superbat-lmao

[superbat-lmao]

Jason being immortal but it’s kinda like Klaus from the umbrella academy in the sense that he doesn’t fucking realise that he’s immortal. Damian is the only one who knows and it’s been pissing him off for YEARS that Jason won’t get with the fucking program.

the thing is, Jason never questioned what exactly woke him up back in that coffin. he was slightly distracted by dealing with the wood and dirt attempting to suffocate him back beyond the grave, and once he’d gotten free and was wandering around Gotham, he didn’t have the presence of mind to do much but zombie-walk around until the league found him. after that? well he was too busy with training, annoying Ra’s, helping raise Damian, and just overall getting used to life without being Robin to think about the fact that he’d come back to life at one point.

Damian, on the other hand, clocked that Jason was immortal as a toddler when he watched his new older brother accidentally fall off a cliff during a ‘nature hike’ that was actually endurance training that Damian had been allowed to attend from a chest harness that, luckily, he hadn’t been inside of during the fall. he peered off the edge of the stomach clenching drop, sharp spikes littering the bottom, to see Jason un-skewer his shoulder from a rock and stand up to crack his neck, before casually calling up that he was fine and it was ‘just a little fall’. little Damian called bullshit.

things continued like that the entire time Jason spent at the league, and it pissed Damian off to no end that Jason kept just walking off fatal injuries and absolutely REFUSE to believe that they were fatal. ‘i just have a high pain tolerance.’ ‘you got shot in the neck, ahki.’ ‘it skimmed me.’ ‘YOU DIED.’ ‘stop making up stories, demon brat.’ it’s driving the kid insane. the worst thing is he can’t even tell anyone else for fear that Ra’s gets a hold of the realisation and decides to use Jason in his research for finding better ways to prolong his lifespan.

Jason, bursting into Damian’s room in the early morning, spurting blood from an arrow wound to the chest: Dami- Dami- u- argk-

Damian, half asleep, watching blankly from bed as his brother bleeds out on his floor:

Damian:

Damian: *deep sigh*

-twenty minutes later, Jason wakes up on Damian’s floor completely healed-

Jason: …

Damian:

Jason: wow, sorry Dames, guess i drank too much last night and blacked out. didn’t mean to crash here.

Damian, unimpressed and holding a bloody arrow: grandfather says you stopped an assasination attempt on my mother.

Jason: haha yeah, craaaazy night

Damian: get out.

Jason: -getting out.

eventually Damian heads to Gotham and, of course, his overprotective immortal brother follows soon after with the mission of building a crime empire, killing a clown, pissing of the fourth Robin at any opportunity, and infuriating the fuck out of Bruce Wayne. after a while the Red Hood gets his identity reveal, and gradual tentative truce, and Damian gets both of his families to be more or less on ok terms for once.

the issue is Jason is still really bad at staying alive. and the rest of the family is kind of sensitive to that specific thing. and Damian’s apathy is not appreciated. it takes them a while to figure everything out.

~

*all four batboys are captured by a rogue, Bruce on his way but they need to stall*

Rogue: and now, you will have to pick amongst yourselves who will DIE!

Jason and Dick, instantly: ME!

Damian, dryly: Red Hood.

Dick: ITS GOTTA BE M- Robin what the fuck

Damian: *shrugs*

Jason, so used to Damian being weirdly ok with his more dangerous activities he’s not even offended: YEAH SHOOT ME. I CAN TAKE IT!

Tim: no he can’t, don’t shoot him!

Damian: no, shoot him.

Tim and Dick: ROBIN!

Jason: bite me non-believers, i’m getting shot today-!

Damian: please do it quickly so he shuts up.

Rogue:

Rogue:

Rogue: the others told me the new Robin was fucked up but like i didn’t realise exactly how much-

~

Tim: me and Damian didn’t really get off on the right foot, on account of he kept trying to kill me.

Jason: ? so? that’s just what he does when you piss him off. he tries to kill me all the time.

Tim: ?

Jason: i called him a wanker last week so he shoved me off a building with no grapple. luckily the garbage can broke my fall and saved me haha!

Tim: ???

Damian, fully never wanted Tim dead and was instead so used to never having to worry about hurting Jason that he forgot that murder was actually fatal to his other brothers: yeah that’s my bad, Drake. it was instinct.

~

*Bruce walks into the batcave to see Jason, gunshot in his forehead, laying obviously deceased on the ground with Damian stood over him, nudging him with his foot and holding a gun.*

Bruce: oh my- oh my god, Jaylad no please-!

Damian: in my defence he told me the safety was on.

Bruce, crying: JASON PLEASE NOT AGAIN-

Damian: just give him like ten minutes

Bruce: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT- OH MY GOD HIS BRAIN’S ON THE BATCOMPUTER

Damian: again, not my fault.

Dick walking in: hey whats all the noi- LITTLEWING?!?!!

-

*ten minutes later, the family is sobbing and Damian is tapping his foot impatiently*

Jason: wooaaaaah, headache. …is everything ok?

Everyone else, devastatingly shocked:

Damian: i shot you in the head and you died again. they panicked.

Jason: ha-ha, funny as always brat. what’d you do, hit me with the butt of the gun or something?

Damian, turning to the others: it is a miracle he ever managed to get his GED.

[superbat-lmao]

“Dick Grayson is Bruce’s greatest accomplishment” “Nightwing is everything Batman can’t be” “Dick is the best of us”

And. AND. There’s so much of Bruce in Dick, so much of what he could have been without the trauma and self-imposed isolation, that when the JL talks about Nightwing being so good in contrast to Batman, they don’t always realize how much of that goodness is Bruce’s.

Dick stands on his own as a team leader and a kind man, but to say he built himself from the ground up would be a lie. Bruce filled in the cracks around an angry, traumatized child. He gave Dick what he didn’t have. His goodness lives on in Dick because it can’t always live on in him.

[superbat-lmao]

The Batfamily is a bickering, dysfunctional family. Which is to say, they spend every day arguing with each other, fighting it out, making death threats, and dramatically going no-contact for weeks.

But if there’s an all-hands incident in Gotham? A galactic invasion? Family emergency? That stops instantly. They become the tightest, most competent, dedicated group of siblings/butler/parents you’ve ever seen.

And it’s terrifying to see.

[superbat-lmao]

OMG OMG OMG OMG BUTCH SUPERBAT????

happy pride month!!! butch4butch superbat is forever

[superbat-lmao]

saw the tweet below on my tl and it was so devastatingly rude i had to doodle something out. happy late father’s day, i guess

[superbat-lmao]

actually can we have Tim not being adopted into the batfamily and instead after his parents go broke and then die leaving him with nothing he just decides ‘well i know where the batcave is’ and starts living in the tunnels underneath Wayne manor because of the logic that he can’t get kicked out bcs 1. squatters rights and 2. whats Bruce gonna do? call the police and say ‘this guy won’t leave my secret lair. no im not Batman wdym’? and he manages to go unnoticed for like. a good fucking while. not even Alfred realises bcs wtf would he be snooping around down there for?

even better is this happens after Jason dies so Tim still becomes Robin and Bruce is so overwhelmed with grief that he literally never realises that Tim has never once used the front door to come over. he just kinda sneaks up from somewhere in the cave. he assumes that Alfred’s letting the kid in without telling him. Alfred assumes Bruce is doing the same.

Damian finds out first because that’s so much funnier. he gets to Gotham to 1. gain his birthright and meet his father and 2. do some reconnaissance/avenging of this replacement Robin that’s been the centre of Jason’s angry rants at the league for the past 6 months. he follows Tim ‘home’ and finds him fucking. golluming it up a 15 minute hike through the cave system and he’s like. wait what.

Damian, reporting back to Jason: Drake is a mole.

Jason, vindicated: like he’s working for the enemy?!

Damian, standing in front of an indignant Tim in the middle of his ‘camp’, phone pressed to his ear: no like he lives in a fucking tunnel.

Jason:

Tim, mumbling: slightly harsh,

Damian, angling his face away from the phone momentarily: i watched you dig a hole to unearth the protein bars you’d buried there.

Tim:

Jason, rapidly changing his opinion on this kid: ok actually lets not kill him because thats fucking hysterical and i want to know more-

Tim really likes living alone in the tunnels because he’s a weird little guy and he’s gotten used to the independence and lack of sun, and Damian grew up in the league where ‘wilderness training’ was monthly, mandatory, and from the age of three. so he really doesn’t see the issue in it. he just kinda shrugs and accepts his brother lives in the cave system. Jason is so delighted and amused by the vibes these two kids have going on over in Gotham (he gets video calls from Damian just. in Tim’s camp while they hang out together sometimes. Damian brings him water bottles and various sustenance offerings like he’s appealing so some ancient deity living under their house. Jason thinks it’s incredible) that he decides fuck the league, he needs to see this in person. killing the Joker is a side quest he did on the way; he really only came to see what his idiot little brothers had going on under Bruce, Dick and Alfreds nose. he visits Tim’s little cave home while waiting for his new Crime Alley apartment to be ready.

eventually Bruce and Dick are working on a case and they’re following a lead to do with a criminal escaping via cave systems that they theorise may connect to the batcave, so after Damian’s gone to bed they suit up and start searching around. they come across Damian, Tim, and the fucking Red Hood chilling around a small fire just casually eating leftovers Damian snuck down from the kitchen, just quietly enjoying each others presence in this clearly years old campsite, quietly discussing whether or not the weather will be clear enough next week to go to the new art museum together. Dick shines a flashlight at them and they all snap to attention like that scene in ratatouille where the human comes in the kitchen and the rats all freeze and look up. nobody says anything for a solid three minutes.

eventually Tim is just like “I have squatters rights. you can’t evict me.” and Red Hood nods and points at him.

Bruce, desperate to gain some kind of thread of understanding here: “Damian, you’re supposed to be in bed. …Tim, I’m actually not sure where you’re supposed to be, come to think of it, but I don’t think it’s here.”

“He just said he has squatters rights, father.” Damian responds instantly. “Keep up.”

Dick: “And does the Red Hood have squatters rights?”

“I have a gun,” Jason points out cheerfully. “Same thing, ain’t it?”

Dick and Bruce are so confused they become convinced that they’ve been dosed with something and only figure out whats going on after putting on gas masks and testing everybody’s blood.

[superbat-lmao]

the ski trip!!!!

[superbat-lmao]

batcat challenges you to match their freak, wyd?

[superbat-lmao]

“Dick Grayson is Bruce’s greatest accomplishment” “Nightwing is everything Batman can’t be” “Dick is the best of us”

And. AND. There’s so much of Bruce in Dick, so much of what he could have been without the trauma and self-imposed isolation, that when the JL talks about Nightwing being so good in contrast to Batman, they don’t always realize how much of that goodness is Bruce’s.

Dick stands on his own as a team leader and a kind man, but to say he built himself from the ground up would be a lie. Bruce filled in the cracks around an angry, traumatized child. He gave Dick what he didn’t have. His goodness lives on in Dick because it can’t always live on in him.

[superbat-lmao]

never forget when the Justice League decided to surrender themselves to the US and while being held at gunpoint (the Superman, the Wonder Woman, all of them minus Bruce, who crashed out about how stupid they were being and refused) the very first and only question they’re asked is “Where’s Batman?”

[superbat-lmao]

Draw clark in a tank top with REALLY bad farmers tan

:)

[superbat-lmao]

the only pieces of pop culture media Damian ever consumed before going to Gotham were youtube conspiracy theory videos on the Wayne family because Jason found out during an international mission that there was a buzzfeed unsolved video on his death, and when he got back to the loa base he was so indignant that he ended up watching it repeatedly to make fun of it and Damian ended up watching it over his shoulder.

“do people really care so much that they make videos like this? About you?”

Jason, slightly offended: “ok fuck you kiddo there are TONS of Wayne conspiracy videos about me. most of them aren’t even about my death!”

and so of course Damian demands to see them and they end up down a rabbit hole of wild conspiracy theories about various aspects about the Wayne family. the issue is that Damian is still a young impressionable kid and this is literally the only avenue of information about his father that he’s ever had, apart from Talia saying that he’s a great warrior and Jason saying he’s an emotionally constipated dickhead.

what im saying is Damian totally goes to Gotham fully believing about 30 conspiracies about his father and adoptive brothers. it took Jason the entire two week long undercover trip to Gotham from Nanda Parbat to convince him that no, Bruce is not a cannibal secretly consuming dead children at all of his charity galas. Damian’s still secretly wary when he gets abandoned on the Wayne doorstep. He thinks Tim’s a vampire and Dick is a Bruce clone from a lab. he half believes that the family is part of a demon cult. nobody asks why the kid keeps lining his bedroom door with salt at night because they figure maybe it’s just a paranoid assassin kid thing from the league? and then Jason finally comes back and rejoins the family and the first night be catches sight of Damian grabbing salt from the pantry and he groans like ‘FOR THE LAST TIME. SUPERNATURAL YOUTUBE IS BULLSHIT.’ and Tim who 100% obsessively tracks all conspiracies about them to make sure nobody hits the nail on the head about the bats figures out what they’re talking about and he starts laughing so hard he has an asthma attack

[superbat-lmao]

i like to think that at the league of assassins jason used to get so bored of having no access to media/tv that he would just compensate by singing excessively every theme tune/pop culture song he knew whenever he was working/training, which means damian probably knew all these pop culture references already when he got to gotham, except when tim puts on the tv and he hears a popular ad jingle play during commercials he doesn’t get a fun ‘oh haha i recognise that tune’ moment instead its him hearing an ed sheeran song and having a rapid war flashback to watching jason viscerally rip the heads off a group of about 20 men attempting to harm damian while dancing and singing fucking Starlord, Guardians of the Galaxy style.

dick, humming as he makes toast: dontcha’ know, i’m still standin, betta than i eva did~

damian, experiencing both nostalgia and confusion at the same time: why are you singing a battle cry? we are in the kitchen.

tim: did you just call one of the songs from the Sing soundtrack a fucking battle cry?

damian:

damian: what’s Sing.

[superbat-lmao]

DIY workout equipment

[superbat-lmao]

‘Jason goes to Gotham and kills the Joker himself’ ‘Jason asks Talia to kill the Joker and she does so as a token of trust and good parentage’ NO Jason won’t stop fucking whining about how Batman won’t kill the Joker and how unfair it is and Ra’s gets so annoyed listening to him that he bumps Joker off himself just to get his daughter’s new pet project to shut the fuck up

Batman has no idea why halfway through a standard Joker special of glitter, guns, and ‘im going to blow up this bank!’ fucking Ra’s Al Ghul himself stormed into the room, looked incredibly annoyed to even be there, snapped the Joker’s neck in one fell swoop, and then stormed back out and disappeared while angrily muttering something about how ‘we better be able to finish this fucking meeting in peace now- swear to fucking GOD that boy is annoying-‘

he’s honestly so baffled at Ra’s appearing in Gotham in the first place that he doesn’t manage to save the Joker, and Ra’s refuses to even acknowledge any attempts at asking why the fuck he decided to do that. it becomes Gotham’s greatest mystery, and Ra’s doesn’t realise until he gets back home that he just made the biggest mistake of his life; teaching Jason that whining about his problems will lead Ra’s to take care of them for him.

[superbat-lmao]

@crowwkui 's butch Bruce Wayne 😋

[superbat-lmao]

Bully has a crush... 😏