strovis-blog1

[strovis-blog1]

i don't know if i'm being irrational or not anymore. my boyfriend and i became a couple a month ago after a year of friendship, where he said he was a goy and he was christian. but right after a few weeks into our relationship, he tells me he's ashkenazi out of a sudden on his father's side, and he's been thinking about converting but he never got to tell me. (which my paranoid ass thinks it's a made up thing to get to me and to make me stay with him since i think about converting back to judaism too.) suddenly, he gets invited to so many jewish chats, discords, even starts talking and making jokes abt jewish traditions, and has so many friends who are jewish too. i feel extremely left out, i'm supposed to be his boyfriend and he got so many friends who are jewish in 2 days since he said he's ashkenazi, more friends than i got in two whole years of being open about my jewishness (i'm mizrahi) it feels so... weird to me. i think it's just my mental illness fucking with my senses but it makes me feel like he liked me at first just because i happened to be jewish and that gave him a chance for me to like him more or some shit by saying he's ashkenazi (i used to say all the time how much i hate goyim) and in the first days since we became boyfriends, he used to ask me a shitton of questions about jewish culture, while claiming to be a goy. and right after i tell him im disconnected from my culture (since i live in a former communist and antisemitic country where my family had to convert) he tells me 'oh well, i dont need your opinion anymore. i found out im ½ ashkenazi on my fathers side.' he makes a lot of antisemitic jokes too and uses the k slur frequently. i don't know what to do anymore, i feel like he does this just to spite me or make me feel isolated and lonely. i'm sorry to make a big ramble, but my mental health was deteriorating rly fast and i needed to vent somewhere, and none of my friends whom i trust are jewish. if someone can help me, i'd appreciate it so so much. thank you for listening. do tell if i'm just being irrational.

[strovis-blog1]

STOP I FUCKING HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH

[strovis-blog1]

if i didnt fuck it up w owain back then , then this wouldnt thave happenedr

[strovis-blog1]

me when i realize he only likes me because im jew

[strovis-blog1]

he has friends!!! unlike me, who cant make @ single friend without cutting them off out of fear

[strovis-blog1]

he gets invited to so many things just because hes a fucking ashkenazi and im a filthy jew who happens to be a poc too (mizrahi) and im literally everywhere where he is its not like im some kinda fuckkng stupid ghost!

[strovis-blog1]

[strovis-blog1]

why does he keep talking about this I'm completely disconnected from my own culture I can't fucking help you!!!!

[strovis-blog1]

Betrayal is one of the worst pains a person can possibly endure. Someone who once felt like home to you; someone you thought you could trust with your deepest, darkest thoughts, is now a distant, cold, bitter memory.

And now I’m numb to everything.

Brandon (nitrogen)

[strovis-blog1]

ugh

[strovis-blog1]

everytime he says he loves me it feels so. so damn fucking fake

[strovis-blog1]

boy i

love to die

[strovis-blog1]

i think he only likes me because i'm a fucking kike and he wants to convert in the future so he asks me 10000000 questions abt it even if im so damn disconnected from my culture

[strovis-blog1]

im like dropping hints im uncomfortable im so fucking uncomfortable