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sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

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Loving You is Easy (Demi)

prompt: my baby 🥺 mlb!harry’s exploration of his sexuality and coming out.

word count: 14.3k 🥲

warnings: topics of sexuality, identify issues, bullying, toxic masculinity, smut - 18+ minors dni

Take The Hint takes place in the middle of this fic & so you might want to reread first or when Harry starts to mention YN.

This fic is my baby. I’m so so proud of it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Please please like, follow, comment, and reblog ❣��

And I really would love to hear your thoughts so please send me a message about the fic ❣️

Assumptions.

That’s what Harry’s life has been based upon since he was in little league because of his perceived dominance and masculinity.

It happened nearly every game, he’d always draw attention because of his skill.

Even at such a young age - as soon as he could bat without the tee to hold the ball, people knew that he was something special.

Women would pinch his cheek and tell his mother to watch out because he was going to be a heartbreaker with the ladies - men would chuckle and joke that they were going to have to hide their daughters from him.

It doesn’t get any better as he grows up, it actually gets worse.

The more notoriety he garners, more attention and not just based on his athletic abilities, his looks landed him almost just as much.

He was good-looking and had above average athleticism, he was irresistible for people to leave alone.

He can’t count the number of times that men have asked him how many girls he had fucked that week because he just had to be getting it all the time.

In all this time of feeling wanted, Harry had never felt more alone.

He felt like there was something wrong with him.

There had to be - because he wasn’t living up to any expectations that society has set for him and had made abundantly clear since he was young.

He was meant to have a girl on his arm, who had to be the societal standard of beautiful who would follow him like a puppy.

Since he was a young teenager, always playing on baseball teams much higher than his age level - coaches and scouts knew that he was destined for the major leagues and it was just a matter of time before they snatched him up.

Girls in high school would swoon over his chiseled jaw, the way his biceps flexed, and the baseball bleachers were riddled with gaggles of giggly girls watching him practice on the pitch.

He didn’t have a break, there wasn’t a day of practice that didn’t go by where girls weren’t coming to watch him as he played.

It was supposed to be flattering but to Harry, it was just frustrating to constantly have all these girls gawking after him when he wasn’t interested.

Harry knew that he should be enjoying all the attention from the female gaze, at least, that’s what he thinks because of how often people are making assumptions about his private life.

But that’s all these things were…

Assumptions.

Harry didn’t care about girls or dating in middle school, never really gave it another thought when he never developed any crushes on the pretty peers who were very much interested in him.

It wasn’t until high school that he realized that there was something wrong with him or so he thought that he wasn’t normal like the other kids.

Harry began to realize that he didn’t have the same interests and urges as his friends who were constantly drooling over girls in short skirts or commenting on their appearances.

He could look at a girl and think she’s pretty but he didn’t have some deep primal urge to ask her over his house so he could get his rocks off like his friends did.

It only became an issue when his so-called friends started teasing him about his lack of social life with the ladies.

They would ask him if he was gay or asexual, asked him if he was still a virgin with all the date offers he gets.

He didn’t know what he was - he didn’t know if he was gay or asexual, he wanted to have sex but he didn’t just want it to be random.

Harry now realizes it wasn’t harmless teasing, not with how much emotional damage it had on his psyche to constantly be questioned about his sexuality.

He hadn’t known what he was.

It had been a late night practice and everyone was talking about the upcoming prom dance.

“Who are you taking, Styles?” Cody, one of his teammates asks as he packs up his bag with his equipment.

“Er, not sure,” Harry shrugs, attempting to come off nonchalant and unbothered by the question - despite how cocky he appeared, he was the furthest thing from confident internally about the topic.

“Come on! I know Lana and Jessie already asked you and they’re the hottest girls in the school! Lana’s tits are massive,” Seth chimes in, offended that Harry would have the nerve to turn down the girls of his teenage dreams.

Harry feels his face get hot because he knows what this is going to turn into very quickly - as it always did.

“Is it because you’re taking your boyfriend? Or yourself? Your hand can’t be your only date forever!” Cody crows, Harry’s hackle standing up at the jab and he feels himself getting hot.

“Mind your own fucking business,” Harry huffs out instead, swinging his pack over his shoulder and turning on his heel to leave.

“You know for how good you are at baseball, nobody would know you’re a virgin. Great in the field, a dud in the sheets,” Conner can’t help but add in, all the boys were chuckling as they changed.

Harry is still trying to be the bigger person by continuing to walk away but when Seth snickers, “Y’know what I think? He’s so good at baseball because he’s making up for his small dick.’

Everyone has a breaking point.

They had managed to get Harry to hit his, which was an accomplishment but the subject of his sexuality had become more and more tender over the past few months as he really started to understand his dilemma.

Harry drops his bag at his feet, storming towards Seth with his fist coming up, raised and about to swing when their coach appears to stop anything from happening.

Seth is frowning with his hands up in surrender, eyes wide as he realizes Harry was actually mad, “I was just joking around with you. Take a fucking joke.”

“The only joke in this locker room is your baseball abilities,” Harry snarls back, it was quite the insult coming from their captain and Seth's face drops even more than before.

“Styles, hit the road,” Coach Greggs orders, pointing towards the exit of the lock room with a serious expression - disappointment in his star player’s behavior.

When Harry gets home, he bypasses his mum and sister without even a hello before he’s running upstairs to his room and slamming the door shut.

He hates feeling like this.

Like he didn’t even know who he was.

How difficult could it be to figure out what or who you’re attracted to?

He was trying to convince himself he wasn’t broken, he knew all his body parts worked, it wasn’t anything but pure mental blockage.

Thinking about having someone lay next to him in his bed, they’re kissing, taking off clothes - Harry likes the idea of that.

However, it’s not just anyone, it’s not a random hookup.

He imagines it being someone he’s in love with, he’s so fucking fond of, and they know each other so intimately - its just them in their little world, no one else had this experience but them together.

But that doesn’t make any sense.

That’s not a thing.

Harry always felt normal beside this but this was major.

This was detrimental that he figured out what his issue was or he would never have a partner, get married, have kids.

Sure, he'd probably be a successful baseball player but may be the oldest virgin on this earth if he didn't shake this feeling.

Harry decides that same night that he's going to go against his instincts and just ask a girl to the dance - maybe once he put himself out there it will change.

And as Harry was thinking about it, he wouldn't necessarily be against asking a boy either but he's not sure he's ready to explore that idea right now.

He didn't feel excited at the aspect of having a date but instead just a sad relief that his teammates won't bother him anymore.

It felt lonely and isolating.

Harry brings flowers the next day, he knows which girl he wants to ask, Yazmin - he knew she had a crush on him and she was nice, not overly concerned with what others thought of her.

The other reason he is choosing her is because she is one of the many who had made it extremely obvious that she would instantly say yes to him if he asked and he was really not trying to get rejected either.

He feels bad he's not very enthusiastic when she accepts and draws him into a massive hug with her face buried in his neck.

To avoid coming off as rude, he hugs her back until it becomes too much for him and he's pulling back with a forced smile.

The lunchroom is filled with envious glares from other girls who had either been dropping hints to Harry that they wanted to go with him or they'd be too nervous to be forward and are boiling with envy.

Yazmin begins to talk about colors, her dress, everything that people should be looking forward to for the event.

Harry...well, he was just hoping that after he asked her and she accepted that he would feel something, anything towards her whether it was a bit of fondness or admiration.

There wasn’t a question that she was pretty, her long thick black curls that fell down her back, her warm brown eyes, and wide smile.

But there was nothing, absolutely nothing that was attracting him to her at this moment as she babbled on about cool versus warm tones.

After baseball practice, he wanders in to his mum and sister sitting at the dinner table - just beginning their meal as they chat.

When he drops his backpack and duffle bag near the entryway and joins them - he's tired from all the drills and doesn't say anything more than 'hi' as he begins digging in.

"Mrs. Fields told me today that you asked Yazmin to the dance," Anne smiles with bright eyes, she was proud that he was putting himself out there - she worried about him.

Harry feels his stomach churn, he's short when he replies, not looking up from his plate, "Yeah."

"I'm so happy for you, this is going to be so exciting," Anne says before taking a sip of her tea and patting his hand.

"She's pretty too," Gemma adds to the conversation, "I think you guys are going to make a cute couple."

"I'm not dating her," Harry says sharply, using a bit more force to stab at his vegetables, "It's just an invite to a stupid dance. That's it."

"I know, dear. It's just that we haven’t seen you interested in any girls at your school and I want you to enjoy your high school experience-"

"Can I not enjoy high school without a girlfriend? Is me not being not a star athlete enough?" Harry is getting loud which isn't like him to every raise his voice at his mother, "Why does everyone fucking care? I just want to be left the fuck alone about it!"

With that, Harry is slamming down his silverware, snatching his backpack off the floor, and storming up to his room with the door shutting and the lock being flicked.

Harry doesn't come out of his room that night and refuses to speak more than a few words to them through the door.

The next morning when Harry comes down for school, dressed and ready to go, Anne tries to smooth over the situation.

She didn't know what was going on with her son and that was a new uncomfortable feeling for her - usually he was open about everything with her.

Anne didn't know what she said that had triggered the response he'd given and despite how much she wanted to talk to him about it, she knew that she shouldn't force him.

"Harry," Anne speaks up when he steps into the kitchen to make his morning protein drink, " I want to talk about last night."

"There's nothing to talk about, s'fine," He brushes off stiffly as he reaches for one of his shaker bottles and container of protein mix.

"There is. I clearly upset you last night," Anne's voice is soft and cautious, "I'm sorry. I love no matter if you want to date or not, I'm proud and excited for you no ma-"

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Harry bites back as he tries to scoop out the powder, hands shaking with some strong emotion, and it spills onto the countertop.

"I didn't say there was," Anne furrows her brow, she felt like they were on two difficult wavelengths and not really speaking the same language - having two different conversations.

"Shouldn't everyone care that I'm lined up to go pro or that with all this training, I still get straight A's," Harry scoffs as he pours the water and shakes it harshly, "Why is everyone so focused on who I'm going to sleep with?"

And with that, he's grabbing his stuff and leaving the house - Anne stunned as she sits at the breakfast nook unsure of how an innocent conversation at dinner has led to an ongoing tense back and forth with her son.

Yazmin is all over him and Harry is quickly realizing that him inviting her to the dance was also interpreted as him asking her to be his girlfriend.

But when she sat down next to him at lunch, her hand moving to intertwine with his - he didn't push her off but instead could only think about the whole lunch period about how he didn't want to be holding hands with her.

However, he noticed that all of his friends had their girlfriends cuddled up on them too and seemed to enjoy it when their girl curled into them or kissed their cheeks.

He played along.

In the locker room, after practice, well Harry wishes he could skip changing and go home because he was starting to not enjoy this time around his teammates.

"Yazmin, man," Hunter laughs as he sits on the bench to kick off his cleats, "It's no surprise you wait until the last minute to ask a girl out and you pick the hottest girl at school."

Harry shrugs as he shoves his jersey into his duffle, shoulders already tensing because of the conversation topic, "Yeah, she's nice.”

"Nice? You mean has nice tits," Luke adds and the other boys howl loudly as they mock breasts with their hands coming up their chests, "She's got huge ones. Let me know how they look when you get her topless."

Harry shakes his head, face turned away towards his locker- even though his teammates are being pigs, he wishes he could relate in a way.

He hadn't even looked at her chest or maybe he had but it didn't elicit any type of sexual response that made him want to get her naked.

It seemed like every other guy in the room had the identical response except him - normal teenage boys cared about boobs, really no matter who they belonged to.

"Yeah, I saw Casey's pair last night," Josh adds with a cocky smirk, "Let me touch 'em and everything."

Luckily, that conversation distracts the boys enough to lay off of Harry - now to focused on Josh's experience with his girlfriend.

They don't even notice when he slips out the door to head home as they all joke around and share stories.

Life was just..

Harry was miserable.

He dreaded going to school because of all the eyes on him, the fact that Yazmin wanted to be with him every free second, or his friends who were always talking about something girl or sex-related.

At practice, he got hounded by his teammates about the same things everyday and had to hear tales that he didn't assimilate to in the slightest.

At home, he was now in this weird limbo where he knows his mom and sister feel like they're walking on eggshells because of his moodiness that he refuses to talk about.

The ideas of relationship and sex were closing in on him from every angle and he just didn't want to talk about it.

He wished that when he was born someone just smacked a label on his forehead that said 'gay', 'straight', 'asexual', something so that he didn't have to figure this out himself.

Why was it so fucking difficult?

He felt broken, like his brain wasn't functioning correctly because he couldn't even decipher his own thoughts or feelings.

He'd always felt like this in a way but now that he is at the age where people begin to get into relationships and have sex - it's in the forefront of his mind.

He just has to get through the dance with Yazmin, that's it - he at least has to try to see this through with dating her.

Harry knows he's been pulling away from his family too but he doesn't feel like he's able to help it - he can’t explain what’s going on and he doesn’t want to be shunned by them too.

Because he feels like if he talked to them he'll blurt out, "I might not be straight" or "I don't know what's going on with me."

He used to think that he thought about it a lot but ever since he asked Yazmin to the dance - the only time he doesn't think about it is when he's on the field or working out.

Baseball is his only escape.

When all the boys are going out after the game, the weekend before the dance, they were all inviting their girlfriends to join them.

He didn't want to be an asshole so he knew it was only right to invite Yazmin too - he didn't want her to feel left out.

When they're all in the pizza shop, it's nearly ten at night, and they're all still sipping on Coke and eating pizza after winning the game.

Yazmin is sat next to him in the long booth, their thighs smooshed together, and she wraps her arm around his - resting her head on his shoulder.

It's a nice gesture and Harry feels guilty that he wants to push her away so he lets it happen and tries not to think too much about it.

The conversation turns into the afterparty for prom, they were renting a cabin in a nearby state park, and were planning to drink and have a campfire.

Harry had agreed to go but he really hadn't thought of the implications until Harry is driving Yazmin home that night and she seems nervous in the passenger seat.

"Is everything okay?" Harry asks as he navigates out of the pizza's shop's parking lot and towards her house.

"Yeah. It-It's just, are you excited about the dance? You weren't very talkative in there," She points out, she seems a bit disappointed but hides it behind a small smile.

Harry sighs, he doesn't know how to address it, so he lies, "I am excited, really. It's just been crazy with baseball. I'm sorry it didn't seem like I was in there. Just tired, I guess."

Yazmin perks up immediately, "It's okay, I just wanted to check. I'm used to you being really outspoken and talkative so I was just making sure."

Harry moves his hand over to her, resting it on the lower part of her thigh, near her knee, and squeezes, "It's gonna be fun."

"I can't wait for you to see me in my dress," She replies, her smile widened with his touch as she moves to put her hand over his.

"I'm sure you'll be gorgeous," He fake smiles, keeping his eyes on the road, they're nearly to her house and he presses the gas pedal a little harder.

As they pull up, Yazmin takes a deep breath before asking, "Are you going to bring protection to the cabin?"

Harry gives her a puzzled look, confused for a second by what she means by protection and she grimaces when she realizes he's confused.

"Condoms? I'm on birth control but I want to make sure we're being safe," She adds sheepishly, looking down at her hands.

How was she already talking about sex when they haven't even went further than kissing?

He didn't think he'd be expected to get intimate with someone this fast in a relationship.

"Oh, er," Harry stammers, just as embarrassed as her, his throat felt tight," Yeah, I'll definitely bring some. If that's what you uh, if that's what you want to do."

For objectively being the most popular boy in school, it was really quite ironic how backwards he was compared to the other people in his grade.

He was eighteen, everyone already assumes that he lost his virginity by this point, and it shows - he wonders if she can tell.

"I'd like to," Yazmin responds before leaning over to kiss him, she parts her lips and Harry matches her but it doesn't feel as nice as he thinks it's supposed to.

They kiss for a while in the car that night until his lips are puffy and swollen but Harry doesn't even remotely feel a twinge of any arousal.

As he drives home that night, he punches his steering wheel a few times- letting out frustrated screams into the car because he just wants to be like everyone else.

The actual event of prom goes fine.

It's easy smiling for pictures, eating at a fancy restaurant, and then going to the hotel where they all dance around to the music without anything being too serious.

The issue comes when they get to the cabin and everyone is starting to disappear from the campfire up to their own bedrooms with their significant others.

Harry waits as long as possible, until the flames legitimately start to fizzle out - he hadn't even touched any alcohol, neither had Yazmin.

She was getting impatient as she begins to wrap their hands together and kiss at his neck before finally asking, "Ready to go to our room?"

Harry agrees because he can't stay out here forever, he had bought condoms even though he was pretty sure they wouldn't be using them.

He bought them in the hopes that maybe, magically that once his body knew he had the oppurtunity to have sex that he would be interested enough to do so.

When they're up in the bedroom, Yazmin is on him, her lips finding his and kissing like they were that night in the car.

He can tell that she's nervous too but she seems much more excited and eager as she tugs off his shirt and runs her hands over his stomach before going for his athletic shorts.

She kneels down and Harry has to squeeze his eyes shut because when she pulls down his shorts - he's not at all hard.

It doesn't seem to deter her, she leans down to begin to stimulate him, and nothing happens as she does it - it’s not those amazing fireworks that his friends talk about.

He knows there’s a silent tear slipping from his eye when she finally pulls back when she realizes something isn't right.

"I'm sorry," Harry says with the most embarrassment he's ever felt in his life, "I'm- I'm sorry, Yazmin."

Yazmin pulls his shorts back up for him before standing in front of him, she puts her hand to his jaw and says quietly, "Look at me."

Harry blinks his eyes open, trying to hold in his tears as she looks at him with a concerned expression.

"Did I make you uncomfortable? I didn't mean to force you to do -" She begins to apologize profusely, getting upset herself.

It snaps him out of his own mind and his voice is firm when he interrupts her, "Hey, no. No, you didn't do anything wrong, I promise. It's me, you're-you're wonderful and pretty. It-s me."

Yazmin’s face washes with relief as he speaks, she reaches to take his hands but it's more of a friendly gesture.

"Are you..." She trails off, not wanting to make any assumptions about him.

"I don't know," He says honestly, choking up a bit on the words, "I'm really trying to figure it out and I just feel broken. This proves I am."

"You're not broken, Harry," Yazmin smiles as she shakes her head like he’s silly, "You're just figuring it out and that's okay."

"I know you don't owe me anything after all this but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone," Harry mumbles as he laughs a big self-deprecating.

"My lips are sealed. If anyone asks, we had amazing hot sex," She giggles as she walks over to her bag to pull out pajamas, "Want to watch a movie?"

And his prom night actually wasn't as awful as it started out, Yazmin and him laid in the massive king bed and watched a few older horror movies and made fun of the bad acting.

At some point they drift off to sleep, when they wake up, they're not necessarily cuddled together but Yazmin's arm is slung over his stomach.

He thinks to himself, this isn't too bad, and just that little thought alone makes him feel like he may not be as lost of a cause as he sometimes feels.

Yazmin and him stayed friends after they 'broke up' and she never spoke a word about what happened that night and to her, he'll always be eternally grateful that kind, understanding people exist.

The summer before college, he realized that he needed to actually take the time to explore his sexuality through research instead of continuing a pity party for himself.

He could narrow down that he wasn't entirely straight because the idea of him being in love with someone other than a female didn't sound obscure or unappealing to him.

He didn’t think it mattered who he fell in love with, it wouldn’t be purely based on their gender.

The idea of sex didn't repusle him, he wanted to have sex and he knew that he wasn't asexual.

He wanted to have a partner and have sex.

That's when it stuck with him.

Everytime he thought about having sex with someone, it was a partner, someone he was in a strong romantic relationship with - but he didn't think that was a specific sexuality.

One day, he's watching some reality television show, and when they're introducing the contestants - someone on the screen identifies themselves as demisexual.

He'd never heard that term before and he curiously puts it into the search engine on his phone to figure out the definition.

That's when he reads the definition that changes it all.

"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in whcih a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotion with them."

Harry felt like he was having an epiphany and that the world fell still for a moment - it was like finding the puzzle piece he had been missing for years of his life.

It finally fucking made sense.

It made so much sense that he started crying, full on sobbing as he held his head with disbelief that something clicked.

Anne, who was in the kitchen, making dinner, hears the sniffles and rushes in, concerned when she finds her son crying which was completely out of the norm.

"Harry, honey," Anne coos softly, sitting down next to him and brushing his hair off his forehead before wrapping her arm around his shoulders, "What's gotten you so upset?"

"M'not upset, mom," Harry chuckles as she tries to wipe away some of his tears with the sleeve of her shirt, "I just-, I don't know how you'll react when I tell you."

"Is it bad?" Anne asks worriedl, tugging him in closer like he was still a little boy and not a big, tall athlete that was way larger than her.

"I-I'm, it's about me," Harry stutters, his thoughts now racing for a different reason, this wasn't on how he planned to tell his mother any of this but he didn't want to lie to her either.

He wanted to be himself and he wanted his family to know who he is.

"I've been struggling with, erm, who I am for a really really long time," Harry begins, his eyes glued to his feet, "And I..I finally figured it out."

"I'll love you no matter what you're going to tell me, Harry Edward,” Anne says firmly, tilting his chin so that their eyes meet and he can tell how serious she is.

"I'm pansexul and demisexual," Harry breathes out, saying it into the unvierse for the first time, it felt like a massive weight has been lifted off of his chest, "It means that I am attracted to people regardless of their gender and that I'm only sexually attracted to that person after we established a emotional bond.”

"How long have you known?" Anne asks as she holds him closer.

"I-I've known that I wasn't st-straight for a long time but I-I didn't know what exactly I was until now," Harry stutters out through tears, Anne can't remember the last time she saw her son cry and his face was damp with emotion.

"I am so proud of you," Anne murmurs but her voice was firm and serious, she moves to cup his cheeks until he's making eye contact with her, "So so proud of who you are."

"Y-You're proud of me?" Harry repeats back in a whisper, his heart felt like it was beating fast enough it was going to leap out of his chest.

"Of course I am," She laughs softly, like it was ridiculous that he could think that she wouldn't be filled with pride, "I love you so much. My little boy."

She kisses both of his cheeks before wiping the tears away once more.

Anne isn't expecting it when Harry hugs her tightly, his face tucked into her shoulder as he hides away for a moment.

She rubs his back lightly and just holds him as he sniffles, she hadn't cuddled him like this is so long but he clung to her for a long while as she whispered words of love.

Gemma is the second person that he decides that he needs to come out - he's not as worried about her reaction as his mum but it still wasn't going to be fun for him.

She had gotten home from work and disappeared into her room to most likely working on college homework like she did nearly everyday.

Harry knocks and when she calls for him to come in, he's sheepish as he comes to sit on her bed next to where she has her textbooks splayed out.

"I have something to tell you," Harry starts off after taking a deep inhale of breath, why was he so nervous? It was just Gemma.

But everyone reacts differently, people he think would be supportive of him may not agree with it and give him pushback or worse disown him.

He was nervous because he couldn't lose his sister but he also couldn't stand not living his truth any longer.

"If you took my laptop charger one more time and broke it, I swear to -" She begins with a frown as she closes her book to glare at him.

"No, it's...well," Harry begins to trip over what he wants to say and now maybe isn't the right time, maybe he should think it through more than this, "Forget about it."

Gemma realizes quickly that something isn't right, she reaches out to grab his arm and tug him back down, "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

"I have something that I want to tell you," He reiterates with a sigh, "I just don't know how you'll feel about it."

Harry explains what he had explained earlier to his mother to her, she listens intently and doesn't try to crack any jokes while he's speaking.

After he's done with what he feels like is rambling, he hesitantly looks up to meet her gaze.

"How did you think I would feel?" Is the first thing she asks.

Harry's brow furrows in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"You said you were worried about how I would feel about you telling me," Gemma explains from before he told her.

"Ju-Just that you'd be disappointed in me," Harry hates that he's been crying so much lately but he begins to sniffle.

"Oh, Harry," Gemma titters, swiping her school things off the bed so she can drag him into a hug, just like his mother did, "I would never be disappointed in you for being who you are. I love you. I'm happy that you finally feel like you've figured it out."

"I hope I find someone," Harry chuckles, wiping his face on his hoodie, "I hope I find someone who will understand, that I'll be able to fall in love with and have a normal relationship."

"It will happen," Gemma hums as she pulls back, "Just like with you figuring this out. It won't happen overnight. Now get out, I have to study."

It really doesn't happen overnight or anytime soon.

He will say that getting in to college and knowing his sexuality even if he hadn't been with anyone had let him slip back into the cocky role that he was used to.

Harry had no problem flirting with girls and guys at frat parties to keep up appearances - even though he wasn't interested in sleeping with them.

It kept his teammates from questioning him because when they saw him at parties, giving a girl his million dollar smile and telling her she's cute - they figured he was sleeping with them.

He didn't enjoy going to parties because it was only fun to fake flirt for a little bit before he wanted to leave because people were trying to get him alone in a bedroom.

Luckily, baseball and sponsorships took up a majority of him time so he wasn't expected at many frat celebrations with how rigorous his workouts and training schedule were.

Tonight though, he didn't have an excuse to not come because they had three days off that weekend.

Everyone convinced him to come, it wasn't a bad time really but he couldn't drink because he'd be kicked off the team if he got hit with an underage drinking fine.

(They definitely wouldn't kick their star player off the team but he would be in deep shit and would much rather avoid that.)

Harry had been trying to get to know people on campus, trying to create the emotional attachment that he was searching for but it wasn't easy.

It felt fucking impossible.

He learned very quickly that he couldn 't just will it to magically happen and that he has issues building those bonds with anyone.

There was a girl named Halee who he had been talking to for the past few weeks, they met in one of his statistics classes and he tried to make an effort with her.

He took her out to dinner twice, listened to her talk for ages, and he waited to feel the spark after consistently seeing her for a month.

There was nothing there.

She was at the party tonight, they hadn't gone any further than making out because Harry didn't want to force himself to do that.

Halee manages to get him alone in his frat bedroom later that night, stating that she needed to talk to him alone, and he knows it’s bad that he’s hoping she wants to break up.

But when his bedroom door shut, her lips were on his and she was pushing him back towards the bed - the exact opposite of what he wanted.

When he falls backwards onto his bed, she's crawling on top of him to straddle him, never taking her lips from his as her thighs come onto either side of him.

Harry's hands come to her hips, knowing he should try to enjoy it but also that it was no use despite how hard she grinded her hips into his.

After a few minutes, she pulls back and palms at him - completely expecting to find him hard and ready for her but...nothing.

He's not hard.

Halle gives him a confused look, she'd never had an issue with a college guy’s libido before, and she knew she was attractive.

Harry can feel his face turning red with shame but manages to give her a reasonable lie, "I think it's just because I've drank so much. I'm pretty wasted."

That seems to satisfy her concern because she giggles and drags him back to the party, promising that they can try again when they haven't been drinking so much.

However, he knows that's not going to happen because he fully plans on sending her an 'im sorry, its just not working out' text tomorrow morning.

Harry doesn't stay at the party much longer before he's retreating up to his room and locking the door to shut everyone out.

Sure, he's become more acepting of his own sexuality but it doesn't mean that it doesn't fucking suck that he can't just have a casual hook up.

The fact is the only sexual interactions he's had are where girls are coming onto him, he has to make an excuse or they'll see he's not physically into it which makes everything ten times worse.

Harry feels that sinking feeling coming back that he remembers well from his senior year of high school.

He remembers thinking that because he finally identified what sexuality he was that it was the code to cracking his life long struggle.

He wonders often whether he's truly waiting to meet the right person or if it's just something that is wrong with him.

The fake flirting, turning people down who come onto him, dating people he has no real interest in.

At some point it doesn't feel worth it to try to find his person , he wonders if there just isn't a person for him and that's a really lonely thought.

(Take The Hint) - One Shot

This girl makes him want to scream.

He didn't mean to break her fucking ipad and she has the nerve to run to the school newspaper and write an article about him.

He had apologized when it happened but she hadn't been willing to accept it, that wasn't his fault.

Harry had never had such a critique in a school paper before and he wasn't going to stand for it.

He doesn't know why he feels the need to go back and forth with this journalist from the paper but he can't stay away.

After their back and forths, he finds himself bringing her food a few times to the newspaper's office after he gets done with a long day of training.

Harry's intruigued that this girl doesn't seem to give a fuck about who he is and really hasn't given him the time of day.

But he finds himself looking forward to picking up a sandwich for her so that she can try to refuse it and give him a shy smile when he doesn't take no for an answer.

It sounds a bit dumb, Harry has spent so much of his time worried about finding the right person or building this emotional bond that he fucking misses it when it's right in front of him.

When YN walks out onto the field that day, leans over the fence and connects their lips for the first time - his insides feel like they're going to combust.

His stomach feels warm with excitement, he's eager to kiss her back, he wants to kiss her back and not stop for anything.

When she pulls away, he wants to pull her back, and join their lips again - he's never wanted to do that before.

Then when she asks, "Are you going to ask me out or what?"

Holy fucking hell.

He has never said yes sooner.

Harry was an idiot.

He didn't see that their back and forth over the past few months (even if a few of those were fights) was flirting and building this god damn connection.

It didn't seem like it at the time because in the past, he had to make conscious efforts to build relationships.

It happened naturally with her, he didn't have to think about 'wanting' to kiss her, forcing time together - he wanted to do all those things without having to plan it.

As he's walking back to the frat from practice that night, his mind is racing because he thinks he might have finally done it.

He found his person.

Harry didn't want to give his hopes up but he just hasn't felt like this before - he's had hundreds of opportunities with the smartest, most attractive people and he's never gotten that warm feeling in his stomach around any of them.

He was thinking about the next time he would get to kiss her and really kiss her - it made him feel something new but it was thrilling.

Harry has never felt more nervous in his life, he'd changed his outfit at least five times, and fluffed his hair a hundred more.

It was funny, outside looking in, despite how cocky Harry appeared to everyone - he really wasn't like that at all.

He hoped that YN would like him and he was worried because even though she forgave him, they really didn’t get off on the right foot.

There was another anxious thought bubbling up, what if he's getting too excited and it is another relationship that falls flat.

Harry nearly wants to back out because he doesn't think he can be let down like that again - he just wants to be loved and love someone.

They're set to meet at a small italian restaurant off of campus, Lorenzo's, and Harry arrives first.

Shet not there yet but he's also a few minutes early, he's trying to talk himself out of a nervous breakdown when a group approaches him, a group of middle-aged men who want to talk to the Harry Styles.

Harry smiles politely, answering questions about the upcoming games, and what he thought of their last win.

When they finally bid him goodbye after a few minutes, the group disperse and waiting patiently is YN with a small smile.

"You're really popular, huh? The Harry Styles," She greets, it was teasing but not in a mean way more curious than anything.

And Harry's mouth felt dry because she looked fucking beautiful like the prettiest thing he's ever seen.

In a form-fitting orange dress, her skin tone was complimenting the vibrant color and her curves were other worldly. ***

Harry knows, absolutely knows he wasn't just trying to make this work, he was undoubtedly attractive to her.

It was the fact that he wanted to see what lay beneath the dress, the way her breasts sat made it hard to control his gaze.

More importantly, her smile was wide and heartbreakingly gorgeous as she stared a bit confused, waiting for him to say something.

"You are gorgeous," Harry manages, it wasn't a line, it was the truth, "Sorry, you took my breath away for a moment if I'm being honest."

YN lets out a shy giggle, her hands smoothing the sides of her dress as a nervous tick, as she steps closer to him.

"You don't look too bad yourself, quite handsome actually," YN compliments, reaching out for Harry's hand so he can guide them inside.

The cocky attitude drops over dinner, well it never appeared in the first place, and YN was appreciative of that.

YN was intelligent, funny, kind, and quite honestly, everything Harry's ever wanted as she snorts out her drink at a dumb joke he makes.

She kicks off heels halfway through the appetizer and rests her foot on his thigh like they've known each other for ages.

He can't help but reach down and squeeze her ankle, fingers dancing along the ridge of the bone, and laughing when he tickles her enough to make her squeak.

For the first time, it doesn't feel forced, he doesn't have to remember that he should want to touch his date.

Harry is interested in everything she has to say from her experience on the newspaper to how she accidentally broke into a museum while she was in high school.

He finds himself laughing genuinely, not counting down the minutes until the date is over, in fact, he doesn't want it to end.

"You're actually a nice guy," YN murmurs towards the end of dinner when their plates are near empty, "Who would have guessed."

Harry winces at the dig, putting his silverware down and looking at her seriously, "I am sorry about how I treated you. I was being a douche. I don't always feel like I have a lot going for me and baseball is what I'm good at and to have that article written was a hit on my ego."

It was the most honest he's ever been with someone but he didn't even think twice about revealing his most vulnerable thoughts to her.

YN's face twist in confusion, "What do you mean you don't have a lot going for you? You have a guarantee in going pro, you have a ton of friends, and you have no shortages of girls around you."

Harry knew he wasn't ready to delve into his sexuality conversation with her, he hasn't ever talked to anyone outside of his family and Niall about it.

Instead of admitting what really makes him feel low - his sexuality and lack of relationships, he just shrugs and says, "I don't know. It's just..It's not alway easy."

"I imagine, it's a lot of pressure on you at all times. Everyone watching your every move," She agrees, her eyes are soft and she can tell Harry's thinking about something.

She doesn't force him to tell her, instead she reaches across the table for his hand and takes it in hers - but she doesn't let go.

Throughout dessert, they hold hands across the table until Harry is feeding YN a piece of strawberry cheesecake and it ends up on her lips instead of in her mouth.

"You did that on purpose," YN laughs, her tongue peeking out to wipe the sweetness away but misses the corner of her lips.

"Missed a spot," Harry chuckles, he leans over to wipe it off with his thumb and when he does, she takes his thumb in her mouth - just for a mere moment to lick it off with a cheeky smile.

Harry feels himself actually start to harden in his pants and he almost wants to panic because that's never happened before - even when girls have tried way more sexy things to get his attention.

It had been a simple but intimate gesture, it wasn't even groundbreaking to YN, she went back to eating her gelato without another thought about the interaction.

Harry had to will himself to calm down, his mind racing to her plump lips and the way it wrapped around his thumb.

If he had any doubt that YN was his person, it was completely gone now - he hadn't even known her long but to say he was infatuated with her was an understatement.

He couldn't find one thing about her that he didn't like from her beauty to her intellect to the way she giggles with a little snort when something was extra funny.

It felt like his world was shaping to revolve around hers but that scared him on the same end that he hadn't known her that long - their emotional connection was just that strong.

After the date, Harry offers to walk her home because she lives in the campus dorms - just like at dinner, very soon into the walk she takes off her heels and shoves them in her purse.

Harry doesn't know if he should make a move, this was all so fucking new, and he felt like he was years behind on what he should know, basics about dates.

YN wasn't hesitant or coy, she quickly intertwined their hands as they walk, bumping shoulders as she points out where her classes are at certain buildings and what she hates about some of her awful professors.

Harry wants to cry because it's just so nice to hold someones fucking hand, that's all he's wanted for so long.

When they arrive at her building, YN digs out her keycard, giving him a pouty expression, "I'm sad our date’s over. I really did have a good time."

"I had an amazing time," Harry tells her seriously, "Will you go out with me again?"

YN squints up at him, with puckered lips, "I'll have to think about it."

Harry's heart drops.

"Oh my god," YN bursts out laughing, "Your face. Of course, I'll go on another date with you, I had fun."

"S'not funny," Harry mumbles grumply as she giggles at his reaction.

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you," YN hums, stepping into his space and leaning up until their lips meet.

Harry's frozen for a moment, it feels like sparks, like everything finally makes sense but he doesn't realize that he actually physically froze because YN is pulling back.

"Shit, I'm sorry I though-" She begins to apologize profusely, thinking she read the situation wrong.

Harry takes a deep breath, channeling his confidence, and he steps forward into her space now - hands coming to cup her face and bring their lips together passionately.

Their lips move in perfect synchronization, his tongue swiping against her lips until she opens, and he can get entrance.

Her hand comes up to his neck, keeping him close as they kiss, it feels like his first real kiss, and he can't get enough.

When they finally pull back for air, her lips are swollen and she has a starry-eyed smile on her face.

"Goodnight, Harry," YN murmurs softly, pecking his lips one last time before swiping her card and going into her building.

Fucking hell, he was gone for her.

He could not stop thinking about her.

Her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes squinted when she was teasing him - this had to be what being in love felt like.

Could it be this easy?

As soon as he gets home, he sends her a text.

Thanks for giving me a chance. I really had a great time. Are you free next Friday?

It barely takes any time for her to respond and he finds his lips turning down at her response.

Are you fucking with me?

He decides to take the more cautious route, reading his text conversation, and he doesn't think he said anything wrong.

No? Did I offend you??

Yes.

As soon as he receives the message he's typing out an apology for whatever he might have said to trigger her to be upset but right before he hits send, another text pops in.

Offended you're not asking me to hang out sooner.

Harry totally does not squeal like a school girl as he smiles stupidly at his phone for the next few moments before remebering to actually text back.

I have a game tomorrow and Sunday but we could hang out Monday night x

They agree on that.

When the next day comes, he feels more energized than ever to do good on the field today - he always thrived but YN was really boosting his confidence and overall happiness.

He struts on to the field, he always displayed arrogance on the field no matter how he was feeling on the inside - he wanted to intimidate people and let them know that he's the best.

At the mound, he kicks the dirt a bit and adjusts his hat in a little ritual he always did before scanning the crowd - it was always a full house in the stadiums because of him.

His eyes do a quick skim of the crowd but stop when he's sees YN sitting in the stands without her iPad or notepad - she's sitting with a friend.

Harry's heart leaps as he gives a dimply smile that was exclusively for and he tips his cap towards her in greeting.

She blows him an exaggerated kiss and a small wave as the announcers begin the game.

Harry doesn't know if he's ever had a game that good - he had been on fire the whole time, multiple strikeouts, a home-run, and overall good plays.

When the game’s over after the post-game interview and compliments, instead of heading straight to the showers, he wants to talk to YN but she's no longer in the stands.

He tries not to think too hard about it as he goes into the locker room to shower, in a noticeable less than happy mood.

Harry's actually the last one out, he drags his feet getting into the showers, and lets the hot water just hit against his sore muscles.

By the time he gets out, wrapping a towel around his waist, and stepping over to his duffel - he nearly screams when someone appears in the locker-room.

"What's taking you so long? I've been waiting out there for ages," YN complains with a raised eyebrow, a smirk on her face when she's met with his strong, damp chest - his pec twitches.

"Er," Harry stammers as he stares wide eyed at her, "I didn't think you were waiting for me."

YN shakes her head, "Why wouldn't I? Am I being too subtle about dropping hints that I like you?"

Harry’s chest seizes because he doesn't want her to think that, "No no, it's me. M'sorry I'm fucking this up. I just, yeah..."

I just can't tell you why yet.

Be patient with me.

"I know you've been with a lot of people, okay? I'm not here to use you and lose you. I want to see where this goes," YN seems frustrated as she explains herself.

"I do too. M'sorry," He apologizes again, the opposite of the cocky asshole she met, "I'm really, really into you."

And you're the first person I've said that to without lying.

"Yeah?" Her words are quiet, bashful as she glances down at her feet for a moment, like she wanted to hear the affirmations from him.

"Of course, you're gorgeous, smart, out of my league, if I'm being honest," He tells her with a raspy chuckle.

"I think you have it backwards," YN murmurs but she's walking towards him, and just like yesterday, kisses him fiercely.

God, he's never going to get tired of this.

He instantly reciprocates her advance, hand moving to the back of her head to cradle her skull and keep her close.

His stomach muscles twitch when her hand comes to his chest, rubbing up and down his abdominal definition, and thumb teasing at his happy trail.

It indescribable how just the simple touch is turning him on, he can feel himself harden at the movement and he can't help but push his tongue into her mouth.

They get startled when a janitor steps into the lockeroom, a tired look on his face when he spots them, "I'm locking up. Get lost, kids."

YN giggles as Harry flushed with embarrassment before she's leaving him to get changed and waiting outside for him to walk her home.

The next three weeks were an absolute whirlwind of hanging out in YN's dorm room cuddled together on the tiny bed, watching movies in his room in the frat, Harry stopping by the newspaper office constantly after practice to make sure she ate and then walkingher home, and then on the weekends they were going on dates and YN was coming to watch his games.

He knew that he was in love, he didn't care what anyone had to say about a certain amount of time it took or it was too soon.

Harry had found his person.

The puzzle piece that was missing his whole entire life was wrapped up in a gorgeous girl who bullied him, cuddled him, and gave him attitude when she didn't get her way.

He couldn't imagine anyone better.

There was one major issue, Harry had yet to tell her about his sexuality or the fact that he was a virgin.

He didn't blame her for making assumptions that he had a high body count with the way he flirted at parties - that was in fact the appearance that he was trying to give off even though it was further from the truth.

Harry wanted to tell her but when revealing that he was demisexual that was also telling her that he was head over heels for her.

And even though YN seemed nothing but understanding and accepting, it's different when you're in a relationship with the person.

She doesn't know whether it would matter if he was pansexual, if it would freak her out that he wasn't soley attracted to females.

As much fun as he was having, enjoying this new relationship, there was a lot of anxiety - he hadn't felt this much weight on his chest since high school with Yazmin and prom.

They hadn't gone further than kisses but it wasn't because of lack of arousal, he was so attractive to her that it didn't make sense.

However, up to this point, she hadn't pushed to do anything further than that and he wasn't ready to take the first step either.

It's a standoff until it's not.

YN and Harry are in his frat, they prefered it there for his queen size bed and he had a bigger television that they could binge watch shows on.

It was after a mid-week game, they had done exceptional, and Harry was truly convinced that YN was his good luck charm.

It was late, they both had class tomorrow but YN was sleeping over for the first time because Harry couldn't part with her.

They were in the middle of watching Great British Bake-Off and critiquing their bakes like either of them could do anything close to as good.

YN is tucked into his side, head of his chest but she squirms until she's looking up at him with a frown.

"Whassit?" Harry rumbles as he blinks heavily, his hand coming up to brush her hair out of her face - he couldn't get over how fucking pretty she was.

"Didn't kiss me enough today," YN huffs like she just realized the problem, her bottom lip pouted out.

"Didn't give you enough kisses, huh?" Harry repeats with a raised brow, his thumb coming to pull at her lower lip, "I haven't been very good to you, have I?"

"Absolutely awful boyfriend," YN agrees and everytime she refers to him as that, his stomach flutters.

"Or maybe I've just given it to you too much so now you're a demanding lil' thing," He hums but he's pulling her up so that their lips meet.

Harry can't help that he gets hard everytime they make out, maybe it’s a rookie thing or maybe most guys that's normal for - he wasn't sure.

But Harry and YN had never acknowledged it and as weird as it sounded - it felt good to get hard even if there wasn't relief at that time because it’s more pleasure and arousal than he's ever felt.

There was no way he wasn’t truly fucked - this girl held everything in her hands, she had so much fucking control over it and she didn't have one fucking clue.

YN's hand is rested on his stomach but at some point she moves it, she moves it right over his bulge in his nike running shorts, and palms at him.

Harry moans embarrassingly loud and sucks in a gasp at the sensation of someone else touching him like this for the first time.

YN pulls back startled like she hurt him and begins to apologize because of his visceral reaction but Harry joins their lips needily before murmuring, "Please baby, don't stop."

"Okay, whatever you want," She simpers quietly, her lips coming to his neck to kiss and nip at the skin as she feels out the shape of him over his thin shorts - thick and ready for her.

Harry is trying to keep his eyes open but it feels so new and euphoric that his lids are heavy as she thumbs over the sensitive tip.

"Take your shirt off," YN requests, not taking her hand off as he rustles hurriedly to get it over his head, "Slow down, we're not in a rush."

It was lightly teasing but it made insecurities tick a bit because he didn't want to embarass himself in his first sexual experience.

His stomach is sucking in at every other touch, his butterfly tattoo dancing as his ribcage outlines against his skin.

Her hand lazily moves upwards again but is taking the liberty of dipping into his shorts and briefs.

He twitches when her hand wraps around him, thumb tracing along the vein on the underside before circling at his already wet tip.

"M'gonna take my time with you," YN promises as she helps him slip the rest of his clothes off, her eyes locking with where he's hard for her.

He feels self-conscious, the first person to see this part of him in this intimate way - it was the most vulnerable he ever felt.

"You're so pretty," She murmurs happily as she begins to give him light strokes, "Makes sense why you have big dick energy. You're massive."

He has to clench his teeth to avoid coming at her words because it was all too much as he kept his hips on the mattress as she twists and tugs with the perfect amount of pressure.

"I-It feels so good, baby," Harry breathes out, he's on the verge of panting when her hand comes to roll his balls delicately.

"Yeah?" YN muses with a devious smile before she's ducking down to lick at the swollen head before suckling at it.

"Fuck, m'sorry," Harry groans as he feels his orgasm start, "S'good, you're so good. Fuck, you're amazin, sweetheart."

He can tell YN is a bit taken aback by his lack of stamina but she swallows as he pulses in her mouth.

When she sits back up, Harry is trying to catch his breath, "I'm so sorry. I just-"

"Stop apologizing," YN tells him firmly, leaning over to pepper kisses over his chest and tummy, "That was perfect. You look so handsome when you come."

Harry preens at the praise, he knows she’s probably just making sure he doesn't fell bad but it seemed genuine.

"Let me take care of you," Harry says after a few more moments, he knew his cheeks were flushed and his chest red with a blush of postorgasm haze and embarassment, what a mixture.

"You any good at it?" She jokes as she playfully licks his nipple before moving to take her own shirt off.

Harry freezes, he knows he probably looks like a deer in headlights before quickly wiping it off his face.

He doesn't respond but instead knocks her hands out of the way to pull the shirt over her head himself.

Her breasts were fucking perfect where they sat in a plain black bra with a little lace detailing on the edge of the cups.

Harry didn't know if he would survive this, he felt like a stupid teeanger as his hands were shaking with nerves.

This was more nerve-wracking then when he played in the playoffs for baseball or when a college scout came to watch his game.

He sits up and rearranges them until she's laying on her back and he's on top where he feels like he has a bit more control of the situation.

By some grace of god, YN's bra unlatches with a front clip and when he undoes it, it falls to either side and her tits bounce out.

"Holy shit, darling," Harry huffs out in awe, her nipples were already hard and so fucking pretty.

"What?" YN asks in a mere whisper, when he looks up at her - his heart sinks because he was so focused on himself that he didn't even think about how she might be feeling.

It was obvious that YN was a bit nervous too as he revealed her like he might not like how she looks - she’s squirmy and doesn't look him in the eye.

"How are you so fucking beautiful?" Harry shakes his head in disbelief, moving to cup them and they're soft in grip, warm, and good god, he's in love with them already, "Look at you, s'unfair."

YN lets out a pleased giggle and Harry can't wait any longer, he's fucking down to wrap his lips around one of the buds and suckle as his other hand rolls her other nipple.

"Oo-oh," She gasps out, pushing her chest into him, and he was sure that he wanted to hear her moans of pleasure for the rest of his life.

She was responsive to his touch, whimpering and asking for more through her body language as he switched between them and teased them until they were damp and puffy.

"Please, H. I'm so wet," YN begs as her hips move in frustration, her hand weaving into his hair and scratching at his scalp.

"You're wet for me?" Harry pulls back, their eyes meeting and he couldn't believe - he was turning her on even if he didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

"Stop teasing me," She demands with a pout.

He really wasn't.

Harry felt like he was in a movie in a way.

He dreamed about this for so long.

Being so in love with someone that he would want to have sex with them.

It happened and it was happening right now.

If it didn't feel so good, he wouldn't believe it.

Harry may or may not have utilized the internet to search about how to please a female.

He hadn't wanted to come into this and not be able to return the favor - it wasn't that he was uneducated about sex or didn't know the logistics of how to do it.

He didn't want it to be just okay.

He wants to show her how much he's truly gone for her by making her feel the same pleasure she's give to him.

Harry takes his time kissing down her soft belly, biting at the plush on her hips to make her squeak before he's shimmying her shorts and underwear off.

Harry has never felt so primal in his life when he's met with her mound and puffy folds, glistening with arousal, and he wanted to devour her.

The hesitance is gone as soon as he sees her for the first time.

He's spreading her legs and nuzzling straight in between her folds, lapping at her with excited, eager strokes.

Fuck, she even tasted good.

"Harry, fuck," YN mewls when he finds her clit, it wasn't hard with how swollen and hard it was for him - dragging it between his lips and suctioned it.

Her legs are restless like she wants to close them, her hands balling into the sheets as he relentlessly goes at her.

"Oh my god," She gasps as she bucks upwards, trying to ride his tongue - it was by far the hottest thing that had ever happened to him.

He couldn't believe he was actually doing a good job his first time, he knew she was actually close because he could feel her throbbing and getting wetter for him.

Her hands move to his hair, gripping it to keep him close to her center as she punches her hips up to find the friction she needs - it was beautiful watching her chase her pleasure without any shame.

He wanted to do this with her for the rest of his life and he knew it wasn't just the sex talking at this point.

She was it for him.

His chest swells in pride when she finally tips over the edge, a continuous stream of soft whining moans out of her mouth as her hips slow down and rest back against the bed - her limbs loosening.

Her face was damp with perspiration, long locks stuck to the side of her neck, and her chest was heaving and falling quickly as she tried to catch her breath.

"That was the best orgasm I've ever had," YN murmurs in awe, goading him back up until they’re kissing in short little pecks and he's brushing that sticky hair off her skin, "You're so good at that."

Harry's internally preening with the compliment, thrilled that he was able to get her off the first time ever doing something like this.

It was dangerous though, he knew already that he was going to crave her, she tasted amazing, it was addictive to be around her.

Everything from her smile to her laugh to the way her folds glistened with her arousal - it was all consuming.

Harry knows the longer they're seeing each other that he needs to tell her but the second he tells her about his sexuality, he's basically confessing his love to her.

He begins to feel like he's living this lie because YN occasionally makes a joke about how experienced he is or how many people he'd been with and he doesn't ever deny it.

To be fair, he never confirms it either but that even feels like lying.

One day while they're at lunch in a little bistro on campus, tucked away in the corner so people don't continuously harass Harry like always.

"I..I shouldn't be surprised at how good you were," YN murmurs shyly, they were talking about last night and when he used his mouth for the first time, "It's just...for me, I've only been with two other guys and it wasn't at all like that."

"They sound like idiots who didn't deserve to give it to you anyways," Harry has to swallow down the possessiveness of two other people having her like that.

She was his.

YN shrugs noncommittal as she sips on her peach tea, "They were okay but not as experienced as you. They hadn't been able to make me, you know...finish."

Cue his chest swelling with pride once again.

YN glances down at her plate, suddenly not making eye contact with Harry and he frowns at that, "What's wrong?"

She shakes her head, letting out a short laugh, "I just feel embarrassed, I guess. I know that I don't have as much experience as you. I've heard the stories of you taking all those girls upstairs at parties. It's not, it doesn't bother me but I...I just worry I'm not going to be good enough or compare."

Harry's heart sinks into his stomach and he knows now would be the absolutely perfect time to actually come clean that all those experiences were fake.

He chokes though, his throat tightens up and he can't find the words but he can reassure her, and he's not lying when he tells her, "Hey, I've never had a better experience than last night and m'not lying. You were amazing, fuckin' perfect. I can still taste how sweet you-"

"Ssh," YN giggles, the mood already lightened again as she chucks a chip at him because she doesn't know if anyone is eavesdropping, "I get it. Thank you."

"Anytime, babydoll," Harry drawls cheekily, exerting confidence when inside he's absolutely panicking.

Tonight it is the night.

Harry has nearly canceled three times because he doesn't know if he can do this.

He's so fucking in love with YN.

So fucking gone for her already that he doesn't know how he could lose her if this isn't something she's okay with.

Logically, he knows that if she doesn't accept him for who he is that she's not worth his time but fuck, he loved her.

YN was it for him, he didn't care how early it was or if you’re ot supposed to say that yet because they haven't been together long.

It was the truth though.

Harry wanted to try to make it as casual as possible when he brought it up so he invited her to sleepover after an away game.

He'd organized his room, cleaned his sheets, bought her favorite snacks, and laid out a shirt that she'd want to sleep in.

When she knocked on his bedroom door, one of his mates must have let her in, his hands were physically shaking and his smile was forced through nerves.

"Hi," YN huffs as she brushes past him to drop her overnight bag, "I brought a bag of chips but Niall literally stole them out of my hand and ran away like a little goblin -"

"I have something I need to tell you," Harry blurts out as he quickly shuts the door and leans up against it - he felt like he was about to have a full blown panic attack.

YN freezes from her rant, eyes meeting his with concern at his behavior and his body language, "Is everything okay, H?"

Harry squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and tries to breathe out of his mouth, voice quaking, "I-I don't know."

Fuck, why did he feel like he was going to cry.

"Harry," YN murmurs from where she's sat on his bed now, "You're freaking me out a bit. What's going on?"

"I haven't told you something, important about me," Harry sniffles, he couldn't control the tears that were rolling down his cheeks, and he felt like that scared high schooler all over again, "And I'm scared you won't want to be with me if I tell you."

YN's brow furrows, she doesn't know how to respond because she doesn't know what he's been hiding from her.

"Tell me," She asks softly, her heart was pounding too - she didn't know if he was going to break up with her or tell her he already cheated but she was worried just as much as he was.

"M'not straight," Harry finally whispers, looking down at his feet and avoiding her gaze all together, "I'm pansexual and demisexual. I haven’t been with anyone other than you, ever. God, I know I sound like such a fucking loser."

"Come here," YN responds firmly, her eyes serious and he can't read her expression which makes everything worse as he cries, sniffling and wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.

He listens though, cautiously walking until he's in front of her - eyes still looking anywhere but at her.

"Look at me," YN prompts once again, waiting until his watering green eyes finally meet hers, "I love you, no matter what your sexual preference is or how many people you've been with."

"You-You love me?" Harry stutters out with another sob, he felt like such a baby but his heart was fluttering and butterflies were turning his stomach.

"I thought I've made it obvious but yes, I do," YN smiles sweetly, pulling him down to kiss him despite his damp cheeks, "I love you as you are. I accept you as you are. You're perfect."

Harry blinks away his tears, letting her cup his jaw and bring him in for short but soft pecks over and over again.

"I know what pansexual is," YN says against his mouth before pulling back a little, "I don't know what demisexual is."

After Harry gets done explaining to her what his sexuality means to him, what he defines as being demi sexual - he's alarmed when he notices tears in YN's eyes now.

"I'm- Are you-" Harry begins to ask but she cuts him off.

"I'm your person?" YN repeats his words from earlier, she sounds like she’s a bit in disbelief that this is all happening.

"You’re my person," Harry agrees, kissing her forehead, nose, lips, cheeks, "I'm so in love with you. It's only ever been you. Only ever will be."

"I love you," YN gasps against his lips, bringing him in for another kiss but this time it's more heated with more purpose behind it as she pulls him down on top of her.

YN and Harry are equally frantic as they tug off each other's shirts, lips wandering over bare skin, and YN whines loudly when his lips wrap around her nipples and suck at them.

She's hurriedly pushing his shorts and briefs off his hips before allowing him to nearly rip her panties with the eagerness to have her bare.

As Harry's mouth teases at her breasts, switching between harden buds and nipping at them - her hands are twined tightly in his hair and holding him to her.

His cock is painfully hard, wet at the tip as he grinds it against her mound - the friction already good.

On one thrust, his length slips through her folds and his swollen head is pumping at her clit - making them both let out a surprised moan at the sensation.

"Need it," YN whines as he pumps his hips, the wet slide against her core was new to him but it felt like heaven, "Please, H."

And he knew what she was asking, he wanted to give it to her but he was scared that it wasn't going to be good.

"It's my first time," Harry mumbles embarrassedly, even though he had already admitted that to her, "I don't know how long I'll last,"

YN wriggles her hips, hissing in pleasure when his cock drags against her slit, teasing at pushing in before pulling away.

"It's okay, baby," She assures him, petting at his hair, "I just want you, please. I don't care how long you last, just want you. Want to make you mine."

Want to make you mine.

Holy fucking shit.

"Yeah," Harry rasps, voice deeper than ever, feeling a building up in confidence at how bad she wanted him right now.

He was so used to being the best at everything.

He was the best baseball player in the college leagues.

He was the best pitcher to ever attend Duke.

He was the first person to get an MLB draft pick before graduation.

He wasn't used to not being confident in hai abilities but he truly felt the love radiating from YN and knew that she just wanted him however she could get him.

Harry takes a deep breath, hand shaking as he grips himself, positioning at her entrance, and when he pushes in - he knows he moans loud enough that the whole house will be able to hear him.

"Shit, baby," Harry mewls as he drops his head down to take a deep breath before moving, "You feel so good. Fuckin' hell."

"H, move please," YN begs as she wraps her legs around his hips, "You're so big. Feels amazing, please honey."

Harry nods, one more deep breath before he's pulling out nearly to his tip before thrusting back in - the hot, velvet of her walls squeezing him and it was surely what euphoria felt like.

He can feel his orgasm already brimming over and it couldn't have been more than a minute or two - between the feeling around his cock, how pretty the noises she's making are, and the way her tits jiggle with every stroke - he can't last.

"M'sorry," Harry groans as his stomach starts to tense, "M'coming, you feel so good. You're gonna make me come."

With that, he's speeding up and pounding in harder than before - YN’s hand reaches down to rub expertly at her clit until she's clenching up around him and whimpering as her thighs shake.

Harry pulls out after a moment, ducking to grab his discarded tee shirt to clean them both up - he knows his cheeks are twinged pink with embarrassment.

"Hey," YN giggles, grabbing his attention and squishing his cheeks between her hands as she grips his chin, "Don't get all shy on me now."

"M'not being shy," Harry pouts as his words are muffled from his cheeks being smooshed, "I just look like a dickhead, I just came in a fuckin' minute."

YN rolls her eyes, fuck she's so pretty, her skin was literally glowing, "So what? Just means we get to practice more."

Harry chuckles, already feeling the tension ease form his chest, "For the rest of our lives. I only want this with you, ever. My body is yours."

"And I will always love it," YN murmurs more seriously, forehead pressed against his, "I love you for you. I accept you for you. You’re perfect and you're enough."

And after this, Harry never ever doubts that YN is the one for him - not in a few days or a decade when they're married and have four little babies running around that look just like him.

You are never alone.

There is always someone ready to listen, there is no struggle too little or too big.

The world needs you here.

Trans Crisis Line

LGBTQIA+ Crisis Talk, Chat, or Text

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sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

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sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

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Okay hear me out mama tacos, Mlbrry is so tired and worn out after practice and when he comes back home late at night, Y/N is still up, waiting for him and in the mood and he's like not today, sweetheart, I'm so tired. And thens she's like okay then let's cuddle and he lays on top of her, hugging her, laying his head above her heart and she kisses the top of his head a few times and pecks him on the lips and then he kisses her back and it turns to a steamy make out sesh and they end up having sex and she's like, remind me again, who did not want to have sex and teasing him. I can't think of anything else im gone for him 😭😭😭

Keep This Moment

prompt: ^^^

warnings: smut, language, 18+ minors dni

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*This pic for reference *

YN had been in the mood all day, Harry had to be in the city early for a meeting with team over sponsorship and what not before he had to go play a home game.

The kids were all well behaved today, Easton and Cash had baseball practice, and earlier in the afternoon Ezra and Briar had at-home swim lessons.

They all went to bed easy, exhausted from a long day of fun activities, ending with watching a few minutes of the game on their television to see their dad before tucking in for the night.

YN isn’t all that tired, especially because all the kids were in bed by eight.

She took her time taking a hot lavender bubble bath, shaving, and moisturizing her body before laying ontop of their duvet to scroll through her phone in the dim light from a floor lamp in one of her husband’s shirts and underwear.

When she opens up Instagram, on the popular page, paparazzi pictures pop up from today and YN clicks on a slideshow.

She snorts out a laugh at his mismatched outfit and noticed that the floral tote he had on his shoulder was totally hers.

However, she pinches the picture to zoom in on his legs - they just look so pretty, lean and muscular, looking like they’re carved from marble.

He’s so fucking attractive and she notices 750,000 likes on the image from other people who think the same just gives her a sick satisfaction that’s her husband.

She rarely gets time to sit on her phone so time gets away from her, until the man who the internet is fangirling over is standing in the doorway.

His messy curls are damp like he showered right after the game and left before barely drying off, he is already shucking off his hoodie and shirt, revealing his rippling stomach and the vee teasing into the front of his shorts.

“Hi mama,” Harry rasps lowly, closing their door and trailing over to lean down to give her a kiss which she’s already tilted her head up for, “Missed you and the babies.”

“Missed you more,” She replies, her hand wasting not time traveling from where she had cupped his jaw down his pecs and abdomen before dipping into his shorts.

Harry sighs against her mouth, his hand coming to wrap around her wrist and bring it back up to kiss the ring on her finger then her palm.

“Mama,” He rumbles in that slow drawl, like he has all the time in the world, tiredness seeping into his tone, “M’so exhausted, love. Don’t think I could get it up if I tried. I’ll give it to you in the morning, yeah?”

And even though YN felt a swoop of disappointment in being turned down because she was feeling so aroused and energetic, she understood and she never wanted her husband to feel bad for saying no when he didn’t want it.

“Sounds like a plan, come give me a cuddle then,” YN redirects, letting out an omph! of breath when he settles ontop of her, a heavy weight as his tummy moves slowly against her pelvis, his head tucked right against her breasts, “How was everything today?”

Harry rustles around until he’s comfortable, trying to displace his weight so it’s not overwhelming - moaning in pleasure when YN’s hands come up to scratch his scalp lightly.

“Mm, did I mention I missed you terribly?” Harry hums before he adds, “The sponsorship meeting was pretty cool. Gatorade offered me 3.2 million dollars to post three pictures on my Instagram of me drinking their new protein shakes during my workouts. Jeff told them to round it up to four and they had a deal. And they did.”

“It’s crazy how not that long ago we were sat in your frat, trying to figure out how we were going to afford the move to New York and our little baby. Now you’re just having millions thrown at you daily,” YN replies as she continues to scratch.

“H, I just-“ YN shutters through a sob, trying to catch her breathe as she feels an anxiety attack coming on quick.

“Whoa, baby. Don’t cry, please,” Harry replies, startled by the onslaught of tears as he moves her from where she was sitting on his lap at his small desk to his bed, noise coming from all levels of the frat house.

“I don’t know how we’re going to do this. I don’t know how we’ll manage to move and support the baby,” YN wipes her eyes, anxious from them looking in his laptop at apartments in the city.

“I will always, always make sure the baby is supported,” Harry says firmly, his hand coming to cradle her blossoming bump.

“We twenty and twenty-one, picking up our whole lives, and adding a child to it,” She shakes her head, “What if we’re not good parents? We’re young and broke.”

“And we love each other,” Harry cuts in, “We love each other and we are going to love our baby more than anything else on this planet. Our age doesn’t define us as parents.”

“I’m scared,” YN whispers as he kisses her face with soft pecks, his hand massage the now taut skin of her bump.

“Never let anything bad happen to you or the baby,” Harry tells her, “I’m scared too but I know, for a fact, that you’re going to be an incredible mama. Let me worry about the rest.”

“We did it, baby. You’re now a rich housewife, all this money is ours,” Harry chuckles jokingly but pauses when YN tilts his chin up.

“I would love if you made a million dollars a day. I would love you if you make 10 dollars a day. I’m not proud because of money. I’m proud of your hard work for our family,” YN says sincerely and with an edge of firmness as she leans down to kiss his forehead.

“I-“ Harry chokes off because he doesn’t know what to say to sum up everything he’s feeling, “I love you and our babies, so fucking much. Would do whatever I needed to do to support you.”

“I know, baby,” YN agrees with a smile against his skin, he tilts his head up further until their lips meet once again - soft and unhurried.

It starts off quite romantic and innocent, short pecks before pulling back, only to be magnetically drawn together again.

Harry readjusts until he’s propped up a bit more, a hand coming to cup her jaw as they share short, delicate kisses.

It feels like it’s goes on forever, which is a good thing in this case scenario, the constant quiet smacking over their lips and shallow pants for air.

YN tries to keep it nonsexual but it’s really difficult when he’s keeps bringing her back in for more and more kisses - his lips raspberry red and puffy from their movements.

She feels it through his thin shorts when he hardens up, quickly and stone solid, perking up against her - he tries to ignore it but after YN tests the waters by licking at his tongue, he groans and grinds down into her center - only covered by flimsy cotton.

His skin is hot, like a space heater as he doesn’t let her up for air, his tongue pushing its way into her mouth - wriggling down until his cock is fitting right into her plush folds through the fabric, his head bumping at her clit.

There’s no deadline, no hurry as they grinds together, YN spreading open more and allow Harry’s lips to travel down her neck as he keeps a steady rhythm of grinding against her.

She doesn’t know what makes it so sexy but it just is when he bites at her nipples through her tee shirt, pulling them between his teeth before sucking the shirt material damp.

It made her want, crave his mouth on her nipples, feel the smooth laps of his tongue or harsh nips, anything.

“You’re everything I want,” Harry murmurs against her belly, rucking the shirt up to lick and suck at the plush she had, “Just want to be on you, every second of the day.”

“You’re teasing,” YN whines softly, eyes twinkling down at her husband who is thumbing at a line of stretch marks near her navel.

“M’not,” Harry dismisses with a shake of his head, his mouth slowly moves up her belly - goosebumps in their wake as he begins to lay kisses on the underside of her breasts.

She felt so wet that she had to be dripping onto the sheets, her chest was pounding, and her blood pressure was rising from the arousal of it all.

“Please, H,” YN finally gasps after his lips and tongue ghost their way around her cleavage, breath tickling over her nipples, his teeth grazing against the risen tender skin of her areola.

“Whassit?” He mumbles, mouth not moving from her skin, lost in whatever his exploration was of her body like he owned it - he did.

“Just need your mouth on ‘em,” She huffs, squirming her hips a little bit to get the point across to her husband.

“Sure baby,” Harry agrees distractedly, his lips moving to finally wrap around her peak and his hand coming up to roll and pinch the other one.

And he fucking tortures her with it.

She’s stuck between a figurative heaven and hell.

Heaven is the fact that he’s been showing attention to her chest for the last twenty minutes but hell because his hand doesn’t even move to touch her cunt.

When she tries to sneak her own hand down into the front of her panties, Harry frowns at her, and guides her hand back up, “S’not time for that. Just let me touch you, love on you.”

She could tell how tired he was by how lazy and unrushed his movements were but yet somehow focused at the same time.

Her tits were scattered with lovebites by the time he was done, her nipples sore with achingly good pleasure, and her core was a wet mess.

Harry during this whole time would intermittently rut his hips against her, to relieve a bit of friction before settling back down.

She needed more.

She was too wired to let him continue onslaught of teasing which she knew he would, especially when his hand finally moved fo her cunt to roll her clit through her underwear with no urgency.

“Wet f’me,” Harry rasps as he moves down to pet at her core through the fabric, bumping against her like he’s trying to get his fingers in, “Gonna let me tease this pretty cunt?”

That’s all she needs to her before she was knocking him off her and onto his back, his went easily because he was surprised by the sudden movement and let out a low, pleased laugh.

This was euphoric.

She has to return the teasing just a bit, she shimmies off his shorts and briefs, and he’s so hard it look painful, fuck he was big.

She ducks down, purposefully avoiding his cock as she sucks mean, harsh hickeys into his sensitive thighs which make him mewl in pained pleasure.

YN knew his hands were aching to wrap in her hair and guide her warm mouth to him but he resisted, clenching his fists in the sheets.

“Give me more, mama. Come on, be a good girl,” He goads instead in his most alluring, gravely tone - hips twitching impatiently.

“More?” YN smirks a bit wickedly, she moves to his balls, lapping gently at where they’re swollen and snug at his base but makes him audibly moan when she ducks down to trace her tongue down the sensitive skin and back to his hole.

“Fuckin’ Christ, how are you so fuckin’ hot? How’d I land you, baby,” Harry babbles, lifting his hips a bit so that YN can have better access to him and he’s now so so wired.

“M’gonna, doll. You’re gonna make me come, just please. M’gonna come for you,” Harry pants out desperately and she takes pity, wrap a hand around him and giving a few hard pumps before he comes, ropes decorating his stomach, “You’re perfect. Make me feel s’fucking good.”

“H,” YN whines as she sits back up, ready for her own release now.

“Of course, shush up. Know m’gonna get you off, sweet thing,” He titters, still out of breathe when he pushes her back and tugs off her underwear.

“Fuckin’ hell, look at her,” Harry breathes out in awe when he sees how wet her folds are with arousal, how pretty she spreads open like a flower, “S’pretty, darling.”

She was so sensitive, so puffy that it only takes a few directed licks to her clit and she was bearing down, moaning through her climax.

When Harry pops back up afterwards, a sleepy smile on his face, he swipes the hair off her forehead, and murmurs, “Baby, I’m actually so fuckin’ tired now. Will you wipe me down? Love of my life, y’know that?”

YN giggles, kissing his nose before shimmying off the bed, and padding to the bathroom to warm up a rag to wash off his belly.

By the time she washes herself off and brings the cloth out, he’s splayed out like a starfish, stark naked, and snoring.

YN grabs a clean pair of briefs and shimmies them onto his body which makes him grumble and whine as she disturbs his slumber after she wiped him clean.

Days like this. She wishes she could save and keep in a box for when they’re older, being so in love and so happy and young.

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sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

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rest in peace to the legend that is olivia newton-john.

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sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

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gangrry loses his shit when y/n spits in his mouth or asks for him to spit in her mouth yes or no

Fuckin’ Brat

prompt: YN gets pissed when Harry doesn’t get home when he’s supposed. She tries to reach him a lesson but the tables get turned.

warnings: smut, 18+ no minors

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Enjoy ❣️

It’s not something YN was even into either…until she met him and even then it never even crossed her mind until they were already married with the twins.

It was nearly two in the morning, the twins had been in bed since seven - luckily they were sleeping through the night without waking up usually.

Harry had been out all day into night and YN was livid with him - she hated when he was gone for these long amounts of time.

Even though she know he hates being away from his family just as much, it doesn’t mean she can’t get annoyed with him.

Though she’s a wife and a mum, it hasn’t changed her completely - she’s still a firecracker with a foul mouth and a nasty streak of vindictiveness, especially when it came to her husband.

With that being said, instead of going to bed and sleeping off the boiling rage - she stayed up, waiting for his return, just to start a fight.

They haven’t fought in a while, one was about due.

YN was sat against the headboard of their bed, she could vaguely hear Harry rustling around as he entered the home - kicking off his boots, dropping his keys in the entryway bowl.

YN shuts off all the lights in the bedroom and returns to her spot on the mattress.

She knew he would go to the nursery first so she grabbed both baby monitors to watch him as he entered to check on his babies.

The anger in her body flickers for a moment when she watches his interaction with their twins, he first steps over to Olive’s crib.

He gazes at her for a long moment, his hand coming down the thumb at her cheek softly so he didn’t wake her.

After a moment, he goes to Beau who’s is fast asleep with his forehead resting against the wood of the crib, surely uncomfortable but that boy slept like the dead.

Harry carefully moves him closer to the center of the mattress, running his fingers over the light mark the crib made, and just stares at his son for another moment before leaving.

When he gets to their door, he tries to be as quiet as possible when opening it because he thinks his wife’s is asleep and he’s fucking relieved because he knew she’d be livid.

He creeps over to their walk-in closet to change his clothes, he opens and shuts the door behind him.

YN sees the light flicker on underneath and reflect dimly into their bedroom.

Quiet as a mouse, she gets up and places herself in position next to the door, she has the upper hand because Harry is blinded in the darkness and thinks she’s asleep.

Harry turns off the light, slowly opening the closet door, and YN can faintly see his shadow in the reflection from the full moon tonight.

“You fucker,” YN hisses as she lunges at him, her smaller hand wrapping around his throat not tight enough to hurt but to prove a point.

“Fuckin’ shit!” Harry shouts in utter surprise, his hand instantly shooting up and gripping onto hers, making a pain sear through her arm but as soon as he realizes it’s her, he loosens his deadly grip, “You fuckin’ bitch.”

“You’re the one to talk,” YN shoots back through her teeth, backing him against the wall. She can feel his heart pounding nearly out of his chest, “Can’t believe you -“

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Harry bites back, his hands moving to squeeze at her hips and pet at her tummy where there’s still some baby weight that he absolutely loves to sink his teeth in, “I made an extra £3 million tonight, it was worth it. Okay? Sometimes I have to be out late. Did you miss me or somethin’?”

“No,” YN says too quickly, letting him know that she definitely missed him, “Didn’t think about you even once.”

“Not even once?” Harry parrots with a faux pout, the tight hand wrapped around his throat making his voice raspy and his cock twitch in his jeans, “Not even when you were holding the babies I put in you? The person who made you a mum?”

“Get down on your knees,” YN orders with frustration still stagnant in her tone, god she was so fucking hot.

“My pleasure, pet,” Harry replies cockily, lips turned up in a smirk and he leans over quickly to turn on a lamp so he can actually see the beauty that is his wife before kneeling like she asked.

And this is where everything changes.

He’s completely prepared to eat her out especially when she huffs out an annoyed, “Open your mouth.”

Harry does so easily, before his wife if anyone would have asked him to get on his knees, even during sex, he would have never - instead demanded that they get on their knees for him.

The next move that YN does is by far one of the sexiest and that’s saying something because she’s done some of the most jaw-dropping, mind-boggling things that Harry had never experienced before her and that was saying something.

Harry was well versed in nearly everything sex-related, men and woman alike, nothing before YN had ever made him out of control with his arousal like she does.

It’s a mixture of what a minx YN is, her natural sexuality and attractiveness, that she’s undeniably one of the most beautiful woman on this earth, and the fact that this woman was his wife - his property, the mother of his children.

From riding him in the back seat of an armored car after he just robbed another gang blind to surprising him at the warehouse in just a scrappy little piece of fabric.

Harry always thought before YN, even though he had never planned on doing any of it in the first place, that he would never marry or have kids because that would take all the sex and excitement out of everything.

Boy, was he wrong.

Harry’s puffy pink lips are parted, his eyes challenging as he expects her to demand his mouth on her cunt.

Instead, YN grips his jaw harshly and says, “I think sometimes you forget that you belong to me. You can’t just do whatever you want, when you want.”

“Oh, believe me. I know I’m yours, brat,” Harry tries to chuckle, he’s not giving up dominance this quickly and tries to make her even more irate.

“I think I need to remind you,” YN hums with a small smirk as she tightens her hold to the point his jaw is aching and so is his cock.

Before he can give a smart ass response, YN is leaning over and spitting right into his mouth before she forcefully closes it and whispers, “Swallow.”

And Harry doesn’t even think he’s been this close to coming untouched in his jeans, ever, something about it makes him feel fuzzy.

Harry swallows without hesitation, he’s fucking panting with his turned on he is, and it just gets worse (or better however you look at it).

She rubs her thumb across his lips, murmuring, “Always such a good little slut for me, huh?”

YN notices the glazed over look in his eyes, that his a bit in his own world as he stares at her in disbelief, she feels her own sense of shock when he whispers quietly, “Again.”

“Again? Where are your manners?” YN titters, pushing her thumb past his lips and pressing down on his tongue until he lets his mouth open again.

“Please,” He adds on, his hands squeezing roughly at anywhere he can reach - hyper focusing on his favorite spot, her little pouch of skin on her belly where she housed his two babies.

Quickly, YN’s hand moves to knot in his hair and pull back hard, making his head jerk back and expose his throat, Adam’s apple bobbing, “Please what.”

Harry’s very is nearly shot when he gasps out lowly, “Ple-please spit in my mouth.”

YN smiles devishly before cooing condescendingly, “Anything for my husband. Fucking desperate for me, aren’t you?”

She does the same action again, closing his mouth, and pressing her fingers against his throat to feel him swallow.

“Fuck you,” Harry bites back weakly with the haziness still floating behind his eyes, he was desperate, he needed to fuck her.

“Fuck me?” YN teases meanly, walking her fingers back up his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake as they trace his skin, “I don’t think so. You look like a subby little mess, begging me to fuck you.”

Something has Harry snapping out of the submissiveness, probably the taunts and degradation - that he loved by he didn’t want slow and long sex, he wanted it hard and quick right now.

YN yelps in surprise when Harry pushes her hips back, hard against the wall, and rips her sleep shorts down her legs before his hands are twisting in the skimpy fabric of her underwear and ripping them seam by seam until they fall limply to the ground.

His hand comes down to smack at her folds, the sharp, cold metal of all of his rings making it sting even more then he’s using his index and thumb to spread them before landing a hard slap right on her sensitive bud.

“Think you’re so tough,” Harry laughs cruelly, his fingers coming to pinch and roll her clit between them, making her muscles twitch at the acute pain that fizzles into pleasure, “Seem to be forgetting that I turned this slutty, big bad stripper into a housewife with two little babies who look just like me.”

“You’re so fucking full of yourself, dickhead,” YN tries to sound tough but her words taper off in a moan when his teeth graze at where she’s most sensitive before lapping firmly at her entrance.

“You’re gonna be full of me pretty soon,” He counters wolfishly against her before getting back to work - she tasted so good that it made him feel thirsty for it.

YN regains a bit of her mind, hand in his hair and pulling him closer to her center, holding him steady as she rides down on his tongue with a moan of relief.

“Seem to forget that you were never going to get married before me but you got down on one knee. Never gonna have kids but begged to get me pregnant as soon as your realized you wanted them with me, hm?” YN reminds him even though his mouth is occupied and her first orgasm crashes over her as he lays his tongue flat and allows her to buck on it at her own speed - it’s impressive she could speak.

He’d make sure she was stuttering by the end.

Harry stands up as soon as she rides out the final waves, his hand moved to his belt and then to his zipper, “Of course, baby. S’cause I’m in love with you.”

YN eyes twinkle at that, she leans in for a kiss but Harry shoves her back against the wall, adding on, “Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fuck you up a little.”

YN loves any opportunity she can get to be difficult and noncompliant which means she slips out between him and the wall - quickly tossing off her shirt as well.

However, he is nothing but prepared for his wife to be a menace, he grips her by the ponytail, wraps it around his fist, and pulls her back into his chest.

He then moves quickly to use his other hand to collar her neck as his lips move down to her ear, “Why don’t you just be a nice little obedient wife, yeah? Do what your husbands says for once?”

“Don’t act like you don’t get hard when I’m a brat,” YN grits out, the small sparks of pain felt amazing - her husband always knew the right amount to not actually hurt her but border on the edge before bringing her back.

“Pretty much everything you do gets me hard, darling,” Harry chuckles before he’s letting go over her neck and reaching for something that she can’t see, “Give me your hands, now.”

She does, but it’s not easy, she manages a nice puffy raised mark on his arm from her nails dragging roughly on his skin.

“You think you’re cute,” Harry murmurs, menacingly low and soft, then it’s a long moment of silence before his hand is coming down hard on her bum.

YN makes a squeak of noise between a moan and a protest to submit, she was so fucking soaked by this point - inner thighs wet and folds shiny from his spit and her arousal mixed together.

“I was out because I work hard to provide for you and our babies,” He continues on, wrapping his belt skillfully around her wrist until she’s completely bound by the expensive leather, “And you got the nerves to scold me when I give you everything you want. Spoiled little princess is what you are.”

“Fuck you,” YN gasps when his palm comes down again on her same cheek, in the same spot, but she is still pushing her backside into his pelvis.

“Oh, I can feel how much you want to,” Harry replies nonchalantly, hands roaming her stomach before ghosting against her core but not giving her anything of substance, “I think I deserve a little attention, no?”

YN bites the inside of her lip to stay quiet but Harry just laughs, “Now you want to shut up? Stay right here.”

It’s one thing YN doesn’t like is to be left alone when she’s floaty and hazy, a jolt of panic shoots through her and the playing is off.

“H,” YN says anxiously, lips turning down as she tries to reach out for him.

Harry recognizes the difference in tone instantly, striding back over with a soft expression and connecting their lips before reassuring her, “Never leave you, my love. Just going to get a toy. Okay? Never let anything happen to you. I’m the only one who gets to hurt you.”

YN’s eyelids flutter as he bites at her bottom lip before disappearing into their massive walk-in closet and she hears him rustling through the drawers.

He comes back with a hot pink toy, it sits snug inside her core while the external nub stimulates her clit in short bursts.

Harry manhandles her onto the bed where she’s sat at the edge, he kicks her feet apart, and kneels in front of her.

His sparkling green eyes meet hers to check and whatever he sees in her warm eyes makes him sure she wants this too.

He thumbs her open before carefully pushing in the toy, fixing it flat against her nerves before stepping back.

“Now this is a nice view. My desperate little wife spread like a slut for me,” He acknowledges in approval before he’s shimmying off his jeans and briefs to show off how hard and ready he is.

YN watches intently as he steps over to the large lounge chair in the corner, dragging it over so it’s right in front of her and sits down.

He first leans over towards her, she is anticipating his touch, and he reaches behind her head - slowly tugging her hair out of the ponytail.

Then he takes the elastic and ties his own hair up in a fluffy bun ontop of his head, he smirks when he sees her thighs clench.

“Since you want to be ungrateful for all the hard work I do for you,” Harry drawls casually as his hands start to slowly trace up his own thighs, feeling himself out, “Just take care of myself then.”

He knows YN absolutely hates when he touches him without her, it sends at hot thrill up his spine at how possessive she is over his body.

“Stop,” She manages to raise her voice in frustration, wrists trying against the belt but it’s just chafing her skin.

“Sit there and be quiet,” Harry orders with a sharp edge, his fingers dancing along his hard shaft, just teasing himself.

When he catches her squeezing her thighs together for any type of friction, he kicks her ankles apart, and gives her a dark look of warning.

“If you come on that toy, you’re not coming again for a week,” Harry tells her as he leans forward to flick the toy on and send vibrations through her core.

She squeezes her eyes shut so hard she sees stars as the intense pleasure wrecks her body, thighs struggling to stay open.

“Watch me,” He barks in annoyance, “Open your fucking eyes and watch me touch what’s yours, brat.”

YN blinks her eyes open, watery and fluttering as she’s stimulated physically and visually as her husband’s tattooed hand wraps around himself and gives a slow stroke upwards.

“Asshole,” She bites out because even when she’s feeling subby and floaty, she’s unwilling to fully cooperate.

“Yeah?” Harry hums with a sleazy, crooked smile as his pec muscle twitches, his pattern of strokes was lazy and tight, “If I’m such an asshole, why’d you marry me?”

“Only for your cock,” YN hisses with fire in her eyes when his other palm comes to cradle his balls, thumbing gently over them.

“That’s a shame. I married you ‘cause I’m in love with you,” He tells her in a moment of seriousness, his eyes tracing over her trembling body - tits jiggling from her quick panting, belly soft from where she homed their babies, “And your perfect, wet cunt.”

“M’close,” She slurs out in frustration, trying to focus on not coming but the toy is unrelenting and he looks so fucking hot, especially when his abs are flexing with effort to not thrust into his hand.

“Should I let you fail? Or should I help you out and fuck you,” He questions as he pumps himself in now rush, he was dripping down his length and she wanted it.

“Fuck me, fuck me,” YN rushes out pitifully, she was deep into her subspace - something she never experienced before Harry.

Harry lunges forward, off the chair and on top of her, pushing her back onto the bed where he’s reaching down to flick off the toy and pull it out - not before bringing it up to his lips and sucking on it.

“Y’taste like a dream,” He murmurs before tossing it to the side, he’s kneeing in between her legs and hiking her thighs over the crook of his arms to raise her bum off the bed.

YN let’s out a loud mewl when he finally slides inside and fills her up to the brim, pausing to let her feel him before pulling out only to slam back in.

His hand comes to cup her breast, ducking down to nip and lick at her nipple as he fucks in with such strength and force that she’s scooting up the bed.

“On me, H. Want you on me, please want it,” YN whines nonsensically but he somehow knows exactly what she means and he drops her legs to move.

“Okay, baby, okay,” He puts his elbow on either side of her head and lays down on her, carefully balancing his weight, and her legs come to wrap around his narrow waist as he thrusts in.

Her arms go around his neck, whimpering as she begins feel herself contracting around him, it makes him growl in delight.

“Give it to me, brat,” Harry encourages as he leans down to kiss her, tongue pushing past, and dancing against hers as their chests press together, and she lets go.

She knows there’s tears streaming down her face as she lets the ecstasy flow through her veins and her stomach tightening before she’s goes weightless against the bed.

He’s right behind her, speeding up until the headboard is hitting the wall, and burying himself deep when he finds his own end, and he’s just praising his wife.

“So fuckin’ good for me. My good girl.”

“Best cunt on this earth, can’t get enough of it.”

“So in love with you it’s stupid. On my knees for you.”

“You fuckin’ own me, baby.”

“Love when you give me your tears.”

He’s rolling off of her to grab a warm rag, wiping it across her forehead and her splotchy cheeks before running it up sensitive core to clean where she’s dripping from him.

YN is sore and tired when he finally slips into bed next to her and pulls her tightly into his side as his hand runs up and down her bare back.

“You know I appreciate everything you do for us and the babies,” YN mumbles shyly into his chest - she had no problem choking him out but when it camas to feelings…sometimes it was still hard.

“I know,” Harry replies simply because he does know, he knows his wife just missed him, and it was stressful having twins to take care of, “I’d work my ass off for you and the babies even if you didn’t appreciate it. I love you.”

Harry’s concerned when he doesn’t hear a reply but looks down to see her eyes shut and her mouth parted as she breathes evenly.

“Fuckin’ brat,” He chuckles fondly before flicking off the lamp and passing out too.

972 notes · View notes

sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

Note

i hope the new trope is baldrry 😍😍

Get off my blog rn

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sweeetcreatvre · 3 years ago

Text

Two Little Chances

prompt (from kofi commission): Gang!Harry owns my heart. I love the smut and his filthy mouth but I also love the sweet side of him when it comes to his babies. I would loved to see how gang!Harry would react to olive asking him to go to the daddy daughter school dance ☺️

word count: 8k+

warnings: mentioned of childhood neglect/trauma (could be trigger, read w/ caution)

if you liked please reblog, recommended, like, and come talk to me about it! (this is what motivates me to continue writing)!

i write for FREE - I am also trying to steer away from paetron so everyone can have access my stories - so if you would like to support my work, you can donate here.

*** <- click for visuals

Harry was the furthest thing from religious but he religiously swore up and down from the time he was a young adult that he would never have kids.

He would have rather died than been responsible for a small human who would rely on him for everything until their eighteen.

He was a product of fucked up parents, he understood the damage he could cause to an in innocent child by how he himself was raised.

Harry wasn’t responsible in the least when it came to most things, however, he was a scholar at protection to prevent pregnancies.

Never once, despite how high or horny he was, did he ever forgo a condom because he didn’t trust anyone, especially the women who insisted on him putting it in bare.

However, he always promised himself he would never be in a relationship - let alone get down on one knee and propose like every other person on the planet.

He had a huge house that he never planned to share, he never imagined little feet scurrying across the pristine hardwood floors or a squeaky voice begging for him to pick them up.

It’s not that he hated children, that wasn’t it but he didn’t want to risk putting a child through the same thing he went through.

Though he could guarantee his children would be fed, clothed, and safe - he knows he could never emotionally meet a child’s needs.

He doesn’t cuddle or use a soft voice, he has demonic and horrifically gruesome tattoos from his temples down to his toes.

Then he met YN, the woman who managed to wrap him tightly around her fingers and have a chokehold on him that made him irrevocably hers.

Though he’d never admit, he wonders if he saved all of his love for her - as absolutely corny as that sounds because he never felt love before her.

Well, he supposes when he was young, he loved his parents desperately to no avail and at some point, he realized that love doesn’t matter and it’s best to not feel it because it only hurts you in the long run.

She made him act straight stupid because he was so head over heels for her - he’d just about, scratch that, he would do anything he asked of her.

Harry started to have the dreams of one of the many spare rooms in the house becoming a playroom filled to the brim with toys he’d never gotten as a child.

He knows YN would make the best mother possible but Harry just didn’t know if he would make the father his children would need him to be.

It starts popping into his mind during sex, they’ve been going bare since their wedding with YN on the pill but he’d always been careful to still pull out just as an extra precaution.

When she’s laid out beneath him, hair splayed on the pillows and tears running down her cheeks from how many times he’s made her come - he wildly starts to think about not pulling out, about making it catch and making her full of his baby.

It starts to cross his mind nearly every time they have softer, more intimate love and she’s kissing at his neck as he thrusts in, murmuring how much she loves him and what a good husband he is.

He doesn’t bring it up, he pushes it down, and focuses on work - he doesn’t deserve a baby, he doesn’t deserve that love he hasn’t ever earned.

As Harry leaves the house, the floorboards protesting under his boots - at eighteen, this was the last time he’d ever step foot in this house.

He hadn’t been here since he ran away at fourteen but it was still just as it’d been with family portraits of fake smiles and even faker people, the cupboards empty of food but bountiful of cheap liquor and expired cans of soup.

The accelerant was strong, making his eyes water as he trailed it from kitchen through the living room, where all his traumatic childhood memories lay dormant but still under the surface like a cancer.

After opening the front door, nail marks from when he was younger and quite literally tried to claw his way out of the home that was more like his prison - he flips open the matchbook.

He flicks the sparking stick into the house, letting it connect with the dangerous chemicals before a flurry of flames begins to erupt through the house.

He ignores the screams of help, just like how his were ignored when needed saved the most - he felt nothing as he disappeared into the night.

Harry knew then and there, as he heard the fire engines began to wail as they rush past him as he strolls casually down the sidewalk that he would ever, ever bring another life into this world.

YN has been skittish all week and Harry took notice almost immediately - she’d been keeping to herself and not outwardly harassing him which isn’t like her.

He knows something is wrong when she doesn’t show up for their planned meeting which she was needed as the decoy to distract the leader’s men.

“We can just go on without her, we can still get this meeting done,” Niall tells him, sipping on a gin and tonic as they glance around the room for eavesdroppers.

“Absolutely not,” Harry bites back, placing his own glass down onto the table in front of them and slipping out of the booth, “I have to go check on her.”

“Man, so much has changed since you met her,” His best friend replies, the words weren’t unkind or have any bite behind them but he still takes it defensively, of course he does.

“Watch your fuckin’ mouth,” Harry warns in a dangerously low bravado as he flashes the chrome weapon on his hip, “If you had a girl like mine, you’d do the same. You just keep hooking up straight twos. Find yourself a ten, then you’ll understand.”

When Harry gets home, the house is unusually quiet - usually his wife is either blasting a horror movie through their surround sound or playing soft music through the speakers in the ceilings.

He tracks her down upstairs, she’s on her laptop - sitting in the middle of their bed and scrolling down with her mousepad.

“Brat,” Harry frowns as he takes in the scene, she isn’t even prepared to go out - still in the pajamas he’d left her in hours ago with a messy bun atop her head.

YN is surprised by his sudden appearance, shutting the laptop quickly as a knee jerk reaction before looking up at him.

All the insecurities begin to rush through his mind.

They shouldn’t but they do.

With how fast she’s closed her laptop lid, she was definitely hiding something from him - that’s where he becomes irrationally angry because he values truth the most in a relationship.

His negative inner thoughts begin to question

Is she looking for a lawyer to divorce you?

Was she talking to another man?

Is she hiding things because she doesn’t trust me?

They’re all just his anxiety speaking, they’re in a very, ridiculously happy marriage, YN is in love with him - she would never leave or cheat on him.

He wishes he could talk himself down but his chest is heaving and his teeth are clenched, nearly grinding against each other to keep himself at bay.

“What the fuck are you hiding?” Harry accuses instantly, wishing he would have went about it a more constructive way - he’s still working on his healthy communication skills.

“Nothing,” YN lies quickly, swallowing harshly and tucking the laptop under her thigh like if she hides it - he will forget about it.

“Nothing? Then why on earth did you just slam that laptop closed hard enough the screen probably shattered,” He demands as he storms over, he knows he shouldn’t be raising his voice but he’s full on panicking.

When he goes to grab the computer, she attempts to block his hand but he’s stronger and quicker - he manages to snatch it from under her.

“Harry, I’m asking you now to stop,” YN says firmly, her eyes extremely serious and lips tight as she flares at him, “You’re invading my privacy and my boundaries if you open that laptop.”

“You shouldn’t have anythin’ to hide from me. I’m your husband, am I not?” He should listen, he shouldn’t shut down her very reasonable request but he is shaking with nerves.

“Har-“

He lifts the lid of the laptop until the screen is lighting up and creating a bright cast against his face as it comes to life.

It’s open on the internet browser with multiple tabs open.

It’s a parenting blog.

How To Discuss Having A Baby With Your Spouse

The other tabs have similar titles

Healthy Conversations To Have About Having Children

Helpful Tips for Family Planning Talks

How Do I Tell My Husband I’m Ready?

The hurt and embarrassment is apparent across YN’s face as she watches Harry’s reaction before she’s darting to wipe a tear from her cheek.

Harry can barely process what he just read because now he completely feels like an shit husband and really wishes he would have listened to her.

“I hope your fucking happy,” YN bites out angrily, trying to conceal the sobs bubbling up in her chest at being caught when she was already feeling so vulnerable.

“I’m sorry. Can we -“ Harry begins, suddenly feeling helpless as he watches his wife slip off the bed, disappearing into the closet to change out of her pajamas before storming out of the room.

Harry follows her, right on her heels, “YN, will you just stop for a bloody minute so that we can talk?”

“Fuck off,” YN dismisses as she snatches her keys off the entry table to the car that’s parked in their governor’s driveway.

It makes his heart twist, for who they were as people, they really didn’t fight much but usually it was over stupid things that could be solved with an apology or make-up sex.

It wasn’t going to work right now.

“Where are you going? I need to make sure you're safe,” Harry goes to grip her wrist but she pulls back and gives him a scowl.

“I’ll be fine,” She snaps as she opens the car door, slipping in and slamming it shut behind her - she hated being vulnerable, even now she struggled and needed a lot of support and encouragement to open up.

She couldn’t be vulnerable in front of people when it was like what just happened in their bedroom - she felt the need to escape.

“Fucking hell,” Harry shouts when she peels off out of their driveway, impatiently honking at the guards to open the gates before she’s speeding off.

Harry instantly radios his men, “Follow her, not too closely. Just keep an eye on her and make sure she’s safe until she returns home.”

Harry knows better than to go around smashing shit because that will make her even more cross if he breaks an expensive vase or one of her home decor items.

Instead he goes to the gym, beating the bags until his knuckles are cracked and bleeding, until he can barely catch his breath, and he has to blink sweat out of his eyes.

His wife wants a baby?

They had never talked about it, well Harry had made it very clear from the time they met that he had no desire to be a parent.

He clearly remembers telling her once he’d rather take a bullet to the head then be responsible for a child’s well-being.

YN never said either way, it never came up and it was most definitely a discussion they should have had beforehand.

It broke his heart that she felt like she needed to research how to have the conversation with him, though he doesn’t think there’s an article on how to ask for a baby from your gang leading husband who has no empathy but that you're the only exception to that rule.

He hadn’t told her that he’d been thinking the same thing as her, the thought of having kids was something he had to keep pushing down because he couldn’t let himself think that way.

But Harry would give YN anything she wanted.

If she wanted to be a mum then he was willing to push everything aside to give her what she desired - even though it wouldn’t be the best situation if Harry wasn’t as committed.

There were so many different scenarios, thoughts, fears running through his mind because when he looked introspectively on himself and dug down past the trauma of his childhood.

He wanted a baby.

YN comes home after about two hours away, his team had kept him up to date that she had just went to the mall and walked around with a iced coffee.

Harry is waiting when she comes into the kitchen, her face puffy and swollen from the amount of tears that have been shed.

“Darling,” Harry murmurs as softly as possible, he takes a chance in opening his arms and she eyes him warily for a moment before stepping into them and burying her face in his shoulder, “I fucked up. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have looked. We can talk ab-“

YN pulls back, tired and anxious, she interrupts him with a shake of her head, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Harry frowns, thumbing away her tears, “It’s okay, brat. We can have a conversation about it. I’m not mad or upset or -“

“Can we please drop it?” YN bites out with a higher-pitch than usual, she takes a step back and has a firmer, more tense expression, “It was stupid. I know you don’t want kids. I don’t know why I was looking that stuff up. It’s fine. I just want to forget about it.”

Then she’s turning on her heel, right back out of the kitchen and for a moment, Harry’s worried that she’s going to leave again but he hears stomp up the stairs towards their room.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Harry hisses through his teeth, he isn’t thinking clearly when he picks up the cookie jar that sits in the middle of their island and throws it against the wall.

He watches as it shatters into minuscule, sharp pieces that he's going to have to clean up so YN doesn’t accidentally step in it.

He doesn’t want to forget about it.

Harry wants to make his wife happy.

He’s royally fuck up by assuming she wouldn’t want children either despite her never making any comments that she wouldn’t want kids.

They’ve only been officially together for a few months but Harry realized that he possibly may never get enough of her.

It’s why he has her pressed up against the wall of his foyer, her leg wrapped around his hip and his hand gripping her jaw harshly as kisses down her neck.

“Gonna give it to me right here,” Harry hisses when her fingers knot and pull his long lock enough for his scalp to sting with pinpricks of pleasure.

“Stop talking and fucking do it,” YN taunts haughtily, mumbled a bit from his hold on her but she rolls her hips forward to meet him.

As soon as he has her dress off and she’s bare for him, he reaches over to a small decorative box in the entryway table where he stashed a few condoms for this exact situation.

He growls in frustration when he realizes he never refilled it after snagging the last foil the other night before chasing YN down the hall to the kitchen where he’d spread her out on the island.

“Son of a bitch,” He snaps as he wracks his brain for where there could be other ones that were the closet to him.

“Come on,” YN complains as she leans against the wall, her hand coming to rub at herself since Harry was distracted, “I’m on the pill.”

“No, I need to go get one. Just hold on for a fuckin’ minute,” Harry demands as he begins to walk towards the stairs.

“Why? I’m clean. We have been exclusive. Unless you’ve been fucking other people behind my back,” YN had a bit of a bite to her tone as she scowls at him, moving her hand to her hip.

“Jesus Christ,” Harry groans, shaking his head, “You bloody well know you’re the only one get my cock. I’m not risking knocking you up.”

“That appalled by the thought of it?” YN purses her lips, crossing her arms and fuck, she looked so gorgeous with her tits propped up like that.

“Not because of you,” He disagrees, pausing on the second stair, “I’d rather wrapped my cock every time I fuck until I’m ninety than have a little spawn of me.”

Harry, at the time, misses the emotion that flashes across his girlfriend’s face when she asks, “You never want a baby?”

“I’d rather you put a bullet between my eyes before I have to be responsible for another human.”

It’s bad timing.

Harry had a long day of shipments to fulfill at his warehouse with his men.

YN was still asleep when Harry had left but in the mid afternoon he sends her a text.

Hi darling. Would you like to swing by for a lunch date?

Her reply is short, to the point.

I don't feel like coming out. I’ll see you when you get home.

“For fucks sake,” Niall finally groans, wiping his brow with his shirt sleeve and leveling his boss up with a intense glare, “You’re always a douche but you’re being a fucking cunt today, Styles.”

Harry had been a nightmare all day, his men were more on edge than usual as they worked around their miserable boss.

He already shot the ground near two of his employees feet for fucking up before he’s literally knocking them out of the way to do it himself.

Harry made Niall redo his packages three times before they were perfect enough for him, getting increasingly irate and demanding with each order.

“Mind your own fuckin’ business,” Harry barks at him, swallowing harshly as he places multiple packages of annunciation in a crate, “I don’t pay you to bitch. Do your fucking job or leave.”

Niall, just like YN, sees past the harsh exterior.

“I’m here if you want to talk,” Niall shrugs, unbothered by his volume as he checks off his notes on his clipboard.

“I’d rather off myself than discuss my problems with you,” Harry retorts meanly before he’s slinking off to his office and slamming the door shut - ringing through the concrete building.

It’s been eating him alive.

It’s nearing one in the morning, he’s exhausted, and just wants to be home with his wife instead of with his men.

It’s just Niall and him, sitting in his office they await the confirmation that this shipment was successfully delivered to the dock.

“YN wants a baby,” Harry admits lowly, not looking away from his phone but it’s him giving Niall the bait to have a meaningful conversation.

“Let me guess, you already knocked her up,” Niall snorts playfully as he puts down his clipboard to look at his boss.

Harry frowns, biting at his lip, he doesn’t know how respond because it’s not true.

“Oh, come on. No offense boss but you’re absolutely whipped for her. I’ve never seen anything like it. I know you wouldn’t turn her down if she asked you to her pregnant,” Niall responded before sipping on his soda, most likely spiked with some type of liquor to keep him awake.

“M’not whipped,” Harry flat out lies as he avoids making eye contact with his friend.

“I’ve known you since you were seventeen. You swore up and down you would never settle down - managed to stick to that for nearly a decade. Then you met YN and literally proposed within a year, moved her in with you within six months.”

Niall can’t help but tack on, “Plus you cried when she walked down the aisle.”

Harry bares his teeth at him, forehead wrinkling, “I told you, a bug flew in my eye or somethin’. I wasn’t fucking crying.”

He was totally crying when she walked down the aisle.

“So what I’m getting at is…I couldn’t imagine you saying no to giving her a baby,” Niall continues with an edge of sincerity.

“I can’t give her one,” Harry whispers under his breath, “I want to. I really want to. I can’t do that to someone else.”

“You do realize that just because you had a shitty childhood doesn’t mean you couldn’t give another person a good one.”

Harry shutters, he hates that his chest feels heavy and he wants to cry but he holds back, like always, “I think…I think I’ve always wanted one but convinced myself it wasn’t the right thing to do.”

Niall smiles softly, “Maybe it wouldn’t have been the right thing to do in the past. You’re happily married with despite how crazy your relationship is, I know it’s healthy and you would love any child that came into your life.”

“I don’t think I deserve a baby,” Harry sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face and ignoring the way his voice cracked.

“What would you do if you had a kid and someone tried to hurt them?” Niall prompts.

“I’d kill them before they would even think about touching my child,” Harry responds instantly, an automatic answer.

“What if you had no money and your kid needed food?”

“I’d rob any store I’d have to, to make sure they’re fed. I’d never let my kid go hungry,” Harry tells him, he remembers starving and he would never let that happen to his child.

“And tell me how you think you wouldn’t be able to care for a child? It’s innate in you, even if you don’t see it. I know you’ll be protective as shit, never let anything bad happen.”

Harry’s snatching his keys off the desk, shoving a file towards Niall, “I have to go. Make sure the shipment gets delivered and text me.”

Niall nods, glancing through the paperwork, “You got it, boss.”

“And Niall, if you tell anyone about this conversation, I’ll beat the shit out of you,” Harry warns but there’s a odd sense of gratitude like he’s really saying thank you in a fucked up way.

Harry finds YN in their kitchen, leaned over and resting her elbow on the counter as she flipped through a recipe book while something sizzled on the stove.

She was barefaced, in a soft, comfortable looking lounge set, a bra and little boxers, the small barbells from her nipple piercings visible against the thin fabric.

And to be honest, unlike most men in the world, Harry would take his wife dressed like that than when she would be in sparkly lingere with caked on stage makeup.

She was beautiful both ways but knowing that Harry had tamed this feisty, klepto stripper who had men throwing thousands at her for a twenty minute private dance.

Now she was looking up ways to ask for a baby as she cooked dinner in their house.

Harry never thought he’d like domesticity but it was the safest and happiest he ever felt -this wasn’t how he grew up and he knows for a fact that YN and Harry will never turn into what his parents were.

“Can I come with you, mumma?” Six year old Harry whines as he stands on their porch, watching his mother lug a suitcase into the boot of her car.

“I’ll just be gone a few days. There’s cereal in the cupboard, I think…You’ll be okay, don’t use the stove,” His mother dismisses as she slams in shut, a cigarette hanging out of the side of her mouth.

“Mumma, please,” Harry had begged desperately, tears streaming down his cheeks and making him hyperventilate as he chanted, “Mumma, Mumma.”

His mother didn’t even spare a glance back, slipping into the driver's seat, and peeling off out of their driveway.

Later that night, the front door opens, and Harry bolts to the door, hoping his mother had come back for him but it was his father.

“Daddy,” Harry cries, reaching for him and being met with a hand against his chest and the strong smell of liquor.

“Fuck off, kid. I just forget my wallet,” His father bites back, irritated and annoyed before the front door slams again and he’s left alone.

Always fucking alone.

YN’s eyes move from the pages of the book to meet his, a dullness behind them and she looks exhausted even though she had a lie in that morning.

The timer goes off which breaks the tension for a moment as YN moves around playing the food before sliding a serving of Alfredo in front of him.

“I think I always wanted children,” Harry starts bluntly but he’s avoiding eye contact, staring at his plate - he’s no longer hungry, “But I didn’t deserve them. I’m not a good person and I’d just hurt them.”

YN frowns but doesn’t speak.

“I know I’d never hurt them, physically harm them but emotionally I didn’t think I had the capacity to take care of a baby,” Harry swallows, palms rubbing at his eyes as he pushes back the tears, “But then you came along and just…fucking change everything for me. I never wanted the things before that I want now.”

“I want a bloody Christmas tree with stupid ornaments. I want to go grocery shopping with you, I want everything with you.”

“I can’t…I can’t lose you. If-if I’m a shit father, you’ll leave me and I won’t survive. I can't disappoint you. You’re the only thing that matters to me.”

YN steps over to him, doesn’t trying to move his hands from his face but peppers small kisses all over his forehead as her hands weave in his harm, pulling his head against her chest.

“I know how having a fucked up childhood ruins so much. I can’t do that to another child,” Harry sniffles, aggressively wiping his tears on his sleeve, “But I want to be someone’s dad. I want that so much but I’m so fucking scared.”

“You know I would support you through anything. You always know at the end of the day, I would never let anything happen to our children. We’re a team and having a baby would not be any different,” YN soothes softly, lips brushing against his skin to ground him as he shutters.

“I want it,” Harry admits in a mere whisper, “I’ve shoved the idea down for the last decade and it still keeps popping up. I want us to have a family. I want to make you a mum.”

“There’s no rush,” YN assures him, thumb running along his cheekbones to wipe the tears that had fallen silently.

There wasn’t a rush but also as soon as Harry had it in his mind that he deserved a baby, he was feral and pulling out every stop to knock up his wife.

Whether it was calling her to the warehouse under the guise that he needed help and then railing her against a wall.

Or spooning up behind her in the morning, slowly pushing in and his large palm splayed against her belly, begging her to make him a dad.

It’s insane, the stark and severe change he had made.

-Five years ago -

Harry had been determined, he had a personal vendetta against this high-class businessman who had tried to snitch on Harry’s operations, and it was his ultimate goal to end his life as soon as possible.

It was just him and three of his men who snuck up in the house that night.

“Stay back, I’ll signal if I need you,” Harry orders as the sound of him cocking the desert eagle echos through the quiet night.

He creeps up to the home, it was a typical out-skirts of London family home - bigger than the normal suburbs but not necessarily a mansion.

Harry peeks into one of the windows, ready to break it with his elbow when he sees the scene inside - it was the man but it was also his wife and three small children.

Three boys, they were climbing all over their father as he wrestled with them on the ground, all of them giggling and squealing in delight as the wife recorded their play on her phone.

Harry curses under this breathe before retreating the woods where they were waiting, “He doesn’t seem to be home. Let’s head out.”

The men don’t argue but Niall gives him a sideways look because he’s been the one to do the surveillance on the house.

Later on that night when it’s just Harry and Niall in the warehouse, Niall puts down his beer and says, “There were kids in the house, weren’t there?”

Harry avoids eye contact, suddenly interested in cleaning his gun, and kisses the back of his teeth, “I’m not a fucking child killer. I wasn’t going to do that.”

Niall shakes his head, huffing out a chuckle at finding out that he’s right, “You have the most precise shot in England. We both know you could have killed him without taking any of the children with him.”

The gang leaders doesn’t respond, brows furrowed and his teeth grinding against each other as he tries to remain calm.

“You’ll be a good father one day,” Niall shrugs before cracking open another beer and chugging it like it’s water.

Harry’s taken aback by the comment, his next words spoken through his teeth, “I would rather off myself than have some leech that needs me for at least eighteen years. There’s not point in having children. They’re a waste of space.”

Those words were easier to bark out than thinking too hard about it.

He wasn’t going to admit his deepest insecurities to Niall and tell him,“ I don’t think I deserve it because of the trauma I endured and I worry about not being able to provide the love a child needs.”

Harry wonders that night, as he sleeps alone like he has his whole life - never once having slept next to another human - if he will forever hide behind this exterior.

No, telling him to fuck off is way easier

What a miserable existence.

— current day, twins are five —

Harry hasn’t slept alone in nearly ten years.

Sometimes he misses it - especially when there’s a foot smushed against his cheek and an arm over his forehead as his child snuggles his fucking head of all things.

“Didn’t know m’eating feet for breakfast,” Harry rasps sleepily as he playfully nips at the toes near him before he hears a squeak and the foot is being pulled away quickly.

“No daddy!” Olive giggles cutely before testing her father by putting her foot back - yelping in fun when he nips them again.

“C’mere, sweet girl,” He hums, unraveling her from above and pulling her down against his chest, brushing her curls from her eyes, “Did you sleep okay?”

Harry knows he fucking didn’t.

He would sleep on a bed of needles if it meant his babies slept good.

Olive smiles widely, her sharp white baby teeth showing before lisping, “Yes. Can I have strawberries and we watch toy story?”

Harry tries to bite down his disgusting fond grin as his daughter stares down at him like a replica of green eyes and curls but a million times more gorgeous.

He loves her so much.

Harry knew he was a good father.

Any doubt that he would be went out the window when the babies were placed in the crooks of his arms and he knew that he would die on the spot for either of them.

That feeling has never faded.

He thought he would not feel a connection if he had a baby, there’d be no emotional attachment but when he looks into her eyes - he feels the deepest, purest sense of love that could exsist.

Harry use to identify his job as his purpose, his purpose was to make an excess of money, fuck as many people as he wanted, and kill those who get in his way.

His purpose now was his wife, his babies.

He was now driven to make sure that these little humans are always safe and that the person who created the humans would be too.

Harry thought he loved YN as much as possible before the children but it’s almost as of his heart grew to accommodate more love.

As he watched the doctors deliver those squirming, slippery babies - Harry was full-on sobbing, not silent tears but crying so much he couldn’t catch his breathe and see out of his blurry eyes.

His wife gave him this. He couldn’t never repay her for a gift like this but he could try by being the best father he could be

“Mm,” Harry considers it as it daughter waits for the answer anxiously , “I think we can do strawberries and toy story. Probably not the whole movie, daddy has to go to work.”

Daddy has to go ‘talk’ to some people about a missing payment.

“No, you stay home,” Olive states firmly with an angry pout, eerily similar to her mother.

Harry leans forward and kisses her forehead, “You sound just like your mother. It explains why m’so wrapped around your fingers. I do have to go though.”

He thinks that will be that but when he moves to shuffle her off his chest, she begins crying pathetically - thick, fat tears starting to stream down her cheeks as she shutters.

“I-I d-don’t want you to leave,” Olive stutters between choked sobs as she wraps her arms around his neck and digs her face into his tattooed neck.

And that’s all it takes for Harry to break.

He has to push down flashbacks of him begging his parents not to leave - he can’t control that but he can control how he responds right now.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. Daddy will always be here for you,” Harry hums into her hair, hand rubbing at her shaky back as her sweaty face nuzzles into him, “You’ll always have me. I will always make sure you’re safe.”

Olive nods to let him know she heard him, still whining but not full fledge crying as she speaks into his warm skin, “I love you.”

Harry’s breathe gets caught in his throat nearly every time his little girl tells him but right now he feels the prickles from his eyes.

“I love you so much. Always be my little girl, no matter what,” He promises as scoots them off the bed and lets her cling onto him as he walks them down for breakfast.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. Tomorrow is Olive’s father-daughter dance at preschool,” YN brings up as she holds the top of a sharp knife from their butcher block to his chin.

“Mm, can't go if I’m dead, darlin’,” Harry drawls unbothered, he didn’t even really comprehend what he said because he had purposefully come into the kitchen to rile her up so she would do something like this.

“I can arrange it,” She hisses as he grinds his hips forward to let her feel how much he wants her, “You are such a masochist.”

“Lies,” He smiles crookedly before in a blink of an eye, he knocks the knife from her hand and takes it, using the blunt edge to her cotton short and cutting the side until the fall, “Now hush and bend over, sweetheart.”

YN brings it up again later on as she sits on their bed folding a massive mountain of baby clothes and towels as Harry walks in from checking on them as they sleep.

“Make sure to cancel that meeting tomorrow,” YN reminds him as she stacks the items nearly back into the basket.

“Why would I do that?” He replies as he tugs his shirt over his head, tattoos abs twitching as they flex, and YN can’t help but admire his body for a moment.

“Olive’s dance, Harry,” YN huffs out with annoyance, “I told you earlier in the day.”

It jogs only his moms but he furrows his brow, “Know you can’t tell me anything important when I’m about get my cock wet.”

Her face twist in disgust before she’s rolling her eyes at him, “You’re a pig. I have a cute dress picked out for her.”

Harry is staring at himself in the mirror with a serious contemplative facial expression, his eyes tracing his tattoo on his temple, the tattoos that run from his neck down, his long curls that sit neatly on his shoulders.

“M’not fuckin’ going to that,” Harry scoffs sharply, trying to brush off the insecurity that creeping up his neck at the thought of Olive being made fun of because he looked different.

All of her classmates' parents dressed business casual, styled hair, crisp clothes with no wrinkles, and uninked skin.

Then there’s Harry who wears ripped black skinny jeans, loose button ups that aren’t nearly buttoned enough and show off his chest, hair that’s unruly and long, and not to mention that he was inked from his face to toes.

Men feared him, women wanted him, and children were downright terrified of him except for his two who adored him.

Harry’s brought out of his thoughts when YN wraps her arms around him from behind, lips brushing his bare shoulder, and hands rubbing at his sides.

“You know you have every right to go. Just like any other dad. Since when did you care what people think of you?” She murmurs, the teasing tone was now soft and concerned as he leaned back into her touch.

“I don’t care what people think ‘bout me,” Harry shakes his head, his hands moving to cover his wife’s and hold them against him, “I don’t want her to get judged because of me.”

YN makes eye contact with him through the mirror, “She would be judged harsher if her dad didn’t show up than how he looked.”

And Harry didn’t want to admit it, but she was right.

The next day, Harry’s nervous as fuck, and could barely sleep because he had never had to do something like this before.

He’s working out in their gym to try to get rid of the anxiety, doing bicep curls when Olive wanders in - still in her pajamas and sleep matted curls.

“Daddy,” Olive lisps as she wanders over, “I have something for you.”

Harry drops the weights, wiping the sweat off his brow before squatting down, “You got somethin’ for me, darling?”

“Here,” She says quickly, pushing a velvety box into his hands.

“What is it? Hm?” Harry shakes it like he could tell what it was but Olive giggles and pushes him to open it quicker.

When he opens the box, he reveals pair of shiny silver cuff links one with the initials OBS and the other BVS for his children’s initials. ***

“Will you go to my dance with me, daddy?” Olive asks him hopefully, forest green eyes sparkling and bright as he tugs her into his chest.

“Of course, my love. Anything, anything for you,” Harry tells her, kissing her forehead and clenching his jaw to bite back his emotions.

He could have never been more wrong.

Harry has never been so glad he was wrong.

He had so much emotion and love for these little humans that his heart could burst.

Harry ignores the eyes that glare at him as Olive leads him by the hand into the gymnasium where the party is set up.***

Olive pulls them over to a group of her friends who have wide eyes as they spot Harry who’s she’s tugging in tow. ***

“S’your dad a villain like from avengers?” A little girl asks with confusion as her eyes dart up at Harry - he has to bite down a smile.

Olive crinkles her nose, “No, he’s a good guy!”

Now Harry really wants to laugh.

Later on, Olive and her friends are dancing to some atrocious kid’s version of popular song so Harry ventures over to the drinks - pouring himself water from a pitcher.

A hand squeezes his bicep and his eyes dart to the side to see one of the ‘chaperones’ making it very clear she’s checking him out.

Harry takes a step back out of her reach.

“Hi! Didn’t mean to startle you. I’m Lisa, Kylie’s mum!” The woman introduces with a wide, annoying smile that takes up her whole face.

“Harry. Olive’s father,” He replies blandly, looking around her to check on his daughter as she twirls around.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I had the er…please of meeting your wife last week,” Lisa responds hesitantly, her voice telling her that she indeed had not.

“She can be a bit protective of the kids,” Harry shrugs fondly, wishing that this lady would leave him the fuck alone.

“She threatened to ‘fuck me up’ if Kylie didn’t stop pinching Beau,” She replies, the smile now gone and her lips firmly pressed together.

Harry gives her a crooked smile because he loves his wife so fucking much.

“And I would have bailed her out jail for fucking you up. Don’t let your bratty fuckin’ kid think it’s okay to put their hands on my children,” Harry snaps back, now on the defensive.

Lisa is absolutely appalled by his words but they’re interrupted when Olive wraps herself around his leg and nuzzles her nose into his thigh.

“M’tired,” Olive whimpers to her father, her curls stuck to her neck from where she was sweating from dancing so much.

“I’m sorry, it was lovely talking to you but Olive’s ready to go home. She’s on a routine, sounds like your kid needs one,” Harry remarks before he’s hiking her up on his hip and turning on his heel.

Olive’s eyes are drooping by the time she’s buckled into her car seat, even Harry’s vehicle sticking out like a sore thumb.

Even though she’s nearly asleep and not listening, Harry kisses her nose and runs his thumb across her cheek one.

“I love you, sweet girl. Never knew I could love this much. You and your brother are the best thing that ever happened to me and Mumma.”

Buy me a coffee? Thanks for reading 😚

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