suuj

[suuj]

The letter I will never send. (2)

It's tuesday night, 15th day of February 2025. Every thing is all clear and accepted from my view. Hence, I am writing this to pour all here as this letter will never reach you.

I was thinking of things I want to ask and tell you but I couldn't find any words that will fit because there's nothing to say. Every feelings I have don't linger that much anymore. Every song don affect and tickle any memories now. Your scent don't even last now the way it messed up my emotion before. I don't even know if I can finish this letter and publish it.

Secondly, I am writing this because I want to give some space and time to be heard and felt the guilt and aftereffect or residual emotion, rather say. I am guilty of the sin and having all the conscience knocking at the back of it all.

For the aftereffect.

SRM, I want to thank you and acknowledge how it is different when thing's for me. I would rather think that you are just that kind so it will not open any more illicit doors for me (and you). I will always want to have a connection with you - platonic and genuine one. However, if losing my relationship and your relationship will be the aftermath. I think our friendship shall cease too. I will not think of you. I will not call you. I will not message you. You are one of the good and bad memories, for sure. Goodbye, Simon.

And here's the guilt.

So Hi, RDR! I don't think you knew what your boyfriend and I had in 2023. I don't want you to know it either. But, if you ever got a chance to know everything. I would like to say sorry. Anything will not compensate the pain it would cause you and I don't have any right words say. I will understand even if you badmouth me. As part of this phase I am having now, I don't have any intention to harm you. I just hope that you can get a chance to our religion. I hope you're calling will come soon. No one can force you to do it and convert right away. It's a long process. I just hope you both end up together but we all know it's different when religion issue comes in. I hope to see you both doing worship in Templo.

Lastly, for myself. Sheriemi, I hope it's the last. I hope you can separate reality and come after the right way. I hope you get better. You will be a CPA after 2 years. So you need to be reasonable at all cost.

[suuj]

The letter I will never send.

To SRM,

Hi, yes, hi. Today's 29th of September. If you ever find this letter and it's okay with you, please let me know. Please say some words you meant even it will be rejection or rl of Maling Panahon, please let me know. I was listening to Maling Panahon of Arthur Miguel since this morning. Funny thing is this song's speaks for me and you.

"Bakit mo ba pinipilit? 'Di naman ikaw ang panalangin Bakit pa ba umiibig Kung sa panaginip lang kita katabi? Pa'no ka ba lumalaban Kapag 'di ikaw ang 'pinaglaban? Pa'no ka ba mabibitawan? Dahil pagod na 'ko at alam kong mali Mali ang ipilit, ibigin ka Mali ang ikaw at ako, sinta Maling panahon, 'di tutugma Maling panalangin, hindi ikaw ang para sa 'kin"

It hurts me thinking all things that we like and shared. Tomorrow, I'll be in Baguio to kept the promise I made in year 2019. It is also the prayer I asked God with all my strength while crying at Templo. He gave it to me. But why I am like this? I really want to say every thing to you. How I like you and want to talk you.

I like you. I really do. I always laugh when I'm with you. I can talk all the things I like and be amazed that you do like the same. And I know it's all wrong but no matter how many times I'll ask myself if there's a regret. I would answer no, because it hits different with you. I'll carry the sin and do it again. There are even times that I wished I didn't held back and just enjoyed but that is the right thing to do.

I really hope that you'll end up with her but not decieving your parents. Most of all, I hope you find your way back.

I will miss you.

P.S. Please read my last poem for us.

[suuj]

It's been a while

[suuj]

#IGLESIANICRISTO105THANNIVERSARY

[suuj]

.

I hate how cute things and thoughtfulness gets in my way. I love cute things and I like people who are thoughtful enough to remember some little details I've unconsciously said but meant spectacular to me. I hate how it gets in way that leads me to care for such pettiness - for such person.

[suuj]

Are we not... Of course, not. 011219

[suuj]

Sentiment demands to be told.

5 hours more then 2018 ends and start of another year. Cheers! There are sentiments doesn't comes along - it just dont cease as year did. I would hate to be born in this body. I would hate to be myself but I don't have any other choice to pretend I don't. First thing first, my father got sicked for almost a year. It cost us life and death. I did not took my ojt to spent my summer vacation being a part timer to help finance my school. It was good. It was bad. I like my prof and I'm not sure if I still do. It was lessen. He has kind of voice that I will always adore that turns me on. The cute face and funny personality mixed up with his social anxiety at the same time. I like him a lot more than Em, who sang one of my fav song, Moonlight Over Paris. Em were doing a band btw. Unfortunately, he'll fly to Dubai few months from now that he chose not to get a class schedule. That was too bad. I really admire him in front teaching us accounting. Tbh, I don't really want to be a CPA but he made me want it. I now crave for that title. And I thank him for that. Another goal, another dream and another heart break. To you, Sir, I don't want to meet now. Just please don't ever say you'll soon get back in to teaching if you really won't. You get me high hopes. But, I want to thank to the bottom of my hypothalamus, to the moon and back. Thank for being such an inspiration and model upon us. And now, my most problem is myself having this awkward personality toward my relatives. Of course, I really want to get along with them but I don't know who I am. I always get stiff. My tounge never fail to shut off. I was always sorry to myself for all these good times I've stole from myself. And this is how I will end this year. Determine but fearful. Goal achiever but frighten.

[suuj]

2018 really hurt us a lot but I don't wanna end it yet. It gives so much to cherish and to be hurt about. I can't just greet 2019 dearly when I'm still harking back on to mem'ries and enwrapped of pains.

Last day of 2018

[suuj]

I really like his engendering voice. <3

[suuj]

i miss it

[suuj]

i dont remember the last time i opened it haha

[suuj]

042916

[suuj]

Cause I still get jealous.

[suuj]

Look Suzy! I customized my phone. It's really great right? I've been dying to see you Suzy... wait for me please. @skuukzky

[suuj]

Yeah right. Trust lang lang Kay God . Diba @byangkaanjelala @hopehyung ? Thanks. CREDIT: @therealminnn

[suuj]

Sta. Cena 😉😉 #INC #IglesiaNiCristo #BanalNaHapunan2015

[suuj]

Ang ednals nya. 😔😔 ilan kaya sila? Haha P'S. Sana nga. Sana nga ganto na lang. Sana totoo na lang.