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soo phone call went p great i think, theres still a few more rounds of interviews but i think ms girl liked me enough to pass my resume along to the team :-)

i've been applying to a handful of jobs every day (or at least trying to lol) for the last few months and i finally have a phone interview tmw!! i hate my boss so much so i really hope i can finesse this interview bc i know nothing but i can learn anything like pls i just want a decent job with benefits i havent gone to the doctor's in so long and i need to get my eyes checked 😭

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probs no correlation but Things have gotten worse ever since Jack sold tw!tter

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i owe them my life

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i've been applying to a handful of jobs every day (or at least trying to lol) for the last few months and i finally have a phone interview tmw!! i hate my boss so much so i really hope i can finesse this interview bc i know nothing but i can learn anything like pls i just want a decent job with benefits i havent gone to the doctor's in so long and i need to get my eyes checked 😭

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sorry but im getting rlly fckn tired of seeing ai everywhere can everyone just go outside?

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i also desperately need to rid myself of perfectionism omfg like i can't ever do anything bc my silly little brain is scared it won't come out perfectly on the first attempt wah wah wah boo fucking hoo

2025 is the year of creating regardless of how shitty it turns out

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well this is awkward

i haven't posted in so long. so much has changed yet everything is the same.

i'm officially diagnosed with adhd, so i've been on meds for a while. i've been studying some leet code problems since last september, but only twice a week since i've been trying (unsuccessfully) to work on side projects two other days of the week. it's really not much, and i feel i have to do it this way because i don't want to burn myself out. we're tryna play the long game, after all. but at the same time the painfully slow progress is killing me lol. the addiction to instant gratification is so real and i stg it's that damn phone!! sorry ma, u were right :/

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i love coding i hate coding i could code all day my eyes hurt this is so addictive my head hurts holy shit this works thats genius!!! wtf omg ugh my neck hurts the high of a zillion line program i wrote running flawlessly with optimal time complexity is unmatched my back hurts the zillion line program is not running and i have no idea where the error is im going to kill m -

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1.31.24

long time, no write! (big surprise lol)

i had a class on monday in which our instructor had Ada Lovelace as a placeholder name for one of our activities. he explained who she was, and concluded with "so the first ever programmer... was a female".

"a female" ??

even the women who are first in their fields are reduced down to just their sex.

sigh.

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no matter what happened today, you:

are loved

deserve to eat

are needed & valued

should take care of yourself

have a future

will be okay

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i miss mexico bro, al chile necesito una coca bien fria y un elote en vaso para curarme :(

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- Evelyn Waugh, from Brideshead Revisited (1945)

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1.16.2024

i've been quite unproductive since last friday. i've tried to give myself a proper rest from my coursework so that i can be mentally refreshed for the last home stretch of the bootcamp. i started messing with figma last friday and wow that's a whole new world i entered lol. i'm feeling kinda emo, so bare with me:

when i used to work as a teacher, admin would constantly ask us what our "why" was to keep yourself motivated throughout the struggles (which were too much and too often lol). tonight i remembered my little brother has 6 years before he goes off to college. which means i have 6 years to ensure i have some type of college fund ready for him so that he won't have to go thru college the way i did. not sure how i'm gonna do that with a part-time. not sure how i'm gonna do that with my own student loans to pay off.

but also my bf made me realize i don't have a "why" that is purely for my own benefit. it all somehow leads back to my little brother's wellbeing. i'm not sure if my parents have even started preparing for him going to college, and i also shouldn't have to assign myself this responsibility-- but if not me then literally who?

sometimes i feel sad that i have to parent my sibling (and let's be honest, a veces mis papas tambien), and i'm also exhausted from grinding thru a biochem degree, working at a school that physically and mentally drained me, and now restarting my career. but the grind doesn't stop, especially not for immigrant women, and even less for women in tech (and girl don't even get me started about devs tryna get a job in this economy omfg the LAYOFFS.) sometimes i wish the world would just pause so i can catch up. i'm always catching up!! what's that one greek mythology and/or philosophical figure dude that was cursed to indefinitely push a boulder up a hill? im him fr.

but fuck it we ball!!! a pesar de todo, seguimos adelante. "echale ganas, mija". ahuevo, ma.

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1.11.2024

the time has come, frens.

we just presented our demo for the project we've been working on! i'm proud of my team for wrestling through the struggles yet still delivering a working web app on time.

however, i wish we had more time to develop it because the time crunch was, imo, what lead to a lot of chatgpt usage :/ one of our project's requirements was the use of a new technology we hadn't used before, and i decided on using chart.js for data visualization. i had integrated it to our html files pretty quickly, and was soooo close to figuring out how to retrieve our user's data from the database we created. unfortunately we were running a bit short on time, so *that one* groupmate literally prompted gpt to give us the entiiiiire code for it. 🥲

i lowkey died but whatever. i tried my best 🥴

unrelated but texas is boutta feel a cold front next week, so i'm prepping for no power and no water. yeehaw 🤠❄️

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1.09.24

how is it only tuesday 😩

had class yesterday and my group was so frustrating omg. there's quite a bit of chatgpt'ing going on with them but they're not even implementing things consistently smh. and they don't test often either!! test ur code ppl!!

i've had to fix like 5 bugs already over a groupmate simply not updating const's across our project files 🙄 that same groupmate was basically gaslighting me into claiming my bug fixes weren't correct bc that's not what chatgpt told him to do. he changed my code, took an hour just messing shit up, then finally asked a TA for help only for them to "fix it" the way *I* had already fixed it.

rant over.

today i kept working on my tasks and was able to fix some more bugs :) had a late start bc im so tired but our project is almost done (and almost due lol). so far so goooood

gn frens <3