sublimenemesis
sublimenemesis
SublimeNemesis' Stuff
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Plaise the sun clab!
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sublimenemesis · 6 days ago
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Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis. The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?
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sublimenemesis · 7 days ago
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SHOULD YOU FIGHT THEM: Scion Edition
(I’m sticking to Scions (past and present) but feel free to share your thoughts on non-scion npcs if you’d like lol)
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Alphinaud: Don’t fight Alphinaud. He is so small, he is a healer main, he’s already been through his Humbling. Let him rest.
Alisaie: You can fight Alisaie. She is, in fact, begging for you to fight her. Be warned, though: there’s no winning this fight. If you win, she’ll pout. If you lose, you were going easy on her, and she’ll pout even more.
Thancred: Don’t fight Thancred. He’s got enough going on. I understand why that would inspire you to want to fight Thancred but honestly the brief satisfaction you’d get wouldn’t be worth probably making him feel worse about himself.
Y’shtola: I can’t see a situation where you’d win this fight but, like, she wouldn’t kill you. She’d mostly be mildly irritated that you wasted her time, but would welcome keeping her skills fresh. You can fight Y’shtola.
Lyse: You can fight Lyse. You should fight Lyse. This is where her skills lie and this is the kind of communication she understands. Please fight Lyse.
Papalymo: Don’t fight Papalymo. He has better things to do and wouldn’t even get the small enjoyment out of it Y’shtola would. It would be pointless and you’d get your ass handed to you. Not worth it.
Urianger: You can fight Urianger. I have no further reasoning for this I just wanna see it.
Tataru: DO NOT FIGHT TATARU. I REPEAT: DO. NOT. FIGHT. TATARU.
Krile: You can fight Krile. She’s eager for the practice. It’ll be good for her. Just don’t hurt her please. She’s best girl.
G’raha: You can fight G’raha. He might start out a little afraid to hurt you but he’d get over it quickly and it would become Alisaie-level competitiveness. Unquestionably a good time.
Estinien: You can absolutely fight Estinien. This is the most win-win scenario in the world; either he wins but enjoyed the experience and doesn’t kill you, or you win and he gains the highest respect for you. Either way this man is now your best friend and would kill for you. Congrats.
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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me: why are you destroying earth!!!
aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak
me: thats fair i understand
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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They called him Idle Hans.
Not because he was lazy (laziness isn't real), but because he had already done most of the stuff he wanted to do. Hans rested easy, knowing the great achievements of his life were in the past and he was never going to top them - so he did not try.
The latter years of his life were pretty easy-going, but punctuated by the occasional suggestion that he should find a new goal or take up a new hobby.
"No thanks," he would always say, "I'm fine to float through the chill twilight. I don't need to be haunted by the tyranny of achievement."
He passed away aged 90, on a very low-key hangout at a local park.
In the afterlife, things got decidedly less low-key.
Wherever Hans had ended up was dark. It was aggressively, proactively dark. The kind of dark that Anish Kapoor would try to get exclusive rights to. A shade of black that was definitely trying too hard.
A voice echoed out of the darkness...
"You're Idle Hans, right?"
"Yes. That's me."
"Great. Because I'm going to make some work for you." said the Devil.
"I'll hear you out, because there's a solid pun here," replied Idle Hans, "but I can't say I'm interested."
"I think you might be intrigued. I want to make you a demon of rest."
"There's demons for that?"
"Oh sure, technically it's filed under Apathy."
"What's the work like?"
"Oh, y'know, you go and sit on folks' shoulders and whisper stuff like 'maybe take a nap' or 'light one of the nice scented candles you've been saving'.
"Sounds surprisingly... wholesome."
"Blame the protestant work ethic. They've made the oppression of the to-do list into a virtue. So radical rest is the province of the Enemy."
Idle Hans chewed this over. He turned the world over and over in his head, the pieces falling into place like a jigsaw puzzle when you finally have the corners sorted.
"I'm in. But it sounds like a big job for just me."
"Don't worry about it. We're gonna clone you, so you'll have a small army of demon Hans' to help out. A whole host of you, so you can really take the weight off some of those poor over-capitalised souls."
"So what you're saying..." said Hans, "is that many Hans make work light?"
"I knew you'd fit in here." said the Devil.
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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Words from Antigonick (Sophokles) translated by Anne Carson
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett's The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.
I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.
All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."
But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.
It's intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it's very easy to find, but here's a link for it anyways.
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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You know that cute little guy you draw with the :3 face? Can you doodle him saying something kind? I’m having a real hard time and he’s honestly like a virtual hug.
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I am not good at comforting people so I hope you’re okay with a quote from my mom?
Good luck out there friend, things always turn around!
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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Based on a true story
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I only knew one way to tie things up.
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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people who act like batman isn't "judge jury and executioner" because he doesn't kill people are like. genuinely so funny to me because. they're very obviously thinking of "executioner" as like. the stereotypical guy with axe who chops people heads off, and not, yknow, the literal definition of the idiom itself, which is about someone who has the ability to judge and then subsequently punish someone unilaterally. which is quite literally what batman does.
he has the ability to decide what is a "crime" to him, he is the one who decides whether people are guilty of those crimes, and he is the one who executes their punishment. the severity of the punishment doesn't matter - he is unaccountable to anyone else, and indeed is allowed to commit as many crimes as needed to reach his arbitrary ideal of "justice."
the ideal of batman is this: a man who is so fundamentally changed by an act of senseless violence that he takes it upon himself to fight back against the rot and corruption in the world. he does this not through political activism, not through ridding himself of his wealth in favor of a greater good, not through community outreach, but through an individualistic fantasy of being a hero.
and you'll say: charlie, but he does do that !!! he donates his money all the time, he funds social programs, hospitals, orphanages, gets people jobs -
and i will say this: so why don't things get better?
because here's the base of it. gotham, at its core, can't get better. no matter what bruce wayne does, there will always be more crime, more villains, more death, more people for batman to beat up in back alleys. because that's what sells.
reoffending rates don't matter in gotham, prison reform doesn't matter in gotham, what actually causes crime doesn't matter in gotham because that doesn't sell books.
and so here it is; dc has unintentionally created a world where batman can't win, but can't be wrong, and where thousands of nameless, faceless, only-created-to-die civilians must be pushed into the meat grinder that is gotham, to fuel bruce wayne's angst and vindicate his constant, tireless, noble fight against the forces of evil.
and then: a new robin, who is poor and who's parents are dead or gone because of this cycle; who is happy go-lucky and hated by editors and fans for being robin, for not being dick grayson, for being poor.
and this robin is written, unintentionally or not, to be angry at the ways in which batman's (the narrative's) idea of justice is detached from its victims. bruce seems perfectly fine to allow countless unnamed women to be at risk from garzonas in his home country, yet robin is the one who is portrayed as irrational and violent.
this robin is not detached from gotham in the way bruce wayne is: this robin is a product of gotham.
(and here's the thing. you can't punch aids. you can't fight a disease with colorful fights and nifty gadgets. and how would robin dying from aids add to batman's story; it would call into question the systemic changes that haven't been made in gotham. how does a child get aids, in batman's city?)
so robin dies, and then bruce (the narrative) spends the next couple of decades blaming it on him. it is jason's fault; he was reckless, he just ran in, he thought it was all a game. if only bruce had seen what was coming, if only he could have known that jason wasn't rich enough or smart enough or liked enough to be robin.
batman gets a little more violent, a little more self destructive. he hurts people more and almost (!!) kills a couple guys. this is bad because it's self destructive and "not who he is." it is not bad because batman should not be able to just beat people up when he's angry.
and then he gets a shiny new robin - who is all the things jason "wasn't": rich and smart and rational and he doesn't put who batman is into question. batman and robin are partners, and jason is a grave and a cautionary tale, and (crucially here) never right.
the joker kills thousands and it doesn't matter because they were written to be killed.
batman beats up thousands and it doesn't matter because they were written to be criminals.
and then jason comes back, and nothing has changed. there is a batman and a (shiny! rich!) robin and the joker kills thousands. (because it sells)
and jason is angry - he has been left unavenged - his death has meant nothing, just as willis' had, just as catherine's had, just as gloria's had, just as -
thousands. ten of thousands. hundreds of thousands. written to be killed.
but one of them gets to come back.
and he is angry - not only at the joker, but at bruce (the narrative) - because why is the joker still alive (when thousands-)
here is the thing - jason todd is right. not because the death penalty is good, not because criminals deserve to die, not because of everything he says -
but because of what he calls into question. why is the joker alive?
because he sells books.
and dc has written a masterful character, through no fault of their own, because jason knows what is wrong, and he knows who is at fault - batman. (the narrative)
so the argument that bruce can't kill because he's not judge jury and executioner; the argument that jason is a cop or that jason is insane or that jason is in the wrong here; they hold no weight.
batman can't kill the joker because the joker sells comic books.
and jason can't kill the joker because the joker sells comic books.
so he will beg and plead and grovel - he will betray everything that is himself, he will forsake his family and his city and kill himself - just so that bruce (the narrative) will let the joker die.
he was condemned to death by an audience, and after he came back he has spent his whole life looking us in the eyes and screaming, asking, pleading; why is the joker still alive?
why are thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands (the number doesn't matter, see, because they're just a number. not people. not real.) why are we expendable for his story? why did i have to die just for nothing to change?
and the answer is money. and the answer is the batman can never be wrong. and the answer is shitty writing. and the answer is -
nothing jason can ever change.
which is the worst of it all. he is a victim with no power, and no one else in the world can see it. he is raging and crying and screaming at his father and his writers and you - and it doesn't matter. jason doesn't matter. and he knows it.
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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"When you're trying to have a hot girl summer, but the governments decide to start WWIII😭😭"
Location: Bumfuck, Oklahoma
"Dying in WWIII wasn't on my 2025 bucketlist 💀🫣"
Location: Sydney, Australia
"Look at the strawberry varenyky I made"
Location: Kyiv, Ukraine
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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You can't just casually mention garlic cock man and not tell the story that's against the law
Are you sure you know what you’re asking of me? Are you sure? Well, okay. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. This post is long and contains description of genital injury.
So as you’ll know, I worked three and a half long, hilarious years at an NHS sexual health and contraception clinic. I loved that job, and packed it in because the Tory cuts to the service meant running it became hideously untenably stressful, but that’s a story for another time. 
One of my duties at the clinic was to take phone calls. Patients liked me on the phone because I have a nice voice and I’m basically completely unflappable, and they felt happy to tell me things. A vital skill in the wang biz.
One day, a man called. This was not unusual.  “Hello,” he said. “I need to see one of your nurses about my, er, my chap.”
“Righty-oh sir,” I said, “are you experiencing any symptoms that you’re concerned about? It’s just a yes or no kind of question.”
“Well,” he said, and I instantly felt a dark and terrible energy pulsate down the phone.  “Well… sort of. But, uh, it’s not symptoms of anything, it’s just…”
I would come to regret what I said next. “Is everything all right, sir?”
“Well.”  There was a pause. I heard fidgeting.  “I got a yeast infection.”
Phew, easy peasy. Yeasties are easy to fix. I sounded reassuring and buoyant. “Well that’s nothing to worry about, sir - if you don’t want to get anything over the counter from the chemist, we can-”
“No, no, that’s not the problem. Listen -” he sounded serious. “Listen, I’ll just tell you what’s the matter, and you’ll see what I mean.”
This is where, whenever I tell this story, I like to ask the listener to play a little game with me. The game is “Where Would You Tap Out?”  I’d have already tapped out by going to the chemist and getting some Canestan.
“I didn’t want any chemicals on my chap, so I decided to go for a home remedy.  Internet said garlic was good for yeast infections, and I’ve got a lot of garlic, so I figured that’d be all right.”
I made sympathetic noises.  Home remedies for yeast infections are normal, and garlic is actually quite effective.  “Oh good,” I said.
“I wasn’t sure how much to use, but I figured, I have a lot of garlic usually, so I minced a whole bulb.”
The dark energy wafting down the phone intensified.
“I packed it all over my, you know, knob, made a poultice.  Packed it all over the head, like a hat.  But, uh, I wasn’t sure how to keep it on..”
I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to scare him off by sounding judgemental.
“..so I just duct taped it all on. Wrapped duct tape all round it.”
Still with us?  Tapped out yet?
“So er, that worked, kept it on nice and tight, and I left it on over night.”
Over night. All night with your cock mummified in garlic paste like some sort of fiendish chicken kiev.
“But, uh, when I took it off the next morning, well… garlic is…”
“Caustic,” I said, before I could stop myself. “Garlic is caustic.”
“Yeah! Yeah, it is!” he said, sounding cheerful that I, too, understood the Way of Garlic.  “So I unwrapped my dick and, well, it looked kind of like… melted.”
I sat, silent, on the phone. Already I’d missed 6 other calls, watching them sail by on the other line while this saga unfolded. 
“So I figured,” he continued, the terrible juggernaut barrelling unstoppably through this phallic disaster, “I should probably exfoliate it.”
“Exfoliate,” I echoed weakly.
“Yeah,” said this abject human disaster, misinterpreting my echolalic expression of horror as hearty encouragement.  “So I had a look around the kitchen -” he was in the kitchen for all this “- for anything I could use and got my brillo pad-”
For anyone not in the UK, that’s what we call one of these:
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I must have betrayed myself and given a gasp of horror at that point, because he quickly reassured me - “No, no, no, it’s okay - it was a new one!” before going on to describe scrubbing the affected area to remove the alkaline chemical burn that he’d inflicted on his poor, blameless cock.
“So you want to come in because of… this?” I said, assuming he would want a new dick by this point.
“Oh no, no -” he said, jovial again. “No, it’s all fine - it just, my knob’s gone all… well, it kind of looks camo print now.  I was wondering if you could do anything about it looking camo print.”
No, sir. No, neither we nor anyone else can do anything about your camo print garlic cock mistake.
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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Diversity win! Ancestral curse recognises non-biological parenthood!
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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sublimenemesis · 19 days ago
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The slot was taken, thank you all so much! <3 Gideon and Baylis, characters from "A Vow of Wrath and Ruin" by K.W. Foster.
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