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Before I turn 24-years old in a few short days, I am reflecting on what I have learned thus far in my life. What have been the biggest discoveries this past year? Well for one, you can’t force someone to be in your life. Some people just don’t want to be, and you need to respect that decision. However, even if a person chooses to be in your life, you also can’t force them to be in your life in the way that you want them to be.

You can’t keep making excuses for them. “Oh, they’re just busy” or “Oh, I must have done something to upset them.” No, you didn’t. They just don’t want to put in the effort to be in your life that you are making to keep them there.

I am so tired of blaming myself for other people’s choices to not be completely present in my life. I always thought that if I just waited or if I incentivized them enough, they would want to talk to me and be there for me and hang out with me. And I learned waiting might or might not help and “encouraging” them to be your friend is somewhat desperate and juvenile.

If someone does not want to talk to you all of the time or hang out with you, instead they want to be the one to initiate contact with you all of the time, then you have to live with that. Either that or choose not to have them in your life. And that’s fine if you choose that. I’m just saying, you can’t decide for them how many times they want to see you or want to talk to you.

You can’t force someone to make you a priority. Or even a second, third, or fourth choice. That is totally up to them.

The biggest thing that I have learned at 23 is some people just don’t want to be in your life as much as you want to be in theirs.

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"IV Do you understand that you are exactly attractive enough and thin enough (even if you weigh four hundred pounds) and smart enough and funny enough, even if you cannot tell a knock-knock joke without fucking it up? You are exactly everything enough to the person who thinks you are. Just like when you look at them, your eyes will get all wet and girly. Because of their beauty. Even if by any ordinary, reasonable standard, they’re short and old and have bad skin. To meet your soul mate, you have to be exposed to other people. And you have to be willing to show them your soul. You have to be only yourself. If it makes you nervous or uncomfortable to do this, good. Even better. Because that’s you, too. You cannot make a mistake on a date with the right person for you. If you stand up from the table and accidentally trip and the tablecloth along with everything on it lands on the lap of the person sitting across form you…if they are the right person? That will be the moment they realize they love you. Maybe this happens when you are twenty-three. Or maybe it happens when you reach fifty-four. Or maybe seven days after your eighty-sixth birthday. Two hundred tons of ore is a great amount of ore. If, after a reasonable amount of time and effort you remain unhappily single, my suggestion is that you employ the services of a cat or dog. Both cats and dogs are known hiding places of soul mates. They are also very, very good at getting strangers to talk to them in kind voices. Which, it should be noted, could be of some use to those who might otherwise be too shy to step forward and say, hello.”

This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike. by Augusten Burroughs (via letmerememberthis)

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Are you one of those people who says on a first date, ‘I’m really not in a hurry to meet somebody, I figure if it happens, it happens’? Because those are the most desperate people of all. I’m just saying this so that if you are this person, you aren’t hiding it from anybody. There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.

Augusten Burroughs, This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike. (via quotebookshelf)

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Same.

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When someone tells me I better appreciate being young right now