicide mission. worst case scenario ? they would drag her back here and mutilate her corpse for defying them.

SHE'D HAD WORSE ODDS.

and she'd done far dumber things than save herself. ❝ c'mon, you want out, don't you ? you seriously think he's ever gonna let you walk outta here ? ❞ v knew how people like arlong operated, she'd met dozens just like him, at every single stage of her life. he would use nami's skillset until he tired of it and then he'd discard her like she was nothing. ❝ you're scared, ❞ she shrugs, ❝ so what. do it scared then. ❞

she stands up, brushes the caked on blood off her knees, and rests a hand on her hip, ❝ 'm doin' this whether you're with me or not. rather die on my feet than live on my knees. ❞ v stretches, her body aches in protest, she'd been short on food and sleep and the longer she put off escaping, the worse her chances would get. ❝ we'll make it. broke into this shithole once and got out just fine. can do it again. ❞

[streetsrot]

one ( 1 ) new message from @seafind : ' i don't think i'm meant to be loved. '

she pours the both of them another shot of centzon, the tequila cost more than she could afford, but everything else was absolute shit. v lifts her glass and throws back the drink, sitting with nami's words before she considers speaking. ❝ dunno that anyone's meant for it. dunno that anyone's meant for anything. ❞ v'd heard it all before, prophecies of who she was meant to be, assurances that she was on this path for a reason. there had been a time where she might have believed it, might have even agreed with it, but any hope of it had vanished when dexter deshawn put a bullet in her skull and she learned the hard way that the only thing to come after death was the great expanse of an empty dark.

she runs a finger around the rim of her glass and her nail scratching against it emits a soft ping ping ping. ❝ think we're all just here, tryin' to make sense of livin' before we die. love just seems to happen along the way, ❞ v pouts and sighs so heavily her whole body seems to curl in on itself, ❝ but whadda i know. any love i find fucks me over or dies. ❞ she pauses and then snorts sarcastically, ❝ maybe we cancel each other out. ❞

[streetsrot]

unfortunately, he lived. indie. multiversal oc. est. 2017, as developed by g. centered on urban fantasy and comicverse themes.

[streetsrot]

continued from here with @vihrago

v smiles, drops her voice into a cool tone and holds her aim steady, ❝ wouldn't be so sure about that. killed a team of your buddies once. they dropped like fucking flies. ❞ her rap sheet was growing and bigger names were beginning to fill the lines. v'd proven that she could handle herself in the face of the impossible and she wouldn't let that rep be threatened. with her free hand, she catches the shard with ease. she'd slot it in later, once she's somewhere safe, to be sure the info is accurate.

❝ woah ... let's cool it on the whole forthcoming and cooperative thing. i'm not some punk ass bitch, 'kay ? ❞ she drops her arm, letting the gun hang by her side, ❝ you're abnormally flirtatious today. somethin' got you all worked up ? ❞ in the interactions they'd shared, it'd been easy to pick up on the fact that kendra expressed things a little bit ... differently ... than others did. ❝ not a bad thing. 'm sorta into it, but ... seems like something's botherin' you. ❞

[streetsrot]

*coughs up blood* how do i look? do i look good? was that hot?

[streetsrot]

𝙀𝙉𝘿𝙇𝙀𝙎𝙎 𝙀𝘿𝙄𝙏𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝙑 ▸ 2 / ?

[streetsrot]

Clarice Lispector, from An Apprenticeship or the Book of Pleasures