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I’ve been getting a lot of thoughtful questions lately—some in reblogs, some in messages—and while I always intend to answer every one, life sometimes gets ahead of me (especially with school out, summer routines shifting, and everyone in the house trying to share the same amount of bandwidth.)

So here’s your official invitation:

If you’ve got a question about how we live our dynamic—discipline, structure, rituals, parenting, reconnection, boundaries, or anything in between—send it my way.

You’re welcome to ask anonymously or sign your name. And if it’s something both of us can speak to, I’ll be answering a few with @hillbillyhubby in a joint post.

We’ll compile responses into one or more posts, depending on what comes in and how deep we go. And if you’ve asked something in the past and I didn’t respond—this is me making it right. Ask again. I want to honor the conversations you’re trying to start.

No question is too small, and no, you don’t need to preface it with “I hope this isn’t too personal.” If we can answer it with honesty and clarity, we will.

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Sunday Ladies #25-25-2

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Loving Wives #25-24-2

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Separating Discipline from Intimacy

One of the questions I get asked most often is how we separate discipline from intimacy—how we draw a line between correction and other aspects of our relationship, especially physical ones. And the answer is actually pretty simple: we don’t blur the line at all.

Discipline in our dynamic is its own category. It doesn’t spill into our romantic life, and it’s never confused with pleasure. For us, that clarity was crucial from the beginning. It’s not something we wanted tangled up in intimacy, where feelings, intentions, and needs can get more complex. We didn’t want discipline to become sexualized, or for intimacy to take on an unintended undertone of punishment or power imbalance. So we made a very deliberate choice: impact play and spanking are reserved strictly for discipline. Full stop.

This separation prevents subconscious confusion for both of us. I never have to wonder, “Is this a punishment or a scene?” And he never has to question whether a moment of correction might be taken as flirtation. When discipline happens, it’s marked by a completely different tone, posture, and presence. It’s firm, focused, and emotionally neutral. Not cold—but certainly not warm and fuzzy either.

There’s no seduction, no playfulness. The intention is correction, accountability, and respect. And because that space is so clearly defined, it never leaks into the rest of our connection. Our affection, our intimacy, our play—all of that exists outside the discipline space, and remains untouched by it.

For us, that boundary keeps things healthy. Safe. Honest. It allows discipline to serve its purpose, and intimacy to thrive freely.

That’s not to say this is the only way—it’s just our way. But if you’re navigating similar dynamics and feel uncertain about how to keep things clear, I always recommend starting with separation. Name your boundaries. Make them visible. And build from there.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It just has to be intentional.

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One year.

A whole year of learning, growing, testing, adjusting, and—most of all—committing.

When we first stepped into this dynamic, we didn’t know exactly what it would look like. We had hopes, we had intentions, but we also had nerves. And honestly? A healthy dose of skepticism. Would this really work for us? Would we be able to stay consistent? Could we build something sustainable—not just performative?

Now, a year later, I can say this: we’ve done something real. Something rooted.

We’ve both grown so much. We’ve challenged our comfort zones, redefined how we show up for each other, and leaned into roles that feel more natural now than we ever expected. That didn’t happen overnight. We tested limits—his and mine. We had to navigate what correction looked like, what leadership meant, what respect actually feels like in practice, not theory.

We’ve had to be honest. And brave. And sometimes really, really stubborn.

But we kept showing up. We kept choosing us—not just the idea of what this could be, but the messy, beautiful, real-time version of it that plays out every day in our home.

There’s still more to learn. There always will be. But looking back, I see a woman who has stepped into her power, a man who has embraced his accountability, and a partnership that is stronger because we were willing to be bold enough to try.

Here’s to one year of Domestic Discipline. And to everything that comes next.

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This year has been one of the most transformative of my life—not just in our relationship, but in me.

When we stepped into a DD dynamic a year ago, I thought the biggest changes would happen between the two of us. And yes, it has strengthened our bond, deepened our communication, and brought a level of consistency and intention that has changed how we move through our days together.

But what I didn’t expect was how much this would impact the way I show up for myself.

I’ve always carried a quiet fire—goals, desires, a version of myself I kept promising I’d get to “one day.” But like so many women, I let guilt take the wheel. Especially mom guilt. I’d postpone my own needs because it felt noble. Necessary. Easier.

Not anymore.

This past year, I’ve taken control of my health—losing 90lbs not out of vanity, but out of value. Because I finally stopped seeing myself as someone who only exists in service to others. I’ve stepped fully into my role as the leader of our domestic life, and with that came the clarity that if I’m going to expect his best, I need to give myself mine.

That means making time for me. That means setting the tone, not just for our home, but for my own worth. It’s not selfish. It’s not a luxury. It’s a requirement.

And the shift hasn’t stayed at home—it’s followed me to work, too.

I love what I do. I love my team. I believe in our mission. But it’s demanding, and we’ve often flown under the radar while still carrying heavy weight. A year ago, I would have kept my head down and hoped someone noticed.

Now? I make them notice.

I advocate for us. I speak our wins into every meeting that matters. I push for the resources we need to thrive. I walk into rooms with the quiet authority of a woman who knows her value—because I’ve been living it every day.

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional. About not waiting anymore. About creating the life I want to live, with the structure and accountability that works for us.

And it turns out, the more I step into my role at home, the more I rise in every other corner of my life.

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It’s been quiet around here lately—not because anything’s wrong, but because everything has been running like clockwork. You know that kind of busy where your brain stays about three spreadsheets ahead of your body? Think “accountant in tax season,” only instead of tax codes and deductions, it’s deadlines, long hours, and a to-do list that replenishes itself like magic. We’re surviving on caffeine and checklists.

And wouldn’t you know it, hubby has been exemplary. Not just good. Not just cooperative. We’re talking gold-star, “yes ma’am,” “I already took care of that,” dinner’s-on-the-table and the kitchen is clean exemplary. Funny how a packed calendar brings out his best behavior.

He knows this isn’t the time to test limits. It’s busy season—for me—and that means I don’t have the time or energy to chase compliance. Thankfully, I haven’t needed to. He’s kept his routine tight, his tone respectful, and his need for little reminders to a minimum.

That said, once things calm down, I’ve got a few ideas for how to properly reward such excellent behavior. And maybe, just maybe, remind him what happens when I do have free time on my hands…

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I do my best to not use threats of spanking in a flippant way. Spankings are serious - I’m series about the discipline and how I run the household, and I don’t want to throw around those threat frivolously. If I said it’s happening - it will, it isn’t a question any longer. If I’m lenient with the rules, the only thing being learned is that rules can be bent with no consequences - but if I’m strict, I get to reinforce that the rules and discipline come from a place of love, respect, and wanting to grow and develop together.

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Always over my lap

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Camila Cabello

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These pictures have hung in our house long before we had any type of DD arrangement. We were several months in before it dawned on me that we had wooden spoon art hanging by the door to our bedroom - something that had not alluded @hillbillyhubby at all. Sure, they are decorative, but there is also so much meaning in the growth that’s happened through DD.

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Assertive Young Ladies #25-13-2 - Brieanna James