sweenebt-blog-blog - Tumblr blog

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Glass Eye

Carrie: Oh my God, I just told my father I hated him. I'm the worst daughter in the world.

Doug: Come on, it wasn't that bad.

Carrie: Really?

Doug: I gotta level with you, it was the worst thing I've ever seen. And I once saw a guy chase his glass eye down a flight of subway stairs.

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Leap of Faith

Doug: You have never taken a leap of faith for me.

Carrie: I married you what do you call that?

Doug: Uhhhh, HITTING THE JACKPOT!

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Know what else is prepaid? Your ticket to hell because you are a devil woman!

Doug Heffernan

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Jehovah's Witness, now they give you milk. Like that's going to turn me around.

Arthur Spooner

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Ok you wear a bra that opens in the front but you are not a slut...right!

Doug Heffernan (to Carrie when they were dating)

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Woodstock

Holly: You were at Woodstock?

Arthur: Yes I was. It was a beautiful three days of kicking hippy ass!

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Kohler, Kohler, has an impacted molar.

Doug Heffernan

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Names

Carrie: Oh my god do you remember their names?

Doug: I want to say Helen and Stanley...

Carrie: Those are the Roper's. Why didn't you pay attention!?!

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Yeah, and I need this tattoo to be temporary. What is that? A turtle eating an apple?

Doug Heffernan

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Well, don't invite them to the Olive Garden...that's my thing.

Doug Heffernan

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That Dutch Boy knows his way around a can of paint, you know what I'm saying?

Doug Heffernan

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....And that's how we learn. 

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Thunder Road

Doug: Did that sound like the beginning of Thunder Road?

Spence: Last time I heard Thunder Road I didn't want to kill myself, so I'm gonna say no!

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No longer being Mastercard's bitch...PRICELESS!

Doug Heffernan

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Believe me they would understand they almost got divorced over a question on Card Sharks.

Doug Heffernan

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It's called the lean and squeeze. If you were in the industry you would know that.

Denise 

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Your first delivery is to Shut It Up Industries!

Doug Heffernan