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Catastrophize Benedictine

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Hockey Asks (you-gotta-actually-think-about-it edition)

1. which two (2) nhl players from different teams would you want to see play together?

2. build a starting lineup:

a) based on looks

b) for comedic effect

c) of players under 6 ft tall

d) with players of different nationalities

3. who would play your favourite player in a movie about their life?

4. do you see your favourite player as the hero, the villain, the anti-hero, the sidekick, the damsel in distress, the mentor, or the fool?

5. if you could change the name of a team, which team and what would you change their name to?

6. if you could add an award at the nhl awards, what would it be and who would be its inaugural recipient?

7. why is your favourite player your favourite player?

8. why is your favourite team your favourite team?

9. if you were in charge of your team’s goal song, what should it be?

10. make up a forward or defense or goaltending pairing composed of one (1) nhl player and (1) nwhl/cwhl player

11. if you were to write a biography about your favourite player, what would be the book’s title?

12. which player has the best™️ fashion taste?

13. recommend a hockey player that i should follow on twitter or instagram

14. who is a player you love but they play for a team that you hate?

15. which team has the best mascot?

16. which team has the worst mascot?

17. which team should change their mascot, into what, and why?

18. which team has the best jersey design?

19. which team has the worst jersey design?

20. what’s your all-time favourite jersey design?

21. what’s your all-time favourite hockey drama/scandal/story?

22. give me an unpopular opinion about any player or team

23. who’s your favourite non-white hockey player?

24. is there a player whom you used to hate but is now redeemed™️ in your eyes?

25. is there a player whom you used to love but is now dead to you?

26. what’s your all-time favourite hockey fic (if you read them)?

27. recommend me one (1) hockey fic (if you read them)

28. what’s your favourite tattoo that you’ve seen on a player’s body?

29. do you have any hockey superstitions? what are they?

30. what’s your favourite hockey tradition?

31. what’s your least favourite hockey tradition?

32. what’s your favourite world juniors/world championships/olympic hockey moment?

33. what’s your favourite hockey meme?

34. in another universe, your favourite player would be __________?

35. desert island: which three (3) players would you bring with you?

36. FMK but instead: Sacrifice to the Gods, Do Hard Crimes With, and Save the World With

37. who’s the first player you ever admired? why?

38. if you could bodyswap with one player for a day, who would it be?

39. who do you think is an underrated player and why?

40. give me an unpopular opinion about hockey in general

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some humour in this sad time

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im at a new level of offseason content deprivation and this temporarily revived me 

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The selfie result

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mitch: he was in my bed, but in like, a straight way

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Mitch and Connor at a Raptors game

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👀 on that first line

Also… A THEODORE AND STECHER PAIRING?!?!

Team Canada giving me what I want and I thank them for it.

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a confused (but smiley) nugget (x)

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[ HOCKEY 2018-2019 ] - end of season roundup

↳ toronto maple leafs | eastern conference [request your team]

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Bolts @ Leafs | April 4, 2019

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facts about the NHL new fans should be aware of

never trust the height listed on nhl.com. I am genuinely unsure where they get this data from. I think it’s some 60 year old man who doesn’t know how to use computers just pressing random numbers.

the playoff format makes no sense (atlantic 2 and atlantic 3 play each other in the playoffs but atlantic 1 plays one of the wild card spots, either wild card 1 if they have a lower point total at the end of the year than metro 1 or wild card spot 2 if they have a higher point total than metro 1 because the wild card can either be a metro team or an atlantic team.)

If you see the title screen “Coach’s corner” come up between periods, that’s just Canadian for ‘mute the TV.” you can thank me later. 

it should be called the National Chaos League, so if you enjoy the people who are supposed to win, winning or a consistent even keeled season. this is not the sport for you.

over all star weekend the skills competition is ALWAYS more fun than the game so if you can only watch one, it’s the skills comp. 

blood happens. the players have knives on their feet and weapons in their hands. it doesn’t happen often but it happens. 

the edmonton oilers are just one big prank on the rest of us. seriously i bet everytime someone becomes a fan of the oilers the owners are just busy cackling away in some shiny office Roger’s place

oh also like 17 pro arenas in canada are named after Rogers. good luck keeping them separate in your mind.

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diet soda isn’t gross