sweetsubharry

[sweetsubharry]

roo0990: 💔

[sweetsubharry]

I feel so fucking lucky to have been shaped into the person I am today by One Direction. 2024 me does not exist as I am today, without them. How lucky am I to have be changed by them. I’m here today on this tumblr, with all of you- friends, mutuals, strangers- because of them. One Direction will always be woven into the fabric of my memories, experiences and dreams. That is a truth that cannot change. I am so so lucky to have loved them and be loved by so many of you because of them. Wow.

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i can't move past Louis' "A message to you Liam if you’re listening" and Zayn's "Liam, I have found myself talking out loud to you, hoping you can hear me" because there was STILL SO MUCH left unsaid.

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heart is in complete shambles after looking at geoff payne looking at the memorial and thanking fans and paul higgins being there like no parent should ever have to bury their child this is truly heartbreaking. and paul being there is just so. god they really were all so close and formed genuine relationships with everyone during 1d and that clip in this is us where paul says he's like the boys' dad on tour and now he's about to go bring liam back to the uk. i just. this is truly the most heartbreaking thing ever

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Louis on the support of Liam, Harry and Niall after the loss of his mum

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journalists wanted to film geoff arriving at the hotel and fans blocked the cameras with hands and bags 🥹🥹

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and i guess i had this whimsical idea of all the boys sitting on a porch as old men reminiscing about the good old days in the biggest boy band in the world as five terrible dancers with a whole lot of heart, but life is cruel and just doesn’t work out that way sometimes, and it fucking hurts

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its weird because usually when something sad happens i listen to one direction, still, after over 10 years. it's light, it's nostalgic, it's mindless and i know it better than the back of my hand

but now it doesn't feel like the comforting blanket that it usually is. now it feels hard and painful and i'm not sure what to do with that

[sweetsubharry]

I am mourning both the loss of Liam, but also the loss of the small refuge 1D offered me, in a harsh world.

Their music, their interviews, the fic — it was a tiny utopia I could retreat to, untouched by the realities of life. In those albums, in those stories, they could just be five boys, singing, having fun, making it big, loving each other, and I could suspend the biggest truth of life for the length of a song, an album, a fic: that happiness and grief often go hand-in-hand.

Now, grief has walked into my comfort zone and touched everything. It’s tried to put things back where it found them, but it’s no use. My refuge has changed and there’s no going back.

Rest in peace, Liam. I wish you had gotten the help you needed. Thank you for holding my comfort zone together, for all these years.

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liampayne: #sunshine 😂😂😂 forgot I made this a while ago hope you see the funny side

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no matter what we’ll do after this, we’ll never ever beat this

yeah, but isn’t that scary?

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me continuing to tell myself to stop scrolling but when I walk away I just feel lost and crave the community of the people who understand this feeling as devastating as non stop reading everything is

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you know what really pisses me off? so many people acting like he is the worst person out there and no one will miss him. A LOT of people are grieving now and missing him including people that these people supposedly follow and care about. liam was not the supervillain people wanted him to be. he was messed up and did messed up things likely because of what happened to him. this conversation deserves so much more nuance than people are giving it. and maybe it’s too early to have this conversation now but it’s helping me process and grieve so i’m really writing this for me. people are complex and doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person or someone worthy of death without being given the chance to make things right. and another thing, it is SO hypocritical to make fun of him and look down on him like he’s the ultimate Bad Guy meanwhile i bet every single person you have ever admired in the spotlight has likely also done bad things or at least things you wouldn’t be proud of. fame is an illness and it can cause people to harm others because they were hurt themselves. human beings are a culmination of everything that they’ve been through and everything they’ve done. he is not only the bad things he’s done and it’s okay and normal to grieve him as a whole person, because he was one.

[sweetsubharry]

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i’m going to vomit. “i’ll always be your big brother”

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one direction will always be so so so bittersweet to me like they were such a foundation of my teenage years while at the same time those boys were spending most of their days trapped in hotel rooms or waking up at 2 am to record an album and non stop touring and working so much more than anyone let alone a bunch of teenage boys should work and its always been hard to reconcile those two realities especially on a day like today because god when they were good together, they were so good together.

and i just don't think anything like them will ever happen again. 5 boys from basically working class backgrounds thrust into a level of fame the height of which hadn't been seen for decades, all of them becoming the breadwinners of their families before the age of 18. the immense pressure but also the amount of fun they were. the tragedy and joy of it all intertwined. really impossible to put into words