stuffs-from-a-cat

[stuffs-from-a-cat]

the sooner i die, the better. I SWEAR TO LORD. what's the point in living? i don't see it, i don't get it, school's bad, home's bad, everything is bad, i suck at everything, my hobbies no longer interest me, and i'm starting to fail school. great. i love my life /s.

can't wait to die.

my only reason to live is: cats, and candy

[stuffs-from-a-cat]

my only reason to live to have a cat. any other reason to live does not apply to me.

I'M SO DONE WITH LIFEEEEEE.

[stuffs-from-a-cat]

to the dephths of hell we go, and the deep snow we trudge through

it's cold, so cold. i stand atop the roof, i wanted to gaze at the stars. the city is so polluted, im glad im here, the sky is so clear.

[gif taken from Flesh, Blood & Concrete]

[stuffs-from-a-cat]

little white dove [1]

little white dove has left you here to rot, to rot in the mud and dirt, to rot among all the scum in this world.

the nightingale has come to deliver bones, the raw bloodied bones that you grew from, maggots and mites crawl inside, consuming the marrow.

the mockingbird's songs have ended, the wind no longer flies with it, you dig a grave, a white lily wilts from the coldness

[stuffs-from-a-cat]

boredom. (aka me complaining)

have you ever felt so bored to the point that you just wanted to slam your head into your desk? or just anywhere? or maybe instead you just want to kick and punch something. well im here to tell you that i have no solution for that, but i do suggest making a list of.. anything! sometimes, i like to write a random short story, or just spam letters on a text file, but if you're like child me, who hates wasting storage space or starting a new story without finishing a previous one (mind you, i used to write very cringy fanfiction (i still do)), then... i have no other solution for you!

or... you can try stretching in your room, boring, but might help you in the long term of life. you can try drawing or doodling, or starting a collage book, the possibilities are endless but then you realize that's exactly why you're bored, there are -in fact- too many things to do.

and if you're, again, like me, then you are pretty much lonely, which means you have no one to spam messages to or no one to binge watch shows with, or your friends are just busy every day. (i have too much free time, don't i?)

even so, thoughts bore me, and maybe they bore you too. the world is such a bore! no hobbies, no interests, no talent, and you simply fear failure, which means your list of want-to-dos are even shorter!

i enjoy listening to music, but once you're listening to music.. what else is there to do really? your ears are occupied, but what about your hands, feet, mind and eyes?

maybe you have something you actually want to do, but your parents disapprove of it, or it requires you to overcome fear of the public's eye, or maybe you just don't have the needed items for it. i, for example, love decorating tiny notebooks with collage stickers, issue is, it's difficult to find decent stickers that do not cost more than they should, and i do not have a driver's license which means i'm blocked from traveling to places unless my parents accompany me (sad, terribly sad).

i also like watching tv shows, but it's boring without company, and playing video games alone becomes boring sometimes. worst part might also be the fact that you suck at video games and have trashy internet.

you could have many personal projects, but... NO MOTIVATION!! oh no!! ive tried to start a minecraft smp with a friend once, but we both lack focus and participation in contributing to it, and two people starting a smp with ONLY two people in it in total? absolute failure. and as forementioned, i write, but writer's block loves to come and pay a 6 month-long visit, so the millions of story prompts and text docs have been on the forgotten-shelf for quite the time.

coding has been an interest of mine for about 2 months -which is a record considering how quickly i move on from hobbies- and ive mainly been trying to do game dev, but! as someone who is under 16 years old, it is difficult to learn such things without proper lessons on how coding languages even work. ive managed most of it, such as the outlining and just displaying text, but then another problem came up.. assets, what's a game without assets? using online free assets would have been a great thing because at least i get to practice displaying images and trying animation, but my arrogant mind wanted to create my own characters.. which leads to -surprisee- another period of ✨no motivation✨. lovely, that game has never appeared in my agenda ever again.

because then i decided to try animating in alight motion! that one actually made progress, but there were a lot of limits to using such a complex app on a very limited storage tablet that crashes every time i attempt to use graphs. but then again, at least i got somewhere with animating eye blinking (very crappy indeed).

maybe instead i would find interest in gaming again- oh nope! my computer breaks after moving to a new country and now my internet sucks even more! goodbye to my 2 year old sims4 game and my blender projects! nice, so now i have to reinstall sims4 and roblox and maybe if i did have more storage, i could redownload blender! but oh no... my new computer only has a intel i3 core that can't even let me write this post on tumblr without lagging! not to mention internet speed limits + data limit (i have to use mobile hotspot, and before anyone says 55 GB is enough per month, i am someone who searches on google 300+ times per day and results do use quite the bit, so does scrolling through youtube shorts).

sigh. what can I do? my friends are a 9 hour flight away and they don't talk to me, my parents don't believe that depression exists, and i have no motivation and am too lazy to do shit. what to do? i have no idea. but if anyone plays rhythm hive let me know..

[stuffs-from-a-cat]

for fun

[7] zbwwvya ilopuk lclyfaopun

::https://i.ibb.co/d7t6Kc4/download.png