I don't really know how to express my feelings so I guess the best way is to just write. I won't go anywhere with this, or maybe I will help myself . You know that feeling when you are just not in the mood for anything or anyone, you just want to leave, go on an airplane to an unextisted place,to breathe, not going over every single problem, just to explore new places, New people. I want to escape, people say they know me, but I don't even know myself, I need to find who I am, explore the inner me,find out the things I'm capable to do, how much I can cry and how much I can laugh. I want to find love, show that person everything I can do, to receive a hug when I need it, to not cry on my own, to know I'm there for you too. I would love to tell my story, but I've been disapointed so many times I can only tell myself my own story. One day I'll read this again, and think, god, I'm only fucking 15 and I feel like I know everything in life, I know I don't know anything, that's why I need to leave man, I need space, find new people, fall over and laugh but guess what? I'm just sitting on a sofa, waiting till next day to fucking microowave my brain for what? For nothing, to live in this shit society that does nothing to fix anything. To drown myself in alcohol while my "friends" think I drink for fun, I fucking drink to forget everything,to not think about nothing and even so, you roast me while I'm drunk. I sleep a lot, I would even say I do it too much. The thing is, when I sleep, I don't think, the more I sleep the less I think, it's the best way for me to try to be normal while people think I'm just lazy.
Im freaking out still. I dont understand how a person can do this, in a concert, a Ariana Grande concert, with children,like, more than a half of the #arianators are under aged and they died yesterday. It's so heart breaking. You can't even go to a concert to have fun with out being scared any more. All my love to Ariana and Manchester #prayingformanchester #prayforarianators