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love letter to Bianca ♥︎

Alright, long and hard one. I came to PSL in 8th grade year. Still attached to my “best friend” Akilah. Never thought someone like you would come into my life. When I moved it was crazy;I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time cause you know I was happy to start anew but then I had to leave my (very toxic) best friend. Granted I made a new.. best friend? Tiyanah.. She was the new girl as well and we clicked.

Both liked anime and yaoi (Lol) but she wasn’t emotionally attached to me.. you know? Like.. we clicked cause we liked similar things but mentally we were never on the same page. I felt sometimes we just dealt with each other because it was just us new girls against the kids who regularly attended the school since 1st grade..

Besides the point, here we are 9th grade I meet you, Zaynah, Haylie. Liberal Arts, best period for me. In the beginning I was intimidated by you. Both you and Zaynah were so open about liking and being obsessed with anime. Just two cool kids who didn’t care about people. I was amazed. I was jealous of you guys relationship. I got close to Zaynah and Haylie but not you because you were reserved just as I was. Both wary of the other. Or maybe I just overthought too much and kinda thought you hated me for talking to your best friend..

But yeah for a first impression you made a huge one. Always with someone, friends with literal any weaboo or otaku you could find. Or even with normies who thought anime was chill. I was fucking taken aback. You were pretty, you have a great body, not too mention your amazing personality that just makes you become friends with anyone or make the whole class burst into laughter. I couldn’t help to be extremely jealous of you. Then you met Tiyanah and the thought of you stealing my only friend from me was why I never really got close to you freshmen year.

I was terrified of you. Obsessed as well. You were just that girl. I saw how close you got with Alyssa and was glad someone was there as your best friend. It eased my mind. Then when she left.. I was afraid again. But as all of my other fears had come to reality so did the one of Tiyanah leaving me.. Then Tiyanah left. Like all my other “best friends” I was alone. Deadass. Alone. Went to class alone. Went to lunch alone. The dudes we chilled with at lunch liked Tiyanah’s weird personality. I never really hung out with them like that. Then I saw you with your group. I managed to give myself the courage to hang with you guys. And man, did I feel out of place.

I didn’t belong there. With you or them. I wanted to leave but couldn’t stand the thought of walking around alone like a loser. While arguing in my mind every time lunch came around whether I should hide in the library or hang out in your crowd. But then, we both had the same class. At first I didn’t wanna talk with you because we weren’t as close yet. I was still jealous of you and Tiyanah’s relationship.

Then you spoke to me. Constantly banging on my wall. Kicking it. Standing by it. Laying on it. Writing on it. And I finally broke. I couldn’t help it. You just had that god damn ability to just break someone’s wall. I hate that about you. You decided to spend your time with me. I was shocked because you had everyone there who wanted to talk with you. Yet you chose to come and be with me. I really had no idea and yes I did have many doubts of you leaving me. I did also believe that maybe you came to me to replace Alyssa but I guess I came to you with the same intention.

You left me mouth agape. Lmao we skipped lunch. Talked about all kinds of shit. You made my 10th grade year, and summer so memorable. You opened up to me and I did the same to you. I fell in love with you. Honestly I wanted to be by your side every moment. I hated people stealing you away from me, but I had to realize you’re not only mine. Again I had to realize I was the loner while you had bajillion of friends. I can’t be mad though. I put place myself in that place. Alone, pushing everyone away. Being scared. Not the point. I loved our laughs,dress ups, movie dates, our dates in general. I literally never met anyone like you.

I really did cherish everything. Our Minecraft late nights. You’re really the only person I enjoy calling. Which is crazy because I HATE CALLS.

Then 11th grade year, oof. Boy did that really fuck up everything. I found out my dad had gotten asked to be hired for a job up in Orlando. In the beginning I doubted it all because things like this have happened and he hasn’t gone through with them. Then he went through with it. I was devastated. I had finally made a good fucking friend and now I’m the one leaving again. I’m leaving. I don’t want too. I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you. I’m afraid because I know how forgetful I can be. I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. Libby, Angie, Jaina, Nia, Akilah, Tiyanah, and now you..? And I know I know it’s only 2 hours away and we can call and texts but then our relationship is just like yours and Alyssa’s.

Just like I did someone can swoop in and take someone else’s space. And I’ll be in Orlando alone. Alone again. Now I don’t want to be a Debby downer.. even though all I’ve been doing is being down. But give me a break my whole world is falling apart at the seams.

I just wanted to write this, to thank you. Thank you for bothering me until I gave in and being there for me. I am so fucking glad I met you. I hope we really do stay friends forever. You’re someone I don’t want to lose. I hope this distance doesn’t distance us. I mean if we do feel like the other is distancing themselves we can remind them right? I just don’t want to lose you. Ever. I love your dumbass. Please I’ve been scared of forevers and cOmmiTmENt. But if it’s you I will face this fear. So please be my forever best friend.

🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗

-From Leila