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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

Note

Could I possibly request a Kaz imagine where the gang needs to split up and you end up severely wounded. Kaz gets extremely furious, an understatement, at whoever put you in this position and also really worried since you are very special to him: you guys are still in the early stages of your relationship so Kaz is still a little new to the whole comforting and being there for you part but you can bet that he is not leaving until he knows you’re okay

Just a lil’ angsty but super fluffy at the end 🥺🥺 Thank you so much if you want to write this.

fluffy kaz w angst is like the best duo it makes me feel so warm hehe

stairs.

Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Summary : hehe the request. also this was fun to write.

Warnings : swearing; unedited.

Word Count : 868

A/N : my hand keeps trembling and it won't stop what is happening.

the masterlist.

request here.

"How far's my flat?" You grimace as you hold tightly onto Kaz's arm each step staggers after last. You can feel Kaz beginning to feel the weight as he limps, holding his cane with a ferocious firmness.

"I can see the sign," he replies, you can feel him almost shake as you hold onto him. You'd told him you were fine but he insisted after everybody had left in the alleyway.

The two of you had been trudging for a solid five minutes now, making slow progress.

"We're here," Kaz states, doing his best to help you stand up straight, but you can feel his hesitance as he touches you.

Desperate to get inside you push open the door with your elbow. Your face falls when you see steps of stairs. You had completely forgotten that your cheap flat was four stories high.

"Saints," you whisper staring wide-eyed and in dismay at the staircase.

"I'll-" Kaz starts, he also stares at the treacherous staircase. "I'll carry- carry you...?"

"No, it's fine Kaz, don't worry about it," you reply, hopping over to grasp the railing, feeling sick when your skin makes contact with the cold iron metal.

"I'll carry you," Kaz repeats, this time more certain.

"Kaz, your leg. You should be going back anyway,"

"I'll carry you," Kaz once again repeats, though, this it's demanding. You know there's no point in arguing, so you shift yourself into Kaz's arms.

You had been afraid that he'd accidentally drop you from the pain in his leg, however he's quite strong and you can feel the tense strength in his arms.

Slowly but surely the two of you ascend up the dingy staircase that could fall apart at any second. You were about to suggest that you could walk up the final story, but one look at Kaz's face silences you. His eyes are narrow with perseverance, so you don't bother.

He only let's you stand back up when he carries you to your flat door. You had expected Kaz to leave as you search through your pocket for your key, but he doesn't.

"Kaz, you don't have to stay if you don't want to," you assure him as you enter the flat, stumbling around to any object you can hold on to.

"I'm not leaving until you're in bed," he objects, closing the flat door behind him and following as you hop around.

"It's fine Kaz," you argue, not wanting him to go out of his way.

"No it's not," he snaps, which takes you by surprise. "Your stomach is impaled and you're hopping around Ketterdam like a bird with a broken wing. I'm going to get Pekka Collins if it's the last fucking thing I do."

"It'll just leave a scar. I'll be fine," you assure, making your way to the bedroom. Kaz follows.

"I should've known better than to let you guys go down the east wing. I knew it, I knew there'd be people down there," he paces around the bedroom, speaking through gritted teeth.

"Kaz, it's late you should go home," you suggest as you try and find pajamas that you'd let get ruined with blood.

"No, and how could I let Jesper use the- the- whatever he calls them," Kaz continues with his tangent, his cane hits the wooden floor with every step. It was beginning to give you a headache, "I should've been by you at the beginning not at the entrance while you guys were getting-"

"Kaz, we're all ok, ok?" You reassure, hobbling as close as possible to Kaz without falling, looking him in the eyes.

"Ok," his gaze relaxes as it meets yours.

"Alright so-"

"I'm not leaving until you're in bed," he shakes his head at your impudence.

Begrudgingly you stumble to the bathroom to change into the pajamas you decided on, and then you slip into bed. Kaz just stands by the bedroom door, watching as you get comfortable under the covers.

"Kaz-" you begin, snuggling under the mildly scratchy blankets.

"Go to bed Y/N," he directs, his eyes flicker from you and the bed.

"But-"

"Goodnight," he silences you with one word, and you ultimately surrender.

Grumbling, you flip over in bed, immediately regretting the decision as you've fallen on a sore spot. You return to laying on you back and when you take a peek, opening your eyes, Kaz remains standing by the bedroom door.

You let out an exhausted sigh before closing your eyes again, and for the rest of the night you don't open them again.

*****

Your eyelids flutter open as the a sliver of sunlight shines in through the drawn curtains.

You wince when you try and sit up, forgetting the events of last night.

Exhausted and sore you grip the covers tightly as you push yourself up. It's only when you turn your head you crack a small grin.

To your left Kaz sits in a chair, slumped down and snoozing away. His cane is still in hand and his fedora is tilted a bit too much to the side. The sight makes you giggle and Kaz slowly wakes up, his eyes lighting up when he sees you in a good mood.

**********

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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

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UNFOLDED | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: Your and Kaz's relationship gets exposed and you see something Kaz has tried to hide from you.

Character: Y/N (female), Kaz Brekker, Pekka Rollins and Inej Ghafa

A/N: Argh, I’m so nervous. Rowan and Lottie made pieces from this very scene but I swear I got this idea on my own (not requested) in like May and I have proof of it from the start of June (because I told a friend about it). Stuff just got in the way. I ended up editing this quite roughly from its original form and the POV switches between Kaz and Y/N because of that, also because I wanted to bring out both aspects because there's so much going on but I think that now it's kinda messy. But I hope it's still ok and you'll enjoy it!

Warnings: violence, panic attack, PTSD, mentions of death, threatening, angst (hurt/comfort) also cheese and soft!Kaz in the end.

Word count: 2.4k

“Maybe I’m not here when you get back.” Inej snapped and started storming out Kaz’s office. Kaz’s steps quickly followed her.

“Inej!” Kaz called after The Wraith as he appeared to the doorway, but he just saw you, sitting by the opened window, a book on your lap. You shook your head at your boyfriend slightly, which made Kaz groan.

“Y/N, I don’t want to listen to any lectures right now. It was wrong of me to shout at Inej.”

“Yeah. I know you know that. That’s why I’m not lecturing you.” you nodded and put your book aside. “You know, your brains would work better if you allowed yourself to rest for just a moment. You haven't slept properly for days. You would also be less of a dick if you just rested for a moment.”

“I can’t rest. It’s a million kruge, Y/N.” Kaz took in a deep sigh and returned to his worktable. “But I can’t figure it out on time. Sunrise is in six hours.”

“I know. And I’ll help you.” you sighed and followed him to his worktable, sitting down across from him, slowly starting to go through his scribbles for possible plans. “I guess I just would want to make up an excuse to keep you here with me for longer, but I know that this job is important to you, and the Crow Club." you sighed and lifted your gaze to Kaz, who tapped his quill to yet another blank paper.

He nodded slightly. "That's why I need the plan as quickly as possible."

You closed your eyes for a moment, before opening them and blurting out, "It’s just that… every time you go on your missions, I’m afraid that you won’t return. That I'd receive a word that they finally got you, and you're imprisoned or dead.”

Kaz paused to look at you. His eyes softened a little, just enough for you to notice. “I’m always coming back for you.”

“I know, at least when Inej is with you.” you glanced at the direction of the window, and Kaz leaned back on his chair and ran his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know where she is. The Wraith is good at disappearing, and she can't be away for too long, we need her to make this heist.” Kaz muttered as he stood up and opened the secret observation hatch where he could peek through at the Crow Club.

“She couldn’t have gone far. She probably takes a short walk to calm her nerves and then comes back. I can-”

Creak.

You looked at each other, the same assumption in mind, and you smiled softly, nodding towards the doorway. “Go on.”

Kaz nodded, closing the observation hatch and making his way towards the door. “Inej, listen, I-”

You were planning to go to another room to let Kaz and Inej speak without you staring at them, but you were stopped when you saw large shadows coming to the office. Your breath hitched, it definitely wasn’t Inej.

Three men came to the office, surrounding Kaz. You looked around for an object to use to fight if needed, but the most dangerous thing near you was a quill, and you were pretty sure you’d just snap it.

How did Inej teach self-defense again? You cursed the fact that you hadn’t practiced more, you didn’t remember much else but how to block attacks. Inej had only given you a few lessons as Kaz had only recently told her to teach you. Kaz took his cane and started fighting the two men while the third came towards you. And despite your hopes, you were no challenge for him as he took a hold of your hand before it made contact with his face and twisted it behind your back, making you cry out. He then took a hold of your hair to expose your neck. You heard how he took out something, you could see a piece of metal glinting against the light of the office and soon you felt a slight tingling on your throat as a sharp blade was pressed against it, drawing out just a tiny amount of blood. And just a little more pressure, and your throat could be sliced open.

You caught Kaz’s eyes as you both were detained, and he stopped fighting back on that instant.

“Don’t touch her!” he wanted to scream as he looked at that big guy taking a firm hold of your hair, yanking your hair back as he held a knife to your throat. But instead, he remained silent and forced himself to avert his eyes off you. He couldn’t let them know that you were his weak link, because then you could be used against Kaz, like a pawn in a sick game.

These times, he really wished that he was still that boy who hadn’t even met you. The boy who didn’t feel anything for anyone and would have been able to sacrifice everyone for his own profit. If he would still be that boy, you would be safe. You wouldn’t have been in his office to calm his nerves with angering Inej. You wouldn’t be held in place by some brute who could slit your throat with a flick of a wrist.

“Evening.” Pekka appeared to the doorway, and you swallowed thickly at the sight of him. You vaguely knew what Pekka had done to Kaz, and what could happen if he remembered those two boys who had been working for him. If this man behind you wouldn’t have a knife on your throat, you would have kicked his balls up to his throat so you could fight back, force Pekka out. But in the situation you were, that wasn’t an option. So you watched helplessly as Pekka slowly walked towards Kaz.

Don’t recognize him, please don’t recognize him.

Pekka showed no sign of surprise or recognition though as he sat in front of Kaz, and you let out a shaky sigh of relief. Suddenly, Pekka’s goon threw Kaz’s cane at Pekka and Kaz tried to get away from the man’s grasp, which caused the goon gripping him tighter. You heard Kaz’s breath becoming more ragged from pure rage, and you understood exactly why. On that moment, you wanted to kill Pekka too.

“Now, I know you saw Dreesen.” Pekka started. “You got the jump on whatever job he has… I don’t know the details, obviously, just that you have a little travel hazard ahead of you. So, here’s the deal… you can do nothing, walk away from it, and I’ll tell Dreesen I’m taking over for you. Then we’re even.”

“Not even close.” Kaz rasped out and you let out an agreeing huff from behind him.

“Hang on…” Pekka stuck Kaz’s cane against his neck. “The other option is, that I’ll cave your head in with your own cane and dump you and your girlfriend in the harbor.” Pekka smirked slightly as he glanced up at you, making Kaz feel a slight pang of terror when he realized that Pekka already knew that you were his weak link. Some Dime Lion rats must have seen you together before. Kaz cursed the fact that he must have laid fond glances at you, let his guard down on the wrong moment. Cursed how he had fallen for someone - for you, who wasn't much of a fighter. “That first option seems better now, don’t it?”

Pekka let go of Kaz’s neck and stood up. But Kaz just had to play with his life, and asked a question you had been fearing.

“Tell me, have we ever made a deal before?”

You let out a tiny whimper.

No no no, don’t recognize him…

“You and me? Nah… otherwise you’d know better. Or you’d be dead.”

With that, they left, and the man holding you pushed you to the floor. You coughed a few times as the pressure from your throat was gone, and you heard Pekka and his goonies leave the Club as the Club went silent when they strode across the main space. You rolled over to see Kaz, still crouched down, staring at the floor with ragged breaths. You immediately knew that something is wrong.

“What’s the matter?” you crawled in front of him and tried to catch his eyes, but he just lowered his head so you were unable to. “Kaz, talk to me, please.”

He didn’t, his breathing just quickened and he clenched his hands to fists against the rug, he was sweating and you caught a tear falling out of his eyes. You started to panic, he wasn’t okay, something was happening.

“Jordie…” he choked out and you frowned at his brother’s name. He sank lower, his face almost touching the rug and you swallowed, watching the scene.

“Are you hurting somewhere?” you asked, still clueless what was happening. He didn’t answer. “Kaz?”

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” he whispered, barely audible for you to hear. He shook and everything in him screamed that he wasn’t the Kaz you knew. He was something much smaller. Someone he would call weak.

After a moment, his shaking started to go away and you tried again.

“Kaz? Are you-”

He shook his head sharply, silencing you and you heard him trying to calm his breathing. It was still shaky and ragged, but he was attempting to take in long breaths, and that’s when you had a wave of relief. Whatever it was, it was passing. You could calm yourself down as Kaz did too, and he looked up again, still not meeting your eyes. You saw the bruise starting to form on the side of his face and your fingertips hovered over it as your brows furrowed in concern. You stood up and went to take a rag, which you dipped in cold water and returned to gently tap the bruise, careful not to let your fingers touch his skin. You knew Kaz didn’t want to talk right now, you had known him long enough to recognize it from his face and posture.

Kaz was embarrassed for having you see him like that, like a kicked puppy. Weak. He had never told you about his “episodes” and he had hoped he wouldn’t have to. He had vaguely told you about Jordie and his history with Pekka, but he had never told you the real reason why he didn’t want to be touched. That seeing Jordie dead wasn't the only thing that left him having nightmares. You didn't know that Kaz had also been thrown to Reaper's Barge, and that he had had to use Jordie as a float to get back to the shore. Maybe he was afraid you’d pity him. He didn't need pity. He needed revenge. And you were the last person he wanted to pity him.

He knew you wouldn't be like that though. You had been friends for years even when you hadn't been dating for very long, and Kaz wanted to tell you everything. But he was afraid. Afraid of living it all over again. Afraid that he would ruin your relationship by telling you something so brutal and the story of how he became Kaz Brekker. He had built his relationship with you as Kaz Brekker. He didn’t need Rietveld to come and mess it up.

He took his cane from you after you retreated from him, still not looking at you and left his office without another word. You knew better than to follow him, he needed time to recover on his own. Whatever it was that had happened. You gathered some of his papers from the floor that had been sent flying during the brawling and folded them neatly on the desk, and lifted the chair back up. You took in a deep sigh and made your way to the bedroom, sitting on your bed opposite from Kaz’s.

You knew your boyfriend wouldn’t come to bed tonight, and he’d be gone by the morning. He would find a way to cross the Fold, you knew he would, but in that state of distress, you weren’t sure if he would be able to come to say his usual goodbyes.

You took out your book again, returning to read it and determined to stay awake until sunrise. But sleep caught you and you succumbed to it.

---

“Y/N.” you heard Kaz’s voice call out. You groaned. “We found the way across the Fold.” That stirred you awake, and you opened your eyes, feeling like you had slept for just five minutes.

“That’s great.” you smiled tiredly and sadly. Kaz took in a deep sigh, suddenly in visible discomfort.

“Y/N, listen, I’m…”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me. And you don’t have to explain. Let’s do it when you’re ready.” you sat up a bit, your body screamed at you to sleep a little longer but you forced yourself to stay awake for Kaz. You wanted to be with him for these last moments before he would leave to Ravka for Saints know how long.

Kaz nodded briefly and took a few steps closer to you. He searched your face for a moment, before he placed his gloved hand on your cheek faintly and pressed his lips against your forehead. They were barely there, you didn't really feel his lips, only his breath fanning over your forehead, but still being so close to him felt intimate and tender. You knew it was yet another step for Kaz with showing affection, and it left your heart pounding louder than ever and a wide smile spread on your face when he pulled away.

“Thank you.” he muttered, his gloved hand briefly grazing your cheek.

Then he turned, slowly making his way out from his office. You looked after him until he closed the door, and you let yourself fall back on the bed.

That kiss, even when it was barely there, was Kaz’s promise to come back. And with that in mind, you could calm yourself and not worry so much.

He would come back to you. He would always come back to you.

---

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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

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[x] IMAGINE KAZ HOLDING YOUR HAND TO HELP YOU SLEEP.

loosely based on this photoset, sent to me by imabirrrb!

---

The night had fallen upon Ketterdam. Drunk men leaving the Crow Club, thrown out or by themselves told it on its own, and the fact that Kaz sat by his desk, writing down notes and documents, like every night.

"You look so handsome when you work," a quiet and tired voice was heard at the dark corner of the room. Kaz sighed.

"Go to sleep, Y/N," he ordered you which earned some shuffling from you, and Kaz knew you did the opposite and sat up against the bed frame. He stopped writing, turning his gaze on you. "Y/N."

You fell silent for a moment, but Kaz knew you were watching him from the darkness. He could see the whites of your eyes glimmer from his lamp.

"I'm not tired. And I like to look at you when you work," you finally mumbled to him with a big yawn.

Kaz sighed at your stubbornness and made his way to your bed, sitting at the side of it. You looked at him, wondering what he'd do next. Your eyelids were drooping, your body screamed for some rest, but you were afraid of living it all over again if you succumbed to sleep.

He stared at your hand for a moment, before slowly taking his glove off and taking a faint hold of your hand.

You had held hands before, but Kaz still didn't do it unless he thought it was necessary. And in this case, it was necessary, you hadn't slept properly for days after the incident, the gun against your temple haunting your dreams. For a moment, you were sure you would die, and Kaz believed so too. For the first time ever, Dirtyhands was considering on begging for your life, to drop his cold and uncaring facade in front of his enemies and make himself vulnerable.

Fortunately Inej had sneaked herself to a blind corner and her knife had landed on the man's head and you had reacted quickly, you immediately kicked the back of the other man's leg in front of you before he even realized what had just happened, and Kaz had bashed his head in with his cane. You had tried to play it off as nothing, but the following nights, you had started to dream about it over and over again. And now it had come to the point where you were afraid of sleeping.

Not that you confessed it, but Kaz recognized the signs. He knew far too well how it felt, and despite you holding his hand during his nightmares of Jordie would only make it worse, he knew that it could help you.

"Go to sleep. I'll keep holding your hand as long as I can," Kaz whispered to you and you stared at him for a moment, before you lowered yourself down from the bed frame and snuggled under your warm covers.

"Promise?" you muttered, trying to hold back your will to squeeze his hand. Kaz nodded and as if he read your thoughts, he gave your hand a brief squeeze. He watched you close your eyes and slowly travel to dream land.

And that night, you didn't see that nightmare again.

---

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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

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IN THE DARKNESS | KAZ BREKKER

Based on Work Song by Hozier: When my time comes around / Lay me gently in the cold dark earth / No grave can hold my body down / I'll crawl home to him - requested by anon

Summary: Pekka Rollins has a proposition for Kaz that's doomed to be turned down, but that's exactly why he uses Y/N to encourage Kaz to take his offer.

Fandom: Shadow and Bone

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Y/N (gn, they/them), Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Matthias Helvar, Pekka Rollins

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

A/N: Places itself to the time when Kaz had started to show his claws around Ketterdam and Pekka didn't know anything about his personal grudges. I hope you like it, it came out as a oneshot 💕 Also in case there's a hardcore Hozier fan who knows that the lyrics are wrong, yes, I changed "I'll crawl home to her" to "I'll crawl home to him" because a) this is gender neutral and b) I got an idea which needed that part to be changed for it to make sense 😄

Warnings: mentions of death, blood, violence

Word count: 1.4k

The evening at the Crow Club was dead silent except for Nina's soft sobs against Matthias' shoulder. Kaz just sat there, staring at the nothingness, clearly plotting for yet another revenge at Pekka Rollins.

Just that morning, you and Kaz had encountered some Dime Lions at the Dreg territory. Of course, you took most down, but as Kaz was fighting one of the bigger guys, he didn't notice how you had gotten surprised from behind, knocked out and taken away. It quickly became clear that it had been a trap, and those Dime Lions were supposed to be sentenced to death or badly injured in order to kidnap you. And when Kaz had noticed that you're gone, he knew it had been a trap.

He had been so stupid. Of course it had been a trap, Dime Lions were too smart to be on the Dreg territory in so small numbers, and they knew that stepping into Dreg territory basically means fire on sight, no questions asked. And Kaz knew where you had been taken to, and Pekka wanted him to come alone.

So he had gone to the Emerald Palace, where you had been tied to a chair in Pekka's office, and Kaz wanted to kill everyone in the room when he saw you. There was dried blood at the corner of your mouth, multiple bruises were forming around your body and your arm looked dislocated. You couldn't even move your fingers, as they had all been broken.

"You'll pay for this," Kaz hissed, clenching his fists tightly.

"Oh, I know," Pekka smirked, and gestured to you. "Sweet, sweet Y/N, who has stolen the heart of a boy who has more reputation than most here at the Barrel."

Kaz's eyes narrowed dangerously. He could tell that you were barely conscious, but you tried to shake your head anyway.

"I didn't tell him anything, Kaz," you choked out through your bloody lips.

Pekka rolled his eyes, and a goon beside you hit you with his gun. "You won't speak unless you're spoken to by boss!" he growled.

"So," Pekka said, turning to Kaz. "Did you really think you could just walk into my territory and take what you want? To try to hurt me?"

Kaz snarled, "I'd do anything to hurt you and your gang."

Pekka laughed, clapping his hands together mockingly. "Yes, and that's exactly why I have a proposition for you. Something you won't like, but that's why Mx. L/N is here to help you make that decision. You have a mind, will to hurt, to make people suffer. If only you weren't such an idiot and work for that old Haskell... you could be so much more within my ranks."

"Shut up!" Kaz yelled, and then his eyes darkened as he growled, "I'd never join you."

"I don't know what has Haskell done or promised to you for you stay so loyal to him, but if you don't start behaving, someone is going to get hurt," Pekka replied, and then he turned to you. "Speaking of that, let's talk about your friend here. Or rather, your partner. You love them, is that correct?"

Kaz didn't answer anything. He just kept glaring at Pekka.

"Yes, yes, you're very protective," Pekka said, rolling his eyes. "But we can work with that. In fact, if you help us, you might get to keep them. They're quite a prize, aren't they? Strong, loyal, brave...and young. What's more, they seem to have a knack for getting into trouble. Why, I wonder? I thought you'd teach them better for the rules of the Barrel as you chose to love them... but as you surely know, loyalty and love are weaknesses and can be used against you."

Kaz remained silent. Pekka grinned again.

"What do you say? Will you join our little group? And what's more, will you make sure that your precious Y/N doesn't end up in any further danger?"

Again, Kaz remained silent.

"You know what, Brekker?" Pekka said, leaning forward. "You're not good enough for them. At least, not yet. So, I'll give you one chance. One last chance. Join the Dime Lions, leave that old Haskell and join my ranks, we could have use for you."

"Kaz, don't," you squeaked out, only to be silenced by the same goon beside you.

Kaz hated himself for actually considering it - Pekka was the reason Jordie was dead, he hated him and working for him was the last thing he'd do. You knew that Pekka had killed Jordie, too.

If he said no, Pekka would likely kill you. If he said yes - he would betray Jordie's memory. Neither option was good. But the question was, which was worse?

After a while of him just staring at Pekka, he lifted his chin up just a tiniest bit.

"I'll never join you."

And the moment those words left his mouth, he felt a sting in his stomach. Regret. But he still couldn't bring himself to take his decision back.

Pekka sighed, leaning back into his desk and tutted. "I was afraid you would say that. Very well. I have no option than to let your precious Y/N go, then."

Pekka nodded at the goon who untied your straps and forced you to stand up and walk up to Kaz. You barely got to make an eye contact with him before a shot was heard, and you fell to the ground, lifeless. They all laughed, but Kaz heard it as distant echoes as he saw a puddle of blood forming around you, and soon he felt himself being dragged out, your body being thrown next to him to the rainy street.

He had brought you to the Slat, vomiting a few times while at it, almost fainting on the street, but despite that he forced himself to keep going, and once he was at the Slat, he told his Crows to help you to be ready to be buried. After that, everything had been black.

So there they were, the six of Crows sitting around the Slat's main space, Nina still sobbing against Matthias' shoulder, Inej sitting on the windowsill, just staring blankly at the rain outside, Jesper's jokes gone for once and instead, deep in his thoughts as Wylan held his hand with tear-stained cheeks, and Kaz - Kaz just staring at the spot on the floor, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Only seeing his expression told everyone that he planned for a cruel, slow, torturous murder for Pekka Rollins for killing you.

You were on the table at the cold store room, as the ground was too frozen to dig right now. After a while of everyone just sitting there, Nina's sobs faded away, and she lifted her head from Matthias' shoulder.

"I hear a heartbeat," she choked out. "It sounds like... Y/N's heartbeat."

Everyone but Kaz turned to look at her. Kaz just took in a deep sigh. "Don't play games with me, Zenik."

"No, Kaz, wait..." Kaz heard Nina stand up and slowly making her way towards the cold store room, wiping her eyes and nose in the process. "What if they survived? Sometimes our body goes to shock after injury, and our heartbeats slow down so much that even heartrenders have difficulty hearing it. It's rare, I've never experienced anything like it, but..."

Her tone sounded hopeful now, and Kaz hated it. "Stop it, Zenik."

"Kaz-" Inej tried to intervene and he snapped to look at her, with eyes that made her shut up.

"They can't be alive, they can't be. They were shot, they lost a lot of blood and Nina didn't detect a heartbeat. They're dead." he growled, but Nina was already going to the cold store room.

"Oh Saints!" she exclaimed. "Matthias, come quick, we have to get Y/N to their bed, and they need lots of blankets!"

Kaz's eyes widened at her words - Y/N was alive?

They can't be, a voice inside him said. You're destined to be alone.

But after a couple of weeks, seeing you open your eyes for the first time after being shot, made all his remaining doubts melt away. You were alive, you were breathing. You wouldn't be yet another thing that would fuel Kaz's ruthless reputation - you were home.

"I'd always come home to you - by crawling if not else," you had croaked out when Kaz had told you that they all thought you're dead, and you would have been buried alive if ground hadn't been frozen over.

Pekka would still pay for what he did to you, but he wouldn't have to pay for your death. You were alive, you were breathing. And that was the greatest thing that mattered.

---

Feedback makes me jump and squeal and also encourages me to write more so please leave some!! And I always answer to my feedback too c:

You can also give some constructive criticism if you find something to point out!

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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

Text

The River

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Requested by Anonymous

Summary: What if the river had taken him that night?

Keep reading

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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

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Kaz Brekker | My Lifeline

Fluff (Angst if you squint) Kaz Brekker x reader

Warnings injury, swearing

Song Dark Red- Steve Lacy

Synopsis You’ve been married to Kaz for a year and it’s a secret to all. After you go on a heist, it all goes a tad bit wrong…

A/N This was so fun to write, have fun reading! Last Kaz fic for a while, planning something…

W/C 2.1k

Another day, another heist.

That’s how it’s always been, since the ripe age of 15 you’d been helping Kaz with his funny little heists, not so funny any more of course, considering the fact that you’d killed a grand total of five people.

Killed, ended their lives.

The first time, you were sixteen. You threw up immediately after, and couldn’t eat for a day. You couldn’t get over it, and couldn’t sleep, so at night you would sit on the roof, staring at the stars, hoping to find a way to right the feeling of guilt you carried. The person you killed was a no good piece of shit, yet taking a human life felt so wrong, and so painful.

It was then, when you sat on the roof looking at the stars that Kaz came to sit next to you, silently. Not a single word was uttered between the two of you, it was not needed. You both knew how the other felt, it had always been like that. You could say that it was his company that healed you, that after all that you had been through only Kaz made it better, let you forget the horrors both of you saw. Since therapy was nowhere to be found in the entirety of Ketterdam, talking to each other became the best alternative. Ingenious on both of your parts. Silent comfort let you grow closer to each other, and slowly, he started talking, opening up to you.

Every night without fail he would be on the roof, and you too would be right next to him. It became a routine and each time he said a few more words to you. Until he began telling stories of a time where life wasn’t so hard, and he told you about Jordie, about the time when he could still shake hands with someone.

In spite of himself, he began to fall in love with you. His anecdotes and simple “good nights” became something you looked forward to each day; and it was then you realised that you too were in love with him, and you hoped so much that he too was in love with you. It was kept hidden, your affection, and his too. Until, two years later, after the events at the Ice court, he asked you to be his, and from there on your dreams became reality.

By the time you had both turned twenty, he trusted you enough to let you hold his hand, to brush his hair, to kiss him.

Then you got married, secretly, in a small ceremony under the stars where you had first met, but that was all that you needed. No one but the two of you knew about your relationship. You didn’t mind, if your relationship were to become public, you would become kidnapped, tortured, killed for just your relationship with him. It could be expected, with the amount of enemies you both had made through the years.

- - -

As you embarked on this new heist, you could feel the nerves radiating off of Kaz, sure, the rest of the crows couldn’t notice, but you had learnt to read him. So you let your fingers brush his as you walked past.

This was much appreciated on Kaz’s behalf, knowing that you were still beside you and very much alive and unharmed counted so much to him.

It was so stupid and dangerous, this heist, but still necessary. There was a slight (very high) chance Kaz could lose fifth harbour if he didn’t retrieve some certain documents, yet he didn’t know where these said documents were. The only way was to get it out of a certain man, one who had a disgusting affection towards girls who just happened to look exactly like you.

The plan was for you to seduce him, and let him take you back to his house, and then for you to immediately leave without any further contact with the man. The location was therefore known to Kaz, and Inej could subsequently retrieve the documents.

Simple.

A long beige fur coat covered your attire, and Kaz couldn’t help but think you looked absolutely gorgeous, and how he was just so lucky to have you. Yet when he remembered why you were so dressed up, it disturbed him deeply.

“We’re here,”Jesper announced, peering his head through the door.

“It’s that guy, the one in the red jacket,” Nina said while tapping your shoulder.

“Okay, got it,”you whispered to Nina , walking towards the door. Just as you were about to walk in, you felt Kaz grab your wrist, and look you straight in the eye, you understood. He wanted you to be careful. A silent message passing between the two of you.

Kaz watched as you walked over to the man, with a subtle smirk on your face, your coat discarded. He was caught in your web, even after all these years your flirting skills were still on point. Kaz stood incredibly still as you sat down on the man’s lap, and called for a drink. Jealousy had never been more prominent in Kaz’s mind.

Then the man’s hand began making its way to your thigh, gently brushing your skin, and Kaz could no longer watch, you clearly looked more than just uncomfortable, so it was no surprise to him when you stood up and grasped the man’s hand, leading him out the door. All Kaz could say to himself was that it was your job, he asked you to do this.

Kaz walked back to the Crow club, abandoning the job of watching you. He could no longer stand the sight of this anymore, and trusted that inej would look out for you, not that you needed it.

- - -

Meanwhile, you had successfully been led back to the abode of this appallingly disgusting man, and was now thinking of the numerous excuses you could make to leave right now and never see this man again. As you were walking out after telling him your cousin had just died and you needed to go to their funeral, you made the foolish mistake of letting the inside of your wrist be shown to him. On it was a tattoo of a crow, marking you a member of the crow club.

Praying to god that he didn’t see the tattoo, you hurriedly rushed out the front door, and had barely made it five metres away from the building when you heard the man’s voice from right behind you, yelling the words you’d prayed would never be said out loud.

“HEY! You're Brekker’s girl, aren’t you?”

Shit

Immediately you broke into a sprint, and could feel the shadow of Inej following you.

You could only hope that they hadn’t found out about the truth of the relationship between the two of you, a secret that had been well kept for the last year.

Turns out the man was not alone and a group of his friends had joined the chase, all wanting a piece of you. If only they knew the streets of Ketterdam as well as you did, then they might have had a chance.

You ran and ran through the alleyways, a place you had once called home. Inej had been taking out the men chasing you one by one, until only two were left. Running in a full-length gown and heels was not simple in the slightest, and trying to defend yourself even harder, so you trusted Inej to have your back, and you were sure Kaz would appear any second now.

You knew precisely where you were, a minute’s run from the Crow club, but as you turned the corner, you saw a dagger being thrown from the last man standing. You were just a second too late, and it lodged in your side.

First rule after being stabbed, don’t pull out the dagger.

The adrenaline kept you going and so you managed to just outrun them, and walked straight into the Crow club, collapsing onto the nearest chair.

“Fucking hell-” Jesper said as he saw the state of you.

Blood soaking into your clothes and a dagger sticking out of your side. It didn’t take a detective to figure out what had happened. You sat, trying to catch your breath, thankfully the dagger hadn’t pierced your lung. Thank god.

Kaz had heard Jesper’s voice calling your name, and immediately sprinted down the stairs, and was met with the sight of you with a dagger in your side. Without a word, he carried you in his arms and took you to lie on the nearest table, kindly cleared by Jesper. Nina had rushed to your side and was already slowing the blood flow in your body. Time was of the essence.

Your head felt so heavy and you were so tired, only Kaz’s hand holding yours held you from passing out, a string you desperately held onto, your lifeline. Kaz had forgotten everyone else was there, watching his every move.

The rest of the crows were visibly shocked at Kaz’s actions, he was holding your hand? His aversion to touch seemed to be applicable to all but you. It was a strange sight to behold, the bastard of the barrel had feelings after all, and they were shockingly out on display.

Your eyes lolled shut, and it was clear you had passed out, Nina was still closing your wound, and she knew you would be fine.

It was through sheer panic that Kaz had let go of his sense of logic, he didn’t know what he would do if he lost you. He knew that you were going to be fine, that’s what his brain was telling him; but in his heart he knew that if he hadn’t left his post, you might not have been harmed, and it was with these thoughts that guilt slowly crept into every one of his thoughts. You had been through worse, he knew that, but before it had never been so closely linked to his actions, and you weren’t married at the time.

“Kaz?” Jesper’s voice snapped him out of his stupor, and sense flooded back.

Kaz became increasingly more aware of the fact that his bare hand was still on yours, and every single person in the room was intently staring at the point of contact. On Kaz’s hand was a ring, on his ring finger, a plain silver band which just so happened to match the one hanging on a chain around your neck. Seemed not one of them had managed to make the simple connection over the past year.

“What Jesper,” Kaz replied, not moving an inch.

“Y-Your hand,”

“I’m not allowed to hold my wife’s hand?”

It took Kaz a second to realise that was not what Jesper was asking about, Jesper hadn’t noticed the rings.

A squeal could be heard from Nina and Wylan, who had predicted it all along. Jesper stood with his mouth hanging wide open, speechless. Matthias and Inej seemed to be the only ones with a composed attitude, congratulating Kaz and carrying on with their lives.

Looks like the big secret was out.

- - -

A few hours later, you awoke from your slumber, to see Kaz asleep on a chair by your bed.

“Kaz,” you whispered, completely unaware of the events that had unfolded while you were unconscious.

“Hey,” Kaz mumbled as he woke up and made his way toward you, sitting on the side of the bed.

“Are you okay?” you asked him, he looked more distraught than normal.

“I’m fine love, I should be the one asking if you're okay,” Kaz replied, taking your hand into his.

You could very obviously tell that he was buttering you up, of course the one time you were unconscious would be the time he fucked up.

“What do you do?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, I told them,”

“Told who what?”

“That we’re- that we’re married,” Kaz sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“Oh shit,”

“I’m sorry, I-” Kaz began to apologise yet again.

“No it’s fine, they’re our friends, but no one else can know,” you cut him off, you both knew how dangerous this knowledge could be for the both of you, if spread around.

“Agreed,” Kaz nodded, fiddling with a ring on his finger.

“Oh and we can finally wear our wedding rings all the time in front of them, and we can go downstairs together, and-”

“I know, love, we can” Kaz said, his hand cupping your cheek.

It was then you realised how lucky you were to have him, and he realised the exact same thing about you.

You were his lifeline, and he was your lifeline.

“I love you, Kaz Brekker,” You hands covered his.

“I love you too.”

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sturmhondsbitch · 3 years ago

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confrontations in a lonely club

KAZ BREKKER x FEM!READER | fluff summary: two months ago, kaz woke up to the news of your disappearance. no clothes, no money, which means you had left on your own will. today, fate throws him into your path again and rest assured, he's pissed. [ angsty at first but fluff at the end, tw swearing, crows get kidnapped, your weapon of choice is bow and arrows ]

The clock tower was unusually quiet that night.

Every day you heard people screaming, but tonight’s carriage went through the gates without a sound. It was as if the inhabitants inside were sleeping. Or maybe dead. You hoped for their sake that it was the former.

“It’s them,” one of your friends said, stepping out of the shadows. She reminded you of Inej with her silent feet and deadly stares. Just like Inej, she was warm inside too.

“No, it’s not,” you disagreed, knowing who she was referring to. "They're not stupid enough to—"

"From what you've told me about them, they sound powerful, impulsive and reckless. That usually includes stupidity in there somewhere."

You bit back your retort and decided to think it through. If, by any odd chance, it was them — you were screwed.

"I'm going to get my arrows," you declared.

When Jesper woke up, he was confused.

"Are we having a sleepover?" he asked, getting untangled from all the blankets. He spotted Inej in the distance, knife well placed in her hands. Kaz was the only person who looked calm.

"What happened?" Jesper prodded, looking up at the dark ceilings. He had woken up in unfamiliar places many times before, but those were more pleasurable instances.

"We've been kidnapped," Inej hissed, not moving an inch away from the door. Jesper almost choked on air.

"Say what?"

"It's fine; we're getting out of here," Kaz spoke up. "As long as you don't accidentally kill us all, we'll be fine."

Jesper still had his mouth open. "What's the plan then?"

"We don't have one."

"You — you're telling me you don't have a plan? We're just going to sit around while whoever kidnapped us comes back and carve our faces like Halloween pumpkins?"

"For now."

"Don't talk to Kaz, he's being frustrating," Inej said. "We're at the lair of Reapers and he's not answering any of my questions."

"Reapers as in the ones who want our heads on a stick or the ones we owe money to?" Jesper asked, hands on his hips.

"The latter, though I'm sure their promise to have us shot wasn't so much of an improvement either."

"We're not going to die," Kaz said, now louder.

"How would you know that—"

"Rise and shine beauties!" someone opened the door and was immediately met with the sharp edge of a knife.

"Woah, woah, that's a bit dramatic, don't you think?" The man asked, stepping aside to show his other gang members.

Inej hesitated to put her knife away, but she did. All of them stepped inside; positioning themselves around the room like they were vultures. Most of them had masks; but some chose not to be anonymous. Like the man leading the group.

"Giles, a pleasure to see you mate!" Jesper said energetically, though sarcasm tinted most of his words. "To what do we owe this pleasure? Wow, did you get a haircut? And most important of all, what the fuck is going on?"

"I just caught up on the story myself," Giles pointed to one of his workers. "Apparently Dregs got into a fight with some of my guys. They knocked you out and brought you here."

"You fought with the customers?" Inej asked Jesper promptly.

"HOW ARE YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMING I STARTED THE—"

"That was me," Kaz interrupted, his teeth clenched. "They had it coming."

"What?"

Jesper couldn't even complete his exclamation. Despite what others may think, Kaz didn't lose his temper much. He was angry all the time and we could see it on his face, but that was it. He bottled up the emotions, gave everyone the death stare, and planned their murders. He never started a fight. He only finished them.

Not to mention that the last time he was this angry was when you left. That wasn't a good sign.

"You decided to stab Steve because he had it coming?" Giles asked, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you know blood only starts more bloodshed?"

"You can't keep us here," Inej said quickly. "You know you can't. Just let us go instead of wasting your time. If this is about the money—"

"What money?" Giles seemed visibly confused. "You already paid it. I assure you, this is just about my now-dead friend."

"The 600,000 kruge?" Inej added uncertainly. "Kaz paid it back?"

"Enough pleasantries," Kaz interrupted. "What do you want?"

"Frankly, I want this city to burn you from inside out." Giles took a step forwards, careful enough to be at a safe distance from Inej's knives. "I want everything from you."

"You took it," Kaz's voice almost cracked at the end. Inej immediately connected the dots, while Jesper was still clueless.

"Maybe you'll think twice before robbing us again." Giles looked smug as ever.

"Sir!" A boy ran inside the room, impatient and breathless. "Someone came to talk to you. Someone imp- important."

"This better be good," Giles murmured, following him out. "I'll be right back."

With him, most of the gang also left. Except for one person, that is. Jesper was too shocked to notice them.

"Why did you never tell us you paid off the debt?" he asked shrewdly.

"I didn't," Kaz said bitterly. "Y/N, you want to explain?"

You took off your mask and frowned upon the scene. Him figuring out your presence was a pleasant surprise. You'd thought he'd have forgotten you.

"Y/N," Inej breathed. She was the only one who smiled when she saw your face. She felt betrayed too, but she was more concerned about your well-being. Seeing you alive made her reasonably less worried.

Jesper didn't have a similar reaction.

"Hell to the fuck no." He yelled. "You're working with them? The vultures? You left in the middle of the night to work for them?"

"We're not playing catch up; you need to get out." You pointed at the open windows. "There's a balcony attached. Just watch your step and don't fall down."

"You're letting us go?" Inej asked. "Why?"

"I'm not leaving without an explanation," Jesper stood his ground.

"Kaz will explain when you're back at the slat," you said hurriedly. "You have literally 3 more minutes to get the fuck out of here."

"I can't," Kaz said sharply.

"Inej will help you—"

"I mean I can't explain. I don't know what to explain," he snapped.

Oh okay, we're doing this now?

With a stony gaze, Kaz continued, "You were supposed to help Wylan. Help us. Draw maps and make exit plans. That's what you were supposed to do."

"This is not the time," you whispered urgently.

"You're right." Kaz turned to Inej and Jesper. "Go. I need to talk with her."

"You can't dismiss us," Inej said alarmingly, knowing he's going to possibly kill you.

"Actually, I'm out of bullets," Jesper laughed nervously. "I think it's safe if we disappear now."

"But Kaz—"

"I'll make sure he doesn't end up dead," you added. "If that's of any help."

Kaz opened his mouth to retort but Inej nodded in relief, following Jesper out the window. You hoped for their sake that they'd make it out. You then looked at the man in front of you, the infamous bastard of the barrel.

"I can sneak you through the front door—"

"You are weak," Kaz whispered. "Weaker than I ever assumed you to be."

"Excuse me?" your gaze suddenly turned malicious.

"Joining Reapers just to repay the 600,000 kruge? I didn't think you would be stupid enough to do that. I didn't think you would waste yourself by being a fucking scapegoat."

You sighed. "It was the only thing to do. They were scouting the Slat, planning attacks. I warned you a hundred times but you waved it off. So I decided to take matters into my own hands."

"You're not a saint. Don't make yourself out to be one."

"But I still saved you."

"You LEFT us!" he yelled, his hand tightening on his cane. "You packed up in the middle of the night and left us without saying anything. We're criminals, L/N. Not repaying debts is part of the job description. I was taking care of it!"

"You were taking too long," you said defensively.

"I even bought you the damn kit." He sounded more bitter than before.

"Kit?"

"You were always complaining about the terrible canvases," he hissed. "When you left I thought you were annoyed by the Slat and wanted a break. I bought you the best artist supplies in Ketterdam waiting for you to come back."

"You thought I left because I didn't have a proper paintbrush?" you laughed.

He wasn't amused in the slightest. "It was better to think you were mad at something insignificant. I never knew you had left for good."

You softened. "Kaz..."

"You're coming back to the Slat."

"Oh, am I? Or what, you'll kill Giles?"

"If I have to," he agreed. "Or I'll burn this pathetic excuse of a building. I'll repay him with his own blood and see how he likes it."

"It's not that easy." You said, clenching your teeth.

"You're coming back," he repeated, though this time it wasn't an order. He was pleading. Teeth clenched and eyes bloodshot, but pleading nonetheless.

A slight pause.

"You're going to be the death of me, you know that?" you asked, hating how you were so easily convinced.

"I hear footsteps," Kaz said quickly.

"Let's move then," you declared, pointing to the door.

Kaz sighed in relief, glad that he hadn't thrown out the artist supplies yet.

----

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