suadcampbell

[suadcampbell]

SLACKTAVISM

ISM:

SLACKTAVISM: Activism that requires little effort (and often has little effect) and is mainly designed to make participants feel better about themselves. Do you know any slacktavists? Are you one?

[suadcampbell]

FUTILITY

FUTILITY

ITY:

Hello, friends. I’m taking a break from my LINGWEENIE BLOG of itties and isms because try as I might, I cannot think of any words I want to riff on, make fun of, make up, or write about seriously. I’ve written 224 blogs over four years, so I guess it’s not so surprising. If you can think of any words, whether they be itties or isms, or something else, feel free to suggest them. Love you all and thanks for being supportive and commenting on my endeavors to be relevant, silly, witty, satirical, and sometimes, prescient.

[suadcampbell]

PONDERISMS

ISM:

Things to ponder during COVID and because of COVID

Are dental hygienists being laid off during COVID?

How about orthodontists? Are they bracing themselves for delinquent second-house payments? Delinquent sports car payments? 

Are women scaring their close relatives away because they’re not wearing make-up? Are Revlon’s and Maybelline’s and L’Oreal’s sales lackluster? Are they in the black or in the red?

Are divorces up? “Anyone who can watch Telemundo TV for several seasons, each one over sixty episodes, is not the spouse for me! What did I ever see in you? Out, out, damn spouse!”

Domestic violence--Give me that remote, or else! 

You ate the last Drumstick? Run, if you know what’s good for you!

Child abuse? It was, until COVID, unacceptable to slap your child, now you’re slap happy, and they’re not, but what are they gonna do, jail you? Not these days, so scram brats, if you know what’s good for ya!

Is alcohol consumption up? Um, is the rabbi Jewish? The imam Islamic? (Oh, wait, muslims don’t drink alcohol--unless COVID has corrupted them!)

Is pharmacy-drug abuse up? Xanax is no longer available and won’t be for another six months. Neither will Valium.

Recreational drug use? Mexico can’t keep up with the demand.

These ponderisms weigh me down, though my weight has gone up. Hmm, I must ponder upon this--as soon as I have a piece of pie.

What ponder you? Any ponderisms you’d care to share?

Remember it’s never too late to start pondering. Ponder now!

[suadcampbell]

SERENITY

SERENITY

ITY;

n. The state of being calm, peaceful, untroubled

Clearly, from the definition, mankind is not meant to be in this state for long; if he were he’d have perished from the Earth. Why? Because it was impossible to be serene while chasing game in bare feet and wielding sticks and stones. And it was hair raising to be chased by alpha predators with sharp teeth and claws who saw you as a yummy Lean Cuisine meal or a tasty snack. It was also hard to be serene during natural disasters and caveman rivalry. Deciphering grunts couldn’t have been easy and more than likely led to misunderstandings which led to resentment and ill-will, and in the worst case, war. Possibly ostracization. 

These days, as well, it’s hard to find serenity. The world is in tumult and we are like tumbleweed being tossed first this way, then that, by whatever wind prevails. We are anxious, afraid, alarmed,angry, aghast--alliterative--pretty much on a daily basis. Voices clamor from our TVs, radios, social media platforms, friends, and families, extolling the virtues and vices of our society. We are barraged with a relentless onslaught of opinions and edicts and warnings. There is no respite from it. Frankly, I find it exhausting. Do you?

So where can we go to find serenity? Zen gardens are lovely and can provide some quiet and solace, as do tea gardens, and botanical gardens, but we have to drive to get to them, unless we’ve created serenity gardens on our property. Driving is not a calming experience, so the serenity we may achieve in the Zen gardens will be short-lived. Woodsy areas and beaches--secluded ones--can provide peace and calm, as well, but, once again, we have to drive to them, unless we’re lucky enough to live near those places.

Sometimes music provides serenity. It can evoke wonderful, happy memories, and can create hope for a dreamy future. Music is available to most everyone and may be the easiest way to achieve serenity. 

Himalayan and Tibetan singing bowls help create peace and calm, so they say. I’ve yet to hear them properly played. YouTube has some interesting links to these zen bowls. I started listening to one of them and the music created seemed ominous and important. I stopped three minutes into the two and a half-hour recording because I’ve got a blog to write! I’ll go back and listen to more and hopefully be more relaxed. But I digress...

Houses of worship bring serenity to some, though these COVID days they’re not easy to access and singing is banned. And what good is church if we can’t sing? We can always pray at home, but it’s nowhere near as uplifting.

Of course, there are myriad ways to seek serenity, but are they successful? 

We live in a world where serenity lasting more than fifteen minutes to half an hour is becoming obsolete because it’s hard to chase down and find.

What do you do to find serenity? 

[suadcampbell]

SLANGISMS

SLANGISMS:

Slang is fun. It adds spice to our comments and conjures up exactly the right meaning once it’s in common usage. Here is an example of old fashioned slang that you might find comical. You may even remember hearing some of these terms. I honestly never have, so I thought they’d be fun to share with you.

ME: How did you cop a mouse? And I’m warning you, don’t sell me a dog! 

HIM:  That guy with the fly rink did it! All because I called him and his mates whooperups! He didn’t like my sauce box, and he was squiffed. That or off his chump.

ME: That’s what you get for going to a red onion. You know it’s not up to dick. 

HIM:.Maybe if the temperature had been different, he’d have calmed down. It was full of moist.

Translation:       

ME: How did you get the black eye? And I’m warning you, don’t lie to me!

HIM: That bald headed guy did it. All because I called him and his mates inferior, noisy singers. He didn’t like my mouth, and he was drunk. That, or crazy.

ME: That’s what you get for going to a dive bar. You know it’s not healthy.  

HIM:  Maybe if the temperature had been different, he’d have calmed down. It was sweltering.

What say you? Do you like to sling slang? Any slang words you’re particularly fond of or would like to see return?

I say hella, yes. Fo’rizzle.

P.S. It’s been hotter than Dutch love in harvest here the past two days. 107 and 109 degrees Fahrenheit. The bear almost got me and I almost wore a pine overcoat. I usually pang-wangle, but not currently.

[suadcampbell]

SYLLOGISM

SYLLOGISM

ISM:

"Syllogism" just popped in my mind. A balloon pops, therefore syllogism is a balloon. Joking aside, what does it mean? 1: Syllogism is a deductive scheme of a formal argument consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion (as in “every virtue is laudable; kindness is a virtue; therefore kindness is laudable”) 

2:  a subtle, specious, or crafty argument (The most commonly used, and my personal favorite)

3:  deductive reasoning (Can you say Sherlock Holmes?)

Logic has never been my strong point, nor has argument. I lose at both, get lost in the weeds, and only want to lie on my back in a grassy field with a few poppies and maybe some heather and look at the clouds and decide what shape they are in. Do they look like whales, ships, ghosts, dogs? Hmm, the cloud is shaped like an animal. My dog is an animal. The cloud is a dog. As you can see, my logic is fuzzy.

So instead of syllogisms that make sense in the real world, I've come up with a few that don't. Let's call them sillygisms. Here we go. 

Hippopotami can't fly

I can't fly

Therefore, I'm a hippopotamus

Mr. MCGregor loves rabbit stew

Peter rabbit doesn't

Stew about that one! (see I'm terrible at this, fuzzy logic, or not.)

The devil is red

My lips are red

Therefore, my lips are the devil

Love makes the world go round

Carousels make the world go round

Love is a carousel

Politicians are liars

Liars have big noses

Therefore, politicians have big noses.

You are what you eat

I just ate nuts

I am nuts.

No man is an island

Juanita is not a man

Therefore, Juanita is an island

A fool and his money are soon parted

Your hair is parted

You are a fool.

Justice is blind

You are blind

Therefore, you are justice

To err is human

You are human

Therefore you are an error

Never cook bacon while naked

Cooking leads to splattering

Splattering leads to burning

Burning leads to paramedics

Paramedics will see you naked

So don't cook bacon while naked!

I think I erred on the preceding sillygism, but I am only human!

What say you, have you any syllogisms to share, silly or not?

[suadcampbell]

SMELLFUNGUS-ISM

SMELLFUNGUS-ISM

ISM:

I wouldn’t fault you or laugh at you if you think a smellfungus is a pig who hunts for truffles, or faeries that hunt for edible mushrooms, or witches who hunt for poisonous mushrooms for their evil brews. Neither would I fault you if you think it’s slang that refers to foot doctors, or slang that refers to people with foot and other body fungi. After all, the word isn’t commonly used, but it is still a word. And its meaning is still relevant today.*

We all know someone who is a smellfungus. Someone who finds nothing positive to say about anyone or anything; someone who is joyless and downright miserable and spews mean-spirited comments as often and as broadly as possible. Smellfungus-ism thrives in politics and current events and among the Hollywood elite. Unfortunately, its bile has spilled over into the general population, and is gaining traction. Large swaths of people can find nothing good to say about anyone or anything, especially not their own country. They are anathema for parties and family gatherings and make family events a nightmare. Smellfunguses create family feuds and sow insecurity and doubt. They can suck the oxygen out of weddings and births. They can create neurotic and miserable children. In fact, until an anti-smellfungus spray or vaccine is developed, they should be kept removed from children, the elderly, and shut-ins. They should be told to shut up and slapped down. They should be ostracized and jailed if they refuse to desist. Maybe even muzzled.

What say you? Are you a smellfungus? Do you know anyone who is? How do you handle them?

 *Smellfungus is used as a noun and it means: captious critic; faultfinder. It was coined in 1768 after a hypercritical traveler in the book “A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy,” by Laurence Sterne. 

[suadcampbell]

MORBIDITY

MORBIDITY

ITY:

Did you ever think you’d live through a time where the number of deaths due to a disease would dominate every news cycle? The numbers are spewed out with very little detail in terms of ages, underlying disease factors, and comparative data, such as deaths from other diseases on a daily basis. I realize we are suffering a pandemic, but now that four months have passed, the hysteria that accompanied this virus should have passed. Of course, one of the worst fallouts from this daily bombardment of deaths and rising positive cases of COVID is that it has forced us to think of our demise, our children’s, grand-parents’, friends’ and relatives’. That’s a lot to feel responsible for and worried about and fearful for. It weighs heavy and taints everything we see, hear, or participate in. 

I hope I’m wrong, but on some level, I think our government officials and CDC officials revel in the clout they wield and the panic and fear they spread. It’s especially sad that this burden is being placed on children and young adults. Every day, they’re being force fed a diet of dread and guilt. The Mediteranean Food Pyramid has been replaced by the Morbidity Food Pyramid. We should serve ourselves daily with large doses of  fright, guilt, horror, sadness, depression. We should have at least one serving of each a day to stay scared-healthy. “You want to go back to school? Shame on you! You could kill someone!” “You want to date? How selfish. Your date may bring the virus to you and you might bring it to your granny.” “You want to go to a bar with your friends? How dare you be so irresponsible? You bad, bad, person!” 

Every time we get in a car and drive somewhere, every time we’re driven by someone, everytime we get on an airplane, or a boat, or a train, or a bus, or a bicycle, or a scooter, or a motorcycle, we could be killed or severely injured. Every time we cross the street, eat in a restaurant, go to the movies, we could be killed by a crazy person, choke on a thick piece of steak, get blown up. 

Drunk drivers abound. Drugged drivers abound. People text while driving. People talk on the phone while driving. People reach for the radio, coffee cup, fast food, while driving.

But does that stop us from going out? Of course not. Are we as liable to get COVID and die as we are to get in a vehicle accident? I don’t know, and I’m guessing you don’t either, because it’s not information that’s disseminated on a daily basis. 

Everywhere I go these days, everything I touch, every person I see, I wonder if COVID is lurking, ready to strike me dead, but I’m going to go out and about anyway. I’m going to meet with friends anyway. I’ll go shopping, eat out, go to the zoo, not necessarily in that order. If businesses require me to wear a mask, I’ll wear one, though I think that’s baloney. 

And if you don’t think of death due to the COVID virus, do you find yourself thinking about the increase in suicides? The increase in deaths due to domestic abuse, the increase of drive-by shootings?

How about you? Is there a day that goes by that you don’t think about death--either yours or someone you love, or someone you hate? Even strangers’ deaths? Do you worry about them?

How’s the Morbidity Diet working for you? How many helpings of fear and guilt do you have a day? 

[suadcampbell]

NUDITY

NUDITY

ITY:

Did you know that nudity is on the rise as a consequence of COVID and its stay at home orders? I did not. As an example, British Naturism has seen a hundred per cent increase in their membership since COVID.* Apparently, people are shucking their clothes these days because they don’t have anything they have to get dressed and ready for. More and more people are working remotely and are enjoying letting it all hang, flop, and jiggle out. Online groups such as naked yoga, and naked coffee klatches, and naked pub meets, are increasing in popularity. I’m sure naked childcare is becoming popular, you and your toddler can dash around bare and free. How about naked schooling? Ever wonder what your English teacher looked like underneath those clothes? Now’s the chance! What about naked cooking shows--just be careful when frying bacon. Or naked church services? Dear Lord in heaven, hallelujah! I’m sure there are many such groups featuring nudity, and many more being developed. For all my writer friends out there, there may be naked author readings, and if there aren’t, you might want to start one.

But I have a question, and I’ll try to keep it polite: If the COVID virus enters through mucous membranes, doesn’t the state of nudity increase the odds of contracting the virus? Say, you work remotely from home, but someone in your family does not, and they come home from work, where they’re exposed to the public, and they sneeze while you’re lounging on the sofa, and their COVID spittle lands on a body part other than your face, a body part that has mucous membranes--and it gains entry! Isn’t that risky behavior? 

And what about nudist colonies? Are they continuing to gather in groups? If so, how large is the group they’re allowed to gather in? Are they wearing masks? Do they wash their hands and other body parts frequently throughout the day? For at least twenty seconds? 

I have to wonder what impact COVID-nudity has on families. Do the children get traumatized seeing mom and dad naked? Do they run in fright when they see their grandmas and grandpas nude? Or each other? Will they have nightmares? Run away from home? Start using drugs and/or alcohol? Will unplanned pregnancies arise? Will fetishes develop?

Will relationships fail? Marriages go bust?

Or will love abound, romance blossom, relationships flourish?  

Is Covid-nudity chicken soup for the soul?

What say you? What nude formats would you like to participate in, either online, or at home?

More people opting to go nude during quarantine 

[suadcampbell]

TRAVELOSSITY

TRAVELOSSITY

ITY:

Have you had to cancel your vacation plans due to the COVID-19 pandemic? I have and I’m bummed. Imagine my delight when I discovered TRAVELOSSITY online. It’s a forum designed for people who have had to cancel their travel plans, a forum in which to share their feelings. Group meetings are being held in every city throughout the country. They’re limited to ten people at a time, proper hand-washing is required, as are masks. People can moan, groan, bellyache, tear their hair out, swear (only twice in a sentence) and rant and rage. If you’re not prone to such public displays of emotion, you can describe in detail your travel plans, where you were going, for how long, with whom, why, and when. You can even, time permitting, discuss what you hoped to see and do and eat and experience. If you so desire, you can explain how long it took you to book your travel plans, the research that went into the area you wanted to travel to, the tours you wanted to take, and the lodging you laboriously searched for and found and booked. Once you're done sharing that information, you might launch into how long it took you to cancel your plans and get refunds.

You can, if you want, lament about the wedding you can’t attend, the funeral, birth, family reunion. If so, remember to bring your own box of tissues and antibacterial hand wash and a plastic bag to dispose of the used tissues. 

If plans to meet your lover are cancelled, you can expect advice on long-distance relationships--and how they usually fail. Keep this in mind before attending TRAVELOSSITY meetings to avoid possible fist-fights and fits of laughter.

Some of us may still be too timid to journey to TRAVELOSSITY meetings, but don’t worry, TRAVELOSSITY has online forums where you can weigh in (You have to divulge your weight in pounds before being accepted. You’ll still be accepted no matter what you weigh, but TRAVELOSSITY has agreed to work with the CDC to collect data). Of course, you could lie about your weight, but if you attend a meeting in person, it will be obvious if your lie was a huge one. As will your lie be revealed if you go online on ZOOM. You’re safe in chat rooms, though, so if you’re weight-sensitive, I’d advise that. If you ZOOM you may achieve the feeling of commuter-plane travel. Remember, in all the aforementioned venues, expletives may only be used twice in a sentence. The penalty for non-compliance is a social-distance kick in the pants out the door. (The only way you get to fly these days may be by the seat of your pants!)

What say you, have you had to clip your flight plans? Put a brake on train travel? Have you had to wave bye bye to your cruise plans? Is it now Chips Ahoy instead of ships aweigh?  If so, consider attending a TRAVELOSSITY meeting near you. Travel-loss shared is travel loss halved. 

[suadcampbell]

TRIBALISM

ISM:

Imagine the United States in 50 years. What do you see? I see states divided into tribes. One state, say, California will be comprised of white women. Another state, say Montana, will be comprised of white men. Massachusetts will be comprised of black women. New York, black men. Washington State will be inhabited by Asian women. Oregon, Asian men. And so it will go. Texas, Native American men. Arizona, Native American women. Each state will be inhabited by gender and race. The gender fluid will have their own state, of course, as will homosexuals and lesbians. They will be determined by sexual orientation and race. 

Procreation will take place on given dates, according to women’s menstrual cycles, in a state designed for that only. The child, when it’s born will be delivered to whatever state he/she/Z fits into: Native American, male, etc…

These states will operate their businesses, government, education, hospitals exactly as we see today, the difference being only that they’re operated by their own citizens. 

Travel may be allowed and tourism encouraged, but only for short lengths of time. Violations will be dealt with harshly.

I imagine battles may be fought for the land. After all, who wants to live in Arkansas, for example? Or Iowa? Or Illinois?

It’s quite possible that the states will also include political affiliation in their make-up. After all, there are fifty states to play with. So, Conservative white women will inhabit a state, liberal white women, another, and woke women another. 

Let’s not forget religion. Throw that into the mix and states will be formed by race, gender, political affiliation, sexual orientation, and religion.

Presumably, crime will go down, education will produce top-notch students, government will run seamlessly, everyone will get along famously. 

This United States will have solved its majority/minority issues. It will be as utopian as is possible, given that its citizens are, after all, only human. So far. Give it another fifty years and who knows?

What say you? And where would you fit?

[suadcampbell]

PARTY POOPERISM

PARTY POOPERISM

ISM:

The year 2020 is becoming known as the Year of Pandemic Party Pooperism. At first, it was government sanctioned, and, in time, has become widespread enjoying much public support. You’re getting married? Fine? But don’t you dare invite more than ten people. Graduating from high school or college? Okay, good for you, congratulations, but don’t even think of throwing a party! It’s your birthday? Yay, many happy returns! But forget about celebrating it with a group of family or friends, and don’t blow out candles on your birthday cake, whatever you do! Job promotion? Kudos to you! Yay. Yay. All those years of hard work finally paid off, but you’ll have to Yay-Yay on your own, definitely not in a bar somewhere where you might tipple a drink, get tipsy, totter and inadvertently spread your happy spittle.

Having a baby? Want to have a baby shower, or a wedding shower, whichever comes first? Forget about it. It’s a happy occasion, but you’ll have to Zoom if you want to share it. 

However, if you want to party and avoid all the government and societal restrictions placed upon you, worry not. You can throw a party in the streets! You can don masks or not, keep your distance or not. You can break windows and rob stores and get those darling shoes you coveted for a while now. You can get the latest electronic gadgets and other cool stuff for free! Feel like drinking or getting high while partying in the streets, go for it! And you should know it’s okay to smash something or someone--if it’s your birthday bash. Law enforcement won’t touch you, especially if you’re carrying signs with catchy phrases. 

Party hardy! 

It’s my guess that street parties will become the rave of the future!

What say you? Party hardy or party hardly?

P.S. One of the benefits of street parties is that you don’t have to clean up afterward or pay any money to throw  them. 

[suadcampbell]

PATRIOTISM

PATRIOTISM

ISM:

Is patriotism learned, forced, or instinctive? Do the citizens of countries under communist rule and dictatorships feel it? What about North Koreans? We see pictures of them on the news, seemingly united, but is it fear of reprisals that motivate them? Fear of gulags? 

In democracies, if one were to ask as many homeless people as possible, people who are mostly miserable and destitute, for whatever reasons, would they claim patriotism? Be proud of their country, its principles and its people? 

I grew up on the East Coast and from an early age learned the names of our first presidents and the wars they were in, the documents they drafted, and their smart and sassy wives. I learned about Betsy Ross, and our national anthem. About the first European settlers and pioneers and the rigors they endured. Learned about our thorny history too. Learned about explorers from other countries that discovered ours. Learned about the Native Americans. 

I don’t remember ever being told we were perfect as a nation, nor that we should stop striving to create opportunity and freedom for as many Americans as possible, because utopias were something to strive for, but not likely in the near term. I learned that almost, without exception, America fought wars to help other people and lands become free, that we were noble. 

These days, in America, “patriotism” is hurled as an epithet by a good portion of the population. But why? What is wrong with being devoted to your country, especially a free one? What is wrong about being proud of its creation and in admiration of the Founding Fathers? They were brilliant men, evidenced by the constitution they wrote and the Bill of Rights that followed. That they were white shouldn’t be held against them. That they were men shouldn’t be held against them. The epithet-hurlers, however, deplore these men because of their biology. We should be grateful to the Founding Fathers, I know I am.

Had I not grown up with positive stories and views and facts about America, would I now hate it? Blame it for every ill in society? In the world, even? We are told constantly by mental health experts, inspirational speakers, and morning talk-show personalities, that we should feel good about ourselves, go for our dreams, reach for the stars, value ourselves. If it’s good for the individual, if it creates mental health, well-being, and success, why shouldn’t it be good for us collectively?

If my family hadn’t been patriotic, would I have felt differently? 

I don’t know. What I do know is that I feel blessed to live in this country.

What say you? “Oh, say can you see?” Or , “Say what?”

[suadcampbell]

BULLYISM

ISM:

Public schools have campaigned against bullyism for the last thirty years. If you see a bully, tell on them. If you are being harassed by a bully, report them. Bullying is wrong and won’t be tolerated. If you fight back, you’ll be disciplined too. Take the punch, or the kick, or the shove. Let them steal your money, or lunch, or homework. Let them slander you. Let them start social media wars. Whatever you do, don’t fight back. Report them. If you follow those rules, the school will discipline the bully. Sometimes they are suspended, sometimes expelled--at least they used to be. I’m not so sure they’re expelled any more. However, the underlying theme is that bullying is terrible, awful. Causes physical and mental damage in both the bully and the bullee.

I think most of us would agree that is true. I’m not sure we all agree that the bullee should just take the bullying.

What we’re seeing now, all across the country is an acceptance of bullying --by our elected and appointed officials, and by great swaths of the population. We bully via social media. Anyone who disagrees vociferously or gently with various current/and/or controversial topics is maligned and threatened with social ostracization, and shame. They’re vilified. Some are fired from their jobs; some are denied employment. We tolerate bullying from gangs, such as the ones that cause mayhem in some of our inner cities. The yearly death rate in Chicago is worse than that of some wars. We tolerate bullying from mobs who burn down buildings, destroy businesses, haul people from their vehicles and beat them up.  We tolerate bullies when they take over city blocks and terrorize the inhabitants. We tolerate bullies who vandalize property and topple statues. We tolerate them when they amass on city streets during a pandemic, ignoring social distancing guidelines and mask requirements. (God forbid if you, as an individual, flout these requirements. You could get a fine as high as $2,000.)

Some people tolerate these kinds of actions, some encourage them, and some participate in them. Most of these people don’t think of themselves as bullies. But they are. And our elected officials who do nothing enable this bullyism. The public who doesn’t demand a stop to these activities enable bulllyism. 

Where are the school teachers now? Why aren’t they leading the charge to stop this craven behavior? Why aren’t they plowing through the crowds with bullhorns to denounce these people? Why aren’t they rapping a few knuckles, shaming these bullies, punishing them? Don’t they know, if they did get involved, we’d cry “Bully for them!” ?

I say, give all the bullies detention.

What say you?

[suadcampbell]

IMPERIALISM

IMPERIALISM

ISM:

(Now? and in the near future)

Anti-American groups in the United States are conquering, through fear and intimidation and violence, cities and towns throughout America. How is this different from imperialism? They have their system of beliefs that they wish to foist on unwilling and unsuspecting and unprepared people. Actually, I shouldn’t use the term “system” because so far they don’t have one, except to dismantle and disrupt and diss. It appears to me that their tyranny is worse than the one they want to replace. The people they’re going to exploit are the people who don’t fall into lockstep with them, say, conservative whites, Christians, and blacks--conservatives of any ilk. Neither will they tolerate Republicans. They’re okay with the Green Party, so far. Definitely not the Libertarian or Independent parties. Members of the non-acceptable parties will be forced to work in sweatshops, in the fields, as servants, and trash collectors without union wages. They’ll be flogged and socially ostracized if they speak up or out. Their wealth, if they have any, will be confiscated. They won’t be allowed to own property or vote. Neither will they be allowed to leave, because, of course, they’re inferior and must be re-educated.

And, like all good imperialists, they’ll use for their own gain the natural resources and infrastructure of the land they’re invading.

These anti-American groups know that they’re smarter, more tolerant, more capable, more compassionate, more educated, more--let’s be frank--woke. 

What say you? Are you woke? Is this a nightmare or a dream?

[suadcampbell]

PROGRESSIVISM

ISM:

10 years in the future 

                                           HELP!

The 911 dispatcher answered after the fifteenth ring.

"Name and race, please."

"Send help! Someone's looking in my windows!"

"Name and race, please."

"Niu Yang. Asian . . . Oh, my God, he's trying to get in . . .."

"Eastern or Western?"

"Chinese! Send someone, he's rattling the door . . .."

"Ma'am, policy only allows me to send a Chinese officer, and I currently have none available. Go to your bedroom and lock the door, I'll send a Chinese officer out as soon as possible."

"The hell with policy! Send any officer! Oh, my God, oh my God, he's breaking in!"

"Do you have a gun? Ma'am? Ma'am . . .."

***

Niu Yang was found two hours later. She'd been strangled to death.

***

The Chinese community rioted in Chinatown, chanting, "Chinese lives matter! Hire more cops!" 

***

Two days later, during a presidential debate, Governor D'Vaughn Jones, running for president on the Independent ticket, spoke about the tragedy. "Haven't we had enough? We've tried to hire law enforcement officers based on the demographics of our communities. Too many people are dying because an officer matching their race is unavailable to lend assistance."

Senator Juanita Gomez, running for president on the Green party ticket countered with, "You've got it all wrong. It's a good policy, it's just that law enforcement sensitivity training is inferior."

"No, you've got it wrong," said Governor D'Vaughn Jones. "When a minority of the community's population is committing most of the crime, shouldn't that be factored in hiring law enforcement officers to meet their needs?"

"That's racist!" said Sen. Juanita Gomez.

***

"No, it's not," said Officer Jim Morgan, to his TV, in West L.A., "What it is is math." 

"No, it's not," said Officer Kim Chung, to his TV, in Chinatown. "What it is is unfair. I get worked to death, while my fellow officers sit on their fat white and brown asses." 

"No, it's not," said Officer Julia Garcia, to her TV, in East L.A., "What it is is wrong. Why should I work so hard, get the same pay, bennies, and pension as the 90% that do nothing? What we should do is organize a strike."

***

"Yes, it is racist," said, Ret.General Jack Smith, running for president on the Peace and Freedom ticket. "I suggest we form cities based solely on race. Maybe, ultimately, states."

***

"What?" said Officer Kim Chung. "That's racist."

"What?" said Officer Julia Garcia. "Está loco."

"What?" said Officer Jim Morgan. "The math of that scenario wouldn't work too well.

***

"What are we going to do meanwhile?" said a wife and mother, to her TV. "Who's going to keep us safe?"

***

(Ten years later.)

The 911 dispatcher answered after the twentieth ring. "Name, race,  and gender, please."

                                                       The end

I wrote this some time ago, but I think it’s relevant now, don’t you? What say you? Pick your neighborhood wisely!

[suadcampbell]

THUGISM

THUGISM

ISM:

Thugism is the cure for COVID-19. Who knew? If we’d known, we’d have practiced it ourselves for the last three months. Or at least the last two, because sheltering in place does tend to make some of us frustrated, angry, fearful, upset. Our civil rights were being abridged, livelihoods taken away, quality of living diminished. We’ve been sheltering in place for three months and for what? If we, heaven forbid, left our homes without a mask, sat on a beach, went to a park, or church, or weddings, or funerals, or death-beds, or births, or hospitals to visit loved ones, we were chastised, fined, even jailed. Why? If thousands of people are permitted to riot across large cities, some wearing masks, some not--none of them social distancing--then why are we bothering to abide by our governors’ and local officials’ rules? Let’s not even discuss how few arrests were or are being made to looters, and fire-bombers, and assaulters. I bet there are more people “spanked” fined, possibly jailed, for violating COVID rules than there are rioters--who, lest we forget, are criminals. 

If there is a surge in COVID-19 deaths, will we be able to call a rioter a rioter and attach blame directly at their molotov cocktail? And how will that help their victims and the victims’ families? Will the rioters be blamed for an increase in blacks’ deaths--COVID-19 affects them more adversely than whites, according to some health sources. Will more grannies and grandpas die because of the spread? Will our governors insist on more lockdowns? 

I’m burning mad, what about you? Ready to break some windows? How about stopping traffic and harassing drivers? Is there some electronic device that you’re lusting for at Walmart? Loot, baby loot. Just remember to wear your mask if you are going solo. And don’t violate curfew. You wouldn’t want to run afoul of the law, and you can comfort yourself that you’re helping to eradicate COVID-19.

What say you?