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sttzee · 2 months

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you know how there was that tiktok and it was 'flinching everytime my bf does something or raises his hand' trend, can u plssss do that with matt. pretty please 🥺🥺

sure, but i've never posted a story before, so please bear with me ❤️

i do not know what to name this what.

SCARE - MATT STURNIOLO

contains: pet names, mention of abuse, fluff, flinching, use of y/n

!NOT PROOFREAD!

y/n's pov

*bzz* *bzz* *bzz* *bzz*

"hello?" i say sleepily, as i rub my eyes. "did you just wake up?" the other voice on the line says. "good morning to you too matthew," i groan and get off my bed, putting matt on speaker and walking into the bathroom. "it's 5:59 pm," matt replies. "i don't care!" i scream as i hear matt laugh on the other line. "someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," matt says jokingly. "shut up," i say and request to put the call on video. matt accepts and stares at me while i brush my teeth. "what?" i question, staring back at matt. "you're so beautiful," he replies with, as he continues staring at the phone. i look at myself in the mirror, my hair is a mess, i have eye crust, im wearing the most unattractive clothing and i have toothpaste dripping out of my mouth onto my chin. "yeah, i look beautiful," i scoff. "no, i was staring at myself," matt jokes. "fuck you matt," i say as i end the call. i turn on dnd mode and carry on brushing my teeth. after i brush my teeth and wash my face, i pick out an outfit. its a white knitted full sleeve top with black cargos. i straighten my hair and curl my eyelashes. i put on nick's frosted mint lip balm, grab my phone and go to the kitchen. my mum and brother are sitting on the kitchen island talking about my brother going to college. my brother is 2 years younger than me. he took the studying 'well in school' route, whereas i took the 'influencer' route. i had about 500k subscribers on youtube before i became best friends with the sturniolos and became matts' girlfriend, now i have 2m. "finally you're awake," my brother speaks. "i'm not in the mood," i reply. i take my phone off dnd mode and go back to me and matts chat.

matty boo:

plssssss y/n i was joking ur so beautiful

matty boo:

y/n ilyyyy come back on the call

missed call from matty boo

missed video call from matty boo

matty boo:

dnd mode r u serious

matty boo:

i'm coming to your house with mcdonalds, be ready

y/n:

sorry matt

matty boo:

no problem baby, i'm pulling up in 5 minutes

y/n:

okay

i exit the chat and sit next to my brother and my mum. i talk a bit and help with what colleges i think my brother should apply to.

*knock* *knock*

"who's that?" my mum questions. "matt!" i answer as i run to the door. i open it and i'm met with matt holding 2 drinks and a bag of mcdonalds in his hands. "y/n, come in my car, i have a video idea for my account." matt pleads. "okay, let me just put my shoes on," i reply with as i give matt a hug and then leave shortly to put on my white af1's. i say goodbye to my brother and mum and walk out the door with matt. we sit in the car and while he sets up, i'm watching tiktok. a couple of matt edits come and some of nick and chris. a video came up about a couple and the girl is flinching as a joke to her boyfriend whenever he moves. i think i'm going to try this on matt.

matt eventually sets up the camera and starts it. "hey guys, today i'm here with my girlfriend y/n and we are going to... read fanfics of us together that you guys made," matt says as he looks at me and smirks. "come on y/n, pull some out," matt commands. "what?" i spit. "i know you have some pull them out," matt smirks. oh i'm definitely pranking him. matt reaches to get my phone from my lap. i flinch. "what the fuck?" matts eyes go to mine in a flash as i pretend to look scared. "i'm sorry," i mutter. "it's fine," he mumbles back and starts eating his chips. i turn to the camera when he isn't looking and smirk.

matt's pov

"i know you have some, pull them out," i smirk, looking at her shocked face. i've peaked at her phone whenever she read them in bed, and i also found her account on tumblr and wattpad.

i reach for her phone in her lap, but she flinches really hard. "what the fuck," i say as i look at her face and see fear written all over it. she says sorry and i reply with an 'it's fine' and start eating my chips. why did she do that? i would never hurt her. she knows i have never laid a finger on her. she starts eating her filet-o-fish burger while she stares out of the window.

after what it seems like 5 minutes, she picks up her phone and says, "fine, i'll give you some." "okay, but give me your phone." i reply back with. "why..?" she questions as she sips on her pepsi. i quickly grab the phone out of her hand, which causes her to flinch again, but this time spilling a few drops of pepsi on herself. "fuck.." she mumbles. "okay what the fuck is going on y/n?" i say as she looks up at me. she looked like she was about to fucking cry. "nothing matt, nothing," she says, her voice being just above a whisper. "you know i love you right?" i genuinely ask. "yes matt," she says quietly, again. she usually says i love you back whenever i say that to her. does she really think that i have the intention of hurting her?

i push away the thoughts and continue with the video, scrolling through y/n's tumblr, to find a story called 'hot' by sturnnioloss (i just made that up). i click on it when she screams "no matt not that!" as she tries to grab the phone from me. i move away and push her hand away. and she flinches. again. my anxiety spikes high as i watch her face the window. "y/n?" i whisper. "hmm," she replies with, but she doesn't turn to face me. "look at me, please." i say, my voice trembles.

y/n's pov:

"look at me, please." matt says as i hear his voice starts to change into fear. i look over to matt and see tears forming in his eyes. "oh my god, matt i'm so sorry. please don't be upset baby." i say softly trying to comfort matt. he shakes his head and says, "If anyone is hurting you at home, y/n, you're always welcome to sta-" i interrupt him, "no matt, im so sorry, it was a prank i saw on tiktok and i wanted to try it. im so so so sorry, matt," i say and hold his hand. he puts the chair back and signals for me to come closer. i get up and straddle him, his arms coming to my back as mine go around his neck. "matt, i'm so sorry, baby," i say regretfully. "no sweetheart, it's okay, you just scared me." matt replies and takes the hair out of my face. he gives me a kiss on my head as i lay back down. i don't know how long we laid there, but we did for a very long time. matt could tell i was feeling sleepy so he said that i should go and lay down and he'll end the video and come.

i lay in my bed as i hear the door open, "baby, you awake still?" matt whispers. i reply with a 'hmm', and he comes and lays next to me. i turn around and burry myself in his chest as he puts his arms around me. "i'm so sorry, matt." i say again, feeling so much guilt. "no no baby, it's fine, it's forgotten now." i reply with a 'hmm' again and fall asleep, matt falling asleep right after.

a/n: i hope u like it, please let me know, im sorry if its horrible 😭

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sttzee · 3 months

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OH MY GOSHHDJDMSNGBRJR

logical part 17

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16,

summary: a longterm friendship forced their kids to grow up together. two of which couldn’t stand the thought of each other, but that all changed one saturday night.

warnings: severe mentions of loss and grief, talks of loss and grief, anxiety, panic attack, swearing

｡･ﾟﾟ･

──── january 13th, one year ago.

“I’m just saying, it’s not that bad” Nick shrugged, twirling his pencil in his hand as he looked at me. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “Deep fried goldfish seems pretty bad.” I replied.

“You say that, but you’ve never tried it.” He raised an eyebrow at me, pulling his worksheet in front of him as our teacher walked in. “Sorry I’m late. Let’s get started.” She smiled.

I pulled a pen out of my bag, sighing as I followed along the teachers notes. Taking notes was my least favorite thing about school. It was too hard to pay attention. My mind always went blank.

As my pen went back to my paper my head shot up to a frantic knock on the door. My teacher sighed gently, stopping her notes as she opened the door. Our principal stood on the other side, a piece of paper in her hand.

“Y/n?” He spoke, looking around the class. I furrowed my eyebrows, standing up. He gave me a soft smile. “Grab your bag please.” I took a deep breath, collecting my things as I walked over to the wooden door.

He shut the door behind us, placing his hand on my lower back as we walked through the empty hallway. “What’s going on?” I asked, confusion in my tone as I held tightly onto the straps of my book bag. My mind racing.

“Your grandmothers here to pick you up.” He replied, forcing soft smiles as we approached the office. My grandma, in fact, sitting on the bench, her phone in her hands before she looked up at us. “Thank you.” She spoke, walking over to me and placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Why am I leaving?” I mumbled as we walked through the school doors. She shook her head, not giving me an answer as we approached the car. “What happened— is dad okay?” I spoke again, a small frown on my face.

“Everything’s alright.” She forced her words, quickly starting the car as we drove down the street. Down the street, down the highway, straight to the hospital.

Everything was in fact not alright.

──── present.

With a small groan I writhed under my covers, hitting my alarm next to my head. The loud beeping enough to send me into cardiac arrest this early in the day.

I wasn’t going to school, but I forgot to cancel my alarms. I rubbed my eyes, instantly noticing a small box placed on my nightstand. A yellow notecard attached to the top.

Y/n,

I will be home from work early. Had to be in for the morning shift. In the meantime I found these albums for you to look at.

Love, mom

With a soft sigh I set the note to the side, opening the small box in front of me. My heart dropped as I saw hundreds of old family pictures. Pictures that we stopped taking one year ago.

Such a small box filled with so many memories. I used to hate getting my picture taken, but now I regret everytime I covered the lens. Memories are forever, life is not.

I picked up a photo, my finger running along the film. A picture of my dad and I at a local park, smiling proudly in front of the monkey bars. The same park we went to almost every weekend.

“Dad!” I exclaimed, running through the red wood chips as he ran after me. My arms flew through the air as his hands came in contact with my hips, pushing me up onto his shoulders as we ran through the park.

I laughed, setting my hands on top of his head as he spun in circles. “We’re almost there!” He shouted, pointing toward the monkey bars. The monkey bars that I could never reach.

We approached the yellow playground equipment, my hands reaching up for the cold metal. “I’ve got you.” He spoke, holding onto me as my hands moved from bar to bar.

“I’m doing it!” I shouted, continuing to move along the monkey bars. He chuckled, placing me back onto the wood chips as I reached the last one. He gave me a soft high five before pulling me against his chest, rubbing my back. “I’m proud of you.”

I sighed, pushing the picture to the bottom of the pile. The things I would do to hear those words from him again. The things I would do to hear any words from him again.

Picture by picture I looked through the piles. They ranged from the day my mom was born, to the day I was. Family vacations, parties with the Sturniolo’s, literally everything.

A small picture of me sitting on a chair with a small teddy bear in my hand caught my eye. I took the picture out, my head turning across my room. The small bear propped up against a wooden chair in the corner of my room.

“What’s the matter?” My dad spoke up. I sighed, dragging my feet along the carpet as I sat down next to him, my pink teddy bear still in my arms. “Matt’s being a jerk.” I spoke through a toothless mouth, crossing my arms.

He nodded with a raised eyebrow before shaking his head. “How’s he being a jerk?” He asked. My face was stuck in a pout as I spoke. “He won’t share his toys with me.” I frowned, looking up at him as he nodded once more.

“Did you ask if you could share?” He looked down at me. I nodded quickly. “What did he say when you asked?” He spoke again. I rolled my eyes, continuing to pout as I fidgeted with the teddy bear in my hands.

“He said only if he can play with my teddy.” I sighed. My dad let out a soft chuckle. “Did you say he could play with it?” He asked. I shook my head, holding the bear closer to my chest. “It’s mine!” I shouted gently.

“If you want to play with Matt’s toys, it’s only fair he can borrow yours as well.” He spoke once more. I sighed. I really did want to play with his toys. I nodded gently. “Fine.” I mumbled. My dad gave me a soft smile as I walked out.

That stupid teddy bear.

I shook my head, pushing that picture through the pile as well. I’m sure there was hundreds more of that same bear. My dad bought it for me on my fifth birthday. It quickly became my favorite thing. It also became Matt’s.

I let out a soft sigh as I pulled out my phone, surprised by the already flooding in texts from my friends. Oh boy.

Nick

Always here

Love you

Chris

Here for you always

We can bring food too

I smiled softly, shaking my head as I read the messages. I knew it wasn’t just a hard day for me. It was a hard day for everyone. My dad was family to them as he was to me.

Whether it was teaching them how to play baseball, going on bike rides, or coming to their rescue when they scraped their knee.

Matt

You doin ok?

Y/n

As ok as one can be

Matt

Figured

Want us to stop by?

Didn’t know if you’d wanna be alone or not

Y/n

Maybe in a few yeah

I sighed, shutting my phone off as I covered the box with the lid. I knew today would be full of reminders besides pictures. Part of me was ready for it, the other part of me wanted to disappear.

The day went by slow. It had only been a few hours since I woke up, but everything felt like it was in slow motion. It was weird to think about. One year ago at this time he would still be here. One year ago in two hours he wouldn’t.

I shook my head, pulling my blanket further to my neck as I scrolled through my phone. I’ve been in here for hours, trying to distract and prepare myself for the upcoming pity.

“Hello?” A voice rang through the hallway. I threw my comforter aside, sliding out of bed and opening the door. Nick, Chris, and Matt standing outside. This is exactly what happens when they get a key to your house.

“Hi.” I breathed out, running a hand through my messy hair to try and look somewhat presentable. Besides the fact I was in worn out sweats. The boys all looked at me.

“You can come in my room. It’s kinda messy.” I sighed with a small shrug, pushing aside and sitting back in my bed. They all walked in. Nick on the edge of my bed, Chris in my chair, Matt awkwardly leaning against the wall.

“How are you?” Nick asked, gently turning his head to me with a soft smile. I just shrugged, leaning against my headboard. “How are you guys— how’s your parents?” I replied.

Nick shrugged also. “They’re ok. We’re ok.” He gave me a reassuring smile while Chris gave me a nod. Matt stayed unnoticed along the wall.

I took a deep breath, my gaze on the window as we all sat in silence. I had reopened the album box, pictures were scattered along the floor.

For the past year I hadn’t looked at many pictures. I knew it would feel too real. Grief was a hard thing to comprehend. I know it happened, I watched it happen, I remember it all.

But at the same time it was like nothing changed. Especially when it’s someone you were so close to for so long. I had never experienced life without my dad, so when it was thrown my way, it didn’t feel like it was actually happening.

I knew if I thought too hard then it would feel real. I didn’t know if I could handle that. At least not at first. That’s why I pushed everyone away. That’s why I lost all my friends.

The day I went back to school everyone had something to say to me. They were apologizing, asking me how I was, making comments about the situation. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want any of that. Because then it was real.

Hiding is what I’m best at. I can turn invisible in a crowded room, quiet when I’m talking, dead when I’m still alive. I can hide what I know, what I think, how I feel. It was a blessing and a curse.

When things got hard I always did the same thing. Distanced myself, zoned out, and told myself everything was ok. That’s what I had always done. Although, it’s different with death.

Death is a weird thing. Something I’ve never been able to wrap my head around. When I was eight my first dog died. I didn’t understand it. He was gone? Just like that? Just disappeared.

When someone dies their soul is the only thing gone. Everything else stays behind. Their favorite books, clothes, cities. Everything else stays behind without a purpose.

I used to think it was selfish. Someone could just leave. How could they do that? How could they just leave everyone behind? I realized it was worse for the people who didn’t die. They had to deal with the heartbreak, they had to live through it. Wake up everyday and be happy.

For months I wished I could’ve been the one taking their last breath. Then I wouldn’t have went through any of this. Everything would be okay. I shook my head, taking a deep breath.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year.” Chris spoke up, a heavy breath leaving his lips as he looked down at the floor. Nick and Matt nodded. “Worst year in history.” I replied softly.

“But you made it through.” Matt spoke up, turning his head toward me. I nodded with a soft sigh. “Somehow.” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around myself gently.

“Let’s talk about something else.” I spoke again, feeling the familiar tears start to pool in my eyes. I glanced down at my lap, fidgeting with my nails.

“It’s okay to cry—” Nick started, but I quickly shook my head, cutting him off. “I’m not.” I mumbled, obviously lying as I stood up from the bed. “Are you guys thirsty— I’ll make us some lemonade.” I spoke, turning on my heel and walking down the stairs quickly.

After seven squeezed lemons, accidently spilling an entire bag of sugar on the counter, and looking through my entire kitchen for cocktail umbrellas, the lemonade was done.

I took a deep breath watching as the boys came down the stairs, hesitantly making their way through the kitchen. I turned around to face them, my back instantly coming in contact with the glass and knocking it to the floor.

My eyes widened as my hands came in contact with my mouth. My eyes glued to the shattered glass on the floor beneath me. “Are you fucking kidding me—” I let out a frustrated laugh, tears pooling in my eyes.

My hands covered my face as I leaned against the counter. “It’s okay.” Chris spoke quietly from beside me, barely audible, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

I snapped my head up, tears streaming down my cheeks. “It’s not okay! None of this is fucking okay, what do you not understand—” I argued, shaking my head. “I can’t even make a stupid drink for my friends— my dad is dead.” I took a deep breath.

“This is so stupid!” I shouted, my hands covering my face once more as my tears coated them. Who knew some shattered glass would be my breaking point of this miserable day. I continued to lean against the counter, my breathing more rapid as I felt a pair of ringed hands come in contact with my waist.

I turned around to see Matt, hands moving to my shoulders. “Let’s go outside— okay?” He spoke, tone calm as I let out deep breaths.

Just what I needed was to absolutely lose my mind in from of everyone. I nodded as he led me to the front porch. Nick and Chris staying in the kitchen. I sat on the steps, my head dropping against my knees.

He sat next to me, his hand tracing small circles on my back as cars passed by. I didn’t want to cry. I was trying to avoid it. I hated crying, especially in front of people. Especially in front of my friends. Everyone’s eyes on me.

That’s when I couldn’t disappear.

I guess it was inevitable today. Now I’m on the steps of my porch, Matt next to me as I cried to myself. I cried, and cried, and cried. He didn’t say anything and kept his hand on my back.

What a weird situation we were in.

I pulled my head up, wiping my cheeks before I turned to Matt. He was already looking at me. “Sorry.” I spoke with a soft sigh.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He shook his head, taking his hand off of my back. “Having a meltdown over broken glass?” I sighed again, shaking my head.

“You weren’t upset about the glass.” He truthfully stated, eyes still on me as I looked at the street with a nod. “I don’t give a fuck about that glass.” I replied.

He let out a soft chuckle at my words, causing me to smile slightly. “It’s okay to cry. Even if you don’t want to. It happens.” He spoke up again. I turned back to him with a soft nod. “I know.”

He nodded, bringing his thumb under my cheek and wiping a stray tear before looking around. The cold Boston air hitting our skin as our cheeks turned pink. Maybe from the cold, maybe not.

Falling in love was my worst fear when my dad died. The consuming thought not to love someone, because it wouldn’t be permanent. Of course, the small flings and hookups didn’t count.

I meant real love.

The love you only read about in books. The kind you could never find, but still searched the world for. I wanted that kind of love growing up. I looked everywhere for it. I never found it. Maybe I never found it because I was looking too hard.

Maybe it was right in front of me this whole time.

a/n: hi

@lilsstvrn @mattsmunch @iloveneilperry @ilovechrissturniolo1 @whicked-hazlatwhore @ifilwtmfc @mattsneezing @matthewsturnioloswifey @alexb25598 @st7rnioioss @paytonloiselle @carolinalikesthings @shmophsturniolo @hearts4chris @nicksmainbitch @crazycoka @creamoncreamoncream2 @breeloveschris @blueeyedbesson @iammattsturniolo @sleepysturnss @sturniolosreads @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @aurorasturnioloo @biimpanicking @chrissgirlsstuff @sturniolowhore @mayhem-72

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