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[subatomicskinny]

this song means so SO MUCH TO ME.

[subatomicskinny]

hi :3

been m.i.a for almost a week. last week i didn’t stick to my gym routine and ate a lot of unhealthy food and broke my purging abstinence. i spent my money on unhealthy stuff that would just hinder my progress and became afraid of even weighing myself. i’m back to going to the gym this week! i didn’t go monday to some political demonstrations that were broadcasted as violent so i just stayed home to be safe. i actually felt kinda silly the last week cuz i have written down a schedule for my workouts but i’d forget about them and then just rawdog workouts at the gym. i’m going to stick the schedule and be diligent.

a factor that plays a role in how i feel when working out is sleep. if i didn’t get enough night sleep id feel as if i’m being dragged down by gravity on the treadmill. i’m resting tomorrow so i’ll do a 36 hr fast :) hopefully i’ll manage to complete it. i’ve been eating lots of chicken breast this week i need 2 buy more lol. i wanna get to around 65kg by start april so i need to be more disciplined.

[subatomicskinny]

hello !! it’s been a while :3 and it’s been a kinda terrible 1.5 weeks. i have drinking a lot of milk with has my stomach bloat along with biohazard farts. i keep forgetting my schedule of fast-eat because i’m so silly ( i have adhd). i didn’t go the gym as much this week and last week so i have to discipline myself to go every day apart from sunday. i went and bought protein powder earlier in the week and it’s vanilla flavored so it tastes like ice cream :0 i need to fix my habits so that i can lose weight constantly.

i’ve been taking mirror selfies in the gym and sharing with my mom and she assumed that i had edited my pics cuz i look “taller & slimmer” in those pics.

today was gym day! n i was supposed to do lower body but since i’m going for a hike tomorrow, i refrained. i did 70mins of cardio and my underwear kept falling off as i ran lmaoo and i had the weird urge to poop. i was holding in my farts on the treadmill.

i’ve established a new food diet! it’s basically eating on protein powder drinks/puddings. i have a feeling i can bored but for the sake of weight loss, imma keep it up. hopefully the protein powder doesn’t end soon or i will DIE.

teehee

[subatomicskinny]

hello :3

i am no longer purge free because i decided to puke out my dinner. do i regret? no not really. also battling spontaneous diarrhea :/ i went to the gym and did some cardio. lots of running 🏃🏾‍♀️ i am building up my endurance! i wanna try avoiding carbs…cuz i wanna lose my midriff visceral fat.

[subatomicskinny]

sth to remember whenever i wanna give up and suffer in my fat body!

[subatomicskinny]

:( i had a shitty weekend (didn’t restrict) so i’m back to restricting this week! i feel MASSIVE. HUGE! i need to up my cardio! i went to the gym a little later today! did back and chest :P and most importantly did two sets of treadmill running! i’m actually building up my cardio endurance so i’m really proud i think i’ll be able to jog comfortably at a pace of 10km/h my end of march if i stick to it! i can’t believe i burned 1311 active cals from workout today cuz it felt so…effortless :O. ate banana, yoghurt and coffee today! ( coffee is my pre-workout ).

IM DISAPPOINTED cuz they cooked chapati for dinner and that’s like my kryptonite! so i will TRY rlly hard to resist eating it! i wanna lose lots of weight this month hopefully i can make it happen 😣. idk if i’ll eat dinner let’s see 😵‍💫

[subatomicskinny]

i think i have hip flexor strain. my legs r on fire it’s not joke. (even my quads) just took painkillers (anti-spasmodics) lol. cuz like i can’t sleep. i’m laying off leg workouts till tuesday/ wednesday. this sucks

[subatomicskinny]

we r having a power outage n my ass decided to eat 😣. i hate myself! currently boiling water on the stove to drink some tea cuz i have to urge to eat bread. total cals consumed is estimated at 480-500cals cuz tbh i was too lazy to weigh the food.

[subatomicskinny]

Clarice Lispector, from The Hour of the Star

[subatomicskinny]

saturday afternoon! :3 just got out of the gym! and i’m back home…saw they had cooked dinner ( we have early dinners ) and i’m on a fast so i will NOT eat.

the gym was not bad! pretty fun :) saturday afternoons r usually empty. i did cardio which was my little 25min easy pace run and decided to do more treadmill running but this i incorporated sprints. i was able to sprint @ 14 km/h O_o. but only for a min at most. the rest of the time i would power walk. i did 15min power-walk + 1 min sprint + 4 min jog. for 45 mins. next week imma try to push it to 15km/h! thank god for long legs.

still on my fast. still feeling eurgh about today’s weigh-in BUT! what matters is consistency. i will NOT give up! comfy in my silly adidas track + workout info

[subatomicskinny]

hey :/ i actually had a terrible night. i woke up @ 2am to brush my teeth ( i dozed off n forgot) and i couldn’t go back to sleep cuz my left eye is currently irritated by sth under my eyelid so closing my eyes made my left fell like it’s being scratched by a grain of sand. i tried sleeping it didn’t work so i went downstairs and ate sth which i regretted immediately. :/ i’m on a 26hr fast rn. i woke up and weighed in today and i’ve actually gained. i feel bad/ disappointed but i’m trying to remain optimistic by convincing myself it muscle gains due to hypertrophy since i did some heavy lifting earlier in the week. i’ll keep this up for this month to see how it affects my bf% and weight loss. idek if i should restrict more because i feel like i’ve been overeating even though i weigh my food down the gram and log in everything. im thinking of adding more cardio to my routine. maybe incorporating springs to my runs. i don’t feel like going to the gym today but i would feel absolutely terrible/ wasted. like the worst failure of i skipped today’s run. i just wanna lose all my fat. i don’t wanna be fat anymore i don’t wanna exist in this mammoth body i don’t wanna take space. i’ll weigh myself after my fast to see if the muscular swelling accounted for the weight gain or sth.

[subatomicskinny]

every day i get my heart ripped out & every day i simply just continue

[subatomicskinny]

— Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena

[subatomicskinny]

the irony of trying to preserve muscle mass while starving. like wdym my muscles will atrophy at 500 cals a day? i refuse that. i reject it. idc.

[subatomicskinny]

I can SEE the fat just sitting there on my ribs and my stomach. I can pinch it and it makes me want to km$

[subatomicskinny]

i am beating the bulimia allegations by not purging and exercising a NORMAL amount. (fr i’m 13 days purge free loll)

[subatomicskinny]

evening check-in! :) so my food intake today was around 200g of papaya , tamagoyaki ( 200g of eggs ) , 2 bottle of probiotic fruit yoghurt and some succotash. total intake came to 1069 cals. not bad considering my tdee is usually 2600-2900 on the days i work out (i burned around 800 active cals from my workout today). tomorrow is weigh-in day! i’ll record in the doc on my pinned :) hopefully i have lost sth :( and hopefully i poop in the morning lol. i’ve been craving sweet food (i’m not even a sweet tooth) and i usually eat a fruit salad when i’m craving sth sweet but i don’t want that :/ the good about craving in my personal experience is that if i ignore them long enough i’ll forget about them. if i hyperfixate on the idea “ i wanna eat ……” then i’ll end up eating it O_o. so i’ll just read my novel and drink some tea! cuz im not going to go buy ice-cream @ the convenience store @ 9pm lmao ( no pics of my food sowwy )