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sweetlysniffly · 20 hours ago

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Stolas is so Aziraphale coded here I’m living for it tbh

Adjustments - Hel/luva Bo/ss

right so this one's been written for aaaaages but I didn't post it cause that would have fucked up the reading order BUT

part seven of the oneshot series YAY

This one is the grand crossover between Haz/bin and Hel/luva for this series, but in a bit of an unexpected way - it shows a different perspective of the first instalment of the series (aka the news report bit)

I'm really proud of this one

quick word of warning: I projected my own tendency to catastrophise and jump to the worst case scenario onto St/olas, and his thoughts spiral a little. Nothing too dark, but wanted to give a heads up anyway

In which a disgraced ex-royal and a professional assassin fumble their way through the morning together - with a fair amount of emotional comfort.

Stolas awoke on the couch, still in the same sitting-up position he’d been in the previous night when he’d drifted off next to Blitz while watching Little Shop Of Horrors. The imp was still snoring gently at his side, curled in on himself, his loose pyjama T-shirt falling off his shoulder.

He gave a soft yawn that immediately flickered out as he began to hitch.

“Nhh- hi’ihh…”

Stolas pressed a hand to his beak in an attempt to hold back the sneeze he could feel coming; he didn’t want to wake Blitz, he was so cute when he was asleep—

“Hh-! Hnkk’gtch- Oh- hih- oh, no… Nngk’tchh, EhhGKT— H’mmgtsh-TSCHhh!”

Stolas tried to piece together his symptoms - he couldn’t recall ever having woken up like this. Aside from the sneezing - which was rather becoming a nuisance in itself - the back of his throat felt irritated, and all four of his eyes watered with itchy tears. His head was also beginning to hurt, though whether that was due to him stifling, the stress he’d been under lately, or something else entirely, was unclear.

He considered getting up and escaping to the bathroom; he could feel the burning itch flickering to life again, and he truly didn’t fancy his chances at staying near-silent. But apart from this mysterious ailment, whatever it was, he was quite confortable here. The blanket was soft, and Blitz’s sleeping form next to his own was pleasantly warm—

He gave a random shiver, and it set his mind racing.

Am I feverish? Stolas wondered, eyes widening with a creeping sense of impending doom. Would he even be able to tell if he was?

He vaguely remembered having seen a thermometer in a medicine cabinet in Blitz’s bathroom, and now he really was thinking he should just leave the couch to check his temperature - besides, even being next to Blitz was probably a terrible idea if he was ill, how would an imp like him cope with a Goetic sickness, if that was what this was? What would become of his business if he couldn’t work?

Oh, Satan, what would happen to Loona if—

Mercifully, his frantic spiral was interrupted by a barely-audible hitch, as the sudden, urgent need to sneeze struck him.

He gasped quietly for another reason altogether when he felt Blitz adjust his position as he slept, nuzzling in closer to him with a faint hum of contentment.

If I move now, I’ll wake him, Stolas realised, I’m trapped.

“Hhuh… hgh…”

Stolas buried his face into a corner of the blanket, pre-emptively praying to the stars for forgiveness - not that the stars would notice the hopeless case of a powerless Goetia, damned to some dreadful illness at the hands of hellish karma—

“Ihhgk’nnxtt! Hh’ngktch—uh!” Stolas’s head dipped forwards before immediately beginning to rear back again with a series of short, increasingly vocal hitches.

“Ih’hhHIDTshhiew! Ohh…” Stolas sighed, downright furious with himself.

Blitz stirred, and Stolas felt his heart leap to his throat.

“Mnh… Stol’s, wut time’ss it…?” Blitz asked groggily, opening his eyes and turning his head a little.

“Oh- um,” Stolas started, trying to stave off the itching - and the wavering, fearful tone in his voice, “It’s, erm… a little af… ahhfter nine thi- hihh-! thirtyyYISH’ah! Oh, pardon me, Blitz, I- ihh-IETCH’hoo! Goodness… Did I wake you? I was try- heh- trying to be quiehheht… ’TSHhhiiue!”

“Damn you,” Blitz pushed himself into more of a sitting-up position to get a better look at the owl, who had a distinctly nervous expression on his feathered face, “Feelin’ okay?”

“I’m… really not sure,” Stolas admitted with a sniffle.

“Right,” Blitz stood from the couch, stretching his arms up as he yawned, and turning to give his tail room to stretch behind him, “I think I have a can of tomato soup or somethin’, but I don’t have any of that fancy tea you had at the palace…”

Blitz rubbed at his nose, a confused expression crossing his face as he walked to the kitchen.

Stolas bit back an anxious hoot as Blitz stopped in his tracks completely, chest rising and falling erratically until…

“Huh— EITSCHh’uhh! Fuckin’ shi- hiehh… HIY’IESHhh-ah! Whew, random…”

“Oh, damn you da-ahh- darling— Ihhk’tchhew! EhHIH’KTCHhhoo! Ugh… shit,” Stolas groaned, feeling drained by how forceful his sneezes were getting - but the tight knot of concern for himself and his beloved remained steadfast in his chest.

Tell him.

“Blitz… I think I may be dying,” Stolas murmured, and Blitz turned his head to face him.

“Hmm?”

“I’m dying!” Stolas cried, “And I’m worried about you!”

“Whoa, there, cool it,” Blitz said, taking a few slow steps back towards him, “What makes you think that?”

“I- snf- I woke up, and- IHhhk’tchhih! Pardon - the back of my throat feels strange, and my eyes are watering- snff, and my beak itches like anything, I’ve been… nhh-hHIH- No— IHHKTCHhhiew! ’TSHhhhiw! Nghh… Doing that since I woke up,” Stolas explained, wrapping the horseshoe-patterned blanket around his shoulders for comfort, “I don’t believe I’ve ever felt so wretched… what if it’s something to do with my power being taken? What if it’s a curse, or some kind of punishment, or- ihHehh- Oh, lords, not agai- hihh-! Ighk’TSCHhh! Eh- hH… TISHhhhiue! KTSCHhh, IETSHhh- hHHh… huh- Ah-! Ahht’shhHOO! Oh- sndf- oh dear…”

“Jesus, damn you,” Blitz said, “Look, I’m sure it’s - it’s nothin’ to worry… hh- about…” he trailed off, brow furrowing in mild irritation, before a sharp gasp from him made Stolas’s heart sink.

“EISCHhh- Hh… Huh’EHTsh’hew! The fuck is wrong with me today…”

“Oh, Blitz!” Stolas began to weep, bowing his head, “At least- snff-! If this is the end, we- hih- we get to- hehH- to die in each other’s ahhrms—” his voice pitched higher, trailing off towards the end into an airy sort of whisper, and a few ticklish-sounding sneezes.

“Fuck…” Stolas’s voice broke, and tears spilled from dimly-glowing, scarlet eyes.

Something in Blitz twisted and melted at hearing the owl’s shaking, muffled sobs, interspersed with miserable-sounding sniffles.

Knowing that it was concern for Blitz’s own welfare that had brought Stolas to tears cast a strange overtone of guilt onto the feeling. Barely there, but it tugged at Blitz nonetheless.

Mingled in with all that was a note of apprehension. Stolas was a lot of things - emotional and melodramatic at times, but above everything else he was smart. It made sense for him to be knowledgeable about stuff like this, and Blitz couldn’t shake the feeling that the ex-prince might be right. After all, he’d also woken up that morning with an itching at the back of his sinuses that burned like fucking hellfire, and his eyes were a little teary.

I do not have time for this bullshit, he thought to himself, I have work tomorrow.

It was weird, though - his head wasn’t pounding like it normally would be if he was sick, and he didn’t… feel particularly off.

Waaait.

Blitz ran through a check-list in his head.

He didn’t feel feverish, or chilled for that matter.

His muscles didn’t ache - his neck hurt a little from having slept on it wrong, but that was fairly normal for him.

His throat… well, it had been scraped a little by his loud, harsh sneezes, but it didn’t hurt to swallow or to speak.

But then, what the hell was—

The realisation careened into him with the force of a wet towel dropped from a height.

And for a moment, all the imp could do was laugh.

“Blitz, I hardly thigk this is a laughi’g mbatter,” Stolas said, sounding dreadfully stuffy by now. He was still anxious, but there was definitely a slightly cross look on his face that hadn’t been there before, “Sndff— Ugh… We’re both done for, and it’s all my f- hh… fauhhhlt—! hih’Nhh-! IGT’shhhiew, ’KTSHhhieh- hHH-! Igkt’ISHhhoo! Mmnh…”

“Stolas, what in the entire fuck are you talking about?” Blitz cracked a smile, “We’re both gonna- huh- Gonna be fi-hhihne… Heh’EHDTShah! Hh’ECKTSHh-huh! This is normal. Snf, annoying as fuck, but normal.”

“Pardon?” Stolas blinked.

“Right… Shit, I really don’t know how to explain this…” Blitz scratched his head, “I am gonna run and get tissues - we’re gonna need ’em - and you are gonna try and calm the fuck down, and then we are gonna watch the news together. Trust me, the reports on this are always hilarious…”

Stolas didn’t say anything, mostly because he was simply too perplexed to form sentences. Blitz returned with a box of tissues from his bathroom - and not a moment too soon, it seemed, as Stolas immediately plucked one from the box and raised it to his face, breath hitching wildly as his eyes squeezed shut.

“Bli-hiihhtz- ih’iehh—? HKTSHh’ew, IKSHhh- uh-huh-! NGKTCH-hew! IDTCHhhiew! IEK’TSHh-ooo! Oh, by the sins…” Stolas stayed bent forwards for a few seconds before straightening, “Is, erm… is this what it’s like for you every timbe- snff-! Do excuse me, dearest.”

“Yeah- huh- ohChristonafuckinsti- heh’ahht—! Huh’DTSCH-uhh! Motherfuck— Eh’EYSH’hue! Welcome to my world, birdie…” Blitz gave a wry smile, taking a tissue and giving a rough-sounding blow into it, “And you’re excused.”

He turned on the TV, rolling his eyes when the bleached-blonde walking disaster that was Katie Killjoy appeared on the screen.

“Can’t stand this bitch’s voice,” Blitz said, “You watch the news often?”

“Not really, no,” Stolas answered, “I suppose I never really needed to…”

The ticker-tape along the bottom of the screen read Breaking News, Shit’s Fucked! - and Katie looked as though she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Granted, that wasn’t unusual for her, but there were visible tears in her eyes, and she seemed to be putting most of her energy into keeping her voice from shaking.

“Good morning, Pentagram City! Some of you are probably wondering wh- hh- what the fuck’s going on today, and why you feel like your airways are on fire. Well, the good news ih- is, you’re probably not sick - not physically at least, you… hhH- You weirdoes. Bad news is, no-one can fi-hihhgure out why this shit ha… hah- happens- hHIGT’shhew! Ihh’gkkt-shhiew! Ugh, fuck, I- Ehhgt’shhih! Heh’IGKTT-shew!”

“I think I should— Aeh’HTSCHhoo! Snf, oh, God… I might just—” Tom Trench, the short man in the gas mask, tried to cut in, but Katie all but shoved him out of frame.

“Cut the goddamn camera!” she demanded, “Let the— IEKKTchh-ew! Let the tech-head ha- ahh- handle it- ihhIKTshew—!”

Mere moments later, the glowing, rectangular face of Vox appeared on the screen, wearing a picture-perfect-politician smile that made Stolas groan in a sort of pre-emptive misery; he could already tell he didn’t much like this man.

“Most of you probably know the drill by now,” Vox started, “But for anyone who doesn’t, listen up.”

Blitz subtly side-eyed Stolas, who rolled his own scarlet eyes in reply.

“Hell has a very fucked-up weather system. The Pentagram’s best scientists have been studying it for - zzt- for years… The storms, the heatwaves, all of it’s random - hzt- and unfortunately what’s going on right now is pa-–—”

“Is he… lagging?” Stolas looked mildly confused as Vox stood there, unmoving.

“Give him a sec,” Blitz said, shrugging, “This is gonna be good.”

“—part of it, sorry. For lack of better- hht… Better words, people end up having allergic reactions for- hzzt… For no reason. And because it’s a part of the weather cycle, meds aren’t gonna do jack-shit, unless your aim is to get too high to be mad about it.”

This made Stolas chuckle a little in earnest.

“T—zzkt- thankfully, it ihh… It- huHTZZZKT! IHtzzzZSH’uh! Ugh, dammit… It isn’t life-threatening, just- hHZzt… KZZzzschtt-TZSHhuh! Fucking annoying.”

“I’m not sure what I was expecting,” Stolas began, “But ihht-KTCHh’hiue! Pardon - it certainly wasn’t that.”

“Hh’huh—! hZZZKGT-! EYKzZCH’huh! F-fzzh— hHZZTT—— IGK’zzsh- TZZSH- GKT’zzshh!” Vox’s sharply angled frame was bent forward, his screen glitching with every sneeze, “F- zzzktt—!For God’s sake- KZZZXTT—! Cut to comme-hehh- commercial— hHHTZZZSHHHDT-! Augh, fuck!”

Stolas let out a high, hooting laugh, that made Blitz smile in turn.

“What’d I tell ya?” Blitz chuckled, “These pricks can never finish the report, it’s gold. Basically, though - random curse in Hell, and unfortunately for us, allergy meds don’t do shit against it. And you seriously never had to deal with it before?”

“No,” Stolas replied, “But I suppose— HhIGKT’chhew! ’TCHhhiiew! There’s a first time for everything, hmm?”

“Lucky bastards,” Blitz muttered.

Stolas reflected that he and the other Goetia truly were blessed, in a strange way - though a more villainous part of his mind imagined how Andrealphus or Stella would fare if they had to suffer through this.

“I thought you would’ve read about this in one of those fancy-ass books,” Blitz raised an eyebrow.

“One would think, yes,” Stolas sighed, remembering his grand library, “My parents didn’t keep books about the, ahm…”

He paused, knowing there wasn’t really a non-offensive way to say this. Remembering the friction that had arisen between them before when class differences were addressed.

“You can say it, y’know, I won’t get mad,” Blitz shrugged.

“Lesser demons,” Stolas finished, the words coming out like they’d had to be fished from his throat, leaving a sour taste on his tongue.

“That sucks,” Blitz pointed out, though in his mind, he was grabbing Stolas’s bigoted asshole of a father and wringing his scrawny feathered neck.

“It… rather does, doesn’t it?” Stolas tilted his head to one side.

Then turned to Blitz when he noticed the sound of his breath hitching, and the half-muttered curses that accompanied it.

“HEY’ISHhhew! Hahh- AHDTSCHhhue!” Blitz snapped forwards, before throwing his head back in frustration.

“Damn you,” Stolas pressed a gentle kiss to the imp’s forehead, making Blitz giggle.

Blitz raised his head to return the gesture, gently kissing right above his lover’s beak.

“Ih- hihh… TCHhh-! ITSHhh! Nh- Ehht’ISHHhoo! Oh- snf… You absolute rapscallion, Blitz…”

“You love it,” Blitz’s lip curled into a grin.

“I do,” Stolas replied, his voice low and sultry.

The two of them shared a passionate kiss in earnest.

Today was going to suck - but they had each other, and that helped.

#hel//luva//boss//#sto/las #snz fic #snz kink

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sweetlysniffly · 2 days ago

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just made a shitty short Millie and Moxxie wav… should i post?

#snz kink #unwelluva boss mi/llie #unwelluva boss mo/xxie

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sweetlysniffly · 4 days ago

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Day 4 of birthday sneezes:

youtube

Age restricted because I got a little vocal *cough cough*

CW: Moaning, hitching, whimpering, sneezes, nose blowing

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sweetlysniffly · 4 days ago

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reminder

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sweetlysniffly · 4 days ago

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my god i love when you can just tell how much someone's own sneezing is turning them on just by the way they sound

their usual sneezes may be nonchalant, quick, accented

but those moments when they're truly able to savor them & succumb to the decadence of their own build ups & releases...hanging on to every hitching breath & prickle that builds & builds...

that's when their sneezes are absolutely dripping in the sounds of their own pleasure

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sweetlysniffly · 8 days ago

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this is just me when I have a cold

I sing constantly.

sneezy karaoke .

,is this anything?

#it’s just me singing show tunes with my fall allergies

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sweetlysniffly · 8 days ago

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just reblogging these again cause they're absolutely insane

If either of them were to have the kink in a scenario, I usually give it to Sto/las rather than Bli/tz. HOWEVER… I’m gonna make a longass pitch for kink!Bli/tz:

(Specifically in regards to Sto/li/tz bc I’m smth smth Ma/ri/na and the D/iamonds “one track mind, one track heart” lmao)

Kink!Bli/tz sneezing around Sto/las:

He sneezes like once, and Sto/las does his whole overly polite, “Oh, bless you! Are you feeling quite all right, darling?” etc. and Bli/tz is just instantly flustered and trying to play it off like “yeah, I’m fine, Sto/las. What, guy’s not allowed to sneeze anymore?”

Basically. Sto/las is so polite and dramatic that he accidentally presses all the kink buttons for Bli/tz LMAO. It’s just Sto/ls yapping and Bli/tz d y i n g

God fORBID Bli/tz gets sick and Sto/ls takes care of him all like “hmm. You’ve been sneezing quite a lot today. Are you feeling all right? You’re not catching a chill, are you?” “Tsk… you do feel a little warm.”

And “awwwh. My poor dear,” “Bless, darling! Oh, and bless you again, oh my!” “We really must do something about that cough of yours, I don’t like how it sounds,” “Can I get you anything, darling? More tissues? Some tea? Anything at all that might help you feel better?” “Come here, darling, I want to check on that fever of yours… oh. Oh, dear. Well, that simply won’t do at all.”

And Bli/tz is just fucking melting through the floorboards, and is also particularly displeased at the more romantic than sexual emotions some of it brings because hey it’s. They’re not… like that… right?

Consider also: the classic thing of Bli/tz accidentally sneezing because of Sto/las’s feathers, perhaps while nuzzling into his chest while cuddling, but he tries really hard to not sneeze and stifles it when he does. And this bitch sTILL fucking notices, giggles a little, and goes, “aww, bless. Did my feathers make you sneeze, darling? How cute. Such a sensitive little imp~” and Bli/tz only says “yeah, yeah, fuck you” back, but he is in sHAMBLES. And wondering if the stupid fucking bird is doing this on purpose

The stupid fucking bird is, in fact, at some point, doing this on purpose, having picked up on it

Sto/las sneezing around Kink!Bli/tz:

Sto/las is also unfortunately dramatic about his own sneezes. All the long, drawn out, hitchy buildups. The airy, delicate sneezes that just look and sound so vulnerable? Somewhat prone to fits. Even a bit prone to false starts and stuck sneezes (absolutely agree w the fanning face hcs I’ve seen), depending on the circumstances. “Oh, pardon me,” “apologies, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” “sorry, pardon me again,” “ugh, bless me,” etc.

Unfortunately the type of bitch to announce too honestly. Just a “one moment, darling, I think I need to… h-hehhh! Snuhhh… s-sneeze— ihhhdtschieww! Ah, apologies! You were saying?” Has silly fancy handkerchiefs with starry patterns etc.

Like at least Bli/tz gets it over with fast, but he has to watch this motherfucker take fOREVER to slowly succumb to whatever random tickle or specific cause is getting to him and it is. Kind of torturous how fucking hot it is to him

I rly find the image funny of just like. These two at Sto/las’s library/study, sifting through whatever ancient Go/etic (Go/etian…?) archives, both in human disguises at an Earth library, around an allergen (I think it’d be particularly funny if it’s horses bc Bli/tz has such intense mixed feelings of oh no but I wanna be around the horses but also. I get horses aND SNZ???? Is it fucking S/insmas already???)

And Bli/tz just watches him slooowly start sniffling from the dust/other allergen or irritant. Watches him start rubbing a little at his beak here and there. And it really is just the embodiment of the “this is fine” meme LMAO. Blitz outwardly playing it cool, but internally his mind is just a constant “FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK” and just dYING of anticipation to see how it progresses

Sto/las playing into it once he realizes what’s up:

He absolutely plays that shit up as best as he can

One time while they’re in the bedroom, it’s some shit like “oh. Oh, dear, hold that thought for a moment—I think I might need to, um… hh-hiiih!… S-sneeze. My sinuses are feeling a bit itchy, but they seem to be being somewhat indecisive, despite being so ti-hihhhh! Tickly…hehh… ihhhh…! Hehhh—!… Ugh, this is starting to get rather frustrating… Would you mind trying to help me, darling? I know ihhh-it’s a bit of a strange request, but I really can’t quite seem to, uhhhhm… get it to stop being so stubborn.”

And Bli/tz finally sees through his bullshit and is like, “ohhh, you teasing mOTHERFUCKER” and practically tackles him back down onto the bed, pulling him close and kissing him deeply, before whispering in his ear, “I think we can… help each other out a bit.” Which has Sto/las’s heart doing an entire gymnastics routine

Sto/las is, and I cannot emphasize this enough, SO fucking down to indulge him however he might like. Like he gets to have something so easy and simple that just absolutely melts Bli/tz?? Something he hasn’t gotten indulged much before maybe?? Sign him the FUCK up

One time they’re in public at an event or smth trying to focus on smth or whatever and it’s not quite a great time to be particularly horny, but something is getting to Sto/las and he ends up trying to hold back sneezes, failing to do so, and being all:

“I really must apologize, darling, I know it’s not quite the, um, moment for this sort of thing. I really don’t mean to, ehm, get you so worked up. In fact, I’m trying not to, I just… can’t quite help it. I think it’s the-thuhhh… the d-huh! Dust or something… ugh, I’m sorry, I think I have t-to… hihhh! Hihhhdtschh’huuu! S-sorr—ihhhktschhiew! Sorry, I’m sorry.”

And that shit backfires IMMENSELY and Bli/tz is just a blushing, horny mess, telling him, “yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s FINE. Not your fault, just… shut the fuck up already. Don’t… apologize or, like… just stop talking about it so much, that makes it wayyyyy fucking worse.” “Oho, does it, now? I’ll have to keep that in mind for later~” “Oh, you better, but for now. Zip. It.” “Right, sorry.”

Sto/las, ever desperate for Bli/tz’s attention and affection, sending him texts like “I hope work has been going well for you today! I’ve just been stuck in rather boring meetings all day. The rooms they insist on having these discussions in are always so dusty, and, well, you know what that does to me… I’ll be out of the meetings soon if you might want to drop by? No pressure if it’s not a good time, of course—I just thought you might like to know.”

Also. Kink!Bli/tz being able to induce himself just by nuzzling into his lover’s feathered body is. Kinda hot imo

Now I’m. I’m just saying. They do um. Canonically engage in quite a bit of B/D/S/M and other interests. Now I’m just saying,,,,,,,, maybe some kinky inducing sessions in the bedroom + some B/D/S/M + maybe even some roleplay too~?

Bli/tz getting to tie his lover up and induce him with his own feathers? And Sto/las is SO into it too because he’s just really into turning Bli/tz on so much, plus maybe a degradation element t b h or just sub pleasing dom or, hell, you could even make a breathplay angle or an experimentalist or exhibitionist angle or whatever

I am always weak for a command to bless someone/oneself. Like a pointed “say it,” “tell me what I wanna hear,” “c’mon, be polite,” “be good for me, what do I like to hear?” or even just a “bless me”

Bli/tz caretaking when Sto/las is sick:

Bli/tz babying his poor, sick prince (especially when they’re in more of a relationship!), who’s mooooore than willing to play into his natural theatrics and whine all day about how dreadful he feels in detail. Being talkative and dramatic really does have its perks at times. And Sto/las would LOOOOOVE being taken care of attentively I cannot overstate that enough

“Heyy, pretty bird. How’re ya feelin’ today? You’re still not lookin’ so hot.” A kiss pressed to the prince’s forehead, between his top two eyes. “I’d beg to differ, knowing your interests~” with a giggle quickly devolving into a wet, rattling coughing fit, which immediately prompts Bli/tz to hold him and rub circles in his back. “You know what I mean. How do you feel?” “Sndfff… still quite dreadful, if I’m being entirely honest, darling. Worse than yesterday.”

“D’awwh, shame. What’s wrong?” while cuddling him, comfortingly running his fingers through his feathers. “Well, my throat feels like I entered a sword swallowing competition and lost horribly. All the coughing isn’t exactly helping to soothe it. I feel extremely fatigued and hopelessly cold, no matter how much I try to warm up, sndff, I just can’t seem to. I think that means my fever might have gone up a bit? And my sinuses are still very, very stuffy. Itchy, too. I’ve been sniffling constantly and sneezing practically every ten minutes.”

“Yeahh, that does sound really shitty.” “Yes, but ihh-it’s… h-hhiih…” “Awh, you gonna sneeze?” “M-mhmm—hiiiih! Hehhht’kschhhiewww! —ihtschhhiew! Huhhh… hhh’khitshhhh! Ughh, bless me.” “Yeah, bless you. You were sayin’?” all fondly with a kiss pressed to his hand.

“Hmm? Sndff. Oh, right. I was simply saying that it’s much, much better with you here. That is, assuming you do still want to… look after me…? I know it can be a bit, ehm… disgusting, I suppose? I wouldn’t want to—”

“Shhhh, shut up, Sto/ls. You’re fiiiine. I’m not going anywhere, ‘kay? I gotchu. Besiiiides, I don’t think you’re ‘disgusting’ or anything like that.” “No?” “No. You’re still my pretty bird, all right? And it’s, like, cute or whatever… seeing you like this. Wh— d-don’t look at me like that! Just… shut up and feel better.”

Just Sto/las with those heart-shaped pupils looking up at him with just the most content, loving smile, like just the happiest fucking prince you ever did see. So soft and happy to be taken care of. Affection? Comfort? Company? All of the above?? He’s THRIVING.

I’m getting off track here with the kink aspect but shhshhshhh a lot of us rly like caretaking for related reasons it’s fiiiiine it’s on topic enough kinda sorta

BUT. In any fucking post that’s sat in my drafts I have to bring up the image of like. Bli/tz cuddling a sick Sto/las or curled up next to him, purring like how cats sometimes do if their human is ill or upset 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 purring to comfort and help heal or whatever it was?

Just the fucking image of!!! Bli/tz laying over Sto/las protectively as they sleep because he’s worried about himmmm and he’s just purring till he falls asleep and throughout the niiiiight and like it’s really comforting and it honestly helps Sto/ls fall asleep and stay asleep toooooo and I’m so fucking feral over that it’s so fucking cuuuute

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sweetlysniffly · 9 days ago

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I’ve Got Headaches and Bad Luck (but they couldn’t touch you) (He//lluva Bo//ss)

title is from of all the gin jo/ints in the wo/rld by f/all o/ut b/oy i've been regressing into old habits recently. 3.9k

here's my next installment of "oh shit bee's physically and emotionally harming a He//lluva Bo//ss character" -this time with some drunk/sick Bl//itzø (i spell his name with and without the ø interchangeably teehee) because he is a pathetic wet cat of a man

tbh St//olas might be a little ooc mostly because i wrote him actually bickering back with Bl//itz instead of just. letting Bl//itz be a stubborn dick.

CW: for being drunk, no emeto or anything like that tho.

Stolas sighed, pulling his robe tighter around his shoulders. He looked out the window, seeing that it was still raining. He dropped himself down on the couch, pulling his long legs up to his chest. Stella had taken Octavia for the weekend, leaving Stolas alone in the palace until his daughter's return Monday morning.

He briefly considered starting a new book he'd been meaning to get to, knowing full well he didn't need to watch more TV, not with the whole weekend ahead of him. It's not that Stolas necessarily minded being alone, it was more that the mansion tended to exude a suffocating sense of loneliness, even before he separated from Stella. He briefly considered just going to bed, as it was already beginning to get late anyway. His thoughts of self pity were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing, which he very nearly allowed to time out before realizing it was a call from Blitz. The prince's stomach leapt to his throat as he grabbed the phone.

"Blitzy, hello darling!" He coos into the phone, smiling.

"Heyyyy, Stolas. You uh, you picked up, th's fuckin'... awesome..." On the other end, Blitzø's speech slurred. Someone's car horn honked in the background.

"Well, yes, of course I did. I always answer when you call. Is everything alright?" Stolas frowned, cradling the phone to his ear. Something about this wasn't sitting right with him.

"Uhh, kinda. Look, I wan'ed to jus'... ask you for a favor," he mumbled. Stolas heard a muffled cough and cursing, but his own heart swelled. Blitzø was asking him for a favor, calling him on his own will, allowing Stolas to be there.

"Oh, Blitz, of course! Anything you need, darling, just name it," the owl replied, perhaps a bit too excited, realizing this as he heard the imp groan quietly on the other line.

"Mmmaybe this wasn't a good idea. Fuck, sorry, Stols, I'm 'onna hang up-"

"No! I mean, wait, Blitz, don't... don't go. What can I do for you?"

Stolas heard another groan from Blitz's end of the line, but not the sound of the line disconnecting. The prince took that as a win as he listened, waiting for Blitz to speak again. There was another muffled cough, and then a heavy sigh.

"I uh... I went out 'nd got too drunk to drive home," he explained. "I would've gotten someone else but M & M are pro'lly fuckin' each other raw 'nd Loona... she's busy I can't bother her agai-"

"I'm on my way, dearest, don't you worry," Stolas said, cutting Blitzø off before he could finish. "Where are you? Is it raining there? Oh dear, you're going to need dry clothes if it is-"

"Pride, Stolas. 'm in Pride, Imp City, the part where all the fuckin' bars are, jus' use your dumb bird magic to find me or somethin'," Blitz said, somewhere between sounding annoyed and trying to calm Stolas' frenzied chatter.

"Oh! Yes, no of course, I'm on my way! Sit tight, darling!" Stolas said before hanging the phone up.

With a wave of his hand, a portal opened up in front of Stolas and he stepped through. He had to look around for a second before he spotted Blitz, sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, curled up on himself, seemingly protecting himself from the rain. The portal closed behind Stolas as he took a few steps, quietly approaching Blitzø as to not startle him, in case he hadn't noticed Stolas was there.

The street was fairly empty, save for a few imps walking on the opposite sidewalk. Stolas frowned, realizing Blitz was already soaked, like he'd been sitting outside for a while.

"Blitz?" The owl asked experimentally. The imp didn't move, but Stolas heard an incoherent mumble from where his head was tucked into his arms. "Come on now, dear, I'm taking you home," he tried, ignoring the way the rain had begun to tamp down the feathers on his head. He really should have brought an umbrella. There was no response from the other man, and Stolas let out a frustrated chirp, frowning at him. He watched as a shiver shook Blitzø's entire body and he huffed. Do forgive me for this, Blitzy, Stolas thought, leaning down and scooping him up.

Immediately, Blitz started squirming and stuttering out curse words, tail lashing behind him.

"What the fuck, Stolas?" he shrieked, obviously spooked by the sudden contact and trying to push himself away.

"I am sorry, darling, but you... you gave me no choice. You're getting absolutely drenched out here, and I haven't got the slightest idea why you'd call me and then ignore me whe-" Blitzø was finally still, and Stolas caught a sudden gray flush on his face as his eyes grew wide and he looked away.

Oh. He's embarrassed, Stolas realized a moment too late. He didn't really understand why, of course he was happy to help. But he understood how truly this type of thing had to be out of the other's comfort zone. He spoke again, this time quieter and calmer.

"Come now. Let's get you inside before you catch a chill, hm?" Another portal opened up, and Stolas stepped through, back into his bedroom in the palace. What he hadn't expected was immediate slurred protests from Blitzø.

"Th's isn't my fucking apar'ment, dickhead!" he complained, once again squirming in Stolas' arms. "I as'ed you t' take me home."

"No, you called and told me you were too drunk to drive yourself home. You never specified where you wanted me to take you," Stolas replied, carrying the imp to the attached bathroom.

"It was implied."

Stolas set Blitz down on the large counter by the sink, moving to find towels for the both of them. He was just about to open the closet when he heard a deep cough behind him. He frowned, twisting around to see Blitz burying his face in his hands, clearly attempting to muffle the sound. Quickly, he grabbed a towel, moving back over to the imp.

"I don't like the sound of that," the prince murmured, wrapping the towel around Blitzø. The imp scoffed, immediately trying to shrug the towel off.

"'m fine," he huffed, sniffling and shuddering as another chill took him by surprise. Stolas sighed, beginning to feel frustrated with this whole thing.

"Please keep the towel on, darling, you're shivering," the owl pleaded, wrapping it back around Blitz's shoulders, tighter this time. He used a different towel to begin drying himself off, fluffing the feathers on his head and chest to get them to air out and dry faster.

"No I am not," Blitz argued, his head rolling back slightly as he looked up at Stolas' face. "I feel warm... 's warm in here."

"That's because you're drunk, dearest," Stolas sighed, setting his own towel down on the counter.

Another shiver wracked Blitz's body, and Stolas' frown deepened. The poor thing's clothes were soaked, and based on that cough alone Stolas was willing to bet he was coming down with something - maybe had been for a while. A towel wouldn't be enough, he needed dry clothes, maybe a hot drink.

"Can I go home now?" Blitz asked, interrupting Stolas' thoughts.

"I hardly think you're in any condition to be left alone," the prince said, crossing his arms across his chest. Blitz groaned, rolling his eyes. "You really must change out of those wet things," he commented, changing the subject. He stood, thinking for a moment. "Hm... Stay here, I'll be back in a moment."

Stolas slipped out of the bathroom, first stopping to change out of his own damp clothes. Next, he moved to a drawer at the bottom of his wardrobe, pulling out a pair of pants that haven't seen the light of day in at least a year. They were too long, and shaped to fit Stolas' own legs, but he figured if he cut them they would fit just fine. The waist would be too large as well, but he figure he could cinch them with the attached string. He dug around for an old t-shirt as well, which would also be much too big, but would suit its purpose just as well.

Leaving the shirt and pants folded on the ground, Stolas quickly walked out of his bedroom to find scissors to alter the pants. Admittedly, it took him a little longer to find them than he hoped, but things were never where he remembered them being anymore. Hurrying back to his room, he heard grunting, and something like kicking as he approached. Pushing the door open, he saw Blitzø hanging off the railing of the balcony, struggling against slipping in the rain. He gasped, dropping the scissors and running across the room.

"What in Hell are you doing?" He yelped, eyes wide as he tried to figure out what to do.

"Ah, shit," Blitz swore, sighing and hanging his head. "Well I was leaving, but I guess not anymore." Stolas shook his head, reaching over the railing and pulling Blitzø back onto the balcony. "How many times are you g- hih- gonna- heh'tch! ah'CHhew!" Putting both hands on Stolas' chest, Blitz pushed himself away from the former, sneezing down towards the ground. The prince gave a surprised squawk, rushing back inside. "How many times are you gonna pick me up tonight?" Blitz sniffled and finished his question, his voice sounding noticeably worse than earlier.

"As many times as you give me reason to," Stolas deadpanned, carrying the imp back into the bathroom and setting him back on the counter. Stolas tsked, frowning as he wrapped Blitz back up in the oversized towel. "Oh, just look at you! You've gone and gotten all wet again, all while you're clearly already ill. Honestly, Blitz, what were you thinking?"

"Was just... gonna go home, I don't know." Blitzø shivered, suddenly feeling chilled and subconsciously pulling the towel tighter. "Probably sober enough to drive now," he added. He hiccupped, feeling a sudden dizzy spell, courtesy of the remaining alcohol in his system. "Probably."

"And how, pray tell, would you have gotten there? Your car isn't even here!" The bird huffed, the feathers on his neck raising in frustration. He took a deep breath, smoothing the feathers on his head back. He walked out of the bathroom, retrieving the scissors and clothes from the floor. Upon coming back, he made a rough guess as to how long the legs should be, cut the pants, and then refolded the clothes, leaving them neatly on the counter next to Blitzø. "Here. Put these clothes on before you freeze."

Blitz fought the urge to roll his eyes, breathing out through his teeth and flicking his tail.

"I don't need a fuckin' babysitter, you know," he huffed, teeth still clenched together, though whether it was from irritation or from stifling a shiver, Stolas couldn't tell. "'M drunk, not braindead."

"Really? Because with how petulant you're being I'd say leaving you alone would be a danger to others and yourself," Stolas quipped, hands on his hips, though he quickly removed them upon realizing he just felt like he was scolding Octavia. "I don't have to do this for you, you know," he continued, his tone coming out a bit harsher than he'd intended. Blitzø winced, and Stolas realized what that last comment sounded like far too late after it left his mouth.

"This is why I was just going to leave," the imp growled, pausing briefly to cough. "On top of my entire fucking life, I don't need you condescending me like I'm some pathetic lowlife. I already know what you think of me... Besides, I'm sure you have a million better things to do." He averted his gaze, something hot rising behind his eyes.

Stolas' eyes went wide, his mouth open as he searched for an appropriate response, or just any words at all. He stuttered, anxiously grabbing onto his own arms, guilt pooling in his stomach.

"Wait I'm sorry, I just- That's not what... I just meant that..." He closed his eyes, biting the lower side of his beak. He took a deep breath before he spoke again. "Please, dry yourself off and change into warm clothes. I'll give you some privacy, and when you're done... if you still would like to go home, I will take you." He took one last glace over Blitz, noticing how truly small the imp looked, drunk and tired and sick, wrapped in a towel made for someone nearly thrice his own height. Gaze trained on the floor, Stolas walked out of the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him.

Stolas sat on the end of his bed, waiting for what seemed like hours, for Blitz to emerge from the bathroom. He reminded himself to be patient, one just for him to dry off and get changed, and two, to give him time and space to actually be ready to walk out. He tapped his feet anxiously on the floor, wincing a little whenever he heard a cough echo from behind the door. After waiting for a while, he nearly jumped when the bathroom door finally cracked open. There was silence for a moment, before a sniffle and a heavy sigh before Blitz finally walked out of the bathroom.

"Blitz! I am truly sorry for how I spoke, you must know I didn't intend to come off the way I did," Stolas said, jumping up from the bed immediately. Blitzø's eyes remained fixed downwards as he swallowed, grimacing a little at the soreness, and reached up to swipe a wrist across his nose.

"It's... fine," he finally answered, wrapping his arms across his chest. "I don't really care that much."

"Oh..." Stolas hummed, expecting a little more of a response. "I see. Do the uh... pants fit alright?" he asked somewhat awkwardly. Blitzø rolled his eyes, but the way his feet shifted before he spoke allowed Stolas to see that he was loosening up.

"They're fine," he replied, before turning into his fist to cough, rough and grating. The prince cringed, the sound of it making his own chest ache in sympathy. The imp sounded incredibly congested, when he spoke, coughed, breathed, all of the above. Sighing, Stolas took a few steps towards Blitzø.

"Do you still want to leave?" he asked, quietly, in as gentle of a tone as he could. "You do sound awful, and I would really prefer you stay so I can watch over you. But if you wish to go home, I won't keep you here."

There was a brief pause, and Blitz wrung his hands together, clearly thinking of what to say next. His eyes flashed over Stolas' face, finding the exact, soft, doe-eyed expression he was expecting to see.

"What did you mean?" came his voice, quiet and hoarse. "Like, when you said that shit. About not having to... take care of me or whatever. And you said you didn't mean it. What did you mean?"

Stolas froze, caught completely off guard by the question. He took a breath, crouching down to be level with Blitz. He took a knee, tilting his head as he thought of a way to answer.

"I meant," he began, pausing to sigh, "that I am not obligated to care for you, Blitz. Everything I do for you is because... well, honestly, darling, it's because I want to. I picked you up this evening because I wanted to." Blitzø was quiet, his expression almost unreadable to Stolas.

"Can I-" the other started, dragging a palm down his face. "Can I stay? Just for tonight?" Stolas moved back a few inches, almost astounded at the response. His eyes flew open, white pupils appearing for just a moment. “Only cause Loona is out tonight ‘nd like you said maybe I shouldn’t be alon-”

"Y-yes. Yes, of course," he said quickly, biting back a small smile.

“And I am not fucking you, so help me Satan, if you get any ideas-”

“No!” Stolas exclaimed. “Oh goodness, no, of course not! I’d never- I wouldn’t- not tonight.”

They both stood there, silent, just for a moment, before Blitz sucked in a breath, covering the lower half of his face with his palm. Confused briefly, Stolas watched.

"heh... eh'Tchziew! heh'gzchEW!" The imp sniffled, scrubbing at his face as Stolas frowned, moving closer to him.

"Let's get you into bed," he suggested. "I'm sure you're quite chilled."

Wordlessly, Blitz followed Stolas to the latter's bed, climbing up, but sitting on top of the covers. He pulled his legs up to rest his head on his knees, closing his eyes. The prince sighed, watching Blitz. A shiver ran down his back, causing his spines to stiffen and the tip of his tail to flick upwards momentarily.

"Don't you want to get under the covers, darling? I can only imagine how tired you are." Blitz frowned at the suggestion, looking away.

"Not yet," he murmured. His body language was so different than how Stolas was used to seeing him. For once, Blitzø was quiet, save for his stuffy breathing. He was curled in on himself, rather than splayed out and demanding as much space as possible. It was incredibly out of character for him, and Stolas would be lying if he said he wasn't worried.

"You're hardly ever this shy," the owl commented, sitting down on the bed next to Blitz. He noticed as a gray flush began to creep into the other's complexion, dulling the red in his face. He would be tempted to believe it was from the alcohol, except he noticed the glassiness of his eyes, staring unfocused at the bed. "May I touch you?" He asked, carefully raising one hand.

"Are you actually fucking asking me that after I just told y-"

"Not for that," Stolas quickly said, shaking his head and laughing a little. "To feel your forehead, dear. You look... feverish."

"Oh," he replied blankly. Cogs seemed to be working in his head for a moment before he pulled his legs tighter to his body and swallowed. "Yeah, I guess, if you really want to."

With Blitz's permission, Stolas gently smoothed his palm above the former's brow. He resisted the urge to gently thumb the circus insignia there.

"You do feel quite warm," he noted, frowning.

"Hm. Tracks," Blitz responded, sniffling thickly.

Stolas frowned. He realized that he'd seen Blitz in various states of emotion, injury, sobriety, and even undress. But he'd never seen him ill. He had to admit, there was something almost endearing about it. It was clear from the imp's body language that he was starting to sober up. His shoulders set a bit more firmly, and he moved more deliberately. But despite this, the prince could tell his mind was fogged over by the illness. He got a glimpse into a more vulnerable side of Blitzø, one he'd hardly been lucky enough to see.

"Moxxie was right," Blitzø mumbled, breaking Stolas out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry?" Blitz sighed through his teeth.

"Moxxie... he was right," he repeated, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Don't fuckin' tell him I said that. I don't need that shit going to his head."

"Right about what?"

"He told me to go home. And I didn't listen because I- You know, it's nothing it's just... It's stupid. Let's just drop it. I shouldn't have said anything." He rested his chin on his knees, coughing into the back of his wrist, chesty and rough.

"No! It isn't stupid," Stolas tried. "Talk about it. If- if you want to."

"I fucked up today, alright?" Blitz snapped. "I had one fucking job and I screwed myself. Missed our only opportunity to complete a job, and I lashed out."

"Blitz-"

"And Moxxie, Christ, he- you know what he did?" Blitz was nearly shouting now, straining his already painful sounding throat. "He stood there and he fucking took it! I said some fucked up things to him today, Stolas. Millie and Loona walked out, Satan knows they're both probably still pissed. But Moxxie he just... he just let me yell at him. He let me be so awful to him. Why does that piss me off so much?"

Stolas watched as Blitzø sat up straighter, his shaking hands held in front of him as he spoke. The prince swallowed hard, trying to ignore the wetness that had suddenly risen to Blitz's eyes, threatening to roll over.

"Why does it make me so angry? Why didn't he fight back? And at the end he fucking told me to 'go home and get some rest' like nothing happened! After all of that, after how I fucked up the job and took it out on him, he was still worried about me. And I really fucking hate that. So, even though he told me not to, I went out anyway. Drank too much. Now I’m… here." He looked for a moment as if he was going to say something more, but he quickly clamped his mouth shut, turning away from Stolas.

"It's oka-"

"Don't," Blitz cut the other off before he could even start. "Let's just leave it." Stolas took a deep breath, before nodding in agreement.

The two demons sat in silence for a while, Stolas worriedly listening to the other's shaky, congested breaths. A sharp hitch came from Blitzø, and Stolas snapped his head up, only to watch as the former buried his face in his hands.

"hah'dtSHue! Oh for f-uhhck's sake- eh'gZCHew! Goddammit," Blitzø huffed, scrubbing at his face and sniffling. Stolas now couldn't help himself from laughing a little, clapping a hand over his beak. "Something funny to you, bird brain?" he asked, which only made Stolas laugh harder, quiet joyful hoots slipping out. Blitz rolled his eyes, huffing dramatically.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, dearest," the prince giggled, easing out of his laughter. "I don't mean to laugh, you're just... adorable." Blitz's eyes flew open a split second before he scoffed.

"It's not so cute when you're the one sneezing," he retorted, sniffling for punctuation.

"No, I suppose it wouldn't be," Stolas said gently, resting a hand on Blitz's knee. "How are you feeling?" I don't mean to offend, but, darling you really sound dreadful," he commented. "And I don't think I like that fever very much"

"None taken," he replied. "Like shit, to be honest. I'm fuckin' tired." As if to emphasize his point, he shivered and blinked slowly, dropping his head down into his knees, ignoring the fact that Stolas' hand was still there.

"Oh, you poor thing," the prince cooed. "Come on, let's get you into bed. I'm sure some sleep will help you feel better." Moving quickly but smoothly, Stolas guided Blitz to be laying on the bed before pulling the plush covers over him. "I just need a moment, and I'll be right there."

Stolas walked into the bathroom, hanging up Blitzø's still soaking clothes and the towels the two of them had used. He'd have it all washed tomorrow, and seeing the discarded fabric from his old pants, made a mental note to try keeping clothes around that would actually fit Blitz for the future. When he reentered the room, Blitzø was already asleep, his breathing stuffy, but slow and even. Stolas turned out the lights and climbed carefully into the bed next to the imp before falling into a more comfortable sleep than he'd had in a while.

And if Blitzø had to untangle himself from Stolas some time in the early morning, well then that’s no one’s business but his own.

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