sunsetrose20

[sunsetrose20]

I continue to run into people that are confused as to why Americans have screens on our windows and it’s really quite simple.

Bugs

Diseases carried by bugs

Other assorted wildlife such as dogs and teenagers

[sunsetrose20]

"I am thinking about starting my medication again"

You pause. You look up at me, and I see your jaw clenching for a moment. We both know what I am telling you. "It's bad again. The bathroom floor calls to me and I fear I will not be able to resist it on my own. It's bad again, and this is the closest I'll ever get to tell you that I am afraid."

You look at me, and you do not speak for a few moments. I can see it, the question, floating behind warm chocolate brown eyes, I see it in the furrowing of the dark of your eyebrows.

Without me even realizing, I am trying to memorize your face again. Just in case. Just to be safe. You look at me, and I know you want to ask me what you asked me on that chilly October night : "Do you want to die?" But we both know how it ended last time. With me underneath your hands, and our voices a little too soft for a friendship.

You look to the side. You are beautiful. You are encapsulating. I am a moth and you are such a sweet bright thing.

You choose the diplomatic answer, like I knew you would. I try to guess if you know. If you know that I am telling you to brace yourself for the worst. If you know that I am telling you that I might break the promise I made in your bed. If you know that I tried, but I may fail.

You look at me, and you are beautiful, and I am choking up with words too worrying to speak out loud.

I smile, and you smile back, and we continue eating.

You make me laugh, and I have this terrible feeling that there won't be many more times of this. Of me laughing at something you said, but keeping my eyes fixed on your face, on the joy you paint on your features when you get a real giggle out of me.

I keep having visions of the past. The way you told me that you deserve to exist because you made me happy for a moment. The way I told you that, I can't explain how, or why, but I know it to be true, that you deserve to exist just because you do.

A kiss on the cheek.

The brush of a hand.

My fingers tracing your features in the dead of night, mapping your face, the valleys of your dimples.

Your laugh, your voice softening, an "I miss you" text.

I miss you too.

I'll miss you, too.

[sunsetrose20]

[sunsetrose20]

daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

[sunsetrose20]

[sunsetrose20]

[sunsetrose20]

you made me believe the leash i was chained to was the red string of fate.

[sunsetrose20]

im at th parking lot attacking people with chains & scythes & shit

[sunsetrose20]

“Well. I guess that’s it then.”

Maybe it is.

[sunsetrose20]

it’s so stupid how one little message acting like nothing happened can make me come crawling back. i’m nothing but a dog on a leash. forever waiting. forever loving. forever wanting.

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[sunsetrose20]

So beautiful.

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Thank you. I need them 😭

That’s too many posts 💀

[sunsetrose20]

— Greg Santora (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[sunsetrose20]

this loneliness is getting really hard to romanticize

[sunsetrose20]

Reblog this if it’s okay to DM you and shoot the friendship shot.