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I'm four days late but happy 10 year anniversary to the first time I cut myself 🤩

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What happened, man

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When i get back from Alaska I HAVE GOT to lose weight. I can be normal about it, eat at like 1200 so its not too obvious and only enough so I can stand to be in my body again. I know if I start now I dont get to go but I need to do SOMETHING so I will Think about it for now

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What i really want is to go back and fix it. But we both know that can't happen. So maybe if I try again it'll work this time

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Post got nerfed but here it is three months later

9 days later

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And and and five years ago this month I cut so bad I hit an artery in my leg. In my thigh. And God i miss cutting and I miss being so sickly skinny ill that I could hit arteries in my legs. What happened man

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Also four years ago to the day I was lying in a hospital bed with a tube up my nose. I could wrap my fingers of one hand around my bicep. What happened.

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I've got this dress, right, and i bought it probably between six and eight years ago, back when I was tiny without trying, and I got the smallest size but it was still too big. Well it still fits (barely) and I wore it today to my sister's graduation. And i saw a picture of myself, randomly on my phone, of me wearing it five years ago. And it used to look bad on me because I was too skinny. And now it looks bad on me because I'm too fat. And I wish I could go back to how it was before. I still have the dress that I wore to my sister's last graduation, that same year (2020), even though it would never fit now.

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Lads,

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I miss cutting

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I cannot stand my body and I've got to be above 130 by now which is TERRIBLE for me but I can't do anything about it without losing everything again. I'm going to Alaska this summer. Maybe after I get back i can lose weight. If I lose weight before that I won't get to go and I really want to go but I can't do this forever. Maybe I can relapse hard after I get back. That's be great. It would ruin school but im already doing that myself tbh

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Lowkey got called tiny in class today inadvertently and I am LIVING

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the cycle of life

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me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

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Sorry, no, I didn't do my homework. Its just, I was too busy-- yeah, mourning all the lives I'll never get to live. Yeah, it'll probably keep happening.