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Bleak House

I've just made a massive career shift. It is perhaps the biggest mistake I've ever made (barring that one person I dated that one time).

I thought that if I could handle the aggressively ambitious coworkers in one industry, it would be just as easy to handle them in another industry. I was wrong. I picked an industry where not only are the coworkers ambitious, but the business is ambitious too.

We want to earn MILLIONS in revenue this year, they said. We have this amazing product that helps other businesses save money. And by selling them this product, we'll make millions and millions.

Alright, I said. How hard can this be? My job involves doing the thing I've done for over ten years. Surely they will just give me broad instructions and let me do my thing – the thing they hired me to do.

I never typically account for the fact that people like to feel important at work. That they usually have motivations beyond making enough money to survive while pursuing their other passions. That kind of work-life balance is for morons like me.

I've always wondered why some people go out of their way to get a pat on the head from the boss, why they try to push their teams to the very limits. I've always assumed that everyone is on board with the status quo – we're pretending to hold up the illusion of "business" so we can use our Monopoly money to find ways to be happy.

I don't know about you, but I use my Monopoly money to buy books, have meals with friends, get a pretentious art film subscription, collect vinyls and so on and so forth. My Monopoly money reminds me that there is a life outside of the 40-hour construct of a work week.

During those 40 hours, I'm expected to say unintelligible things like ROI and CPC and learn frameworks someone made up to be able to sell their book. I'm expected to join meetings where we discuss outcomes, outcomes, outcomes.

How do we earn MILLIONS in revenue this year? How do we earn MILLIONS so we can give you a few HUNDREDS. And a little gift at Christmas for being so good all year. Capitalist Santa has kept a list.

Oh, Santa has a list. Did you think fast or slow? Did you build atomic habits? How did you measure PRODUCTIVITY? Did you help the founder earn MILLIONS in revenue this year?

As I try to learn how to fit into this construct, watch others show up at work in full clown mask and costume (just like me), as I accept that this is likely what the next 25 years of my life looks like, I'm often left humbled and digging into a bag of chips.

The profound realization that I'm a cog in the wheel of shareholder value has launched me into the gentle arms of therapy. Perhaps the only silver lining is that my employer is helping mitigate the problem they created – by paying for my therapy.