succubustears

[succubustears]

I just don’t feel right.

[succubustears]

Could really use being punched in the gut till I throw up right now

[succubustears]

I haven't eaten for three whole days. I'm so nervous I can't even think straight.

I spend so much time caring for others no one makes sure if I'm okay, even myself.

I just sit here and grit my teeth but I'm so tired of suffering.

I just wanna cut again.

[succubustears]

I just want to be railed like they are trying to get me pregnant

[succubustears]

I'm so tired of being sick, useless, frail, tired and overwhelmed.

I'm so tired and stressed I feel like I could die. My thread is pulled so tight it could snap at any second.

My head hurts my body hurt I can hardly eat. All I can do is cry.

[succubustears]

I'm tired.

[succubustears]

I wanna cut again but that would upset a lot of people. Maybe I'll just let violent men beat the shit out of me instead like I used to.

[succubustears]

I would literally cut off my own finger to prove to my dad that I actually am tired. I AM fucking tired. I've been working like a horse for years

[succubustears]

Success is meaningless. I'll never have money. I'll never be worth anything. I should just kill myself before people spend more money keeping me alive

[succubustears]

I don't know why I even try with voice acting. I'm not even good. I'm never going to be anything.

[succubustears]

I just want to fucking die lmao

[succubustears]

Anyway I just want to rip all my teeth out and drown on the blood

[succubustears]

I had a strange dream while napping today. I dreamt I was in a giant train, going to a hospital. It was packed with other people. It disgusted me. Who was sick? Who wasn't. There were no measures. We were being transported through this giant facility, like a hospital. I remember managing to squeeze off and was in a lot of thr back hallways of the hospital, usually where they put supplies and stuff. I met this man who was cloning men and replacing their faces with victims he found wandering the hospital. He gave me the ability to see unto the other world. The other world I could move like a ghost. Much faster and pop out in real life again, but everyone looked like monsters.

I wasnt visible in the other world. I saw people behind the scenes. Gasping and dying. It was horrific and I hated watching it. They were all dying horrible and painful deaths. The doctors and nurses were traumatized and weak. All they could do was move the dead and try and save those who are alive.

In the other world everyone looked like demons. I'd look into an empty hallway and then I'd look using my ability and demons would be staring at me. They didn't scare me. They just watched.

For a while I was launched in to a fake dream I eventually broke out of and was in my original dream. I was being carted with a bunch of people hopefully getting out. We were being tested for covid. A nurse gave me a needle to prick my finger and it droppes and stabbed my hand too. I barely flinched when she tore it out. We kept getting carted through this stupid facility. Put on these clothes, go through this mister, get this, take this, inject this. I didn't question a thing we did.

Eventually we were getting our results red meant "processing" and yellow meant "positive". Yellows started popping up. Then more. And more. All of them were popping up yellow. We were terrified looking for our own answer. Not that it mattered. We were in close contact with these people the whole time.

Suddenly a voice comes over an intercom. "Don't worry. We meant for this to happen. You're positive because youve received the cure. It's all over." Something seemed wrong about it... But we didn't really care. We all celebrated. People were so happy and excited.

I kept thinking, why wouldn't they tell us that? Why would they do this without out knowledge? It seemed... Wrong. We all were in a cartoon ecstacy. We were basically floating around, the grass was greener. It was over. But... It was a parody of itself. I knew this much. I was experiencing it but it didn't seem real. None of it seemed real.

It couldn't have been.

[succubustears]

Happy birthday, darling.

[succubustears]

I know it's unhealthy to be possessive and jealous. But I like it in a man. It feels so primal.

[succubustears]

I want to belong to someone. I want someone to see me as theirs, and only theirs.

[succubustears]

I just want to love and be loved.