sunnisms

[sunnisms]

@byeolyoo

So listen. Vulnerable Petra is way hotter than Ice Queen Petra.

[sunnisms]

byeolyoo‌:

     “it’s because some of them don’t want to see past that. i do. i might be a hypocrite, though… – i didn’t let you see me at my worst, either. but, i think i am willing to do that, whenever something bad happens to me again, i will make sure to let you know – i trust you, a fucking lot,” this might not have been something sunni wanted to hear at the moment, but byeol felt like it just needed to be said. ever since they both started opening up to each other, she had never let the other woman see her vulnerable side, just some parts of it. it was a weakness, and byeol knew it should have never been considered as such, but with growing up around hardened criminals had taught her to never show anything on the surface, burying it so far down for no one else to see. she was aware that this could have backfired in any time soon, but she never knew any better. “— what i’m saying is that you don’t have to pretend that you’re doing fine when you’re with me, when we both know it’s not the truth – i can’t offer much support, but i will do my best to always be there for you, even if i won’t exactly know how to help. i know it’s hard to deal with things on your own, and i know it’s hard to be so honest about it, as well…” byeol trailed off, letting sunni speak. even if it was still somewhat hard to show it on surface level, she couldn’t help but feel her heart breaking. if she had known how much the other was struggling earlier, she wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to her and be there whenever she needed someone the most. with a one, quick nod of her head, she complied and walked over to the couch, immediately sitting down. her intuition was telling her this was going to be a long night filled with confessions and anything else that came along with it. she didn’t mind. 

     out goes the heartbreak, and in comes the heartache. she could tell how hard was it for sunni to admit something so important, and yet… she still did it. in all honesty, byeol had no idea that it was how going to happen so soon, or at all, even. a part of her felt relieved that she wasn’t the only one that buried their feelings for one another, the other just wanted to run. this is what she was getting for being an emotionally reserved person, for never allowing herself to let anyone in. she doesn’t even know how this woman managed to sneak past the metaphorical walls she had built in order to protect herself from getting hurt again. but she did. she had found herself a place in her heart, and byeol couldn’t be mad at that, even if she tried. she wished she could have said something on the matter, that she feels the same and there was no need to feel terrified, but at this point, she believed that it was better to stay silent and listen. they had time. it could wait. when pj came around, she felt like she had already lost. and in a way, she was right. even if she didn’t act on it, byeol knew that there was no point in trying to achieve something that didn’t seem plausible right from the start, as if he was a sign, telling her that she needed to stop, and move on from something that had no chance of happening in any time soon, or at all. once the mention of harsh words being thrown around was up in the air, she clenched her fists and shook her head ever so fondly – who in their right mind would have the guts to say something so vile to a person that clearly did not deserve it ?? sure, it was mutual. there was no need to push the knife even further, aiming to adding more pain to that, though. pushing past the breaking point should have never been an option for one to consider. maybe if she was sober, she wouldn’t be as silently furious, but she digresses. it’s not something someone should be dealing with alone, no matter the fact that they might think otherwise.

     it took a lot of her might not to reach out and pull sunni into her embrace again. she could tell there still was something she wanted to say, and who she was to stop her from it ?? what if she wouldn’t want to open up afterwards ?? what if she broke down in front of her ?? byeol would blame herself for making her feel that way even more. in a way, she still was a person behind a small part of sunni’s pain, and now that she’s aware of it, she needs to make sure not to hurt her any further. everything she does from now on needed to be looked at from a different perspective, making it byeol’s new priority. it wasn’t going to be easy, but she has to adapt. “everyone deserves to fall in love, even those who think they are not worth someone’s time,” she began, hesitating for a brief moment before looking down at herself as if she wanted to say that she was one of them. “i just want you to know that you’re not the only one who feels this way. whatever you feel for me, i can feel it, too. it’s mutual. i didn’t want to say anything because i wasn’t sure what i wanted – i think this time we’ve spent apart had taught me something.” a pause. byeol took a deep, deep breath and looked away in an attempt to stop her eyes from welling up. god, that was… embarrassing. she almost felt like she was a teenager who was about to confess something to their long time crush. in a way, it was essentially how they both felt, wasn’t it ?? she was just glad they were getting it off their chest now. she was afraid that if she waited any longer, she would only end up losing all her deeply hidden hope for anything to happen. but… was anything even going to happen now ?? only time could tell. “it’s not easy for me to admit that, because i have sworn off anything that had to do with having any feelings for anyone. you just… – you just had to come along and make me feel things, didn’t you ??” a light-hearted joke, this was all she could muster up at the moment. her own words earned a silent laughter. it was a bad attempt to lighten the mood up, even if just a little. “i’m not mad about that, though. everything that involves the both of us, moving forward is not going to be easy, and i am sure you know it. but… i’m all in. whatever it is, i would like to try and make it work.” byeol had tried to make everything sound as open-ended as she could, leaving the room for sunni to have her own take on things, because that’s how it worked, right ?? even if nothing ever comes out of it, she was glad that she doesn’t need to hide anything, anymore. an equally shaky hand reached out to gently caress the other woman’s cheek, brushing away the tears with her thumb, “you’ve already told me a lot, and i know that it was a big deal for you. whenever you’re ready, i will be there, waiting. no rush, no pressure, no… anything. it’s okay. you have no idea how brave you are – opening up to someone takes a lot of strength, it doesn’t come easy, and it’s fine. thank you for having so much trust in me. it means a lot.”

she knew byeol had a point. as much as sunni knew that she should have opened herself up more to the other, a part of her was too afraid to because she never truly saw much emotions from her. well, not enough to give her the confidence to really do something about it. there were always the nights they spent together, tangled up in the sheets as usual, but it was the aftermath that always left sunni thinking what if. she hated that she still placed byeol on that no sleeping over allowed list, because she always wanted to stay the night and wake up in the others arms the next morning. maybe have some breakfast, talk about things, just keep enjoying each other’s company and possibly growing closer. but, she supposes, that’s why she never did. it would only be a matter of time before her emotions became too much, and she could not longer hide behind them through their late night acts. it was all suppose to stay as playful as possible, the two simply enjoying the strong physical connection they had, but sunni wondered if at one point, byeol could feel things changing. it was no longer simply losing their self in the other, but actually taking a moment to appreciate their presence, truly exploring the other and pleasing them on a whole other level. god, sunni wished she wasn’t so afraid of her own emotions and could have just tried to reach out for the other in a healthier way. to actually gain the courage to stay the night, to tell byeol how she felt, to see if there was a way they could work things out. but, everything happens for a reason, she guesses. from what it sounds like, byeol had a few things she needed to work out as well, and who knows how badly things could have turned out for the two had they’d done this sooner than right now. there was only one question she could think of right now that worried her, and that was: could they learn to grow together? could they learn from their mistakes and push past the wall of fear they’ve built up around themselves for the sake of the other? 

sunni liked to think they could. after all, she’s already opened herself up more to byeol that she thought possible. and while she might not have been fully ready, or confident enough at the moment, to truly open byeol up to her past, she wanted the other to know that she will, one day. she wanted byeol to know everything about her, how she was raised, why she’s terrified of certain things, what she wants her future to look like, and how she hopes the other just might be apart of it in some way. to hear the other female say that everyone deserves to fall in love, it was like all the hope came flooding back into her system. when byeol confessed that sunni wasn’t alone in her feelings, her heart began to race with countless ideas and made up thoughts of what the future would be like for the two of them. it was silly, maybe, like a teenager writing their crushes name over and over again in their journal because they were just simply that excited to get to know and grow with the other. she couldn’t even stop the small smile from appearing on her lips as the other kept speaking, her smile shining past all the tears she just spilled out in front of the other. here she was, so open and so raw with her emotions, and it terrified her, but she already felt so comfortable and safe sitting here next to byeol. it was amazing how alike these two really were, both afraid to admit to something because they had sworn off of ever loving someone again. the two had been burned too badly by the past, that it almost seemed impossible for either one of them to learn how to trust someone again. it only made sunni wanna dig deeper into byeol’s life, on the other’s own terms, of course. she prayed that the other will soon open herself up to sunni and let her into the world she so desperately tried to hide from everyone. the other’s comment made a small chuckle leave her lips, before she quickly spoke up, “you’re one to talk. got me over here confused as hell cause i just can’t seem to get enough of you.” and it was true. while her feelings for pj were real, the minute everything turned sour, it was byeol that popped into her mind first and made sunni realize that she had a genuine connection with someone all along, and didn’t need to seek pleasure in someone else who ended up burning her just like all the rest. 

the more byeol spoke, the wider sunni’s smile became. she was saying all the right words at all the right times. she was ready to explore a possible connection between the two and was curious to see how it would grow and shape them. while she was still terrified to think something like this could easily crumble between them, there was still hope that was dwelling deep inside her that told her to give it a chance. to not let the past drag her down and make her  give up on everyone that walks by. she can’t lose byeol the way she lost ophelia, or pj, but something told her she wouldn’t. the other was too understanding, to eager to keep a strong connection between the two, whether it be a friendship or something more. as the other female reached her hand out to cup her cheek, sunni let her head fall into the other’s touch, her eyes closing for a brief moment to simply soak up the touch she’s been missing more than she could ever admit. “god, why are you so perfect,” she giggles softly, her hand coming up to grab the others and pull the back of her hand to sunni’s lips, soon placing a soft kiss before letting it fall to her lap and giving it a small squeeze. “seriously, i...honestly, i thought you were going to completely hate me and tell me off. which probably sounds stupid, cause you just never seemed like that type of person, at least with me? i guess i was just terrified you’d feel like a second choice, which is something i’d never want you to feel. i don’t want you to think that since things didn’t work out for me and pj, i’m running back to you because i know i can. i’m coming back to you because, unfortunately, it took me until just now to realize that it was always you. and even if things don’t work out, or maybe we learn we’re better off friends, as sad as i would be, i’d just be grateful to keep you in my life in any way i could.” another tear managed to slip out as sunni talked, causing her free hand to quickly reach up and wipe it away. “ugh, i’ve been nothing but emotional lately, and it’s the worst,” she chuckles softly before her gaze finds the others again. “i want to explore something with us, but i do want to take it slow. i’m not in the best mind set to be giving my all to just one person right now, which probably sounds like some kind of cop out, but you deserve nothing but the best, byeol. you deserve someone who’s confident in themselves and knows what they want and won’t be afraid to take it. i want to be my absolute best for you, if i ever get the chance to, okay? and i don’t expect you to wait for me, or even exclude yourself to me either. but from now on, no more secrets. whenever you’re ready, i want you to be able to open up to me to, about anything and everything. any time you wanna talk, any time you need me, i’m always here and i’m ready to take this next step so long as you’re ready and comfortable with doing so.” sunni couldn’t stop herself from placing another kiss upon byeol’s hand, before her body soon began to cuddle up against the other, her arms wrapping themselves around the other’s frame as her head rested on the other’s shoulder. “no matter what, you’ll always have me, byeol. always.” 

[sunnisms]

idc-jxeshin‌:

Jaeshin shrugged, trying to play it cool. “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lied through his teeth, giving her a cheeky smile. “I just happened to mention your name and she went running. You seem pretty popular, are you a crowd favourite?” He teased her. At her next statement, however, he wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes. “Always gotta keep them wanting more, you know? If I give away too much, I lose that sexy, mysterious vibe,” he deadpanned. He pursed his lips and tilted his head to the side, watching her with a raised eyebrow as she took a swig of his drink, being quick to lift it back to his lips and take another sip. He almost scoffed at her suggestion - considering their frequent hook ups, he didn’t really think he needed a private room - but he had come with the intention of checking on her since she had dropped off the map… Deciding it was the best way to talk to her without explicitly asking, he let out a slow hum and rested a hand on her hip, slowly sliding it up to her waist and letting his gaze travel up her body to her face. “Oh, sweetheart, you know you’re my favourite flavour,” he smirked, squeezing her waist lightly, leaning his head in his hand on the counter as he stared at her. “I guess I could spare a fifty or two. You better make it worthwhile, though.”

“Obviously,” Sunni answered as she flipped her hair in a dramatic fashion. “Which means if you’re not going to be any fun, I can easily seek some entertainment elsewhere.” She was teasing, of course, as she knew Jaeshin was more than entertaining in his own right, but a little threat never hurt anyone. The boy did have a point though, about having that sexy and mysterious vibe to him. It was something that quickly pulled her in, because she loved solving a good mystery, and loved watching how his eyes told more than his mouth ever could. It was by accident that she even met Chacha, and somehow the little girl stole her heart before either her or Jaeshin could stop it. After that, he was stuck with Sunni coming around every once in awhile, sometimes to just play with Chacha instead of getting anything physical from the other, though she never left unsatisfied most times. Having his head feeling up on her, she couldn’t help but let a victory smile grace her red lips. His comment also made her smile grow from ear to ear, and she hated how easy she fell for any compliments anyone threw her way. After all, it’s why she loved this job so much. “Follow me,” she speaks softly as she leaned forward to whisper in his head. Her hand soon found his and she’s pulling the two through the crowd and toward one of the private rooms. Opening the door for the two, the room showcased the long couch that sat on the other side of the small stage that was placed in the middle. Once the two were alone she nodded for Jaeshin to take a seat as she made her way to the small stage with a curious smile, “So, since we’re alone and no one has to watch your facade drop, is it true you’re here because you were actually, slightly, worried about me?” 

[sunnisms]

                  To be so lonely                                     you told yourself you liked to be this way                                     & almost believed                                                                                                                             it was true.

— Natalie Wee, from “[Suicide Letter In] Parts, 2010,” Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines

[sunnisms]

ofvisaac‌:

ISAAC: i’m always saying stupid shit i’ll admit that ISAAC: but really i take back anything i’ve said ISAAC: honestly i don’t think i actually ‘hated’ you like i don’t really hate people ISAAC: is it too late to extend the offer now ?

SUNNI: and i’m always doing stupid shit  SUNNI: clearly we should be uniting our stupidity instead of fighting against it  SUNNI: yeah, me too. i’m sorry. SUNNI: i tend to judge ppl a bit too quickly at times. hate is a strong word, but i HELLA disliked you lol SUNNI: but you’re okay, i guess  SUNNI: mm, i suppose not. where should i meet you?

[sunnisms]

jaxshq‌:

@sunnisms

the new school year was looming, a dark fog over jax’s thoughts as he struggled to see any clear image. all he could envision among the clouds was his dad’s dark, heavy shadow, reflecting the fear of a tiny child after breaking a vase or staying out past curfew. but this had become so much more; it was an entire life thrown to the waist side, a family-shared dream that was tarnished, and all jax could think about was becoming the new family failure. he was scared. scared to start fresh, scared to move forward, scared to be himself. but throughout his week of panic, he thought of one person: sunni.

there was a soothing aura that surrounded sunni, one that jax had grown to find comfort in. and not just physically, like it was for a while, and like people probably thought. but as a friend, with an honest heart, and genuine advice. the only person he told was his sister; because she was someone who could share his pain and woes. and now, he wanted to get it off his chest, and the last thing he wanted was to place his worries on deaf ears. suddenly, though, sunni was m.i.a. … missing in action. he was worried, but he continued to work hard, spend nights building new pc’s for no reason, working extra hours at work, volunteering to game all night with his friends. distract yourself and you’ll be fine, he told himself. then sunni appeared, and all felt right in the world … except the looming anxiety he had. 

“ so … where did you go exactly ? “ jax began to intrude, scooping the italian ice out of his bowl and into his mouth. strawberry .. anything strawberry flavored, and jax was there, ready to dig in. he made time for her on his lunch break, not because he didn’t have time for her, but because he wanted to see her soon, make sure she felt urgent enough. “ i actually began to worry. like, just didn’t seem like something you would do. but what do i know, i guess ? “ he thought hard for a moment, sitting sideways, one leg on either side of the bench of a picnic table. what would send sunni away so dramatically … it felt strange to see the always happy girl feeling anything negative, but maybe that was just how she always presented herself. 

sunni knew she couldn’t run away forever. as much as she wished she could leave the heartbreak she was still somewhat feeling back on that random beach in south carolina, she knew her friends were going to be curious as to where she went, and why she left without a word. dodging these types of questions and playing the in denial card was a skill she had mastered for years now. she could have simply shrugged and told him it was no big deal, that she just needed to clear her head and all is well now. while she knew jax would know it was a lie, maybe he wouldn’t budge so much if he knew it was a lost cause to try and wiggle the truth from her. however, she did learn something from her time with pj, and that was hiding how she really felt never ended on a positive note. plus, she was exhausted with the front she always put on for everyone around her. yes, she was terrified that no one would like her anymore once they saw just how insecure and broken she truly was, but lying about who she was all the time was getting old, and how could she build a genuine connection with anyone with a mindset like this? 

sunni took a few bites of her own chocolate flavored italian ice, suddenly feeling bad that jax didn’t seem to really know just how horrible she was at confronting her emotions. “this isn’t the first time i’ve disappeared because i just couldn’t handle reality,” she shrugged softly for a moment as her spoon played around with her food for a moment. “the last time i left like this was when i broke up with my ex, ophelia. i’m just not a very coherent person when i’ve been hurt by someone. anyways, i landed in some random beach town in south carolina. i just drove until i ran out of gas, filled up the tank, and then kept driving. traveling is actually one of my favorite things to do, so i think that’s why it’s the first thing i do when i just wanna get away for awhile.” her gaze finally shifted over to the boy, one that held it’s own kind of apologetic glance before she could even speak. “i’m really sorry i didn’t tell you, or anyone for that matter. couldn’t risk destroying my ‘i’ll never love someone’ image, y’know? it could totally ruin me.” she tried to force a teasing smile before taking a few more bites of the italian ice in front of her. “hopefully you don’t hate me too much for it. i’m kind of the worst when it comes to accepting my emotions and actually, like, showing them to other people. it’s just easier to hide it and pretend it’s not there, or at least it was.” 

[sunnisms]

thctsace‌:

          “  i  can’t  argue  with  that  logic,  ”  he  admitted  with  no  reluctance,  although  it  was  easier  said  than  done.  as  much  as  he  would  have  liked  to  help  bring  world  peace  by  making  love,  things  didn’t  work  like  that.  sometimes  a  little  violence  was  the  only  acceptable  payment  of  return  to  something  vile,  which,  in  ace’s  defence,  was  exactly  what  happened  tonight.  “  good  thing  i  have  you,  right?  ”  he  chuckled,  though  this  time,  he  was  unable  to  hold  back  a  sharp  inhale  of  breath,  and  subconsciously  tried  to  turn  his  head  away  a  little.  it  was  certainly  less  painful  in  COMPARISON  to  the  blows  he’d  received,  but  those  kind  of  cuts  would  hit  a  different  spot.  it  wasn’t  this  sort  of  weakness  that  he  was  ashamed  of  exhibiting  —  after  all,  he’d  never  claimed  to  be  a  ‘macho’  man,  who  could  walk  through  a  fire  barefoot  —  but  he  still  wanted  to  proceed  with  different  things  and  leave  his  scars  and  bruises  alone.  he  never  had  them  treated  when  he  was  growing  up;  his  father  would  always  tell  him  to  keep  them  as  a  reminder,  and  maybe  deep  down,  he  still  though  of  it  that  way.  checking  himself  out  in  the  reflection  of  one  of  the  cabinets  after  the  girl  was  done,  ace  brought  up  a  hand  to  gently  touch  certain  spots  of  his  face,  impressed  by  the  clean  work.  “  look  at  you  go.  almost  like  a  real  doctor.  ”  laughing,  he  hopped  off  the  counter  once  he  was  done  admiring  himself  and  opened  the  fridge,  resting  one  arm  above  himself  with  it  braced  against  the  freezer,  and  peered  over  the  door  to  find  sunni.  “  want  anything?  i  can  cook  whatever  you  like.  my  treat  for  cleaning  me  up.  ”

“stop, you’re gonna make me puke with how cheesy you’re  getting,” sunni teased with a small chuckle of her own before a genuine smile began to overtake her features. of  course it quickly dropped as she listened to him inhale such a sharp breath, wondering if it was from the pain he was in, or just from how open his words were. it was nice to see such a softer side of the boy, considering that just moments ago he was showing off the rage that always seemed to be inside him. she couldn’t really get onto him though, as she would have done the same thing had someone she cared about been in some type of danger. still, it made her feel good to know he liked to look out for her so much, the two sharing a sibling type bond that she never would have expected. watching him admire the work she did, sunni couldn’t help but flip her hair in a dramatic fashion, “i know, i’m amazing right? but really you should be thanking my sister, areum. after having her patch me up from all the fights i got into growing up, you kind of learn a thing or two from it.” now it was her turn to lift herself up to sit upon the nearest counter, her legs swinging lightly as she watched him raid the fridge. “mm, breakfast food! you can’t go wrong with breakfast food at this time of night, right?” she beamed like an excited child, always happy to have someone cook for her since she was so god damn awful at doing it herself. “so, other than beating up all the bad guys, what else have you been getting into while i’ve been gone?” a part of sunni wished she wouldn’t have brought of the fact that she was, indeed, gone for a little over a week, leaving without so much as a single word. she was curious if ace even noticed, or maybe she worried him too like she seemed to worry everyone else, which was surprising to her, to say the least.

[sunnisms]

byeolyoo‌:

     maybe she shouldn’t have asked such a hard-hitting question, maybe she shouldn’t have spoken up, at all. wasn’t communication one of the most important parts of one’s so-called friendship ?? or… literally any interpersonal connection, ever ?? curse her confusion, laced with the fake sense of boldness, really. she just wanted to know the reason behind the other’s sudden reappearance in her life. it might have only been just a week, but it surely felt that they haven’t been honest with each other for much, much longer. it seemed as though, it was about time they swore to be upfront and as open as they are both willing to get. again. while this might have been a quite hard concept for byeol to grasp, she thought she was still doing a good job at it; despite sunni now knowing basically everything there was to know about her, she still held hope for the things to get better. after all, not everyone gets to see how big of a mess the mechanic truly was and still doesn’t leave as many did before. how come she still stuck around ?? the world may never know. at this point, she swore she was not going to question it for any longer, but after all that’s been going on, byeol just can’t help but think there’s a much bigger, metaphorical box to open. she would not be surprised if there was something else happening, but… it wasn’t her decision to make. it never will be.

     byeol instinctively leaned into the other’s embrace, but didn’t quite find the strength to return it just yet. it took her a good few seconds to carefully wrap her arms around sunni, making sure her hands did not land on any parts of her exposed back, playing it as safe as it was humanly possible. she didn’t want to give her a bad impression. upon hearing the words that had just left sunni’s lips, she felt her heart sink – like it was a weird pattern, whenever either of them were talking about something important. was she supposed to feel like that ?? a mixture of frustration and fondness clouded up her mind. it was somewhat relieving to know that sunni was just as stubborn as she was, but damn… she had never thought that it would affect her just as much as it does. “i’m sorry,” she murmured, “you didn’t deserve any of that. i just wish i could have been there for you.” admittedly, byeol would not know how to deal with a situation like this, but she was sure she would have found a way to make the other feel better. it wasn’t her fault for going after what her heart told her. it was what people did, and she could not blame them for it. perhaps if byeol wasn’t such a coward, things would have gone differently. “— that… – that makes the two of us. i still think we’re both doing a decent job, working with what we have, and stuff…” she trailed off, letting something that resembled a weak smile appear on her features for a brief second, “complicated, yeah. i guess i know what you mean, but… talk to me. if we want to make this work, i think we should be honest with each other, no ??”

“it’s not your fault that i didn’t let you be there for me,” sunni quickly spoke with a saddened tone. “i mean, people view me as this always upbeat and doesn’t give a fuck about anything kind of person. i’m always having fun, going with the flow, and it’s just this imagine i’ve created that, when something actually happens, and it ruins that image? i’m afraid it’ll ruin how people see me, and maybe they won’t really like me anymore. which is so fucking stupid, and i know that, but it’s all i’ve got.” she quickly realized how much baggage she actually had weighing her down, and byeol barely even scratched the surface of what all that baggage was. how was she supposed to tell her about her mom? her ex? her mistake? her feelings. there was so much to talk about, she had no idea where to even begin. it was hard watching byeol try to force a weak smile upon her lips, and it made sunni realize just how much she missed her genuine and warm smiles that always made her smile too. you never truly know what you have with someone until it’s gone. “yeah, we should be honest,” she agreed with a small nod. “but it’s...a long story, and i don’t really even know where to begin but, if you don’t mind me invading your home for the millionth time and telling you the story of my shitty life, then i’d be happy to let you in, fully.” sunni reached her hand out to grab the others, soon walking the two toward the other’s familiar couch and making themselves comfortable. her heart was racing out of control with how nervous she felt. this was the second time she’d be letting down her walls for someone, and after the recent events of letting someone in, only to watch them leave, it didn’t help the situation at all. yet, there was a strange amount of trust she had in byeol, which is why she seemed more willing to get this over with than anything else. 

her gaze travelled down to her fingers as the fidget in her lap, her bottom lip sinking between her teeth as she wondered where the hell she should even start. “byeol, i...okay, so i like you, like a lot.” her eyes finally lifted to meet the other’s gaze, a small blush now hinting at her cheeks as she just realized to admitting to feelings she thought she’d never tell the other. “i’ve always had this crush on you that i just never acted on cause i was so deep into my ‘fuck feelings’ rampage, and i just honestly thought that you’d never feel the same way anyways, so what was the point, y’know? we had a genuine friendship, and we were both down for getting physical, but it seemed we were both okay with just keeping it there, and i didn’t wanna ruin that between us. i thought that’s just how it was supposed to be between you and i, and that i’d get over these feelings eventually. so when pj came into the picture, and when he started to show his feelings for me, i figured that was my sign to move on to someone else, though honestly that’s a whole other story in itself. the short version is that it didn’t work out. we both wanted different things, some harsh words were thrown around, he left, and i was heartbroken. i was so deep into my own thoughts and feelings that i was too embarrassed to let people see me this way, and that’s why i left for awhile. i just...i was too scared to let everyone see this raw and broken side of me, and i figured i could just fix things on my own and come back and be the same sunni everyone seems to enjoy more than this emotional piece of shit, y’know?” 

she hadn’t even realized the tears that started to sting the corner of her eyes, suddenly feeling very stupid for getting so emotional about the whole thing all over again. her gaze shifts away from byeol for a moment as she tries to dap the corner of her eyes to make them stop. “i just drove until i couldn’t drive anymore. i stopped for gas a few times, and ended up on some beach in south carolina. i felt so stupid, because i should have just told you from the beginning how i felt, because maybe things could have been different, but i always seem to fall for the toxic ones. the ones that make me feel so good at first, and then just rip my heart out like it’s nothing. i just ignore all the good people because a part of me genuinely thinks i don’t deserve to be with someone. like, falling in love, or whatever, it just isn’t meant for everyone, i guess. maybe i’m just a part of the unlucky few who just gets with everyone in town and that’s the only form of love i’m willing to accept. i dunno, i just...i’m lost, in all honesty. i’m tired of pushing people away, but i’m tired of opening up and then shit hits the fan. i don’t know how to cope with my emotions, and i feel like i’m nothing but a burden to everyone and should just go back to my old self cause everything just seemed so much more simpler.” she let out a small chuckle as she felt a few tears stain her cheek, quickly wiping them away and shaking her head. “like i said, it’s complicated. there’s a lot more to my past that explains why i feel the way i do, but i won’t bore you with those details.” her gaze finally lifts back to the female beside her as her shoulders shrug for a brief moment. “just know that i care about you, more than you know. i’m sorry it’s taken me so long to admit it, but you’ve always been special to me, and if you don’t feel the same, then i understand.”  

[sunnisms]

#queens of making an entrance!

[sunnisms]

byeolyoo‌:

     ah, yes. the flowers. it was a nice touch, but it wasn’t the first thing that came to her mind when she was thinking about a gift. for her, sunni’s presence was a gift of its own. she wouldn’t say anything, though. a ( questionably ) friendly gesture to ease byeol’s nerves; it didn’t seem like it was working, but she could appreciate the fact that the other woman went out of her way to even think of getting her something. she could attempt to smile, but it would only fall flat, as always. instead, she just shook her head ever so gently and closed the door once sunni was inside, “i like the flowers. a lot, actually.” a useless piece of information to fill up the room and replace the awkward tension that’s clearly been building up ever since she saw her. if that didn’t work, then well… she would have to try doing something else. “— and, uh… thank you. for the roses,” and for coming back too, but some things were better left unsaid. if she couldn’t tell by her expression already, then there was no use in airing it everything out. the simple shift in byeol’s mood, a sigh of relief once she stepped further back inside her own apartment. this place might have been deemed ‘the chaos den’ a couple of times before, but she would lie if she didn’t admit that it was making her feel safe, at home. 

     “you came here to see me…” byeol began, carefully choosing her words. “why ??” she wondered why, all out of those people, sunni paid her a visit. was she really that important to her ?? or… did she want something ?? no, this didn’t seem like her, at all. perhaps she should wait for an answer before she could come with a conclusion, herself. “i thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore, which is… okay. but, i believe i still deserve some kind of explanation,” a little bit pushy, but that was most likely her drunken confidence taking over the rational side of hers. her bottom lip caught between her lips as she further listened to what sunni wanted to say. cutting something up with the scissors ?? the flowers ?? god, that was ridiculous. she remained silent, having only focused on the woman before her. “look, i am not mad. i get it. i really do,” she chimed in, silently. “i just… – i was so worried about you. i thought the worst had just happened, and when you didn’t respond to my texts or calls, i kind of… gave up. i didn’t want to intrude, because i am no one that important,” byeol explained her side of things. sure, she still had to go on with her life as if nothing ever happened, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the woman off her mind. “something went down, you left, and now you’re back. i just don’t know what to think, you know ??” byeol was someone who didn’t always form that strong of a bond with anyone in fear of them leaving. she had already broken the rule she set for herself twice, and didn’t want to feel like she was being used as a temporary fix anymore. no hard feelings, no nothing. “i’m just glad to see you. that’s it.”

sunni felt a little relief that the other seemed to like the flowers, at least a little bit. it was clear, though, that the gift just wasn’t as important to byeol as something else, and that’s what confused sunni more than anything. “of course,” she smiled softly, her eyes glancing at the bouquet before settling back on the other female and following her further into the apartment. it was the other’s next question that through sunni for a loop. why? it was almost like the word itself echoed so loudly around them that the whole apartment was going to collapse with ease. it left her speechless for a moment as she eyed the other, almost annoyed that she would even ask such a question. the more byeol explained herself, the more worried sunni became. where was she getting these ideas from, exactly? sure, she had distanced their physical relationship due to someone else, but she thought their friendship was getting better...wasn’t it? or was sunni just making everything more complicated? jesus, even thinking about all of this was making her own head grow fuzzy with why exactly she was here. was her outfit giving off the wrong impression? yes, any time she came to visit byeol, she always dressed up for the other in the finest outfits, because she loved showing byeol the very best sides of herself. sure, she always came over with one goal in mind, but things were quickly changing. while it was a nice bonus to land in the others bed, it was slowly becoming something she didn’t have to have each time she paid the other female a visit. but it seems sunni wasn’t really doing a good job at showing that, was she?

the longer byeol spoke, the more sunni wanted to stop her. she began to shake her head, almost as if that action would speak louder than any words that slipped past her lips. when the other seemed like she was done speaking, sunni quickly walked over to her and pulled byeol into a hug, one that was strong and needing, hoping that maybe the other would simply let her have this moment to have both their minds relax for a moment. “byeol, i will never leave you,” sunni began with a small whisper before pulling herself back just a little, yet remaining as close as byeol would let her be. “i didn’t mean to worry you so much, honestly. i know it was stupid of me to just up and leave without telling everyone, but i’m not really the smartest person, like, ever when it comes to my emotions. i just...i got burned really badly by someone, and my first thought was to just leave for awhile. but i was gonna come back,” she pushed this sentence a bit harder than the rest, hoping byeol would believe her and trust her that she would never just permanently leave everyone like that. “you’re incredibly important to me, byeol. more than i probably let you know, and i’m sorry for that. again, i’m literally the worst when it comes to opening up about my emotions,” she chuckles again while pushing some of her hair back behind one ear. her brown hues soak up the other females features for a moment, her hand almost wanting to reach out and just hold her, whether it was just her cheek or her whole body, she just wanted to hold onto byeol for a little bit longer. “to answer your earlier question, i came here to see you because i miss you, a lot, but...i almost feel like i don’t have a right to miss you as much as i do. it’s...complicated, to say the least.” 

[sunnisms]

Little (2019)

[sunnisms]

sabrebae‌:

sunni. 

“Walking on air always looks great on a pole, you should try some of that,” Sabre suggested from his spot on the floor, munching away on spicy chips and watching Sunni work. They usually met up at some point during the week to work on routines, but he’d also taken to escorting the woman home after work. Their shift patterns aligned, much of the time. Over the years, she became the sister Sabre never had, and more often than not, he found himself seeking her out. They shared more than just a profession in common—their senses of humour were pretty similar as well. “If you fall, though, I won’t be able to catch you. I’m dealing with important shit here,” he supplied, a smirk pulling at his lips while he wriggled a chip held in hand. He probably should be spotting Sunni, just in case she slipped and missed the pole, but he trusted her footing. She was a professional, and this wasn’t her first rodeo. “But when you’re done, I’ve got a special treat for you. It’s green and alcoholic, and we’re gonna get so wasted.”

“Are you trying to kill me?” She teases the other with a quick laugh and a shake of her head. “That takes so much upper body strength, and it’s totally gonna wear me out before I can even get fully into my routine. I’d have to put some kind of big floor work dance break in the middle or something...” Sunni looked back at the pole before letting out a small sigh. For some reason, she was having a much harder time coming up with a new dance routine for her upcoming performance. Most of the time she simply danced around and jumbled up some things here and there, and it always worked. For some reason, her heart just wasn’t in it right now. Maybe it was because she was starting to become serious about finding a proper job as a photographer and had way too many other ideas floating around her mind. His next comment made her laugh though before letting out a little gasp like she was truly offended that he wouldn’t try to catch her. “Oh babe, you know there’s nothing more important than me. Don’t be silly.” Grabbing onto the pole, Sunni began to lightly swing herself around, almost hoisting herself up before letting out a small sigh and giving up. “I’m not feeling it, tonight,” she admits with a small shrug before she heads over to plop down next to the other and holds out her hands for the special treat he’s got in store for her. “Getting wasted lowkey sounds like a fun plan to me. I’m way too into my own thoughts that it’s making me sick.” 

[sunnisms]

idc-jxeshin‌:

The girl had left him alone with a knowing chuckle, promising to get his friend for him, leaving him to awkwardly twiddle his thumbs alone at the bar. The bartender attempted to make conversation with him, but since he wasn’t particularly friendly, he just grunted noncommittally and ordered a Canadian Club. While he was fiddling with the label, waiting for Sunni to appear, he was approached by two more dancers, both of whom left with a tight-lipped smile when he politely turned them down, and when he felt a third person approach, leaning against the bar, he almost opened his mouth to turn them down again before he recognised those curves. His eyes travelled up past her outfit to her face, and he broke into a small smile, a rarity that Sunni often only saw late at night or when they were with his daughter. “Hey,” he said softly, turning away from the bar to properly look at her, one hand holding the neck of his bottle against his hip and resting his face in the other. He rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “I don’t know what you mean. I just happen to be in the strip club you work in,” he played innocently. “It’s - it’s not like I wanted to check on you or anything,” he added quickly with a scoff, worried Sunni might see through his facade, “I just - enjoy - uh - scantily clad men and women. Duh.” He rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet, waving it in front of her face. “I know the protocol. Can I get away with 20s or are you strictly a 50-100 dollar bill kinda girl?”

It was cute watching Jaeshin try to play it cool. After all, they only showed softer sides of themselves whenever Chacha was around. The little girl always pulled out such big, warm smiles and soft fits of laughter from the two, and it was moments that she knew they would both take to their grave and never fully admit to it happening. She can still remember the first time she spent the night with Jaeshin, breaking her number one rule simply because he would make her breakfast in the morning and she’d get to spend a little more time with the little one before she would sneak away as usual. “Oh is that so? It didn’t stop you from sending someone to fetch me for you, now did it?” She teased with a quick wink before her own eyes rolled at his next comment. “I love it when you try to avoid your true feelings, handsome. Makes you even more irresistible.” She reached over to take hold of his drink before stealing a few sips and placing it back in front of him. Watching him wave his wallet in front of her, she smiled mischievously at it before letting her gaze meet his once more. “I’m always down for a few twenties, however, if you throw a fifty my way, we can take this conversation somewhere more private? Give you a little one on one taste, if you’d like?” She nodded her head to one of the private rooms that the club held, the room containing a small stage and a beautiful large couch for customers to watch with awe. “What do you say, hm?” 

[sunnisms]

byeolyoo‌:

     drinking alone was never a good thing – hangovers were terrible, but that wasn’t even the worst part of it all. it was the guilt byeol felt the morning after, the fact that she had promised angela to not indulge this much, and keep herself clean. was this considered a betrayal ?? a broken promise ?? it’s not that she had any other choice; it was a slow day, and the events of the entire month have been this exhausting weight on her shoulders. she had to do something to relieve the pain, as selfish it sounded. perhaps she should have stopped at one, or two drinks, but… that clearly did not happen. she could only thank anyone who was up there for making her run out of the alcoholic beverage of the night. adding to the fact that she was not only under the influence, byeol was also lazy, which… was not the best combination. it had always made her grumpy, and even more unresponsive to any outside forces. watching yet another serial killer documentary, and focusing to the best of her ability wasn’t something she wanted to spend all her free time doing, and yet… here she was, with her back resting comfortably on the pillows of her couch. to be completely honest, it was just a background noise, something to drown out her never-ending worries and any feelings, ever. was it working ?? she couldn’t tell… maybe it was a good thing, after all. 

     just when byeol was about to doze off, the sound of knocking shot through the apartment, making her jump in her seat. jesus christ. she had to get up and open the door, didn’t she ?? an exasperated sigh left her lips as soon as both of her hands attempted to lift her entire body off the couch to no avail – whoever it was, they could wait a couple more seconds. byeol did not expect any visitors, though. so it was a little bit strange to have someone at her doorstep at this hour. usually, she would have gotten a text message beforehand, letting her know they’re on their way, and that she should be ready for whatever was about to go down. that didn’t happen this time. once she was finally up, the mechanic stumbled over the leg of the oh-so-inconveniently placed coffee table – who the fuck puts a coffee table in her way ?? making her way out to the door while tipsy ( or a little bit more than just tipsy ) was always a journey, especially after a long, hard day of putting up with customers who didn’t know most basic things about car parts, or cars in general. she didn’t know what or who to expect when she opened the door. “— whatever you’re selling, i am not in–…” she grumbled out before even looking up, only to stop mid-sentence. well, fuck. sunni. this was definitely not something byeol could have ever expected. just when she thought the other woman had left her and everything else behind, she was back ?? her words were met with a complete silence from byeol’s end; she could only manage to do so much as stare in disbelief. call her an idiot for missing someone after a week of no contact, but apparently… this was her life now. “i… – what… – when ??” yeah, this wasn’t going well. “i did, but… what the fuck ?!” now, she knew that she wasn’t the most eloquent person out there, but this was probably the worst way to greet someone, ever. lifting her hand up to gently rub her eyes in order to check if she was actually dreaming, byeol stepped back. “are you sure that you, like… didn’t get the address wrong, or somethin’ ??”

creating imaginary scenarios in ones head was never a good idea. for one, she imagined that byeol would open the door and of course be surprised by the bundle of flowers sunni had gotten for her. she would smile and maybe stutter a quick thank you and ushering sunni inside. they’d hug, she’d apologize, and their night would play out in a way she only hoped would bring them closer together. that’s how it was supposed to go, right? that’s what sunni was hoping for, at least. so when byeol opened the door and looked extremely confused, it only caused sunni to mimic the same reaction. worry began to settle deeply upon her features, wondering if maybe she had gone a little too overboard with the flowers. after all, she did up and leave palm beach without a word and only told her sisters that she was even leaving in the first place. it was understandable that not all her friends were simply going to forgive her for such a thing, only she had been super lucky in most of them understanding so far. maybe this just proved how much byeol cared about the other, right? if she was so confused and so upset to see the other standing in front of her like nothing happened, maybe it was because she couldn’t help but be worried sick about the girl. at least, that’s the logic sunni wanted to believe in. sunni shifted her body to stand more sideways to the front door, just so she wouldn’t have to keep looking over the flowers to talk to the other. “n-no, of course i didn’t get the wrong address, byeol,” she spoke with a small chuckle. “i came to see you and, just, um...i stopped by and got you some flowers cause i hoped, maybe you’d like them and...i’m sorry.” 

sunni wasn’t sure if she should even try to step into the other’s place, but she figured since byeol took a step back, it was now or never, and these flowers were getting heavy at this point. she took a few steps instead and quickly sat the vase of flowers down on a nearby table, her heart now racing uncontrollably as she was more nervous that byeol was gonna start yelling at her or telling her to get out. “the flowers are a bit much, aren’t they? i just, uh, kind of wanted to go out all for you. if you hate them, or don’t want them, you can just...throw them away? or take some scissors and cut them up in a fight of rage? cause lowkey, i’ve done that before, really helps that that aggression out.” she tired to give a small chuckle in hopes to lighten the atmopshere a bit, worried that maybe she was reading this situation all wrong and now she couldn’t even stop talking and making herself look more stupid than she probably already did. “i should have called first, or something, before just coming on over. i mean, at least after just...ditching and ignoring everyone. i didn’t mean to push everyone out, but i, um, was just really in my head and had to get away. but i wanna make it up to you, if you’ll let me? i’ll even tell you everything, cause you’ve always been someone i know i can open up to if need be but...” sunni shook her head and let out another nervous chuckle. “i’m just gonna shut up and stop talking now, so...yeah, just, i’m sorry.” 

[sunnisms]

vinnyhq‌: 

the radio show had taken a lot out of him, given that the guest he had all planned and advertised for didn’t end up showing. finding last-minute replacements was not something he grew to be fond of, and it was perhaps the biggest con of the job  ━  that and having to think on his feet whenever he couldn’t find a said replacement for the person who bailed. once he was home, the brunette headed straight for the fridge and opened up a cold one, steering his direction towards the couch; a couch that was currently being used as dejia and kylo’s chasing grounds. he figured a nice game of red dead redemption would help lower his anger rates, but about ten minutes into it his phone started dinging. he thought about ignoring it but ultimately decided to multitask, lifting the phone up to his ear and placing it snugly between his elbow and his ear  ━  eyes still focused on the game in front of him.  ❝  whoa, look who it is.  ❞  the male grinned.  ❝  wasn’t expecting to hear from you, but I can’t say i’m disappointed. to what do I owe this honor ?  ❞  

her smiles grows at his words, her fingers toying with one of the many short black dresses she has before pulling the hanger off the rack and holding it in front of her, wondering if this outfit would do or if she should settle on something else. “well, it has been a long while since i last graced you with my presence,” she speaks cooly before putting the dress back up and continuing to scan her closet. “i was hoping maybe you’d clear up your busy schedule and invite me over. maybe order a pizza and share a few drinks?” sunni’s eyes landed on a pretty little red and black, shimmer dress. it had a beautiful opening in the back and showed off every inch of skin that it could before it came a little too pg-13. she smiled warmly at this one and placed the dress upon her bed before figuring out which shoes she should wear with it. “plus it’ll give me an excuse to wear this cute new dress i bought the other day,” she spoke a small white lie, but loved teasing others with the idea that she wanted to wear something new just for their eyes only. “so what do you say, handsome? think you can spare a night for little ol’ me? i promise i’ll make it worth your time.” 

[sunnisms]

breehqs‌:

bree: it’s fun bc strangers are scary !!!!! stranger danger bree: everyone is an attention whore, you just own it and are cute doing it bree: speaking of ……. psl time is coming soon ?????? can’t wait bree: i love you bree: and i hate me too 👁👅👁 bree: speed dating. bree: so i can get it over with quickly ? GOOD bree: no one wants to date me i’m miserable let it be fngnfnjgf

sunni: i mean, isn’t every technically a stranger when you first meet them? sunni: like how do you make friends or genuine connections?  sunni: BOOM just blew your mind, i know sunni: gasp, you really mean that?? :’) sunni: ugh, looks like i’m gonna have to instal some self confidence in you too sunni: why are we all a mess, tbh sunni: WAIT NO THAT’S NO THE POINT sunni: pls, there are plenty of ppl who would die to date a weirdo like yourself 

[sunnisms]

jaxshq‌:

jax: bitch …. you think ican write ? direct ? edit ? jax: i’ll keep my idea to myself and then when someone makes it  jax: i can just be like damn …… they stole my idea :/ LSKDJF jax: why’re you sad …… now i’m sad jax: do you need a jax day ???? jax: a jax day can solve even the largest of problems … 9/10 jaxes recommend jax: if i float too high, i’ll just exhale all my air to float back down DUH

sunni: don’t you just get ppl to do that for you? sunni: sue them for plagiarism, good thinking  sunni: lol don’t be sad, i’m over it...ish sunni: gasp, a jax day?? sunni: um HELL YEAH I WANT A JAX DAY sunni: i mean shit, can’t fight those statistics sunni: okay billie eilish, i hear you loud and clear sunni: what do i get to do w/ a jax day ??