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Chariot Racing; {Credit}

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The Love Poems of Rumi, Bittersweet edited by Deepak Chopra First published 1273

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A Pensive Beauty (b.1843-1931) by Eugene de Blaas

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Emily Dickinson, from a letter to Mrs. G. J. Holland featured in The Letters of Emily Dickinson

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instagram | photos are my own, reblogs fine, do not repost/reuse

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𓂃 🔭⭑traveling with your F/Os . .

. . . There’s something quietly sacred about moving through the world with them; side by side on winding roads, in crowded stations, under foreign skies that feel less unfamiliar when you're together. You share headphones and snacks, trade glances that say more than words, laugh at signs you can’t read and find comfort in the way their presence makes even the strange feel like home.

They brush your hand as you walk, not always holding it, but always close enough to remind you you’re not alone. You catch them watching you when you’re looking out at the view, like you’re the one worth traveling for.

It's like a promise: no matter how far you wander, you're never truly lost.

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*my two brain cells while reading this*

there is this tender ach to this that I empathise wit, the slow kind of sunday love, the dancing and dreaming and flowers and drawning and old fashioned loving......

only for it all to stop.

The "we were. And then with weren't" paired with the photo of the two cuddling against a bookshelf and the picture of old Steve from behind from a wide shoot with the sea and wildflowers aesthetically wise is really nice, emotionally though it's like putting my heart through a meat grinder.

"you knew I was fragile but you fucking dropped me anyway" whooa

really it just drives the point straight to the beating heart, cus Anna doesn't swear, she's got a clean mouth on her (compared to Maise would took after both Constantine and Wade) and her swearing just adds to this crushing weight of grief and sorrow and raw hurt.

It hurt to think that this is how Anna views themself, it hurts to know that they think themselves hard to love and Steve , hypocrite that he is, has unwittingly proved that to her.

And I know that Maise would just feel this surge of disconnected angry flare in her at all this, pressing her mouth into a harsh line and trying to be as stone faced as she can whenever Steve is nearby cus how dare he do this? How dare he tarnish her sisters light like this? Take all the comfort and peace they brought and return it with pain and self doubt?

The only things that are comforting me is that I know Sloan is rolling down the corner with his flaming bike, and the fact that Wade is flip flopping between giving Steve a violent wedgie and giving him the cold shoulder cus he is an old man now.

A Study In Having It All (And Then Losing It All) ft. Anna Stark and Steve Rogers

My own thoughts and feelings about Steve and Anna and a little of Sloan (sorry, can't do a Read More or else tungleer will ruin my webweave formatting-- it's done this four times now ^^,):

I used to have a romantic ship with Steve a couple years ago, and absolutely adored it. Adored what I'd made for us. And then... well. Endgame happened. I am not a selfshipper who ignores canon relationship pairings- if there's a clear canon romance, I don't break it up.

So I was devastated when Steve went back for Peggy- devastated and angry and disappointed, especially after he preached so much about how important it was to move forward in life, to not dwell on the past. It was such a hypocritical moment that it shocked me and left me rattled- part of my dispair was ties to his brotherhood with Bucky too because he had done SO MUCH for Bucky, literally tore the team apart just for him ONLY TO GO BACK AND ABANDON HIM FOR PEGGY. It felt like a huge slap in the face and still does.

So... Anna gets to be subjected to all that. They have a queerplatonic relationship with Steve- never quite completely romantic but never strictly platonic. Their heartache and loss and grief over him choosing Peggy over her is something visceral and raw to me. And I love it. It hurts, but it doesn't make it any less precious to me.

It's funny because Anna is so in love with love, but after Steve's betrayal she's jaded, pained, wanting to still be soft and in love with love but he's left her with such a bad taste in their mouth, such a strong insecurity of never being someone's chosen no.1. Which is sad of course but especially because I like to think Steve DID love Anna, but because he was so afraid of losing them like he lost Peggy and still actively longed for what he didn't have with Peggy, he never let himself love them as much as Anna deserved. Anna, a safe place to land but not to call home. An anchor Steve willingly tethered himself to amongst the upheaval of waking up after 70 years...

... until he cut the cords and left Anna to sink.

By the time he can apologize, Steve has already reaped the rewards of his own betrayal. His apology is sincere, but oh, what does it matter? Anna has no choice but to forgive him because what else is there to do? Hold a grudge against a dying old man? Refuse him? What would that do? The very sight of him is a slap to the face.

So they forgive him. But they don't forget what he did or how it changed them.

.... I left that last quote because it's a hint toward Anna eventually meeting Sloan. I imagine Anna thinks of themself as damaged goods when Sloan comes along which is all well and good because Sloan themself is rather damaged too.

They won't fix each other. But they will help each other fix themselves.

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“She lay in the dark and knew everything.”

— IAN McEWAN, ATONEMENT