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sunshobix · 2 years ago

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Elemental (M) Pt. 1

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Genre: Second Chance Romance / Modern Fantasy

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader (she/her)

Synopsis: Fear has never been a foreign concept to you. Your entire life has been shaped by the knowledge that you’re different, and fear of the stigma which might follow discovery. Although fire, earth, air and water Elementals have been public for decades, the fear-mongering around your kind hasn’t changed; something you have intimate knowledge of, having experienced it firsthand. Since then, you’ve done your best to hide your water powers. This is for your own safety, as your mom likes to say.

Safety flies out the window though, when you fall in love. Jeon Jungkook isn’t just any love, either, he’s the love. The person who makes you feel as though your darkest corners deserve to be seen. Unable to control your magic around him, you find yourself faced with a horrible fact: you need to break up.

A plan which proves difficult when Jungkook simply refuses to go. And maybe, just maybe, you find the constraints placed on yourself don’t make sense anymore.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: death of a parent (past), some emotional abuse

NSFW Warnings: oral (woman and man), multiple orgasms (woman), fingering, hand job, face-riding, sex outdoors (in a secluded, private area), very slight ass-play, breast play

Word Count: 17,287 (32,487 total)

Author's Note: Unfortunately, the new Tumblr text editor doesn't allow for more than 1,000 paragraphs per post. Part I is here, and Part II will be uploaded shortly. Please, please, please reblog both if possible! In my experience, engagement tends to be worse when split into two parts. (also, if you haven't already realized based on the premise, Y/N does break up with Jungkook in the first part of this fic lol so, if that's something you don't want to read; fair warning!)

[ Cross-posted to Wattpad here ]

Magic, to you, has never been a boon.

Despite its romanticization in movies and stories, the reality of magic is messy and unpredictable. As dangerous as it can be fickle, your mom likes to say. Usually followed by a glance in your direction, swift enough for you not to notice, although you always do.

Either that, or an unconscious tilt her chin towards the photograph on the mantle. You aren’t sure she even realizes she does it, acting on instinct alone. The photo is of your dad, holding you on his shoulders with an ear-to-ear grin. He was the other Elemental in your family.

Even with only one magical parent, the Elemental gene tends to be passed on to children. Your dad’s magic was water, skilled in manipulating and calling forth the element. He was lauded for it, which was in itself unusual. More often, Elementals are run out of town by other humans. Although time has gone by since societal integration, there are still many who view your kind with suspicion.

You can’t say that you blame them – not really. Because again, the reality of magic is it can be dangerous. Based on experience, bad things tend to happen when you lose control.

Head tilted, you squint through the fog at your boyfriend’s apartment. For centuries, fog has been heralded as an ill omen and maybe there’s some degree of truth to it. Maybe the first speaker lived near a temperamental water Elemental, unable to keep their emotions from manipulating the weather.

Thoughts souring at how close to reality this feels, you shake your head once and some of the fog clears.

A pep talk, you think. That’s what you need to convince yourself to enter. Unseasonably chilly this late in the summer, your fingers curl into the ends of your sweater. Going inside would be preferrable to standing out in the cold, and yet you can’t manage a single step.

Better to stand in the cold than enter and shatter.

Again, you remind yourself you’re doing the right thing and again, this doesn’t help. If anything, it makes you clutch your sweater tighter. For once, you wish doing the right thing meant what’s right for you. Exhaling deeply, your eyes shut as a train passes and shakes the ground.

You began dating Jungkook three months ago and within a week, you knew it was different. You have a tendency to hide pieces of yourself, knowing most people won’t like what they find. Jungkook never allowed that to happen. The first time you ghosted, he showed up at your favorite coffee shop the next morning and asked what had gone wrong. Taken aback, you responded honestly and to your surprise, Jungkook listened.

He stayed. Stayed when others had run, cementing himself on a short list of people you can trust. Three months into dating, things have moved at once fast and slow. Fast because typically, you exit relationships long before feelings like these ones develop. Slow, because you haven’t given Jungkook every part of yourself.

Physical intimacy comes to mind. On several occasions, this has proved… difficult.

Eyes opening, you stare at the door. Memories of last night rise to the surface. For a long time, you’ve known this relationship has an end date. Knowing this doesn’t prepare you for the difficult conversation ahead.

The last time you saw Jungkook was after midnight. Fat raindrops chased your footsteps while you ran from his place, descending the subway at a record pace. The look on his face remains stuck in your mind and even now, you find the thought hard to revisit.

Imagining hurting Jungkook again is unfathomable. Stifling a gasp, you spin on your heel and march away. Halfway to the gate, you get a grip on yourself. Coming to a stop, you remind yourself this isn’t about you. Jungkook will hate you – there’s nothing to do about that now. Now, this is about Jungkook and ensuring he’s safe.

Slowly, you turn around and make your way forward. In the name of procrastination, you stop at a trash can to clean out your purse. Old receipts, gum wrappers and a crumpled-up napkin shake into the bin. You pause at the napkin, staring at the embossed name of the restaurant you work at. Or – more accurately – worked at.

Slamming the trash lid, you turn. You began work at Pierre’s Bistro two months ago as a temporary measure. Ideally, you paint but lately, inspiration has run dry. Waiting tables pays the bills, leaving time at the end of the day to stare at a blank canvas.

Pierre’s is an upscale French restaurant a few blocks down with semi-decent food and waiting tables would be fine if the owner – Pierre – weren’t a massive asshole. Now that you don’t work there, you can be honest about that. Pierre was the most sexist, elitist, capitalistic piece of shit you’ve ever had the displeasure of working for. While on his payroll, you tried to make the best of it but now, you have nothing to lose. Pierre was a dick.

A point he proved yet again last night, much to your mortification. You prefer working the lunch shift to dinner, and weekdays to weekends. Saturday nights are worst of all, and last night Pierre didn’t arrive until well after six. You were forced to cover the entire front section, picking up for a co-worker who called in sick.

Rushing from the bar, you nearly crashed into your boss removing his coat. Grabbing you by the elbow, Pierre steadied you, his hand lingering.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” he joked.

You forced a smile. Experience has taught you the best thing to do in those types of situations is to smile and laugh.

“No fire. Lots of customers! Excuse me,” you said and tried to move past.

Pierre didn’t release you. If anything, his grip on you tightened until you turned your head.

“Yes?” you said, impatient.

Pierre didn’t respond, looking you slowly up and down. Eventually, he released you to take a step backwards. “Nothing,” he said carefully. “Be careful out there tonight.”

Trying not to gag on his words, you moved on. Unfortunately, it was hard to escape Pierre’s notice once caught. From that point on, each of your flaws were held under a microscope. First, it was that you didn’t fold the napkins correctly. Next, you took a wandering path from kitchen to table. Each time you entered the dining room, scornful words were covered by simpering smiles.

By the time your shift end approached, you could barely keep going. A large group had entered and, seeing the host occupied, you took it upon yourself to seat them at your last table. Fixing your apron, you hurried through the restaurant and into the kitchen.

Grabbing another table’s dishes, you thanked the cook and pushed open the door. Immediately, arms shoved you back in. Startled, you barely had time to recognize the host, Vanessa, before the doors swung shut.

“Vanessa?” you said, adjusting your grip. “What’s going on?”

Harried, she glanced over one shoulder. “Sorry,” she sighed, curly hair slipping from her messy bun. “I wanted to warn you before you went back out. Pierre is pissed.”

Your stomach sank. “Pissed… at me?”

She nodded, another dark curl escaping. “Something about saving the table up front for his friends? Bullshit, yes,” she said at your expression. “But you know how he is.”

“Yeah, I know,” you muttered. Deciding there was nothing to be done but keep moving, you hefted your plates higher. “Okay, thanks for the warning. I need to get these to table ten.”

“No problem,” she said and stepped out of your way.

You walked inside with slightly less spring in your step. Pierre lounged near the bar, surrounded by a group of people you could only assume to be friends. Although you felt his gaze on your face, you avoided him the best you could while you made your rounds. Taking the long way to the kitchen, you passed in front of the window.

Which was the moment you noticed Jungkook waiting for you on the curb. He stood beneath a streetlight, light pooling around the ends of his dark hair. When he saw you approach, his face lit up and he smiled.

Cursing beneath your breath, you smiled back. You were supposed to be done a half-hour ago, but there hadn’t been a good time yet to stop. Waving back, you mouthed, just a minute, and frantically pushed through the crowd to the back.

Merely seeing his face lifted a weight from your chest. It was easy to be around Jungkook because he liked every part of you. You never felt the urge to pretend, to curve yourself into something someone else would find pleasurable.

Well, he liked every part except one – and you were working on telling him that.

Hurrying into the staff room, you forgot your plan to avoid Pierre. You nearly jumped a mile when a hand grabbed your elbow, spinning you to face your fuming manager.

Pierre stared down his nose. “Follow me,” he snapped, releasing your arm to spin around.

He passed tables full of patrons, leading you to the bar before turning. “Y/N,” Pierre said, his voice dropping. “Are things okay tonight?”

“Yes,” you responded, deciding one-word answers were safest.

“Then why, exactly, are you fucking this up?”

Your jaw tensed. “I wasn’t aware I was doing so,” you said carefully.

“The napkins?” Pierre made a tsk-ing sound. “How many times should I say that presentation is important? Not to mention your laziness. One of your tables had to flag me down to ask for a refill. And now, you gave away the front table.” His expression darkened. “What makes you think you, a fucking waitress, can step in for a host? You sat someone at the table I personally reserved for my friends!”

You shouldn’t have responded. You should have stayed quiet and yet –

“There was no name in the book,” you muttered.

“What’s that?” Pierre waited and, when you stayed silent, shook his head. “I hadn’t had time to write their name down, but I told Vanessa, who assured me it’d happen. Of course, she wasn’t taking into consideration Y/N, the wonder waitress! Taking everyone’s jobs and making them harder.”

At your sides, your hands balled into fists. It took a greater amount of concentration than normal to keep your emotions from spilling over.

Of course, there were explanations for Pierre’s accusations. The napkins were correct before he jostled the table. You had been circulating your tables and if you were unavailable, it was because of his poor staffing. Oh, and – he didn’t make a reservation for his friends.

Slowly, you exhaled and stuffed down the responses. Deep down, with other emotions and magic. Beyond Pierre, a glass trembled but once you relaxed, the water went still.

“I apologize,” you said, not meeting his gaze. “I’ll do better next time.”

Pierre sniffed. “See that you do,” he said, brushing past. Grabbing a beer from the bar, you heard his friends burst into raucous laughter. Apparently, your humiliation was entertaining.

Heaving a small sigh, you turned – and froze where you stood.

Outside, Jungkook stared into the restaurant with murderous eyes. Too late, you realized Pierre had pulled you in front of the window. Away from anyone dining, but in full view of anyone on the sidewalk. Like your boyfriend, who witnessed the entire spectacle.

For a moment, your emotions overwhelmed, and you felt magic crack the walls you kept hidden. Embarrassment crept past your boundaries. Humiliation. Fury. Stuffing everything back, you quickly turned to rush through the tables.

Jungkook’s gaze snapped towards you, his brow furrowing. Reaching the staff room, you paced up and down. Jungkook saw you. He saw Pierre’s outburst, which meant you’d have to explain. You’d have to explain to Jungkook – the only person whose opinion you cared about – why you allowed other people to walk all over you.

He’d start to ask questions. Questions like, when was the last time you really got mad? You’d have no good response. Not because you don’t get mad, because you do. But because you don’t ever allow yourself to act on the feeling.

Faced with the prospect of brushing him off, you buried your face in both hands. Your usual excuses wore thin in your ears.

Pierre isn’t so bad. It was a one-time thing. You promise you’ll talk to Pierre tomorrow.

None of it would be true, and you didn’t want to lie to Jungkook. People never understood why you wouldn’t stand up for yourself, but the answer was complicated.

Your last date said you lacked emotions, but you don’t think that’s it. Of course, you have feelings, but those feelings are buried beneath so many layers, they can be hard to see. It’s not that you don’t feel, it’s that you cannot.

When you feel, your magic reacts, and people get hurt.

That was the last part of yourself you kept hidden. Jungkook is normal and he doesn’t know you’re an Elemental.

You know that by now, you should have said something. Obviously, but the timing was never right. Twenty-five years old, and you still aren’t sure how to broach the conversation. Few people know what you are, so you haven’t had much experience with the explanation. Your magic isn’t something you use if you can help it.

Yet another lesson you learned from your mom.

Your dad, an Elemental, died when you were five. Before, you lived near the ocean on a flat strip of sand. Your memories from before then are faint, but whenever you try, you can hear his booming laugh. Can feel the salt sting your cheeks, your mom tossing you in the air while you spun around.

Everything afterwards faded. At five years old, a hurricane swept past the barrier islands and that, you remember. You recall your mom at the door, pleading with your dad not to go as he donned his jacket. You remember him holding her hand, kissing the top of your head, and saying he’d return soon. Not many Elementals lived in your area, and even fewer had water magic.

You recall the hours passing, stretching longer and longer until dawn approached. Flashing lights followed, a woman climbing from her car to speak to your mom. You recall the sound of your mom sobbing, the policewoman’s voice floating into the house.

The storm surge was stronger than expected, but your dad managed to divert the worst. He saved the town only to be hit by a bolt of lightning. Instant death, the policewoman said, her tone implying this might be a comfort. Chest tight, your fingertips dug into the railing. Comfort meant nothing when your dad was gone. The irony struck you even back then – your dad saved others, and no one came to save him.

For weeks following, your mom was a ghost. At first, neighbors stopped by to drop off casseroles and condolences. Soon though, their sympathy stopped, and the whispers began. You were young enough not to notice, too consumed by the enormity of your own loss.

Eventually though, you noticed something was off. Suspicious eyes followed you down the sidewalk. Mothers clutched at their children, hurrying them to the side of an empty street. One day, you traipsed downstairs and overheard your mom on the phone.

She sat at the kitchen table, facing away from the staircase. You paused on the landing, listening to your aunt’s voice blast on speakerphone.

“Nonsense,” she was saying. “Your husband was a hero, and anyone saying otherwise is cracked. He saved your town!”

“I know.” Your mom blew her nose. “But now, people are wondering if he caused the storm. They’re saying maybe he… made the hurricane. It’s this new mayor,” she said, frustrated. “He hates Elementals and keeps insisting our family orchestrated this to collect money. He says –”

“Oh, no.” Your aunt sounded furious. “Don’t you repeat a single word that hateful man says.”

“He has a point, though,” your mom said, her voice low. “Did you hear about Uniontown? A fire Elemental accidentally set their barn on fire. Nearly burned the whole town. Magic is dangerous. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen, and now –”

“When was the last time your husband lost control, though? Are you saying you think he caused a hurricane?”

“God, no!” You watched your mom straighten. “But there are people saying… awful things.”

“Some people aren’t worth listening to.”

“I know.” Wearily, she exhaled. “They’re talking about Y/N, too, though. Apparently, she caused a tidal wave at the pool last weekend.”

Hearing your name said out loud, you shrank back in the shadows. You weren’t aware your mom knew about that, or that she cared. Bobby Clemmons teased Judith Bryce about her hair until finally, you snapped. Bobby was swept to the other end of the pool, much to Judith’s relief. She thanked you repeatedly.

Bobby was fine, except for some water up his nose. From the way he carried on though, you’d have thought he broke his arm.

Your mother lowered her voice, as though magic was something to be mentioned only in whispers. For the first time, a sense of shame crept over you. Your dad had always been open about magic, though stern. Stern in his belief magic should help people, not hurt. Never once did your dad insinuate magic itself was the problem.

Magic is dangerous.

Your mom’s words on the phone sank in as, your head pounding as you turned around to run up the steps. Even at six, you felt panic. If magic was dangerous and you were magical – that meant you were dangerous, too.

Slipping beneath your comforter, you stared at your shaking hands. Rain hit your windows, snowballing your worry to full-on fear. By the time your mom rushed upstairs, you were rocking under the covers as a storm raged.

She helped to calm you down, got your magic under control and a month after, you moved far away from the sea. A version of yourself vanished as you passed the pier. Despite this, you felt instant relief at the thought of control.

You remember your mom smiling when you joined the highway. “This will be good,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “A fresh start, away from it all. You can be whoever you want to be, Y/N.”

Except for the person you actually were.

Her meaning was clear, even if she didn’t say it out loud. At the time, you found the thought soothing. If you didn’t want to use magic, you didn’t have to. You never had to become your dad, who all your friends said had caused the bad storm. Even the news had turned against you.

Earth Elemental suspected behind San Raoul earthquake!

Jailed air Elemental claims innocence against onslaught of tornadoes!

Fire Elementals flee after string of arson!

Always the exclamation point. Always the lurid fascination that blame could be pinned on a single person. New rules were implemented in the house. No magic, except in your mom’s presence. This soon became no magic at all, but you didn’t mind. Whenever you did use magic, it felt wild, chaotic – the opposite of how you wanted to feel.

Your early years were marked by the struggle to conceal your powers. Years passed without incident and then, something would happen, and you’d have to move. Your mom never begrudged you, simply packed the house to travel to the next city. Each time, you promised you’d do better but by the time you realized school wasn’t for you, you had moved no less than six times.

Art was a risk, though one you found necessary.

Creation meant tapping into emotion, but you found methods of coping. Painting was the only place you loosened the reins on your magic, and so it became an outlet of sorts. A release, preventing your emotions from spilling into unwanted places.

There were other strategies, as well. Deep breathing. Counting backwards from one hundred. Focusing on one point, then on another until the magic calmed in your veins. Until you forgot the dangerous and destructive water around you.

Some people proved more reactionary to you than others. With some people, your magic responded so strongly, you were forced to cut them out completely. The first person this happened with was your best friend, Katrina. You were fourteen when she confided in you her family was fire Elementals. In response, your magic surged.

For a glorious summer, you practiced magic in secret. Each morning, you and Katrina bounded through the woods towards the far creek. You summoned great waves of water for Katrina to singe into mist. Everything was fine until late one evening, your mom caught you. She witnessed the combined magic and lost her temper.

Dragging you from the woods, your mom slammed the front door in Katrina’s face. She sat you down at the kitchen table, delivering a scolding you’ve never forgotten.

Do you know how reckless you were? What if a tree had caught fire? What if you altered the town’s water supply? What if someone saw and the next time a disaster happened, they blamed it on you – or Katrina?

Stricken by these very real possibilities, you promised not to do it again. Although you begged not to move, your mom packed the next day – your fastest exit ever.

The second time you cut someone out was after high school. Elliot was an artist, a quiet guy who dabbled with oils. He saw you painting one day in the park and silently set up his easel beside yours. This happened for weeks until he asked you out. Your ensuing romance was brief and sweet, and your feelings grew within a short period of time.

When Elliot told you he loved you, you dissolved into panic. You could feel how your magic responded, reaching for water that surged through his tiny apartment. Tossing on clothes, you stammered apologies and fled into the night.

For weeks following, it rained. Enough for the reporters to forecast local flooding. The fact terrified you – imagining people trapped on top of cars, small businesses flooded, the Red Cross called in to ferry locals to safety. It took your mom flying out to put you at ease, clearing the skies and regaining control.

Since then, you haven’t let anyone else past your inner walls. Until Jungkook.

Swallowing hard, you stare at his apartment and wonder if you’ll survive. Breaking up with Elliot is one of your worst memories and you only felt a fraction of what you do for Jungkook. Maybe you’ll conjure a hurricane, bringing the events of your life full circle.

Shutting your eyes, you rub at them dully. There’s no point in wondering what-if. You need to end it now, before things get worse. All day, you’ve gone over the facts and arrived at the same conclusion.

As expected, Jungkook was livid about Pierre last night. He wanted to confront your boss himself, although quickly backed off when he realized this was your battle. This though, turned to confusion when you said your intent to do nothing.

Although you tried the usual excuses, none of them stuck. Even if it was just once, Jungkook argued, it shouldn’t go unnoticed. You snapped slightly at this, insisting you’d deal with things in your own time.

Getting angry near Jungkook was peculiar. Suddenly, you became aware of the water around you. Thick, leaden pipes lacing Jungkook’s walls. Moisture that hung in the air, in the clouds – within his very veins. The thought terrified you, wondering what you might do accidentally.

Your panic must have been visible, because Jungkook instantly softened. Crossing the room, he pulled you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into your hair. “It’s just… I hate seeing you hurt. Of course, you know what’s best. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

His grip grounded you, enough that your magic dissipated, and that you realized a truth you’d hidden for some time.

You were in love with Jungkook.

No one in your life had ever been like him. Someone who was always in your corner, who protected you when they could and lifted up parts they couldn’t. Someone who liked everything about you – even the parts you weren’t brave enough to admit.

Studying his face, you tried to ignore the sudden ache in your chest. Even last night, you knew the inevitable. Memorizing his face, you tried hard to hold on. Jungkook’s slightly rounded nose, his full bottom lip accentuated by two piercings. Dark hair fell over his forehead; strong features contrasted by a soft gaze.

Jungkook watched you as well, and you wondered if he felt the same. Wondered why he’d commit you to memory, since you were the lucky one. He was the miracle, and you were biding your time.

Bending, he lightly brushed your mouth against his. Instantly, you melted. It wasn’t your first kiss and prayed it wouldn’t be the last, but something about last night felt different. Walking the two of you backwards, Jungkook pressed you against the wall and kissed you harder. His touch became desperate, one hand sliding beneath the lines of your blouse.

Your breath hitched at the brush of his fingers, delicious and warm against skin. His touch unknotted a hidden, tangled piece of your soul.

Ever since you met Jungkook, you’d held yourself separate. When you asked him to go slow in the beginning, he agreed. Touching was fine. Kissing was fine. Anything more, and you lost control.

About a month into dating, you met Jungkook at a bar and got tipsy. Three drinks in, you were frantically making out in an alley outside. Jungkook panted, “my place?” against your mouth, and you nodded. The journey back to his place was fast and slow, pausing in every dark place to drag his mouth to yours.

The second his door shut, you found yourself stumbling – into his bedroom, his bed, the confines of his heart. Shoes were discarded with every step, and Jungkook couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. You returned his fervor in spades, nipping his lower lip to watch him smile.

When he fell back on the bed, you saw his pulse quicken. Staring up at you, Jungkook watched your clothing disappear with a gaze so dark, it bordered on onyx. Climbing onto him, you resumed kissing with a newfound reverence. Eyes falling shut, you did your best to stay present.

Each brush of his lips was combustive, each touch of his hands filling you with sharp, pulsing light. And then –

The sink and shower in his bathroom burst on.

Startled, you pulled away and realized it had been you. Your magic had caused it, flooding his bathroom with water. Swearing under his breath, Jungkook scrambled out of bed to hastily turn off both faucets.

You sat there on his bed, heart pounding with fear. By the time he returned, you were already dressed and mortified. Jungkook was all apologies, certain he’d moved too fast, but you assured him he hadn’t. Anything that happened, you were an equal participant – too much maybe, although you didn’t say so out loud.

Lying in bed that night, you stared up at your ceiling. For a moment, it felt as though you were six and under the covers at your old house. Magic was dangerous. You would eventually hurt someone. Dread pooled in your stomach, recognizing the truth. If you couldn’t control your magic around Jungkook, you’d have to end things.

Heartache chased the thought, filling you with so much panic, you nearly drowned. Pushing this aside, you simply resolved to do better. To be better and keep both Jungkook and magic. This was simply another challenge; you owned your magic, not the other way around.

Thus, began the two best and worst months of your life. The best, since you’ve been dating Jungkook and the worst, because at every moment, you’re terrified of hurting him. Walking a line as thin as a razor, you’ve fallen in love while trying your best not to feel.

Until last night, you thought you’d been successful. Life was mostly under control, but then the Pierre debacle took place. Then Jungkook kissed you with such intensity, you forgot who you were and why you’d been holding back. Two long months of restraint and suddenly, you came undone at the seams.

Before long, you were again in his bedroom. Jungkook stripped off his clothes, bare skin pressing to yours with a searing intensity. Pulling you over him, a low hiss escaped while he kissed your throat. Even through his boxers, you could feel how hard Jungkook was. How badly he wanted this; a need you returned.

The thought of him inside you made you frantic. Pushing Jungkook onto his back, you straddled his waist and rocked forward.

Jungkook lay underneath you, his hair a dark halo. Suddenly, you could feel water everywhere. Magic, everywhere – it was in you, around you, in Jungkook’s walls and molecules. Everything felt so utterly fragile, and your magic responded.

Ferocious, it strained at your self-crafted bonds. Realizing how precarious your grasp on control was, your emotions slipped into panic.

You had to leave. Now.

Sensing the change in your body, Jungkook paused.

“I – I’m sorry,” you blurted, scrambling off him. Bending for your pants, you pushed one leg through and hastily zipped. “I need to go.”

Jungkook stared, frozen in place. “I…” Shaking his head, he pushed a hand through his hair. “What’s going on? Did I do something wrong?”

Stomach dropping, you roughly shook your head. Part of you ached to correct him but your magic was barely leashed, and you weren’t certain how much longer it’d hold.

Your magic wasn’t something you wanted Jungkook to see.

Frantically throwing on your shirt, you rushed towards his front door. His dog, Bam, whined from the couch and lifted his head as you passed. Yanking open his door, you escaped to the hall and downstairs. You heard Jungkook call after, but he didn’t follow, for which you were grateful.

Remembering his face broke your heart as you entered the subway. You kept your magic at bay until reaching your building, at which point rain swept the city in waves. Soaked through, you got in the elevator and saw Jungkook had texted. Shaking, you responded you’d talk to him tomorrow and turned off your phone.

Rain poured all night and you barely slept. By the time you woke, your mood had gotten worse. Work was torture. Even the lunch shift couldn’t save you, the looming specter of Jungkook impossible to forget. When Pierre showed up around one, you knew you were doomed. His glower could be felt all the way across the restaurant and no matter what you did, you somehow stayed in his way.

With little to no sleep and haunted by last night, the grip on your magic was tentative at best. Your entire shift, it hovered at the edge of your fingers. When Pierre commented you looked tired, the rain outside worsened. When a table of middle-aged men called you ‘girlie,’ their water glasses shook.

It was miraculous nothing happened until the end of your shift. That was the moment Pierre’s friends arrived, seating themselves at the table you gave away last night. One of them laughed as you poured them water, and you managed to push down your snide remark.

Glasses full, you turned around to go and the same one grabbed your waist.

You went still.

For so long, you’ve hidden your magic to protect others. You’ve kept them from hurting and there you were, broken, and no one cared about you. Just like no one cared about your dad, in the end. Teeth gritted, you whirled – and the entire water pitcher dumped itself at him.

At him, not on him.

You didn’t trip. Didn’t throw the water, although either would have been preferrable. Instead, the water leapt from the pitcher to slap the man in the face.

Horrified, you stared as reality sunk in. You had just assaulted a guest – a friend of Pierre’s, at that.

Shocked, the man wiped water down his visage. The entire restaurant fell silent, every eye in the room locked on you. Panic-stricken, you stammered an apology, flung a napkin on the table and fled into the kitchen.

The moment you crashed through the doors, you were hailed a hero. Izumi, your line cook, wistfully recalled the one time she punched a guy who grabbed her ass. Georgina added that once, she spit in the drink of a man who called her a bitch.

Both tactfully avoided the fact that you were an Elemental, which you appreciated. You were starting to feel marginally better – maybe you wouldn’tbe fired, after all – when the door to the kitchen swung open and Pierre stormed through. Seeing his face, your heart sank.

“You!” Spittle flew from his lips as he pointed. “Y/N – pack your things! You’re done here. Fired. You think you can insult my friend, pull some magic bullshit on him, and continue to work here? Fuck that. Get out – now!”

A pin could have been heard in the silence. Coming to your senses, you did exactly as asked and got your things. Pierre hadn’t mentioned pressing charges, and you didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out.

Outside, you stood on the sidewalk and stared at the bus stop. Storm clouds brewed above, a visualization of your inner turmoil. Eventually, you turned and trudged down the subway.

Things had reached a point you couldn’t ignore anymore. You were beyond out of control. Emotions surged and strained against your internal walls, threatening everyone you held dear. The city didn’t deserve to be punished, even if no one within it knew of your sacrifice. Pierre’s friends were awful, but you could’ve just as easily lost your temper with someone you loved.

Someone like Jungkook, whom you couldn’t seem to be around without incident.

That was the reason most people feared Elementals. It was selfish of you to put your desires ahead of another person’s safety. The only way to protect someone you loved was to stay away.

Starting with Jungkook. You just wished he didn’t have to get hurt in order for that to happen.

Standing outside his building, you take a deep breath and press the buzzer. You wait for several long moments, wondering if he’s home and then –

“Hello?” Jungkook’s voice crackles over the speaker.

Leaning in, you press 316. “Hey. It’s me. Y/N.”

A weighted pause, and then –

“Come in.”

The door unlocks, and you push it inside. Climbing the steps to his place, your heart starts to pound. The last time you saw Jungkook, you were running away. The last text he sent was, ‘ok,’ in response to your message. If you were Jungkook, you wouldn’t be thrilled to see you.

Coming to a stop outside 316, you lift your hand and knock. A howl responds, followed by the patter of gigantic dog footsteps. Unable to stop your smile, you shake your head at the chaos.

“It’s just me, Bam!” you say, and he stops.

Bam’s howl is replaced with a whine and the sharp thwack-thwack of his tail on the door.

“Bam, out of the way,” Jungkook calls, his voice coming closer. A few seconds later, the door flies open to reveal your boyfriend.

You only catch a glimpse before Bam barrels out, nearly knocking you over. Legs and tail akimbo, he slobbers all over until you bend to pet him. Once satisfied, Bam turns around and trots back inside.

Silence falls between you, and you look up to see Jungkook. He’s dressed casually, sweatpants and a t-shirt bought at a concert you attended. He hasn’t moved aside, blocking you from entering.

Uncertain, you straighten. “Can I come in?”

Slowly, he nods and moves. You walk past him, trying not to focus on the heat of his shoulder. This might be the last time you see Jungkook, so you try to focus on that. Not the prospect of what you’re about to do.

Hearing the door shut, you take a deep breath and turn to face him. “I can’t stay too long,” you admit, digging your nails into the palms of your hands.

Jungkook regards you warily. His expression makes your chest ache, unused to him with such a stern expression. After last night, you suppose it’s earned. You should probably get used to it.

“Y/N.” His jaw works. “What’s going on?”

Deciding honesty is the best policy – up to a point – you force out your next words. “I think we should break up,” you say in a rush.

With a low whine, Bam slinks in the direction of the bedroom. Jungkook glances at him, distracted, before facing forward.

“What do you mean?” His head tilts. “Like, you want to take a break?”

Steeling yourself, you shake your head. “No. As in, I want to break up. Permanently.”

A train passes by the building, rumbling the floorboards underneath. Most people would avoid living in this building for that reason, but Jungkook was overjoyed by the prospect of discounted rent.

He doesn’t seem overjoyed now, though. Instead, he looks stricken.

“Walk me through this,” Jungkook says, walking closer. The set of his mouth has turned stubborn. “I don’t follow. Why are we breaking up again?”

The knot in your chest tightens. You should have known Jungkook wouldn’t make this easy on you. “We’re not good together,” you say, only to correct yourself. “I mean, I’m not good for you. I’m not in a place where I can be in a relationship.”

He comes to a stop. “I can wait, Y/N. I don’t mind.”

Reaching for you, Jungkook’s brows crease when you take a step backwards. His hand falls between you, and he stares at the empty space. The crack in your heart widens, made worse by his silence.

“I mind, though,” you force yourself to say. “I can’t ask you to wait for me, Jungkook. That’s not fair to either of us. It’s too much pressure.”

The words make your heart splinter, reaching a point you aren’t sure can be reassembled. Maybe the pieces will simply lodge in your muscle, bruising your insides each time you draw breath.

“I won’t pressure you,” Jungkook says, automatic. His frown deepens. “Tell me what this is really about, Y/N. Is this about sex? It’s fine if we don’t have it.” Stepping closer, he takes your hand and you let him. “I just want you to be honest with me.”

Somewhat manic, you shake your head – and then nod.

Sex is a part of the problem, but it’s not the root cause. Sex with Jungkook is unthinkable. You can barely remain in control when you kiss, let alone allow more. With your past partners, this wasn’t an issue, but your past partners weren’t Jungkook.

Never have you met someone able to scramble your thoughts with a kiss. Whose gaze melted inhibitions and tore down every wall. You have little doubt that with Jungkook, you’d lose full control, and the thought is terrifying. Already, your makeshift barriers are weakened.

Rain splatters against the window, and your stomach lurches.

“Seriously, Y/N,” Jungkook says, returning your attention to him. “What’s this about? I can tell something’s on your mind.”

He takes your other hand, and you realize how close he stands. “Is it work?” Jungkook asks, a crease between brows. “Is there… some reason you can’t quit? You can tell me, Y/N.”

An odd zing of disappointment goes through you. For a moment, you thought Jungkook had guessed your secret, and this could all be avoided. If Jungkook knew what you were and that you lied to him – well, he’d end things for you. Hesitant, you consider revealing that truth but can’t seem to form words. It would devastate you, seeing fear replace love in his eyes.

“Work isn’t the problem,” you say at last. “It’s us, Jungkook. Or – it’s me. I don’t want to be together anymore.”

Disbelief flashes across his expression, and you idly wonder what will happen if Jungkook refuses. Even as you think this though, his expression shifts. Jungkook takes a careful step backwards, dropping your hands entirely.

He’s never been good at hiding emotion. Jungkook is your opposite in that way, revealing every shift of thought and desire. You watch confusion become anger, then bitterness a moment before he turns away. The set of his shoulders is still, staring out the window as yet another train passes.

Restless, he turns to drag a hand through his hair. “I don’t believe you,” he declares. “This is so out of nowhere, Y/N. What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’m telling you everything,” you say, panic rising. “And this isn’t out of nowhere! I’ve been telling you for months I need to take things slow and this – well, this is the opposite of slow, Jungkook!”

Jungkook stares back at you, heated. “Yeah, I guess so.”

The two of you stand there for a moment, the tension thick in between you. Eventually, you look away first and pull your bag tighter.

“Right,” you exhale. “Well, I should go –”

Striding forward, Jungkook reaches you to cup your face with both palms. Gently, he lifts your face towards him, and all thoughts cease completely. Gaze searching, his breath fans across your parted lips.

Jungkook’s gaze intensifies. “I don’t believe you,” he murmurs.

Adrenaline zips under your skin, stirring your magic into a deadly storm. Entire body tense, you suppress the urge to fight or flee. So often, you’re the one running but right now, you feel more compelled to fight.

A knife in you twists, knowing you’re a coward. If you were stronger, you could keep Jungkook. No matter how understanding he is, the fact remains that if he stays with you, Jungkook remains in danger. Each passing day only worsens the pain.

His face blurs. With a start of surprise, you realize there are tears on your cheeks. The furrow between Jungkook’s brows deepens, noticing as well.

“You’re not listening,” you blurt. “I can’t see you any longer, Jungkook. It’s in your best interest, I promise – I can’t do this. It’s too much.”

Reaching up, you remove his hands from your face and head for the door.

Jungkook follows close behind. “Which is it, then?” he demands. “You want me to go slowly, or you feel too much?”

Pressure weighs every inch of your skin, demanding you answer. Anything that comes out now will only make things harder. Reaching the door, you feel Jungkook’s hand on your shoulder. Caving, you don’t fight when Jungkook turns you to face him.

He’s too close to you. Too much and too close, his one hand sliding to cup the back of your neck. Slowly, his thumb strokes the elongated line of your throat. You swallow, hard, and his gaze follows the motion.

Jungkook’s gaze flicks to yours. “You keep saying you’re no good for me,” he says, his voice low. “But what if I don’t care? Don’t I get a say in this decision?”

The force of holding in your magic worsens, becoming near impossible. Hastily built walls threaten to collapse, and reality blurs between one moment and the next.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, your hand searching behind you. “I have to go.”

Finding the doorknob, you twist and stumble backwards. Jungkook watches you go, the look on his face physically painful as you turn around. Each second that follows is pure concentration, trying not to break before getting outside.

The ocean is only a few blocks from Jungkook’s apartment.

Reaching the harbor, rain pelts your face in a way that feels punishing. Magic makes your limbs tremble, escaping your body in wisps of fog and rain. The moment you arrive at the harbor, you shatter, collapsing forward to grip your knees with both hands.

Eyes pressed tightly shut, you hear the storm howl. Waves churn the harbor, sloshing over the sidewalk in an attempt to get closer. No tidal waves, you plead in an attempt at reason. No whirlpools, no water spouts.

Your magic listens in this regard, at least. By the time your eyes open, a curtain of rain mingles with tears on your cheeks. Staring out at the ocean, each inch of your body is numb.

Jungkook will never forgive you for this.

The thought banishes all the rest. You can’t say that you blame him. Slowly, you exhale as you lift your gaze. The chasm in your chest widens, becoming something unbreachable. This is all your fault. You wish there was some satisfaction in knowing this, but there isn’t.

Eventually, the rain dulls, and you push yourself upright. Your sneakers squish with every step, the silence all-encompassing as you ride on the subway. Entering the building, you remove your shoes and collapse on your bed, fully clothed. Thankfully, your roommate isn’t home, so you aren’t forced to explain the events of tonight. Seokjin would have wanted to discuss, and you aren’t sure you can without breaking down.

Burrowing your face into the pillows, you manage to cry yourself asleep. Rain doesn’t let up the entire night.

“Tell me again.” Taking a seat at the table, Seokjin spoons yogurt and berries into his mouth. “Why did you have to end things with your boyfriend?”

Cracking open one eye, you glare from where you sit, slumped forward. “You know why, Seokjin,” you grumble. “Not all of us can be air Elementals in perfect control of their magic.”

“You could be, though,” he says, pointing with his spoon. “If you put in like, five seconds of training and embraced your water powers instead of running away whenever things got bad.”

“I am not running.”

“No.” Seokjin lifts a brow. “You’re cowering, which is far less attractive.”

“I’m not cowering, either.” Scowling, you bury your head deeper into your arms. “I’m wallowing. Big difference.”

Scoffing, his spoon scrapes the bottom of the bowl. Pushing his chair back to stand, Seokjin heads for the sink and turns on the tap. The water itches a spot deep in your chest, almost taunting.

“I can’t be too hard on you, though,” Seokjin says as he cleans. “You did get fired and dumped in one day – that’s pretty rough.”

“Does it count as being dumped if I did the dumping?”

“I’ll allow it.” He opens the dishwasher. “But only because really, you didn’t want to break up with Jungkook. You’ve just convinced yourself the world is better off without you – something I highly disagree with, by the way, but can’t fault you for feeling. It’s too sad.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, and close your eyes.

Two days have gone by since your decision to end your relationship with Jungkook. It hasn’t been great, to put things mildly. On Monday, you barely left your room and rain poured from the sky. When you did enter the kitchen, the weather person on Channel 9 predicted local flooding.

Seokjin arrived from his business trip that night, took one look at your face and helped stop the storm. You sagged with relief, falling into a fitful round of sleep that only lasted three hours.

Seokjin is one of the few Elementals you know who embraces their power. Both his parents are air Elementals, and he was raised to take over their magical consulting business. Said business does well, leading Seokjin to own a gorgeous, three-bedroom apartment in the middle of the city. He got bored last winter, decided to post for a roommate and here you are. One of the few people in the city willing to room with an Elemental.

You don’t care what Seokjin does with his magic, although his laissez-faire attitude can occasionally be unnerving. You’ve lived your entire life with the assumption your existence is dangerous. All you need is a quick Google search to reinforce this fact. But then there’s Seokjin, living his life, seemingly none the worse for the wear.

He discovered your powers about a month into rooming together. Coming back from a trip, Seokjin opened the door to stare, slack-jawed, as plates washed themselves in the sink. Glancing up from your book at the table, you immediately sent two dishes crashing onto the floor.

Seokjin stared at this for a moment, then looked up. “You owe me new plates,” he declared and walked into his bedroom. After a moment, he popped his head out. “Hey – you think if we combined my wind and your water, we could create a waterspout but on land?”

“That’s… a tornado, Seokjin.”

“Right.” He slapped the doorframe once and disappeared. “Well, something to think about!”

Months later, Seokjin still doesn’t understand your avoidance of magic, but respects the decision enough to leave it alone. At least, until something like this happens and he’s again at a loss.

“Listen.”

Turning around, he shuts the dishwasher with his hip.

“Oh, no.” You grimace. “What now?”

Seokjin raises both hands. “Nothing, nothing. Far be it from me to comment on your mistakes. I’m sorry – did I say mistakes? I meant, ‘learned life experience.’ Through mistakes.”

“Was there a question in all that?”

“No question.” Loosely, he gestures. “Just wanted to say you can stay here, rent-free, until you figure this out. You know I’m only taking your money because you insist. I don’t need it. This place is already paid for.”

“Only because you frightened the seller so badly, they cut the price in half.”

“Listen.” Seokjin’s smile turns slightly sinister. “If they were willing to let their ingrained fear of Elementals influence their selling point, that’s on them. Not me.”

“Fair enough,” you sigh and sit back. “But seriously – thank you. This will give me some time to come up with a plan.”

Seokjin nods, tracing the rim of his coffee. Absently, he glances down the hall at the empty third bedroom. “You know…”

“No,” you say, automatic.

His right brow lifts. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“You were going to suggest I use this time off to work on my art.”

“Okay.” Seokjin shrugs. “Maybe you did know. But seriously, Y/N – why not?”

Weary, you exhale. “Because every time I try to paint, I get this… block. I can’t explain it. Watercolors used to be the one place I felt comfortable using my magic. Now… I don’t know. I can’t seem to use my magic anywhere. Even my art.”

Seokjin tilts his head, thoughtful. “How long has this been going on?”

“Don’t know – a few months?”

“Not long after you started dating Jungkook.”

Staring at Seokjin, you realize he’s right. That’s exactly around when you began dating Jungkook. The block happened not long after. Thinking about the early days of dating are painful though, and so you choose not to.

“I don’t want to talk about him,” you declare with a shake of your head. “Right now, what I need is a job. And to earn money. Preferably in that order.”

Seokjin’s lips twitch. “Let me know if the order changes. I know a guy.”

Before you can consider his offer too seriously, your phone rings on the table. Glancing down, your heart constricts at your mom’s name. It isn’t that you don’t want to talk. It’s that if you do, Jungkook’s name will come up, and you’ll be forced to explain why you two aren’t together. Right now, you’re managing to cope by avoiding the topic. You aren’t sure what will happen if you’re forced to confront it.

Not to mention the very real possibility your mom will be happy. She liked Jungkook, but she always worries whenever someone new enters your life.

Also glancing at your phone, Seokjin scowls. “Don’t answer it,” he says, walking past. “Whenever you talk to your mom, things get even worse.”

Seokjin’s not wrong. Your mom means well – really, she does – but talking to her tends to leave you exhausted. Still, you know from experience it’s better to answer now.

“I know,” you sigh and stand up. “But if I don’t pick up now, she’ll just keep calling. Hey,” you say, pressing answer. “One second, mom.”

Ignoring Seokjin’s sad shake of his head, you scoop up your coffee and head for your bedroom.

Closing the door to your room, you lean backwards. “Hi, mom,” you say, lifting your phone to your ear. “Sorry about that. I was eating breakfast. How are you?”

“Oh, you know,” your mom says, and you can practically hear her smile. “Same old, same old. The better question is, how are you? I saw on the weather there’s some flooding by you. Hope you’re alright!”

Grimacing, you move the phone to speaker. You should have known your mom would check in. Reading between the lines of her question, you can hear what she’s really asking. Your mom wants to know if you caused the flooding – an answer which is undeniably yes, but she doesn’t have to know that.

Setting down your half-empty mug, you flop face-first on your bed. Less information tends to be more with your mom. You’re debating what to say when she solves the problem for you.

“I know you haven’t had a slip in years,” she continues. “But if there’s another water Elemental in town, you should try to steer clear of them! Being around them could set you off – that’s what happened to Becky’s nephew, she said.”

Fighting an eye roll, you roll on your back. Becky Mayweather is your mom’s best friend in the entire world and one of your least favorite people. She’s the type to bake cookies, offer a shoulder to cry on – and then promptly turn and gossip to the neighbors about it. She fancies herself an Elemental expert because a few of her friends married them. Funnily enough, neither you nor your mom have met these friends in person.

“Oh?” you ask. “I never noticed.”

“It’s true! You know that I worry, Y/N. All alone in the city with another Elemental for a roommate…”

Annoyance spikes in your stomach. “His name is Seokjin, and I’m an Elemental too, mom. His mom could say the same thing about me.”

Seokjin’s mom could be saying that, but she wouldn’t because Seokjin’s mom and dad are both magic enthusiasts. The few times you met them, they were nothing but kind.

“Oh, Y/N.” Your mom sighs. “It’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“Watch your tone,” she says. “I’m only telling the truth. You work hard on controlling your magic. Your roommate, on the other hand, uses his magic willy-nilly. In broad daylight! You two couldn’t be more different.”

Your mom isn’t wrong about that, although not for the reason she thinks. Seokjin does use his magic freely, but you’re the one at risk of hurting others – not him.

“Seokjin is a good guy,” you say tightly. “He’s letting me stay here, rent-free, while I search for another job.”

“Another job?” Her voice pitches. “What happened to the job at that restaurant?”

Cursing yourself for your own stupidity, you close your eyes. “Um… I was let go. Difference of opinions with management.”

“Oh. Well. That’s too bad, Y/N, I’m sorry. It’s probably for the best – you don’t want to be working for someone you don’t respect, right?”

Some of your anger lessens at her genuine sympathy. It’d be easy to paint your mom as the villain but truthfully, she comes from a good place. You know that she loves you; she just doesn’t want to lose you the same way she lost your dad.

Exhaling deeply, you reach to grab a pillow. “I’ve been trying to paint,” you say. “It hasn’t been going well.”

“No?”

You frown at the obvious joy in her voice.

“Yeah,” you admit.

“Well…” Your mom draws the word out. “We always knew art was a risky hobby, Y/N. Painting. With watercolors. Something could easily go wrong and put you in danger.”

“I know, mom.”

“Actually,” she adds, her excitement growing. “Maybe this is a sign. Y/N – what if this means your powers are weakening?”

Your entire body goes still. “What?”

“Yes!” she says, oblivious to the panic in your voice. “You always loved watercolors because they made sense to you, right? Because of your… well, magic. What if a block means your powers are growing weaker? I wonder if other Elementals ever lose touch with their magic. I’ll have to ask Becky.”

Irrational anger surges within, and you hear the faucet in your bathroom turn on. Hastily, you work to turn it back off.

“You don’t need to do that,” you blurt. “I’ll research it myself. Actually, I should get going – I wanted to apply for some jobs this morning.”

“Oh, yes – good call, honey. You go and apply. Let me know if you need help. Becky has connections with the local university. I’m sure someone could help you update your resume – or even apply, if that sounds interesting to you.”

“Thanks,” you say, although it absolutely does not. “That’s a nice offer.”

“Have a good day, honey – I love you!”

“Love you, too,” you say before hanging up.

Dropping the phone onto your bed, you hug your pillow tightly. It takes several long minutes to relax, wading your way through an anxious sea of thought. Although your mom means well, conversations with her tend to leave you feeling drained. Since you were young, it’s felt like your mom has an idea of the perfect child, and they aren’t you.

Eventually, you stand to bring your mug to the kitchen. Seokjin is busy making another pot of coffee, the delicious scent wafting overhead.

Passing him by, you eye this warily. “Isn’t that your third pot this morning?”

“And?” Seokjin reaches for his mug. “You’ve had three cups yourself.”

“Touché,” you sigh, collapsing on the couch.

Minutes later, Seokjin enters the living room and hands you a mug.

Staring into the drink, you say, “Thanks.”

Settling onto the sofa, Seokjin examines you over the rim of his coffee. You ignore him, taking a long sip of your drink. A summer breeze wafts through the window, and with a flick of his wrist, Seokjin sends it back out.

A stab of envy goes through you, although you know it’s irrational. Seokjin always makes magic look easy, but you’ve never found it to be so. Maybe when you were younger, before the crippling fear and anxiety had a chance to set in. The only time magic ever felt normal was when you painted and now, you can’t even do that.

Thinking about painting makes you think about Jungkook though, causing the dull thud in your chest to become a sledgehammer. You miss him. Miss the easy way Jungkook made you laugh. How he insisted on constantly touching some part of your body.

Cupping your mug of coffee, you take another sip and sink into the sadness.

“Far be it from me to dole out advice.” Seokjin interrupts your tiny pity party. “But I think you’re going about this the wrong way.”

Too exhausted to argue, you merely exhale. “What’s the right way, then?”

His head tilts. “I don’t know. But I find it weird your block appeared around the same time you started dating Jungkook. You’ve…” Seokjin hesitates, and you recognize his how-do-I-put-this-delicately face. “You’ve given up a lot over the years, Y/N. Maybe this time, you gave up more of yourself than you realized.”

Silently, you wonder whether he’s right. For too long, you’ve gone through the motions of life without really living. Too scared of letting people in, scaring them off, of being yourself. Perhaps giving up Jungkook will be the final straw. The thought doesn’t comfort you, and you have no response.

After a moment, Seokjin turns on the TV. The morning slips by, though you can’t help but think about his earlier comments – could you control your magic if you tried harder? The moment you think this, you instantly banish the thought. You’ve been attempting for months, and nothing has worked.

With this cheery thought, you allow yourself to sink further into melancholy. Only this time, the water rushing overheard isn’t your friend. You aren’t sure it ever was.

Wednesday morning, you leave the apartment in a haze. You thought that by today, things would be better but if anything, the situation seems to be worse.

Missing Jungkook is painful.

It hurts more than you thought, which might sound stupid, but that doesn’t make it any less true. When you and Elliot broke up, it was sad, but you knew it was for the best and that lessened some of the pain. Now though, each beat of your heart prevents the wound from closing. A tentative scab in one second, only to be torn open the next.

Jungkook always sent you good morning texts. Not because he was up before you, but because he went to bed so late, it was only an hour or two before you awoke. His words were the first thing you read in the morning, smiling sleepily at his rambling. Sometimes, Jungkook would include a late-night snack recipe. Always, he’d end with something he liked about you.

His silence is deafening. Something not even your favorite coffee shop can fix, although you try. Standing in line, you aimlessly flip through songs on your phone. Today, you promised Seokjin you’d attend at least two interviews. The first one is in an hour at a sushi restaurant. Before then, you plan to load up on caffeine and organize your thoughts.

When the line moves forward, you flip to your messages. No new texts. Unsurprising, but it rends the scab in your heart anew.

Facing forward, you remove an earbud to order. “Hi,” you say, mustering a smile. “I’ll have an iced americano with rose syrup.”

“Got it.” The barista barely looks up. “That all?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Want a receipt?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.” She nods. “That’ll be ready soon at the end of the counter.”

Nodding your thanks, you replace the ear pod. Cranking your music louder, you wait for your coffee and lean against the counter. The coffee shop is tiny, empty for a weekday after the morning rush. Aimless, you glance over the clustered tables.

Your thoughts are on Jungkook before they can be stopped. You wonder what he's doing, what he’s wearing, whether he’s blocked your number yet from his phone.

A talented graphic designer, Jungkook works mostly on commission and on his own time. He does well for himself – enough to afford rent on his own place. Your mutual creative streak was something you had in common. Not your sleeping hours, that’s for sure.

Jungkook usually slept until nine or ten, then went to the gym before he made breakfast. You used to tease him about that, saying he couldn’t call it breakfast if –

Your heart falters. Jungkook must be on your mind since you seem to have hallucinated him here, at the coffee shop. You blink once, and then twice, but the mirage doesn’t fade, and you’re forced to conclude Jungkook is actually here.

Unfolding himself from a chair, he heads in your direction. Panicked, you glance at the counter, then back up. Your coffee hasn’t finished, which means that you’re trapped. Straightening, you do your best to seem natural and are certain you fail. Jungkook doesn’t just look natural, he is so as he approaches. At least, until you notice his hands in his pockets.

Jungkook does this when he’s nervous. Likely, he’s playing with the inside pocket lining. It hurts, knowing him so well, and not being his. When Jungkook comes to a stop, you stand mere inches apart.

“Jungkook,” you say, his name punched from your diaphragm.

He nods. “Hey.”

Uncertain, you glance down at the counter to check for your drink. Still nothing and, looking back, you tilt your head. “What are you doing here?”

Jungkook’s hands go deeper, if possible. “Getting coffee. Is that allowed?”

Your lips press together. “Sure. Theoretically, you can get coffee. What I’m asking though, is why you chose this coffee shop, five blocks away from your place. Usually, you’re not awake before noon.”

His expression is inscrutable. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah.”

The silence between you lengthens, and not in a good way. You know why you’re quiet but can’t tell what Jungkook is thinking. You suppose that it’s possible he woke up early, forgot this was your favorite shop and went on a long walk for coffee – it’s possible, but unlikely.

At last, Jungkook exhales. “Alright, fine. I wanted to see you.”

“Y/N?”

Both of you turn at the sound of your name. Glancing between the two of you, the barista seems to pick up a weird vibe, dropping the cup to hurry away. Grateful for the interruption, you reach for your coffee and attempt to reset.

It’s not fair of Jungkook, corning you like this. You were already forced to end this once – unfair, making you do so again. Breaking up with him once was barely possible; twice is unthinkable.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?”

His voice interrupts your train of thought and, gripping your drink tightly, you turn.

“Like what?” you ask.

“Like, I don’t know.” His brow furrows, frustration obvious. “Anything, Y/N.”

Behind the counter, the barista fills a tea kettle to set this on the stove. You watch it instead of Jungkook, unsure how you’re going to do this again. The pressure of the water boiling is near tangible, mimicking the internal state of your mind.

Biting your tongue, you decide a safe exit is best. Jungkook will get the hint without you being forced to break his heart. Counting backwards from ten, you exhale and attempt to walk past.

“I’m sorry you came all this way,” you say in a murmur.

You’re nearly past Jungkook when you hear a soft swear. Only one more step happens before his hand grips your elbow.

“Y/N, please,” Jungkook breathes, turning you towards him.

Your gaze lifts and you start at his obvious pain. Staring back, Jungkook searches your face for something unspoken. Whatever he seeks, he must find it, since determination enters his.

You tear your gaze away. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jungkook.”

“I want to know if you were serious about breaking up.”

He’s still holding your elbow.

You must notice this at the same time, but neither of you move. Your gaze returns to his, drawn like a magnet and you realize your mistake when you can’t look away. Romeo’s line about Julie being the sun comes to mind, making sudden sense. You orbit around Jungkook, whether you like it or not.

In the background, a tea kettle whistles. “I meant what I said, Jungkook,” you say, forcing yourself to speak first. “I’m not good for you.”

A muscle in his jaw feathers. “But why,” he demands, frustration seeping through. You can hear in his voice the long nights of desperation, of little sleep in your absence. “I don’t understand what went wrong, Y/N. What did I do?”

A chasm in your chest opens, hating how easily he jumps to self-doubt. Before you can think better of it, you move closer.

“Nothing,” you say, one hand on his arm. “You did nothing wrong, Jungkook. I’m just not in a place where I can be in a relationship.”

“But why not?” His gaze sharpens. “Everything was fine between us until Sunday.”

“Everything was not fine.”

Jungkook pauses, then barrels on. “When you say you can’t be in a relationship… what you’re really saying is you can’t be in a relationship with me.”

“With anyone,” you correct, although you aren’t sure that’s the truth.

Your magic has never been this temperamental. Possibly because this is the first time you’ve fallen in love. Dating someone not Jungkook would be safer, but the thought is abhorrent.

If you can’t have Jungkook, you don’t want anyone. That will be your punishment. Jungkook will move on, fall in love, and be happy with another person. Not you. No one else will compare, and if you can’t now, you doubt you’ll move past this crippling fear.

“You keep telling me that,” Jungkook says, growing heated. “But I’m the one you’re breaking up with, so it’s a little bit about me. You need to give me something, Y/N. Is this about your past? I know you don’t like to talk about your childhood, but I want to know.”

A loud buzzing fills your ears, gaze darting around. You haven’t told Jungkook much about your family, not wanting to invite questions about being an Elemental. The thought of him guessing sparks panic again, and the tea kettle on the stove whistles louder.

“People in my past hurt me,” you say in a rush. Magic itches beneath your skin, begging for escape. “That’s part of it, but not all.”

“What’s all, then?”

Frustration seeps past the wall, and several things happen. Your magic lashes out, a loud noise makes you jump, and the tea kettle shatters while hitting the floor. Water sloshes across the tile, steam hissing as the barista jumps back with a yelp.

Startled, you whirl around. One barista turns off the stove, another grabs a towel while a third finds a broom. Luckily, none of them seem injured – the tea kettle missed their skin. Taking a half-step towards them, you force yourself to stop. Although you want to help, that might make you seem guilty.

Already, the guilt within you is rising. You felt your magic overpowering you and chose to stay. If a barista had been hurt, it would’ve been your fault.

Turning back, you find Jungkook staring at the mess. He looks similarly shocked, twisting the knife in your gut. If he knew you caused this, he’d look at you that differently.

“You see?” you blurt, and he glances in your direction. “Everyone around me gets hurt. I can’t hurt you, too, Jungkook.”

Shoving open the door, you’re halfway outside when his words reach your ears.

“That’s the thing, Y/N,” he says softly. “You already have.”

The door shuts behind you, and you almost make it home before starting to cry. The skies open again above the city.

“This can’t be a coincidence,” you mutter, staring through the window.

The slightly dilapidated Ramen-rama tables stare back at you until the owner walks past. Catching you standing there, he motions you on.

Somewhat chagrined, you trudge down the sidewalk. Reaching a playground two blocks away, you collapse on a bench and attempt to be rational. Four different interviews. Spread across two different days. Each one ending the exact same.

One crappy interview, even two, and you’d understand. But four crappy interviews in the same way? Something weird is happening. Each interview, you arrived, greeted the owner, answered a few questions, and were thus informed the position was filled.

It wasn’t that you hadn’t gotten a job. It was that your interviewers seemed nervous, staring hard at your resume and never your face. They seemed relieved when you left, as though you were liable to break something for fun.

“Hey. Did you interview this morning at Ramen-rama?”

Startled, you turn and find a stranger beside you.

You don’t recognize him; certainly you’d remember if you met before. Dressed in a Ramen-rama t-shirt, his dark hair is gathered in a bun on his head. His hair makes your chest ache, since Jungkook used to wear his like that.

“Um, yeah,” you say, yanking yourself from your daydreams.

He smiles and nods. “I thought that was you. Listen – I overheard the manager talking this morning on the phone while I was unloading the truck. I think he was talking about you, so I thought I should tell you what I overheard.”

Concerned, you straighten. “Uh, okay. What was he saying?”

“He was talking to your old boss – Pierre? Apparently, he’s calling around and warning people not to hire you. Said that you stole from him, or something. Not sure if it’s the same story for everyone, or if he’s making up shit up in the moment.”

Your jaw nearly drops. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” The guy’s smile turns wry. “I’m assuming none of it’s true. You don’t look like the thieving type, but the boss is running a business, I guess. Can’t be too careful.”

“Right.” You pause, then shake your head. “I didn’t steal, just so you know. A guest was an ass to me, so I dumped water on him – on accident,” you add.

Laughing loudly, the guy clutches his bicycle. “Wow, I’d love to hear that story. Especially the part about it being an accident,” he adds with a wink, sticking out his hand. “I’m Wooyoung.”

“Y/N,” you say as you shake. “So. Pierre is calling people?”

Brow furrowed, Wooyoung pulls back. “Yeah. Sorry I had to tell you like this. Wasn’t sure whether you’d want to know, but figured I should.”

You push yourself to stand. “I do appreciate it. Thanks for telling me.”

“No problem.” Sheepish, he glances down the road. “I should actually get back if I don’t want to lose my job. Delivery,” he explains, nodding towards his bike. “Need the extra income.”

“Makes sense,” you say, forcing a smile. “Good luck.”

Wooyoung nods, then pauses in a way that feels familiar. He’s checking you out, you realize after a moment. Although flattering, it’s instantly followed by a rush of guilt. Wooyoung is cute and in another life, you’d say yes, but in every life, it’s hard not to want Jungkook.

Waving goodbye, Wooyoung climbs onto his bike and takes off. You head in the opposite direction, needing to put distance between you and Ramen-rama. If Pierre is shit-talking you across town, you’ll be hard-pressed to find another job at a restaurant. Owners are notoriously clicky and for how many restaurants there are, there are surprisingly few out of the loop.

Maybe you can ask the coffee shop if they’re hiring. Although you should probably avoid work with water for a bit. This drops your mood, your thoughts turning desperate. You’re so deep in an anxiety spiral, you nearly run into an open door on the sidewalk.

Jerking upright, you stare at faded, golden letters. Creative Courage is spelled in looping cursive over a frosted window. Art supplies fill a display case, while the other is clustered with art of all kinds. You spot sculpture, pottery, painting, and sketches before losing count.

Before you can chicken out, you push open the door.

Stepping in, tiny bells chime to announce your arrival. Soft, ambient light fills the space – a shop that’s two-fold, you realize now that you’re inside. The front sells art supplies while in the back stands a classroom. There’s a class in session now, several artists seated on stools before easels.

“Can I help you?” someone asks, stepping into your path.

Blinking, you focus. “Um, no – thank you! I was just looking.”

“Of course!” The woman beams, reaching up to arrange a clip in magenta hair. “That’s what we’re here for. If you do change your mind, let me know – we’ve got art supplies out front, and classes are held daily in back.”

“Classes?”

“Mhm.” Crossing her arms, the woman nods. “Mostly still life and figure drawing, but we’re hoping to add some more soon. Are you an artist?” she asks, sounding hopeful.

Immediately, you stiffen. “No. At least, not right now.”

Her lips twitch. “Not sure it works like that, unfortunately. Who you are can’t come on and off like a jacket. I like that, though,” she admits with a laugh. “Might borrow it the next time the muses aren’t singing.”

You can’t help but grin. “Exactly.”

Her head tilts, surveying you with unnerving intensity. “My name is Taryn. I co-own this place with my partner, Micah. They’re the one teaching right now.”

“Oh,” you say, somewhat wistful. “That’s nice.”

“Thanks.” Her smile widens. “So, what was your preferred medium? You know, ‘back when’ you were an artist.”

You can’t help but laugh when Taryn lifts her hands to use air quotes. Some people have a way of making you feel included in their jokes, and Taryn is one of them. She teases you in a conspiratorial way, letting you know she understands. People often call art a labor of love, which can be true but more often, it’s a complicated tangle of love, pain and frustration.

“Watercolors,” you admit. “And my name is Y/N.”

Her eyes brighten. “We’ve been meaning to add a watercolor class for ages. Some of our regulars have asked, but Micah and I are both hopeless. Potter,” she explains, gesturing at herself. “And Micah prefers charcoal. Sometimes sculpture.”

“Wow,” you say. “Those are very different.”

“You don’t say.” Taryn laughs. “Micah likes to keep things fresh. What about you? Have you ever taught be– hang on,” she blurts, her eyes going wide. “Did you say that your name is Y/N? As in Y/N Y/L/N?”

Your cheeks heat. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Whirling, Taryn hustles through the front room to duck behind a counter. Digging through several drawers, she pulls out a print to hurry back.

“Is this you?” she demands, thrusting this in your face.

Even cross-eyed and close, you recognize your most popular work. A watercolor series on the majesty and destruction of sea storms. Looking at this makes you feel raw, and so you look up.

“Yep,” you admit. “That’s me.”

Pulling back, Taryn looks at the print reverently. “You’re amazing. Micah was trying to do something similar but couldn’t capture the right feeling.”

Shuffling awkwardly, you shrug. You’ve never felt as though your work deserved acclaim, although it’s nice to know the series resonated with others. One of your favorite aspects of art is how it can be intensely personal but once shared, takes on a universal quality. You find it constantly surprising; how many people seem to share the same burdens.

“Seriously.” Taryn shakes her head wryly. “If you ever wanted to teach a class, let me know. We’d be lucky to have you here.”

“Thank you,” you say, stuffing both hands in your pockets.

You hadn’t realized your desperation was obvious. Or possibly Taryn is just incredibly good at reading others. Truthfully, it’s been a while since you stepped foot in the art world. Even before dating Jungkook, you felt your passion lagging. It’s been a long time since you wanted to connect with your inner voice, although merely the act of being here calls the tide in your blood.

Dangerous.

Recognizing this, you reinforce an inner wall. “I’m sorry,” you repeat. “I’m not really looking for something right now.”

Taryn nods. “Sure. If things change though, just let me know – before next week,” she adds. “We try to publish our class schedule on the first of each month.”

“Will do. Thanks, again.”

“Anytime!” Beaming, Taryn spins to restock the next shelf.

Realizing your conversation is finished, you continue down the next aisle. The shop’s materials are superb, and your fingers are itching to reach out and touch. Reaching the front, you notice a quote painted over the register: Creativity takes courage – Henry Matisse.

You stare at this for a while, unsure why it hurts. Courage isn’t something you’ve thought about in a long time. When you were younger, you pushed people away because it was safe, but now you find yourself wondering who was that for – others? Or yourself?

Maybe the reason you keep yourself separate is because you are afraid people might leave you. Like Katrina. Or Elliot. Or even your dad.

Suppressing magic was hard at the start. Everything about it felt counter-intuitive but you reasoned doing the right thing often took effort. This is what you told yourself, anyways. It made said effort more bearable.

When you first began painting, the relief you felt was immense. After so long spent ignoring your emotions, you found a space to be free. Your series about the sea was oddly therapeutic, working through complicated emotions; your love for the ocean, coupled with fear of its wild beauty. Similar clashes within yourself about magic. And always, always, the desire for more.

For a few hours though, those feelings could be a part of you. Magic could be a part of you, so long as you remained in control – and with brush in hand, you were.

Only now does it occur to you that maybe, this wasn’t healthy. Maybe you shouldn’t feel the need to compartmentalize, as though certain pieces of yourself can only exist in certain spaces.

Tearing your gaze from the words, you exit the shop and gently shut the door. Pulling your jacket tighter, you head down the sidewalk and let your thoughts drift. Jungkook only saw you paint once, but the memory is hard to forget.

You had just started dating, barely past the stage of calling him ‘boyfriend.’ The constant influx of emotion was difficult to manage, and after a few weeks, you were exhausted. Most of your time spent without Jungkook was seated before your canvas. After one particularly frustrating session, you set down your paint to stubbornly stare at the canvas.

A throat cleared from behind.

Startled, you spun and found Jungkook standing there. His gaze moved quickly to yours, but you realized he’d been staring at your half-finished work. Normally, you felt panic at the thought of someone seeing a work in progress. That night though, the look on Jungkook’s face eased your concerns. Awe; pure and clear.

Yanking down giant, over-ear headphones, you hastily stood.

Jungkook lurched forward. “No!” he blurted, only to halt. “I mean – you don’t have to cover the painting. I liked it.”

He seemed flustered, which made you slightly flustered, but you took a slow step sideways. Eager, Jungkook’s gaze traversed the canvas.

Eventually, he looked back. “Sorry about that,” Jungkook said and walked closer. Warm hands found your waist. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“How did you get in?” you laughed, burying your face in his chest.

“Seokjin.” He paused. “Did he not say I was here? I texted you a half hour ago, but you didn’t respond. I figured I’d stop by, and Seokjin said to come up.”

Softening, you made a mental note to chastise Seokjin later. Tightening your arms, you lifted your head and smiled.

“So.” Jungkook glanced over your shoulder. “This is you.”

This sent a thrill down your spine. He spoke as though he’d known you before, but only on a surface level and now, he understood. Jungkook knew your art was part of you, as much as your heart or your soul. You had often felt the same, but never said so out loud.

Magic swelled, and you pushed it back down, but it was difficult. When Jungkook bent his head, you forgot to be scared and let yourself feel. The brush of his lips. The tightening of his hands. The current within you, swelling against your highest walls.

Loudly, someone knocked on the door. Breathless, you jerked backwards and found Seokjin in the door.

“Hey.” He jerked a thumb over one shoulder. “Wanted to let you know our dishwasher broke. Flooded the kitchen.” Pointed, Seokjin looked at you. “Everything is all good, but I’m calling a plumber tomorrow. Carry on.”

In a flurry of embarrassment, you abruptly ended the evening and sent Jungkook home.

Remembering how the night ended, you stifle a groan and walk faster. Once more, you couldn’t control your magic and put Jungkook in danger. Hardly the creative courage Henry Matisse imagined.

You always assumed suppressing your magic was the best choice. But the best choice for who? Certainly not for you, who lives isolated, inert and in fear of yourself. Your dad used to call your magic a gift, but it’s been a long time since you felt that way.

This memory brings with it a sharp stab of pain. Since your dad passed, fear has replaced any joy your magic brought. Fear of falling victim to the same fate he did. Of others’ rejection. Of failing to live up to your father’s example.

You have little doubt that if your dad could see you now, he’d be confused by your actions.

You push others away in the name of saving them. Again, you think of Jungkook and for once you allow it. The entire way home, you wish that he’d call.

He doesn’t though and eventually, you stop hoping.

By Friday, the threads keeping your feelings at bay are nearly worn through. Intrusive thoughts push against fragile bonds, threatening the haven you’ve carefully crafted.

With more force than needed, you toss clothing into the washer. Your usual laundromat was closed, forcing you to walk five blocks to the next one. Sweaty from suddenly sweltering temperatures, your arms sore from the hamper, the situation does nothing to improve an already crappy mood.

Wiping your forehead with one arm, you slam the door and press start. The machine whirs to life, laundry tumbling in a way reminiscent of your inner turmoil. Up, you did the right thing by ending it with Jungkook. He’ll swiftly move on and find someone else. Down – but you don’t want him to find someone else. You want him to find you.

Teeth gritted, you turn and grab your hamper from the floor. Placing this on the washer, you wearily tug your cell phone from your pocket. By the time you walked home, you’d have to come back, leaving you with forty minutes to kill. You could read more of the book you just started. Or submit your resume to a couple of restaurants.

After yesterday’s disaster at Ramen-rama though, the interview process has stalled. Instead, you’ve found yourself thinking more about Creative Courage. For a brief moment, you even walked into the third bedroom to paint.

You immediately walked back out again, but merely the act was more than you’ve done in months. The thought of creation brought mostly panic, since it’d involve you being honest. Something you haven’t been with yourself in a while.

Because if you were honest, you know what you’d find. You would regret breaking up with Jungkook. Maybe even find that, deep down, you want to be selfish. You want to keep dating him, even if Jungkook gets hurt in the end.

After all, you saw what loving an Elemental did to your mom.

Putting down your phone, you scan the laundromat and find your gaze catching on the person in the next aisle.

No. No, no, no – absolutely not.

The universe – or whoever’s writing your story – must be cruel and unusual, since standing beside you is Jungkook. You’d recognize his head anywhere. Straightening from his hamper, Jungkook turns to face you and goes still.

Eyes wide, he seems stunned until someone slams shut their dryer. Both of you jump, breaking eye contact and time seems to reset. Pressing start on his machine, Jungkook grabs his gym bag and hoists it over one shoulder. He strides towards the exit, halfway there when you spring into action.

Dashing towards him, you cut him off at the dryers. Footsteps slowing, Jungkook meets your gaze with visible confusion.

“Sorry,” he says, tugging his gym bag behind him. The thick, grey strap of it cuts across his hoodie. “I was just leaving. I can come back later if you want to finish your load.”

Again, he tries to move past you, but something inside of you snaps. You aren’t sure what possesses you, but somehow, find your hand gripping his sleeve.

Startled, Jungkook stares.

Equally swift, you withdraw. “I, uh…”

Head spinning, all your words seem to fly out the window. Nothing about this was planned. You have no idea what to tell Jungkook besides I’m sorry, and even this would be woefully inadequate without explanation. Which you can’t give.

“You don’t have to leave on my account,” you say at last.

A singular brow lifts. “No? You didn’t seem to think that way on Wednesday.”

You suppress a wince, although you try your best to hide it. “I know,” you admit. “It’s just… this is your usual laundromat. I don’t want you to leave because of me. I wouldn’t even be here, expect the one near me is broken and –”

“Got it,” he interrupts, the words tight. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have to be.”

Swallowing hard, you stare down at your shoes. You know you deserve this, but it’s just so hard to see Jungkook hurting. He deserves to be happy, not wasting his energy on hating you.

“Okay,” you whisper.

Your eyes start to burn, and you squeeze them shut to prevent a reaction. You absolutely cannot cry in front of Jungkook. Not when you’re the one who started this; the very last thing you want him to feel for you is pity.

“Hey.” Something in his tone shifts, and you hear Jungkook step closer. When you open your eyes, he watches you intently. “What’s wrong?”

A tiny fissure within your chest splinters.

Anyone else could have asked those words, and you would have been able to answer. For Jungkook to do so is unthinkable. You’re the one who ruined this. The one who hurt him, who ended this and still, Jungkook is concerned about your well-being.

“I was fired on Sunday,” you say in a rush. “Before I came to see you.”

He blinks only once before his face hardens. “Before you broke up with me, you mean.”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

Running his tongue over the back of his teeth, Jungkook glances away. His expression is taut, and you feel a sharp pang of envy. It’s so easy to read Jungkook. You’ve spent so long hiding your emotions, it strikes you as luxurious how easily he feels.

A muscle in his jaw tics. “Y/N,” Jungkook says, turning back. “What are you doing?”

“What… do you mean?”

Fear spikes your heart, wondering if Jungkook has finally pieced the facts together. Maybe he saw more than you realized at the coffee shop. Maybe he finally knows what you are.

“Why are you… torturing me?” he clarifies, a slight rasp to his voice. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You were fired? That sucks, but it doesn’t make this okay. It doesn’t make us okay,” he adds, gesturing to the air between you.

“I – I know,” you stammer, nearly blurting out something you’ll regret.

Like that you’re an Elemental teetering close to the edge. One who can feel every pipe, every spin cycle within the walls of this laundromat. All of them churning, pulsing, begging for your magic to release the water inside.

“You know?” Jungkook stares at you, incredulous. “Again, Y/N – what do you want from me?”

Since you started talking, you’ve moved several steps closer. Another breath, another reach and you’d be in his arms. Glancing down, you notice how quickly Jungkook’s chest rises and falls.

He’s afraid, you realize. Jungkook’s fear isn’t the same one as yours, though. He isn’t afraid that you’ll see him, but rather that you’ll destroy him.

Realizing this, a barrier within you crumbles. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” you say, somewhat desperate.

“You keep saying that.” Determined, he steps closer and somehow, your hand entwines with his to press against his chest. “You keep saying you don’t want this, but you won’t tell me why. Won’t tell me anything, Y/N – you were fired, and this is the first time I’m hearing it.”

“I couldn’t tell you!” you blurt. “I can’t explain it, Jungkook, but I couldn’t tell you when it happened.”

His gaze sharpens. “Then, yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe we are better off broken up.”

Releasing you, Jungkook brushes past you and heads for the exit. You stare blankly at the wall before you, your whole world caving in as your head starts to spin. Magic seeps beyond your fractured walls, flooding your veins in desperate search for an exit.

“That’s not true,” you protest, spinning around. “I’ve told you more than anyone else in my life, Jungkook. I’ve let you in in ways no one else has.”

Jungkook stiffens at the door, his entire body taut. For a single, long moment, it seems as though he might reconsider but the longer you stand there, the more you watch the fight drain from the lines of his shoulders.

“I don’t doubt that’s true,” he says, hand hovering above the doorknob. “But that’s not the same as letting me in.”

He starts to go.

Everything around you becomes white noise.

When you were ten, you passed a famous dam on one of your cross-country moves. Your mom took you to see it, swinging your hand while entering the viewing platform.

The moment you saw it, you went wholly still. Trillions of gallons of water, trapped behind concrete, constantly pushing but unable to break. It felt like your magic. Raw, untamed power contained by a solid wall. You stared for longer than any other visitor, until your mom pulled your arm and said you should leave.

The entire way to the car, your mom was silent and once you were buckled in, she twisted around to see you. “Listen to me, Y/N,” she said, her voice serious. “That dam will only work if the wall holds. If the wall breaks, do you know what happens?”

Silent, you shook your head.

“The water will flood the whole valley. Everyone in its path, all the forest – they’d be gone. The wall can’t break, or bad things happen. Do you understand me?”

Solemn, you nodded because even then, you understood. Although your magical dam was intangible, it held equal importance. You had to hold in the magic, otherwise bad things would happen. So long as the wall was in place, you were safe.

Now though, you squeeze your eyes tightly as the wall starts to crumble.

Emotions break with the force of a tidal wave, racing ahead and drowning all in its path. Memories you thought were long buried continue to rise, crushing you further. Your walls are destroyed in a matter of seconds.

You remember your dad, kissing you on the head before leaving the house. Katrina’s stricken expression when the door shut in her face. Jungkook, asking you what he’d done wrong again.

Each memory drags you under, and you shudder against the onslaught. It takes everything you have to remain standing while your restraint dissolves.

Hands grip your arms.

Surprised, your eyes fly open to find Jungkook before you. His neck muscles strain, yelling to be heard over thundering water. You try your best to focus, to rein your magic back in – only to realize with horror, it might be too late.

The laundromat around you is in chaos. Several ceiling pipes have burst, water crashing down in torrents of water. Already, waves lap at your ankles. Noise filters back in, flickering before solidifying to something substantial.

People are screaming, abandoning their hampers in an attempt to get out. The door has stuck though, unable to open under the onslaught of water. Jungkook yells again, and this time you hear him.

“Are you okay?” he bellows, close to your face.

You stare upward, stupefied. Another pipe bursts, and you think that was you, but it’s hard to be sure. Hard to understand which parts are in control and which parts are not. What particular emotion is holding the reins at any moment.

Determination replaces fear in his face, and Jungkook bends before you have time to blink. In an instant, you’re tossed over his shoulder. A yelp escapes, upside-down but he’s already wading through the aisle of washers.

Jungkook shouts at people to move, but no one is listening. After a moment, you feel him exhale and surge forward. Although you can’t see, the people seem to be moving, so Jungkook must appear confident.

Grasping the door, he pulls on it, hard. Nothing happens. Exhaling, Jungkook grips your waist tighter and mutters, “Hold on.”

You don’t have time to ask why, since he yanks harder and the entire frame shudders. Jungkook does this again and another pipe bursts, drawing your gaze. By the time you look back, the door has budged an inch and water is pouring out. With a final wrench, Jungkook yanks open the door.

People shove past him, rushing into the street with the tide of water. Spinning around, Jungkook shields you with his frame from the wet crush of bodies. His grip never wavers, feet anchored to the ground as though they’ve rocks themselves.

With each breath, your pulse slows until finally, you locate the faint threads of magic. Before, you felt too much at once. The crush was overwhelming but now, you manage to breach the surface. For the first time, you see your panic influencing the tide.

Realizing this, you reach inward and try to – turn. With great effort, you identify the source of your power and disconnect. Water in the ceiling slows to a trickle, and then, nothing.

Exhaling against your neck, Jungkook’s hand moves lower.

You can’t help but shiver. “Jungkook?” you murmur into his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Could you… you know, set me down?”

“Oh.”

Somewhat sheepish, Jungkook lowers you to face him. He doesn’t step away, and neither do you. If this is the last time you see him, you want to be selfish and make it as long as possible.

He stares back at you, waterdrops caught between his lashes. In the background, water continues to drip from a pipe. The soft plink-plink echoes the thud of your heart.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Jungkook’s hands remain on your waist, his touch scrambling all semblance of sanity. You aren’t sure how to answer without being honest.

Truthfully, you’re not okay.

An okay person wouldn’t break up with their boyfriend and then, six days later throw themselves in their path. An okay person wouldn’t be hiding their magic, they wouldn’t be lying to the person they love and most of all, wouldn’t continue to place that same person in danger.

Silent, you survey the aftermath of your outburst. Deep down, your magic itches in response to your panic. Seeping outward, it seeks to mold to the fear, but you manage to stop it. Something about the wall being gone makes your power less alien. No longer an unknown variable, but a constant.

“No,” you exhale. Steeling yourself, you take a step backwards. “No, Jungkook, I’m not okay. I… this is exactly why you should stay away from me. Bad things happen, and I can’t control them. I’m so sorry.”

Again, you brace yourself for his anger, but it never comes. Jungkook is unusually quiet, head cocked to one side. He sees right through you, a sensation unnerving enough that you drop your gaze.

“I should go,” you repeat, stepping around him. Reaching your washer, you hastily unload your soggy clothing. “I have to go.”

Jungkook says nothing, although you feel his gaze on the back of your head. Hefting your hamper, you slam the door shut, and turn. The water level at your ankles has dropped, no more than a centimeter remaining in the room.

Sirens wail in the distance, likely on their way to investigate. Your stomach lurches, recognizing the cost of your magic. As soon as possible, you should reach out to Seokjin. His company might be able to cover the damage if the laundromat can’t.

Nearing the exit, you look anywhere but at Jungkook’s face. “I’m sorry,” you repeat, unsure what else to say. “Really, I am.”

Again, he lets you move past. Water rushes out when you open the door, seeking the street, then the gutter. Hurrying past, you can’t shake the feeling something has changed.

Not only with you and Jungkook, but with you and your magic. Silent, you prod the place deep within from which your magic stems. You’re used to a wall, feeling closed off but now, it seems your mom was right.

Once shattered, the dam can’t be rebuilt.

A weightlessness accompanies this that you didn’t anticipate. Despite the terror of your outburst, there was a moment near the end when you stopped it. When you felt what was wrong and controlled your outburst of magic. You haven’t done that before.

The thought is followed by regret, remembering Jungkook. When you broke up, it was supposed to save him. Instead, you’ve only put him – and yourself – in greater danger. Maybe because you’ve continued to see him. Everything would be fine if you moved or kept your distance.

But then, another part of you wonders if you were wrong from the start. Maybe instead of providing distance, you should have come closer. Should have allowed Jungkook to decide whether he wanted to stay. After all, today, he experienced the worst of your powers, and he didn’t run. If anything, he moved closer.

Suddenly exhausted, you hail a cab. The driver grumbles at your wet clothes but allows you inside, and you tip him extra upon reaching your place. What you should do is find another laundromat and finish your load, but there’s an itch in your fingers you haven’t felt in some time.

Dropping your hamper at the door, you shutter yourself within the third bedroom. Not allowing yourself to second-guess, you sit down at your easel and pick up a brush.

For the first time in a long time, you allow the magic to flow. You paint.

Author’s Note: thank you for reading so far! Continued in Part II, here.

2K notes · View notes

sunshobix · 2 years ago

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the way life goes — six(final). (n.jm)

PAIRING: na jaemin x reader GENRE: angst, fluff, smut, college au WORD COUNT: 18.5k

SYNOPSIS: it's crazy how everything had came to be in your life, you didn't expect anything to happen the way it did. but you suppose that's the way life goes.

CHAPTERS WARNINGS: absolute mess and head fuck as twlg always is, angsty just how i like it, mentions of heavy emotions, dumb reader and jaemin moments, eunbin and jaemin moments, mentions of alcohol and weed, explicit language (a lot of cursing), kissing, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex,

[series m.list]

Jaemin sleeps soundly for the first time that night.

He would argue that it’s probably the best sleep he’s had in ages—covered in blankets, wrapped up in your arms with his head resting on your chest, legs tangled together… he felt at peace.

He’s pretty sure he dreamt for the first time too. No recurring nightmares appearing or dreamless nights where he wakes up groggy, confused and lonely.

He dreamt. He dreamt of him, he dreamt of you. You looked so pretty—you always look pretty. You were smiling, you were laughing all while holding onto his arm and pointing at the sky. The sun was setting; a mixture of yellows, oranges and pinks. It would’ve been a beautiful picture to capture, especially with your silhouette in the shot.

The group were there too, running across that sand barefooted, screaming and shouting as the cold sea came to shore. But he wasn’t focused on them. He has his eyes set on you.

But, much to his dismay, he wakes up before he can even finish the dream, and he wakes up alone.

His hand runs across the bed, a frown settling on his features at the cold touch of the sheets pricks his fingertips. Jaemin lifts himself up on his elbows as he stares at the empty spot with fuzzy vision, hair sticking in different directions and muscles aching.

You’ve been out of bed for a while, He thinks while he sits up, sleeping rubbing at his face as he swings his legs over the side of the bed to stand up. He wobbles across his floorboards, blindly reaching in the dark to retrieve a clean pair of shorts to tug them up his legs to cover his modesty, fumbling to get to his bedroom door.

Jaemin steps out into the vacant hallway, squinting at the light that blinds his eyes as he walks towards the bathroom, dripping the doorknob and twisting with a call of your name, fully expecting you to be sitting on the toilet or even in the bathtub as he peers his head inside but grunts as he’s met with complete darkness, and a empty room.

His brows draw together in confusion as he pulls the door shut, turning to look over his shoulder to eye the closed bedroom doors of the other boys, not fully sure if they all came back home last night after they all ventured to the girls apartment.

Jaemin hovers outside of Yangyang’s bedroom, debating whether to open it up and take a quick peek inside to see if, for some reason, you were in there. But he’s met with darkness yet again, and an empty bed.

He feels a little uncomfortable and majorly confused, flashbacks of waking up alone after his last night with Eunbin before she disappeared repeats in his head and he feels the panic build up in his chest, trying his best to calm his erratic heartbeat as he ventures downstairs and into the kitchen to grab himself a glass of cold water but flinches in shock when he switches on the light and sees Donghyuck sat alone at the kitchen island with his hand shoved in a cereal box.

Jaemin stares at him in bewilderment, “What are you doing?”

“I’m eating” Donghyuck answers simply, giving him an odd look as he shoves another handful of cereal into his mouth before bringing his attention back to his phone that lays across the marble countertop, scrolling through instagram.

“Where is everyone?”

“Shotaro’s in his room sleeping, Renjun is with Haru and Yangyang and Jeno are walking Y/N back home”

Jaemin does a complete double take. “Walking her home?”

“She said she wasn’t feeling too good when we came in, caught her just by the door… was afraid she was going to throw up or something” Donghyuck explains to Jaemin who grows even more confused. “We were going to call her a cab but she said she wanted some fresh air so Jeno offered to walk her home. Yangyang tagged along because he got worried”

The panic inside of Jaemin builds at the thought of you not feeling okay, trying his hardest to remember how much alcohol you drank a few hours prior just in case you got too drunk, but he knows you didn’t drink that much and you were completely sober when you got back to the house. He then tries to remember if something had happened when the two of you were together in his room and if he had done something wrong or something to hurt you when you had slept together, but nothing comes to mind, he’s stuck.

Jaemin leaves Donghyuck alone in the kitchen as he runs back upstairs, not bothering to continue on with the conversation as the latter shouts nonsense behind him about what could’ve possibly happened, too busy searching for his phone to call you.

It rings once, twice, three times before it goes to voicemail and Jaemin huffs, tapping the call icon again and sandwiches his phone between his cheek and shoulder to listen to it ring once again as he yanks open his closet in search for some pants and a shirt, desperate to find something to wear so he can head over to your apartment.

“She’s home safe, you know” A voice interrupts from behind and Jaemin whizzes around to see Jeno standing in the doorway with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, head tilted to the side as he stares with Jaemin with an amused glint in his eyes when he sees the heap of clothes in front of him. “You can calm down”

“Is she sick?” Jaemin asks, pulling the phone away from his ears when it goes to voicemail yet again and he frowns.

“She doesn’t really seem herself,” Jeno admits, pressing his lips together as he figures out how to word his next question. “Did something happen between you both?”

“What? No” Jaemin's eyebrows furrow at that. “We’re fine. We talked when we got home—about the party and whatever. She was going to tell me something but we got carried away… did she say something to you?”

“Not a word” Jeno shakes his head, shifting on his feet as he straightens his back. “I don’t know if you know but Eunbin—”

“Dude, I don’t give a fuck about Eunbin right now” Jaemin cuts Jeno off with a deep sigh, his arms falling to his sides in exhaustion and annoyance. “Ever since she came back, all you guys have been doing is throwing her name around and shoving conversations about her in my face… I don’t care about Eunbin”

“Funny” Jeno scoffs, his tongue prodding at his cheek as he rips his hands out of his pockets to curl his fist around Jaemin’s bedroom door handle. “For someone that claims they don’t give a fuck about Eunbin, you sure hang out with her a lot”

Jaemin grits his teeth, “You know it’s not like that”

Jeno’s brows raise at that, “Do I?” And with that, Jeno slams the door shut, leaving Jaemin alone in his room with his thoughts.

Walking out and ignoring Jaemin after spending the night with him is probably one of the stupidest decisions you have ever made, and you have made a few.

A big part of you wanted to stay—to blurt out your full feelings and admit that you have grown to like him in a way you promised not to, but the conversation with Eunbin and lying about how there were no feelings involved weighed heavily on your chest and you felt guilty.

You felt guilty for lying, guilty for sleeping with him after telling Eunbin that you’d stop, guilty for leaving the second he fell into a deep sleep, guilty for not being selfish and getting what you want.

But, as always, you’ve never been selfish. You’ve always been selfless, you like making other people happy even if it means hurting yourself. It’s a flaw that the girls have grilled you for more times than you can possibly count.

You never learn, you never listen.

When Yangyang and Jeno walked you home that night, you could feel their curious and doubtful gazes on the side of your head, desperate to ask what was actually wrong and why you decided to leave early, clearly not taking the ‘I’m sick’ comment as an excuse. You hate how well they know you, but you were grateful they didn’t push for a real answer, there was no way you could be honest to them about what happened at the party.

“What’s wrong?” Miwoo questions you the next morning at breakfast and you feel your shoulders slump. Miwoo, on the other hand, pushes for the answer while Haru observes, staring at you until you break yourself. This is not what you need. “You’ve been weird since you got home late last night”

“Hungover” You simply lie, twirling your spoon around the cereal bowl. “I drank too much”

Miwoo scoffs at that, “You hardly drank”

“I agree” Haru chimes in softly, watching you over the rim of her coffee as she takes a sip.

“Nothings wrong,” You tell them.

“Okay”

“Stop it” You warn, pointing your spoon in Haru’s direction menacingly as if it will help, not appreciating the way the corners of her lips lift up in amusement. “I don’t like it when you assess me with your eyes, makes me feel nervous”

Miwoo grins, leaning on her elbow smugly. “Why would you be nervous if there’s nothing wrong?”

You huff in frustration, sliding down in your seat with a frown as you shove a spoonful of cereal in your mouth to not utter a single word to them, casting your eyes down to your bowl as they stare into you, waiting for you to crack.

You hold your ground, refusing to make eye contact with any of them as you continue eating your breakfast but the quietness that surrounds you three with the occasional crunch of cereal and sip of coffee makes you feel like you’re losing your mind.

“Fine” You immediately crack, your spoon clanging against the bowl as you drop it, crossing your arms over your chest as you turn your head towards Miwoo. “I’ll speak if you tell us why you’re spending so much time with Sunwoo”

Miwoo gasps, palm of her hand slapping against her chest in shock. “Don’t turn this on me”

Haru slowly cranes her head to Miwoo almost comically. “Interesting”

“I saw you talk to him last night so I’m sure he spilled on what I asked from him” Miwoo tuts with a shake of her head. “I just wanted to have some fun and Sunwoo carries a lot of the fun. He didn’t give me anything, but I did sit down with him for like an hour and talked… It was strange, a good strange”

You stare at her quizzically as you ask, “Do you like him?”

Miwoo snorts. “No. Since breaking up with Jeno, I’m done with relationships for now. I don’t need them”

“But?”

“But I like to think as myself as ‘sex positive’ so if the opportunity comes around where I can get dicked down then—”

“Okay, your turn” Haru cuts her off as she directs the conversation towards you, staring at you expectedly and you mentally groan, biting down on your inner cheek for even agreeing to spill the truth if Miwoo did first.

Honestly, you didn’t think Miwoo would actually talk about Sunwoo. You expected her to change the topic, to talk about something else like she usually does but of course, with just your luck, she was honest.

You sigh deeply, clearly a little frustrated and annoyed but you know your friends mean well. They’re curious—worried—about your sudden mood drop and how weird you’ve been acting since last night. They’re looking out for you, they care.

“I think I’m going to stop sleeping around with Jaemin” Your confession makes the girls freeze in confusion and shock, staring at you across the table and silently pleading for you to continue and explain. “I just thought that maybe it’s been going on for too long, you know”

Haru gives you a disappointed look, “You didn’t talk to him, did you?”

“I couldn’t” You shake your head, knowing what she’s hinting at. Your feelings towards Jaemin. “I couldn’t do it”

“Talk to him about what? How much you like him?” Miwoo asks nonchalantly as she takes a sip of her juice and your head snaps towards Haru for outing you out but she shakes her head, putting her hands up in defence and Miwoo snickers softly, “I figured it out. I’ve known for a while. I was just waiting for you to admit it out loud”

You frown deeply, “Is it that obvious?”

“Not really” Miwoo hums before sending you a smile, “I just know you. You're one of my best friends”

You blink at her sudden kindness, “Well that’s sweet”

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders with a smug grin as she leans back comfortably in her seat, “I try sometimes”

“I still think you should talk to him” Haru brings up the topic once again and your stomach flips with anxiety, a weight laying heavy on your chest. “You won’t know if he feels the same unless you talk to him about it”

“What if talking about it makes it worse?” You ask, voicing your fears with a shaken tone. “What if I’m standing there—blurting out my entire feelings and telling him that I broke the most important rule we made and then he rejects me or something?

“Rejection happens” Haru tells you quietly, giving you a small but tight lipped smile that does nothing to calm your nerves. “Rejection is a part of life. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, sometimes it’s not, but it happens. I think rejection helps us grow too. Sure, it fucking sucks but it’s a pain that will be forgotten in the long run. It’ll be okay”

“Also, there would be something seriously wrong with him if he rejected you” Miwoo chimes in, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at you from across the table. “I’d date you if you confess your undying love to me”

You can’t help but smile in amusement at that, the corner of your lips twitching upwards. “Thanks, Miwoo”

Maybe you should’ve been completely honest to the girls on why you wanted to stop sleeping with Jaemin, and although you did admit a few of your worries like rejection and heartache, the thought of what Eunbin had asked of you left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You did weigh the pros and cons when you were alone in your room getting ready for the day. The pros being that they would have comforted you to the extreme, perhaps maybe even talked some sense into you and told you that it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while.

The cons felt heavier, intense. They would have gotten mad, at you and definitely at Eunbin. Haru has always been silent but deadly with her anger while Miwoo has, without a doubt, been more physical and verbal. She would get her hands dirty if someone had hurt you, Haru or anybody she cared about, even herself.

You didn’t want to cause a fight, that would be a little too dramatic.

You lean back in your chair at the library with a sigh, stretching out the aching muscles in your back and arms before placing down your pen and flexing out your fingers, the numbing sensation spreading to the tips, having been holding your pen in the same position for so long left a dull throbbing in your hand.

The heaps of notes, books and Donghyuck’s laptop that you borrowed from him once again splayed out in front of you proves how long you’ve been studying inside the library, and you mentally curse at yourself for spending your free period cramming all your work into one instead of grabbing a coffee with the others.

But you had your reasons.

A stack of books slam down on the desk in front of you and you jump in fright at the sudden noise, eyes widening in shock as your head snaps up to the culprit, ignoring the sounds of other students around you shushing you or warning you to be quiet as you see Jeno.

Usually, you would’ve scoffed and calmed down once settling your attention on Jeno, but with his jaw clenched and dark eyes staring at you through the messy strands that fall in front of his face, it’s hard for you to calm down. In fact, it makes you feel more scared.

“Why are you ignoring Jaemin?”

“I’m not!!” You splutter, shaking your head. You are. “Keep your noise down, we’re in a library”

“I don’t care about the library” Jeno scoffs, pulling out the chair vacant opposite you and making himself comfortable, crossing his arms over his chest as he stares at you expectedly. “Why are you ignoring Jaemin?”

“I told you, I’m not” You lie, gesturing towards the mess in front of you. “I’ve been busy with my assessments. The college life is stressful, you know”

“So it has nothing to do with the conversation you had with Eunbin?” That throws you for a loop and your lips press together tightly, unable to control the emotions that are easily now written upon your face and Jeno sighs, dropping his head low with a shake before looking back up at you. “What happened?”

“Nothing—”

“Come on, you know you can’t lie to me,” Jeno says with a teasing smile. “Talk to me. I promise I won’t tell a soul” You give him a disbelieving look, “Okay, depends on what is it because sometimes I can’t keep my mouth shut when talking to Donghyuck—”

“Jeno” You cut him off with a frustrated sigh, rubbing your hand across your forehead at the headache that forms. Jeno frowns deeply at you, his efforts of making you laugh and crack a smile fails him, letting him know that whatever happened between you and Eunbin must’ve been serious.

He calls your name softly and your hand drops to your lap as you gaze up at him, hating how worryingly he’s looking at you right now but you bite back any comment you want to make, swallowing thickly before you begin to talk again.

“I don’t want to continue being official and sleeping with Jaemin anymore” You admit, the heavy weight laying on your chest once again as Jeno’s eyebrows raise in shock. “I have been avoiding him… but that’s because I’m nervous to have the conversation with him. I’m making it worse”

Jeno’s quiet as he mumbles, “How come?”

“Feels like it’s gotten a little out of hand” You laugh softly, embarrassment filling your tone as you stare awkwardly at your fidgeting hands. “Rules were broken—important rules. I ended up breaking the main one”

Jeno takes a moment to register what you had just admitted, remembering the five rules Jaemin had told him during the early stages of your friends with benefits situation, and everything slowly begins to sink in, a genuine smile threatening to spill onto his lips as he stares at you, “You like him”

You nod quickly, feeling awkward and embarrassed for admitting something to someone like Jeno: Jaemin’s ultimate best friend. You feel a little stupid too, but you push down all regrets and worries as you mutter, “But I can’t like him”

Jeno’s eyebrows furrow, confused. “Why not?”

You finally meet his eyes across the table, giving him a tight lipped smile as the words pour from your lips. “Because Eunbin likes him too”

Jeno promised he wouldn’t tell anyone about your conversation with Eunbin after he made you explain everything in detail, wrapping his pinky tightly around yours to seal off the promise.

The look of anger and annoyance written across his features worried you a little and at some point you were afraid he was about to burst and curse up a storm, but he kept his cool (much to your surprise) despite his facial expressions giving away exactly what he was thinking.

He accompanies you for his entire free period despite you telling him that you’re fine without the company but he ignores you as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, kicking his feet up on the empty chair beside him as he mindlessly scrolls. You scoff as you catch him glancing over at you from time to time.

Jeno also decides to come with you when Donghyuck demands his laptop back when he and the others return from getting coffee, sending you an interesting text with a bunch of emojis and light-hearted threats if you don’t return his ‘prized possession’ back in one piece.

You walk side by side with Jeno now, heading towards the outside grounds where you know the others will be waiting for your arrival and you grow a little nervous when you think about Jaemin. Would he be there? Did he have a free period to go and get coffee too? Or would he stay behind and catch up on his own work?

The questions leave you dizzy and annoyed, huffing at your thoughts which easily catches Jeno’s attention and he gives you a kind smile, reaching his hand up to your shoulder to dig his fingers into the pressure points, causing you to wince upon his first touch but slowly relax in complete bliss as you feel the tension slip away.

You give him a dumb grin to which he snorts at.

“Hey” A familiar voice calls out and you crane your neck to the side, the grin slowly slipping from your lips as you see Jaemin emerge from a class with Junghoon, who you’ve grown to learn is his nosey seatmate, by his side. It seems like your questions are answered. He did stay.

Jaemin eyes the way Jeno’s fingers are dug into your shoulders, brow twitching upwards in question when he watches his hands slowly trail down your arm and drop to his sides casually, giving Jaemin a smile that, for once, Jaemin didn’t bother giving back.

Your mouth feels dry upon seeing Jaemin, unable to come up with a simple greeting when he makes his way towards you, but he stops abruptly when Junghoon tumbles into him and apologises profusely when he steps on the back of Jaemin’s shoe, yet Jaemin pays no mind to the small accident and instead swats Junghoon away when it dawns on him that he’s trying to follow behind.

Junghoon’s mouth drops open in offence, spinning around on his heel with a scoff and disappearing into the crowd, but not before giving you a wave to which you felt obliged to return and your hand falls to your side when Jaemin brings his attention back to you.

“Hey” He greets you casually, but his brows pull together in concern as his eyes take you in, roaming your face with curiosity. “Are you okay? I’ve been trying to call you but… it kept going straight to voicemail”

“Yeah, sorry” You apologise, the guilt immediately eating you up and you struggle to look him in the eyes even when he tries so hard to meet yours. “I wasn’t feeling too great and then I had assessments from Professor Moon, I just—” You gulp. “I’ve been busy”

“Are you feeling better now?” Jaemin asks you and you nod quickly, but abruptly stop when he asks the next question, “Are you still busy now?”

“I, well…” You pause, staring down at Donghyuck’s laptop in your hands before looking back up at him. “I have to give this to Donghyuck—”

“Jeno can give it back” Jaemin tells you, not even sparing a glance at Jeno who’s been silently watching the interaction this entire time, his hands shoved deep into his jean pockets with his jaw locked. You’re unsure of what to say back, but the urge to make up a lame excuse on why you should be the one to give Donghyuck his laptop back lays on the tip of your tongue. “I want to talk to you, alone”

You’re about to decline, to follow along with your excuse until you hear the faint ‘please’ that leaves his lips when you take a second too long to answer him. It leaves you crumbling, the walls that you’ve built up fall down just from that word and the tone that was used.

You hate how weak he makes you feel and you mentally scold yourself when you hand the laptop over to Jeno who’s already staring at you, trying to communicate with you through subtle glances but you simply nod at him to tell him that everything was okay, and maybe this could be your chance to end things with Jaemin once and for all.

Jeno bids you both a silent goodbye, giving one last look at Jaemin and Jaemin holds eye contact with him for a few moments before dropping his head low as he remembers the small dispute the pair had regarding himself and Eunbin—but Jaemin didn’t care about that right now, not when he finally has you here in person.

He offers his hand out for you to take and you feel a little dumb staring at it, debating in your head whether to hold it or not. You really want to hold his hand, to feel his warmth against your skin and get that comfort you’ve been yearning for, yet the guilt is quick to rise and the conversation with Eunbin comes to mind. You can’t take his hand.

But yet, you do.

Your fingers slide through his before you can even register you’re doing it and the squeeze he gives your hand is enough to pull you out of your thoughts that swarm your head. You allow him to take you wherever he wants to go to talk to you alone and the anxiety that surges through your veins at the lingering eyes of others causes you to drop your head low to avoid their stares, especially Mia’s who watches with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and her jaw clenched.

“What’s going on?” Jaemin asks the question you have been dreading and the silence that fills the empty classroom he had pulled you inside for your one-on-one talk makes you feel uncomfortable, and a little nervous.

You have no idea how to even talk to him, let alone start the conversation of ending whatever it is you both have. A friends with benefits situation, an official one. That’s all it has ever been. Your stomach twists and turns at that, refusing to make eye contact with him as you look elsewhere, focussing on a board with scribbles from its previous class.

Jaemin calls out your name softly and you almost jump when you feel the palm of his hands cup your cheeks to turn your attention on him, and your heart drops plummets in your stomach. The desperate look in his eyes, the curiosity—the worry—it makes you feel sick.

“I know you said you’ve been busy… but it kinda feels like you’ve been avoiding me” Jaemin laughs lightly despite the crushed tone, his thumbs caressing your cheekbones as his lips press together with a sigh. “Please talk to me”

“Jaemin, I—” You wanted to scream when you heard his phone shrill loudly in his pocket, ruining your chance to explain what was going on. Maybe it was a good thing you were getting interrupted, you weren’t exactly ready to end whatever you both had and truthfully, you didn’t want to.

Although you grow confused when Jaemin allows his phone to continuously ring, not bothering to check the caller ID and answer it as his attention is focused on nothing but you. You would’ve been entirely grateful if this was under a different circumstance, recalling the amount of times he’s answered the phone when you were together but you couldn’t ignore it, not with that annoying ringtone.

Slipping your hand into his jean pockets, you fish out his phone and you barely bite back a scoff when you see Eunbin’s caller ID. You’re shocked at your complete 180 in attitude, being so used to feeling guilty and ashamed when being in Jaemin’s presence with Eunbin’s name running in your mind, but now you feel annoyed��resentful even.

“You should answer it”

“I don’t want to,” Jaemin immediately says.

“It hasn’t stopped you before” You bite back before you can stop yourself, your bitter tone catching Jaemin off guard and you sigh, closing your eyes in defeat. “I’m sorry—”

“Did she say something to you?” It was your turn to be caught off guard, your eyes snapping open to stare at Jaemin who’s hands drop to his side, head tilting to the side quizzically.

Jaemin remembered his brief encounter with Jeno during the night you left, how Jeno had brought up Eunbin’s name but Jaemin was quick to shut it down, not wanting to know anything or even hear anything about his ex-girlfriend.

But he can’t help but piece two and two together: you have been acting weird since Eunbin’s welcome home party and he’s almost certain he saw you and Eunbin together before he was pushed inside of her home by others who attended the party.

Instead of answering him like he wishes you would’ve, you look down at his phone in your hands and slide your finger across the answer button, shoving his phone in his grasp with force and collecting your belongings to leave him alone once again.

A gasp flies from your lips as you feel Jaemin’s fingers wrap around your wrist and tug you back to him, and you almost trip over your own feet if it wasn’t for his tight grip to keep you steady, staring at him in complete shock as he stares back with a unreadable expression on his face.

You hear Eunbin’s voice call out his name from the speaker: asking if he’s there, asking if he can hear her and what he’s doing, but he remains silent with his attention, yet again, focused on you and it makes your heart pound loudly in your ears.

Your thoughts ramble together, unable to even come up with a clear thought to get you out of this situation. Instead, you do what you know best.

You kiss him.

You don’t know why you kissed him, you don’t really know what brought on the urge to do so but you did. With your arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers curled around the hair at the nape of his neck, chest pressed against his, you kissed him hungrily—desperately.

It’s when you feel Jaemin respond to the kiss, letting his phone drop to the ground as his hands come up to rest on your waist that you realise what you’re doing and you recoil back in shock, eyes wide as you stare between him and his phone on the ground, baffled at what you just done.

Jaemin tries to reach back out to you, to bring you back to him and to kiss you again but you refuse, muttering a small apology as you finally gather your things and leave him once again.

It’s been two weeks since Jaemin last interacted with you in the classroom.

There’s been brief moments where he encountered you with the group, but it’s obvious now when you avoid his gaze or make up some excuse to go somewhere else or that you’re busy, and Jaemin is tired.

What makes it worse is that it seems everyone else around him is knowing what's going on while he’s left alone in the dark to figure it out himself. It makes him upset, even though he’d never admit it out loud to anyone.

It makes him upset to see you avoid him so quickly, to refuse to meet up with him alone or to talk to him. He’s tried calling you, he’s tried texting you—hell, he’s even tried to talk to Haru and Miwoo who give him nothing in return but a sharp look or disappointing gaze.

He’s sick of it.

Jaemin’s not sick of you, he doesn’t think he could be ever sick of you. He’s sick of the hushed whispers he hears from the group, how they refuse to tell him what’s going on. He’s sick of the looks he gets from them whenever Eunbin makes a sudden appearance to talk to him, whether it’ll be through a phone call or in person.

He knows Eunbin’s trying to get on good terms with him, to rebuild a friendship with him while she’s back. Some part of him admires Eunbin for her efforts as Jaemin doesn’t bother giving anything back apart from some half-hearted replies or sounds of acknowledgement when she says something to him, but the other part of him is annoyed at how she can pretend that nothing ever happened and that because he forgave her for his closure, Eunbin thinks it’s fine to worm her way back into his life with his friends (who clearly hate her).

Jaemin feels conflicted. He hates awkwardness and he hates the tension, and he’s not the best when it comes to uncomfortable situations. He can, however, have his moments when it comes to other people. He doesn’t mind being confrontational if it helps the other person, but when it comes to himself he would avoid it at all costs.

He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he wants his friends to be happy and he most importantly wants you to be happy. Eunbin? He ponders her name for a moment, tongue prodding at his cheek as he stares at his blank computer screen. Eunbin is not his priority. He doesn’t really care about Eunbin’s happiness.

So why was he trying so hard to keep the peace on both ends? Jaemin grows frustrated again, trying his best to clear his thoughts as he busies himself with his computer, editing a picture he had taken of Shotaro recently but he gets distracted when he hears his phone vibrate relentlessly on his desk and he picks it up, brows pulling together as he sees the main groupchat is active.

[ 𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗨'𝗦 𝗦𝗨𝗚𝗔𝗥 𝗕𝗔𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦 — 𝗚𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗧 ]

donghyuck: sunwoos having a party tonight donghyuck: he invited all of us and said he’s got the goods covered donghyuck: i think i love him a lil

yangyang: i’m down [donghyuck hearted this message]

renjun: who the fuck changed the groupchat name.

miwoo: me❤️

renjun: change it back.

yangyang: 🗣️rare sight of renjun getting overprotective over his gf 🗣️

donghyuck: i screenshot already👍 [yangyang liked this message] [renjun disliked this message]

miwoo: haru is the only one with a big bank account tho bc she works miwoo: its fitting dont u think????

donghyuck: idkkk donghyuck: just wait until me n jeno start our onlyfans account

jeno: 🤨

yangyang: wait hyuck why not ask m e????

donghyuck: no offence but jeno would bring in the views

yangyang: you right you right

jeno: anyway jeno: im down for the party jeno: haven’t had one in a while

renjun: you had one last weekend.

yangyang: we literally hosted a party last weekend????

donghyuck: did you get so fucked up you forgot we had one last weekend???

jeno: shut up jeno: are we all going or not [yangyang, donghyuck and miwoo liked this message] jeno: what abt renjun, haru, shotaro, yn & jaemin???

miwoo: renjun goes if haru goes miwoo: and shotaro goes if renjun and haru goes [donghyuck questioned this message]

donghyuck: uh no donghyuck: shotaro goes if ME and YANG go

miwoo: idk abt that :/

shotaro: i go if you all go :)

donghyuck: i love you

haru: me and renjun can’t go tonight, we’re packing for our weekend trip

miwoo: THE FCK??? 🤨🤨🤨 miwoo: WHAT WEEKEND TRIP???? miwoo: and without me???

you: haru and renjun have planned this trip for like weeks, that’s why haru asked for more shifts at work [haru hearted this message] [renjun liked this message]

renjun: at least someone listens.

donghyuck: wait what teh fuck

miwoo: thats what im SAYING

donghyuck: what happened to group trips </3 do we not do those anymore </3

miwoo: ^ ^ ^

donghyuck: this friday is the worst friday to have ever friday [miwoo emphasised this message]

shotaro: is this our first time seeing miwoo and hyuck agree on something?? [donghyuck and miwoo disliked this message] shotaro: sorry.

yangyang: where are u guys going??

renjun: none of your business.

haru: rented out a beach house!

donghyuck: BEACH TRIPS ARE OUR THING!!!!!???

miwoo: how are me and yn going to survive without haru miwoo: i feel so lonely already </3

haru: i’ll be gone for three days…

miwoo: and??? miwoo: do u know how long that is????

yangyang: 3 days lol [miwoo disliked this message]

donghyuck: 3 days??? [miwoo disliked this message]

renjun: 3 days. [miwoo disliked this message]

miwoo: ok stfu

jeno: we’re getting side tracked. jeno: yn? jaemin? party???

you: idk you: i’ll think abt it

yangyang: thats a yes yangyang: because i’ll be dragging ur ass out

donghyuck: me too ;)

jeno: jae??

jaemin: no.

And with that, Jaemin shuts off his phone and drops it beside him on his desk, leaning back in his chair with his head in his hands, rubbing at his face in frustration as his chest tightens with an uncomfortable feeling. He hates this.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but, why are you even here right now?” Haru questions you with a quick glance over her shoulder as she restocks the vinyls, rearranging them in alphabetical order for Johnny’s liking.

She spins to face Renjun for a brief moment with a grin, holding up a vinyl with the words ‘COLOURFUL TRAUMA’ scrawled across the front in block letters and Renjun nods, opening up his little ‘misfits’ tote bag and allowing her to shove the vinyl inside for later purchase.

“Can’t I just come visit you at work?” You question back, finding offence as you frown at her. Your arms cross over your chest as you lean against a pillar, raising a brow in her direction. “Is it wrong for me to want to hang out with you?”

Renjun scoffs, “You’re so dramatic” You retaliate by throwing up your middle finger and Renjun does the same with a smile, causing Haru to give you both a pointed look, clearly unimpressed with your attitudes towards each other.

“I think you’re stalling” Haru tells you, turning back to the vinyls. “He’s not going tonight, you know. Ditch the party and actually talk to him… avoiding him isn’t going to make either of you feel better”

“I can’t bring myself to do it” You admit, staring down at your shoes in disappointment. “I don’t want to end whatever we have for my benefit… but not only do I not know how he feels about me, I have Eunbin waiting to make her move and get her second chance”

“Eunbin doesn’t deserve a second chance” Renjun says, causing you to look at him. “And honestly? I don’t think Jaemin is dumb enough to give her a second chance. At this point she’s just making a complete fool out of herself”

Your lips curl into a frown, “Doesn’t that mean technically that I’m making a complete fool out of myself too?”

Haru turns her head towards you abruptly, “What makes you say that?”

“Think about it,” You start, uncrossing your arms to count off your fingers. “I’ve fallen for him without knowing how he feels about me. I broke the most important rule we had made which, shocker, is the don't fall for each other rule. I’m practically stalling everything just so I don’t have that conversation with him and potentially lose him… I’m a fool”

“You’re just scared—”

You blink at Haru, “That makes me feel so much worse”

“It’s okay to be scared, you know” Renjun speaks this time and you’re surprised by his soft and caring tone, eyes wide as you look over at him. Renjun rolls his eyes at your expression, “I can be nice sometimes”

“Yeah, and it’s creepy” You tell him, causing Renjun to scoff and Haru to laugh at her boyfriend, patting him on the shoulder before resuming in her work. “I know it’s okay to be scared, by the way… I just hate feeling it and I want to get rid of it. I wish I could pull an Eunbin and leave on a trip”

Haru sucks through her teeth, gently whacking you on top of the head with a vinyl. “Don’t use that writing trip as an escape”

Renjun snorts at your choice of words, “Pull an Eunbin”

“It was a joke” You tell her, rubbing the top of your head despite it not actually hurting you. “I have been thinking about it though. Professor Moon asks me about it from time to time, and I still have Mr Nakamoto’s details on a note somewhere in the bottom of my bag”

“Go on the trip if it’s something you really want, but don’t go on the trip if you’re using it as an escape route to avoid Jaemin” Haru gives you a hard look and you’re a little startled, not expecting her to give you that type of expression. “You’ll be worse than Eunbin if you do that”

Renjun spares you a quick glance, “Don’t be Eunbin”

You frown at that, the thought of becoming something like her leaving an uncomfortable feeling on your chest. You regret the joke you made moments prior about pulling an Eunbin and leaving—you’d never do something like that, that would be the last thing you’d do. Jaemin would, truthfully, be one of the first people you’d tell if you decided to go on the trip, remembering how excited he was for you when you first mentioned it to him.

You wouldn’t do that to him—you wouldn’t leave without telling him, no matter what type of situation you’re both in.

“Do you want a job or something?” The sudden but familiar voice causes you to slowly turn around on your heel, eyes zoning in on Johnny who’s standing behind you with a pudding cup in hand and a spoon in the other, staring at you with a deadpan expression as he raises his spoon to his mouth.

“What?”

“You’re here all the time.” Johnny points out, the corner of his lips subtly twitching which gives you the impression he’s teasing you. “Do you want a job or something? Help organise the shelves? Be my assistant?”

“Fuck off, Johnny”

“Are you really going on a trip?” Miwoo frowns, sitting on the edge of Haru’s bed as she watches her pack her final belongings for the weekend getaway.

When Haru had finished her shift this evening, she rushed home with you to pack while you had to shower and get ready for Sunwoo’s party. (Miwoo’s orders. You didn’t feel like crossing Miwoo today.)

You’re prettied up alongside Miwoo, wearing your favourite outfit along with some silver jewellery and heavy makeup that you think definitely pulls the look in all together—you praise Miwoo for her talents. And despite not wanting to go in the first place, you have to admit that you feel much better after seeing your reflection.

“Yes, I’m really going on this trip,” Haru tells her as she’s shoving some hygiene products into her bag. “Why do you keep asking me?”

“The longest I’ve been without you is five hours,” Miwoo explains. “You’re going for three days—how am I going to cope?”

Haru snorts, “Mi—”

“No, seriously. What should I do?” Miwoo deadpans. “You’re, like, my anchor. What am I going to do?”

“It’s three days” Haru repeats to her as she places a comforting hand on Miwoo’s shoulder and gives her a warm smile. “You’ll be fine… plus, you can just call me if you want”

“Everyday?”

Haru gives her a look, “Don’t push it”

“Worth a shot” Miwoo grins before she shoots up from Haru’s bed, quickly excusing herself to retrieve something for her as she dashes out of the room. You snort at her behaviour, turning your head to look at Haru who seems a little uneasy and bothered, it makes you frown.

“Can you do me a favour?” Haru asks you before you can even get the chance to question what was wrong, but you nod anyway. “Keep an eye on Miwoo”

“I mean, I will, but,” You pause, brows pulling together. “Why?”

“She spoke to me last night about some stuff—well, she hinted towards some things about herself and about Jeno. How weird and lost she feels, how different things seem to be without having Jeno there in her life as a boyfriend” Haru explains to you quietly, keeping her voice low and glancing towards her bedroom door to make sure Miwoo wasn’t returning back yet. “Don’t get me wrong, Miwoo can be independent… but I think she also depended on Jeno a lot in some weird sense. I know that people called us the trio, but—”

“It was always Jeno and Miwoo” You finish and Haru nods with a gentle hum, confirming you were right. “I’ll keep an eye on her… I’ll try and talk to her too”

Haru laughs softly, “Good luck with that, Miwoo doesn’t open up easily”

“Found it~” Miwoo sings happily from the hallway as she comes bounding back into Haru’s room, holding something in her hand.

You watch as she excitingly hands the box over to Haru who looks at it sceptical before unwrapping the pink ribbon from around the box, sliding the top off before slamming it back on with a shocked expression, eyes wide as she stares over at Miwoo who grins.

You’re curious to know what’s inside the box, fingers itching to reach out and see why Haru had caused such a reaction but before you could even get a chance to question it, Haru’s already reacting once again.

“You’re crazy. You’re insane… how did you even find this?”

“I’ve very persuasive” Miwoo’s grin widens as she settles down on the bed beside you. “Surprisingly had a little help from Sunwoo too—He knew a few people and luckily I’m good at getting what I want”

“Miwoo…” Haru whines with a pout, dropping the box on the bed and launching herself at Miwoo who happily welcomes her with open arms, squeezing her tightly to her chest with a joyful giggle as Haru embraces her while muttering gibberish under her breath.

Feeling left out, you immediately reach for the box and take a peek inside, instantly making a noise of recognition as you see the sage green mesh dress that’s been sitting in Haru’s wishlist for a few months, knowing how badly Haru was wanting the pretty dress and even saving up for it alongside her savings for her weekend vacation away with Renjun.

You immediately awe out loud, looking over at Miwoo who is beaming with happiness, wrapping her limbs awkwardly around Haru who tries to free herself this time, pinching Miwoo’s thighs in an attempt to force her to let her go and Miwoo’s reluctantly frees her when she squeezes a little too hard.

“I want to hit you for buying this but I also want to kiss you” Miwoo immediately puckers her lips as that confession but Haru places the palm over her hand over her face. “How did you have the money to buy this? Do you realise how expensive it is?”

“I told you. Sunwoo knows people and I’m good at getting what I want” Miwoo explains as she pushes Haru’s hand away. “But if you want the full details… We all know Sunwoo’s parents are rich so they’re involved with a lot of people. When I met up with him for a smoke, he told me that one of the girls he plugs for owns a family boutique. She owed him for the last ‘service’ so I asked if I could get the dress”

“I’m pretty sure this dress costs more than Sunwoo’s goods”

“I don’t know about that…” You pitch in this time, looking between Haru and Miwoo. “Sunwoo does sell some high quality shit. That’s why he’s so popular”

Miwoo clicks her fingers at you, “Exactly”

“When I come back from vacation, I hope you realise I’m paying you everything back”

“Shut up” Miwoo scoffs, shaking her head while gently glaring at Haru before her lips curl into a smile. “You can pay me back by never leaving me again” Haru gives her a blank look to which Miwoo shrugs her shoulders innocently, the smile dropping from her face. “No, I'm serious. I get separation anxiety”

Standing in Sunwoo’s kitchen with him on your one side with Miwoo on the other wasn’t exactly in your plans for this party, nor was striking up a conversation with him as he sits upon the countertop while rolling a joint expertly between his fingers, selling them to people who strolled by and shoved money in his hands.

You almost snorted when you first witnessed him alone, emoji stickers plastered across his face and glasses hanging off the bridge of his nose and you dared to ask why he was covered in such things, only prompting an actual laugh out of you when he said some girls stuck them on his face as a thank you gift for hosting a party.

But you immediately stop laughing and stare at him unimpressed as he pulls a lips emoji sticker off his cheek to put it on your own, patting the area softly with a sluggish grin before peeling a devil emoji off his glasses and pressing it in the middle of Miwoo’s forehead, causing her to drunkenly grin as she pulls out her phone to take a picture of you three.

“You know,” Sunwoo begins as he rolls another joint, taking a quick glance at you. “As much as I love you hanging out with me right now, Eric is upstairs. He’s going to come find me soon and if you still want to ignore him, now’s your best chance to go find your friends”

“Thanks for the heads up” You tell him appreciatively, shocked that he’s even letting you know about Eric’s whereabouts. You look over at Miwoo, “I’m gonna go find Shotaro—”

“I think you should talk to him though”

Your head snaps towards him, and so does Miwoo’s.

“I’m not saying you should forgive him” Sunwoo adds as he studies your face. “I’m saying you’re going to end up spending the majority of your life trying to avoid him, making things harder and awkward for yourself. Just talk to him—tell him how he made you feel, hear whatever he has to say back, decide whether he deserves forgiveness or not and get your closure”

Closure. That word leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Seeing firsthand how Jaemin’s closure has worked out between him and Eunbin, how Eunbin has easily wormed her way back into his life as if nothing happened… you don’t want to go down that path, you refuse, especially with Eric.

You can’t.

“I’ll pass” You grab your drink and leave the kitchen, pushing your way through the crowd of sweaty bodies who grind upon each other, allowing the music to take over their rhythm.

You decline when a girl from your class taps your arm to come join her and her little group, pointing to your cup to subtly tell her you want to finish your drink first and she nods, allowing you to slip by and continue on walking.

Shotaro is the first person you see and a genuine smile spreads across your lips when you see him talking with Yeji in the far corner of the room, how his cheeks bloom a slight shade of red as her hand caresses the bruise on his face, courtesy of Hyunjin’s punch.

(You even fight the urge to awe out loud when she leans over to kiss it.)

Not wanting to interrupt their moment, you venture out to find Donghyuck or Yangyang instead, maybe even Jeno if you’re lucky. But, much to your dismay, you can’t find them anywhere and you feel a little silly being left alone.

You’re starting to miss Haru and Renjun, maybe even Jaemin too.

You exhale deeply and tug your phone out of your pocket as you make your way out to the backyard, eyeing the couples that kiss in the pool and others who cannonball in, three drunk guys sitting on the sidelines scoring them.

Sitting yourself down on an empty garden chair, you sip your beer as you scroll through your phone, hearting Haru and Renjun’s posts on Instagram as they posted that they finally arrived at their destination, leaving a small comment for them to have fun and stay safe to which she, and Renjun too (shockingly), replied back with heart emojis.

You continue to scroll mindlessly, liking other posts from mutuals and you snort when seeing an old post of Yangyang but you feel your chest tighten and your amusement drop when you see a recent post of Jaemin’s, thumb hovering over the heart button.

‘Taken with my favourite polaroid’, the caption reads and you sigh softly, pressing your lips together. It’s the polaroid you bought him, the one he hasn’t stopped using since you gifted it to him.

You’d be lying if you said that the caption didn’t affect you, leaving your heart warm and fuzzy. And you’re not sure what pushed you to do it but you tap the comment section of his post, seeing a few comments from his classmates and one that leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

Eunbin.

She left a smiley face emoji under the photo, a comment that wasn’t liked apart from the others and you begin to wonder if you should comment to, just to test if he would like yours but you figured that would be too toxic and silly, deciding to just heart the photo and continue scrolling but you pause when a notification from Jaemin comes up on your phone the second you heart it, causing your brows to follow as you tap his message.

jaemin: are u at the party?

you: yeah

jaemin: are u drunk?

you: tipsy you: i’ll be fine

jaemin: typing… jaemin: typing… jaemin: typing…

You gnaw at the nail of your thumb, watching the three bubbles on the screen as you wonder what he’s about to say next.

jaemin: stay safe jaemin: i’ll come get u if u need me

Your bottom lip starts to quiver, heart rate increasing as your emotions get the best of you, wanting to spill some tears at a simple and kind message. You shut off your phone, shoving it into your pocket as you bring the beer bottle up to your lips to chug, tears brimming in your eyes and making your vision blurry.

You do need him. You hate to admit it, but you do need him. More than ever. You don’t want to lose him, you don’t want to stop seeing him because of Eunbin wanting a second chance. Maybe you deserve to be a little selfish once in a while

But it dawns on you that you don’t exactly know how Jaemin feels.

The frustration soon starts to build inside you, realising how secretive and quiet Jaemin is about his feelings, how he doesn’t allow anyone to have a dip inside his head to know what he’s thinking of feeling in that given moment.

You hardly know anything about him, and that’s because he doesn’t let you.

“There you are” A familiar voice coos from behind you and you peer your head over your shoulder to see Yangyang stumbling towards you, eyes red with a dumb grin and you laugh as he pulls a vacant garden chair beside you to sit down, knocking his shoulder against yours. “I’ve been looking for you”

“Sorry” You mutter, staring down at the almost empty beer bottle in your hands. “I needed fresh air”

“Me too, it was stuffy in there” Yangyang agrees as he mindlessly drums his fingers on his thighs, staring out at the others in the pool. “You missing Haru and Renjun?”

You exhale deeply, “Very”

“Same” He hums, pressing his lips together as he takes a quick glance at you. “Are you missing Jaemin?”

“Just feels different without everyone here” You say, not wanting to jump into full details about how you really are missing Jaemin even if you don’t want to admit it out loud. “I like it when we’re all together”

Yangyang nods slowly to agree with you and silence falls upon you both for a while, basking in each others presence as you watch the other partygoers, some still flinging themselves into the pool or dancing on the well kept grass to the music that plays loudly from the speakers.

“You look pretty, by the way” Yangyang’s sudden compliment doesn’t surprise you, always have been used to this type of behaviour from him and you roll your eyes as you turn to face him, finally looking straight at him since he first arrived to sit with you and you notice the change in his features, how the grin he had falters into a frown. “Have you been crying?”

You scoff, feeling a little embarrassed. “No”

“Wow…” He gasps dramatically, reaching out to touch your face, his thumb wiping the tears that bubble in the corner of your eyes. “You’re pretty when you cry too? How the fuck is that fair? Hm?” His over the top acting has you struggling to keep your expression stoic. “I look ugly as fuck when I cry… What the hell?”

“Shut up” You crack, a laugh slipping past your lips as you swat his hand away. “Stop it”

“But you are,” Yangyang smiles, dropping his hand from your face to your lap, fingers skimming over your own. He nudges your shoulder gently, “I have this ugly picture of drunk Miwoo crying into a bowl of spaghetti if you want to see it? Surely that would make you feel better, right?”

“You’ve got to stop taking pictures of people drunk”

Yangyang shrugs his shoulders, “Blackmail. You all have photos of me too” He meets your eyes again, turning serious this time. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing—”

“Don’t lie to me” Yangyang cuts you off immediately and this time, he grabs your hand to lace your fingers in a comforting hold. “I know you too well, so don’t lie to me” He squeezes your hand gently. “Tell me”

And you do. You tell him everything.

Everything about Jaemin, everything about Eunbin—even everything about yourself and your feelings, and Yangyang listens to you so intently, concern and sadness written across his features as he nods along with your words.

Yangyang’s chest tightens as he listens to your problems, especially regarding Jaemin as he hears you admit how much you had fallen for him despite it being the number one rule. His heart breaks seeing how sad you are, how the tears threaten to spill again and he wishes he could help make you feel better, to see that smile on your face that he loves so much.

Love. That word makes him feel a little sick, his stomach swirling uncomfortably at the new and unusual feeling. He’s never loved anyone romantically before, that’s all new and foreign to him. He never expected himself to ever fall in love with someone, especially with how comfortable he is with hook-up culture and how normal is it for him.

Love is scary. It leaves his palms sweaty and he grimaces whenever there’s something romantic happening between him and someone else, which is why he always sets boundaries, boundaries that are not meant to be crossed.

But yet, when it comes to you, maybe love to Yangyang doesn’t sound so bad.

“There’s something I want to tell you…” Yangyang interrupts you, voice soft and timid. Once you look at him, you notice that he’s staring at the ground, refusing to meet your gaze as his fingers timidly place with your own. “It’s important. It’s been on my mind for a while and I… I just need to get it off my chest”

“Okay” You say, nodding your head with a smile despite the anxiety that buzzes through your veins at his unusualness. “What is it?”

“I…” Yangyang suddenly pauses, staring straight at you as you stare back at him, waiting for him to speak. He wants to do it, to tell you everything that he’s been feeling, to finally get it out into the open and be free of all the thoughts inside of his head.

Yangyang has always been honest with his feelings—blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t beat around the bush when being completely real with someone, so why is he hesitating when he comes to you?

He stares at you a little longer, noticing how red your ears are, how your makeup is slightly smudged from crying, how swollen and bitten your lips are from trying to conceal yourself from any more tears and sadness.

His shoulders sag slightly, exhaling through his nose in defeat as he grips your hand in his own. “I’m proud of you, I always have been. You’re strong and I admire that about you, and I just—” He feels his eyes burn, tears threatening to appear but he holds back with a harsh swallow. “I promise that everything will work out in the end. You’ll be happy… you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone, including Eunbin, ruin that for you”

Whatever you were expecting Yangyang to tell you, it definitely wasn’t that. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his words with a warmth in your chest. You feel emotional and you bite back the urge to make another fool out of yourself by crying but you’re aware of the tears that are already forming in your eyes.

“That was pretty cheesy of you” You joke, unable to hide your smile as a tear drips down your cheek. Yangyang laughs lightly and squeezes your hand once again, using his other hand to wipe the tear away and he caresses your cheek softly, and that’s when you notice the pain in his eyes.

“I love you” He whispers to you so gently that you barely hear him. “You’re my best friend, and I love you”

“I love you too” You repeat back, swatting his hands away so you could lean forwards to embrace him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as his arms slide around your waist, holding you tightly to his chest with his fingers clutching the back of your dress, not wanting to let you go just yet as the tears freely spill down his cheeks, completely unbeknownst to you.

Jaemin lets out a soft grunt as he raises his arms above his head, bones cracking from the hunched over position he had held for so long over his computer, eager to finish a few photos that were left untouched in his folder, using at as an excuse to get his mind off of everything that was going on.

He keeps glancing over at his phone, wondering if you would take him up on his offer to help you if you need it, but his mood defleats more and more when it buzzes and your name doesn’t show up on the screen.

It’s Eunbin’s name that does, asking him if he went to Sunwoo’s party and if he would like to hang out if he didn’t go, wondering if they wanted to go for beers somewhere else or even get a bite to eat.

He ignored every single one, he wasn’t in the mood to do anything but work on his photos and he sure as hell wasn’t in the mood to be around drunk people, apart from you.

Jaemin sighs as he reaches for his phone, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he opens up your chat to see that you’ve left him on read, his fingers tapping anxiously against the sides of his phone.

He wonders if you’ll take him up on his offer if you need someone to come get you and he contemplates on sending another text just to let you know that he was serious about coming to get you if needed, or texting to see if you were still tipsy or getting sober.

But he decides against it when his phone pings again with another notification from Eunbin and he locks his phone, throwing it back on the desk as he runs his fingers through his hair with a frustrated sigh, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he stares at the computer screen.

Jaemin returns back to his work without another thought, wanting to focus on his main priority of getting this photo done until he hears the front door slam downstairs and his fingers hover above his mouse, listening intently to the sound of someone cursing under their breath as they trip and stumble up the staircase, heading towards the bedrooms.

He believes it’s Jeno at first, knowing how he likes to go straight up to his room after indulging himself in a few beers and shots, and fall asleep to wake up early in the morning and workout the hangover away.

But he’s surprised when the door to his own bedroom is forced open to see Yangyang standing in the hallway, swaying side to side slightly with a beer bottle in hand. He leans against the door frame to take a sip of the concoction, eyeing Jaemin who stares back unamused.

“What have you done?” Yangyang suddenly asks him and Jaemin is slightly taken back by the question, but he doesn’t show it, opting to just glare at him and he takes note of how glossy his eyes are. It makes Jaemin’s brows furrow when he realises he must’ve been crying and Jaemin bites back the urge to ask him what’s wrong. “I said, what have you done?”

“What are you talking about?” Jaemin mutters with a roll of his eyes, turning his attention back to his computer as he shakes his head. “Get out of my room if you’re going to talk about something stupid. I don’t want to hear it—”

Jaemin’s cut off by Yangyang’s dry chuckle, making him sound a little crazy. “She’s upset, you know. The last time I saw her that upset was when the Eric bullshit happened… So, what have you done?”

Jaemin’s chest tightens at the thought of you being upset, but he can’t help but frown in annoyance as he looks back at Yangyang. “What makes you think I did something wrong? She’s the one that’s been actively ignoring me this entire time, I’ve tried to get her attention and she leaves. I call her, she ignores me. I message her and she either leaves me on read or gives me blunt replies. I’m trying, Yang”

“So you think you did nothing wrong?”

“No, I just—fuck—I don’t know what I—” Jaemin’s words die down in the back of his throat when he notices Yangyang staggering towards him, feeling slightly uncomfortable and intimidated with the way he’s being looked at by him.

Never in his years of knowing Yangyang would he think he would come across as intimidating, or scary for that matter, but with Yangyang standing in front of Jaemin with his face a little too close for his liking, Jaemin has never been so uncomfortable and nervous around Yangyang in his life.

Yangyang’s hazy eyes dance over Jaemin’s face, a halfhearted laugh slipping past his lips, the stench of alcohol and weed hitting Jaemin’s nose which makes him grimace. Yangyang’s eyes swirl with anger, sadness and regret, but it doesn’t stop him from slowly raising his hand to pet Jaemin’s blonde head of hair, not even sympathetically, Yangyang was hurting him a little with his rough touch.

“Talk to Eunbin” Yangyang tells him, dropping his hand from his head to grab his phone and shove it into Jaemin’s hands.

Jaemin’s eyes narrow in on Yangyang, “What?”

“Talk to your ex-girlfriend and ask her about the conversation she had with Y/N” Yangyang knows he shouldn’t have said what he said, having promised you that he wouldn’t tell Jaemin about what happened between Eunbin and you. But he couldn’t stand back and continue watching you get hurt anymore, not when he cares about you so much. “Maybe it’ll finally knock some fucking sense into your head”

Jaemin watches wordlessly as Yangyang leaves his room, slamming the door shut behind himself as he disappears into his own room and Jaemin’s attention drops to the phone in his hands, brows pulled together in confusion at Yangyang’s demands.

But surprisingly, it doesn’t stop him from unlocking his phone to bring up Eunbin and his chat, ignoring the multiple messages she had left behind as his thumbs tap the screen, tongue prodding at his inner cheek as he presses sent.

jaemin: i want to talk to u

“Hi” Eunbin greets him with a pretty smile the next morning, gesturing to the empty seat opposite her in the Dreamies Café and Jaemin slumps down in the seat, staring across the table at Eunbin blankly. “I’m sorry about last night. I completely drank too much and sent a whole bunch of embarrassing messages to you, and then I passed out. I’m really sorry”

He wasn’t exactly thrilled about having to wait an entire night to talk to Eunbin due to the previous conversation he had with Yangyang, how questions repeatedly circled in his head and how he was desperate for answers.

It seemed that your unusual actions were because of the conversation you had with Eunbin, as he tried to ask you before in the classroom, and last night it dawned on him after his brief encounter with Yangyang how serious it must’ve been.

Jaemin just wants to get to the bottom of this.

“I bought you an iced americano, by the way” Eunbin speaks up once again, sliding the plastic cup over the table towards him with another smile. “Extra shot, just how you like it”

“Thanks” He says as his fingers curl around the cup, not in the mood to drink as his other hand fiddles with the green straw, swirling the ice around the drink.

“So,” She leans her elbows on the table, eyes sparkling. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Your conversation with Y/N at your welcoming party” Jaemin immediately answers and Eunbin’s face drops. He eyes her for a few seconds, watching how she uncomfortably shifts in her seat as she sits up straight. “What was it about?”

“Jaemin, I—”

“Don’t lie” His sharp tone surprises Eunbin. “I can’t handle being lied to right now”

“We were just talking about me,” Eunbin says softly as she fiddles with the rings that decorate her fingers, twisting the ring that should belong to him on her middle finger. He glances down at it, the pretty black gemstone taunting him and he snaps his attention back to her. “We talked about me in New York, how stupid I was for doing what I did and leaving you behind”

Jaemin fights the urge to roll his eyes, “Anything else?”

“We talked about you—your friends with benefits situation” That seems to grab Jaemin’s interest and he perks up, leaning on the table to listen closely. “I asked her what was really going on between you both and she told me the truth”

“She did?” He questions, his voice quiet this time, almost like a whisper. “What did she say?”

“That you two are just fucking”

Jaemin doesn’t know why, but his heart crumbles and a pain settles in his chest at that, throat tightening and feeling heavy, making it hard for him to swallow. He’s unable to form words or even process a thought, struggling to solve what he’s actually feeling right now.

His lips press together tightly, leaning back in his chair as he looks out of the window, trying to steady his breathing as it seems to get faster and heavier, knowing that he’s about to panic.

“Jaemin?” Eunbin calls out his name softly to grab his attention and he gives a short hum, letting her know that he’s listening. “Do you like her?”

“It doesn’t matter” He’s quick to say, this time grabbing his drink and taking a sip so he doesn’t have to talk anymore.

Eunbin watches him carefully and the guilt eats her away, a frown making its way onto her face and she realises exactly what’s going on. A wave of sadness consumes her, but it doesn’t overpower the absolute regret she’s feeling and she lets out a shaky breath, “Jaemin, this is my fault”

His eyes immediately dart towards her as he pulls the straw from between his lips, “What do you mean?”

“When I asked her about your situation, she didn’t give me an answer straight away… She only gave me an answer after explaining why I came back home and when I asked her to do something for me,” Eunbin begins, nervously staring down at her hands to avoid Jaemin’s deep gaze. “I told her I wanted a second chance with you and I asked her if she could stop being friends with benefits to see if I can get that second chance…”

Jaemin sits in silence.

“I wanted to show you how much I’ve changed and how much you mean to me” Eunbin explains as she reaches over to grab Jaemin’s hand, gripping his fingers tightly. “Even after everything that happened between us, I still cared for you—still loved you. I wasn’t ready to give that up. I wanted to be selfish and you know first hand that I’m the type of person that will fight for what I want, and I want you… Can you blame me for that?”

Eunbin’s honesty baffles Jaemin to the core, his eyes widening at her every word and he listens to her excuses. She has tears in her eyes, filled with desperation and forgiveness but Jaemin doesn’t see himself giving her what she wants, not with the pent up rage and frustration that fills him.

It had been her after all this time. Eunbin was the one that had been pulling you away from him, making demanding requests as it seems. It makes him feel sick to his stomach, knowing that all your sadness had been not only because of him, but because of Eunbin too.

Jaemin knows deep down that he hasn’t been the most innocent or helpful in this situation. He was the one that allowed Eunbin back into his life, allowing her the possibility of friendship just to keep the peace with himself. But he hurt you in the process. He hurt the one person he cares about the most.

“Jaemin?” Eunbin calls out his name once more, feeling uneasy with how he hasn’t said a word since she confessed. “Please say something”

“You…” Jaemin finally speaks up, tone a little too calm for Eunbin’s liking and she watches with wary eyes, nervously biting down on her bottom lip as the tears threaten to fall. Jaemin dryly chuckles with a shake of his head, his tongue prodding at his cheek in pure anger. “You are pathetic”

Eunbin stills, “Wh—”

“I told you. The second you showed up at my door after your trip, I told you how badly you screwed me over. I told you how shitty you made me feel,” He pauses, a laugh of disbelief slipping past his lips as he smiles. “And you think I would still give you a second chance?”

“Everyone deserves a second chance—”

“But I didn’t want to give it to you” Jaemin cuts her off, causing Eunbin to blink at him in surprise. “I spent months trying to move on from you and I was scared it wasn’t going to work, but when you came home that day and you visited me, I realised how I already did. I felt shocked seeing you, obviously, I didn’t expect you to come home. But there wasn’t a slightest part of me that was still in love with you, willing to give you another chance… it was gone”

Eunbin sucks in a deep breath, “Then what about us hanging out together after it? Did that mean nothing?”

“I was willing to give you a friendship for my selfish reasons,” Jaemin nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders. “I hate drama, especially when I’m in the middle of it. I try to avoid it as much as possible and I thought I was keeping the peace by giving you a chance for friendship… but I realised now how my selfish ways actually hurt everyone else I care about in the process. My friends don’t like you, they’re angry at you, angry at what you did and I put a weight on their shoulders in having you around all because I wanted myself to feel fine”

It’s Eunbin’s turn to be silent now, looking across the table at Jaemin in disbelief at his words.

“I got my closure with you, Eunbin. I shouldn’t have kept you around after that” Jaemin admits and suddenly, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of Jaemin’s chest and he can finally breathe, air flowing freely through his lungs.

He smiles to himself—a real smile, the most genuine one he’s given in the past few days and then he laughs, another real sound rumbling from his chest as he peaks with happiness, staring over at Eunbin with a beam as she stares back at him with sadness and guilt.

“Thank you, Eunbin” Jaemin suddenly thanks her and she looks at him confused, watching as he stands up from the table. “Thank you for helping me come to my senses”

“Wait, where are you going?” She asks him, abruptly standing up from her own chair, causing it to scrape against the ground and customers stare over at the table in curiosity.

Jaemin smiles again, shoving his hands inside his pockets. “I’m gonna go make things right”

“I miss Haru” Miwoo pouts over breakfast, stabbing her fork into her plate of scrambled eggs as she scrolls through Instagram on her phone, her pouting quickly disappearing and replaced with a look of awe as she angles the screen towards her. “She looks so pretty”

“The one she posted last night was pretty too” You add with a smile, staring at the photo. “I’m glad she’s having fun. She deserved the break”

“I wish she shoved me in her suitcase” Miwoo mumbles, pulling the phone back from you. “I would love to be anywhere but here right now”

“You and me both” You can’t help but mutter, spooning your cereal and bringing it up to your mouth for a bite, chewing softly before swallowing. “Are you okay? I mean, generally, are you okay?”

“I’m fine” She hums with a simple nod. “I think I’m fine”

“You think?”

Miwoo frowns this time, seemingly worried. “Am I not supposed to feel fine or something?”

“No, no, it’s not that” You shake your head, giving her a reassuring smile. “It’s just that I was talking to Haru before she left and she mentioned that you said some things to her, about you and Jeno” The realisation seems to hit her as her eyes widen slightly and you’re quick to reassure her once again. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but I just want you to know that I’m here to listen to you and if you want to talk about anything, then—”

“I’m not fine” Miwoo cuts you off, voice vulnerable and honest which immediately surprises you, but you hide your shock as you nod your head slowly, wanting her to continue at her own pace. “Physically, I’m fine… but mentally, I’m not and I don’t like the feeling”

You dare to ask, “Is it about Jeno?”

“Kind of, yeah” She nods, refusing to meet your gaze as she plays with her breakfast. “I don’t know if it’s because it's my first but breakups are hard… and, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’m struggling without Jeno. I don’t want to be with him anymore, because I know it’s not good for the both of us. It’s unhealthy, our relationship… but I feel so lost without him. I don’t really know what to do with myself”

“Miwoo…” You frown, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder and she sighs, reaching up to grab your hand to hold it tightly in her grasp. You squeeze her hand, allowing her to have her moment as you both sit in silence, watching her facial expressions.

“He was my person. And even though we fought and bickered sometimes, the happy moments completely outweigh it. Jeno made me happy and now I just feel miserable” Miwoo sighs softly, chewing down on her bottom lip. “I miss being with him in a way where we joked around a lot, how we teased each other and just hung out… excluding the sex”

“Maybe you should talk to him?” You suggest, causing her to snap her attention towards you. “He’s still your friend, Miwoo. You’re both still in the group. You haven’t lost him since you broke up… he’s still there, he’ll always be there for you”

Miwoo pulls a face, “But he doesn’t talk to me that much”

“You don’t talk to him that much either. Communication is key”

Miwoo shifts in her chair to face you as she deadpans, “Funny how you give great advice but you can’t take it yourself”

“Hey” You point your fork warningly at her. “Stop turning everything on me”

“Just saying” Miwoo giggles, gently pushing your fork away from her as she sighs. “We’re a couple of girls who struggle to communicate… kinda love that for us”

“You’re insane” You snort, dropping your fork to grab your coffee and take a sip, humming at the taste. “I still think you should talk to him”

“I’ll talk to him if you talk to Jaemin” Miwoo grins at you. “I think it’s a pretty decent deal, don’t you?”

“No”

Miwoo groans as you stand up from the kitchen table, offering to clean up the dishes since she was the one that made breakfast. You hear her mumbling to herself behind you but you pay no mind, filling the sink with hot soapy water to wash the dishes and utensils, allowing yourself to think over her deal.

You would like to talk to Jaemin, somewhat. It could solve a lot of your problems, finally being able to put your real feelings towards him and lay everything out on the table. But it’s the fear of rejection that sits heavy in the back of your mind that stops you from doing anything of the sort.

So, breaking everything off with Jaemin does seem like the right thing to do, even if it leaves you miserable.

It doesn’t take you long to finish washing the dishes, drying your hands on a paper towel and excusing yourself to go to your room but you pause midway when you hear a knock on the door, peering your head over your shoulder at Miwoo as she announces that she’ll go see who it is.

You nod, but you remain still, watching as Miwoo’s figure stands at the door and looks through the peephole and the sound she makes causes you to give her a confused expression, feeling even more confused and curious when she slowly turns around with a knowing smirk on her face.

“It’s for you”

“For me?”

“Yep” She nods with a grin, pulling her phone out of her sweatpants pocket. “I think I’m going to have that talk with Jeno now”

It takes you a moment to realise what she means, your face dropping as it dawns on you, “Miwoo…”

“You got this” Miwoo reassures you as she walks on over, wrapping you up in a warm and comforting hug but your arms lay limp at your sides, unsure of what to do. “Just be honest, okay? Don’t hold back and don’t do anything stupid… communication is key, remember?”

“I can’t believe you’re using my own words against me” You mumble under your breath in disbelief and Miwoo laughs loudly, pressing her lips against your cheek in a sloppy kiss before releasing you, making her way back to the front door and yanking it open.

From her previous statement, you knew Jaemin was standing on the other side. But seeing his face in person, seeing him just a few metres in front of you, your heart thumps wildly in your chest and your palms become sweaty.

Miwoo’s greeting towards Jaemin is brief, a quick ‘hello’ with a hard look as she leaves the apartment, but not before turning around before Jaemin’s back and giving you a thumbs up, something you force yourself to bite back a curse at as you watch her disappear, leaving you and Jaemin alone for the first time in awhile.

“Can I come in?” He’s the first to break the silence, asking you in such a hopeful tone that it makes your throat tighten in panic, feeling like you’re going to be sick as your head starts to swirl so fast you’re afraid you’re going to get dizzy and faint. Jaemin takes a hesitant step forward as he sees the difference in your expression, “Are you—”

“What do you want?” You force yourself to ask, swallowing the lump in your throat and breathing steadily through your nose. You didn’t mean to sound so rude towards him and you regret it the second you see his face drop. “Just—what are you doing here?”

“I want to talk to you” He says, eyes roaming your face with his brows furrowing. “We need to talk, face to face”

You straighten your back, “What is there to talk about?”

The corner of Jaemin’s lips twitch up subtly, “I think you know what we need to talk about”

You mentally pick a fight with yourself as you nod and tell him to come in, watching as he steps inside the apartment and closes the door behind himself. You bring him over to the living room but neither of you sit, continuing to eye each other to see who cracks first and you feel the annoyance bubbling in your veins, biting down on your inner cheek as you cross your arms over your chest.

Unfortunately, it’s you who breaks first.

“Why did you start this friends with benefits situation with me in the first place?” You find yourself asking first, tone slightly harsh and Jaemin blinks at you in surprise, not expecting that to be the first thing you’d ask. You stand your ground this time. “Why, Jaemin?”

His eyes lock on yours. He makes you feel small. You hate it. “You know why”

You let out a dry laugh, “Do I?”

Jaemin shakes his head, “This isn’t what I wanted us to talk about—”

“I want to talk about it” Your finger pokes at your chest. “I want to know. I need to know”

“We started this friends with benefits situation because we missed sex. We told each other at the beginning of it all that we missed sex but didn’t want a relationship to come with it. That’s all it was, you know that” The serious tone Jaemin uses makes you feel sick once again and you couldn’t even bear to look at him, instead finding interest in something in the corner of the room, teeth biting harder down on your cheek to stop the emotions from letting loose. Jaemin’s shoulders sag as he sighs, “Can you please just look at me?”

“I don’t want to” You know you sound childish, especially with how your voice sounds and your stubbornness, but you didn’t really want to look at him, not when you’re on the verge of tears.

Jaemin exhales deeply and you hear him drag his feet across the floorboards, heading straight towards you and you take a step back but Jaemin’s too quick, already standing in front of you with his cold hands coming up to cup your face, forcing you to look at him.

“I—”

“I refuse to believe it, you know” You blurt suddenly, eyes brimming with tears that burn. “I just—I can’t believe it. Not after everything we’ve practically been through together. You believe that this was just sex? That the months we spent together, we were just two friends having sex? To fill that empty void?”

“Wait, I—”

“Do you realise that you were the one that broke the rules we had first? The rules that were supposed to keep us grounded? To not let us stray down that path of feelings? You broke two of those rules in the first week we got into this and now you’re here? Telling me that sex was all it was?”

“Baby, you’re not—”

You cut him off immediately. “Enough with that fucking name”

“Y/N—”

“You left me confused, Jaemin” You’re refusing to let him talk now but you can’t help it, your emotions and your feelings getting the complete best of you. You can’t stop yourself. “I loved what we had, it was fun, but you left me so confused. You would do things and you would say things that can be interpreted into something completely different. Then the exclusive shit happened and even though it was something I agreed to, it shouldn’t have happened. We went too far”

Jaemin’s hands slowly drop from your face as a frown slips across his, “Do you regret becoming exclusive with me?”

“Sometimes” You admit, causing him to frown deeper and you notice the look of hurt that flashes in his eyes. “This type of situation always gets messy if ‘official’ or ‘exclusive’ titles are added to it. That’s why people set boundaries, rules. But they were constantly being broken by the littlest of things you did… But don’t worry, it was me who ended up being the biggest fool out of the two of us, right?”

“What do you mean?”

You laugh half-heartedly, shaking your head. “It doesn’t matter if you broke the first two rules, Jaemin. I was the idiot that broke the biggest one of all”

Jaemin stares at you now, eyes wide as he repeats with a whisper, “What do you mean?”

“Rule number three, genius” You snort out a laugh. You’re aware of how much of a lunatic you must look right now, laughing with tears sliding down your cheeks, but you can’t bring yourself to care as the emotions you’ve been trying to conceal come slipping through the cracks. “Rule number three was no feelings involved… No. Falling. In. Love”

Jaemin’s unable to gather the right words to vocalise how he’s feeling, opting to just continue staring at you which makes you scoff, shaking your head in disbelief.

The weight of the subtle confession has been lifted off of your chest, but with how he’s staring at you silently is making you feel worse. You don’t know if you want the ground to swallow you whole or if you want to kick Jaemin out of your apartment, to shut the door in his face and forget everything that just happened, but you know that’s not going to happen.

So, you decide to keep going. To bite the bullet. To tell him everything.

“I’ve always had some sort of feeling towards you, but I realised I fell for you when Eunbin came back. How jealous and uneasy I felt when she was around or if you were with her. I tried to make excuses for it, but every kiss you gave me—every touch—I realised that I was far too fucking deep and some stupid part of me believed for the smallest moment, you might’ve felt the same way… but nothing changed. Nothing was said. You were still acting as you always did… closed off and unreadable”

Jaemin hangs his head low in shame. He knows well enough he’s closed off and unreadable, having become the type of person that hides his emotions and feelings towards anything and everything. He feels shame for hurting you with it all, not realising the effect it could leave on you and he sighs, an apology resting on the tip of his tongue and he goes to give it to you, but you start talking again.

“Truthfully, I don’t know anything about you” You tell him, rubbing the tears off of your cheeks. “You constantly have these walls built up around you and you refuse to let anyone in… Not only that, but you refuse to show anyone your feelings. Yet again, it leaves me fucking confused. You confused me and I can’t stand not knowing anything about you, your feelings, your—”

“I appreciate the things I love” Jaemin cuts you off suddenly, causing the words to die down at the back of your throat as you stare at him in surprise. “I appreciate my family for everything they have given me. I appreciate my friends for making memories I’ll never forget. I appreciate my camera for capturing the prettiest pictures for me to see whenever I feel sad. I appreciate sunsets because the colours are warm and comforting. I appreciate coffee because it gets me through the day when I’m exhausted. I appreciate the quietness because sometimes it eases me and allows me to think clearly”

You notice how Jaemin’s breathing gets heavier and you take a cautious step forward, eyeing him as he seems like he’s starting to panic. “Jaemin…”

“And I fucking appreciate you”

You freeze. You can’t move. You can’t breathe.

The words repeat in your head, the meaning of it all, the rawness in his tone. You’ve heard it before, he’s said it to you twice already but you never knew the actual meaning behind it and now, standing in front of him, hearing him say that appreciates the things he loves, it makes your heart thump.

“I’m sorry” Jaemin whispers to you quietly. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for not being honest and real with my feelings. It scares me, it has since everything with Eunbin—but I’m at fault too, I can’t put the entire blame on her. I hold myself back and I do things for selfish reasons… but I can’t keep doing that. It hurts people around me when I do and most importantly, it hurts you. I can’t handle hurting you. You mean too much to me”

He takes a few steps forward to stand close in front of you, reaching for your hands and caressing them in his own, thumbs smoothing over your knuckles before holding them in his grasp.

“Eunbin told me everything earlier, about what she asked you to do at the party” Your brows raise in shock at that, not expecting Eunbin to be the one that confesses first. “I don’t like Eunbin. I’d never give her a second chance, ever. You’re the only person that matters to me, so… don’t give up on me yet. Don’t let me go”

You can’t help but give him a teary smile, laughing softly as you squeeze his hands, the warmth in your chest spreading, “You still want to continue as exclusive fuck buddies?”

“God, no” Jaemin laughs at that, noticing your teasing tone before he smiles gently at you. “I want to be your boyfriend”

“My boyfriend?” You grow shy, feeling a little flustered and Jaemin’s grin widens at your reaction, leaning forwards to press a soft kiss to your forehead, trailing his lips down to your cheeks and placing a few kisses there. He reaches your nose next, leaving another soft kiss on the tip before his lips brush over your own.

“I’m ready to be your boyfriend if you’re ready to have one” He whispers against your lips and you nod, wanting to close the gap between you both but Jaemin leans back slightly, shaking his head. “Ask me first. I want to hear you say it”

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Yeah” Jaemin grins happily with a nod, letting go of your hands to cup your cheeks. “Yeah, I’ll be your boyfriend”

He presses his lips to yours gently and you kiss back almost instantly, lips moving slowly against one another as you melt in his touch, your own hands coming up to rest on the nape of his neck, threading his hair through your fingers.

The kiss turns feverish in seconds, a clash of tongue and teeth, a little nibbling and groping, and you break the contact to let out a surprised yelp when Jaemin bends down to grip the back of your thighs, hoisting you up in the air and you wrap your legs around his hips so you don’t fall.

He laughs, face muffled in your chest as he blindly carries you to your bedroom, a trip he knows awfully too well that he doesn’t make any mistakes or falls even when he’s unable to see the view.

He closes your bedroom door behind himself with a simple kick of his foot before he drops you on the bed, his own body falling above yours and you laugh as he huffs, shuffling his way between your thighs with a grin.

You expected him to kiss you again, to leave you breathless and wanting him but you’re surprised when Jaemin does nothing but caress your face softly, stroking your cheek and tracing the outline of your lips with his thumb.

He’s smiling so gently at you that it makes your heart flutter, the look in his eyes causing you to shy away and look elsewhere but your attention is soon back on him when he whispers your name, leaning down to finally reconnect your lips and you immediately reciprocate, pouring all of your affection and want into the kiss as you lips move against his while your hands fist at his shirt.

Jaemin’s the first to take off his shirt and you follow shortly behind, pulling it over your head and dropping it mindlessly to the floor as Jaemin attaches his lips to your bare chest, leaving light, feathery kisses over your skin and you arch your back with a gasp, watching as he trails over your breast and down your stomach.

His touch is so oddly loving and caring it feels a little foreign, but your chest warms at the thought of him taking his time with you, cherishing this moment and drinking in every part of you.

Jaemin hooks his fingers beneath your sleep shorts and pulls them down your legs along with your panties, and you squirm at the cold air that hits, knees knocking against his side but he pays no mind, deciding to lay on his stomach between your legs.

The sight of him staring at you from his position makes you feel shy, but the arousal builds up inside of you and you lift your hips to coax him into touching you, tasting you and you clench around nothing when he leans in, expecting to feel his lips or even tongue but you whine when you feel him press open mouth kisses across your inner thighs.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” You dare to ask, leaning up on your elbows to look down at him.

He smiles, eyebrow twitching suggestively. “Just taking my time with you, baby”

Without warning, you feel his tongue slowly lap over your slit and you gasp, falling back against the bed as the tip wiggles between your folds before flicking over your clit, causing your hands to fly down to his hair and grip at the roots to ground yourself.

Jaemin seems to be enjoying the moment, moaning in your pussy and he messily slurps you up, sucking on your clit with the right amount of suction that has your body feeling electrified, a cry falling past your lips at the pleasure that swirls in the pit of your tummy.

You start roll your hips against his face, tightening your hold on his hair and Jaemin groans, the vibration on your pussy inching you closer and closer to your orgasm, and Jaemin takes it upon himself to hook one hand under your knee to push it up at an angle that helps him burying himself further in between your legs, mouthing at all the right places.

“Fuck” You curse loudly with a moan, unable to control your sounds as your orgasm builds up faster, the band in your tummy tonighting as your pussy clenches around the tip of his tongue that dips inside of you, the pressure and pleasure becoming too much for you to handle that the band snaps as you cum on his tongue.

“Good girl” Jaemin praises you softly, lapping you up eagerly as he helps ride out your orgasm, grinning as he feels your thighs tremble.

You struggle to catch your breath, dry panting as you arch your hips away from his mouth and Jaemin’s chest rumbles with a laugh, letting go of your thigh as it drops limply to the bed as he crawls up your body to kiss your lips.

You taste yourself on his tongue and you moan, returning the kiss and sucking on his tongue to which he responds by rutting his hips into yours, confined cock pressing against your inner thigh.

“Take them off” You whisper into the kiss, hands grabbing at his jeans. “Please...take them off”

“Okay” Jaemin hums, tongue intertwining with yours as his own hands reach down to pop the buttons on his jeans, awkwardly shoving them down his legs along with his boxer briefs before kicking them off to the side.

You dip your hand down between your bodies to wrap your fingers around his cock, causing him to groan between the kiss as you pump him leisurely, feeling intoxicated with the way he pants against your lips, mouth agape as his breathing gets heavier and heavier with each tug of your hand.

You guide him to your entrance, coating his cock with your arousal as you slide the tip through your folds and Jaemin deeply exhales, pressing his lips together and he cranes his head down to see you position his cock and you awaiting hole, and he pushes his hips forwards, breaching your entrance.

A strangled moan leaves your lips, having nothing of that significant size been up there in a while and Jaemin coos softly, taking your hand in his own to give it a gentle, reassuring squeeze as you both watch where you’re connected.

He sinks into you deeper as he kisses you, rolling his hips to thrust slowly, allowing your legs to wind around his waist and he brings your interlocked hands above your head, pushing them into the pillow as he gets comfortable above you.

This kiss is needy and affectionate, and each fluid roll of his hips has you seeing stars behind your closed lids, unable to control the sounds that leave your lips and Jaemin’s the same, cursing and grunting every time he bottoms out inside and you squeeze around him in return.

Your grip on his hand tightens as your stomach knots, breaking the kiss to allow yourself to breathe when you begin to struggle for oxygen, staring up at him in bliss and he’s smiling down back at you, eyes dazed and lids fluttering with every roll of his hips.

But he buries his face into the crevice of your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses on your skin as the pace of his thrusts start to quicken, the wet noises of your pussy sucking in his cock fills the room along with your shameless noises of pleasure, and your free hand reaches up to grab the back of his head, threading your fingers through the roots as you nip at his shoulders.

“I’m gonna cum” You pant heavily as you feel yourself tinkering towards your second orgasm of the night.

“Me too, baby” He mumbles, groaning as your walls clamp around his cock. “Fuck, me too”

Your hand tightens around his as you reach your climax, whining as your legs tremble around his hips as the knot in your stomach loosens, cumming all over his cock. The feeling of your walls gripping him like a vice triggers his own climax and he’s moaning into your neck, releasing with long spurts that paint your insides and you gasp at the feeling of him filling you up, the warmth spreading.

He stays above you for quite some time, basking in each other's presence and collecting your breath, staring at one another with giddy smiles which causes you both to laugh.

You love being with him like this, holding him in your embrace and seeing the happiness written across his face, the love and adoration that swirls in his eyes when he looks down at you and even though it makes you feel shy, you can’t help but get addicted to it. It’s something you want to see all the time. He looks so beautiful.

“Hey…” You say softly and Jaemin hums to let you know you’ve got his attention, leaning into your palm when you rest it on his cheek. “I appreciate you”

His eyes widen a little at your words, but the smile gets bigger on his lips and he turns his head to the side to gently kiss your palm before looking back at you, honesty and tenderness within his tone as he says back, “I appreciate you too”

➤𝗘𝗣𝗜𝗟𝗢𝗚𝗨𝗘.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!” Miwoo screams as Donghyuck takes her by the arms and Yangyang by her legs as they both carry her towards the shore, threatening to throw her into the sea for her teasing jokes towards them both, neither of them backing down as they step into the water.

You laugh as you watch the scene play out, bringing the bottle up to your lips to take a sip as you rest back into Jaemin’s chest who sits behind you, his arms winding around your waist and kissing your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder, watching the trio along with you.

Haru and Renjun sit on the beach blanket beside you both, his arm thrown around her shoulder and she resting into his side, mindlessly playing with his fingers as they speak quietly to themselves about something you can’t make out.

Jeno and Shotaro are sat on the other end of the beach blanket, the former getting up to join in with the trio while the latter stays seated, capturing pictures of the chaotic moment while laughing loudly, causing you and the others to laugh along.

The foursome arrive back to the group and Miwoo flops down beside Haru, grinning happily as the others take a seat too and she grabs her beer, raising it up in the air.

“I’d like to make a very dramatic speech and if none of you are crying by the end of it, I will drown you in the sea”

“Oh here we go” Renjun groans, but the smile on his face shows how much he’s teasing.

“I just want to say that I’m proud of us. We’ve come a long way since the beginning and I’m happy we’re still here together… I don’t think I would’ve been able to become the person I am today without you guys by my side”

Donghyuck starts to playfully fake gag and Miwoo huffs, throwing her middle finger up at him and he begins to smile, returning her insult with some heart hands.

“She’s right,” Shotaro agrees, raising his own bottle and Miwoo grins. “I get happy being with you guys. I wouldn’t want it any other way”

“Shotaro” Donghyuck coos as he reaches out to pinch Shotaro’s cheeks and Yangyang throws himself at him, the pair tumbling back into the sand as they laugh.

“Also,” Miwoo starts up again, looking over at you this time. “I want to congratulate you on signing up for the writers trip you’ve been holding off for so long. You deserve to explore and write about all the places you see”

“Stop…” You chuckle, a little embarrassed under the attention and you feel Jaemin’s chest vibrate behind you as he laughs, pulling you closer to him and intertwining your hands, soothing his thumb over your knuckle. “I’m excited to go, but I’m sad to be leaving you guys”

“You’re acting like you’ll be gone forever” Yangyang says as he nudges your leg with a smile. “You’re only going for a few months”

“I know” You sigh, “I just know I’ll miss you guys”

“We also need to congratulate Haru and Renjun for taking the next step” Jeno announces as he looks at the pair. “Congratulations on moving in together”

“Finally away from you idiots” Renjun teases as he takes a sip of his drink and Haru shoulders him softly with a laugh. “Thanks, Jen”

Shotaro turns to Miwoo worryingly, “Are you going to be okay living on your own for a while?”

“Of course!” Miwoo smiles. “Y/N’s only going to be gone for a few months and I need to learn how to be independent, rely on myself for a little while”

“You know, if you need anything, you got us” Donghyuck speaks this time with a serious tone to Miwoo and she nods.

“You always got us” Jeno chimes in this time, smiling over at Miwoo who smiles back happily and knocks her beer bottle against Jeno’s who lifts his up for a cheers and your heart warms at the two.

“The sun is setting, can I take a picture of us all together?” Jaemin asks as he points to his polaroid camera that sits on top of his backpack and the group eagerly agrees, standing up quickly and moving to stand in front of the sunset.

You and Jaemin both rise from the ground and you go to stand beside Miwoo as Jaemin sets up his polaroid to take the picture and you take this moment to appreciate everything that is going on around you, how the happy smiles on everyone's faces warms your heart.

Who would’ve thought that this was the way things would turn out after everything began? It baffles you, really.

If someone told you a few months ago you’d be in a position where you’re happily with Jaemin as your boyfriend, surrounded by a strong friendship group and an upcoming writers trip, you would’ve possibly laughed, calling them stupid and unrealistic… Yet here you are, living out this moment.

You laugh to yourself, shaking your head as you lean into Jaemin as he comes to stand beside you, winding his arm around your waist and pressing his lips to your temple lovingly as he whispers to you those three words.

You’re unable to stop the grin that spreads across your cheeks.

You guess it’s just The Way Life Goes.

A.N| and that's the final of twlg. this had, undoubtedly, been such a wild rollercoaster to make. this fic has brought me a mixture off all different emotions going between happiness and anger, but it's over. and bro. i'm emotional. thank you for all the support you have given this series, it's been incredible, i'll never forget it.

i appreciate you♡

©mrkis

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sunshobix · 2 years ago

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⤑ 9 months to fall in love 25. (epilogue)

It seems like everyone around you is either already in love, or in the process of falling, and while normally you couldn’t give a damn, finding out the co-worker you’ve had a teensy crush on is dating someone else at the office seems to sucker punch you right in the gut. It’s stupid, and you’re irritated at yourself, but you can’t seem to shake out of the funk you’ve fallen face first in.

Feeling lonely and heartsore, and mad for no reason, during drinks with your best friend you spot a man at the bar. Tequila confident, you make your way over to the stranger, and successfully one thing leads to another. The next morning you leave before he’s woken up, feeling satisfied in one way, but still as discontented as ever. Telling yourself it was an inebriated mistake, you quickly try to forget about it.

Only, three weeks later that night comes back to haunt you – in a very unescapable way…

pairing; kim seokjin x f reader au/genre; unplanned pregnancy, strangers to lovers, slow burn, romance (dare I say romcom in places), smut, angst, (melo)drama, dual pov words; 2,350

warnings/includes (!) a proposal 🥰

⟶ ao3 link

*inspired by the manhwa ‘Positively Yours.’

↪︎ series index

SEASON THREE ⇤ previous |

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sunshobix · 2 years ago

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BICKER ‖ one

Taking a trip with a group of friends and getting away from everything sounded amazing until you realized Kim Taehyung would be coming too. Not only was he your arch enemy and the most annoying person on the planet, but he also seemed to love making your life miserable.

word count: 7.1k genre: angst, enemies to lovers warnings: strong language, mature themes

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sunshobix · 3 years ago

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Onsra | Part XIII [final]

(v.) - to love for the last time; a bittersweet feeling of knowing a love won’t last

Words: 15.8K

Genre: Demon au, heavy angst, smut

Read: For previous chapters, click here: Masterlist

A/N: It’s finally coming to a close! Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy reading the last chapter of Onsra.

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sunshobix · 3 years ago

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Incoming: Elite Chatboy (pt. 5)

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4

→ pairing: sex chat worker jk x reader (feat. taehyung)

→ genre: text au (smau without the social media), smut, humor

→ scenario: welcome to Elite Chatroom, a sex chat company with a wide variety of services such as text messaging, phone call, and video chat. you signed up online for the most basic text service plan not knowing what to expect, but you certainly didn’t think you’d end up actually liking the man behind the screen.

→ warning: sexting, professional dom jungkook, teasing bratty sub reader, crack humor amidst explicit dirty talk, mutual masturbation, argument angst, jealousy, possessiveness, degradation, praise kink. mentions of: fist fucking, exhibitionism, nipple play, creampie, oral, face fucking.

→ a/n: IVE FINALLY UPDATED!!! so sorry for the wait everyone, i just wanted to be 100% happy with this chapter and now i think i am :”) a big thank you to @mercurygguk who really helped me figure things out, thank u sm cami i love our brain cell <3 the taglist is LONG and will be at the bottom of the chapter and the rest will overflow into reblogs, so if i didnt tag you or tumblr fucks it up somehow i apologize!! enjoy reading <3

→ ***IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ THE DETAILS OF ELITE CHATROOM’S AUTOMATED MESSAGES TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THE LOGISTICS OF THIS CHAPTER***

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sunshobix · 3 years ago

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MASTERLIST

most of these stories are nsfw with graphic descriptions of sexual acts, so you have to be 18+ to read this.

don’t repost/translate/use my stories without my permission since my content is copyrighted under the following license:

if you enjoy reading my stories, please consider supporting me using buymeacoffee as i am trying to turn writing into a job. thank you! :)

⤑ ⚥ —smut | ♡ —fluff, romance | ☁ —angst

⤑ O T 7

BTS as Kinks

BTS as Friends with Benefits

Milestone Celebration Drabbles

⤑ T A E H Y U N G

Nude – one | two | three | four | five [complete]

» You accidentally send a nude to Taehyung, a fuckboy you definitely shouldn’t have been thinking about, despite already kissing him. The fact that he’s your roommate’s best friend doesn’t help your situation at all. (⚥, ☁)

Enemy masterpost [+Hoseok]

» When your fuckbuddy Hoseok becomes too busy to keep your thing going, Taehyung volunteers to fill the spot. (⚥)

» Taking a trip with a group of friends and getting away from everything sounded amazing until you realized Kim Taehyung would be coming too. Not only was he your arch enemy and the most annoying person on the planet, but he also seemed to love making your life miserable. (☁, ⚥)

Business [+Jungkook] – one | two | three | four

» Discussing business over drinks with Taehyung and Jungkook turns into a night you won’t forget. (⚥)

Curtain – one | two | three

» The quarantine has made Taehyung a man of habit so much that he now masturbates at the same time every day. However, he doesn’t know that a neighbor is enjoying the view due to the lack of curtains at his place. (⚥)

» Your sugar daddy relationship goes great until you start catching feelings for the man who warned you against it. (⚥, ♡ , ☁)

Nowhere Fast – one | two | three | final [complete]

» When an old friend and crush shows up at your workplace and asks you to quit, you think he’s crazy. Soon enough, you realize you don’t even know what you’ve gotten yourself into. (⚥, ♡ , ☁)

Surreptitious – one | two | three [hiatus]

» Taehyung has a hard time watching you suffer because of Jungkook while he himself is madly in love with you. (⚥, ♡ , ☁)

Crossroads – one | two | three | four

» After you cause an accident, you’re willing to risk it all to help the people you’ve hurt, even if it means selling your soul to the devil. However, you didn’t know his helper would be so much fun. (⚥, ♡, ☁)

» oneshots:

Taehyung Speaking

» As a House of Lust employee, Taehyung finds his work mundane and, quite frankly, boring, especially when he’s working on the phone. But, the tables turn when his former university crush calls. (⚥)

Sorry, I Love You

» Taehyung is sorry he’s fallen for his good friend, afraid of losing a friendship over his feelings. Still, he has to confess. (⚥, ♡, ☁ )

Games

» Your roommate Taehyung wants to try something new, and he hopes you would be willing to help. (⚥)

The Bet [+Jimin/Namjoon]

» Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon are bored at a party, so they decide to spice things up with a bet. (⚥)

Fifteen Minutes

» You don’t do dates - all you give guys is fifteen minutes to see if they can impress you, and Taehyung’s fifteen minutes have just started. (⚥)

Home for Christmas

» Once again, Taehyung won’t make it home for Christmas. (♡)

Shelter

⤑ J U N G K O O K

Bunny masterpost

» An anonymous streamer puts on a show every couple of days. When you become one of his biggest fans, your social life takes a hit—you’d rather stay glued to your laptop and stare at him than go out and meet men in real life. But, what if? (⚥, ☁)

Puddle of Love masterpost

» Despite being completely different, Jungkook and you end up in the same place with a common goal—songwriting. Can you write songs with the guy who’s a walking bad boy stereotype? The rock image and lifestyle get on your nerves, but there seems to be more to Jungkook than you originally thought. (☁, ⚥, ♡)

How to Spice Things Up

» Eager to bring back some passion into his long-term relationship, Jeon Jungkook does the unimaginable and buys a female magazine after an article about spicing things up catches his eye. He’s willing to do anything to get things going again, even if it means applying the advice from the article. (TBA)

» You sleep with an obnoxious fratboy who used to be your friend. (☁, ⚥, ♡)

Lightweight – one | two [complete]

» Jungkook is tired of you seeing him as a kid, so he takes matters into his own hands. (⚥, ☁)

Business [+Taehyung] – one | two | three | four

» Discussing business over drinks with Taehyung and Jungkook turns into a night you won’t forget. (⚥)

» oneshots:

Hunter

» As a hunter, you’re hired by powerful people to kill the monsters that lurk in the woods surrounding villages and cities, praying on innocent people. When king Jungkook express an interest in meeting you, you expect the man to beg for your help, but the meeting doesn’t go as planned. (⚥)

Pas de Trois

» You decide to give your boyfriend Hoseok something he really wants—the chance to watch you get fucked by another guy. And what better place than House of Lust? (⚥)

Bound

» Your boyfriend Jungkook lets you bind him. (⚥)

The Present

» Your best friend’s boyfriend Jungkook has a special wish for his birthday—you. This maybe wouldn’t be such a problem if you weren’t into him since the day you’d met him. (⚥, ☁)

Lollipop

» request: jungkook teasing a girl with a popsickle and making her suck it (⚥)

Hands

» You love his hands when… (⚥, ♡)

Jasmine

» Jungkook always tries to hide his crush on you, but unfortunately, he can’t control what happens while he’s sleeping. (⚥)

Neighbors

» When your hands are full, a cute neighbor lends a helping hand. (⚥)

Dalliance

» Jungkook and you are hiding your friends-with-benefits thing from your roommate who used to have the same deal with him. (⚥)

Angel of Death

» Working at the local cemetery is a pretty mundane job until you meet a stranger. (⚥)

⤑ J I M I N

» When a college trip gets too boring, you decide to play a game with a guy who has a crush on you. (⚥, ☁, ♡)

» After a run of bad luck, you can go back home and admit defeat or step out of your comfort zone and look for a job at Sin City. (⚥, ☁, ♡)

Benefits – one | two | three [complete]

» Jimin is your friend with benefits. (⚥, ☁)

» oneshots:

Breaking the Rules

» As a House of Lust manager, Jimin can’t afford to break any of the rules meant to protect workers. Yet, there’s one you want him to break. (⚥)

The Bet [+Taehyung/Namjoon]

» Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon are bored at a party, so they decide to spice things up with a bet. (⚥)

Birthday Boy [+Yoongi]

» Yoongi wants to give his best friend Jimin the perfect birthday gift… And it just so happens to be you. (⚥)

Class President

» Class president candidate Jimin would do anything to get your vote. (⚥)

» drabbles: Sin City | Sin City 2 | Sin City 3 | Good Boy | Sharing (ft. Jungkook)

⤑ Y O O N G I

Ocean Drive – one | two [complete]

» Yoongi has always been forbidden fruit to you, but there’s something about him that makes it hard for you to stay away. (☁, ⚥)

Self-Control – one | two | three [complete]

» You hide your relationship with your boss. (☁, ⚥)

» oneshots:

Baby, Can I?

» Yoongi is your friend, but all it takes is one wrong move of his hand for you to start thinking of him as something more than that. (⚥)

Red Dress

» Your red dress becomes a subject of discussion with your boyfriend. (⚥)

Birthday Boy [+Jimin]

» Yoongi wants to give his best friend Jimin the perfect birthday gift… And it just so happens to be you. (⚥)

Take Care

» When you run into your ex on a night out, your fuck buddy Yoongi does his best to make you forget about him. (⚥)

King of Wishful Thinking

» Yoongi is your boyfriend’s roommate, but sometimes he wishes he could be more than that. (☁, ⚥)

» drabbles: Self-Control | King of Wishful Thinking

⤑ H O S E O K

Forbidden – one | two | three | four | five [complete]

» Hoseok is your brother’s best friend. (☁, ⚥)

Enemy masterpost [+Taehyung]

» When your fuckbuddy Hoseok becomes too busy to keep your thing going, Taehyung volunteers to fill the spot. (⚥)

» oneshots:

Pas de Trois

» You decide to give your boyfriend Hoseok something he really wants—the chance to watch you get fucked by another guy. And what better place than House of Lust? (⚥)

» drabbles: Forbidden | Forbidden 2

⤑ N A M J O O N

» As a part of a literature assignment, you get paired up with Kim Namjoon, a guy you’ve never even heard of. (☁, ⚥, ♡)

» oneshots:

The Bet [+ Jimin/Taehyung]

» Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon are bored at a party, so they decide to spice things up with a bet. (⚥)

A Favor

» Namjoon teaches you how to give head. (⚥)

Jealous

» Namjoon deals with a breakup. (⚥)

» drabbles: Friendship (fwb)

⤑ S E O K J I N

» oneshots:

Perfect

» Your roommate seems to have it all - great grades, amazing friends, good job, beautiful girlfriend. However, after a bad breakup and a long recovery, you realize there’s one thing he’s missing. (⚥, ☁, ♡)

Washing Machine

» Jin shows you another way to use the old washing machine. (⚥)

The Stranger

» When your plane hits turbulence, you start panicking and tell some of your biggest secrets to the attractive stranger sitting next to you. (☁, ⚥ , ♡)

Creek Hill Apartments

» Even though Kim Seokjin and you decided to stop seeing each other, there was something that always made you come back for more. (☁, ♡, ⚥)

⤑ L E E K N O W

Cupid’s Christmas [61.8k] — one [13.8k] | two [14.1k] | three [15k] | four [18.9k] complete

» Your friend creates the perfect Christmas blind texting event for all her single friends, including you. While you’re texting a person who seems to be perfect for you, you start interacting with your college arch-nemesis, Lee Minho, a lot more. (☁, ♡, ⚥) ⤑ read on AO3

Couple Drabbles — a series of drabbles about a relationship with idol Minho

» i. harness [2.9k] ♡ the one where you ask your boyfriend to wear a harness. » ii. love [2.4k] ♡ the one where you helping his friend makes Minho realize how much he loves you. » iii. play [3.8k] ♡ the one where a playing turns into thigh riding ⤑ read on AO3

» oneshots:

Company ft. Changbin

» You’re sick and tired of living the good girl life. In other words, you just want to get laid, and who better to help than your two best friends? (⚥) ⤑ read on AO3

⤑ C H A N G B I N

» oneshots:

Company ft. Lee Know

» You’re sick and tired of living the good girl life. In other words, you just want to get laid, and who better to help than your two best friends? (⚥) ⤑ read on AO3

Changbin’s Company

» Changbin avoids you because of hurt pride, but he finds himself in your company again. (⚥, ☁, ♡ ) ⤑ read on AO3

Cocky

» Changbin’s cockiness disappears the second he’s off the stage, especially around you—and you really want to be more than friends. ⤑ read on AO3

⤑ S H O W N U

» oneshots:

Play It Cool

» After a rough breakup, Hyun-woo turned to Tinder for some fun. You, on the other hand, were trying to find a date for a family wedding. And then you matched. (⚥)

Who Do U Love

» Being in love with Hoseok (Wonho) is hard, especially when you’re his girlfriend’s best friend. aka You’re pining over Hoseok and Shownu is pining over you. (⚥, ☁)

» Saudade: Oct 25th | Nov 11th | Dec 15th | Jan 12th (☁) Text drabbles – Yoongi | Jimin

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sunshobix · 3 years ago

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Amaretto Sour

Description: Hongdae nights, alcoholic drinks, and last-minute decisions - these are a few of your favorite things.

Pairing: Jin x Reader

Warnings: Tattooed!Jin, smoker!Jin, Copious amounts of snark!flirting, lots and lots of drinking, dirty words, biting/marking kink, rough-ish sex, narcissistic!Jin, and an MC who isn’t sure what she wants.

Genre: Smut (18+)

Word count: 12.4k

A/N: Behold!!!! My very first Jin fic (F I N A L L Y) and it marks my official return to Tumblr! I really hope y’all enjoy it because holy shit– this gave me so much trouble. I think it took about… one full year? to write. I love the man, but it’s so difficult for me to write for him, especially in a smut fic. ㅠ Anyway - I wrote Jin in a manner best befitting him for the role of this story and I am quite pleased with how he turned out. Special shoutout to @jeolla-jagi for being in love with a bartender (or should I say two bartenders…) at the actual bar this story takes place at and providing the inspiration. ;) (Even though the main one has since moved on to different work. Alas!)

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sunshobix · 3 years ago

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—melomaniac. (m)

melomaniac ⟶ ❝ lover of music ❞

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ genre: punk!jungkook / band au / friends-to-lovers + smut

⟶ words: 13,000

⟶ summary: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because he’s supposed to be your best friend and nothing more. worst part of it all is that you know he’s in love with you too.

⟶ warnings: coarse language, extreme mutual pining but knowing it’s wrong, tattooed and long haired jungkook to feed my fantasies, angsty fluff / smut: needy clingy sex, slight body worship themes, oral sex, overstimulation, squirting, unprotected sex, creampie, cock warming-ish.

⟶ disclaimer: this was a revamp of two old fics I had posted on tumblr on another blog a while ago, so if it seems familiar at all to anyone then that is probably why. also, the song that jungkook sings in this i imagine to be ‘make it right’ (but the one featuring lauv).

Jungkook is late again.

By ten minutes to be exact, but you’re certain no one’s counting anymore except for maybe you. The thought, however, doesn’t come as a surprise when it’s a natural occurrence in his life and even counting the time as it ticks by is a useless endeavour that wastes yours.

“Where is this idiot?”

Yoongi says this from somewhere off to your left, seething with subdued irritation. He’s been tapping his foot impatiently from behind the stand of his keyboard from the very second the clock struck twelve and Jungkook still hadn’t shown up; but his usual trademark impatience seems to be rubbing off on everyone else standing about in the room. Although, you can’t quite tell if his peeved mood is really because Jungkook is late or because the storage facility the guys rent by the hour to practice altogether as a band is being used to just stand around purposelessly and listen to nothing but angry breathing.

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sunshobix · 3 years ago

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Stay With Me | Seven pt.2

exhusband!jungkook, singleparent!jungkook, unplanned pregnancy, EX2L, fluff, angst, smut

Word Count - 3.5k

Jungkook remembers the worst night of his life while sitting in the hospital waiting room. Warnings: swearing, past angst, mentions of premature babies and NICU & needles, surgery etc. JK POV

SERIES COLLECTION

Jungkook has never felt so helpless in his whole life.

It’s common knowledge that he’s a strong guy, both physically and mentally. Truthfully he has you to thank for that, his wife, well, ex-wife if he wants to nit-pick. To him you’ve always been his wife, the other side of the door to his soul. Even when separated, even when you filed for divorce. You were never anything less to him, not really. He’s loved you forever and plans on loving you for as long as he has left in this world.

So imagine how ecstatic he was when you told him you wanted to make this work, to give your relationship another try. The moment plays clear as day in his head even now, the way butterflies enveloped his stomach so much so that he became them. The excitement, the raw heartfelt emotions pumping his veins, the little anxiety that comes with hope, fearful that his last mistakes would repeat.

There was no way in hell he was going to let that happen though, not again. The divorce was clean, considering you’re both parents. And it was nothing to him but a brutally honest certificate of how he’d fucked things up. That and the fact that marriage really is just a piece of paper, because even when it was officially over he never stopped loving you. Not once, there was no fleeting moment, no realisation, no hatred, just numbness. It was painful, as he knows it was for you too, but it didn’t strip him of his feelings for you like people had told him it would.

While marriage is just a piece of paper and doesn't determine the way two individuals feel about the other - Jungkook has to admit he misses being married. The ring, being able to call you his wife, his Mrs, the security of knowing you've made a sacred promise to each other. He wants that again one day, when you're ready, if that's something you want.

Arguably the two years that followed your divorce came the times that Jungkook realised he was more in love with you than ever. The sadness of packing his belongings up to move out of your home, the way he’d sob on his sofa whenever his phone buzzed from a text message from Seol. Seol was the only piece of you Jungkook had left, the only shred of evidence that he still existed in your life at all. Aside from the fortnightly exchange of parental responsibility, you’d completely dropped from his life with nothing but an apologetic smile.

And sitting here, in the hospital waiting room after watching a sea of doctors and surgeons flock to your bedside in a frenzied panic and rush you away from him, the memories of that time haunt him much worse than they ever had.

Jungkook walked into the bedroom wanting to kiss and make up after another heated argument. In the six months that lead up to that moment you were constantly bickering, constantly arguing about the same thing over and over again. It was a bleak time in your marriage, the two of you going through a whole myriad of emotions each and every time the other opened their mouth. You were sitting on the bed, back turned to him facing the window. He didn’t need to look at you to know you were crying, it added an obvious strain on your voice when the most heart-shattering, soul destroying words pierced the air.

“I want a divorce.”

It’s like time stood still for him, feet cemented to the ground, unable to do anything other than swallow the lump of regret forming at the back of his throat.

“Y/N… I know things haven’t been easy—”

You snapped your head round instantly, teary eyed and features curled with rage, “How would you know anything about that?” You scoffed, messily wiping your face with your pyjama sleeve, “You’re never here. Not really. You’re either working or out having after work drinks with Jimin and the others, when you are here you undermine every little thing I say or do and I’m sick of it. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”

While he understood you were keeping quiet to avoid waking your sleeping son, the fact you weren’t screaming at him and seemed relatively calm is what scared him the most. It was that moment he realised you’d been thinking about a divorce for a while. Desperately, he tried to comfort you and walked over to the bed, reaching out for your hand but you pulled away. His heart sank into the depths of his stomach, jaw tight and eyes welling up with tears.

“Please… I came up here to apologise, I know I should’ve had your back when Seol lost his temper. I’m sorry, I’ll speak to him in the morning—”

“It’s not good enough Jungkook,” You laughed humourlessly, your smile empty and perfectly matched to the distain behind your gaze, “You do it every day. How are we supposed to parent our son if you’re trying to be his best friend all the time? Why am I always the bad guy? It’s so frustrating… I-, I can’t even remember the last time you had my back.”

“I always have your back Y/N, even if I don’t say it I do.” Jungkook was panicking, recounting all the moments of you marriage that lead to this moment. He should’ve tried harder, should’ve done more. Should’ve been more.

At that you sighed, dropping your head, body weighed down with something indescribable, “I’ve had enough. It feels like I’m doing all this on my own. You don’t help around the house, you don’t discipline our son, you don’t help me with anything—”

“I pay for all the bills, I work my ass off to give you this lifestyle and I’ve been nothing but supportive—”

“Except you haven’t.” That was the moment you lost it, though you were still quiet, rising from the bed, “You think paying for stuff makes you a good husband? When was the last time you said I looked nice? When was the last time you complimented my cooking, my hair, my outfit – anything? Because I sure as hell don’t remember. You used to do it every day, and now you just belittle me in front of our son and make out like I’m some psycho for wanting to teach him manners.”

“You’re right… I-, Y/N I’m so sorry. I can do more, I can be more and I can work on myself… Things at work have been so hectic I just get tired and-,” There was no way to excuse his behaviour, he knew it even then, he really had let you slip between his inked fingers without even noticing himself, “Fuck I’m so sorry. I can-, I can be better.”

“I want you out this weekend.”

Your words were like a clean, freshly sharpened knife straight to his heart.

“I’m grateful for everything you do for Seol, for everything you pay for and for being there for him when he needs it. But I can’t do this anymore Jungkook… I can’t pretend to be happy anymore, we both deserve better than this.”

For the first time in his life Jungkook sank to his knees in front of you in an instant, frantically gripping your wrists while he looked up at you with big, round, pleading eyes. His heart was beating so fast he could feel it banging against his chest, sheer undeniable panic grew and grew inside him, until he began to sob on the floor. That was the first day in his life he had ever crumbled, the first time he wasn’t in control of his emotions – his emotions controlled him.

“Baby… Y/N.. P-please, please, please don’t do this,” He couldn’t calm down, his words almost being lost to the sound of him hyperventilating, “I can be better. We can go to marriage counselling! We can, we can, we can do anything you want—”

“What I want,” You were crying too, there was so much sadness in your eyes that it completely broke Jungkook down. He’d failed as a husband, “Is for us to be happy, and that means this needs to happen.”

“No!” He wrapped his trembling arms round your thighs, pressing his head to your stomach, the same stomach that grew and birthed his son, “Please. Please! Don’t fucking do this, I don’t know how to live without you. You’re the love of my life Y/N… I-, I love you so fucking much. So fucking much. Please don-, d-d-don’t leave me.” He wailed, squeezing you tightly as though he could change your mind.

Your voice was quiet and oozing with sorrow when it crept from your lips, your hands pushing into the depths of his hair, “You know that’s the first time you’ve told me you love me in almost two months…”

You were right.

“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t catch the sobs before they vibrated against your abdomen, “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

That was the moment you pried him off your body and nodded, for a fleeting moment Jungkook felt hope that you were willing to work on this with him. But then the next words left your lips and he realised there and then, he had just lost the love of his life.

“So am I.”

It was a moment later you left the bedroom, leaving your husband to cry himself to sleep for what would be the first night of many. No matter how many times he tried to win you back, he failed. And there were plenty. The fact you even found your way back to him is a miracle.

Jungkook’s leg bounces anxiously as a distraction from his intrusive thoughts, he hasn’t thought about that night in such a long time because why would he? Things with you have been… Great. Perfect even. There’s no way he’s willing to lose you again, to lose the undeniable connection of love and joy you have. He’s worked on himself, he even went to therapy because he didn’t want to put anyone else through what he’d done to you.

He ignored you, got complacent within the marriage and blatantly disrespected you time and time again. Sometimes he wonders if you’ve truly forgiven him for the past, because lord knows he hasn’t forgiven himself yet. He wants to prove himself, show you that he can be the husband he promised fifteen years ago when he made that sacred promise.

“Mr Jeon?”

His teary eyes snap to the nurse in the brightly lit room immediately, panic and exhaustion clear as day on his chiselled features, “That's me. Is she okay? Are they okay?”

“I need you to put these on, there’s a bathroom just outside,” She hands him some blue scrubs and a face mask, her cautious gaze flickering to his shaky hands.

“Is she okay? Is Y/N okay?” He asks again, towering over the nameless nurse when he stands.

At this she nods, he can’t quite make out her true expression because she’s wearing a medical face covering but he thinks she’s smiling. He hopes she is. Once he’s wearing the medical overalls he’s taken into a another hallway, the stench of hospitals almost has him choking it’s that strong. But it doesn’t matter, nothing but you and his children matter in this moment to him.

Uncertain footsteps lead him into a small room, it’s cosy and he can’t help but notice it’s a lot warmer in here than out in the waiting room. He doesn’t even know how long ago you were taken away, nor does he have any inkling of what’s happening. The dim yellow lights take him a minute to adjust to, blinking over and over until his vision completely focuses on the sight in front of him.

You.

“We had to perform an emergency caesarean because the babies were very stressed and mom’s heartrate dropped. Your wife is under heavy sedation right now, there were a few complications... Y/N’s going to be okay but she needs a lot of support, we’ll take good care of her I promise.” The nurse, maybe she’s a midwife, Jungkook isn’t too sure, reassures him. “This is where she’ll be recovering.”

Jungkook exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding, relieved to see you laying on a bed in the centre of the room covered with a soft looking blanket. There are needles in your hands and arms, the hospital gown drowns your frame and he can't help but frown, knowing how much of a pyjama snob you are. You're going to hate that gown when you wake up. But it’s the look of pure exhaustion haunting your profile that causes him the most pain. Even though you’re sleeping, you still look beyond the definition of tired. It kills him to see you in this state.

“We had to put her under to perform the caesarean, we were having trouble with the epidural needle because her contractions were so frequent and intense. It was safer for everybody to use general anaesthetic instead. That’s why it was advised for you to wait outside, I’m really sorry.”

Jungkook’s heart stills, he swallows, “Where are the babies? Are they okay?”

“Why don’t we go and meet them?” She clasps her hands together excitedly, and for the first time that day your ex-husband smiles.

It’s not long after that Jungkook is lead to the NICU, your recovery room is only a few doors away which brings him a great sense of relief. He’s anxious, sweating and honestly totally unprepared for this moment. The nurse has been kind enough to give him a minute to calm down just outside. When he woke up this morning the last thing he expected was for you to go into labour prematurely. He sighs, nodding his head as if to syke himself up.

When the double doors push open, his gaze lands to the tiny incubators currently home to two even tinier babies. For the second time in his life he’s brought to his knees, his legs buckling under the weight of his emotions. They’re easily the smallest babies in here, they barely look bigger than his hands but they’re without a shadow of a doubt the most perfect baby girls he’s ever seen.

“Oh my god,” He sniffles, kneeling directly between the two incubators his new daughters are sleeping in. They’re so delicate that the diapers they wear are way too big, but it doesn’t matter to him, “You’re both so beautiful…” He whispers, eyes flickering between the two.

“We’ll be monitoring them closely since they’re preemies.” The woman smiles, her own chest swelling with something warm and fuzzy watching a large burley man brought to tears on his knees, “But we’ll take good care of them, you can visit whenever you—”

“Whoa I’m not leaving.” Jungkook’s doe-eyes snap to hers in a panic, “I just got here.”

“I know…” She’s nodding along understandingly, “I’ll give you some privacy while I check on your wife.”

“Wait!” Jungkook calls after her, “Did, did you help deliver them? I mean were you there for the surgery?” At this the woman nods again, halting her movements.

“I’ve been looking after your wife and the twins my whole shift,” She chuckles lightly, a small fond smile tugging the corners of her lips, “She was amazing in there, I can only imagine how scared she was but she didn’t let it show. Not once. She's a strong woman, and you have a very beautiful family Mr Jeon.”

He agrees wholeheartedly, thanking her with a closed lip smile, “What’s your name?”

“Ariana, but people call me Ari for short.” She bows her head, signalling she’s ready to walk off and this time Jungkook doesn’t stop her. Ari. He likes that name.

When he’s left alone with the twins he can’t help but sigh in relief again. They’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. It’s been a long exhausting day but right now he feels wide awake, making sure to even his attention between the two incubators his palms are pressed against. They’re warm to the touch, it’s comforting in a way, but he can’t shake the feeling of guilt that hits him. You should be in here too.

“Hey you… and you… Just wait until you meet your mom…” He whispers, grinning, paying no attention to the tears cascading down his cheeks, “She’s going to love you so much, you’re so perfect. You're already so loved... You look exactly like your big brother did, just smaller. I’m sure he’s going to be excited to meet you too.” He chuckles to himself, finally standing, “I promise that I will always be there for you girls, no matter what. Look at how pretty you both are… Already have your old man wrapped round your little fingers and I haven’t even held you yet.”

It's as if his chest could burst with pride, so overcome with the purest love. He’s experienced this feeling once before, the day Seol was born. Of course you were in the room that day, giving that you birthed him naturally. You were the bravest person around that day too. There’s no way in hell he’s going to fuck this up, no fucking way. You need him, Seol needs him, and these two tiny little loves of his life need him. And so he smiles contently, quietening his voice until it’s barely audible just in case.

“I love you both so much… So so so much. I’m so glad you’re okay. You have no idea just how much I need you right now. For the rest of your lives too. I hope you're ready for a lifetime of me protecting you, because nothing, nobody, not a single thing is gonna harm you. They'll have to get through me first.” He giggles, wetting his lips before his brows raise, “Can I let you girls in on a little secret? Yeah? You’ve got to promise daddy you won’t tell anybody though, okay?”

Jungkook knows he must look undeniably insane right now, but it doesn’t stop him from sharing a special piece of information with his dainty nameless daughters. Something that only he and Seol know about up until now.

“When mommy’s feeling better, and we get to bring you two home… It might be a little while away yet but,” He glances around the NICU, making sure nobody can hear his confession.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me… again.”

1K notes · View notes

sunshobix · 4 years ago

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Cupid's Christmas ‖ three

After another fight in class, Minho wants to have a conversation with you about the way you two have been acting. However, you agreed to talk to Good Boy at that exact time.

⤑ word count: 15k ⤑ genre: non-idol!au, enemies to lovers, mutual (sort of) pining, angst, smut, fluff ⤑ pairing: lee know x reader ⤑ warnings: suggestive language, sexual topics, dirty talk, intercourse [oral (f.receiving), penetration] ⤑ a/n: this chapter contains a smut scene! ⤑ rating: 18+ ⤑ posting schedule: pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4—25/12

Monday, Dec 13th

The weekend flew by because you were busy with work and when you weren’t, you were thinking about Good Guy. He was away for the weekend, but still found time to text you in the morning and evening, which you appreciated. You didn’t text for hours on end like most nights, but you got to hear from him, and for the first time in a long time, it felt like someone thought about you. The more you got lost in your ideas about Good Guy, the easier it was to forget the argument you had with Minho and the fact that his face was the first one to flash before your eyes when you tried to get off. It was a nightmare, really.

That Monday, you had a little pep in your step as you walked to college and not even Lee Minho could ruin it for you, but he seemed keen on trying.

Your eyes ran to him the second you stepped inside the hallway that led to the classroom and you couldn’t help but notice Minho was surrounded by three girls from class. He was leaning against the wall and talking and the girls seemed to be entranced by whatever story he was telling, which wasn’t surprising at all. Just another day in the life of Lee Minho, right?

However, you noticed his company turning to look at you, after which they turned to him again and all four of them laughed, and it made you feel like you were in one of those movies as the loser who got in one of the popular mean girl’s way.

If this was Minho’s way of getting back at you for what happened the other day, it really wasn’t working. Your feelings weren’t hurt because his friend group laughed at you, you were just annoyed with him. If you were being honest, you walked into the building thinking you were going to be nice to him today to make up for saying all those things on Friday, but that idea flew out of the window.

You sat down where you usually did, but Minho was still out in the hallway, which wasn’t like him. Even though he was popular, he didn’t mingle with people in the halls before class started. Instead, he came in early and sat down, waiting for the class to start, like a real nerd, not that there was anything wrong with that. Well, not that Monday.

He walked in a second before the teacher did and looked kind of upset about the only spot being the one next to you, his usual one. Still, you didn’t really think someone would take his spot after he’s had the same one for three months. The disappointment on Minho’s face told you he was hoping someone would, and it wasn’t like you didn’t feel the same way. It would have been a lot easier to go through class without having him next to you.

Disappointed that he had to, Minho sat down next to you without a word and pretended to be focused on the professor, who said he forgot his laptop in the teacher cafeteria and had to go get it. Minho cleared his throat and stared right ahead, so you did the same. Things felt tense and you weren’t sure where to look, other than the professor’s empty desk.

“You won’t even say hi to me?” Minho finally snapped at you, as you expected. Minho keeping his mouth shut for longer than five minutes? Unheard of.

“I’m already annoyed,” you couldn’t help but snap back, remembering his laughter from earlier. It was, once again, very 15-year-old girl of him to act that way, and you hoped he was aware of that.

“Wow… Okay,” Minho narrowed his eyes until they turned into slits, showing utter annoyance with you.

Were you really going back to your old ways with him? There was no point in it. You clearly didn’t hate each other, as evidenced by everything that’s happened at the party and the day after, so pretending you did and being upset with each other was just dumb.

“I heard you laughing about me with your friends,” you decided to tell him the real reason behind your annoyance, so you could get over it and pretend the other didn't exist.

“Who? Me?!” Minho pointed his index fingers at himself and looked at you in surprise. “Where? What are you saying?”

“Earlier in the hallway. Your little girl friends were all looking at me funny and then you turned around and gave me one of those stupid looks of yours and you all laughed.”

Minho closed his eyes for a second and sighed, rubbing the inner corner with his eyes. “We were not talking about you. My friends were asking me about dance practice so I told them some stories and I just happened to notice you so I was trying to smile at you. I’m sorry for trying to be nice.”

Was the story plausible? Maybe. You knew to take anything Minho said with a grain of salt, though. “This could be legit, but I have a hard time believing it. I always have a feeling you’re mocking me, anyway.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t feel that way if you stopped thinking everything revolves around you,” Minho quipped, his eyebrows furrowed as he finally looked at you for more than a second or two.

“Oh,” you said, feeling a bit disappointed about hearing how Minho really felt about you. Did you think everything revolved around you? Not at all. If anything, you thought nothing revolved around you and you were more than happy with that. “Fine.”

You started paying attention to the notebook in front of you, reading through your notes from the last class, but feeling Minho’s gaze on you was making it difficult to concentrate. Still, you weren’t going to continue this conversation.

Did you really act like everything revolved around you? Anything was possible. After all, you’d just realized the other day that you were treating Minho unfairly and that he’d been helping you in class for years, which was something you hadn’t noticed before. Never once did you think that he saved you from presenting at least ten times in your college career—the thought never even crossed your mind. But, you thought about him being an ass more than once.

“Listen, I—” Minho tried to say something, but you cut him off with a grunt.

“Please, let’s not,” you suggested, hoping he’d just let you be.

You weren’t mad at him, but you needed time to think about everything. Lately, every time Minho had something to say about you, it made you think long and hard about yourself, and this was starting to mess with your head. Why did the guy seem to know a lot more about you than he let on? Did he really know his way around people that much? Maybe his analyses of people’s personalities were right. In that case, you were the biggest asshole out there.

“Maybe you’re n—” He tried again after sighing deeply, but you cut him off again. It was hard to think about everything with Minho trying to talk about the same old stuff every two seconds.

“Enough, Minho, please. I can’t play these games with you anymore,” you said curtly, not feeling the need to explain yourself any further. This is not what you wanted to think about in class. “It’s been years, maybe we should just drop it, huh?”

Minho gulped loudly before nodding and turning his focus to his notebook too.

As soon as the professor said you’re free to go, you jumped up and were the first one to do so. It might have seemed funny, but you wanted to get home in time to talk to Good Guy, like you’d agreed on Friday. If you got home then, you had about an hour of time just to text him, which wasn’t enough, but it was more than you had over the weekend.

“Hey, listen, I wa—” Minho started again, but you waved your hand at him.

“I’m a rush, sorry,” was what you muttered as you made your way to the door, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. The place was empty anyways, so it wouldn’t take long to get out and get on the first bus.

However, Minho ran after you and shouted your name, so you had to stop in the middle of the hallway. If you left while he was calling you, you’d be the asshole here, and you really didn’t want him to be right about you again, so you stopped, even though unwillingly.

Before turning around to face him, you took a deep breath. You’d be nice, you’d be nice, you’d be nice, you told yourself. Just be nice to him and get it over with.

“Please, wait up,” Minho muttered while he walked over nonchalantly, slowly, as if he had all the time in the world. Good for him, but you didn’t.

“What do you want?” Your tone may have sounded harsh, but you really had no time to waste, especially if it was going to be more of the same old. You couldn’t ditch on Good Guy to argue with Minho yet again.

“I want to talk, please,” Minho’s tone was the opposite of yours. He seemed to be careful with his words and there was not even a hint of that joking tone anywhere.

“I have to get home soon, I can’t stand around and chit chat, especially not in the middle of the hallway,” you shrugged at him, taking a quick look at your watch. “Is it really that important?”

“Fine, we’ll be short,” Minho said, finally showing some of that stubbornness of his.

Instead of explaining further, he grabbed you by the arm and led you to the nearest empty classroom. It was late afternoon and most classrooms were empty by that point, but he was really testing his luck by barging into classrooms like that. Still, you didn’t really focus on the classroom—all you thought about was how Minho managed to grab you and lead you there with a firm grip, but gently enough for you not to feel pain. Why your mind even went there was beyond you, but it did.

Once he closed the door behind you two, Minho didn’t let go of your wrist even though you were inside the room all alone and it was clear that you weren’t just going to run away.

“What is it?” You asked, looking down at his hand on yours to imply that you wanted him to let go of you, which he quickly did.

“I am sorry,” he said with a sigh, staring right into your eyes.

“What?” You blurted the word before even thinking of the most appropriate thing to say. “For what? You’re really confusing me here, Minho.”

“For being mean to you. I didn’t think I was,” he stressed by raising his hand and cocking his head to the side, “but you seem to think so and that got me thinking. The last time you told me how you felt, I… I realized that it did sound weird from your perspective.”

You weren’t exactly sure where all of this was coming from, but it seemed like Minho and you had reached the same conclusion after you talked, each in your own way. You were thinking you’d been mean to him too, and he seemed to feel the same way. When you looked at things from a different perspective, you were mean to him and took his help for granted for years.

Yet, despite that, you didn’t think of apologizing, while Minho was really focused on making things right. He ran out of class and stopped you from going home so he could apologize. Applaudable. Maybe he was the bigger person, after all.

“There’s no need to apologize,” you told Minho as you watched him stare at the floor.

“There isn’t?” Minho’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at you again, clearly taken aback by your statement. “I thought you were really mad at me.”

“I’m not mad, Minho. Like I said, you’re confusing me,” you tried being as honest as possible so you could get out of there ASAP. “I thought we hated each other.”

“And I told you I don’t.”

“Yes, exactly. So I really don’t get your behavior all these years if you don’t hate me. Nothing makes sense, not even this whole cereal thing,” you shook your head, remembering his dumb humor.

Minho quickly went on to explain himself. “It was just a joke, I swear. I’m just trying to find ways to make you laugh instead of glare like you want me gone.”

You skipped the fact that he said he wanted to make you laugh and focused on the general idea of his words. “That’s harsh, I've never said that.”

The truth was, you really did say some mean stuff to him but you never wanted him gone. You just wanted Minho on the other side of the classroom where you didn’t have to look at him or acknowledge his presence. You weren’t sure why, but that was besides the point.

“You meant it,” Minho suggested, which made you cackle, mostly because of his expression which was rather suggestive.

“Maybe. Sometimes.”

“See?” He cocked his head to the side and blinked annoyingly, happy to have proved himself right.

“I’m kidding”, you spoke in a mocking tone before glaring at him. Did he really fall for that? “Anyway, I’m not angry. You just say stuff that makes me rethink everything and that's it. And you were mean earlier today, but that’s nothing new. I’m not mad.”

“I’m kind of sick of it,” Minho said with a sigh, leaning against the desk behind him, legs crossed at the ankles, hands in pockets of his jeans. All of a sudden, he seemed so nonchalant about the whole ordeal.

“Of what?”

“Us being angry with each other.”

“Me too, honestly,” you shrugged, realizing that Minho was calling for a much-needed truce and that you’d be a fool not to accept it. “So let’s just not.”

“Maybe we could start over?” Minho’s eyebrow cocked up at his own suggestion as he watched you stare at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Be friends? Act nice?” He suggested slowly, still keeping his eyes on you, which made you look away. The air became tense all of a sudden, once you forgot about being angry or annoyed and just focused on the man in front of you.

“Sure,” you said and offered him a hand to shake, which he accepted with a smile. The one thing you did like about Minho was his handshake. If there was something you hated about people, it was when they shook hands weakly—holding their hand was like holding a dead fish, and it irked you to no end.

“Do you… Uh…” His hand flew from yours to the back of his head for a quick scratch, which made you think he was nervous. Minho always did that when nervous. “Do you think you would like to go out with me?”

Minho’s question caught you unaware, and you were sure you looked completely surprised as you just stood there for a couple of seconds, trying to process his question and figure out whether he was joking. Was Minho really asking you out? You!?

“I think…” Words just weren’t coming so you took a deep breath and asked what you really wanted to know. Beating around the bush wouldn’t help you here, and you didn’t have that much time to begin with. “Why?”

“Is it not obvious?” Minho asked, sticking his tongue out to wet his lips before continuing. “I like you.”

For a second, everything stood still as you two locked eyes. Into you? His words were running on repeat in your brain as you watched his eyes widen in expectation. You breathed out loudly, as if someone took all the air out of your lungs. None of it made any sense. “Jesus, Minho… Seriously?”

That was not the answer he was hoping for, clearly. Minho was chewing on his lower lip while you spoke and stopped the second you looked at him questioningly. He took a deep breath before continuing, “This is not the moment to be sarcastic or rude, I swear.”

“I’m not trying to be,” you waved his implication off with your hand, “I just don’t get you. You just told me earlier I think everything revolves around me.”

“Because you sometimes do,” Minho shrugged and looked at you like you were silly. “I still like you, though.”

“Oh, how generous of you,” you fought the urge to roll your eyes at him. However, you realized that was a mistake the second you did it. If there was any chance Minho was serious about this, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings in any way, even if you did find him annoying.

“It’s not generous, I’m just saying I like you even if you think I’m mocking you with my friends,” Minho explained and narrowed his eyes to give you a glare that made you feel dumb.

You wanted to let him know he could shove his weak confession where the sun doesn't shine, but you bit your tongue in time. What would be the point? You’d offend him and you two would go back to fighting. So instead of getting offended at Minho’s joke, you chuckled. “Okay, fair enough, that was stupid of me.”

“So you can admit that you’re wrong sometimes,” he said and nodded mockingly, as if this was the first time you’ve ever admitted your wrongdoings. “Wow. Growth, we love to see it!”

“Shut up, Minho,” you scoffed with a shake of your head. “Anyway, I have to be somewhere.”

“Wait, uhm, you didn’t answer me,” he looked at you with puppy eyes again, and you realized he was actually serious about this.

The fact that the usually cocky Minho seemed afraid of your reaction made the whole thing ten times worse, as it put pressure on you. It’s not that he was pushy or pressuring you, it’s that you felt like you had a million eyes on you when it was just the two of you there.

Maybe it was because you were curious about your own response too. You needed time to think about it, lay all the details out and then analyze them until they showed you how you really feel, and that wasn’t possible right then and there.

“I just don’t think there’s chemistry here,” was all you could come up with, even if it wasn’t exactly true.

Minho suddenly pushed himself away from the desk and walked over to you until your bodies almost touched, which was the closest you’d been in years, save for that night at the party when his hands were on you and when you almost did kiss him… That was not what you were supposed to be thinking about. You didn’t move away or even flinch despite him being that close, and that scared you. Why didn’t you?

“And what about the party?” Minho challenged you with a smirk. The little fucker knew you were both aware of how heated that dance got, and he wasn’t afraid to call you out like that.

“We were drunk!” You told him while looking over his shoulder for a second, unable to stand his eyes on you for that long.

“Didn’t we almost kiss?” Minho asked with a cockiness in his voice that you couldn’t deny, clearly happy with the situation.

You shook your head as a no and took a step backward so you weren’t so close to him because his cologne was starting to mess with you again. “Almost kiss and kiss isn’t the same thing.”

Minho nodded, seemingly in agreement with you. “You’re right, so why don’t we kiss now? And we’ll see if there’s chemistry. We’re sober.”

“That’s what you want?” You were surprised by his proposition and how things were moving along. This was not what you expected when he said he wanted to talk, not at all. If anything, you thought you’d agree on being civil. Not once did you consider him asking you for a kiss.

“Yeah. If you don't feel like there’s anything there, that’s cool, I'll back off,” Minho offered, knowing that would be tempting for you.

“You will?” Somehow, you couldn’t get yourself to believe him, even though his face told you he was sincere about this.

“Yes,” Minho said with a long sigh, his breath fanning your face, inviting you in.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

You agreeing to his idea seemed to surprise him more than it did you because Minho’s mouth slightly opened in shock, but he quickly recovered and approached you again, now an inch away from you, his eyes fixated on your mouth.

“This is weird,” Minho laughed and quickly continued, “I mean, agreeing to kiss someone is so weird, sorry. Like, how do you go about it?”

“Exactly what I'm thinking,” you said, looking up at his mouth.

Why did the moment suddenly seem so intimate? You were in an empty classroom, but it was still a public place and there were surely some people left at college. So, it shouldn’t have felt as private as it did, but the fact that Minho was so close and looking at you the way he looked at you like he did at the party was playing tricks on you.

You thought that his looks at the party were connected with the drinks he’d had, but Minho didn’t have any drinks that day, and he still had that look in his eyes, the one that made you kind of want him.

“Okay, okay, deep breath,” Minho instructed you with a giggle, which made you think he was excited about this whole idea.

“Are we closing our eyes?” You asked, wanting to be sure. Usually, you didn’t ask stuff like that, but then again, you didn’t exactly agree to kiss random people often, so it was better to find out sooner than later.

“Duh,” Minho gave you a strange look like he was judging you just because you asked.

“I don’t know, don’t want you to make fun of me after,” you mocked his voice, which made him chuckle.

“Do you really think I'm that much of an ass?” He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes widened in surprise.

You spread your arms with a laugh, not believing he was making this so easy on you. “Yes!”

Minho could only kick his head back and laugh. “I wish you hadn't answered that one, really.”

Why did you all of a sudden find Minho’s laughter funny and his mouth so attractive? Was it because he was so close to you and you hadn’t been that close to a guy in a long time? Or was it the way he was looking at you and making you laugh, paired with that amazing cologne he had on? Whatever it was, it was working.

Then again, maybe it was Good Guy and the fact that you were daydreaming about him and wanting to try out the things he was suggesting. Since he wasn’t there, you only had Minho. Your mind wandering to Good Guy made you panic all of a sudden—you’d be late!

“Will you do it or not? I have to go”, you cleared your throat, remembering you weren’t supposed to even be there, let alone letting Minho give you a kiss.

Minho nodded quickly, “Deep breath.”

With that, he used his index finger to lift your chin and that was enough for shivers to run down your spine. His hand was warm, but you still shivered when he touched you so gently and lifted your chin so he could lean in easily, brushing his nose against yours by accident, allowing you to feel his breath on your face. For some reason, the contact with Minho’s skin made you get goosebumps instantly, or maybe that was because of the way he was looking at you as if he was asking for permission once again.

You closed your eyes slowly, and Minho leaned in even more to press his lips against yours. They felt just as soft as they looked, sadly. He also smelled nice, which was a huge plus in your book, and now you could feel it even better.

Instead of pulling away, like you thought Minho would after he kissed you, he leaned in further, his lips brushing against yours, making you get all tense in anticipation. For a second, you tried to stop thinking about you and Minho and Good Guy and all the bickering and stupid insults—and just focus on Minho’s scent and the feel of his smooth lips on yours.

As if he could sense that you relaxed and let go, Minho opened his mouth slightly, so you did the same, and before you knew it, his tongue was inside your mouth. He also tasted great, too, which was even more annoying somehow. Your tactic worked—you forgot about literally everything other than feelings his lips and tongue, his hand on your neck, his scent.

Did everything about him have to be perfect? Hair, body, outfits, smile, kisses, everything. Everything about Minho annoyed you yet attracted you at the same time, which was extremely confusing.

Minho’s hand cupped your cheek as his tongue moved slowly inside your mouth. The way he rolled it in circles made your lower stomach twist and turn in excitement, and you hated the fact that your own body let you down like that. Really, for Minho? You were getting wet after one fucking kiss with someone as obnoxious as Lee Minho? Were you really that sex-deprived that one kiss could get you going?

The worst part about it was that you didn’t want to stop and you were forgetting to breathe during the kiss. If you were being honest with yourself, you wanted it to keep going so you could remember everything about it later, when you replayed the whole conversation in your head to figure out what was going on. So, when Minho finally pulled away, you were practically gasping for air, and he noticed it.

“Wow,” he breathed, his mouth still so close to yours, wet with saliva, ready for more. “That good, huh?”

Of course, it was still good old Lee Minho underneath all that gorgeousness, so you rolled your eyes with a sigh. For a second, he managed to make you forget that it was still him. “Jesus.”

“I’m joking, hey,” his voice suddenly sounded deeper and more serious than before, and his eyes told you he was telling the truth.

“Okay,” you simply said before taking a step towards the door. “I really have to go.”

“Can you uh, tell me about the… chemistry?” You could tell Minho wasn’t comfortable asking this, but at the same time wanted to know badly.

“Maybe we can talk about it some other time,” you suggested, not wanting to stay there longer and discuss how the kiss made you feel, with Minho of all people. You weren’t sure either, which is why discussing it with him would confuse you even more. Besides, Good Guy was waiting.

But, Minho’s face looked like he thought you were flat out saying no, which you weren’t. You wanted to talk to Good Guy, as promised, and you couldn’t stay here and discuss your hate relationship with Minho. You didn’t even know how to feel about the whole thing, especially after finding yourself enjoying his kiss.

Besides, you two wouldn’t see each other that often anymore. In fact, you had only a couple of more classes together before Christmas break and the party where you’d finally meet Good Guy. What if that took off? What would you do about Minho then if you promised him anything? Did you even want that? You weren’t sure how you two could ever go on a date without going home in a fight.

“Are you coming to the party on Thursday?” Minho finally said something, and you were thankful for it because the silence was making you overthink everything, especially kissing him.

“I think so,” you immediately responded and noticed how his face lit up instantly. It was a lie, though—you knew about the party, but had no plans to go, as usual. “But I don’t want to talk about it at the party.”

And you meant it.

Even if you went crazy and decided to go to a stupid frat party, you weren’t going to let Minho take you to the side and talk about all of this all over again, mostly because you knew he’d smell and look great and you’d both be drinking, and it would make you act irrationally. You were already acting strange and letting him kiss you, and you were completely sober. God knows what you’d let him do with a couple of drinks in you.

“Why? Too afraid you’ll give in to what you actually want?” Minho’s snicker told you everything you needed to know about his confidence, and you envied him for it.

But, there was no way you were going to say that, so you opted for the usual, “You’re really full of yourself.”

“Do I have a reason not to be?” Minho asked before bursting into laughter. “It’s a joke once again. I’m not full of myself, but I know what happens when you and I are drunk around each other, so it was a safe assumption to make.”

“You wish,” you rolled your eyes and went straight for the door. “See you at the party, I really have to run.”

“I...” Minho reached out and you thought he was going to stop you from leaving, but he changed his mind and pulled his hand away quickly. “Thanks for giving it a shot,at least.”

You felt bad when you heard the comment because you really didn’t stop to take Minho’s feelings into consideration at all. All you did was make jokes and find excuses to leave as soon as you could and leave him wondering whether or not he should keep holding on, which was selfish of you. The thing was, you really didn’t know what was going on, so you didn’t have much to say to Minho.

“There…. There was some chemistry,” you admitted with a sigh. “But some. Don’t let it get to your head.”

Minho tried to stop himself from grinning but failed and did so anyway, so you left the room after giving him an awkward wave that left you with something to think about on your way home.

As soon as you got on the bus, you texted Good Guy. It was 6:28 and there was no way you would be able to sit down somewhere and text him for an hour, as agreed. The bus was full, somehow, and you couldn’t even pay attention to your phone since you tried to stay on your feet and not fall over whenever the driver hit the brakes.

You: i’m so sorry, good guy! 🥺 I’m on my way home, the traffic is crazy, i won’t be able to make it

Good Guy: oh… that’s okay, don’t worry. Class run late?

You could have easily said yes and Good Guy would never know, but you didn’t feel like lying to someone you haven’t even met. Building stuff on lies made them fall apart like a house of cards later, and that wasn’t what you wanted for yourself at all. It took you a long time to even type the next message because you had to hold on tight whenever the bus took a turn.

You: actually, i had a talk with a classmate over an argument so it was important that i stayed, i guess

Good Guy: that minho dude?

The fact that Minho was the first person who came to Good Guy’s mind almost made you gasp. Shit. Was Good Guy someone from college? Eun-ah had a lot of friends you knew nothing about, and it wasn’t exactly a secret that Minho and you couldn’t stand each other, so if Good Guy was any of the guys who shared a class with one of you, he could have seen you together today and put two and two together.

You: how did you know?

Good Guy: no offense, but you talk about this guy a whole lot

Your cheeks felt like they were burning by that point. First, you almost kissed Minho the other day. Now you actually did kiss him while talking with Good Guy all the time and telling him you were going to meet next week. You felt weird: not like you were cheating, but also not completely innocent, either. If life taught you anything, it was that you couldn’t have your cake and eat it too, and this predicament felt a bit like that. You just weren’t sure who the cake was.

You: It’s nothing like that!

Good Guy: Maybe you should think about it before the party and all that

You: Wait, you’re serious?

Good Guy: Is he going to be there? It will be awkward

Would Minho attend Eun-ah’s party? Well, only if Hyunjin invited him, and you weren’t sure he’d do that. After all, it was Eun-ah’s party for all her single friends who were a part of this thing, from what you understood, so people couldn’t just invite whoever.

But, since Good Guy mentioned this possibility, you started thinking about it. What if Minho did show up at the party? How awkward would it be to talk to Good Guy while Minho was in the same room, and you’d just kissed? You’d probably go home if that happened. But, Minho wasn’t Eun-ah’s friend, so you were good.

You: I don’t know if he’s Eun-ah’s friend, but it doesn’t really matter

Good Guy: okay ☺️ it’s none of my business anyway

Good Guy: but just think about it and whether you want to reveal your identity to me and all that

You: don’t worry about it. besides, revealing our identities is just that… we can then see if there’s chemistry

Good Guy: chemistry you can’t feel over texts?

You: yes… sometimes you just feel it around someone. it’s either there or it isn’t

Good Guy: do you always act on it if you feel it

You: not always 😀 sometimes you know better

Good Guy: i guess you’re right, good girl ☺️ i have to leave for practice now, i’ll talk to you later!

Thursday, Dec 16th

When Thursday rolled around, you were starting to regret saying yes to going to the party.

It was a long week, the work stuff was starting to get to you, and the whole Minho situation became even more confusing. You worried about it so much that you didn’t go to class on Wednesday because you knew you’d have to sit next to Minho, and you just couldn’t face him after the kiss and that entire conversation. You hated to admit it, but it did make you feel something.

But, the worst part about it was that you didn’t want to not show up at that party because you told Minho you’d be there like it even mattered. Since when did you care about letting Minho down? It wasn’t like you to even think about whether something you did would hurt his feelings or not.

Still, you couldn’t get yourself to break your promise, even if you weren’t sure whether you even wanted to talk to Minho. Bailing on him wasn’t an option, so you picked Eun-ah up when agreed, and had two drinks at her place before walking to the party.

Because some of her friends were at her place when you got there, you didn’t mention a word about Minho or Good Guy, but as soon as the friends went home and you and Eun-ah were on your way to the party, there was nothing stopping you, so you explained everything that happened with Minho in painful detail. You just needed to hear someone else’s opinion on this situation, and the person couldn’t be any of your friends from university since they all knew, and most of them liked, him.

“And you’re conflicted… Why?” She asked once you finished, as if you didn’t just spend half an hour talking about this man and how his very essence annoyed but turned you on somehow.

“Good Guy,” you stated the first reason. You were supposed to meet him in eight days, after all. She was the one who wanted to set you two up because you were great for each other, and here you were, compromising it because of… Minho. “Minho being… Well, Minho. Me being me. All of it.”

“Oh, I see. Well, Good Guy and you haven’t really met, so you don’t know him that well. You two would be perfect together, but that’s up for you to see at the party,” Eun-ah grinned and patted your back. “But don’t think you can’t see if things work out with Minho… You’re a single woman. Good Guy and you are just talking.“

“I don’t know if I want to.”

Eun-ah stopped walking and looked at you, deadpan. “Girl, you’re dragging me to a party at a frat house because you told this dude you’d come. You want to talk to him, at least.”

She was right. You wanted to go to this party solely because Minho would be there, and there was no point in pretending that wasn’t the only reason for you going in the first place. You weren’t sure what you wanted to get out of it, but you wanted you two to finish the conversation from the other day.

“I do. But I’m… Confused. Don’t know if I want him or if it’s just pent-up frustration,” you shot her a knowing look because you knew Eun-ah would understand the sentiment. “Besides, I haven’t had sex in the longest time, and he’s recently changed his behavior. He went from being mean to being mean and flirty at the same time, and I guess I just like that? And I hate that I do.”

“Since you’ve been talking about this dude since we’ve left my place, just go fucking talk to him,” Eun-ah advised, and, as always, her words seemed so obvious. “You literally have nothing to lose.”

Did she forget her whole Cupid’s Christmas thing? “Except this perfect guy you chose from me.”

“Girl, if Minho’s the better choice, do you really think I’d get upset?” Eun-ah laughed at your suggestion. “I’m not that crazy.”

“Ah, you’re right, I know,” you explained, “but I don’t know if Minho is the better choice. It’s Minho. I haven’t mentioned him often because I really don’t usually think about him. I mean, I do, but in an annoying kind of way.”

“Well, if he made you change your mind in a couple of weeks, there might be something there. You’ll know when you see him.”

So, when you noticed Minho an hour later among the crowd of drunk frat boys, you wondered if you knew. Did anything change? It felt funny to see him. Funny was the wrong word, for sure, but you felt the need to take a big gulp of your drink when you saw him approaching.

“That’s him,” you nudged Eun-ah as if Minho couldn’t see you doing that, which told you you’ve had a drink too many.

“I’d better get lost then,” she giggled and pecked your cheek. “If you need an excuse, call me and I’ll come get you.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, but your friend was already off to find a familiar face, which you didn’t doubt she would in less than a minute. She knew everyone.

You stood in place and simply watched Minho approach you, walking towards you casually in his usual confident manner, his eyes never leaving yours, face locked in a smirk. He knew you were there because of him, you were certain.

“Want to dance?” Minho offered his hand, and you accepted it like it was a normal occurrence. Usually, the two of you would insult each other as a greeting, but tonight you danced.

For a while, neither one of you spoke. Instead, you danced to the rhythm of the music, instantly finding that perfect dancing position for pairs, and stared in the opposite directions. You, for one, were kind of scared of facing Minho.

He smelled fantastic and was wearing that white shirt you’d seen him wear before, the one that he purposefully left halfway unbuttoned so everyone could get a clear view of his chest. No, you shouldn’t have looked down—it was a mistake to even think about his chest.

“Are you cold?” Minho asked, which was a dumb question coming from someone half-naked at a crowded party. Also, judging by how red his cheeks were, he’d been drinking too, so he knew it was the furthest thing from cold there.

“No, are you?” you looked down at his chest and chuckled, which made him grin at you.

“I’m asking because you’re shivering,” Minho explained slowly, still moving in circles slowly, now staring right at your face. You were? You hadn’t noticed at all, since you were focusing on him.

Since you couldn’t ignore him any longer, you looked into his eyes too. “I didn’t have enough to drink.”

“Enough to dance or talk to me?” He cocked his head to the side and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. How did he get so confident around you all of a sudden? Minho was stuttering just the other day, and now he had no problem being cocky.

“Let’s leave it at both,” you nodded and looked over his shoulder, pretending there was something more interesting than the guy you used to think you absolutely hated, but seemingly couldn’t stay away from

“Okay… Do you…” Minho cleared his throat and exhaled loudly, as if he was annoyed with himself. You couldn’t help but notice the way he frowned, even if it was for a split second.

“What?” you asked, unsure of whether that would make him more nervous or motivate him to continue.

“I wanted to ask you if you were up for talking about what we talked about the other day… But since you haven’t mentioned it, I'm guessing it’s a no.”

Hearing Minho say that made you close your eyes and take a deep breath. You knew he’d bring it up, but you just didn't think it would be this early on when you weren’t ready for it. Would you ever feel ready for something like that, though? The fact that you were still dancing, hand in hand, looking over each other’s shoulder made the whole thing even weirder.

“I just don’t…” you grunted, mostly at yourself for being unable to summarize everything you thought into something simple and understandable. “It’s confusing.”

“What exactly?” Minho turned his head to the side, and you felt like he was waiting for you to do the same. If you did, your faces would be touching—well, almost—and you couldn’t afford that.

“You saying you’re into me. Can’t you see why?” You really did think it was obvious why you were feeling the way you were.

“I’ve been into you for a long time,” Minho scoffed and continued staring at the side of your face. “You’re the only one who doesn’t know, apparently.”

This made your head snap in his direction, and you looked straight into his eyes to understand whether he was lying. What was he on about? “If that’s true, you really have a weird way of showing it.”

“I told you I’m not good at this,” he grimaced and gave you a slight shrug, eyes still focused on yours.

“When have we ever discussed this?”

For a second, you thought you saw panic written all over Minho’s face, but he quickly recovered. “Were you that drunk?”

“I’m sorry, maybe I forgot,” you looked away again, feeling like a dumbass. What happened at the last party was clear in your head, or at least you thought so, but if you and Minho discussed something like this and you forgot it, you were wrong.

“What’s confusing you? Maybe I can help,” Minho offered, his mouth dangerously close to your neck as he leaned in a bit to whisper, even though that was impossible at a party. Still, you felt his breath on your neck and enjoyed it.

“This feels like a practical joke,” you admitted.

“What does?”

“You saying all these things all of a sudden. You’ve never, and I mean never, shown any interest in me,” you side-eyed him quickly before looking over his shoulder again.

“Do you really think not one person in that class wants to sit next to me?” Minho asked with a giggle. “Seungmin is one of my best friends. Do you really think he sits behind me and not next to me because he wants to?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying,” Minho leaned in again, “that I tell people not to sit next to me because I’m saving you a seat.”

He was? How come not one person in that entire class ever thought to tell you that? True, you weren’t exactly the friendliest person out there, but still, not one person!?

“Oh, so you want me to sit next to you so you can torture me?” you tried to play it off as a joke, but Minho didn’t laugh at all.

“I thought I was just being nice without being too cheesy,” he scoffed at his own idea, but you just didn’t understand how he thought any of it would work. For instance, it would have been a lot easier to just ask you to sit next to him. At least you’d know he wanted to sit with you in that case and you wouldn’t think you were being punished for existing every time you walked into that classroom.

“Nice? Calling me a raccoon isn’t nice,” you reminded him of that insult, which instantly made him stop dancing and look at you apologetically.

“It was a stupid joke! I didn’t realize you’d been crying, it just seemed like you fucked up your makeup, that’s it,” Minho placed his hand over his heart and waited for you to say something, which made you realize you two were standing in the middle of the dancefloor.

You nodded and continued dancing, and he soon followed. “Okay, okay, let’s not go down that rabbit hole again.”

“Is that proof enough?” Minho asked, clearly wanting to continue talking about you two as if that was a normal part of your discussions.

“You could just be saying it, Minho,” you pointed out the obvious.

Maybe you’d seen too many movies when you were younger, but you were kind of expecting someone as popular as him to make fun of someone like you by pretending to like them if you were being honest. Okay, not expecting, but fearing it.

“Really?” Minho laughed again, kicking his head back. “It’s so hard to convince you I like you. Do you think those girls who usually sit in front of us didn’t ask to sit next to me, ever? Or my friend? Or any of the people who don’t want to sit too close to the back or front of the classroom?”

Well, once he put it like that, it really did seem like the only place left was the one next to him, every single time, which was just suspicious. You never questioned it because you never suspected he’d be keeping it for you.

“It’s not just you,” you finally admitted, not wanting to discuss the seating arrangement any longer, “I mean, not just this whole hate thing we have going on.”

“Then what is it?”

“This Cupid’s thing Eun-ah organized,” you said after taking a deep breath and getting ready to fuck things up royally. “Don’t know if you know about it through Hyunjin.”

Minho nodded slowly. “Oh, I’m a part of it.”

“Y-you, you’re what now?”

“A part of it,” he repeated slowly. “I know Eun-ah too. She knows Hyunjin because he gave her dance classes. at the same place I take dance classes. So, we see each other there.”

Why was this the first time you were hearing about this? Did Eun-ah not know that the Minho from her dance classes was the same Minho you confided in her about just earlier? The embarrassment was real with this one.

“I had no idea you two knew each other,” you said after a couple of seconds of silence during which you processed the news as well as you could. “Maybe I shouldn’t have shit-talked you as much as I did then.”

This comment made Minho laugh loudly. “I’m sure she shit-talked too, I saw the way you two glared at me. Anyway, you were saying? This Cupid’s Christmas thing...”

“Well, I’m talking to the guy from this thing of hers,” you told him, hoping that would explain it all. If he was participating too, he knew what it meant—you were talking to a guy.

The look on Minho’s face told you he was expecting you to continue. “So?”

Here came the hard part, but there was no point in beating around the bush or playing dumb. You couldn’t joke your way out of it, not when people’s feelings were involved. “We’re supposed to meet next week at the party.”

“Well, I'm talking to someone too,” Minho reminded you. “Doesn’t mean I'm dating her.”

And then it dawned on you that, if Minho was a part of the whole secret texting thing, he was doing the same thing you were doing. Did he talk to this girl all day, every day? “Wait, why did you kiss me if you’re talking to this girl?”

Instead of acting insulted or attacking you back, Minho chuckled, continuing to dance. “Are you jealous?”

“No, I just…” You started to explain yourself, but then you realized Minho was joking. “Why are you doing this if you’re thinking about this other person?”

Were you jealous? It felt weird even asking Minho this, but you didn’t really have any other choice. You could stop this conversation and talk about something else, but you wouldn’t get any answers and would be left with even more questions, which would leave you spiraling. It just didn’t make sense—why was he confessing to you if he was also talking to another girl he was about to meet soon?

Minho cocked an eyebrow at you. “Didn’t you just say you’re doing the same thing?”

“Well, I’m not doing anything with you,” you blurted out, not even thinking about what the words sounded like to the person on the receiving end, especially someone who was just telling you they liked you.

“Oh,” Minho’s face dropped the second he heard you say that so adamantly. “Okay.”

“No, I didn't...” you stopped yourself because you weren’t even sure what you wanted to tell him. What were you even doing here, except dancing in circles and ruining any chance you had of having a normal friendship with Minho? “Fuck, Minho. I just—I meant, we didn’t do anything, right? And that’s why I'm having a hard time deciding on anything. This guy, we have... Chemistry when we talk, we get along.”

“Okay…” Minho nodded a couple of times before looking right into your eyes again. “And we don’t?”

“Get along?” you scoffed. “Never.”

“Have chemistry, fool,” Minho clicked his tongue. You knew what he meant the first time he said it, but you were hoping he would let it slide.

“Yeah, we do,” was all you could get out because he kept looking right at you, his face inches away from yours.

“Some or a lot?”

The fact that he leaned in even further made it hard for you to answer that question. Wasn’t that chemistry, the feeling of being unable to stop looking at someone’s mouth as they spoke to you?

“A lot, I think. I fear, to be more precise,” you corrected yourself quickly, wanting him to get a better idea of how you really felt. Maybe Minho could help you figure it out. After all, he was somehow a part of it.

“What’s there to fear?” Minho backed away a bit as if he realized that’s what you needed to speak more freely. “You know me.”

“Exactly,” you nodded quickly. “You’re mean to me, you act like you can’t stand me, you tell me I’m insufferable or that I look like a raccoon, and you can’t stand my morning grumpiness.”

Listing all these things only helped to make Minho feel worse. “I’m an idiot, okay? We’ve agreed on that already. But, I think the teasing is mutual.”

“It is, which is why I’m wondering if it would be a good idea.”

Minho sighed and continued dancing for a while, now looking over your shoulder, but his cheek was still really close to yours, and you could feel his scent all over you. That damn shirt wasn’t helping with how much of his chest it exposed.

After a while, he spoke and seemed in a worse mood than before. “So wait, you’re really going to meet this guy and hook up with him next week and won’t give me a chance? I’m not talking about some party. I want to take you out on a date. “

You gulped at this, unsure of what to tell Minho. Was he serious about this? A date did sound a lot better than meeting someone at a party, but it was Minho. What about Good Guy? “I don’t even know if I'll meet him after all of this.”

“Well, I don't think you should,” Minho said matter-of-factly as if he had any say in it. “I think you should date me instead.”

“Fuck,” the swear word left your mouth the second Minho said that. You weren’t used to men being that straightforward, especially not ones you had such a weird friendship with—if it could be called that—and his bluntness made you swear, which you didn’t really do. “Sorry! I mean damn.”

“Your highness… Didn’t notice you here,” Minho couldn’t help but laugh so sweetly at your slipup.

You thought shooting him a cold glare would help, but he was still chuckling, so you used words instead while trying hard not to laugh. The last thing you wanted was for him to think he was funny. “Stop it.”

“You see, you like my jokes,” Minho grinned again.

“Sometimes.”

“And I think you like my swearing, too,” he shrugged before continuing, “maybe even a bit too much.”

“Don’t think so.”

“Really?” Minho cleared his throat before leaning in again, this time almost brushing his lips against your earlobe. “Didn’t like it when I got close to you in class? Didn’t like hearing about dicks and pussies and cum?”

You hissed as hearing him say the words made your mind run to places it shouldn’t have, not then, not with him. It was your weak spot—dirty talk—and Minho’s already figured it out. “Minho…”

“What? You want me to stop?”

Did you? Or did you want him to keep going, so you could test your limits and find out just how into him you actually were? “I don’t know.”

“Then give it a try… Maybe our chemistry gets even better if we give in,” Minho suggested with eyes that seemed to widen now that his thoughts were out in the open.

“Or maybe it goes away?” You asked the question that’s been on your mind lately. “What if it’s just pent-up frustration from all these years of hating each other?”

Minho nodded before shrugging lightly as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Then it goes away and you go meet your guy next week.”

“And that’s it?”

“I can take no for an answer and I will. I’ve been taking it for a long time now,” Minho explained and looked at you questioningly.

“What changed?”

“You,” he said it easily, without even having to think about it.

“Me?”

“You started to talk to me more without being mean… You laugh at my jokes now… You almost kissed me the other day. Then you did kiss me,” this part made him grin so he paused for a second. “So I guess it’s as good a time as any to try. I know my proposition is a bit out there, but you can’t tell me you don’t want to know how it feels to get railed by me?”

Railed? You coughed, almost choking on your spit. Where did this come from? You were just talking about a date, a single date, and his mind went to this. Railed? Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Minho!” If you sounded scolding, Minho didn’t seem to mind at all, which meant that your original plan had backfired.

“I love it when you say my name… You never say it,” he pretended to pout before smirking, and you couldn’t believe this was what he chose to say, out of everything he could have chosen.

“Minho, Minho, Minho…” you patted his chest gently, hoping he’d take the hint and slow down. If he continued in this direction, you weren’t sure how you’d end it. “I don’t want to get carried away.”

“Okay,” he didn’t seem to like your decision, but he moved away a couple of inches, giving you enough space to breathe without breathing him in. “I’m not here to talk you into anything. I’d just really like for you to try… And see if we have real chemistry.”

“What if we do?” You posed the question that’s been bugging you for a while. What if? You weren’t sure what would happen if there were sparks. How would you two even get along?

“Easy… We date if you want to,” he tilted his head forward and grinned at you until you smiled back.

“Minho… It’s tempting.”

Instead of saying something back, Minho leaned in and kissed your neck. In fact, his lips brushed against your neck, but they were wet, and that sensation made you feel a spark light up deep inside your lower belly, a yearning for him awakening, not that you weren’t thinking about it earlier.

But, you reminded yourself that you were at a frat party and that he kissed your neck in front of everyone, so your mind went into overdrive. Still, you couldn’t say no. You didn’t want to say no when you knew his mouth felt great.

You pushed Minho’s chest away, which had him wincing and apologizing the second your eyes met.

“Not here,” you shook your head and looked around, hoping he’d realize you just couldn’t make out with him among so many people.

“Come,” Minho offered his hand and when you placed your own in his, he sighed and visibly relaxed.

Before you knew it, he was taking you away from the crowd, up the stairs, into a bedroom. He seemed to know this house more than you did, which wasn’t surprising since Hyunjin lived here somewhere.

“We can be here, Hyunjin won’t mind,” Minho informed you as he closed the door behind you and turned on the lights.

“Oh, come on, Hyunjin’s bedroom?” You looked at him like he was crazy. There was no way you were making out or doing anything similar on Hyunjin’s bed.

“It’s this or the closet,” Minho informed you with a smile. “We’re not getting naked in a frat guy’s room, do you know what kind of nasty stuff they do? I don’t even want to go into one of their rooms, let alone do anything else in them. Hyunjin is clean, though.”

“You’re right, this is nasty,” you said, realizing you were having second thoughts.

Weren’t you on the same level as all these frat guys Minho was trashing? You decided to leave the party to hook up with him, even though you two have never done anything sexual before. Out of all the places in the world, you were ready to go make out with him in a frat house.

“Hey no, I didn’t mean us,” Minho took a step closer and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Your highness, you’d collapse if you heard about the things they do.”

“Shut up,” you mumbled at him, but feeling the warmth of his hand on you made you rethink the whole thing. Why not? “The closet then.”

“Really? You’d rather go make out in a closet than use Hyunjin’s bed?” Minho seemed suspicious of your decision because it wasn’t like you at all, and you had to agree with him.

Still, using Hyunjin’s bed just seemed wrong. You had to look the guy in the eye sooner or later. If he turned out to be Good Guy, you could just move to another city at that point because you’d have no way of explaining this all to him.

“He’s your friend,” you informed Minho, in case he’d forgotten.

“Oh, he’d love this for me,” he informed you with a chuckle, which didn’t amuse you at all.

“Oh my god,” you rubbed your forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

“Okay, okay, let’s go then,” Minho tongued his cheek and led the way to the closet he had in mind, which, as you realized was a walk-in closet where the guys from the frat house kept all kinds of stuff, like tools, food supplies, and basically any and everything. Once you walked in, Minho locked the door behind him.

“We don’t want someone drunk to barge in,” he informed you as he turned to face you.

The only light in the room was coming from the glass above the door, which let just enough light in so you could see Minho in the dark, but not enough for him to see every pore on you, even though he was standing right in front of you. That suited you. Seeing less of him would be better, it would help you decide.

“Are you sure about this?” Minho asked, moving in until he was standing right in front of you, bodies touching at the waist.

“Let’s, uh, kiss, and see where it goes from there,” you said, even though you were completely ready to get railed—or whatever term he used—by Minho at that point.

Feeling his mouth on your neck lit something in you, and you were sure he was the only person who could get rid of that feeling for you, at least right then.

Minho nodded and leaned in again, and when his mouth found yourself, you realized you were forgetting everything that happened between you two, between you and Good Guy, and honestly, between you and any other man ever.

All you could focus on was Minho, his lips, his tongue, his hands which found purchase on your body, the way he was breathing into the kiss, shakily, as if he was enjoying it as much as you were, and that scent of his that drove you wild.

You breathed out loudly into the kiss and threw your head back for a second to catch your breath. Somehow, it seemed that you always forgot to breathe when kissing Minho, and it was becoming embarrassing because it seemed you were so into him you were already panting. He seemed to love it though, you could tell by the low chuckle and how his hands grabbed onto your waist tighter.

Instead of letting you rest, Minho leaned in and started playing with your neck again, which instantly made you moan and try to squirm out of his touch. That was your weak spot, the neck, mostly because it got you turned on in seconds.

“Too much?” Minho asked between chuckles, and you nodded, letting him push you backward slowly until your ass touched something that seemed like a desk. “Let’s get rid of this.”

He let go of you, so you breathed a sigh of relief and watched Minho push everything on the desk to the side, allowing enough room for what you guessed would be you. Then, he walked over and stood right in front of you again, leaning in to kiss you, and before you knew it, your tongue was in his mouth and you were grabbing onto that poor excuse of a shirt. It didn’t cover a single thing, and he knew it. So, you found yourself undoing the three remaining buttons, which allowed you easy access to his naked torso, which you instantly took advantage of and touched all over.

Minho didn’t seem to mind. In fact, while you were busy playing with his shirt, he took the opportunity to reach down and squeeze your ass hard before deciding on giving it soft squeezes here and there for good measure. You didn’t fail to notice the grunt he let out when he felt you drag your nails down to the hem of his jeans gently, careful not to leave scratch marks.

“Sure?” It sounded like a question, so you nodded and stopped kissing him, your faces almost touching, eyes concentrated on his eyes as his hands wandered to your front side, under your skirt, pushing it up to pool around your middle. Four of his fingers prodded under the hem of your panties next to your hips and his voice was shaky when he asked you if you were sure one more time.

When you gave him a final nod, Minho pulled your underwear down your thighs and kneeled to get them off of you, so you held onto his shoulders for support and lifted your leg, so he could get your underwear off and hand it to you. It ended up shoved in the pocket of your jacket, the last thing on your mind as Minho stayed in a kneeling position next to your naked lower body.

“Place the jacket on the desk,” Minho instructed, patting the desk right next to your hip. “So you can sit on it.”

You nodded and did as he asked, propping yourself up using your palms to lift yourself off the ground and sit on the jacket-covered desk, feeling self-conscious about Minho getting a good look at your naked crotch. He cocked his head to the side and smirked before looking up at you, which made you look away. “Still sure?”

You sighed with a nod and before you could even react, he leaned in and latched his lips onto your labia, engulfing it with his mouth while moving his tongue up and down your slit, which instantly made you arch your back and moan. Fuck, he was good and he hadn’t even started.

“Ah, Minho,” you couldn’t help but grunt and lean even more backward once he started to suck on your clit. A long suck would be followed by gentle flicking of the tongue against your clit, and this went on for minutes, one and then the other, both making you get wetter by the second until you could feel yourself dripping.

“Fucking finally,” Minho mumbled against your clit before moving down to your hole and teasing you by licking all the way around it, but not touching it. You arching your back didn’t help at all, because he ran his tongue in circles around your entrance, while his nose stayed pressed against your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure to get you to grunt.

“F—fingers,” you grabbed onto his hair and pulled, careful not to cause him pain, but wanting to feel more of him.

Minho chuckled and finally moved away from you, lips glistening with your juices. “Lean back then… On your elbows.”

You did as Minho instructed and used your elbows to support your upper body, forgetting all about shame about having your nemesis’s face in your crotch.

“Legs on the desk,” Minho said next, and you listened to him right away, shame washing over you as you realized you were literally spreading your legs right in front of a man’s face, looking as lascivious as it gets. “Yum.”

You scoffed at the compliment, feeling embarrassed because he addressed the sight, which only made Minho giggle. “What!? It looks great.”

“Fingers,” you decided to instruct him for a change instead of dwelling on his words for too long.

Minho nodded quickly and moved back in, taking two of his fingers in his mouth to wet them and then placing them at your entrance, teasing you with them. He circled your hole a couple of times before easing just the very tips of the two fingers, testing the waters. When he realized you wanted more, Minho pushed the fingers in even further, staring at your face to see whether you were enjoying it.

When his fingers were in all the way, Minho leaned in and started to play with your clit while moving his fingers an inch back and then all the way in. Usually, guys would pull all or almost all the way out and then shove fingers in again, which just felt like you were being fingered by a dry branch. Every time they’d pull out all the way, your hole would get cold and the fingers would dry a bit, so the experience was never as enjoyable as it was when you fingered yourself. But, that was because you knew your own body well and didn't have to perform all sorts of tricks to get yourself to come.

So, when Minho kept his fingers inside all the time and only moved them an inch back before quickly shoving them all the way in, you groaned in pleasure and kicked your head back, realizing this guy could actually get you to come over his fingers.

Chemistry? Unreal. If he managed that, you could already tell you’d drop down to your knees and suck the life out of him.

Minho kept playing with you that way, mouth attached to your clit, fingers lodged inside, moving only slightly, but hard, hard enough to hit that spot that made your toes curl and your mouth say a lot of things you shouldn’t have, including swear words and compliments directed at Minho. Whenever you’d tell him he was doing great, he’d moan against you happily and keep his pace.

“There, there, there,” you couldn’t help saying when his fingers hit that spot so perfectly it caused an avalanche of goosebumps and warmth all over your body, your core achingly releasing around the two slender fingers between your walls. You tugged at his hair, pulling his face even closer in, so Minho sucked on your clit and kept moving his fingers, even though your walls were clenching around him and making it harder for his fingers to move.

Once the contractions stopped and you could see and think clearly again, you quickly pushed Minho away, your clit becoming too sensitive to play so soon, and he obediently moved, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, your juices covering his fingers. “Fuck, that was great… You sound so nice when you moan, who would have thought?”

You scoffed and sat up again, feeling too vulgar practically lying there with legs spread and feet on the table. It took you a while to start breathing normally. “Wow… That was, uh…. Amazing.”

Minho enjoyed the compliment as he sucked his two fingers clean, which made you look away instantly, embarrassed about it as if his head just wasn’t shoved in your crotch. “Don’t.”

“What?” He chuckled. “Don’t want to get it all over you.”

You nodded, and he took the chance to take a step towards you, standing right between your spread legs, and kiss you again, letting you feel yourself on his tongue. When Minho pulled you in closer, you felt just how hard he was against you, and you really wanted to return the favor right away and make him feel as good as he’d just made you feel.

You’d crossed the line already, you might as well cross it fully and in style, so you let your hand wander down to his bulge and squeeze it, which made Minho groan into the kiss loudly before gently biting down on your lower lip. “Fuck,” he said against your lips, making you get goosebumps all over again.

“Me?” You asked, grinning, and Minho eagerly nodded.

“I can?” The way he asked the question made you realize he didn’t expect you’d say yes, which was so funny considering you were still dripping and couldn’t get enough.

When you nodded in response, Minho reached for his wallet from his back pocket and took out a condom, which made you laugh a lot harder than you expected.

“How long’s that been in there?” you asked, hoping he didn’t get it for his 18th birthday or something. Getting pregnant wasn’t on your wishlist, and you weren’t going to risk it for some dick, no matter how turned on you were.

“Six months tops,” Minho explained with a quick nod. “I swear.”

“Okay,” you nodded and looked down, eager to see him get his dick out and put the condom on.

If there was one thing you knew about your preferences, it was that you were an absolute sucker for men touching themselves. If you had to resort to porn to orgasm, it was always male solo videos. There was just something so enticing about seeing naked men touch themselves. If they moaned while doing it, you only needed a couple of strokes to come undone.

Minho handed you the condom, and you held onto it while he undid the button of his jeans and pulled them down his hips, quickly followed by his tight boxer shorts, allowing his erection to spring free. Seeing a dick hard because of you made you chew on your bottom lip and stare at it, completely forgetting that Minho was watching you and your reaction to seeing him naked for the first time.

“Like what you see?” He asked with a chuckle as he took the condom from your hand and ripped the wrapper.

You didn’t move your gaze from Minho’s cock, not even when he expertly rolled the condom over his length and looked at you questioningly. When you noticed he was waiting for you to move or say something, you scoffed and shook your head. “Sorry. Yeah, I, I, I do like what I see.”

“Good,” Minho nodded, using one hand to cup your face and a thumb to rub your cheek gently. “Hope you’ll like the way it feels, too.”

You hummed in agreement and helped him by spreading your legs more so he could come even closer and position himself at your entrance. Minho kept caressing your face as his tip entered you, and you looked at each other for a second before you both looked down to see his dick disappear inside of you, filling you up just right after his fingers.

Minho groaned and grimaced, stopping when he was all the way in just to hiss.

“All good?” You asked, finally looking at his face now that you couldn’t see his dick anymore.

“Yeah, yeah,” Minho breathed out, removing his hand from your face. “Just… So warm. Don’t want to bust a nut right away.”

The thought made you laugh, so he laughed too, and when you looked at each other, you felt some kind of weird warmth all over you. It was Minho, the same Minho who’d annoyed you so much, that you were now letting fuck you, his dick lodged inside you, staring at you with wide eyes and a smile that could make anyone melt. Something was seriously wrong with you.

“Then move slowly,” you suggested and Minho immediately listened, wrapping his arms around you and starting to slowly move in and out, once again not all the way out which you really appreciated.

“Better?” He whispered, leaning in to play with your earlobe. Just hearing him breathe so close to your ear made you get all tense, but his dick instantly fulfilled that need.

“Much,” you whispered back and focused on where your bodies met each other, enjoying the sight of seeing his dick for a second before it disappeared between your walls again. It beat focusing on Minho’s face and the way he was looking at you, that much was certain.

Slowly, but surely, Minho started to thrust harder, his hands keeping you in place, his dick rubbing your walls from the inside, making you see stars all over again. However, he also kept kissing you, kissing your face, your neck, your ears, and it felt so intimate, which wasn’t something you were used to. It’s not that you didn’t like it, far from it, but it was Minho and you were trying to see if there was chemistry there, not fall for him and let him treat you like he’d treat a girlfriend.

“Less kissing, please,” you breathed out after an especially sweet and gentle kiss, which, by the way, was in total contrast to the movement of his hips, and Minho nodded, but you caught the frown.

“Sorry,” he muttered and looked down, starting to build a faster tempo, one that made you moan a lot more, which then made him lean in.

Still, as if he’d just then remembered you asked him not to kiss you, Minho did nothing about it except cup your face and caress your cheek gently. That, in turn, made you get that weird feeling all over again. You were enjoying sex, far from it, it was almost perfect because he was so hard and you hadn’t felt that in so long, but his gentleness was distracting you and taking your mind places it shouldn’t have been going to in the first place.

So, you reached up and placed your hand over his, pulling it away from your face. “Don’t be so sweet and gentle,” you muttered, hoping he’d take the hint and stop treating you so well.

“You really have a complaint about everything related to me, don’t you?” Minho said, but he didn't sound upset. In fact, he sounded amused, as if he didn’t mind you telling him to go easy with the kissing and touching. “Fine, let’s have it your way.”

With that, he pulled out of you gently, careful to hold onto the condom in order not to let it slip. You missed the heat instantly but didn’t want to complain, not after complaining twice. Minho took a good look at you and then he backed away and cocked his head to the side.

“Turn around,” Minho said, moving his finger in circles, which instantly made you push yourself off the table and do what he asked of you. Hearing him use that tone with you was exciting, much more than you expected anything with Minho to be.

“Good?” You asked, unsure of what he had in mind.

He walked up to you from behind, placed a hand on your back, and then gently pushed it down until you had to use your forearms as support, now leaning against the table. Your ass was turned toward Minho, who took the chance to move your skirt up to your waist again and gently ease his dick into you once more, groaning in the process.

When he pulled out of you earlier, you felt the breeze hit you and instantly missed his warmth inside you and around you. So, once he put it back in, you couldn’t help but moan and arch your back, inviting him to enter you even deeper.

“Better?” He asked, placing both hands on your hips and keeping you in place. Finally, he didn’t sound so sweet.

“Much,” you mumbled the words at him, deciding to act like you usually would around him, just to stop feeling all fuzzy when thinking about him. “Don’t have to look at you.”

Minho chuckled and then started to move his hips faster, which made you moan. “I think you love looking at me, which is exactly why you don’t want to do it now. Harder?”

“Yes,” you muttered, thinking about his words. Was that the case?

Then, you stopped thinking for a minute or two as Minho fucked you so hard your hips were hitting the desk over and over again. You were sure you’d wake up with two huge bruises on them, but at that moment, it really didn't hurt. It couldn’t, not when Minho was fucking you so hard and fast while staying fully hard, meaning you were getting all the pleasure you needed without getting the chance to take a deep breath, and you loved it.

“I think I’m so right,” Minho said, pulling out almost all the way just to slam himself into you from behind. “You just don’t want to admit it. Because you’re so proud.”

“I’m not,” you scoffed, but Minho’s hips quickly shut you up. “I can admit if I like someone.”

“So you’re saying you don’t like me?” Minho started to pound into you hard again, and you couldn’t even respond for a couple of seconds—you were too busy enjoying everything his cock was making you feel.

“Don’t… Like… You”, you managed to mumble in between every couple of snaps of his hips, and that seemed to annoy him.

Suddenly, Minho leaned in, pressing his chest against your back and grabbing your neck so he could move your head to the side and make you look at him. “My balls are dripping wet because of you… Who are you lying to?”

“That’s, ah—” you wanted to talk back, but Minho started to smack his hips into your ass from behind, hitting all the right spots. And he was fucking right, you couldn’t remember being this wet before. In fact, you could—it happened whenever you’d get yourself off a couple of times in a row and everything would get wet and messy, but you couldn’t stop even if you felt sensitive. “Me likin—fuck, sec—Jesus! There, there… Sex, not you.”

“You drip this hard for every guy you fuck?” Minho finally slowed down, but his movements were still sharp and rhythmic, not letting you calm down, pushing you closer to the edge with each thrust. “Doubt it.”

“No,” you admitted with a shake of your head, and that seemed to please Minho as he finally let go of your neck. “Just because this is wrong.”

“Wrong?” Minho was smirking when he asked that, you could tell by the way his tone changed. “It’s wrong to fuck me?”

“Yes,” you said, sounding a lot more convinced than earlier. It was, right? You two couldn’t stand each other, but this just proved that your chemistry was unreal, which wasn’t something you were hoping for. If anything, you hoped you’d disappoint each other.

Since Minho had such a big mouth and so much confidence, you felt that he’d be shit in bed, one of those guys who didn’t know how to eat pussy, who’d just give it a couple of licks and think it’s all ready for the main prize, which was their dick that couldn’t stay hard, and they just pumped in and out until they came. Well, he sure proved you wrong.

“Wanna know what’s wrong?” The excitement in Minho’s voice told you you may have fucked up by being that rude.

And soon enough, you realized his plan. He was once again pressed into you from behind, his cock deep inside of you, and now his mouth was hooked onto your shoulder and making its wet and sloppy way up to your neck, which made you arch your back into him even more. “What’s wrong here is you acting so high and mighty all the fucking time…”

With that, he moved his hand down to your crotch and started to play with your clit, which made you clench around him. “Ah, fuck, Minho!”

“Yeah, say my name like that,” he grunted into your skin, sucking onto your neck. “You’re crying for me but you think this is wrong… You can’t even swear yet you asked me to fuck you in the closet of all places. You want me to take you from behind… Not kiss you… Not be nice... You just want someone to rail you. Didn’t I call it?”

“You did,” you admitted, deciding not to comment on everything else he listed because it was all true.

“Good, I like that,” Minho said and started to rub your clit even harder while focusing on the movement of his hips.

“To—too sensitive, ah—, please stop,” you hissed, feeling unable to take the movement of his nimble fingers against you, paired with his dick.

Surprisingly, Minho let go of your clit that instant, but his mouth still stayed glued to your neck, which he licked so well that it made you want to feel his tongue all over.

Instead of wasting time, he sneaked both hands under the front of your shirt and cupped your breasts, squeezing them tight. Then, he started to smack his hips into yours from behind, and all you could do was kick your head back and let him fuck you like that, in a frat house closet, hands all over your body, mouth on you.

“Can you come again?” Minho asked, and you immediately shook your head as a no.

The pressure you were feeling on your bladder was too much, especially considering the temperature in that closet, and you wouldn’t be able to release the muscles and relax.

“Sure?” He asked again, still keeping the same fast pace, hips snapping up and down quickly.

“Sure,” you responded. “Come if you want to.”

“Mhm,” Minho hummed, sinking his teeth into your shoulder and, surprisingly, slowing down. “I want to fuck you more… but I’m really close.”

“Come for me then,” you suggested and Minho wrapped his right arm around you, pulling you into his chest from behind and grabbing onto your breast, while he used the other one to pull on your hair in a way that made you turn the side of your face to him so he could look at you, you guessed.

“You’re so tight around me,” he mumbled and kept moving slowly, bottoming out with every thrust of his hips. “Want to keep going, ngh… All night… Like this…”

You didn't say anything to that. Instead, you kept moaning and enjoying the warmth of his dick inside of you and the tone he was using with you, so soft and mellow, breathy, shaky.

It went on for a couple of more minutes, after which Minho’s breathing got heavier and the movement of his hips faster until he moaned loudly, pressing you into him even harder, and then suddenly stopping his movement as he released into the condom, your walls wrapped around him, wet and warm.

“Fuck, oh, fuck,” was all Minho could mutter when he moved his hips a couple of more times and gently pulled out.

While you stood there regaining your breath and trying to calm down, you heard Minho remove the condom, wrap it, and throw it in the trash. You weren’t sure what to say to him at all, so you got your underwear from the jacket pocket and put it on, feeling all wet and slimy and gross. After that, you pulled your skirt down, fixed your bra and shirt, and put your jacket on.

By the time you turned around to face Minho, he was standing there fully dressed, hands in pockets, leaning against the wall with a smile on his face.

You cleared your throat, feeling your heart beat louder and louder with every passing moment of silence. “I, uh, I’m gonna go home. Feel like I need a shower.”

Minho nodded in agreement. “Me too. Can I walk you home?”

“No,” you immediately turned the offer down and regretted it the second you saw his expression. “I’ll get an Uber or something.”

“Want to share?” he offered his company once again, cocking both eyebrows up.

“No,” you turned him down again.

It wasn’t anything personal—you just felt like you had to get out of there as soon as possible so you could think about all of it without Minho being there, looking at you so sweetly with those big eyes of his, without staring at his mouth that could kiss and suck so well, or the hands he knew how to use perfectly. All of it was clouding your judgment, and once it was out of your system, you’d be able to see things clearer.

“Can you unlock the door?” You asked, remembering that he’d locked it earlier, to which Minho instantly sprang up and did as you asked.

When you went to leave, he raised his hand in front of your body, stopping you from passing through. “Just a second.”

“Yeah?” you looked up at him, afraid of whatever he was going to say. You weren’t ready to have any kind of a serious conversation with him right then.

“Are we good?” Minho asked with a sigh while frowning. “You’re…. Acting weird. I’m not sure if I said or did something to ma—”

“Minho, it’s all good,” you patted his chest. “I just have to… Think about everything.”

“The chemistry and all?” he suggested with an eyebrow up, and you knew very well you were both aware of the raging chemistry between you.

“Just all of it,” you explained and nodded. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? I feel really weird now. Like you suddenly completely changed your mind and now regret this,” Minho said, and you could hear the fear in his voice.

“I… I don’t know,” you tried to be as honest as possible. “That’s why I’d like to leave and think.”

Minho nodded, and you walked out of that closet and the house in less than a minute, trying to get as far away from him and everything related to him as possible. You couldn’t think straight, not when he was around.

if you enjoy reading my stories, please consider supporting me using buymeacoffee. thank you! :)

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sunshobix · 4 years ago

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All fics are cross-posted onto my wattpad which you can find here!

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sunshobix · 4 years ago

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puzzle piece | jk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, angst, ANGST

word count: 1.8k

description: you just seemed to fit like a puzzle piece

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You don’t really remember where or how it started. The desire to love, to be loved. Of course, it is simply human nature, the ancient thought that when you are made you are split in two and you spend your life searching for your other half. Except in this day and age that is a thing of the past for some, they simply spend their life by themselves and they enjoy it. But where does that desire go? Surely it just doesn’t disappear – perhaps theirs gets projected onto the one that comes after them. The double desire to find and be loved. The double desire that eats away at them all night and is quickly put on the back burner during the day when they find a measly distraction. If that’s the case, then you are the one that came after. Growing up you were not deprived of love; your parents loved every bone of you, and you had a fair share of friends who would do anything to see you smile. But it all started when you hit the age of dating, everyone seemed to have it so easy, but you always went for the wrong guy or the guy who loved another or you were simply left alone in the corner of the dance while everyone slowed danced and the teachers watched with hawk eyes to make sure they didn’t get too close. No really. 9th grade, the boy who had asked you conveniently got back with his ex while you went to the toilet, and worst of all you couldn’t go cry in the toilets because you had just come out of them!

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sunshobix · 4 years ago

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Always the Bridesmaid (m)

→ pairing: writer taehyung x reader (ft. seokjin)

→ genre: enemies to lovers, smut, angst, fluff, holiday/christmas

→ word count: 34.1k (im so sorry i dont do one shots lmao)

→ scenario: When you first meet Kim Taehyung, you’re determined to find every reason you can to hate him—or maybe he’s just looking for ways to get on your last nerve. But when a turn of events has the two of you working the wedding of the man you’re hopelessly in love with, you’re too late to realize the real reason to hate Kim Taehyung is because of the latest column he’s secretly writing: “Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride”, and it’s all about you.

→ warnings: unrequited love (reader has feelings for her boss), tae is a cynic who hates marriage and christmas but isn’t afraid to call oc out on her bullshit, angry sex kinda?, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, mentions of cheating (in the past), tae kinda uses the reader a lil bit, happy ending tho so !!

→ a/n: this is part of a winter wedding season, collab two of christmas in july hosted by @kookdiaries, @kithtaehyung, and @xiaokoo and based off of the movie 27 Dresses. i was beyond excited when i saw this movie on the collab list! as a hopeless romantic, 27 dresses was a childhood favorite of mine and one i could watch over and over again. bc i love the movie so much, i had a hard time separating it from my own work and deciding if i should switch things up or not mess with this classic masterpiece of a plot lol. so i ended up doing a little bit of both! if youve seen the movie (and remember it as well as i do lmao) some beginning scenes may be the same in order to establish the plot and whatnot, but as the story continues i definitely tweak some things and make it my own :“) regardless, i hope you enjoy this christmas themed romcom!

→ another a/n bc i talk too much: HOLY SHIT ITS FINALLY HERE!!! writing this has been the biggest challenge for myself as a writer, though i definitely dont regret it bc i met some amazing people and found out i can write 34k in two months?? omg??? tho im worried it feels rushed and i havent had time to edit it, so pls excuse literally everything in this fic sdfjkd a HUGE thank you to @mercurygguk for letting me scream endlessly to you, im so happy we became friends and i wouldnt have been able to push through this without you!! <3

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sunshobix · 4 years ago

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Puddle of Love ‖ four

A trip to see Jungkook's mother brings you a lot closer to the guy you have nothing in common with. Maybe that's what makes your last party together turn sour.

⤑ word count: 8k ⤑ genre: (a whole lot of) angst, mature topics, friends to lovers, rockstar!au, mentions of terminal illness ⤑ rating: 18+ ⤑ playlist

» Puddle of Love (rocker!jk) – one | two | three | four

Kijung decided the guys did a great job and he let them have another ten days off since they were making more progress than expected. From what you understood, Jungkook was told to stay at the island while everyone else was free to leave, and a part of you felt happy that he’d be staying, even though it was selfish. It meant that you two would get to be alone in the villa again, spend the days together, go to the beach, walk around together, have meals together,and just exist without other people’s eyes on you.

Still, it meant that Jungkook still didn’t have Kijung’s confidence and that he wasn’t allowed to go see his friends or family. Instead, he was stuck here. Despite everything, he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to be happy with Kijung’s decision too.

That’s how you found yourself in the pavilion the night after they all left for London for their connecting flights to their country of choice. Jungkook wasn’t in a great mood, probably because he still wasn’t allowed to leave, but even the silence was enjoyable when you two were together next to each other. You’d noticed that somewhere along the way, someone had brought the two loungers closer together, the two that you two would always use, and they were now so close that you were almost lying next to each other. Neither one of you mentioned the change since you didn’t seem to mind it.

It was a windy night, and the sounds of waves crashing against the beach were all you could hear until Jungkook decided to speak. You’d learned that he appreciated silence sometimes and that he would speak when he was ready.

“What if one day you're just alone in the world?” Jungkook asked out of the blue, clearly pondering the meaning of life or something equally unexpected. “Like, you wake up and there's no one.”

“I… I don't know,” you responded immediately, not really sure what he meant by this. What would you do? “That is such a scary thought, I can’t even tell you what I’d do. Why do you ask?”

“I think that's how I'll feel when my mother dies,” Jungkook said matter-of-factly even though the thoughts was deeply disturbing.

“What?” The word left your mouth before you could even think about his response, but the train of thought was confusing you.

“My mother has cancer,” Jungkook’s voice didn’t give off any emotion, but his face did, and you couldn’t look away from it. If he was trying to hide how much this hurt, he failed.

“I didn’t know about that, I am very sorry to hear it,” you said, wanting to reach out and touch his hand, like that would mean anything. You’d never touched him that way before, ever, only when you danced, but it was a different setting. This was a boundary that neither one of you had crossed. “How is… How is she doing?”

“It's okay,” he sighed and glanced your way, as if he was trying to get you to see that he was okay when he was clearly not. He then looked at the sky again, the stars providing an appropriate excuse not to face you. “You should see how nonchalant she is when she talks about it. You’d never guess it. She’s holding up, I guess.”

The only mention of his mother was when he told you what his mom thought about meeting someone who was right for him. You didn’t know if they were close or not, but it was something he didn’t mention a lot, and you now knew why. “Is that what's hurting you? It’s not just replacing Kyubok. You’re afraid of this, too.”

“Maybe this is small town thinking, but I think your family are the only real friends you have. I don’t know if you’ve lost some friends along the way, but I think we all do. You think this person cares about you, but they’d throw you under the bus for the right price, there’s always some hidden interests there, people always put themselves first. But family… They're the only ones who have your best interest at heart. They’re not out there giving advice that could hurt you, just so they could get something out of it,” he explained, speaking about it as passionately as he did about music, bringing his whole body into it, getting upset. “And to lose someone like that who means so much is just… The equivalent of being all alone in the world.”

“I’m very sorry, Jungkook,” you told him, finally finding some courage to reach out and place your palm over his. At that moment, it didn’t feel like you were being inappropriate. It wasn’t about you two anymore, it’s about him needing a friend. “I hope you won’t lose your mom.”

“I hope so too,” he said, flipping his palm so that he could intertwine his fingers with yours. And so you stayed like that, hand in hand, for a long time, so long that you almost fell asleep, lulled by the sounds of the waves against the beach, the wind rustling in the trees around you, and the warmth of his hand against yours.

You suddenly wondered how Jungkook felt about being stuck here when he could be spending this time with his mother. He was clearly losing her, otherwise he wouldn’t be worrying about being left alone in the world, which was a terrifying thought.

“Is Kijung not letting you go see her?” You asked, fearing his answer. If Kijung really did that, you’d have no choice but get involved. Nobody could be that cruel. Yeah, Puddle of Love were important, sure, but wasn’t this more important than anything to Jungkook?

“Kijung told me not to leave,” Jungkook sighed, clenching your hand for a second.

“I think those instructions were set to stop you from repeating Berlin. Seeing your mom isn’t that,” you said, hoping you weren’t crossing any boundaries here. It seemed like he was suffering over this—who wouldn’t be? If this could help him feel better, why not try?

“Honestly, I think it's an excuse,” Jungkook admitted, turning his head to face you, making you realize just how close you were to him then. You felt the urge to reach and cup his face, hold him, tell him it would be okay but you couldn’t do that. You’d already told him you couldn’t cross that line with him and he respected your decision—now you just had to respect it too. He didn’t touch you, hug you, kiss you, or do anything similar even though he wanted to, he’s told you that much himself.

“Why an excuse?”

“On my end, I mean,” he looked away with a sigh. “I didn’t exactly tell them about the whole situation. I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Oh... I understand… Is there a reason why you don’t want to tell them? Because I’m sure they’d let you go home.”

“I think I don't want to see her disappearing right in front of me. The last time I saw her, she’d already changed so much. I’m afraid to see her now. It becomes real when I do.”

He didn’t manage to hide the pain in his voice and he didn’t have to, not around you, at least. You couldn’t imagine how he felt and you couldn’t do much for him, other than listen.

“Jungkook, I don't want to say this but I have to... You should go see her if you don't think there's time left. You'll be sorry if you don't,” you looked at him, waiting for him to look back, which he did soon after, his eyes welling with tears.

“I can't think about this,” he said, a tear escaping his eye, his hand flying up to wipe it with the sleeve of his shirt, the heavy breaths serving as a clear sign of him trying to hold it together. “I can't see a skeleton that used to be my mom.”

You weren’t sure what to say to that because you were in no place to give advice on that. What would you do if you were him? Did that even matter?

Jungkook sobbed and you could tell he was trying to fight the tears as hard as he could, but this was clearly something he rarely spoke about and once he said it to another person, it became a lot more real. You understood how the things that hurt you the most hurt even more when you speak about them.

You hoped he didn’t feel like he had to hold it in because of you, so you spread your arms out as a sign that it was okay if he wanted to lean in for a hug, that it was okay to cry, and he did exactly that—leaned in, rested his head against your chest and cried. You wrapped your arms around him, bringing one up to pet his head and rocked gently from side to side, letting him cry all he wanted.

After all, there was no one there but you and the staff, who had already gone to bed and didn’t care about the two of you out in the pavilion. You weren’t sure how long you stayed there, but every tear of his hurt you like it was something that was happening to you personally. You hated to see someone who was so ecstatic and full of life break down in tears like this, be in so much pain over something he would never be able to change.

It was a normal part of life, death and the pain that came with it, but you hated it, and you knew he did too. There was nothing you could say to make it better, so you held him close and let him cry it out, caressing his hair, hoping it brought him at least some comfort.

“I have to go see her,” he mumbled into your chest, showing no signs of moving away from you, even though the tears had stopped. “You’re right.”

“I think you can go whenever you need to, Kijung wouldn’t mind,” you explained and he pulled away, wiping his face with his sleeves, refusing to look at you at first.

“I think so too,” he nodded, looking down at his thighs, looking like a child with puffy eyes, wet cheeks, quivering lips. You wanted to help so much, but you knew you couldn’t.

“Please, come with me,” he asked, finally looking at you. His eyes were no longer empty, they now looked full of pain, bloodshot and tired. “I feel like shit. And I'll surely use, I’ll want to feel better.”

That’s how you found yourself in his mother’s living room, sitting down on the couch next to Jungkook while she rested on the sofa across from you two, the staff he hired to help her bringing you all some tea and cookies.

“I would have made the tea myself and served it to you, but I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather,” she explained with a smile and nodded at you. Jungkook was right—you’d never tell she was battling something so scary and dangerous. She seemed small and fragile, but other than that, there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with her. “So happy to have you here. I’m sure it was you who told Jungkook to come. I’ve been wanting to see him for a long time but he always had an excuse.”

“Ah, madam, no, he… Uh, Jungkook,” you shot him a glance just to find him grinning because it was just like he told you it would be. “He said he wanted to come see you and since we’re stuck together making music, he wanted me to come meet you too. He said we’d get along.”

“I see why he would think that,” she smiled over the cup of tea and took a small sip. She had held him in her arms for what seemed like hours once he walked through the door, unannounced. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw someone so genuinely happy like the two of them were to finally see each other.

You felt like an intruder for a second, but it wasn’t a bad feeling since you got to see what Jungkook was actually like, without all the fakeness that came with the image.

His mom went through all the standard questions of how he was eating, sleeping, how his friends were doing, what he was up to, was he taking care of himself, and she asked to be introduced to you.

She pulled you in for a warm hug, and you understood what Jungkook meant when he said she was warm—that was exactly how you’d describe her personality. Nobody could ever feel unwanted around her, just her smile was enough to reassure anyone.

“So, you two have been friends for a long time?”

“No, mom,” Jungkook shook his head at her and then glanced your way. “We started working on music together this summer. You know I got sent to the island to calm down a bit…”

His mother decided to ignore the last remark, having stated earlier that it was time for him to get his act together if he wanted to be taken seriously. Jungkook clearly appreciated honesty because he was used to getting it at home. “It seems like you know each other well,” she said, cocking an eyebrow up and inspecting both of you one by one, causing you both to squirm.

“We spend a lot of time together, writing,” Jungkook explained, clearing his throat. “You get to know people that way since you have to share your lyrics with them. Besides, we’re the only people there, so we see each other every day.”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful!” She exclaimed, now looking at you. “I like your music. His, not so much. Always bringing up women, alcohol, and all the things that, frankly, no mature person even cares about.”

“Well, women can hurt you, you have every right to write about them,” Jungkook explained, leaning back into the couch, seemingly relaxing. You loved the dynamic of their relationship and it also helped you understand him a bit better.

Their communication was direct, so it was no wonder he expected the same from everyone else. After all, he was always frank with others, too.

“And which women hurt you? Please,” his mom almost rolled her eyes at him, but her words just made both of you chuckle, for different reasons, you presumed. “Don't talk in front of this lady like that, you might put her off and I know it’s the last thing in the world you want to do. Always putting on this front!”

You found it funny that she worried so much about the impression he would make on you. “Don't worry, madam, it's all good,” you smiled at her warmly, hoping she knew it was okay and you didn’t take it seriously.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Jungkook said, now looking at you from the side, but you were looking at his mom, not wanting to offend her by staring at her son. He used your real name when he introduced you two and he used it again now, making your heart skip a beat. “She… I’ve managed not to put her off. Actually, she knows that I’m ready to clean up my act for her. She doesn’t want that yet, but when she does, she will let me know. Someday, I’ll be a normal guy, trustworthy, reliable, and maybe she’ll be ready then.”

His words took you aback so much that you had to turn your head to the side to face him. You knew that he felt something for you, clearly, and you told him how you felt about him, but that’s where you left things off. It couldn’t work and you wouldn’t try. That’s why hearing him say this out loud to the person that meant the most to him was so surprising. You didn’t know he felt all of this. Surprise was written all over your face, but he smiled at you warmly, like he always did.

“Now, that sounds lovely, but why don’t you start working on it now?” His mother suggested, making you both turn to face her. “There might not be a someday, or when it comes, it might be too late,” she looked at Jungkook knowingly and it seemed like she was waiting for him to say something, but he wasn’t going to since he was taking her words in. “If you know what you want, work for it while you have the chance.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After the one-day trip you took to the hometown to see his mother, you went back to the island. Kijung told you he’d appreciate it if you came back with Jungkook, just because he felt Jungkook was doing a lot better when he wasn’t on his own. Even if he hadn’t asked, you would have come back with him just because you’d be afraid he’d get sad and lonely after spending time with his mother.

You didn’t know her before, so you weren’t sure what she looked like before she got sick, but she did seem really thin now and she got tired easily. Her mind was all there and she could walk, though slowly, and barely make it from the door to the chair before getting tired, but it was something.

Still, you understood why Jungkook would feel terrible after visiting her. Life was feeble and seeing your loved ones sick just served as proof of that. He seemed to be holding up well, though.

He didn’t say much on your way back or during the afternoon, but he joined you at the pavilion and played some music for you. Neither one of you said much, but for the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel lonely. It felt just right to be next to someone, enjoying the moment with them without worrying about anything else.

You’d never felt that way with someone before and it scared you—mostly because it was Jungkook who made you feel that way, the charming, lovable Jungkook who remembered how you liked your coffee and pancakes, who’d bring his leather jacket on a walk, knowing you’d stay out too long and get cold, who’d go running into the waves with you fully clothed, laughing and enjoying life like you were two children without a worry in the world.

You couldn’t think of him as that person you saw only in articles, the person who was always talked about as an addict, a guy with a drinking problem, a guy who was always seen with different girls, a guy with a big mouth who got the entire band into trouble, a problematic kid who refused to grow up. You didn’t see any of that in him anymore, not after spending so much time with him and him alone, after getting to hear what kind of a person was hiding behind all of that.

Everyone had a fake persona, so did you, and you were sure people who got to know you better were surprised that you weren’t the same person your company wanted you to be. You had issues too. You avoided getting close to people, you feared losing them. You ran from any kind of feeling or commitment, using your career as an excuse.

After all, you chose to spend your summer at the villa instead of your hometown, where you could be with your friends and family, where you could date and have fun, rekindle an old romance or just live life. People who listened to your music surely didn’t think of you as that kind of a person, let alone one that could fall in love with Jeon Jungkook without ever touching him.

Not long after, the rest of Puddle of Love joined you again, and later on, so did Red Peaches. Jungkook and you spoke often, and spent time alone whenever you could without talking about it in front of the others. It was like a secret that you were trying to keep, afraid of it getting ruined if you let anyone else in.

Andre knew, though.

He knew you well by now and he expressed his worry on numerous occasions, trying to make you understand that Jungkook was a guy who wanted to have fun, and fun only, but you didn’t want to discuss it—you knew that he wouldn't make a move. You talked about it and decided it was for the best if nothing happened, yet your heart skipped a beat when you’d touch each other in passing, or when his fingers would brush against yours.

Once, you two had some wine in the pavilion, listened to music, and held hands. You weren’t sure how it happened, but you were lying on the loungers and the topic was a sensitive one and you spoke about your friend back home, and Jungkook held your hand, making you feel safe and heard.

Another time, during the day, you played cards on the beach, and Jungkook moved a lock of your hair behind your ear and both of you froze when he touched you like that—if he’d made a move then, you would have given in. It was excruciating to look at him and want him that much, but not be able to act on it, knowing it would amount to nothing in the end, knowing one of you would leave the villa sooner or later and that real life was waiting for you out there.

The guys decided it would be a good idea to throw a party to celebrate not only the fact that both of you now had almost complete albums ready, but that things seemed to be looking up for you. Kijung had done wonders for their image, and so did the fact that Jungkook wasn’t seen in public at all and some of the other guys did some charity work while on vacation. They recorded a cover of Toto’s Hold the Line and won over everyone who listened to it, and some of them posted content on their joint Instagram account.

Jungkook had made two posts in total over the course of the summer—a picture of the night sky taken with a professional camera, a view of what you watched together almost every night in awe, and a couple of lines from a Bukowski poem, which got even more women to absolutely adore him.

“...in that drunken place

you would

like to hand your heart to her

and say

touch it

but then

give it back.”

A part of you wanted to think that was dedicated to you in some way, but you could never be sure with him. It was strange to think that this guy who was known as a serial player was the same guy you spent most of your days with, the guy who told you he wanted to be with you, but that he knew you were too good for him, the guy who didn’t want to taint what you have by making a move on you.

You were now involved with Jungkook in some weird way—it was completely platonic, but strangely, more real than anything you’ve taken part in before.

There were some new faces at the party since Kijung and Andre were in a good mood and let you all invite some people. You invited Hoseok and his girlfriend, which wasn’t a smart choice because they’d gotten lost before you had your third drink. Jungkook was surrounded by his friends and some girls most of the night, but you caught him glancing your way whenever you’d look in his direction.

That night, he reminded you so much of the playboy you were used to seeing in the news after a concert, mostly because he’d done his hair that way, leaving it curly, covering the left side of his face, while showing off the undercut on the right. He was wearing leather again and light skinny jeans that hugged his body perfectly, letting everyone see his muscular thighs whenever he moved. His t-shirt wasn’t tight at all, yet you could tell his body was chiseled.

He had a cigarette in his mouth and talked to Taehyung about something without lighting it, and even though you hated cigarettes, you found it attractive. You found everything about him attractive, but most of all his vulnerability. Men scared you—they could be cruel, ruthless, intimidating, scary, but not him. Jungkook wasn’t afraid to talk about things that hurt and you rarely saw that.

You found yourself watching him from afar, unconsciously at first. People would come and go, talk to you about something and leave, but through it all, you kept your eyes on him, realizing that it would all be over soon. This man would have to leave and go back to his life, put on shows every couple of nights, have women throwing themselves at his feet, use alcohol and illegal substances to fill the voids he was running away from, over and over again, and you wouldn't be there to spend time with him, to hold hands with him and gaze at the stars, and he wouldn’t be there to make you feel like someone knows the real you.

Maybe that was it—you let each other see the real you while you put up a front for everyone else, not wanting others to sense weakness. Still, you had no issues with exposing your fears and having the other accept that without questioning any part of it. Now you’d have to get used to being without that.

All these depressing thoughts had you drinking a lot more than usual, and Jungkook seemed to be drinking more as well. Andre didn’t care about anyone else’s drinking habits, but he had his eye on you, and he came over to advise that you should quit drinking while you were ahead. He was right, surely, but you needed to drink until you forgot all about leaving the island soon—you couldn’t think of it anymore, you couldn’t dread it. You told him you were on vacation, you were way ahead of schedule, and just wanted to have fun. Of course, fun was the furthest thing away from what you were having, but you couldn’t tell him that. It would entail explaining why and how you stupidly fell for Jeon Jungkook and now had to suffer as a consequence.

Deciding that you needed to dance it off, you joined Jimin and some people you’d never met and danced like no one was watching, jumping around, screaming the lyrics, drinking whatever drink was handed to you, mixing drinks you’d never even think of mixing. You rarely acted like that, but did it even matter? Nobody here cared about you and they were acting far worse most of the time. It felt like you’d danced with almost everyone in the room, even though you didn’t know any of the guests that the bands invited. Did knowing someone even matter? Why couldn’t you dance with people and for at least a second forget who you were, what image you were trying to sell, and what feelings you were trying to bury?

Jimin was in the same mood as you—you noticed that you’d danced with him more than with everyone else combined, mostly because others took breaks and you and Jimin were constantly on the makeshift dance floor. You didn’t know that much about him—not more than the rest of his band mates—but you didn’t feel weird dancing with him. He was full of energy and he knew how to make his dancing partner feel like the center of attention.

“It’s you again!” He’d jump up whenever he’d run—or dance—into you on the floor and grab your hands to start dancing. At a certain point, you two tried to think of the dumbest dance moves you knew an you had a really idiotic dance-off with the other one screaming with laughter while one performed.

You two screamed the lyrics at each other and jumped around, spilling the drinks that somehow got in your hands and then laughed about it. Some strangers kept bringing you new drinks, one time even Taehyung brought two over, so even if you spilled one, you’d soon have a replacement one. Still, it felt like more drinks ended up on the floor than in you, which was probably a good thing.

“You spilled it all over your shirt,” Jimin leaned in to whisper and then laughed, as if he said something funny.

“So did you,” you told him, which made him laugh even more, so much so that he leaned in, rested his head against your shoulder, and laughed hysterically.

“Should I take it off?” He suggested, unbuttoning the first button of his shirt. “Wait! What do you think, how many buttons will it take for Andre to come here and beat my ass?”

Now, that idea was hysterical to you, mostly because you could easily see it happen. If Andre thought Jungkook was a bad influence, he’d think Jimin was an even bigger threat, mostly because he had a lot more experience than Jungkook. In your eyes, he was also a bigger danger than Jungkook—Jungkook never made any kind of move and he seemed to respect the thing you two had far too much to do that. Jimin, on the other hand, didn’t care at all. Of course, you didn’t even think he was hitting on you—he was just a drunk guy dancing and having fun.

“I don’t want to support public nudity, but…” You let your voice wander off and chuckled. “If you want to test it, we might find out. I say three, Andre is extra cautious!”

Jimin kicked his head back and laughed. When he calmed down a bit, his face suddenly turned completely serious and he stopped smiling altogether. In a second, you saw why.

Out of nowhere, Jungkook appeared right in between the two of you. He did so without a word, which made you both stop jumping. Sober Jungkook was such a vibe killer when you were drunk and you told him that. You didn’t notice when, but Jimin walked away, so it was just the two of you in the middle of the dance floor. You thought you’d get an Andre-style lesson from him, but Jungkook cocked his head to the side and just grinned.

“You need to get some fresh air and chill,” he said firmly, but made it sound warm. “You might regret partying harder than the rest of us tomorrow.”

“I won’t regret a thing, Jeon Jungkook,” you said, lifting your chin higher and shaking your head. For some reason, you felt upset with him, upset that he would continue with his life, that he’d be okay and you wouldn’t. “But I’ll walk outside if you insist.”

And walk out you did, with him right behind you, watching your every move. You stepped out, feeling chilly as soon as you got away from the warm living room, the people, the music, the alcohol. Jungkook took off his jacket and threw it over your shoulders, his scent engulfing you instantly. It made you take a deep breath to feel more of it.

“This smells just like you,” you said, making him laugh.

“Makes sense considering it was just on me,” he shook his head and placed a hand on your lower back as you made your way to the pavilion over the rocks in the garden. He acted like you could fall any minute, but you were far from that. You just wanted to forget, that’s it. “Are you okay?”

You didn’t say anything as he sat down on the lounger, which made him look at you questioningly. A part of you felt annoyed with him for asking—he knew you weren’t okay. He knew everything. In fact, he was the only one who understood.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You said, sitting down on the lounger right next to him, instead of choosing the one opposite him like you usually would. Your choice of seating didn’t go unnoticed—his raised eyebrow told you as much. “Because you’re leaving soon?”

Jungkook chewed on his lower lip for a second and then glanced at you. “I thought it might be about that.”

“What?” You asked, sensing a lot of spite in your voice, but unable to hold it back.

“Your behavior,” he shrugged, lighting a cigarette, reading you like he knew you better than anyone else. “You do drink, but not as much as you did tonight. You dance, but not with strangers. You have fun and joke around, but not with Jimin. I thought something was up, guess now I know.”

“Maybe I just wanted to have some fun,” you told him, reaching out to take the cigarette from his hand. Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he let you take it and watched you intently as you brought it up to your mouth and took a long puff, feeling relief as it hit your lungs, which surprised him even more. He probably expected you to start choking and coughing, but he didn’t know you as well as he thought he did.

“What?” You shot him a spiteful glance. “I used to smoke before all of this. Thought it was cool. All the hot guys did it,” you said, chuckling as you remembered the times you spent going out with your friends, having fun, not worrying about a damn thing, assuming life would always be like that. “Stupid, I know. I stopped as soon as I got this deal. I didn’t even do it because I liked it, it was more of a peer pressure type of thing, except I was the one pressuring myself. Good thing I got out before they got into drugs, right?”

You laughed at that, but Jungkook didn’t. He just kept his eyes on you, his elbows resting on his knees, his head turned in your direction, carefully inspecting you, listening to you open up even more. Everything about him annoyed you—the fact that he looked so flawless while you looked like a drunken, sweaty mess, the way his locks fell over his eyes, the way he made that many piercings seem appealing when they were, in fact, ridiculous, and the way he looked at you like he cared about your well-being. You didn’t want him to care—it would be so much easier.

“Anyways… I’m not the good girl you think I am. Why wouldn’t I drink and dance and have fun with Jimin? I can do it with any guy out here, as long as he’s willing and single. What’s the fucking point anyway? It’s not like any of us can have a meaningful… anything while we do this for a living,” the words came out in a bitter tone, and you weren’t aware of just how bitter until you noticed Jungkook frowning at you. Tears were starting to prick your eyes, but not because you were sad. No, they were angry tears—you were mad at yourself for falling for Jungkook so fully, mad at the world for playing tricks on you, mad at him for having to leave soon. “What, you don’t like hearing that?”

“No,” he shook his head slowly, looking down at the floor, still facing you. “I just… If you want to have fun like that, you can just tell me. There’s no need to flirt with Jimin or any of the other guys if I’m here,” he said, staring right into your eyes and you knew exactly what he was suggesting. “Now, you can pretend you don’t like me, but I know. You can’t hide feelings for shit either, don’t think it’s just me. I think all of this is your way of dealing with this being over soon. Going back to the real world. Performing. Being strangers again.”

“Jungkook, if I did that with you… It wouldn’t be harmless fun for either one of us,” your voice almost failed you when you said that because the realization hit you hard. You weren’t sure why you were giving him this attitude when the way he was looking at you told you he was suffering, but keeping it together since it was clear you were wasted. He reached out to take the cigarette from you and his touch sent shivers down your hand—he felt so warm. “It would be… Feelings. And how would I just forget it? If it were any of them, I wouldn’t think about it twice tomorrow. But you… I already can’t stop.”

This was the closest you’d ever gotten to telling him how you felt, but there was something inside of you that assured you it wasn’t necessary to say it out loud, just like he didn’t need you to admit it—you just both knew, and that was the tragedy of it all. Jungkook took a smoke and returned the cigarette to you, exhaling in the other direction but quickly looking back at you.

“I don’t want feelings,” you spoke again, realizing he was either still processing what you’d said or just didn’t want to indulge your spitefulness, because that’s exactly what it was—you were saying things to spite him because you were the one who was hurt. You threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it, putting it out. “I don’t want you to tell me how you feel about me, you get it?”

Jungkook gulped and nodded, still keeping quiet and just watching your erratic behavior. You felt like you were losing it, unable to express how you truly felt, and realizing there was no point in any of it. Even if you told him everything, nothing could be done. He’d leave, you’d leave, and life would go on.

You got up and started walking away, but then you stopped dead in your tracks. What were you doing? Did you really want to leave a sad Jungkook sitting here all on his own when you two felt the same way? It didn’t seem like he deserved it.

You walked back to where he was still sitting, now in awe because of you standing right in front of him. Instead of speaking, you reached out and placed a hand on his cheek, enjoying the warmth and softness of his skin, the look in his eyes breaking you—so empty and sad, because of your words, you were sure. You were never so brave to touch him like that, even though you’d held hands before. This was different, intimate.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook was the first to speak. “I know this is all because of me.”

“It’s not,” you told him, knowing it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just the way life works. “I mean, it is and it isn’t, but that’s not the point. I’m just sad tonight. All this time… We would sit here and stargaze and I felt like there was someone here with me. Understood. And today, tonight, now, I feel all alone again because I know you’ll leave, and I hate that I let this happen.”

“It happened on its own,” Jungkook tried to explain it, looking up at you, placing his hands on your waist, warming you up. The worst part about all of this was that Jungkook knew exactly what you were talking about, even though you weren’t making any sense. Why did he have to know you that well, why did he have to show it off? “I mean, what did you expect? What would you like, to spend that much time in a guy’s mind, go through every thought of his, pick it apart, hand it back to him neatly packaged and explained, making it finally make sense, and not have him fall for you? It doesn’t work like that, but it’s not your fault. I hate that you feel sad, though. I had a feeling you would. I kept watching you all night, and the more you drank, the worse I knew you felt. You know how?”

The grip his arms had on your hips now tightened, as if he was trying to keep you close and comfort you. “Because I felt like I was watching myself. You drink and act like a fool until you can’t think straight, and then you just stop thinking, but you wake up tomorrow and it’s all there, so the whole thing was all pointless. Just because you drank and danced with everyone won’t make you forget this. Even if you left with one of them, you wouldn’t be able to forget. It’s pointless.”

“Jungkook,” you cried out, feeling like you were about to start sobbing. He was the cause and the key to all your problems, but there was no real solution. You could have him whenever you wanted, but there was an expiry date attached to it, and once it was over, it would hurt forever and you’d have to write to get over him, but seeing him would make it much more difficult. “Stop saying it. I don’t want to know,” you shook your head and slowly eased yourself down until you were sitting on his leg, your hands on the sides of his neck, holding his head up. “The more I know, the worse it feels. If I leave with you, I will never, ever get over it. This is already hard to beat, all of it. I’ve learned that you don’t have to be naked in front of someone for them to know you intimately—you’ve never touched me and I feel like you know me better than I know myself sometimes, which is insane. We’ve known each other for a couple of months! That’s nothing. It’s not enough to know someone at all. You’re… you. I can’t know a guy like you, everyone keeps telling me that, but I feel like I do.”

Jungkook sighed, not taking his eyes off of you—your eyes, your cheeks, your mouth. He seemed sad, worried, down, and you wanted to hold him, but that was stupid and irrational, and so was the fact that you were sitting in his lap with your arms around him.

“That’s because it’s true,” Jungkook spoke slowly, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m everyone’s worst nightmare, even my own. I know Andre can’t stand the sight of me. And I can’t blame him. I’m the guy who did all that messed up stuff, who can’t control his urges, who wants it all and now, and doesn’t take no for an answer from life. I would understand you were disgusted by me. I was expecting you to, at some point, tell me you’d never sleep with me because of all the women I’ve fucked, because I’m shameless and not your type, but I’ve never even hoped you’d feel a tenth of what I’m feeling for you. I don’t think anyone’s ever had one real feeling towards me and I’ve been with so many people it would make a girl like you sick. None, and I mean none, knew the first thing about me,” he sighed, closing his eyes for a second.

“I’ve heard that I’m the best they’ve ever had a million times, which is so fucking funny to me because I’m sure they don’t even remember it the next day. Like you’ve said, being naked with someone means jack shit… You don’t have to know someone’s name to fuck them. You don’t have to feel a damn thing about them to get off. You both use each other to get what you want. But I don’t want to use you in any way. If you feel like it would hurt you more if I told you everything, I won’t say it, but you know it all already,” he gently squeezed your waist, lowering his voice, making your heart beat so loud you almost couldn’t hear him. Your head was buzzing, his scent was all around you, his body felt so firm and hot against yours, and you wanted nothing more than to feel him, so you leaned in and kissed him, as gently as you could, hoping the kiss would explain it a lot better than you ever could.

Jungkook’s body was tense ever since you sat down on his lap, but in that moment, he exhaled into the kiss and relaxed, hugging you, pulling you closer to him, even though your lips were barely pressing against his. His lips were soft, his breath warm and you decided to kiss him again, grazing your lips against his, feeling your breath hitch in your throat. Your fingers dug into his shoulders and he hummed quietly when you kissed him again, this time letting your lips linger and move against his slowly, gently, like it was the last time you were kissing anyone, mostly because you were scared that it would be.

How would you ever feel the need to look at someone else again? You were losing your mind completely, you fell head over heels for this man and this was the first time you’d kissed him, and you never wanted it to stop. If you could have stopped your life and stayed in one moment forever, that would be it—Jungkook and you on his lap, arms around each other, kissing, no hint of lust in the kiss, just longing, and pain, things left unsaid, fears about the future, dread that something like that would never happen again to either one of you again. This kind of thing rarely did.

“My God,” Jungkook said when you pulled away for a second, your lips parted, taking a good look at him as if you wanted this memory to stay with you forever, you wanted to remember every single detail of his face so it wouldn’t fade away. “I’m speechless.”

You nodded, understanding him completely. What was there to say? You wanted to keep kissing him, but you knew where that would lead and if you left with Jungkook, nobody would ever top that and you didn’t want to spend your entire life longing for a guy you couldn’t have. “I…,” your voice cracked and Jungkook looked up at you, caressing your back with his palm, trying to relax you. “We should go back inside.”

“Why?” He asked, his voice strong and loud in the otherwise quiet night.

“We can’t kiss anymore,” you sighed, trying to sound confident about it. “It… I won’t be able to stop. It’s making this harder for me.”

Jungkook nodded slowly, not trying to argue it. “I know. I don’t want to stop either.”

“Let’s go dance,” you said, getting up, suddenly feeling even colder and more alone than before, even though Jungkook was right there.

You started walking towards the villa, fighting the tears that were starting to sting in the corner of your eyes when Jungkook caught up with you, shoulder against shoulder, grabbing hold of your hand, comforting you with his touch. “You’re not alone. Not now, not ever. You call and I’m right here, whenever,” he spoke slowly as you walked over to the villa, trying to assure you that he would be there when you needed him, but you both knew it wouldn’t be like that.

You’d call and he’d be fucking someone, or he’d be high somewhere causing a ruckus, or he’d be drinking with his friends, trying to forget how he really felt. And your call would make it worse, just like his would to you.

All eyes were on you two when you walked back inside together, but people looked away fairly quickly. You two weren’t acting inappropriately or even touching, so there was nothing there to see.

Jungkook wrapped his arms around your waist and you let your head rest against his chest as you danced in slow circles, not paying attention to the people, music, or even the beat. Is this what Jungkook was talking about when he said he’d get his heart broken? Funny, because you now felt like yours was.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

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sunshobix · 4 years ago

Text

BUNNY

An anonymous streamer puts on a show every couple of days. When you become one of his biggest fans, your social life takes a hit—you'd rather stay glued to your laptop and stare at him than go out and meet men in real life. But, what if?

⤑ word count: 17.5k ⤑ genre: smut [oral (m and f receiving), intercourse, dirty talk, unprotected sex], friends to lovers, camboy!jk, aka jk is too shy to date but not to put on a show 😏 ⤑ rating: 18+!!!! ⤑ pairing: reader x jungkook

It was weird, for sure. Still, you felt that it was even weirder that you always needed another person to experience an orgasm. You had a feeling it shouldn’t be like that.

Of course, you didn’t mind it that much when you were in a relationship—you’d have a mouth on you and fingers in you and getting there would be really easy. Plus, you got to do it whenever you felt like it.

The problem was, you couldn’t make it happen on your own. Now that you were single, it was a huge problem.

You’ve tried God knows how many times, but it just wasn’t happening.

You’ve tried watching porn, but that didn’t work either. You’d get turned on, but nothing would happen other than your private parts getting too sensitive. It would always end up with you quitting in frustration.

The thing with the shower head didn’t work, either.

You got yourself a dildo, but that didn’t help at all.

Then, you ordered a vibrator—and of course your roommate was the one who the delivery guy handed it to—but it didn’t do much good. Taehyung still wasn’t letting you live that down. You loved living with him, but at times, he was the biggest man-child out there. How anyone could have sex with him was beyond you, considering he was still teasing people about masturbation.

You were slowly becoming desperate and then you decided to read more about female orgasms, see what could potentially help you, and that’s when you first saw someone mentioning moaning solo videos. You weren’t sure what that meant, but you were willing to try—at that point, you were down to try anything.

Of course, it was guys jerking off and being very vocal. While that got you excited, it didn’t help you orgasm. It just got you even more turned on.

By that time, you were more than frustrated. At one point, you considered just asking Taehyung to eat you out. He’d be down, you were sure, not because he had any special interest in you, but because it was a sexual activity and he never turned those down. Still, it’d be a new low for you and you were willing to try anything else before you sunk to new depths.

That’s how you found yourself on Reddit, going through subreddits about moaning videos, female masturbation, and advice on how to make yourself come. You were sick and tired of all the it’s-all-in-the-head or you-just-need-to-relax bullshit—you just wanted someone to give you some good piece of advice so you could finally come and get it over with.

And then, some girl said she had the same problem until she started watching camboys. Now, that sparked your interest so you went down the rabbit hole and found a recommendation for a user named Bunny. He was a guy who never showed his face, but had a great body and cock, and was very vocal when jerking off.

He’d stream on a website and watchers could tip him. The women said it helped them get off a lot quicker than anything else—they felt like they were in the room with him.

So, you found yourself making an account and deciding to watch Bunny the next time he streamed, on a Friday night and you did not regret it.

It felt awkward at first. What if someone saw you?

Watching porn was one thing—watching a man jerk off in real time was completely different. Not even the piece of tape you placed over your camera helped you feel any better. At least the FBI guy tracking you wouldn’t see you jerk off to this. It was indeed a new low.

But then, the show started and you forgot all about your worries when a naked muscly guy walked into frame and sat down on the chair. The camera was positioned to get everything below his chin so you couldn’t see any of his facial features or hair, but you could see his toned, firm chest and thick thighs. The center of it all was his cock, big even when soft.

As soon as you saw the small bunny tattoo next to his right hip, you understood the nickname.

It started slow—he sat down, squirted some lube onto his cock and started to jerk it slowly, getting it hard. You weren’t sure if he was watching porn or doing something else, but it didn’t take him long to get completely erect.

As soon as he started the show, you understood where all the women who recommended him were coming from—he was fucking hot even before he began moaning, and then he did, and you found yourself wanting to get off.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to close your eyes and enjoy his moaning or whether you wanted to stay glued to the screen and enjoy the image as much as the sound. You opted for the latter and you couldn’t get enough of his veiny hand stroking his cock, the other playing with his balls, while hisses and sharp inhales left his mouth.

And then, he started speaking in a very low tone which made your insides turn with excitement. It felt like he was right there.

“You like this, huh?” He grunted, and it felt like he was talking to you.

Then, he moaned as he picked up his pace. His hips started to thrust and it looked like he was fucking his fist, so it was easy to imagine yourself there being fucked instead of his fist. He looked smooth and firm all over and it became hard to look away from his body.

“You—ahhh, fuck, you make me so hard,” he grunted and sighed deeply. “Make me come all over myself,” he mumbled again in between loud moans and grunts.

Fuck, this man was amazing.

You touched your clit, your vibrator inside of you, and had a hard time focusing on only one aspect of his body—everything was perfect: his chest, especially now that his nipples have hardened and you imagined yourself grazing them; his stomach, lean and strong; his thighs, now spread, allowing you a great view of his cock, balls, and the lower part of his buttocks, all of which was so inviting you couldn’t stop thinking about licking him all over.

His long fingers stroked his balls gently, rubbed them around in his palm, tugged at them, squeezed them, while he moved his fingers up and down his cock. It went on for around ten minutes, this little show he put on, and by the eight minute, you were sweaty, dripping wet, your cunt squeezing the toy, pulsating around it, wanting to feel the real thing.

The hand that was rubbing your clit was starting to hurt, but you didn’t want to stop—you were so close you could feel it.

It did, however, feel like you had to pee, but you ignored the feeling and kept rubbing your clit harshly, feeling it harden under your fingertips, in need of a tongue to play with it. Sadly, your hand was the best you could do.

“Take me in your mouth,” Bunny said, wrapping his slender fingers around his base and pointing his cock at the camera. Then, he slapped his wet cock against his open palm and the sound of it made you grunt loudly.

“Make me fucking come,” he grunted and started to move his hand faster.

Each stroke enticed more curses and hisses from his lips, and the moaning got louder. He was now saying profanities. The tipping point for you when he started moaning the words faster, baby, faster all over again. His voice sounded low and deep, his cock seemed so red, veiny, and inviting, and the vibrator inside of you felt like a real cock for a second, so you let go and felt your walls pulsating harder against the toy as you came.

You removed the toy quickly because of the insane amount of pressure that had built up inside of you and as soon as you did that, a streak of liquid shot out of you all over the bed. Since your other hand was still touching your clit, the liquid dripped out of your quickly for a couple of seconds longer and your chest heaved up and down, your mind going blank as you let your head rest against the pillow, Bunny’s sweet low moans in the background.

Just then, his moans got a lot higher in tone and you looked at the screen just fast enough to catch him blowing his load all over himself—his chest, his thighs, his fingers, his balls. Bunny jerked himself off until he got every last drop out and then he said a quick bye and turned off the livestream.

You felt relief over him coming but then you remembered that you’d peed your bed.

Was it pee? It couldn’t be squirt.

Is this what squirting felt like? If so, it was heavenly.

The liquid seemed to have no color to it so you didn’t think it was pee. You smelled it and it didn’t smell like it. Ok, maybe a bit.

Feeling ashamed that you knew so little about something so normal, you googled it and after half an hour of research, you concluded that it was indeed squirt and that Bunny was the best moaning soloist out there. If you had any perverted girl friends, you would have definitely recommended his work.

The next Friday, you tuned in just to tip him some money because you didn’t do it the last week and if anyone deserved your money, it was him for making you come so hard after such a long time. You told yourself you’d just tip him and leave, but this time he brought some kind of oil and massaged himself all over, guttural moans leaving his mouth a lot more often than the last time, and you came again, this time around the 7 minute mark.

So, that was a weird part of your life you rarely spoke to people about. How in the hell were you going to bring it up in a casual conversation? You couldn’t talk to Taehyung about chores and slip in the fact that you’ve not only managed to make yourself come but squirt all thanks to a stranger online who broadcasted his jerk-off sessions. So you didn’t mention it, but Taehyung noticed a change in your behavior.

When he realized you finally came—he knew the struggle was real—Taehyung decided to try to get you to go out with his friends more.

“You’ll never meet a guy and have some fun if you work and stay in your room all day,” he nudged you and you decided to go because he was right.

You spent an additional four months getting off to Bunny, not even dating.

Men didn’t interest you in the slightest for a while, mostly because of the bad breakup, and it was so hard to meet someone normal.

Since Taehyung was offering you to join him and two of his closest friends, you figured you had nothing left to lose.

What else were you going to do, stay home and get yourself off to Bunny?

He wasn’t even streaming that Saturday, so you really had nothing to lose.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Taehyung was always an anomaly in your eyes. He was cute, funny, handsome, yet he became completely undatable the second you realized he’d fuck whoever offers. Well, almost, but that was the point—he was down to try whatever and he enjoyed living life like that.

The anomaly part came into play when you met his friends.

He, the biggest player out there, was hanging out with Jimin, a guy who’s been with the same partner for what seemed like decades, and Jungkook, an awkward gamer kid who got laid less than you, which really said a lot about him.

It’s not that you didn’t like Jungkook and Jimin—quite the contrary—but you just never imagined that the three of them could be friends.

Jimin was in a stable relationship, wasn’t a womanizer, didn’t go out as much as Taehyung, and didn’t really care for partying anymore. Still, he was very fun to be around and you always engaged in banter with him.

Jungkook has probably never cared for partying, which is why it was so surprising that Taehyung and him hung out at all. He was a couple of years younger than your roommate, and you figured that Taehyung took Jungkook under his wing and tried to teach him his ways, but failed miserably.

If you’ve ever met a man completely uninterested in contact with women, it was that guy.

As luck would have it, the two of them were the only ones going out with you and Taehyung, so you had to get over your prejudice and be nice to everyone.

The pre-drinks happened at your place and Jimin brought some pizzas while Jungkook was in charge of the beverage. He rarely said much to you, so you weren’t surprised when he grunted a hello at you and started talking to Tae like you weren’t there.

Jimin, on the other hand, hugged you and complimented you on your looks and outfit. Of course, none of that meant he was interested—it was just his way of being nice. You appreciated it nonetheless since you got so little action that even a compliment from a taken man was enough to help your struggling ego.

What didn’t help it was Taehyung blasting you in front of his friends a couple of drinks in, after you joked about him bringing yet another random girl home. It was funny because she stole your sliced bread when she left, and you couldn’t stop laughing about it from the second you two figured out that was where the bread left. Of all the things she could have taken, why the sliced bread!?

“Funny coming from someone who hasn’t gotten laid in weeks,” Taehyung pretended to glare at you, but you could tell he didn’t care about your teasing.

If he thought his comment was offensive, you could do him one better. “Try months,” you chuckled, which made Taehyung gasp.

“Pa-the-tic,” he dragged each syllable and ended with a laugh. “Guys, we really need to find her a date tonight.”

“You will do no such thing,” you tried to keep a straight face, but failed. “You three couldn’t find a decent guy even if you tried.”

“Hey, hey,” Jimin lifted both his hands up and sneered at you. “I know some very cool guys you’d be really into.”

“Where are they!?” You pretended to look around to find these friends of his, which earned you a playful smack from Taehyung and a small smile from Jungkook, who wasn’t saying much the whole night, as per usual. “If they’re anything like Taehyung, I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Yeah, she’d much rather fuck toys than real human beings,” Taehyung chuckled and you noticed how Jungkook’s head snapped in your direction, but he looked at you for a split second before looking at his drink again.

You knew that Jungkook wanted to participate in these conversations and you were sure he’d have interesting things to say since everyone said he was so much fun, but he never did, at least not when you were around.

“Do you know what privacy means or is that a foreign concept to you?” You mumbled, shaking your head and pouring yourself another gin-tonic to prepare yourself for where the conversation was about to go. Taehyung and privacy just didn’t go together.

“I’m just explaining the situation so the guys know what we’re dealing with here,” Taehyung nudged you, as what he was saying was completely normal and acceptable. “We’re just trying to help you find a decent person, get out of your room, and experience something great. After your breakup, I really thought you’d never go out with someone again, so I’m really happy you’ve decided to join us on this lovely night.”

“That’s really sweet of you guys, but I’m not even sure I’m interested in dating,” you leaned back into the sofa and took a sip of the drink, feeling the bitterness of it against your tongue and hoping it would hit you soon.

“Fine, sex it is!” Taehyung patted your thigh excitedly. “This means that the number of eligible single men has gone up significantly, which is actually great news. Jimin, what about Yoongi?”

“Engaged,” Jimin shrugged and looked at you like he was breaking your heart when in fact, you didn’t even know who the guy in question was.

“Okay, then Jungkook… What about… Seokjin?” Taehyung asked and looked at the youngest person in the room, who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. When he realized it was a question for him, Jungkook snapped out of it and shot a glance your way.

“Uh, nope,” he simply said and when Taehyung kept staring at him, he realized he’d have to explain his response. “With all due respect,” he looked at you and smiled faintly, as if he was just going to insult you. “Seokjin is actually trying to settle down and since you’re not really interested in dating, it’s not a good match.”

“That’s true,” you agreed with a nod, clearly surprising him. “There’s no point in wasting someone’s time.”

“How’s sex a waste of anyone’s time!?” Taehyung scoffed, shaking his head at you. “You’re both dumb. I think Jin knows his way around women and it’s exactly what you,” he looked at you now, “need.”

“Jungkook just said the guy’s not interested in sex only,” you waved your hand and downed the rest of your drink. “I don’t even know these guys so I don’t think any of it would work.”

“Namjoon?” Jimin said, making everyone’s head snap in his direction.

Taehyung jumped up excitedly, spilling a bit of his drink over his pants. “Fuck! That’s a great idea!” Then, he turned to you, still rushing with excitement. “Namjoon is really interesting and you’d find him hot. He’s smart. Has a bit of a problem getting comfortable around ladies, but so do most guys before they get confident. He’s Jungkook’s friend.”

You guessed that much yourself when you heard his description—you couldn’t imagine Jungkook in the company of a guy who knew how to talk to women, unless it was Jimin or Taeyhung.

“And,” Jimin lifted his finger, trying to make a point. “He’s no stranger to a one-night stand, so if you’re not looking for anything serious and you don’t want to get to know him and all that, I’m sure he’d be down.”

“What man is a stranger to one-night stands!?” You scoffed, thinking it was a ridiculous statement. In your experience, all men ever wanted was to fuck without any commitments.

“Jungkook!” Jimin and Taehyung said in unison before bursting into laughter, and it made you feel sorry for him.

“Sorry, dude, it was just the perfect setup,” Taehyung reached out to pat his head and Jungkook shrugged, getting frustrated. You could tell that by the way he tongued his cheek.

“You two should both get out more and talk to more people,” Jimin looked at you and Jungkook. “You because you really need to get laid and Jungkook because he needs to talk to more women, period.”

“Right!? It’s time, man,” Taehyung added his two cents. “Namjoon gets away with his awkwardness because he has the balls to ask someone to come home with him. If you did the same, someone would say yes, and you’d get laid.”

“It’s as easy as that,” Jimin decided to delve into it a bit more. “Sooner or later, you’ll hit it off with someone even if you don’t know what to say. I know you overthink it, but trust me, sometimes women don’t want you to talk to them or be all romantic or have great pick up lines. Sometimes, they just don’t expect to be swept off their feet and that’s where you come in.”

As someone who wasn’t that close to Jungkook, mostly because he always seemed to be embarrassed in your or any kind of female company, you felt bad for him. The guys were implying that there was no way he’d attract a woman into wanting to date him, so the best he could do was find someone who just wanted to get laid and who’d overlook his “flaw” of being shy.

Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the fact that the two guys had just picked on you for the lack of a sex life, but you decided to step in for Jungkook.

“Some girls find shyness attractive,” you said, surprising all three of them, but mostly Jungkook, whose mouth formed an O for a second. “You’re both being pricks to him. Not everyone wants the guy to be all slick and confident, it’s a turn off for some girls.”

“Oh, really?” Taehyung expressed his disapproval by scoffing loudly. “Name one.”

“Me,” you looked at him like he was an idiot, because he was. “When have I ever gone home with a guy who walked up to me with the attitude you two are trying to make seem presentable? Never.”

“When have you ever gone home with a random guy ever?” Taehyung asked confidently, knowing he had you there.

“Okay, fair enough,” you shrugged, realizing Taehyung was right. Still, that didn’t make your statement any less true. “But what I said still stands. I know a lot of women and I am certain they’d be put off by a sleazy guy trying to get them to go to bed.”

“Of course, that’s true,” Jimin chirped. “But you have to remember this—a guy who walks up to everyone in the club is more likely to get laid than the one who doesn’t talk to anyone at the club,” he looked at Jungkook, who seemed to be regretting going out with you all in the first place. “We just want Jungkook to come out of his shell and talk to a girl.”

“That’s it!” Taehyung clapped in excitement. “You two should talk to each other more. Like, you can help Jungkook get over his shyness with women and he could introduce you to some of his single friends. They’re a bit younger, but most of them are single.”

The plan was great, you had to admit, but you knew it wouldn’t work. Jungkook, as always, tried his best to ignore you. You spoke a couple of times during the night and you both went home alone, like losers, which Taehyung called you when you said you were tired and wanted to leave.

Funnily enough, once you got home, showered, dried your hair, and got under your sheets, you noticed that Bunny was streaming, so you joined the stream and got off to the sweet sound of his moans once again, falling asleep peacefully.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You’d practically given up on your social life after that lame attempt, but Taehyung wasn’t having it.

He barged into your room on a Friday night and thank fuck you weren’t watching the Bunny stream which was on at that moment because he would have caught you red-handed and would have never ever let you forget about it. You’d probably have to move out because of sheer embarrassment.

Luckily, you tried to be a strong person that night and resist your urges to watch Bunny. You didn’t want to watch him or anyone else. If you were going to come, you were going to do it with a man or on your own.

The decision came after Bunny streamed three days in a row and you cancelled two separate plans with your friends so you could be home to catch the live-streams.

It was an act of an obsessed person and you didn’t want to become that, so you were trying to spend that Friday night watching a movie instead of being a horny loser and watching him yet another time and not being a step closer to meeting someone in real life.

Instead, Taehyung managed to drag you out of bed.

He was dying to go out and wanted to find company. Jungkook said they would drink at his place at 9pm but wasn’t responding to Taehyung’s texts and Jimin couldn’t make it. The other guys were also busy, so you were his last hope for a good night out. Taehyung’s life was really sad if you were his only hope, and you made that very clear, but your bitter comment just made him laugh.

In an hour, you got out of your room, ready to party just to find him packing the alcohol into a bag.

“Where are we going?”

“Jungkook’s not responding, but he’s home. It’s Friday. Where else would he be?” Taehyung laughed at his own joke, as if it was impossible Jungkook had other plans. “No, seriously, he’s probably working out. We’ll remind him of our plan and drink while he gets ready.”

You decided to tag along because anything beat staying at home, tempted to turn on the live-stream. No, hanging out with friends and meeting real people was much better. Besides, you’d given up on Bunny.

Taehyung knocked on the front door of Jungkook’s apartment loudly, so loud it would have woken up dead people. After what seemed like minutes, a red in the face, sweaty, wet-haired Jungkook opened the door. He was wearing a sweatshirt and shorts and seemed exhausted.

At first, he seemed surprised to see you two there but then it dawned on him that he’d forgotten the agreement with Taehyung, so he slapped his forehead. “Fuck! I’m sorry, come in,” he said, opening the door.

Taehyung grunted at him and went straight for the kitchen while you opted for the living room. You’d been there before, but you didn’t really feel comfortable walking through his apartment like that. Taehyung always made himself at home. Jungkook stood there awkwardly until Taehyung got back, and you two shot glances at each other. “Sorry, I’ll go have a shower and I’ll join you.”

“No, don’t worry! Take your time, jerk off while you’re at it,” Taehyung laughed at his own joke again and handed you the glass while Jungkook ran off to the bathroom.

“You’re mean,” you told him, pouring the juice into the glasses Taehyung had already filled with vodka. “It happens, people forget.”

“It’s Friday night and this dude is working out all alone in his room,” he seemed dissatisfied with Jungkook’s choice. “It’s like he doesn’t even want our help!”

“Dude, you’re going out with a friend. Stop acting like you’re the Red Cross and you’re doing him a huge favor,” you spat the words at him, hoping he’d understand he was treating Jungkook a bit unfairly. “Going out should be a fun experience, and not whatever you’re trying to make this into. No wonder he pretended to forget about this.”

“Okay, I get what you mean, but listen,” he leaned in and sighed, as if he was just going to explain why he was right about this as he was about everything. “He needs help. I mean it!”

“You’re a jerk,” you rolled your eyes. Yeah, Jungkook had a problem talking to women, but you were sure he wasn’t as desperate as Taehyung made him sound.

“A month ago, he promised me and Jimin he would make more of an effort to talk to you,” Taehyung leaned back into the sofa and laughed. “Look how great that’s going for him!”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re the only woman he has access to,” Taehyung looked at you like you were stupid while frowning. “We didn’t tell him to hit on you or anything like that. Just to talk to you because you’re a woman. The more he talks to you, the less relaxed he’ll be talking with other girls, right?”

“Okay, I see your point. That’s not such a bad idea,” you had to agree even though you didn’t want to agree with any of Taehyung’s tactics. “But he never speaks to me.”

“That’s my exact fucking point! That’s why I’m so frustrated with him. You’re right here! Jimin asks questions about your sex life that even I wouldn’t dare ask and Jungkook can’t even ask you how you’re doing. I mean, he does do that from time to time, let’s give him that. But he leaves it at small talk and he does that with everyone. He’s bad at small talk, so it never leads anywhere.”

“Maybe he’d do better with some deeper topics, you never know,” you suggested. “He does seem to have a lot more interests than you, if I’m honest.”

“Because he plays games?”

“And works out,” you pointed out, which made your roommate laugh. “And cleans, from the look of it.”

“Cleaning is not an interest. It’s a way for fucked up people to get out of their thoughts,” Taehyung looked happy with his conclusion. “Know how I know? I live with you. Ha!”

You had no choice but to laugh at his pettiness. Even though Taehyung sometimes seemed cruel, he was actually just straightforward and honest with people, whether they liked it or not. You, for one, enjoyed having that kind of honesty. You hated when people tiptoed around, so he was the perfect choice for a roommate.

Right then, Jungkook came out of the bathroom, mumbling apologies because he forgot to take clean clothes with him to the bathroom. Now, you didn’t want to be a perv and stare at him wrapped only in a towel, but you were interested in seeing his body. Everyone always kept talking about how he worked out hard to build up his confidence, so you were just curious about it. Besides, it’s been a long time since you’d seen anyone naked from the waist up.

The sneak peek was enough to take you aback. A guy with a body like that was that flustered around women? Him? It didn’t make sense. Jungkook seemed to be chiseled from head to toe.

Your gaze unwillingly flew down to his crotch, making you feel like a total creep, and that’s when you saw it.

It was right there, staring at you.

You choked on your drink, sat up straight, and cleared your throat repeatedly, feeling like someone has hit the air out of your chest. Taehyung was watching Jungkook make his way from the bathroom to the room, but when he noticed your reaction to Jungkook’s half naked body, he turned his attention to you, extremely curious about everything.

Jungkook stopped dead in his tracks to look at you and he saw you ogling his bunny tattoo.

Then, you lifted your gaze and it met his. and you knew he knew. In that moment, you were 100% sure he knew you’d recognized him from the tattoo. This meant that he also knew you watched his videos, which was a total defeat and embarrassment you’d never get over.

He knew!

He disappeared into his bedroom and Taehyung screamed loudly. “Oh my God! You just eye-fucked Jungkook so hard!” He patted your thigh and screamed out again. “This is fucking marvelous!”

Luckily, Taehyung wasn’t in the streaming world so he had no idea what had just happened there. You, on the other hand, felt mortified, but you clinged on to the hope that you were making it up and that a) Jungkook wasn’t Bunny and b) if he were, he didn’t know you watched him. One of the options had to be true.

He couldn’t be Bunny, right? Jungkook?

The can’t-talk-to-a-woman-to-save-his-life dude? He’s Bunny?

You were making it up. God knows how many men out there had this tacky tattoo.

“Shut up,” you said as you poured yourself a shot of vodka and downed it, feeling yourself sweating. This couldn’t be happening!

“Oh come on, you were ogling the dude,” Taehyung spread his arms out in confusion, blissfully unaware of your inner turmoil. “Besides, you’re looking to get laid, so is he. How didn’t I think of it before? You two should fuck. If you do want it, just tell him. He’d be more than happy to, trust me!”

“And how would you know?” You glared at him, annoyed at his words, but mostly at yourself for giving yourself away like that. Even if Jungkook was Bunny, you shouldn’t have reacted that way. He never would have known! “Oh, I forgot, you know everything!”

“No, Jungkook’s my friend and I remember him telling me he’d like to fuck you many, many times,” he glared right back, sticking his tongue out at you like a little kid who was fighting another kid. “So, please. I’m telling you, if you want to fuck him, I won’t judge. I mean, he looks hot without his shirt on, I have to admit it.”

“That’s not the point,” you shook your head, not even thinking about the proposed idea. All you could think about was Bunny, Bunny, Bunny. There was the slightest chance that it was Jungkook. “He’s your friend. I don’t want you to know anything about my naked body, for starters.”

“Ouch,” Taehyung placed a hand over his heart and poured you another drink. “I’m not that sleazy, and neither is Jungkook, so chill out.”

You changed the topic to a girl Taehyung was seeing this week and hoped he wouldn’t mention anything when Jungkook joined you.

A drink later, he did exactly that as soon as Jungkook walked out of his bedroom, completely dressed in a black button up and dark jeans, and sat down next to Taehyung. You sneaked a glance his way and tried to figure out whether Bunny’s body was hiding underneath those clothes. Was he Bunny?

“I’ve just had a great idea,” Taehyung informed him while handing him the drink he prepared—two thirds vodka, one third juice. “I’ll go out and leave you two to fuck.”

The suggestion made Jungkook stare at Taehyung in awe before turning his attention to you. Now, he seemed a lot more confident than earlier—he managed to look straight into your eyes as if he was waiting for you to say something. When he realized you weren’t going to indulge him, he spoke up. “What?”

“She drooled after seeing you naked. You’re trying to fuck, she’s in desperate need of a real dick, so why the hell not?” Taehyung looked at Jungkook and then at you, but you were too busy staring at each other.

Did he know?

Earlier, you hoped not, but seeing him stare at you like that told you he did. He’d never looked at you like this before, not shying away from your gaze.

He knew.

Jungkook knew you got off while watching him do the same and he suddenly gained a lot more confidence than you were used to seeing from him.

Would he mention it, though? That was the real question here.

If he did, would Taehyung ever let you live it down?

God, what would happen when Jimin found out!? The two of them would never let it go.

Would you ever be able to be in the same room as Jungkook? The worst part about it, your nights with Bunny were over, period. All chances of going back were ruined.

“I actually think it’s a great idea,” Jungkook said in a straight tone, surprising everyone in the room.

“Fuck!” Taehyung jumped up, downed his drink, and grabbed his jacket, clearly deciding to leave you two to it. “See you fuckers!”

“Tae!” You spoke up, but too late. He was already by the front door, dimming the lights. “Since you’re both awkward fucks, it’s better that the lights aren’t that bright. See you tomorrow, fuck each other’s brains out, bye!”

He slammed the door and a really long and uncomfortable silence ensued. You weren’t sure why Jungkook said what he’d said, or why you didn’t react sooner, or why Taehyung left like this was a great idea. Most of all, you were worried about your little secret and whether Jungkook would say it out loud and make it real.

Jungkook downed the drink Taehyung had given him a couple of minutes prior and then poured himself another one. He decided to pour some more vodka in your drink too, like he knew you needed it badly. Then, he sighed loudly and downed that drink too before shooting a glance at you.

“So, I think we should… Uh… Discuss this?” Jungkook said, clearing his throat before sighing again and finally looking at you for more than a second. Sadly, he did it when you least wanted it.

“W-what exactly?” Your voice gave out on you, cracking when you spoke up, so you had a bit of the drink to wash down the awkwardness. What the fuck was wrong with you? He probably didn’t even know you knew. He wasn’t Bunny, there was no fucking way. It was just Jungkook.

“Bunny,” he said the word confidently. Oh, so he was Bunny. And now he knew you knew.

The man in front of you helped you have the best orgasms you’ve ever had and now he knew it. He was Taehyung’s friend. Everyone would find out. Your reputation would be ruined, as if it hasn’t already suffered enough.

“Oh,” you said, words not coming to you. What were you supposed to say? Yeah, I jerk off to you almost every night? Embarrassing. “I’d rather not.”

“Do me a favor and do it?” He looked at you questioningly and you weren’t sure what he was referring to—did he want you to talk about it or do what Taehyung suggested?

You sighed, realizing that you couldn’t just get up and run away without talking about this with him, no matter how terrifying it sounded. It was Jungkook and you had to run into him eventually. Besides, Taehyung would try to force it out of you. “What exactly do you want to talk about?”

If he’d asked you what you thought about his dick or something as Taehyung-like as that, you would have run straight for the door and cried your way home. Thankfully, Jungkook had more tact than that. In fact, that wasn’t his biggest concern.

“I know it’s awkward,” he said, rubbing his hands against his pants. “But it’s the same for me, so we’re even.”

“Uh, I think it’s weirder on my side,” you told him, not making yourself feel any better. To do that, you drank some more of your drink, thankful for the extra vodka Jungkook had added earlier. You needed something stronger if you were about to discuss this whole thing with Jungkook.

“I don’t know how to go about this, but… It’s kind of weird knowing you know what I do,” he said, looking straight ahead. “And I’d prefer it if you didn’t talk about it. To Taehyung or Jimin or, actually, anyone.”

“I won’t if you won’t,” you offered the deal without thinking—you would have done anything for this to stay between the two of you.

“Deal,” he reached out to shake your hand and you took it without hesitation. When he touched you, you realized those were the same hands you watched wrapped around his cock, the same hands that would eventually end up sprayed with coats of cum, that would caress his balls. The same hands you wished were on you so many fucking time. Fuck. “Glad we could, uh, work this out.”

“I’ll drink to that,” you said and downed the rest of your drink, getting up. “I’ll get going now.”

“You-you don’t want to stay and talk?” He asked, seemingly confused. Clearly, Jungkook didn’t think this was as embarrassing for you as it was for him. Why in the hell would you want to discuss this with him of all people? You wanted to forget it ever happened.

“About what?” You stopped dead in your tracks, unsure of what you should do.

“I mean,” he scoffed, looking down at his hands as he rested his elbows on his thighs. “If we don’t talk now, things will be extremely awkward the next time Taehyung sees us.”

Oh fuck, Taehyung. You forgot all about the fact that he thought you stayed here to fuck. He would want to hear all the details, for sure. He had probably already texted absolutely all of your mutual friends to tell them the great news of how he hit two birds with one stone tonight with you two.

“Ah, fuck,” you grunted, sitting back down, realizing that ou had to do this. “Did you have to tell him we’d fuck!?”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook really did look apologetic, you had to give him that. “I just didn’t know how else to get you to talk to me alone. I sure as fuck didn’t want to discuss this at the club.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” you nodded, imagining the horror of having a drunken public conversation about Jungkook being the livestream god that you got off to more often than not. “I mean, we could have avoided it altogether.”

You watched Jungkook as the corners of his mouth formed a smile. “And what after?” Then, he turned to look straight at you and you didn’t have an answer for him. “Things would get even weirder.”

“Face it, things will be weird,” you said with a shrug. “Please, pour some vodka.”

Jungkook did as you asked, topping up his drink as well before you both downed them, gulping like you hadn’t had a sip to drink in years. Embarrassment was a real bitch. You never usually had a problem with talking to people—whether you were sexually interested in them or not. Now it seemed that you’ve morphed into Jungkook and that both of you were equally uncomfortable around each other.

“Can we make it not weird somehow?” He suggested and you could tell he was really going through it. After all, this was the longest and most serious conversation you two have ever had.

“Okay, we’re adults,” you said, nodding before sighing deeply. Fuck, this was awkward. You’ve gotten off to Jungkook. “You have to understand that it’s really kind of embarrassing to sit here when you know I watch you.”

“Watch?” He cocked an eyebrow up, seeming more interested in the conversation all of a sudden. “Like, regularly?”

You shot him a glare, sensing that he was enjoying this piece of information a lot more than he was supposed to. “Don’t even fucking start,” you waved your hand at him. “It’s weird.”

“Well, it’s worse on this end, trust me.”

You frowned in confusion. “How the fuck is it worse?”

“You’ve seen me naked. You know what I do. You could blackmail me for life. All I know about you is that you watch online porn, wow!” He shook his head and looked down again, seeming defeated. “It’s a hell of a lot worse.”

“Okay, you have a point,” you chuckled, finally understanding his side of things. “But still, like you’ve said, I’ve seen you naked and I’ve—fuck, why does it have to be this weird—I’ve gotten off on that. That’s infinitely more weird than what you do.”

“Everyone watches porn, not everyone makes it,” he made a good point. “Besides, that’s just like a really good fucking compliment.”

You wanted to tell him that it was a compliment because he had the prettiest dick you’ve ever seen and you’ve never even thought of dicks as something nice—they were a means to a very happy end. However, you couldn’t say that. It was Jungkook, the guy who had trouble talking to you about anything serious! And you jerked off when watching him do the same and wishing he was filling you up instead of your vibrator. It was gross and weird and uncomfortable.

“Sure, but you’re just putting content out there. I really didn’t know it was you, I swear,” you said before sipping your drink again, hoping it would make this less embarrassing. It felt like you’d invaded his privacy. He had this whole secret life no one knew about and he liked it, and then you came and fucked it all up. “Had I known, I really wouldn’t have watched!”

“That’s the whole point,” he chuckled, a smile playing on his lips even after the chuckle died out. He rubbed his bottom lip with his index finger while holding his glass and staring right ahead.

“What is?” If there was a point, you completely missed it but it was no wonder, considering that you were thinking about all the times you practically drooled over Taehyung’s best friend.

“I don’t… Women don’t really like me, right?” He shrugged and it made you feel bad for him for a second. Did he really think he was that unappealing? “Not in real life anyway. But, when I go online, so many of them do.”

That was true, so fucking many women wanted a piece of him. You saw women giving him hundreds of dollars so he’d say a certain phrase or a name and if that didn’t qualify as popular with women, you didn’t know what else did. The fact that Bunny was Jungkook was shocking mostly because of the difference in self-confidence between the two. Bunny was proud to flaunt his body, Jungkook couldn’t even look at a woman for more than two seconds.

“So you don’t do it for the money?” You asked, which made him look at you and frown for a second before shaking his head.

“Not really,” he admitted without taking a second to think about your question. “Does it come in handy? Sure, I have a bigger savings account than I ever thought I would, but it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s a confidence thing, I guess,” Jungkook said after downing the rest of his drink. He looked at the bottle but then decided not to pour again. “As you know because my friends won’t stop fucking me because of it, I’m not that great at talingk to women. I say something, don’t know what else to say, can’t think of anything funny or interesting, and just, uh, fuck up in general,” he was getting flustered so he took a deep breath. “Like right now. But okay. So I started working out to feel better. I have some online friends and someone jokingly said I had a good voice and should record moaning videos. We all laughed it off but then I did it. I didn’t tell them, clearly, but I wanted to see if it would get anyone going. It did, so I created more, and then eventually it led to videos. When I posted the first one, it was the first time I got a compliment on my looks from a woman. And not the you’re-so-cute, you’re-such-a-nice-guy-, I-like-you-as-a-friend type of comment. You know what kind of comments are left on the stream. The fact that people tip is just a bonus, that option wasn’t even there in the beginning.”

“I can’t even look you in the eye when saying this, but trust me, the content is ten out of ten,” you nodded knowingly. “If you’re doing it to get more confident, you should be at least twice as confident as Tae judging by how many women enjoy you.”

Jungkook smirked at you and for a second you saw the guy he could be if he just relaxed for a fucking second when he was talking to anyone who had a pussy.

“Thanks,” he said, still looking at you. This time, you were the first one to look away, ashamed of having his eyes on you. “I do it to know that I can get women off. So that’s what I get out of it.”

“That’s totally understandable,” you said, suddenly feeling intrigued. “Has it helped you?”

Jungkook looked at you like he didn't understand, so you explained yourself. “With confidence, I mean.”

“What do you think?” He looked at you with a deadpan expression, which made you chuckle.

“Well, you’re talking to me just fine. In fact, I’m the more awkward one here right now.”

“I mean, once the worst happens, what’s there to be afraid of?” Jungkook shrugged. “You know what I do, you watched it, but it doesn’t change anything. I’m me, you’re you, we’ll just move on.”

“Maybe you should go into every conversation with women like that, thinking that they’ve watched you at one point or another, if that makes it easier,” you suggested, but he brushed it off.

“You’re not exactly all women,” he added with a scoff, but you weren’t sure what he meant by that. “You know most of my friends. I see you all the time. If some random woman at the club knew, so what? I could pretend it wasn’t me or something. But the second you saw the tattoo, I knew. Fucking Taehyung and his showing up unannounced.”

“Well, he did announce himself, you just forgot.”

“I wouldn’t have started the stream if I hadn’t forgotten, trust me,” he told you with a knowing look.

“Oh, right, you had the stream,” you said, outing yourself even more.

What Jungkook knew was that you’ve seen his live-stream before. For all he knew, it happened once, maybe twice. However, someone who’d seen him once wouldn’t have known about his uploads. Only people who were subscribed got those updates about when he’d post next.

“So you follow the streams?” He asked so matter-of-factly, as if it wasn’t such a damning fact, as if it didn’t mean you were so insanely attracted to his voice, moaning, and naked body that you followed his schedule to know when you’d be getting off next.

“Maybe,” you gulped, feeling extremely embarrassed since you were caught red-handed.

“Interesting,” Jungkook noted with a grin. “Can I ask you something?”

“After this conversation? You can ask me anything,” you laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Will you continue to watch?” He asked, turning to face you again with an expression you couldn’t read. “Now that you know it’s me?”

“I don’t think so,” you told him right away because you’d make the decision before you even knew it was him. Now that you did know Bunny’s identity, it served as another deterrent from this little secret hobby of yours.

“Oh,” Jungkook said, looking at the glass again before deciding to fill it up and down the shot.

“It’s not because of you,” you tried to explain, noticing that your decision made him feel bad. After all, it did sound very rude—you wanted to watch when he was an anonymous guy, but now that you knew it was him, you’d lost interest.

“Don’t worry, I get it,” he gave you a faint smile, but you could tell it really wasn’t okay. “I mean, the whole thing is cursed.”

“What do you mean?”

“It gives me the illusion that people are into me,” Jungkook admitted with a sigh. “But here you are, following the stream so, clearly, liking the content, but now you know it’s me, you’re put off by it completely.”

“That’s not exactly true—” you tried to explain, but Jungkook cut you off.

“Like I’ve said, don’t worry. It’s not your fault. I get it, I really do. You only saw my… dick and you liked that. If it comes in a package with my face and personality, it’s not exactly a good thing,” he said, chuckling, even though he was clearly not entertained. His expression and tone would have given him off even if he hadn’t said all of that out loud.

“Stop with the whole self-demeaning thing,” you told him, which instantly made him look at you, and it felt like you were scolding a scared kid. Still, you had to say it. “Why don’t you just talk to people? How can I know anything about your personality if you don’t talk to me? This is not easy to say, okay?, but you have a great dick and a very cute face. You don’t seem like a bad guy and this shyness of yours, like I’ve said, can be a huge plus for you if you only talk to women a bit more. Have a drink if you need to and talk.”

Jungkook leaned back into the sofa and took a while to think about your words. “I know you’re right about that, but it’s not that easy. I’m clumsy with words. I don’t know how to ask for what I want, so I talk in circles. What’s the fucking point of having hundreds of women watching you when you can’t talk to a single one?”

“That sounds tough,” you agreed. It must have been really strange to have all these women lining up for him and then feeling unable to speak to a single one. He brought a lot of pleasure to a lot of women yet he got none out of it. “But you can work on it. Try to have one conversation a day or something.”

“How would you get a woman to sleep with you, if you were me?”

His question wasn’t a rhetorical one so you thought about the answer for a while. All bets were off at this point and he was clearly trying to make the most he could out of the absolute clusterfuck of a situation. “If it was a one time thing, then I’d just go straight to the point and tell the girl that I’m just looking for some fun and that she’s gorgeous. If it’s someone I like, I’d tell them that they make me flustered so it’s hard to get the words out but that I’d like a chance to prove I can be a real bunny in the bedroom.”

Jungkook scoffed and then shook his head at you, clearly disappointed with you. “Fuck you.”

“I’m joking. I’d say beast instead of bunny, makes it a lot more fierce,” you joked, downing the rest of your drinking and thinking about the next one when Jungkook took you about. “What I mean is, even if you can’t talk about it in detail, you can say something meaningful. One intimate thing is worth a lot more than three hours of nonsense. I’d just be honest if I were you.”

“So, here goes nothing,” Jungkook said before taking a deep breath. “I really, really like you and I’m a fuck-up when it comes to talking, but I’d like you to forget the fact that I’m me and give me a chance to be Bunny. For you. Without the filming. And tipping, clearly.”

The last part made you chuckle, and your nerves were to blame as well. Was he saying what you thought he was saying? Why were you even thinking about it? Your pussy throbbed at the idea of him acting like Bunny in front of you, of getting naked and jerking off for you.

If you were being honest, it throbbed because this was the first time in a long time a good-looking guy made a sexual proposition and you were dying to finally feel something real. If Jungkook really wanted this, you wanted him to speak about it more, to help him get out of his shell. How would you two do anything if he couldn’t talk to you about sexual topics? It wouldn’t work.

“You want me to watch you jerk off?” You cocked your head to the side and played dumb while thoughts about him naked roamed your mind.

Jungkook chewed on the inside of his cheek before taking a deep breath. “No, I want to fuck you.”

“Okay, we’re making progress here,” you joked, but noticed he wasn’t laughing. Besides, you shouldn’t have been joking about anything—you got shivers when he said the word “fuck” like a horny obsessed creep. “I’m not taking this as a joke, I just want us to talk about it if we’re thinking about doing it.”

“You’re thinking about it?” Jungkook’s eyes widened when he realized that and it took him a while to look away this time. The fact that he found this surprising was insane. Did he not know how hot he was?

“Maybe,” you grinned, realizing that you’d already made your mind up.

Was it stupid? Yes.

Would you regret it? Maybe.

Did you want to try Bunny in person? Fuck yes.

Did you think Jungkook deserved a chance? He was a good guy, so why not?

You were ready to meet some okay dude and go home with him, so why not Jungkook? The whole reason why you never thought about fucking him was that you never even talked. Now that’s changed. Another reason you had against it was that he was close to Tae and you really didn’t want your roommate to know details about your sex life. Since Jungkook wanted to keep his Bunny thing a secret, you were sure he would never share any kind of sexual information about you with his friend.

“What do you want to talk about?” He asked eagerly and chewed on his bottom lip. You had to admit flusteredness looked hot on him.

“You,” you smiled at him, hoping he’d calm down. “Do you want another drink?”

“Nope, I’m good,” he said shortly, but then explained, as if he remembered that you wanted him to talk more. “I mean, if we do this, I want to be sober.”

“Good thinking,” you nodded at him. “I’ll have another one.”

Before your hand touched the bottle, Jungkook’s was on yours, and it felt so big and warm, so you instantly remembered what it looked like wrapped around his veiny cock. “Uhm, if… If we’re fucking, I’d like you to be present. Meaning, not wasted.”

“Oh, okay,” you nodded and moved your hand away from his. “Fair enough.”

For a minute or so, both of you were quiet, looking around.

You weren’t sure what Jungkook was thinking about—probably what he was going to talk to you about—but you were focusing on how you wanted to approach this. Did you want to wait until he made the first move, initiated everything, and took control or did you want to help him out?

One side of you wanted to make him step up, but the other side was telling you to be fair and help him out. He was already having some confidence issues, so it would probably help him more if you initiated at least the conversation.

However, Jungkook beat you to it. “How did you find the stream?”

“I…” you stopped, unsure of the best way to go about it. “Long story short, I haven’t had sex in a long time and I never really came on my own,” you admitted, suddenly feeling a bit sheepish around him, mostly because he played such a key part in the story he knew nothing about. Still, if you were going to make this more comfortable, you had to give some too. “So I decided to change it, got toys, watched porn, but I guess nothing worked. Then I got into the moaning video world and it happened.”

“Oh, cool,” he said, as if this wasn’t extremely awkward and personal for you. “So you watch other streamers as well?”

He made watching men jerk off sound like the most normal thing out there. “No, I don’t.”

Your confession made his head snap in your direction. “You only watch me?”

“Yes,” you admitted, smiling at him. “You’re that good.”

You knew that would soothe his ego, but you also knew he deserved it. It was funny how a lot less attractive men had so much more confidence than Jungkook, who had nothing wrong with him.

“Thanks,” he said, looking down with a grin he so desperately tried to hide. “And did you manage to do it?”

“Do what, sorry?”

“Come,” he said the word in a much lower tone, the one he used on stream, and it instantly made your pussy clench. You were conditioned to start soaking the second you heard his low voice talking or, even worse, moaning.

“I-I did,” you admitted, hating yourself for letting your voice falter like that. He already knew you watched him. Did he have to know he managed to get you come every single time?

“Are you ashamed of this?” Jungkook seemed concerned for a second and you appreciated the sentiment.

“Of course,” you said with a shrug. “But what can I do? I saw you naked and thought about you while getting myself off. It’s kind of embarrassing, to say the least.”

Jugkook cleared his throat before responding. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never seen you naked and I’ve jerked off to you numerous times.”

“You have?” Curiosity got the better of you and you just had to know. Besides, if you were going to fuck him, it was good to know things like this.

“Have you seen yourself?” Jungkook asked with a scoff. “Yeah, I’m that much of a loser. Can’t say a single word to you but jerk off to you when I get home.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Does that gross you out?”

“Jungkook, I’ve seen you get yourself off. Nothing about it grosses me out,” you were never that shameless before, but then again, this situation was one of a kind. “And honestly, you’d get so much more pussy if you said things like this to women.”

“You think women like someone telling them they’d jerk off on them?” Jungkook asked, genuinely wondering, completely looking over or ignoring your compliment. You figured he was too ashamed to address it.

“Not everyone, sure, but some would,” you shrugged. “I mean, if I like a guy and he tells me that, I’d enjoy it. Like you said, it’s a confidence thing.”

“Good to know,” he nodded with a smile. “I mean, you’re right. If someone knows you personally and jerks off to you, it’s a really good compliment.”

“It’s a compliment even if they don’t know it’s you,” you added, knowing it would get him flustered because he’d know you were talking about him. Jungkook nodded in response, clearly thinking of what he was going to say to that.

The more you thought about it, the better the idea seemed. You know what he was hiding under those clothes and you wanted to have some fun, and so did he. Why not?

“Jungkook, do you want to fuck me?” You asked, hoping he’d be calm enough to respond.

“Yes,” he did so right away, ready for the question. “I really fucking do.”

“Now?”

“Whenever you let me,” Jungkook sighed.

“Do you think you’ll be good at it?” You asked, feeling like it was the right time to tease him.

“Uh, I,” he fumbled a bit but then calmed himself down with a deep breath. “If you can come just by watching me jerk off, I think I’ll be fine.”

“But that’s not all you do,” you pouted and stood up just to walk over to him and stand right between his legs, leaving him with no option other than to look up at you. “You make the sweetest sounds.”

“If you want that, you can have it,” he agreed in an instant.

“Are you sure you’re not embarrassed? Too ashamed to do this? You know we’ll have to get naked and touch each oth—” you were cut off by his sudden movement.

You were being mean, you knew it. You were teasing, but only because you were still trying to figure out whether this was something you two needed to do.

What if Jungkook wasn’t ready? He barely talked to you before that night, so you weren’t sure he’d have the guts to do much, and if the whole experience sucked, it would be really weird to see each other after.

But, then again, he was Bunny, the confident, hot guy who could now make you come just by speaking.

Jungkook cut you off mid-teasing by standing up and leaning in, as if he was just about to kiss you. “You treat me like a baby far too often for someone who gets off on me every couple of days.”

“Those two aren’t correlated,” you tried to joke your way out of it, but Jungkook was towering over you, letting you inhale the sweet scent of his cologne, and you felt so small next to him all of a sudden.

“You’re absolutely right,” he agreed with a chuckle. “The fact that watching me turns you on has nothing to do with you acting like a brat right now and trying to make me nervous.”

“Oh, and you aren’t nervous?” You cocked your head to the side and placed both hands on his chest. “I feel like you are. You’re finally getting words out, so that’s something.”

“I’ll get a lot more words out of you, trust me,” he said with an air of confidence you weren’t used to seeing from him.

Jungkook sat back down on the sofa and spread his legs, as if he was waiting for you to straddle him, so you did exactly that. You couldn’t help it—his spread thighs looked so inviting, even when they were covered by jeans. Two could play this game and you were determined to win. You could swear he shuddered when you sat on him and placed your hands on his shoulders, but you didn’t think much of it—it was normal to be nervous in this situation.

“Are you sure about that?” You asked cockily when you realized he was speechless.

In response, Jungkook started to unbutton his shirt until all you could see in front of yourself was his naked chest. Then, he leaned back against the sofa, letting himself fall into the cushions. “Are you sure?”

“Hm,” you hummed in agreement and let your hands wander over his chest. When you touched him, you felt his body stiffen under you, but Jungkook relaxed and let your cold hands touch him all over his warm chest and you enjoyed every second of it. It was all a lot firmer, smoother, and more real than you’d imagined. “I wonder how a handsome guy like you has so much trouble with girls.”

The compliment made Jungkook flush, but he steered the conversation elsewhere. “Are you going to keep that on?”

You looked down at your shirt and quickly got it over your head, which left you only in your bra. Jungkook seemed to enjoy the sight a lot more than you thought he would and for a while, his eyes were glued to your lace covered breasts. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“That was a question?” He cocked an eyebrow up and grinned. “I thought you were just being a bitch.”

His remark made you laugh and he seemed to enjoy you doing that. “While I’m known to be a bitch from time to time, that wasn’t my intention,” you said while slowly moving your hands up to his face until you had it in your hands, your palms holding the backs of his jawbone, directing his head the way you wanted it to face. “I was actually trying to give you a compliment.”

“It came out kind of backhanded,” Jungkook grinned while looking straight into your eyes, your hands on his head. “You could have just said something about how much you liked my dick if you were really trying to compliment me.”

You appreciated the cockiness of his tone and liked the fact that he was starting to open up. “See? If you acted this way around women, you’d have no trouble getting them to fuck you.”

Jungkook placed his hand over yours and looked you straight in the eye. “Can we stop talking about these hypothetical women? I couldn’t care less about other women right now. You’re sitting on my dick. Fuck other women.”

You laughed again and slowly moved away from him. “How about we take this to your bedroom? I’d like to see you in action.”

“This is the least romantic proposition I’ve ever received,” Jungkook joked, but still got up swiftly and took you to the bedroom while getting rid of his belt and shirt in the process. For someone who was complaining so much, he seemed to be very eager to get naked.

“That’s rich coming from you, Bunny,” you joked too, knowing you’d hit a nerve, but Jungkook just laughed heartily.

“I sort of had that one coming,” he shrugged and closed the door behind you. “But I mean, this is the exact opposite of romantic. I-I, we haven’t even kissed. And we still have our clothes on.”

“Then let’s take it off,” you said and got rid of your pants, bra, and then panties, all the while Jungkook stood there leaning against the bedroom door, watching you in what seemed like awe, but you guessed it was just horniness. “What about you?”

“Oh, right,” he snapped out of it quickly and got out of his pants and boxers, showing you the dick you felt like you knew personally by then. Fuck, it looked even better and smoother in person. Seeing a naked man after such a long time already felt amazing on its own, but coupled with the fact that he was that good-looking, the experience turned into something you wouldn’t be able to forget. “Like what you see?”

You nodded, not even wanting to pretend you had something funny to say about it. You were sure he could already tell by the way your mouth gaped at the sight of his erect dick. “You’re even better in person, if that means anything for your ego.”

“It sure fucking does,” he smiled softly, which seemed such a contrast from his naked body that was calling you to touch it. “You said you wanted to see me?”

“If you don’t mind,” you looked at him questioningly and when he nodded, you moved to the bed and sat down on it, unsure of what to do. Jungkook was right about one thing and it was the lack of romance or anything similar. The whole thing was weird from start to finish, but you were sure you’d make it work.

“One thing, though,” he said after he walked over to his computer desk—that computer desk—and got the lube. “I’d like to watch you too.”

“Oh,” you mouthed and decided that it was only fair. Why would he put on a show for you and get nothing in return? What’s fair is fair. “At the same time?”

“Just do it like you always do it,” he teased, making you roll your eyes at him. He was right though, that’s exactly how it went. You’d watch Bunny and get yourself off.

“Well, I usually have a vibrator,” you told him, knowing this would get him all worked up. The fact that he started to stroke himself dry served as proof of your prediction being true.

“Fuck, that sounds nice,” Jungkook said, biting his lip. “Can you manage without it?”

“I won’t come,” you said, stacking the two pillows on top of each other so you could rest against them and stare right at Jungkook, who was standing at the edge of the bed, his erection in hand. Your confession made him sad.

“Where’s the fun in that?” He asked, seeming worried about this, which got him even more points in your book. The amount of guys you knew that just didn’t really care if their partner came was astounding, sadly. “How do you usually do it with a guy?”

“Oral,” you said, not knowing whether that was even his thing, but his smile he gave you reassured you.

“Want me to eat you out?” Jungkook suggested and you had a hard time thinking about anything else other than his lips and tongue on you and those fucking gorgeous fingers inside of you.

“No,” you said, making him frown instantly. “Give me the lube,” you said and he threw it on the bed next to you, so you took it, squirted some in your hand, and threw it back at him. “Let me watch for a while and then you can eat me out.”

“Deal,” Jungkook nodded and squirted a generous amount of lube on his cock. “Want me to lie down, stand, sit?”

“Whatever feels good for you,” you told him honestly. Did it matter? If you got to see his cock in action, you’d be happy.

“Standing then,” he shrugged and lifted one leg on the bed, allowing you an even better view of his firm thighs, balls, and cock.

Jungkook slowly started to stroke himself, but since you were so used to it and knew what was coming, you reached down and started rubbing your clit. When he saw you do that, Jungkook immediately sped up his pace. “Do you usually do it like that?”

You hummed in agreement, unable to take your eyes off his big cock.

“You like watching me?” He asked the question he used so much in his streams, making you clench around nothing. “I knew you would.”

You nodded, without even thinking about it.

Jungkook wasn’t the dominant one here, not at all. If anything, it should have been you—you were the older one, the one with more sexual experience, the one who was able to have conversations with those of the opposite sex. You had more confidence in general and weren’t afraid to ask for what you wanted when you wanted it. Yet, he was the one talking and having you melt like it was your first time seeing a man.

“Does it seem big enough for you?”

“Fuck yes,” you decided to respond to this one, wanting to make him as weak as you seemed. “It will fit so nicely.”

“Right?” Jungkook asked, his voice suddenly shaky, and you just knew he was imagining being right inside of you. “Right in your pretty little cunt.”

“Yes,” you agreed, feeling yourself getting soaked. The tone of voice he used now was different from the Bunny one, it wasn’t that deep or fake, so you enjoyed it even more, even though you thought that wasn’t humanly possible. “I can’t wait for you to fuck me, Jungkook.”

“I know, baby,” he responded, using the nickname he so often used in the live-streams. You didn’t like it when guys called you that—it was overused and felt cheap since they used that nickname for every single girl they dated. None of it mattered now and you wanted to hear him call you baby all night. “You’ve been wanting this for a long time, huh?”

“Very long,” you hissed the words as your clit finally started to respond to your quick movements. “Too long.”

“I think so too,” he said, moving his leg down from the bed and walking over so he was standing on the side of the bed, a lot closer to you. He was still tugging at his hard cock. “We should have done this sooner.”

“Speak up sooner next time,” you teased, thinking it was a good idea.

Jungkook reached for your face, gently grabbed your chin and made you look up at him. “I’ll just put it in you if you keep this up.”

You’d never thought a threat could sound as attractive as that, but Jungkook made it possible. The fact that the shy guy who couldn’t even look at you before was now saying this was surprising in itself, let alone your reaction to it.

“You say that like it’s a threat,” you said, having a hard time focusing on his eyes when his dick was right there, so fucking close you could touch it.

Jungkook groaned in frustration. “I��m really trying to be nice and do whatever you ask of me. You said you wanted to watch, so I’m giving you a show. But now you’re just teasing me.”

“You’re right, sorry,” you licked your lips. “I just like teasing you.”

The response seemed to please him, so he continued touching himself. “You know what’s funny? It takes me so long to come during the stream, but if you were right in front of me, I’d come so fast.”

“Already coming?” You said, jokingly, but he didn’t seem to appreciate the joke. “I’m kidding. I’d really like to see you come all over yourself.”

“Since you’re here, I’d much rather come all over you,” Jungkook responded, making your breath hitch in your throat.

“Sounds good,” you agreed and started rubbing yourself faster, to which he groaned, and that in turn made you hiss and buck your hips into your hand.

“What is it? Like it when I make sounds for you?” He said, knowing the answer very well. “You sure fucking do. You love watching me touch my dick, you like watching me come, you love hearing me. You get off to me so fucking often, right?”

You nodded, feeling too weak to respond. Your fucking vagina was playing tricks on you again and you felt like you wouldn’t come even though you were having the time of your life. Everything was right—the mood, the guy next to you, the way you were touching your clit, but it just wasn’t happening.

“Say it,” Jungkook said in a harsher tone, which immediately made you want to respond.

“I watch you almost every day, Jungkook,” you said with a grunt, losing any bit of decency you had left. If he’d use this information against you, so be it. “Whenever you’re on, almost. I love watching you so much.”

“Why?” He asked, enjoying every single word that came out of your mouth.

“You always seem so clean and smooth. Your skin looks perfect, your fingers are so long and your dick is big, so I always imagine them in me,” you stopped and moaned when the pressure you were applying to your clit became too much.

“You think about me fucking you?”

“A lot,” you admitted, enjoying the way your words affected him. “You make me come so fast. Two, three minutes, and I’m out.”

This made Jungkook smile widely. “Can I come over you? Shower your tits with cum?”

You nodded without thinking. If it meant he wouldn’t fuck you, so be it. You wanted to see him come. It felt like the perfect payback for all the time he’s made you come.

“Good girl,” he grinned and moved closer, offering you his dick to suck. “Take just the tip, huh? Just a little bit.”

Instead of responding, you leaned in and wrapped your lips around his warm, wet tip and got the most guttural moan you’ve ever heard from him. Instinctively, Jungkook thrust into your mouth, but thankfully, he didn’t get too far in because you were still sitting away from him. “Fucking hell, you feel so good,” he mumbled and reached down to take a fistful of your hair. Instead of pulling your hair, he started grazing your scalp with his fingers, being a lot more gentle than you’d imagined. “Your tongue will finish me, fuck.”

You hummed against his cock and brought a hand up to grope his thigh a couple of times before moving on to grab his balls. When you did that, Jungkook kicked his head back and moaned your name. You were no longer touching yourself —you wanted to focus solely on him, so you did exactly that, but you wanted to feel something as soon as you heard him moan like that, enjoying himself so much.

“Right there, hmhm,” Jungkook moaned, continuing to play with your hair while looking down at you with his cock in your mouth and balls in your hand. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. You’re insanely hot, you have no idea… Fuck, right there.”

You continued to moan and hum against his cock, knowing that the vibrations made him feel even better. Soon enough, Jungkook pulled out of your mouth and continued to touch himself. “I can come over you? Quick?”

You nodded and then heard him grunt your name before streaks of white sticky liquid shot out of his cock and landed across your breasts and stomach. You were sure some ended up on Jungkook’s sheets, but you couldn’t have cared less in that moment.

There was something so mouth-watering about seeing such a handsome guy with such a nice dick use it to get himself all over you, and knowing you helped make that happen. Jungkook held onto the wall with one hand as he milked himself out over you, enjoying the sight.

“You’re so amazing,” he mumbled at you, trying to calm his breathing down. “My turn?”

You nodded and before you knew it, he was between your legs, his full lips latching onto your clit while his two fingers circled your entrance. He touched you and moaned the second he realized your hole was hot, soaking, and ready for him, so he shoved both fingers in and sucked on your clit while using the other hand to grope your buttcheek.

Fucking Jungkook and his fucking long fingers and nimble tongue! It was embarrassing that it took him less than a minute of oral to get you to come with a scream of his name and a hard grip of his curly hair, but it happened and you couldn’t feel bad about it, not when he’d just jerked off in front of you and brought your wildest fantasies to life.

Since he kept sucking on your clit even though you just came, you pushed him away to stop him and saw how messy he was with your slick all over his face, a string of it connecting his chin to your pussy.

“Ugh,” you shook your head, feeling embarrassed. “Wipe your mouth, I’m all over you.”

“That’s my favorite part,” Jungkook grunted, but got up to get the towel, like you asked.

When he came back, he found you in the same position, lying on your back, your legs spread, trying to catch your breath. You just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that a) Jungkook was Bunny, b) you were attracted to Jungkook, and c) you two had just made each other come.

“You okay?” He said, sitting down next to you, handing you the towel.

“This was the first time I came with a guy in like, what?, a year?” You sighed, feeling completely satisfied, for a change. “So I’m enjoying it.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Somehow, you didn’t really know how, you agreed to sleep over. It was late and you didn’t want to face Taehyung, so what was the point of going home and having Taehyung verbally attack you until you told him what had happened? It wouldn’t have been a good idea.

Besides, you didn’t want to ruin such a satisfactory night by stressing over your roommate. You’d deal with it tomorrow.

Jungkook offered you an extra toothbrush, warm cloth, coconut oil to get rid of your makeup, and a moisturizer, which was so funny considering you thought he knew next to nothing about women. Then, he gave you one of his big t-shirts and asked you to sleep next to him which you did.

Well, you tried.

It was hard to fall asleep because your heart was racing. You thought it was due to all the drinks earlier, but you knew it was because of the man sleeping next to you. He was so fucking good at oral, he was great at turning you on, he was funny and charming when he wasn’t dying from embarassment, and you couldn’t believe that was the Jungkook you knew.

Or well, didn’t know.

He couldn’t sleep either, so both of you kept tossing and turning around until Jungkook spoke.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you responded, hoping you didn’t sound weird. “Trying to calm down so I can sleep.”

“Oh,” he sighed. “Me too. Eventful night.”

“Truly,” you wholeheartedly agreed and tried to be funny. “You’re really good at this, Bunny.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook replied, not sounding convinced. You could tell something was on his mind, his tone was different. “Can I ask you something?”

“After this, you can ask me anything,” you repeated yourself after going a step further than the last time you’d said it.

Jungkook cleared his throat. “Why didn’t you kiss me? Do you even like kissing?”

“I love it,” you admitted, feeling like it was a lot easier to be honest now that you were in the dark.

“So?” His breath seemed shaky and you weren’t sure if this was really bothering him.

“I guess there was just no opportunity.”

“I guess,” he agreed, even though it didn’t sound like he meant it.

He was right, though, it was weird. You could have kissed when you were straddling him, but you didn’t. Still, you weren’t the only player in this game.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” You asked him back, throwing the ball in his court.

“I don’t know. I’m a pussy,” he said nonchalantly, so much so that it made you laugh out loud.

“Want us to kiss now?” You were the one to offer, unable to find a downside to it. You’d already touched each other, so a kiss wouldn’t make or break anything.

Jungkook hummed in agreement so you turned to face him and he did the same. You were the first one to lean in, but he was the first one to kiss and it was sweet, short, and gentle, and his lips gently rubbed against yours. It was so simple, but it made you want more.

Still, you didn’t want to do the most and try to initiate something again. Instead, you simply enjoyed the kisses. First, they were pecks, then they got a bit deeper with your wet lips gliding against the other’s, making you feel warm all over. Then, you felt Jungkook’s tongue probing your lips and you let it enter and play with yours, which instantly got you in the mood. However, Jungkook didn’t overdo it. He went back to slow kissing until the both of you were out of breath, so he pulled away first and took a deep one.

“You’re a great kisser,” he told you.

“You too,” you said it back, meaning it wholeheartedly. Anyone who could get you to lose your breath when just kissing you was amazing at it.

Somehow, you both managed to fall asleep. It wasn’t a good night’s sleep—you tossed and turned, woke up and then went back to sleep, and in the end felt like you didn’t get a wink of sleep.

The clock on Jungkook’s nightstand said it was 4AM when you woke up next, so you exhaled loudly and threw your hands down on the covers, angry at yourself for not being able to fall asleep. You were wondering whether you should just give up on sleeping and go home. Jungkook turned on his side and spoke, which scared you—you weren’t expecting him to be awake too.

“Everything okay?” He sounded a lot more sleepy than you. In fact, it sounded like he was still half-asleep.

“Can’t sleep,” you whispered to him. “You go back to sleep, okay?”

Instead of responding, Jungkook reached out, wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you into his frame, so the side of your body was pressed against the front of his. “Better?”

“We’ll see,” you said and closed your eyes, enjoying his warmth against your body, feeling a lot calmer than you did before. It seemed like Jungkook had so much experience with women, he knew exactly how to pull you in closer, how to hug you so he wasn’t squeezing you too hard.

Jungkook rested his head next to yours, so you could hear his now quiet breathing and allow it to lull you to sleep. You stretched out your neck and groaned while doing so, feeling stiff and tired.

You didn’t expect Jungkook to react to this, but his body did—you could suddenly feel him hardening against your side. Being as mean as you were, you slowly pushed your side into him, trying to feel out if he was really sporting an erection.

“Sorry,” he mumbled into your ear. “The sounds got me.”

“You really need to stop apologizing for everything,” you told him with a low chuckle.

“I thought that was a part of my charm,” he teased back, suddenly sounding a lot more awake.

“Well, your dick is also a part of it, so you don’t have to apologize,” you responded, which made him move his hand up from your waist to the side of your face and cup it gently.

“Can I kiss you?” Jungkook asked. “Just a kiss.”

You nodded and he leaned in. The kiss seemed to last forever and you wouldn’t change a single thing about it—it was the perfect kiss. It was slow, lazy, wet, warm, sensual, and you never wanted him to stop. The more Jungkook kissed you, the more you wanted him, evident by the way your insides were starting to grow warmer and your pussy was starting to dampen.

You were the one to stop the kiss just to mutter a question at him. “Are you tired?”

“What do you have in mind?” He asked, pecking your lips and rubbing your cheek with his thumb. The whole situation felt a whole lot more intimate than it should, but you blamed it on fatigue, exhaustion, and chemistry between the two of you. You two weren’t romantically interested in each other—you were just two people who really needed to get off.

You reached down under the sheets and cupped his cock. “I’d really like to feel you inside.”

Jungkook hummed gently and pecked your lips as his hand made its way to your crotch, which he promptly cupped in return. “I’m never too tired for that.”

It all happened fairly quickly, but it was because you were both clearly so fucking eager to get laid, even after you both came hours earlier. Nothing beat sex, though.

Jungkook’s fingers quickly find their way under your underwear, where he grazed your crotch gently. Before you knew it, you were grabbing him tighter and pulling him in closer, which he took as a sign to ease two fingers inside of you. That was enough for you to moan gently, trying to keep it together. It just felt so fucking good to have someone finally touch you.

“Good?” Jungkook asked once he started to finger you and you nodded before kissing him again, trying to focus on the feeling of his fingers inside of you.

When Jungkook felt how wet and ready you were for him, it was his turn to grunt. You could tell he was trying to keep it down, but the grunt made him sound like Bunny and the memories came flooding in, making you even more eager for him.

Then, Jungkook decided to get rid of your underwear, following your lead. It didn’t take him long to get on top of you and prop himself up on one elbow while holding his dick in his other hand. “Condom?” Jungkook asked, and you could see he was hoping it was a no.

By this point, your eyes were used to the darkness, the only source of light being the clock on his nightstand. That’s why you could see how his eyes grew wider as he waited for your response.

“I’m on the pill for hormones,” you informed him, which made his face light up. “Are you clean?”

He eagerly nodded in agreement. “I got tested last year. Didn’t have sex since then.”

You chuckled at the admission. “We’re in the same fucking boat.”

“And I’m really fucking happy about that,” he mumbled in response as he positioned his tip at your entrance. Then, he looked up at your eyes, smiled, and gently inserted his cock into you, allowing your pussy to engulf it hungrily and get accustomed to his girth.

It was a lot to take in, but thankfully, you had a vibrator for practice and you were so fucking wet you though it would glide right in. Besides, his fingers did a good job of getting you ready for this.

A minute of shallow thrusting later, his cock finally made its way in and out easily, and it made you groan and kick your head back. Jungkook was keeping his distance from you, propped up on his palms as he started to thrust into you gently, groaning with each thrust.

For a while, you tried to focus on him and take it all in—his facial expressions, the way his hair fell over his face, how his arms and chest muscles flexed as he held himself up, how easily he moved his hips. The thing you couldn’t stop staring at was the point where your bodies connected, his body between your legs, his cock entering you, disappearing inside of your wetness and then reappearing, red and hard, slick with your juices.

“Come,” you said, wrapping your hands around Jungkook’s shoulders and pulling him in closer. “I like to be close.”

That was a lie, though.

You usually didn’t like to be close to guys when fucking them—you didn’t appreciate the stickiness, the sweat, feeling someone’s heavy body on you. All of these things distracted you from enjoying what was happening between your legs.

With Jungkook, however, none of it mattered. You wanted to feel close to him, mostly because it was so late and you were both tired and worn out and he kissed you and touched your cheek so gently earlier and you wanted more comfort from him, so you pulled him into your chest.

“You do?” He asked, kissing your neck, his mouth leaving a wet trail behind. You tangled your fingers in his curls and grazed his scalps, presuming he liked it since he’s done it to you. “Never thought you were that type.”

For someone who talked to women so rarely, Jungkook sure read them well. “I’m not usually, but I am tonight.”

“I see,” he seemed to be happy with your response, you could tell by the way he started thrusting harder and kissing your neck.

Now that he was on top of you, he could sneak one hand beneath you and pull you in closer by the waist while continuing to kiss your neck. You played with his hair, tugging at it, getting him to moan and groan even more.

The sex was slow and steady, soft, without any awkwardness that was visible earlier. You figured a lot of it had to do with the fact that you were practically in the dark and so, so tired. Despite asking for kisses earlier, Jungkook still didn’t seem so comfortable giving them.

“Ah, fuck!” Jungkook grunted and quickly pulled out, following the action with a loud hiss. “Fuck!”

You immediately winced at the loss of his hard, warm cock inside of you. “What’s wrong?”

“I almost came,” he shook his head, once again on his elbows. “Sorry.”

“Jungkook, relax,” you said, pulling him in closer once again, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and head so you could kiss his cheek and whisper to him. “It’s just me, relax… Put it back in. You can come whenever you’d like.”

“You first,” he shook his head.

“If you touch my clit, I’ll scream,” you said, explaining to him that you felt too sensitive for that. The fact that you’d touched it yourself and then he tongued it made the bud hard and sensitive to touch, and you didn’t want to overdo it. “So, fuck me some more.”

Jungkook eased himself into you with a loud grunt, “Fuck, you’re tight...”

“Why don’t you kiss me?” You suggested, hoping he would, and Jungkook did as asked, his mouth quickly finding yours as he kept thrusting into you slow and steady, making you feel all sorts of warm inside.

You weren’t sure which one of you was enjoying the kiss more because you were both moaning into the kiss and groping each other. You were squeezing and smacking his firm ass, wanting him to go harder, while Jungkook touched every part of you he could reach, his mouth never leaving yours.

“I never want to come,” he mumbled into the kiss, which made you both chuckle. “You’re so warm… Don’t want to pull out…”

“Fuck me,” you told him, even though he was already doing that—and he was amazing at it.

As if those words did something to him, Jungkook rested his forehead on the pillow right next to your head and reached down to grab both your buttocks, lifting them up a bit so he could continue to thrust into you, this time a lot more quicker and harder seeing as he was holding your hips and that gave him more support.

As soon as he started doing that, he hit your g-spot—you could tell by the way a moan escaped your lips unintentionally and how your pussy clenched around him. His dick was big enough to reach it and you couldn’t remember the last time that happened.

“Like that, huh?” Jungkook mumbled, leaning his head to the side so he could whisper into your ear and peck your cheek. Then, he thrust into you even harder and chuckled when you let out an even louder moan and dug your fingers into his ass, enjoying every second of it. “You love it when someone rams you hard… Fuck, you’re tight! Ugh!”

It sounded like his words turned you both on equally—he loved hearing them as much as you did. Whenever he said something dirty, your mind instantly flew to all the fun you had with Bunny in the background. And now here you were, with him, in his fucking bed, fucking him.

“Go harder, Jungkook,” you whispered back, turning your face to the side to kiss him, fingers now grazing his back all the way down to his ass. “I want more.”

“More?” He asked with a chuckle. “Sure.”

With that, he started moving so fast your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you lost breath for a second. Each thrust helped him hit your g-spot hard, so hard that you were wrapping your legs around his waist and clenching, never wanting him to stop.

Jungkook seemed to get how good the position felt so he kept going, his fingers digging into the flesh of your ass as he held it above the bed and pounded you hard, so hard you couldn’t help but groan and swear at him.

What was so great about the position was that your chest was pressed against his and you felt like he was in complete control of it, holding you, ramming his cock into you, and all you could do was wrap your legs around his waist tighter and grip his hair to show him how good he was making you feel.

“Fuck, keep going,” you grunted, feeling something strange, but good, inside of you. Jungkook’s cock kept hitting your g-spot every time he shoved his dick inside of you, and it made you clench around him each time, feeling wetter with each second. If this was the build-up of an orgasm, it was different from the ones you’ve experienced so far, but you knew it would be just as good. “Right there, Jungkook, fuck!”

Jungkook grunted at your words and tried to keep the same pace, but you could tell he was getting tired. After all, it was the middle of the night and he was holding you up by the hips while slamming his cock into you hard and quick. You could feel he was getting sweatier quickly, his curly hair sticking to the sides of his face, which was resting against yours, allowing you to feel him so close to you.

The moans that were coming out of his mouth were suppressed and a lot softer and quieter than the ones you were used to hearing from him—on stream, at least. Still, they managed to turn you on just the same.

Instead of overthinking the fact that you were fucking Jungkook and that you’d have to deal with this somehow, you closed your eyes and focused solely on him—the thrusts of his hips, his cock inside of you, touching you right where you needed him, his soft moaning right next to your ear, his hands holding you tight.

The more you relaxed, the better the feeling inside of you got. The build-up was slow and then it started to bring you so much pleasure you couldn’t help but groan his name and hold onto him tighter.

“Oh, fuck, yeah,” Jungkook seemed to be reacting to the sounds you were making. “I’ll come if you don’t stop.”

The idea of having Jungkook come was appealing but so was the idea of him fucking you for a bit longer. Still, you didn’t want to ruin his fun.

“Come, Jungkook,” you gripped his hair and kissed the side of his face, both of you sweaty and panting. “It’s okay…”

“You’re so fucking tight, it’s hard to control it,” he grunted, finally relaxing enough say more than a couple of words. Jungkook squeezed your ass tight and continued to ram himself into you and it seemed so desperate—he was going so fast now, trying to get off, and the whole thing turned you on even more. “So tight and wet… Perfect for my cock…”

“Yeah, yeah,” you moaned, feeling like you were about to burst. “You feel so good.”

“So do you,” he mumbled with a chuckle and then he started to go really hard, which made you kick your head back, scream his name, and let him do whatever he wanted.

As if that was what he was waiting for, Jungkook now let your hips fall to the bed and then he started to go as fast as possible, the sounds of skin hitting skin filling the room, accompanied by his loud grunts. When he realized you were enjoying the sound she was making, he smirked, looking straight into your eyes.

“I forgot you liked that,” he said cockily, continuing to thrust.

“Shut up,” you grunted, but didn’t have the energy to argue when you did in fact like it, a lot more than he realized.

“Hold onto me,” he suggested, and you wrapped your hands around him, holding onto his shoulders.

The stamina on him was clearly amazing, but the force he used was even more astonishing. Jungkook started to thrust so hard that he pushed you into the bed and the bed into the wall. This had obviously happened to him before, which is why he asked you to hold onto him, and you had no problem with it. You liked it rough.

Each thrust made your whole body vibrate as you gripped onto his shoulder, not wanting to move away too far and lose the feeling of his girthy dick filling you up. What the force of his thrust also taught you was that he was big enough to touch your g-spot even from missionary—and you fucking loved it.

Because it was so quick and rough, it felt like he was pressing against it more than not. Surprising the both of you, you came very suddenly, screaming his name, digging your fingers into his shoulders, surely leaving crescent-shaped marks behind, but neither one of you seemed to care.

“Fuck, Jungkook, fuck!” You grunted over and over again, completely relaxing and falling on the bed, feeling warmth fill your stomach, crotch, and thighs, your chest still heaving.

“You have no idea how fucking good it feels, ungh, when you clench me like that,” he said into your ear, grunting lowly after every couple of words, unable to control it. “Can I come?”

“Mhm,” you said, sneaking your hand to the back of his head and tugging at his hair, starting to kiss his neck. “Come for me, Jungkook.”

It didn’t take him long to do exactly that—his body shook the second the first stream of cum shot out of his cock and covered your walls. You couldn’t feel that inside of you, but you could feel him tense and relax, and his grunts told you he enjoyed it a lot. You were happy to notice that it lasted a lot longer than it usually did for the guys you've slept with, so you took that as a good sign.

Clearly, you weren’t going to tell Jungkook he was the first guy who made you squirt (you didn’t know it was him at the time, though) or the first guy who made you come during sex, without using his hands and mouth. You didn’t want it to get to his head.

You felt too weak to get up, but you had to—you couldn’t fall asleep full of cum. By the time you cleaned yourself up and came back to bed, Jungkook dozed off, so you got under the covers and hoped to God your friendship—or whatever it was—wouldn’t be even more awkward when you woke up.

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