sweetth4ng47

[sweetth4ng47]

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

[sweetth4ng47]

My doctor and therapist: now with this autism + ADHD diagnosis you need to learn to unmask because masking all the time will make you burn out again and feel like shit

Other people: well it's just interesting how after getting the diagnosis you suddenly start behaving like that I mean I'm not saying you're faking it's just funny how you suddenly cannot be normal like you were before

[sweetth4ng47]

me when the disability disables me: oh what the fuck? this sucks. what the hell man!

[sweetth4ng47]

hey I'm sorry I stopped in the middle of that sentence my brain decided to flush its cache and I totally forgot what this conversation was

[sweetth4ng47]

Thanks for hanging out with me! Was I cool? did you like me? What do you think of me in detail? Do you hate me?

[sweetth4ng47]

"Sword in the stone" type situation where somebody manages to extract the sword not because they're worthy by any conventional measure, but because the gods took one look and said to themselves "hey, you know what would be really funny?"

[sweetth4ng47]

a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints

[sweetth4ng47]

[sweetth4ng47]

my first favorite hobby is yapping. second is being extremely quiet and not talking ever at all ever.

[sweetth4ng47]

The cars engine sounds like it’s in good condition

[sweetth4ng47]

[sweetth4ng47]

Sorry for infodumping about my special interest out of nowhere, you said a keyword and it activated my unskippable dialogue

[sweetth4ng47]

Me and who?

[sweetth4ng47]

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

[sweetth4ng47]

[sweetth4ng47]

[sweetth4ng47]

weirdly enchanted by this