substances-and-problems-blog - Tumblr blog

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taylor swift // ours

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what i have learned from talking about my feelings

it’s better to not talk about my feelings

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I know just enough

about coping to know that

right now, I am not.

.

a haiku on coping // r.t.

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nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. when a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love i can imagine. dying for someone is easy – you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. but living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. we deserve more credit for it.

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I made a blog incase i had any happy days a couple months nearly a year ago. Its still empty...

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“i am tired and uninspired. i am used batteries. i am talentless and stale. i am a book that’s been read and now sits on the shelf. i am a broken guitar string. i am useless. i am invisible. everyday i feel like i’m at war with the world. some days i feel like i’m standing on the tallest mountain screaming at the top of my lungs, “look at me, please look at me.” if loneliness ever needed a definition, it’d be me. i see countless faces everyday but do they see me? i am alone. i am invisible.”

— dandelion hands

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I can’t numb it out anymore. I want to die.

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friend: hey, i’m going to get some food real quick, alright?

me, a borderline: 0k sure, no problem, eat well.

me: …

me: hello?

me: ……

me: …they must not be responding because they Hate Me and want to Leave Me, I Knew It 

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i’m full of too much love but i’m also full of too much mental illness

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am i constantly tired? yes.

but am i staying awake when i should be sleeping? also yes.

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