sunwillrisetoday

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Life update (hello, is this thing on?)

Crazy to see my last post came January 5th of this year and the post before that was an anonymous question (a q anon...get it?) I am alive. Much of this year was shitty, I was out of work for much of the year. I had probably at least 3 emotional breakdowns related to COVID, job stress, financial stress, etc. The funny thing was the day I had my last emotional breakdown I was in the process of interviewing for a job with a recruiter. I was going through the back and forth and was about to set up an interview with the team looking to hire when I got a call from their HR person saying that they were looking for someone who was currently working, or at least a shorter time between jobs compared to what I had on my resume. I lost it, like completely lost it in an ugly. It was so bad, Daisy saw me crying hysterically in my room and freaked out not know what to do. So she ended up running to my wife and barked at her and ran back to me until my wife came from her office to see me in my shattered state.

I mention all that because not 2 hours after that breakdown, I got a call from an HR person at a company that I had applied to and asked if I would be willing to come in for an in person interview later that same week. They were looking to fill the position quickly and were hoping I was available. I came in, I did as best as I could (and I thought I bombed) and a week later I was offered a job! I’ve been at the company since the end of October and am loving it. I love the work, more importantly, I love the people here I work with. The drive is tough, having to commute about 52 miles (or in California time speak about 1 hr 15 minutes) each way but it’s worth it to say I have a job again, and have found purpose. 

Many days this year I wondered if the sun would rise again for me, I felt like I lived in a world of darkness with no hope of getting to the light. I even had some dark thoughts about staying in the darkness permanently. Between my wife, and my dog though I made it out the other side. I’m happy that this year will be ending and not soon enough, but right now I really just try to stay present and savor the little things that each day gives me. It was hard to come here because I really had nothing to say or want to share, other than dread, anger and sadness. If anyone is still out there after all this time away, I hope that you are in a good place or at least moving along the path towards finding that good place. 

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Daisy says hello, she enjoyed her time at the park this morning chasing a ball around.

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How is life treating you?

Not good. The holidays have been a hard time for me, just missing family and still being out of work. I've spent most days on the verge of tears if not openly having a sob session about the state of things right now. I really can't wait for this year to end, I hope 2020 is better, because I don't know how much more I can deal with.

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The years are growing between albums as they get older. I really hope something comes out 2020.

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The story of my life right now. More job rejections, now family drama adding a new twist. I'm sick of this shit, and just want my punishment to be considered served.

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You know

If I could erase a time from my life, I would erase this 40th year so far. It has been absolute shit, and not getting any better. Going on 4 months now unemployed after losing my job with no real prospects on the horizon, my marriage is nothing to write home about, my dog had emotional issues that prevent her from letting people get within 5 ft of her that's not mom or dad and won't let dogs get within 500 ft without losing her shit.

I wonder sometimes who I pissed off and why I have to go through these tough times. I'm ready for things to get just a bit easier at some point. I haven't even had anything to drink tonight yet all I want to do is run away and hide out in the middle of nowhere, like Patagonia or walk the Camino de Santiago and start over in life.

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Because everything is better in slow motion.

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I'm a sucker for Acapella videos on YouTube. I found this tonight before bed and it put me in such a good mood. I love the sound of Marvin Gaye's voice, so clean, angelic to me. I must find more videos like this of some of my favorite songs

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Daisy with some deep thoughts today.

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Here is my lyric:

"Well I've heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord"

I Have A Theory

The your favorite line from the song “Hallelujah” says a lot about you as a person.

I’ll start.

“And she tied you to her kitchen chair, and she broke your throne and she cut your hair and from your lips she drew a Hallelujah.”

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On the 5th, the Mrs and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We went to the coast and got a room with a hot tub for some good times. This trip was really needed, we've been having a hard go recently, but between this trip and couples therapy that we've been going to now for a month we are actually on solid footing. I got my first facial (phrasing!) with her, and we actually spent time just talking to each other. As weird as that may sound, we haven't done much of that the past several months, which also led to us growing apart. Things actually are feeling positive between us, not the former angst and dread of coming home and wondering what we would fight about. Here's hoping year 3 is a great one 😊

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This is my niece. Words cannot describe how proud I am of her for her hard work in getting legislature passed here in Oregon that will help other kids her age and younger. She is already leaving a mark here, and I know she's not done helping others.

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I thought the solution was a good guy with a gun, that would stop a bad guy with a gun.

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21 questions

I was tagged by the very cool @the-kxpx​, whom I miss hanging out with very much here in Oregon. Let’s see what these questions are.

Nickname: I’ve only got a couple nicknames, my main one is Rob. My family calls me Robbie, my nickname in high school when I was on the baseball team was Rafiki (from the Lion King) because I used to meditate for 30 minutes before every game that I started as a pitcher, so they used to give me hard time about that. 

Height: 5'7

Last thing I searched for: my laptop to work on some job hunting (and see Tumblr)

Favorite musician: Pearl Jam is number 1 for me. I have a wide range of favorite musicians and groups, it depends on my mood. Right now I’m really into Queen, the Doors, Linkin Park (after watching a No Life Shaq reaction video here) I would also be remiss if i didn’t include my girl Kelly Clarkson as a favorite as well.

What song is stuck in your head: Numb by Linkin Park

If I had a time machine would I go back or into the future: I would want to go to the future, I’ve lived the past already, but would be curious to see how things are in the next 10, 20, 30, 50 years (if we’re still around after Climate Change and earthquakes change the planet)

Do I get asks: Never.

Who am I following: Mostly tumblr vets, some since the day I joined in 2011. I also follow some Machu Picchu blogs just to remember what it was like to see that place in person twice.

Would I rather be rich or famous: Rich, easy. I’d still like to be able to walk down the street without being bothered, but I’d love to not have to sweat making my rent and other things like I worry about today the longer I’m out of work. 

How much sleep do I get: I get about 6-7 hrs, it’s been better since Daisy has been to board and train for the past 2 weeks, but i still try to get a good night sleep and get up early so I keep the depression at bay by staying in a working routine until i find said work. 

What’s my favorite food: Mexican food, such a comfort food for me.

Favorite books/games/films/shows:  Not much of a book person. Games I really enjoy the Nintendo Switch games like Mario Party and Mario Kart. Films, too many to list but I’ll go with the original Star Wars trilogy, Clue, Three Amigos, Blazing Saddles, the Godfather I and II, Lincoln, West Side Story, Sound of Music, Avengers trilogy, Captain America trilogy, Forrest Gump, Indiana Jones 1 and 3 (2 and 4 don’t exist to me). Shows, I’d have to go with the West Wing as my all time favorite show and still watch on occasion today, especially in these trying political times of this Administration. Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Game of Thrones seasons 1-7.

Lucky number: 24

Do I play any instruments: Not at all, but am thinking of getting a guitar and learning while i have the free time right now. 

What am I wearing: Shorts, sandals, a workout shirt, nothing special at the moment. 

What is my dream job: Professional Sports mascot (my idols are the Phillie Phanatic, Bailey from the LA Kings, Mr. Met, Clutch from the Houston Rockets, the KC Wolf

Dream trip: I would probably really want to go to the Caribbean or some tropical place like Fiji. i really want to be in a place with such beautiful waters, and warm temperatures where I can just let all my stresses and worries go away. 

If I were an animal what would I be: My spirit animal is a Grizzly Bear. I just want to sleep, walk around for a bit, eat some fish and be left alone. 

Hobbies: not many at this time sadly, maybe that’s why I’m struggling with things right now.

Zodiac: Pisces to the core of me

Age:40, just turned it this year and I gotta be honest, it has been awful. 

Describe myself in aesthetics: Sandals, sunglasses (if the sun ever showed up in Oregon for more than 3 months) hockey jerseys, coffee, dog hair (thanks Daisy)

I tag anyone that wants to do it, if not, I won’t judge. 

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for @dame0fgroans and in honor of Flashback Friday, I present a series of photos. Daisy from the day we got her (top 2 pictures) to when he ears perked up and became buddies for about 10 days (2nd 2 pictures) to a few months later when she started to grow into them. The bottom picture is Daisy fully grown as of 2 weeks ago, before she left for training. 

Her ears have been the feature everyone talks about when they see pictures of her. 

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I miss the 2 weeks it felt like when Daisy’s ears were both this big and next to each other. I’m missing that dog quite a bit while she’s away at a board and train to help with her confidence. I may throw a flashback friday to Daisy and her ears. 

This is my stick, there’s many like this but this one is definitely mine!