sugarsaints
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✷ i beg you, eat me up───want me down to the marrow.
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fanfic titles be like “we have not touched the stars (nor are we forgiven)” and then you look at the tags & the first one is “anal fisting”
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*Valley Girl voice*: I must, like, not fear. Fear is literally the mind-killer. Like it’s basically the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will totally face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me, and? When it’s gone? I’m gonna like turn the inner eye to see its path! Where the fear has gone there will be literally nothing. Only I will remain.
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Jason Mowry, “Circle”, watercolor and gouache. Was born and lives in Ohio.
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stopppppp im going to pass away just thinking abt this
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"holy shit they finally confessed, what comes next--"

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im very in love with book jamie at the moment…

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Love the word "also". I have more things to say
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”remus lupin likes smart girls” i whisper, closing the textbook and going to sleep anyways.
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cold!reader used to work with VCAC? the idea that she's good with children despite just hating everyone is so funny to me
would you consider writing a fic where the BAUs main witness is a kid and cold reader is the only person to get through to them? and then the kid becomes like super attached and the rest of the team is just like 'hm, strange' because they never expected her to be good with kids? thank you!
𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲-𝐬𝐢𝐱 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬.
A family annihilator who's killed three families in two months makes a fatal mistake. He leaves behind a witness, a child, and she's the only one that can help solve the case.
cold!reader ❅ 10.0k ❅ series masterlist. ❅ main masterlist.
CW | typical criminal minds violence, violence against children, mentions of trauma and ptsd, you do not know how tempted i was to kill this child but i didn’t
The scent of burnt coffee lingers in the air, mingling with the sterile chill of the air conditioning.
The conference room is dim, the overhead lights casting a dull glow against the crime scene photos spread across the table. Three families, their faces smiling in old photographs, juxtaposed with the horror of their final moments.
You sit stiffly in your chair, arms crossed, watching as Hotch stands at the head of the table. His expression is unreadable, but the tension in his shoulders speaks for itself.
The team is silent as he clicks to the next slide on the projector, displaying the most recent crime scene. Blood splatters across beige carpet. A broken picture frame. A child's shoe, left in the doorway.
“This is our unsub's third family in six weeks,” Hotch says, his voice steady but heavy. “All killed in their own homes, in the middle of the night. No signs of forced entry, no clear connection between the families. Each time, he’s managed to evade security cameras and forensic evidence. He’s methodical, careful, and fast.”
“Spree killer tendencies, but controlled,” Spencer interjects from across the table. His fingers drum against the tabletop as he speaks. “He escalates quickly, but there’s no erratic behaviour at the scenes. He’s not disorganised—he knows exactly what he’s doing,”
“Until now,” JJ murmurs. She leans forward, her brows drawn together, eyes fixed on the next image—a little girl. The survivor.
She’s small, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, pressed into the corner of what looks like a hospital bed. A police officer stands nearby, talking to her, but there’s no recognition in her eyes. She looks… empty.
“She got away,” Emily says, glancing at Hotch. “How?”
“The unsub killed her parents and older brother before she managed to escape through a back door,” he explains. “The neighbours called 911 when they heard screaming. By the time officers arrived, the house was quiet, and the suspect was gone. She was found hiding in their backyard shed.”
“A survivor,” Morgan says, shaking his head. “That changes things. This guy has a pattern—he wipes out the entire family unit. That means she wasn’t supposed to make it out alive,”
“Which means he might try again,” Rossi adds grimly.
A beat of silence. The weight of the statement settles over the room like thick fog.
“Local PD has had no luck getting her to talk,” Hotch continues. “She hasn’t said a word about what happened. Refuses to answer questions. She’s traumatised, barely verbal, and right now, she’s under police protection until we can confirm if she has any extended family who can take her in.”
You shift in your seat, already sensing where this is going. A slow dread creeps up your spine as Hotch’s gaze flickers toward you.
“We need to get through to her,” he says. “She’s the only witness we have, and if the unsub left anything behind—a name, a face, a detail—she’s the only one who can give it to us.”
His words hang in the air for a second too long. You feel everyone’s eyes move toward you.
And then Hotch says it.
“I want you to talk to her.”
You inhale sharply, jaw tightening. "Hotch—"
“You have a PhD in Psychology,” he cuts in smoothly, as if he already anticipated your pushback. “And your time in VCAC makes you the most qualified person here to work with child victims.”
The mention of VCAC makes your stomach twist. You fight the urge to grimace.
“I moved to the BAU for a reason,” you remind him, keeping your voice measured. “Children can be… difficult. Especially ones dealing with trauma this severe. She’s not just going to start talking because I ask her to.”
“I know,” Hotch says. “But if anyone can get her to open up, it’s you.”
Silence stretches between you.
You don’t want to do this.
You hate working with kids. Not because you don’t care, but because they feel too much.
They cry, they panic, they cling, and their emotions are messy—unpredictable in ways adults rarely are.
You spent years in VCAC, watching helpless children break apart under the weight of their own trauma, and it wore you down in ways you never admitted.
That’s why you left.
You’re not the nurturing type. You don’t coddle, you don’t reassure with empty promises, and you don’t have the patience for endless sobs and incomprehensible explanations.
And yet.
You glance at the image of the little girl again. She looks so small. So completely alone.
No one else in this room is going to be able to reach her. And if she doesn’t talk, if she doesn’t tell you what she saw—
The unsub will keep killing.
You exhale slowly, forcing the tension out of your shoulders.
“Fine,” you say finally. “I’ll do it.”
“Good,” Hotch nods. “Wheels up in 30.”
The meeting disperses, chairs scraping against the floor as the team gathers their things. You stay seated for a moment, staring at the blurred-out image of the girl on the screen.
A hand brushes against your arm.
You look up to see Spencer standing beside you, concern flickering in his eyes.
“You okay?” he asks softly.
You almost say yes, but stop yourself. Instead, you shrug.
“It’s just… not my favourite thing to do,” you admit, voice quieter than usual.
He nods, as if he understands. Maybe he does.
“You’ll be good at it,” he says. No hesitation. No doubt. Just quiet certainty.
For some reason, that makes your chest tighten.
You swallow, push back your chair, and stand.
“Let’s hope so,” you mutter, grabbing your case file.
And then you follow the team out the door.
—
The jet touches down in Minnesota under a dull, overcast sky, the kind that promises rain but never quite delivers. The air outside is biting, cold enough that you pull your coat tighter around you as the team steps off the plane.
The local PD is already waiting for you on the tarmac, their unmarked cars idling, exhaust curling into the frigid air. Hotch exchanges quick introductions, then splits the team without hesitation.
“Rossi—you’re with me at the latest crime scene. JJ, you’ll work with the department’s media liaison to handle the press. Morgan, Prentiss, you’re going to the ME’s office to go over autopsy findings.”
His gaze lands on you. “You’re going to the station to talk to the girl.”
You nod, ignoring the way your stomach tightens at the assignment.
“I’ll go with her,” Spencer says, stepping forward.
Hotch gives him a brief look, then nods. “Keep me updated.”
You don’t say anything as you and Spencer break off from the group, climbing into the backseat of a waiting squad car. The officer driving doesn’t speak much, just gives you a curt nod before pulling out onto the highway.
You spend the drive flipping through the case file, rereading the details you already know.
The survivor’s name is Madelyn Carter. Eight years old. No prior history of abuse or neglect. No suspicious activity leading up to the night of the murders. A completely normal kid—until the night she lost everything.
The police reports are frustratingly sparse. Non-verbal. Unresponsive to questioning. Won’t engage.
You tap your fingers against the file, jaw tight. She’s just a child, but already, you can feel the weight of the challenge ahead of you.
The police station is small, tucked into a sleepy suburban district, the kind of place that probably never sees much worse than drunk and disorderly charges.
But today, it’s buzzing with quiet tension.
You and Spencer are led to a small interview room at the end of the hallway. The walls are a washed-out shade of blue, meant to be calming, but the effect is ruined by the harsh fluorescent lighting.
And there, curled up on a chair too big for her, is Madelyn.
She’s impossibly small, arms wrapped around herself, knees drawn up to her chest. Her hair is tangled at the ends, her clothes a size too big, probably donated by someone at the station. A stuffed rabbit sits limply in her lap, its fur worn and patchy.
She doesn’t look up when you walk in.
The officer standing in the corner—a middle-aged woman with tired eyes—gives you a look that’s equal parts sympathy and frustration.
“She hasn’t said a word since we brought her in,” she murmurs.
You nod, but your focus is on the girl.
You know better than to overwhelm her right away, so you take your time settling into the chair across from her. No sudden movements. No clipped, authoritative tone. Just careful, deliberate quiet.
“Hi, Madelyn,” you say gently.
She doesn’t acknowledge you.
That’s fine. You expected this.
You shift slightly in your seat, keeping your posture relaxed as you introduce yourself to her. “I’m a Doctor, I’m going to try and help you,”
Still nothing.
You glance at Spencer, who watches the interaction closely, hands tucked into the pockets of his cardigan.
“That’s a nice bunny,” you say, nodding toward the stuffed animal in her lap.
Madelyn doesn’t respond, doesn’t even flick her eyes toward you. She just tightens her grip on the rabbit, her small fingers curling into its worn fur.
You exhale slowly, adjusting your approach.
“I used to have one kind of like that when I was little,” you continue, keeping your voice soft, conversational. “Mine was a bear, though. His name was Theo. I took him everywhere.”
Nothing.
Not surprising, but frustrating nonetheless.
You lean back slightly in your chair, glancing at Spencer, who watches the exchange with quiet patience.
“You’re good at this,” he murmurs under his breath, just for you to hear. “Just be patient,”
You barely resist the urge to roll your eyes. “She hasn’t said a word, Spencer.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s not listening,”
You don’t respond, but his words linger in your mind as you turn back to Madelyn.
She’s still curled up, still silent, but you notice the way her fingers twitch slightly against the rabbit’s ear. It’s a small movement, but it tells you one thing, she’s aware of you.
That’s something.
You decide to change tactics. Instead of talking, you lean forward, resting your arms on the table between you. Then you take out your notepad and a pen, clicking it open.
Madelyn doesn’t look up, but you catch the smallest flicker of movement in her posture—curiosity.
Good.
You start to doodle. Simple things. A flower, a star, little patterns in the margins.
Still nothing from her.
But when you glance up a few minutes later, her eyes are on the notepad.
Just for a second. But she was looking.
You resist the urge to smile. Instead, you gently slide the notepad across the table toward her, placing the pen on top.
“You can draw something, if you want,” you say simply. “You don’t have to, but sometimes it helps.”
Madelyn doesn’t react immediately. But then, slowly—so slowly—her fingers twitch again, and she reaches out.
She doesn’t grab the pen. But she touches it.
Your heart stutters slightly in your chest.
Progress.
You let her take her time. You don’t push, don’t rush. You just watch as her tiny fingers trace the edge of the pen absently.
You glance at Spencer again, and his expression is warm. Encouraging.
After a long silence, he speaks, his voice gentle.
“Do you like stories, Madelyn?”
She doesn’t answer.
But after a moment, she nods. Barely. But it’s a nod.
You share a look with Spencer, and for the first time since walking into this room, you feel the smallest spark of hope.
She’s in there.
You just have to find a way to bring her out.
—
You don’t know how long you sit there, watching Madelyn’s fingers trace absent shapes against the edge of the pen. Time moves strangely in moments like this—slow and thick, like wading through molasses.
Spencer stays quiet, offering his presence but not overwhelming the space. You appreciate it more than you’d ever admit.
Madelyn doesn’t speak. But she nods. And she touches the pen.
That’s more than you had ten minutes ago.
So you build on it.
“You like stories,” you say, keeping your voice soft. “What kind of stories?”
No response.
You lean back slightly. “I like mysteries.” A pause. “Not the scary kind, though. More like… puzzles. Things that make you think.”
Nothing at first. But then—so subtle you almost miss it—Madelyn shifts. It’s small, just the faintest movement of her shoulders, but it’s acknowledgment.
Encouraged, you try again.
“I think you might be really good at puzzles,” you say casually. “The way you were looking at my drawings earlier—that was you figuring things out, right?”
She still doesn’t answer, but this time, you catch the way she avoids your gaze, like she’s fighting the urge to react.
She’s engaged. Even if she won’t admit it yet.
So you take another risk.
“Do you want to play a game?”
That gets her attention. Not fully, but her head tilts just slightly—like she’s listening more closely.
You grab the notepad again, flipping to a fresh page.
“It’s really simple,” you tell her. “I draw something, and you guess what it is. If you guess right, it’s your turn to draw something for me.”
You don’t expect an immediate response, so you keep moving. You draw a cat. Just a simple, messy sketch, the kind a kid might do. Then you slide the notepad back toward her and wait.
Silence.
You don’t push.
Then, after an agonising pause—Madelyn reaches for the pen.
She doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t look at you.
But she writes one word in the space beneath your drawing.
Cat.
Something in your chest unclenches.
“Yeah,” you say, voice even softer than before. “It’s a cat.”
Madelyn’s fingers tighten around the pen.
Then—hesitant, almost reluctant—she starts to draw.
It’s shaky, unsure, but after a moment, you recognise it.
A rabbit. Her stuffed animal.
You don’t rush to answer. You let the moment sit, giving her control.
Finally, you say, “Is it your bunny?”
Madelyn nods.
Not small. Not hesitant. A real, full nod.
Your breath catches. Spencer’s posture shifts beside you, like he can feel the significance of it, too.
You’ve got her.
—
It takes another hour before she agrees to talk.
You don’t push her. You keep playing, keep gently pulling her out of the dark space she’s been locked in. She tells you her bunny’s name is Milo, that he’s red because it’s her favourite colour, about things that don’t hurt to answer.
She tells you her friends call her Maddie. You ask if you can. She agrees.
And slowly, carefully, she leans into it.
Finally, when the moment feels right, you set your pen down.
“Maddie,” you say gently. “I need to ask you about what happened that night.”
Immediately, she shrinks in on herself.
You don’t reach for her. Don’t move too fast.
“I know it’s scary,” you continue. “And I know it hurts to think about. But you’re the only one who knows what he looks like.”
Her grip on Milo tightens.
You lean forward slightly. “I want to stop him,” you say. “I don’t want him to hurt anyone else. But I can’t do that without your help.”
She’s trembling. But she’s listening.
Spencer speaks for the first time in a while, his voice quiet but steady.
“We can do it in a way that’s not so scary,” he tells her. “You don’t have to remember everything at once. We can do it piece by piece, and you can stop whenever you want.”
Maddie hesitates.
Then, after a long, agonising pause—she nods.
You take a slow breath.
“Okay,” you murmur. “Let’s do this together.”
—
The cognitive interview is exhausting. For her, for you, for everyone in the room.
You guide her through it carefully—asking her to picture the house, to focus on what she remembers before things got bad.
She whispers about the TV being on. About how her brother was playing a game on his tablet. About how her dad was in the kitchen, and her mom was upstairs.
Then—the noise.
Something breaking.
Screaming.
Maddie shakes violently, curling in on herself, and you immediately pull back.
“It’s okay,” you say quickly. “You’re safe. You’re here with us.”
She nods, but her breath is coming too fast, her body trembling too much.
Spencer places a gentle hand on your arm, meeting your gaze. You understand what he’s asking. Back off. Give her a moment.
So you do.
You wait.
Finally, she whispers, “He—he was big,”
You go still.
She’s talking about him.
You nod encouragingly. “Okay. Big. Can you tell me anything else?”
A shaky breath.
“H-he had a… a hat.”
You glance at Spencer, who’s already jotting this down in the case file.
Maddie’s voice is barely audible.
“I think it was red.”
Your heart pounds.
Piece by piece, she tells you more. His height. His clothes. A scar on his arm.
By the time she stops, she’s crying.
You reach forward, gently—so gently—and brush a piece of hair from her face.
“You did so good, Maddie,” you tell her. “So, so good.”
She hiccups, her tiny body wracked with exhaustion.
And then—before you can react—she throws herself into your arms.
You freeze.
You’re not the nurturing type. You don’t know how to do this.
But right now, this kid trusts you in a way she doesn’t trust anyone else.
So you let her cling.
You let her cry.
And for the first time in a long time—
You don’t pull away.
—
The interview is over, but somehow, it feels like the work is just beginning.
Maddie doesn’t leave your side.
Not even for a second.
You’d thought that once the interview was done, you’d be able to hand her over to someone else—maybe the police, or someone from her extended family who was supposed to arrive soon. But instead, Maddie just… clings.
After the interview, she refuses to let go of your hand. You try to tell her she can go with one of the officers to get something to eat, but her grip tightens.
When you tell her it’s time for you to go back to work, she just looks up at you, her eyes wide with that quiet, vulnerable desperation that makes you want to soften, but you can’t.
Her tiny fingers dig into your sleeve when you stand, like she’s afraid you’ll disappear.
You can’t blame her.
You’ve been the one who’s been there for her, the one who’s gotten her to speak, the one who’s made her feel safe for the first time in days.
But the child is persistent.
Everywhere you go, she follows. To the small break room where the team is gathering, to the bathroom when you briefly step away, back to the conference room where they’ve gathered for a case update.
She’s your shadow now.
And the team notices.
You try not to make it awkward, but it's impossible when she insists on sitting at your side, her tiny body almost engulfed by the chair next to you. Her stuffed bunny sits in her lap, its fur nearly as frayed as her nerves, but she holds it tightly. It’s like her last link to some semblance of safety.
Morgan raises an eyebrow as he walks in. “I thought we were done with the interview?”
“We are,” you say, keeping your tone neutral. “She just… she doesn’t want to leave me.”
No one teases you—at least, not directly—but there’s a quiet amusement in the air as they all take in the sight of Madelyn curled up in her oversized chair, the edges of her blanket practically touching the floor, with you sitting across from her.
Hotch is the only one who doesn’t seem particularly surprised. He’s worked with children before—he knows how attachment works, especially after trauma.
But the others? They’re bemused.
JJ glances over at you as she sips her coffee, a smile pulling at her lips. “She seems to have taken quite a liking to you,”
You tilt your head, barely acknowledging her. “I’m just doing my job.”
Maddie, of course, doesn’t let go of you, even as the case discussion begins. She stays glued to your side, her small hand clutching the sleeve of your jacket, her eyes darting from one agent to the next as they go over the details of the unsub’s pattern.
You keep your voice even, answering questions when necessary, but it’s becoming increasingly hard to focus when you feel the weight of her gaze fixed on you, like she’s waiting for something.
Spencer notices.
He’s been watching the whole scene unfold with quiet fascination, his arms crossed, his head slightly tilted, like he’s trying to puzzle out the situation. Finally, when the meeting breaks up, he sidles up next to you as you get ready to leave the conference room.
“She’s really latched onto you, huh?” he says, his voice low, but the smile tugging at his lips is evident.
You glance at him, your expression unreadable. “It’s nothing. Just transference.”
“Uh-huh.” He doesn’t believe you, but he doesn’t push.
Maddie hasn’t let go of you once during the discussion, and now that it’s over, she’s still following you around, pressing close to your side as you move toward the exit.
“Are you hungry, Maddie?” you ask her gently, glancing down at her with a touch of exasperation. “You haven’t eaten, and I’m pretty sure there’s a café close to here.”
Her head nods almost imperceptibly.
Spencer watches, his eyes softening slightly as he observes the quiet bond that’s developed between the two of you. It’s not obvious at first—just the way the girl clings to you like you’re the only thing tethering her to some kind of reality.
“Maybe we can grab lunch,” he suggests, his tone more teasing than anything. “I mean, you’ve earned it. Getting the kid to open up like that? Not easy.”
You roll your eyes, though there's no malice behind it. “I’m just doing what needs to be done.”
“You’re good at it.”
You mutter something under your breath about it not being a permanent situation, but Spencer just chuckles.
He walks with you as you lead Maddie toward the small café a few blocks away. As you cross the threshold of the restaurant, you notice the oddity of the whole situation.
It’s strange to have someone at your side like this. A small, vulnerable child who insists on being with you despite everything that happened.
The waitress gives you an odd look when you request a secluded booth, but she doesn’t say anything. You slide in, Maddie immediately beside you, her fingers still clutching your sleeve.
Spencer orders for everyone, giving Maddie a soft smile as he does. You can’t help but notice the way his expression softens around her.
“She seems to like you,” Spencer comments as you sit, his voice light but carrying a certain warmth.
You cross your arms and shoot him a glance. “What can I say? I’m just a magnet for clingy children.”
Spencer laughs quietly, but it’s warm. “You’re good with her. I think she feels safe around you. And you are good at what you do.”
“Thanks,” you mutter, but there’s something unsettlingly genuine in your voice.
Spencer raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t press you. Instead, he changes the subject, discussing the case with you as if nothing’s out of the ordinary.
But in the back of your mind, you can’t shake the feeling that something has changed.
As you eat, Maddie picks at her food, her gaze flickering from you to Spencer and back again. She looks at you with a certain familiarity, like she trusts you completely, like you’re the one person who’s made her feel safe in the whirlwind of everything that happened.
After a while, she speaks.
“Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Your fork stops halfway to your mouth. Spencer looks at you from across the table, just as surprised.
You freeze. How do you explain the whole weird mess that is your and Spencer’s relationship to an eight-year-old? How do you explain the not-together-but-kinda-together situation that doesn’t even make sense to you half the time?
So you side-step the question.
“No, sweetie,” you say, “Not quite.”
Maddie doesn’t seem disappointed by that answer. She just nods, although a little confused.
You glance at Spencer, who’s trying to hide a smile behind his cup of water.
“It’s okay to be curious,” he tells her gently.
You roll your eyes and take another bite of your food. “It's just complicated,”
Maddie shrugs, her focus shifting back to her plate. She doesn't press any further, and for a brief moment, you almost feel normal again—just two adults eating lunch with a kid. Like a proxy family.
But normal doesn’t last long. The reality is that she’s still attached to you, and you're still the one she turns to. For now, at least.
And despite all your reservations, there’s a part of you that’s starting to understand why.
—
The evening sets in with an oppressive stillness that mirrors the tension in the air.
Maddie has been tucked into a small cot, an officer stationed outside her door to ensure her safety. She’s asleep now, her face still flushed from the day’s events, her small form curled tightly under the blankets. The moment she closed her eyes, a quiet kind of peace settled in the room, but the unease in your chest hasn’t subsided.
The case isn’t over. Not by a long shot.
The team has reconvened, sitting around the large conference table in the BAU’s temporary Minnesota office. The maps, photos, and notes are all spread out before you, the room filled with the usual quiet hum of focus.
They’re all working with urgency now—calculating, piecing together information, and drawing conclusions. But none of them, not even Hotch, seem willing to speak the one truth you’re certain of.
Madelyn is in danger.
It’s only a matter of time before the unsub comes back for her.
“Based on the pattern,” Hotch begins, his voice steady, “we can assume the unsub is going to strike again. He’s methodical. The way he works suggests he’s already been planning this next move. We have a window.”
You listen, but you’re not really hearing him. Your eyes are fixed on the girl’s picture—the innocent smile frozen in time, the eyes full of unspoken fear. She’s just a little girl.
“And our best bet,” Morgan continues, leaning forward as he studies the information in front of him, “is to get her back into her old house. Lure the unsub out with a setup that looks weak—something that’ll convince him to make his move.”
Your stomach churns.
“That’s what we’re doing,” Hotch affirms, his eyes briefly meeting yours. “We need to make sure he’s brought to justice, and we’re running out of time.”
You can feel it—the tension rising in your chest, suffocating you. It’s not just the decision they’re making. It’s the plan. It’s the idea that they’re considering putting Madelyn in danger again.
You can’t stay silent.
“Are you serious?” Your voice cuts through the conversation like a knife. “We’re going to use her as bait?”
There’s an edge in your tone, one you rarely let genuinely show. The room goes still, and all eyes turn toward you.
Hotch looks at you with that ever-steady gaze of his, the kind that’s usually so impenetrable, but you can see the frustration beneath it. “We don’t have many options here. If we can’t draw him out, we risk losing him completely.”
“By using a child?” You repeat the word like it’s a poison, something that doesn’t belong in the same sentence as the word justice. You stand, unable to keep still, the anger making your pulse quicken. “This isn’t some game, Hotch. This is a real little girl. She’s already been through enough. We can’t just—”
“You’re overreacting,” Morgan interjects, his voice quieter now but firm. “We’re not putting her at direct risk. The setup will be controlled, and we’ll have backup in place,”
You shake your head, the words slipping from you before you can stop them. “Controlled? How do you control something like that? How do you control what he does to her when he finds out she’s there?”
Spencer speaks up from across the room, his voice calm but carrying an underlying note of empathy. “We’re not doing this blindly. There’s a risk, yes. But we’re also talking about a chance to stop him, once and for all. This is what we do,”
You turn to him, frustration boiling in your chest. “This is not our mission. She’s not just some tool to help us find a solution to our problems. She’s a child!”
Spencer’s eyes flash for a moment, but he softens his tone, lowering his voice. “I know, but we’re doing this to protect her. We can’t just sit back and wait for him to come to her. That’s not an option anymore,”
The conversation swirls around you, their voices growing distant in your ears as the weight of the decision begins to settle over you.
The plan, the baiting, the manipulation of this little girl’s already broken world—none of it feels right. The thought of putting her in harm’s way, even with all the precautions in place, is enough to make your stomach turn.
But no one is listening to you.
And you know, in the back of your mind, that it’s already decided. They’re going to go through with it.
Hotch gives you one last look, his gaze unreadable but firm. “I understand your concern, but this is the best option we have.”
You hold his gaze for a beat, the frustration still burning in your chest, but you can’t push it anymore.
Instead, you take a breath and step back, your voice tight. “Fine. But don’t expect me to like it.”
The rest of the team doesn’t speak up—no one challenges the decision. They all know what needs to be done, even if it isn’t easy. Even if it feels wrong.
And in that moment, you realise just how far this has gone. You’re not just part of the team anymore. You’re now complicit in something that you can’t reconcile with the woman you thought you were.
—
That night, you sit at your desk, staring at the case file in front of you, though you’re not really looking at it. Your thoughts drift back to Madelyn—her fragile, trusting eyes, the way she’s clung to you all day.
You didn’t sign up for this.
Spencer walks past your desk, pausing when he sees the way you’re hunched over the case files.
“You’re really not okay with this, are you?” he asks quietly, his voice soft but knowing.
You don’t answer at first, focusing on the photo of Madelyn. Her smile, her bunny clutched tight in her hands, all of it makes you feel like you’re trapped in a nightmare you can’t wake up from.
Finally, you speak, your voice barely a whisper. “I just—I can’t believe we’re doing this to her.”
Spencer’s silence speaks volumes. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, and you don’t expect him to. Finally, he leans in, his tone steady but sympathetic.
“Sometimes, we have to make hard choices,” he says. “But that doesn’t mean we forget who we’re doing it for,”
You glance up at him, meeting his eyes. There’s something in his gaze—a quiet understanding, a recognition of the struggle.
“You’ll be okay,” He hesitates before setting a hand against your cheek, thumb brushing over your skin. “And so will she,”
—
The silence in the room is almost oppressive. Madelyn has been tucked into her cot for the night, her small body curled into the covers as if trying to make herself as small as possible.
You’ve been avoiding looking at her, because every time you do, the weight of what you’re about to ask her presses down harder on your chest.
You know that this is necessary. You know that this is the only way to stop the unsub and give her a chance at safety. But that doesn’t make it feel any less wrong.
The plan is set. Tomorrow, they’ll use her as bait. And you, the one person she trusts in the world, are expected to stand by and watch.
It doesn’t matter that you’ll be there to protect her. It doesn’t matter that you’ll be the one closest to her. The thought of her being used like this leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that no amount of logic can cleanse.
But there’s no getting around it. The team has made their decision.
So you sit at the edge of her cot, trying to steady the storm of conflicting emotions swirling inside you. You’re the one who has to make her understand, and that terrifies you.
Maddie is lying on her side, her bunny tucked into the crook of her arm. She looks so small in the dim light, so fragile, and it hurts to see her like this.
The trauma she’s endured is still written on her face, though the interview was a step forward. But that doesn’t mean she’s ready for what’s about to happen. None of you are.
“Maddie?” you say softly, your voice quieter than usual. She doesn’t respond at first, her wide eyes flicking from her bunny to you. She’s so still, almost as though she’s bracing herself for something worse.
“Hey, sweetheart, look at me,” you coax gently, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She hesitates for a moment, but then she turns, her face a mask of anxiety and exhaustion.
You swallow hard, forcing yourself to hold her gaze. “I need to tell you something important. Do you remember what I told you earlier, about keeping you safe?”
She nods, her lips trembling. “You’re gonna stay with me?” Her voice is barely above a whisper, like she’s afraid of hearing the wrong answer.
Your heart aches. You can feel the weight of what you’re about to say hanging in the air like a storm cloud. But you can’t lie to her. Not now. She deserves the truth. Even if it breaks you to say it.
“I’m not going anywhere, okay?” you promise, trying to keep your voice steady. “But tomorrow… tomorrow’s going to be a little different.”
She furrows her brow, her small hands twisting the edges of her blanket. “How?”
You take a slow breath, carefully choosing your words. “Tomorrow, we’re going to do something to make sure that bad man never comes back. Something that will keep you safe. But it’s going to be a little scary, and I need you to trust me, okay?”
She looks up at you, eyes wide with apprehension. You can see her processing, the fear bubbling under the surface, trying to break through. But she doesn’t pull away. She stays there, watching you, waiting for the rest of it.
“It’s not going to be easy,” you continue. “We’re going to go to your old house, the place where all this happened, and we’re going to make it look like it did before. We’re going to have people watching from close by, and I’ll be right outside. The whole time, okay?”
Her lips tremble again, and you can see that she’s struggling to understand. The idea of going back to that house—where so much horror happened—is almost too much for her to process. You don’t blame her. You’d feel the same way.
“I won’t leave you,” you say again, making sure she hears the sincerity in your voice. “You’ll be safe, Maddie. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
The trust in her eyes is palpable, but the fear is too. Her small body stiffens for a moment, and she looks down at her bunny like it’s the only thing holding her together. “What if… what if I’m scared?” she asks, her voice barely audible.
You lean in, your heart breaking just a little more. “It’s okay to be scared, But we’ll make all the scary things go away.”
There’s a long pause, and for a moment, you almost feel like you’re breaking. The responsibility is too much, the pressure too great. You want so badly to pull her out of this situation, to find another way. But you can’t. You have to do this, not just for her, but for everyone who’s been affected by this unsub.
Madelyn bites her lip, her eyes filled with uncertainty. “You promise?”
You nod, your voice thick with emotion. “I promise.”
She looks at you for a long moment, as if weighing your words, trying to decide if she can trust you. And then, just as you’re starting to doubt yourself, she nods, barely perceptible. “Okay. I trust you.”
The words settle between you both, and for a moment, you feel the quiet weight of the promise you just made. This isn’t just a case anymore. It’s her. It’s her safety, her future, and you’re the one who has to make sure she’s protected.
“Good girl,” you say softly, brushing a few stray strands of hair from her forehead. “You’re so brave, Maddie. I’m proud of you.”
Her eyes flicker up to you again, and this time, there’s a faint smile. It’s small, but it’s there. “I’m not scared if you’re with me.”
That’s the moment you realise: she’s not just trusting you to keep her safe. She’s trusting you to give her back a sense of control over her own life, something she hasn’t had since the night her family was taken from her. And you can’t let her down. Not now, not ever.
“I’ll be with you,” you repeat. “Every step of the way.”
And as you watch her settle back into the covers, her bunny tucked tightly under her arm, you make a silent vow to yourself that no matter what happens tomorrow, no matter what you have to do, you will keep that promise.
Because no one else is going to.
Not like you will.
—
The air inside the old house is heavy with tension, each creak of the floorboards under the team’s feet amplified in the stillness.
The plan is simple. Madelyn is placed in the house, under the guise of a minimal police presence, to lure the unsub into taking the bait.
Everything has been carefully orchestrated, right down to the smallest detail. Outside, the team is positioned in hidden locations, all eyes on the house. They’re watching for any signs that the unsub is approaching, but you know they’re all thinking the same thing—you hope this works.
You’ve spent the entire day getting Maddie ready, talking her through the steps again, reassuring her that this is the right thing to do, that she’ll be okay. And, despite your own misgivings, you’re trying to convince yourself of the same thing.
You’ve promised her that you would stay by her side, and you have to see that promise through.
The door to the house is left slightly ajar, a weak police presence positioned just inside. You take your position on the floor below Maddie’s bedroom, staying close, but not so close as to be obvious. Your heartbeat is a loud thrum in your ears as the time ticks by, every minute stretching into what feels like an eternity. The silence inside the house feels like a storm waiting to break.
Then, it happens.
The motion sensor outside the house triggers, and you hear it—the unmistakable sound of someone breaching the perimeter. Your stomach lurches. The unsub is here.
It’s go-time.
The team moves in quickly, and in that same instant, you spring into action, your focus singular. Your only thought is Maddie. The unsub can be handled by the others. They’ve got it covered. But you can’t take your eyes off the one person you promised to protect. You know exactly where she is, and you don’t even hesitate to run toward her.
—
You burst into her room, your heart pounding. The light is dim, casting long shadows across the space. Maddie is standing by the window, looking outside with wide, fearful eyes. The moment she hears the door open, she turns to you, her face a mixture of confusion and terror.
She doesn’t say anything, but you can see the fear etched into her small features, the tremor in her hands as she holds the bunny close.
Without thinking, you move towards her in two quick steps. You scoop her up in your arms, holding her tight to your chest, pressing her small form into you as though you can shield her from all the horrors in the world. The weight of her trust feels heavier than ever.
“Shh,” you whisper, your voice as steady as you can make it, though it cracks just a little. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. I’m right here. See? I told you you’d be okay.”
She clings to you, her fingers curling into your shirt. She’s trembling, but she doesn’t pull away. In this moment, she’s not just the scared little girl caught in a nightmare. She’s the child who trusted you with her safety—and that trust is all that matters.
You stroke her hair gently, trying to soothe her with the rhythm of your hand.
Your heart is racing, but you can’t afford to let that show. She’s looking up at you now, her wide eyes full of questions, full of fear that you can’t quite banish. But she trusts you. That’s enough.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” you say again, even though you can’t promise it. You hold her tighter, wanting to shield her from everything outside this room, from the danger lurking just beyond the walls. You’re not thinking of the unsub anymore—only of Maddie. She’s the only thing that matters.
For a moment, everything else fades away. The outside world is a blur of movement and sound, but you are anchored in this small, dimly lit room with this little girl in your arms.
You don’t hear the team’s voices anymore, don’t hear the chase or the shouting, don’t hear anything except Maddie’s breathing against your chest. She’s calm now, her body still trembling but no longer with fear—more from the shock, the exhaustion of the night.
It’s a strange thing, the weight of her small body in your arms. There’s something deeply instinctive about it, something that stirs in you like an echo from a past you thought you’d finally buried alongside your Professor.
In this moment, holding her like this, you can’t help but think of what might have been. If you’d had that child, if you’d stayed.
What would it have been like? To raise a child of your own? To care for someone who needed you as much as she does?
The thought catches you off guard. It’s a brief moment of reflection, one that passes as quickly as it comes, but the weight of it lingers, like the fading scent of something once held close. It’s not the first time you’ve thought about it, but it’s the first time it’s felt so… real.
You quickly push the thought aside, focusing again on Maddie’s presence. Not now.
This isn’t about you. It’s about her. Always her.
“Hey,” you murmur, pulling her back slightly to look into her eyes. “You did great. You were so brave. You’re okay. It’s over now.”
Her eyes are wide, still searching your face for reassurance, but she doesn’t speak. She doesn’t need to. You know that she’s still processing everything, still trying to make sense of the danger, of the chaos, of everything she’s been through in the past few days. But she’s safe now. She’s in your arms, and you’ll keep her safe for as long as it takes.
“Do you trust me?” you ask softly, even though you already know the answer.
Maddie nods, her small hand clutching tighter onto her bunny.
“Good,” you say, giving her a small but sincere smile. “Then we’ll get through this together.”
—
The storm has passed. The danger is over. Madelyn is safe. The unsub is in custody, and the team is in the clear. You’ve done your job. You’ve kept her safe, just as you promised.
But now comes the hardest part.
Her grandparents are here, having arrived just after the house was secured, the paperwork signed, and the chaos of the operation settled.
They’re older, frail but warm, and there’s a visible relief on their faces when they see their granddaughter—safe, unharmed, and sound, despite everything she’s been through.
They approach her cautiously, with a tenderness that is obvious in their every move, but it’s clear that Madelyn isn’t ready to leave yet.
She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to you, staring down at her hands, her bunny still clutched tightly in her grip. Her eyes flicker toward the door every now and then, but she doesn’t look up.
She can hear the voices outside—her grandparents—her family—but she’s frozen. The transition from being with you, the one person she’s come to rely on, to a completely new environment is more than she’s ready for.
You move closer, kneeling beside her. Her head doesn’t turn, but you can tell she knows you’re there. The silence between you is comfortable, not awkward, but weighted with the realisation that this is the end of the road for you both. This is where you have to let her go.
“Maddie,” you say softly, your voice a little hoarse from the long hours. “Your grandparents are here. They’re going to take you home. You’ll be safe with them.”
She doesn’t say anything, but you can see her shoulders tense, just a little. Her fingers flex against her bunny’s fur, as if trying to hold onto some sense of control, some last shred of the familiar. She’s scared. You understand that, even though she’s made it through the worst of it, she’s still just a little girl. And little girls need security. They need the things they’ve trusted, and right now, that’s you.
“I know it’s hard,” you continue, gently brushing her hair back. “But you’re going to be okay now. You’re going to be with your family. You’re not alone anymore.”
Madelyn stays quiet, but this time, she finally turns her head to look at you. Her eyes are wide and vulnerable, and it’s all you can do to hold back the swell of emotion threatening to break free. She’s asking with just a look—Can I stay? Can you keep me safe?
But you can’t. You’ve done what you promised. You can’t be her protector forever, and you both know it. She needs her family now, the people who can be there for her in ways you can’t.
“I’ll always be here if you need me,” you say, your voice steady, though your heart is anything but. “But you’ve got your grandparents now. They love you, and they’re going to take care of you. You’ll be safe with them, just like I promised you.”
Maddie looks down at her bunny again, as if deciding whether to give it up. For a long moment, she just holds it, her fingers tracing the worn fabric. You don’t push her. She needs to come to this decision herself, in her own time. But eventually, she looks up at you, and her face is as serious as it’s ever been.
“I want you to have him,” she says quietly. “He keeps me safe. Maybe he can keep you safe too.”
Your throat tightens at the simple, honest offer. The bunny—her constant companion, the thing that has been with her through every terrifying moment, every flash of panic—is now being entrusted to you. You can feel the weight of it, of the trust in her small hands as she holds it out to you.
For a brief moment, you hesitate. You weren’t expecting this. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to accept anything from her, to make it feel like a goodbye, like this was the end. But the way she’s looking at you—her eyes filled with the kind of vulnerability that only a child could show—it’s a gift. A gesture of complete trust.
You reach out, slowly, your fingers brushing against hers as she places the stuffed animal into your hands. You don’t say anything at first. You don’t need to. The weight of the moment says it all.
“I’ll look after him,” you say finally, your voice soft. “I promise,”
Maddie gives a small nod, her lip trembling slightly, but she doesn’t cry. She doesn’t need to. She knows she’s safe now. She knows that the danger is over, even though it’s going to take a long time for her to truly feel like it. But she trusts you. That’s what matters most.
Her grandparents step forward now, gentle and patient. Her grandmother reaches out, her hand trembling slightly, but Madelyn doesn’t move. She looks up at you one last time, and it’s like she’s asking you for permission. You nod, brushing a hand over her hair one last time, offering her the comfort and security she’s going to need in the days to come.
“You’re going to be okay, Maddie,” you repeat, knowing it’s true. You’ve done everything you could for her, and now it’s time to let go.
Madelyn doesn’t look back as her grandparents gently lead her out of the room. She doesn’t cry, though you’re sure the tears will come later. For now, she’s holding herself together, with the knowledge that she’s safe, and that she’s going to be okay.
—
The hum of the office is soothing in its familiar monotony. You step inside, the heavy weight of the case finally lifting from your shoulders. It’s strange—part of you feels relief, the other part feels like an echo of something left behind. Something you didn’t quite expect to feel, but there it is, nestled in your chest, quietly tugging at you.
You take a deep breath and walk to your desk, setting down your bag and the files you’ve been carrying all day. Then, without really thinking about it, you place the stuffed animal on the corner of your desk, the soft bunny now a permanent fixture in the workspace that’s been both home and battlefield for so long.
It’s a small thing, but it’s a thing that means something. And as soon as you set it down, you feel a soft exhale escape your lips. A sense of finality, of closure, as if everything has settled into place.
The case is over. Madelyn is safe. But something about this—about the stuffed animal—feels like a piece of you that will always remain in that small room with her, in the moment when you promised to keep her safe.
You don’t realise Spencer is watching you until you hear his soft voice.
“She gave it to you,” he says, a quiet smile tugging at his lips.
You glance over at him, momentarily surprised. His gaze is soft, understanding, and there’s a certain warmth in his eyes that you’re not sure you’re ready for.
You glance back at the bunny and then back at Spencer. It’s an odd feeling—the way he’s looking at you, almost as if he sees more than just the case, more than just the professional side of you. He sees the part of you that changed over the past 36 hours.
“She did,” you say, your voice low, not quite sure what to say after that. It’s true, but you hadn’t really thought it through. You hadn’t thought about what this moment would mean.
“You didn’t have to take it,” Spencer offers gently, taking a step closer. “But I think it’s... a good thing. That you did.”
You swallow, unsure how to process the mix of emotions stirring in your chest. It’s strange, this feeling. The feeling of having kept a promise, of having kept someone safe. You’ve done this kind of work before, but never like this. Never with this kind of personal connection.
“Yeah,” you say, your voice thick with something you can’t quite put into words.
Spencer steps closer, his posture relaxed, yet there’s an unspoken care in his movements. He looks at you—softly, steadily—and you feel the warmth of his presence settle around you. He reaches a hand out, his fingers brushing over the edge of your waist. It’s a gesture that’s comforting, gentle, not pushing, just there.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he’s afraid of breaking the moment. His touch is subtle, yet you can feel the tenderness in his gesture.
You nod, but the answer feels incomplete. How do you explain that you're fine, but also changed? How do you explain that the girl who clung to you, who trusted you with her safety, left something inside you that you hadn’t expected to find?
“I’m fine,” you say finally, because it’s easier to say than to explain.
Spencer doesn’t press, doesn’t ask for more details. He just gives a soft nod, his fingers still lingering for a moment longer than necessary before he steps back slightly. He doesn’t push. He’s always been good at giving space when needed.
“Want me to take you home?” he asks, his voice gentle. “Or… we could just go somewhere. Get some food. Something to relax.”
The offer is simple, but you can tell that it’s more than that. It’s his way of letting you know he’s there for you, not out of obligation, but because he wants to be. Because he sees you in a way that not many people do.
The soft affection in his voice, the quiet care in his words—it’s enough to make you feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re not as alone as you’ve felt in the past.
You glance at him, a soft smile tugging at the corner of your lips. For a moment, the world outside the office fades, and it’s just the two of you. He’s standing there, so patient, so steady, and the weight of the last 36 hours begins to feel a little less heavy with him around.
“That’s be nice,” you say finally, surprising yourself with the answer. You don’t know why, but you do. You could go home, retreat into the silence of your apartment, but there’s something about the idea of being with him—of having someone there, someone who understands, someone who’s seen the way you’ve changed—that feels better.
Spencer smiles, a quiet relief crossing his face. He steps forward, offering you a hand, and you take it without hesitation. His fingers close around yours, warm and comforting. It’s a simple gesture, but it feels like a promise, like something new is beginning.
“Let’s go then,” he says, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.
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18+ mdni
that reality check hitting after reading smut

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I’m begging for a fic with Declan 🙏 I just finished Rivals and was shocked to see that no one was thirsting after him as much as I was 😭
the lack of chatter online about any aspect of this show is beyond me!!! like hello?? anyways i would love to, leave a few suggestions/details in my inbox sweet thing. xx
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yum



do you believe me now?
in which spencer reid and inexperienced fem!reader navigate all of her firsts
↳ this series is 18+. mdni. please see warnings to each individual part.
♡ part one
♥︎ part two
♡ part three
♥︎ part 3.5 (bonus chapter)
♡ part four
♥︎ part five
♡ part 5.5 (bonus chapter)
♥︎ part six
♡ part seven
♥︎ part eight
♡ part nine
there is no tag list for this series
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'do you think you're superior for not using AI in your work' thank you for asking! yes i do
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one of my deepest darkest secrets is that the taggie x rupert relationship dynamic is literal catnip to me it hits every time. give me rakish older man who's so ruthless he scorches the ground of any place he's ever called home and then goes back to his empty life in his empty house and tries to remember how to be human, put a girl in front of him who's so genuinely good and unsullied and a little vulnerable and so sure he can be better than who he's always been that she almost makes him believe he can do it too and then - and this is crucial - make it so he absolutely cannot touch her no matter what. and then sit back and watch me implode
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