sudinov-blog

[sudinov-blog]

like??? we literally created this situation. the current situation in the rpc is a microcosm of whats happening in the Wider Land of transformative works and the Even Wider Land of fiction/media. canon female characters are CONSTANTLY shat on, especially when they exhibit any sexuality of their own. self-inserts or just Regular female ocs are constantly shat on, especially when you ship them with a canon character. genderbends of fave male muses ARE inherently transphobic and they also came about bc of trying to insert women into male-centric stories in a more Publically Acceptable way – using the characters that were already available (again, not denying that it’s transphobic af, just commenting on it as a social phenomena and Why it was so popular). 

we’ve all continued to socially engineer a situation where women can only write male muses. in 2010 there was a huge shift in the rpc where female / fem-aligned muses, esp if they were written by women or fem-aligned persons, were Suddenly under a lens for how much smu/t they wrote, for their plots, in a way tht male & male-aligned muses simply weren’t and are not. i remember whole blogs getting publically shamed and humiliated for it. and that’s still upheld today – we continue to uphold this situation by not talking about it. by not examining it and understanding how we contribute to it.

when you critique a piece of media and all your commentary involves putting the women in the show or the movie or the literature under a microscopic lens in a way that the men are not – you contribute to it. when you constantly go on and on about “shitty self-insert fics” knowing Full Well that most of those self-insert ocs are….female ocs, and go about mocking rather than giving any constructive criticism, especially when the mocking involves shipping with canon characters in situations where it’s warranted (like obvs it wouldn’t be okay if they were shipping their female oc with a canonically gay man or writing smut w a character who has expressed Clear disinterest in sex) – you contribute to it. when you surround yourself w male muses and male-aligned muses and only look to women for shipping (esp cis ablebodied white women) – you contribute to it. when you put a female muse / fem-aligned muse under the Microscope for a follow in ways you wouldnt for a male or male-aligned muse – you contribute to it. 

we all contribute to it, and the only way it gets ANY better is through examination and discussion which NONE OF YOU are willing to have. you’ll go on and on and ON about purple prose or icon size or an issue that specifically pertains to you but not the way we engage and uphold sexism and misogyny in this community. even though so many of us are women & fem-aligned?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[sudinov-blog]

I can’t talk about it because if I talk about it that means it matters. If it matters that means it’s real, and if it’s real that means it’s going to hurt.

I can’t talk about it. (via insanely–crazy)

[sudinov-blog]

richard siken sentence starters.

quotes are all taken from various poems out of richard siken’s poetry book crush.  feel free to change pronouns/etc if needed.

❝  tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.  ❞

❝  tell me we’ll never get used to it.  ❞

❝  there are so many things i’m not allowed to tell you.  ❞

❝  i swallow your heart and it crawls right out of my mouth.  ❞

❝  i want it back now, baby. i want it back.  ❞

❝  i’m sorry. we know how it works. the world is no longer mysterious.  ❞

❝  that’s a nice touch.  ❞

❝  i like him and i want to be like him.  ❞

❝  i’m sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.  ❞

❝  history repeats itself.  ❞

❝  there are many names in history, but none of them are ours.  ❞

❝  you could drown in those eyes.  ❞

❝  but damn if there isn’t anything sexier than a slender boy with a handgun, a fast car, a bottle of pills.  ❞

❝  sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine.  ❞

❝  i couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time.  ❞

❝  you wanted happiness, i can’t blame you for that, and maybe a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy but tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.  ❞

❝  there is no way to make this story interesting.  ❞

❝  i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything, without having to say that i ran out into the street to prove something.  ❞

❝  tell me we’re dead and i’ll love you even more.  ❞

❝  you will be alone always and then you will die.  ❞

❝  i’m sorry i came to your party and seduced you and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.  ❞

❝  who am i? i’m just a writer. i write things down.  ❞

❝  i take it back.  ❞

❝  here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.  ❞

❝  you still get to be the hero.  ❞

❝  what more do you want?  ❞

❝  love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. it’s like a religion. it’s terrifying.  ❞

❝  no one will ever want to sleep with you.  ❞

❝  you know that recently we have had our difficulties and there are many things i want to ask you.  ❞

❝  you had not expected this.  ❞

❝  walk a mile in my shoes.  ❞

❝  a man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he’s still left with the river.  ❞

❝  you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore.  ❞

❝  hush, my sweet. these tornadoes are for you.  ❞

❝  that sounds overly valorous.  ❞

❝  do you love yourself?  ❞

❝  i don’t have to answer that.  ❞

❝  you wanted more.  ❞

❝  i had a dream about you.  ❞

❝  there’s nowhere to go. there’s nowhere to go.  ❞

❝  in these dreams it’s always you: the boy in the sweatshirt, the boy on the bridge, the boy who always keeps me from jumping off the bridge.  ❞

❝  will you love me even more when i’m dead?  ❞

❝  you didn’t show up. i kept waiting.  ❞

❝  i swallowed crushed ice pretending it was glass and you’re dead.  ❞

❝  i don’t really blame you for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.  ❞

❝  you can sleep now, you said. you can sleep now. you said that. i had a dream where you said that. thanks for saying that. you weren’t supposed to.  ❞

❝  hello darling, welcome home.  ❞

❝  please keep him safe.  ❞

❝  i just don’t want to die anymore.  ❞

❝  you want to die for love, you always have.  ❞

❝  you didn’t think you’d feel this way.  ❞

❝  you saved my life. i owe you, i owe you everything.  ❞

❝  please, just for one night, will you lie down next to me, we can leave our clothes on, we can stay all buttoned up.  ❞

❝  you’re all i ever wanted and worth dying for, too.  ❞

❝  drive into that tree, drive off the embankment. ______, make something happen.  ❞

❝  we are not dirty.  ❞

❝  you keep singing along to that song i hate. stop singing.  ❞

❝  here is the sink to wash away the blood.  ❞

❝  this is not harmless. you are not breathing.  ❞

❝  i will come back from the dead for you.  ❞

[sudinov-blog]

But I swear to God, if you don’t get up right now, I will kill you.

[sudinov-blog]

     so   while   i   work  on   icons    :      here   is   a       starter   call          for   mutuals   !     the   length   will   vary   ,    &     there  is   a  chance   to   i  will   come  into  your    IM’s    for   some   plotting   too  !

[sudinov-blog]

     so   while   i   work  on   icons    :      here   is   a       starter   call          for   mutuals   !     the   length   will   vary   ,    &     there  is   a  chance   to   i  will   come  into  your    IM’s    for   some   plotting   too  !

[sudinov-blog]

Alex + smiles

[sudinov-blog]

    SURVIVOR  !  *        hellooo !    i  am  still  working   on  few  things   on  this   blog ,    including  a   proper   promo  ,     could  you   meanwhile   please    leave   this   post   a     like   /   reblog     if  you’d    like   to   interact   with      alexandra  udinov       from       nikita  .                                                   thank  you   in  advance  !     ♡   

[sudinov-blog]

tag  drop  !

[sudinov-blog]

My father was gunned down in front of me when I was thirteen years old; I was sold into slavery, but I lived; I came out a drug addict, but I got clean; I’ve killed dangerous men, and I’ve watched people I love die in my arms.