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sweptawayghost · 5 months ago

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The F*ck-It List | part III | Number Four

story summary: During work at your father’s construction company, you’re inspired by your sexually liberated bestie to create a F*ck-It List of sexy experiences you’ve always wanted to try. But when the list accidentally ends up in the hands of Joel Miller— your dad’s best friend, the company’s co-CEO, and your immediate supervisor—things take an unexpected turn. Initially shocked by the discovery, Joel eventually agrees to help you tackle the list, leading to sexual adventures and undeniable chemistry. However as you begin to fall for Joel the complications of your relationship come into focus, leading you both to realize that love may be one item you won’t be able to check off your list.

tags: DBF!Joel , Smut , Romance , Angst , Comedy, Mutual Pining, dirty talk, and more Smut.

rating: 18+

a/n: The support on this story has been unreal so far! I honestly cannot believe the comments (which I read over and over so pls don't stop!) and just the general hype! I have been writing like mad. Sadly tumblr will not let me tag more than 30 ppl so instead you'll have to follow my updates blog! @auteurdelabre-updates

F*ck-It List masterlist here

Your ears are ringing. Surely Joel Miller didn't just offer what you think he offered. Joel Miller; your dad's best friend, Joel Miller; your boss didn’t just offer to help you complete your sexual bucket list. There’s no way.

"What?"

Joel's lips curl to one side, barely hiding his amusement at your shock.

"I said I wanna help you with your list."

You feel like you're feet are glued to the ground. You try to lift them to shift in your seat but you are stuck in place, your jaw hinging open.

"You... Wanna.... Help me..." you repeat slowly, eyes boring into his between slow blinks.

Help you with your list like... Disposing of it?

"Yeah," he replies silkily, his dark eyes sweep up your body before settling on your mouth. "I do."

"Okay."

Okay? Okay?! You're nodding like a dope and just going along with this?

Joel pauses, gauging your reaction. You don't give him much to go on, you're still in shock.

"But you don't have to say yes," he says seriously. "This isn't a blackmail situation. More an offer of services."

There is a pause as you absorb what he's saying to you. He curves his head until he can catch your eyes again. He arches his brow ever so slightly.

"Do you want me to go on?"

You can only nod, still dazed.

He reaches into his top desk drawer, retrieving a pale blue folder and tossing it onto the desk between you both. It sits there facing you like some pastel bomb just waiting to go off. You make no move to open it; you just stare blankly at it.

"There are ground rules of course," Joel says seriously, as if you're both discussing a challenging business deal.

"Okay."

"And since I'm more comfortable with things in writing, I made this up for us to sign," he says indicating the folder on his desk. "This could get real messy if we don't have clear guidelines."

"Paperwork?"

"Mhm."

"Both of us need to sign?"

"Yeah. You and me."

A part of you is convinced it's a prank and Joel will burst out laughing telling you it's a joke.

But he doesn't look at you like this is a prank. For the first time since you've known him he's looking at you... Differently. His eyes are subtly scanning your face, occasionally darting to your chest.

Your eyes flit from the contract back up to Joel's rugged face.

"Why do you want to help me?"

Joel seems to appraise this question as if it never occurred to him before this moment.

"You're my best friend’s kid," Joel shrugs. "Some of these things on your list could be... Dangerous. I think I'd feel better knowin' you're doin' 'em with someone trustworthy."

His answer feels like bullshit but at the same time, there are some serious upsides to this offer. Joel is sexy. He's got the Mr Darcy brooding thing down pat and since he's older he's more experienced. Plus his shoulders are so broad and his hands are so wide... Who gives a shit what his motivations are? Maybe he just wants to get his rocks off with a younger woman. Who are you to judge?

Joel opens the folder, his long fingers tapping the first page of what looks like a contract, drawing your attention back to the present.

"It's pretty standard boilerplate, but I've got some specifics outlined."

Your eyes finally draw to the contract on the desk, reading quickly your name and Joel's at the top. You've seen things like this before, you've filed them away for your dad and Joel when they've had the occasional offsite architect come in; a severe non disclosure.

"First thing you need to know if If at any point you want to terminate this arrangement, you say the word. It doesn't matter if we're in the middle of somethin', you say it's over then it's over."

He waits for your nod before he continues.

"But that means if there's somethin' that needs to be discussed then we talk it out right then and there," He tilts his head to regard you. "No more hiding in empty crates just to avoid me."

Oh for fucks sake.

"Yep, got it."

"This cannot and will not affect our working relationship. The second it comes even close to that, this is over."

"I'll keep it professional," you agree, still not quite believing that this conversation is taking place. It feels surreal that you're in Joel's office, sitting across from him, listening to him relay a sex contract for the two of you.

"Your consent is required for any and all activities," Joel continues as if he's reading off a cue card. "On video."

"Sure. Okay."

A thrill goes through you at the idea of actually fucking Joel. The things on your list were some of your deepest desires. To think you'll be acting them out with a man you find incredibly sexy makes every hair on your body stand on end.

And the best part is you don't actually like Joel as a person. He's got no empathy if how he treated Brian is anything to go on.

Joel is recalcitrant, he's serious, he expects a lot from his employees. But you could never be truly attracted to a man who would fire a man whose wife has terminal cancer. It means things won't get messy. It means it'll be easy not to blur the lines. It means this could actually work.

"Anything you wanna add?"

"I don't think we should kiss," you finally land on. "It feels a bit too intimate."

Joel looks satisfied with this, hastily scribbling in this amendment to the contract.

"Fine by me."

"And you?"

He tilts back in his chair, lower lip pursed in thought before deciding.

"Behind closed doors when it's just you and me, I want you calling me Joel. No sir or Mister Miller."

"Okay."

Joel slides another piece of paper out of the folder and despite everything your cheeks flame. Your list sits there, clearly retrieved from the trash by Joel. You don't know whether to thank him or cringe.

"There are ten items on this list and I can help you with... Eight of 'em, I think unless...Except, Roller Coasters," Joel darts a glance your way, nose wrinkled. "S'at some kinda new sex thing?"

You exhale a brief laugh at that, nervous and giggly at the absurdity of the moment. You stop when the the elevens deepen between Joel's brows.

"Not everything on there is for uh, sex," you explain shyly. "I was making a list of things I really want to do. Things that'll push me outside my comfort zone. And, uh, on that note number eight is done."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Jacob took me last night."

Jacob, that's right. Joel feels his mood dimming as he recalls the handsome man you're usually in the company of. Is this a lost venture?

"And you're not completing this list with him because?"

"He's just my friend."

Your answer is quick and Joel notices the agitated way you shift in your seat.

"Its not like that," you add.

"Mhm."

You don't know if Joel believes you, but he's not pushing it.

"And yet I see here in the number five spot, Stop fantasizing about JM."

Your heart stops, you're sure of it because the room goes eerily quiet. You can't even hear the tick of his clock on the wall anymore.

"I can't help you to stop fantasizing about Jacob," Joel says almost apologetically. "You're on your own for that one. But I think I can help with most of the others."

What the fuck? Why is Joel mentioning Jacob? Does he really think you're obsessed with Jacob? How could Joel think you're talking about...

... Wait.

Your eyes go back to the list.

Jacob Milne. Joel Miller.

Same initials.

You silently thank all the angels of heaven for coming through in this way. Yes, the list was humiliating for sure, but thank Christ Joel will never know he was number five. Joel scans your face before his eyes go back to the paper.

"Sunshine days? Whats-"

Your smile drops and you wave your hand in a sweeping gesture over the list.

"That's nothing. Just, don't worry about it. It's something I have to do on my own."

"Alright," Joel nods. "So in summation, you and I will be checking off number one, four five, seven and nine. And I'll throw in roller coaster's too."

Images of you and Joel on a roller coaster together makes you amused enough to give a barking laugh that draws Joel's brows up high. You motion for the pen beside him, signing away after barely scanning it.

"I can make you a copy if you want."

"No. That's okay."

You’re too excited. You watch as Joel signs as well before sliding the contract into his file cabinet. His broad back faces you, muscles rippling under the fabric.

This is really happening.

You wish you could chill the fuck out, but your body is buzzing at the fantasy of what could come next. A frisson of excitement and terror because holy shit, fucking Joel Miller? You take a moment to enjoy the muscles that band in his neck as he turns to the side, casting his profile in relief. You savor the strong nose and the complete contradiction of his supple mouth.

His jaw is defined, but not overly so. His eyes naturally squint, giving him the appearance of being unapproachable. His beard is neatly trimmed, his dark curls threaded with silver. He's an attractive man by normal standards, but combine that with the dimple you see pop in his cheek when he's amused and its game over for you.

Joel repeats your name with an irritated tone that you realize you've been zoning out.

"Like I was askin’, which do you wanna start with?" Joel prompts, turning the list to face you. You curl over the desk, eyes drifting to your scratchy penmanship.

Come during sex. Waking up with oral. You look at the numbers, wishing you chose items that were less daunting on your list.

You can't fuck him right now, can't have him actually see your bare boobs and pussy! No, that feels too soon. Too intense. Something less sexy? You scan the list twice more before deciding you don't want him to see you crying on a roller coaster either.

C'mon. Stop being a little bitch and go for it. What is Jacob always saying?

Tell yourself over and over you deserve to feel good things.

"Maybe ... Number four?"

Joel peruses the list, reading number four aloud. You can only watch his mouth move, plump and appealing.

"Dirty text and or phone call." His eyes flit from the paper to your face, no doubt seeing the hesitancy there. "You're sure?"

"Yes."

Satisfied, he brings out his cell phone, sliding it across his desk to stop in front of you.

"Put your number in there."

You can't stop your fingers from shaking as you enter your contact info into his phone.

"Put your name as Fiona," he murmurs, watching as your fingers fly over the screen. "Just in case someone sees my phone. Better to be safe."

"Good idea."

You push the phone back across the desk, very aware that you're going to great lengths not to make contact with his fingers. You've never touched Joel nor has he touched you and for not the first time since you started at the company, you wonder what his fingers would feel like grasping yours.

Joel slides his phone into his large hand, sliding his thumb across the screen.

"Now the consent video."

You swallow, sitting up a little straighter. "Uh, yeah, what do I say?"

"Name and date and that you're consenting to what we're gonna do."

"Right," you say with a nod before visibly faltering, your eyes narrowing in thought as you gaze into the distance. "It's just..."

Joel exhales gently, watching you.

"What?"

"It's just, I don't know exactly what we're gonna do."

Joel folds his arms on his desk and you don't miss how the muscles bulge, the fabric of his flannel straining over his wide shoulders.

"I'm gonna send you dirty texts and then if you wanna I'm gonna call you."

Oh shit. Oh shit. His voice is so sexy right now. Your thighs clench together almost violently.

"Right," you say slowly, your pulse pounding in your veins.

Joel raises his phone, holding it at eye level. You hear the bing sound of the recording starting. Absently you smooth down your hair and attempt to give the camera a charming smile.

Be calm. Be cool.

However your smile comes out as a tight grimace and you hold your body stiffly as your mind races with how you appear on camera.

"Hello," you offer robotically, mind going blank, "I consent to-oh shit, wait, uh, my name is-"

Joel immediately lowers the phone, turning the video feature off. He stares at you in utter confusion as you frown.

"The fuck was that?"

"The..." You wrinkle your nose at him. "I thought you said the consent..."

"You look like you're in a fuckin' hostage video." Joel's amusement is faint. "Just relax. This is supposed to be fun, right?"

"Right."

You know that what he's saying is the truth, and yet your body is still held as rigid as a marble statue. Joel must sense your lingering nerves because the subtle humor has fled from his face.

"You're sure you still wanna do this? I was serious when I said we can stop at any time." Joel asks you this with his tone solemn and his eyes soft "We can tear up the contract right now and forget the whole thing."

"No!" You say a fraction too loud and far too quickly. "No, I don't want to end things. I wanna do this. With you."

Your face flames at your admission but Joel seems relieved by your answer.

"Alright then." He raises his phone once more. "Let's try this again."

The button is pressed and you give a smile now, a real one as you imagine the debauched acts you'll commit with this sexy man across from you. You say your name and the date, your voice clear.

"I'm consenting to receive and send, um, sexually suggestive texts and phone calls from Joel Miller as per our contract. I do this out of my own free will."

Joel nods before lowering his phone. Your mouth feels dry and your voice comes out as a croak.

"So when will... How..."

"You wanna know?" Joel's eyes sneak from his phone to you. His mouth pulls to one side to give you the barest hint of a smirk.

"Or do you want it to be a surprise?"

///

Joel sits uneasily across from your father Monday morning in a nearby cafe going over paperwork, two forgotten coffees at their elbows.

Your dad is droning on about hiring Tess but all Joel can fixate on is the guilt that brews in his belly.

What was he thinking offering to do your list with you? His best friend’s daughter? He'd acted rashly and now more clear headed he could see how wrong it was. Your dad would never forgive him and Joel wouldn't blame him.

He'd made no attempts to contact you since your last meeting. The one you left with a flush on your cheeks. All that anger for your dad seemed to simmer before dying off completely this weekend.

What the fuck was I thinkin'?

He'll talk to you tomorrow morning when he's in the office. He'll explain that it was a bad idea. He'll ask your forgiveness and hopefully you can all move on without it getting out.

"Miller, are you listening?" Your dad breaks into his thoughts. "I said we'd give her Brian's old office. Thoughts?"

Joel is trying his best not to scowl but it's not easy. He never wanted to hire Tess in the first place and this proposed lunch just feels like salt in the wound.

Twenty years ago when Joel was still a young man desperate to pay for Tommy's latest rehab stint he'd gone to the nearby construction firm, hat in hand to see if there were any decently paying jobs.

He was bright and he was pleasant and he made it through the first round of interviews without issue. It wasn't until he was brought before the CEO, a Herb Servopolous that things went sour.

"I knew your daddy," Mr Servopolous said with a cruel sneer. "Rumor is it your brother is followin' in his footsteps."

Miller men weren't exactly known for their calm temperament. It has taken all of four seconds before Joel was on his feet, calling Mr Servopolous an asshole before striding out the door, never looking back.

It was Brian, an up and coming architect at a local firm that saw Joel's potential. Without Brian Joel never would have made it this far.

So when Tess came sniffing around for a job it was an automatic no from Joel. He didn't want any Servopolous working for or with him, ever.

But your father, ever the businessman saw potential in the hiring. And today he's planned an on boarding lunch for her at the local steakhouse.

"I thought we were supposed to be talkin' about all expenditures together," Joel sneers across the table from your dad. "Seems shortsighted to hire her at that salary."

"Consider us even for Brian," your dad offers, trying to lighten the mood.

Joel leans back in his chair, muscled arms crossing over his chest.

"It's not the same and you know it."

"Just think. If Tess does well we could be looking at a possible merger in the future," your dad says excitedly. "Her daddy is set to retire in the next few years and then who do you think will be in charge?"

"Then why is she here?" Joel demanded, brows raised. "If she's gonna take over for her dad-"

"Because she wants to prove herself," your father defended. "She's only ever worked for her daddy. She needs to show that she's capable outside of him if she wants the board to approve of her taking over."

Joel places a hand on the table, fingers tapping angrily.

"She won't even be here long. She doesn't have a horse in this race. So why bother takin' her on at all?"

"Two year minimum contract," your dad reasons, pushing the paperwork over. "Heavy penalty if she leaves early."

"How heavy?"

Your dad taps an obscene amount on the paperwork as he surveys Joel's face.

"And even if she just does okay here do you know how much cache for the company it'll bring to have a Servopolous working for us? His golden child? You know how much she brought in for his company last year alone?"

Joel is quiet, eyes downcast. Your dad taps the paperwork impatiently.

"I don't know what it is with you lately, Joel. Seems you wanna fight about every little thing."

"These aren't little things," Joel snaps. "It's our fucking company."

"Yeah, our company," your dad replies smoothly. "And I don't know about you, but I want it to make money."

"Not at the cost of our dignity."

"Joel what are you on about?"

"You know how her father treated me that day. How he's always takin' little jabs at us when he can." Joel exhales, his cheeks pink. "Taking Tess on is like us sayin' that's just fine."

"Joel-

"That we'll just roll over and take his scraps."

"Joel that's not what-" your dad tries to interrupt, but Joel is too agitated.

"It's spitting on all that we've built here."

"That's not true." Your dad's face is an ugly red, a sign that his temper is at its limit. But Joel doesn't notice, too entrenched in memories he's always tried to suppress.

"This company is supposed to be our legacy!"

"Our company is just a company, Joel! My kids are my legacy," your dad snaps before he stops abruptly, eyes widening. "Fuck, I didn't mean it like that-"

Joel's eyes are flinty as he shrugs in on his jacket. Your dad is scrambling to stand, moving to follow.

"Joel, I didn't-"

"I'll see you at lunch."

"Do I want to know why we're hitting up a lingerie store on our lunch break?"

Jacob trails behind you in the Victoria's Secret, his shining shoes tapping against the floor impatiently. You stand in the aisle, fingers trailing over a ruffled pink teddy. After your meeting with Joel you returned home to an empty house and threw yourself into bed.

Your fingers were barely under your panties before you started arching into them groaning Joel's name, imagining his wide hands on your body. You came in quick succession, breathing heavy and your heart throbbing in your ribcage.

Prompted by the memory of your meeting with Joel you dug in your purse for your phone.

No missed calls. No new texts. That was fine. It's going to be a surprise. You told him you wanted it to be a surprise before you left.

That was Friday.

It's now Monday. A full two days since you both made the plans and not only has Joel not even been into the office yet, but be sure as hell hasn't made any attempts at contact.

And you? You were pathetically excited the entire weekend waiting for a text that never came. And since you didn't have his number yet you couldn't exactly prompt him. Every text from a friend or alert on an app had you lurching to check your phone.

You did it so often that your dad asked you if you were waiting for a package. You'd choked on your coffee.

Still you arrived anticipatory this morning, eyes scanning the schedule to see that you'd be Joel-less today. It wasn't until you were at your desk answering emails and forwarding contact information that you realized you could easily retrieve Joel's phone number from the staff directory.

You hurriedly typed it into your phone, fingers flying as your heart rabbit-ed behind your sternum. And in the end you decided on something simple for a name: MJ.

Not exactly creative but innocuous and could easily be a man or woman if someone looked. You snuck looks at your phone the entire morning, fingers itching to send something off.

Maybe I'll just text: wanted to make sure my texts are going through.

But that felt desperate. So by lunch you were wound up tighter than a two dollar watch and insisted that you and Jacob hit the mall for lunch. Which has led you to this moment of wandering around the Victoria's Secret store with your coworker sighing heavily behind you.

“Hello? Are you listening? Why are we here?”

You keep your voice neutral, eyes averted.

"I've got a date this weekend and I thought I should get something cute." You turn, smiling. "And you've got great taste."

Jacob preens at that, his handsome face turning from irritation to glee. "A date? With who?"

There's no way you can tell him it's Joel. That would never end well. He'd tell you all the things you don't want to think about, he'd question Joel's motivation and for once you don't want to do that. You just want to enjoy.

"Dating app." You pause to take a deep breath, eyes moving to Jacob. "He says he wants to do the list with me."

Jacob's jaw actually drops and he shrieks out your name in shock, drawing murmurs and looks from the other women shopping for overpriced lingerie.

"Are you serious?"

You nod, moving down the aisle towards the two piece sets. There are some that have delicate chains or ruffles but nothing that screams you. Or at least not the persona you're trying to project.

"How is that safe?" Jacob whispers fiercely, his voice dropping. "You just told some stranger about your list and he agreed before even meeting you? Do you know how big a red flag that is?"

"It's not like that."

"It's not? How?"

You stretch your head to the side as you search your mind for something plausible.

"I've actually known him for a while. He knew me when I was in college. I found him on the app and we reconnected." You give Jacob a reassuring smile. "So I appreciate the concern but this guy is trustworthy, trust me."

Jacobs eyes ping pong between yours, trying to ascertain if you're full of it. But finally his shoulders relax and he nods.

"You promise?"

"Promise. And if it helps we're starting with dirty texts first so it's totally low danger." You stem your hands on your hips. “And I need your help picking out something really good. That’s why I asked you.”

"That does help," Jacob relents, pursuing his mouth as he scans your body. "Let's get you something really good then."

You scroll the store, eyes searching for just the right thing. But of course it's Jacob who finds it minutes later, tugging it from the hanger and demanding you purchase it immediately.

You look at the black and dark grey items, eyes moving over the cross straps over the bust, the see through lace cups. It's sexy without being cheap and you smile broadly.

It's perfect.

///

Across town Joel sits with your father and Tess in the booth of an overpriced steakhouse. They've been there thirty minutes and Tess hasn't stopped gushing about how much she respects the Mill Group.

"When I was reading your interview last month and you touched on the concept of brutalism and how it offers honesty through its functionality like the Unité d'Habitation? My God! I knew I had so much to learn from you both," she says with a bright smile.

Joel knows what she's referencing - the big Mill Group spotlight in Austin Way magazine, the ultimate get in the architecture community.

"Surprised by that," Joel snarks, arms crossed over his chest, every part of his body telling this woman to back off. "Not like your firm's exactly an up and come-r. Feel like you're father would've taught you plenty."

"My father's company is respectable, but it's stuck in the past," Tess says, almost shyly. "I want to be a part of something new, something with fresh blood and bold takes. As you know you've established a very good reputation within the community."

"Worked hard to do it," Joel says coolly. "Didn't have anything handed to us."

Joel winces when he feels your dad kick his shin under the table.

"But you've set yourself apart as well, built quite the reputation for yourself," your dad says with a charming smile. "I mean, your work on the Du'vell home was inspired."

Oh for fucks sake.

Joel feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and normally he'd ignore it, but this blatant ass-kissing doesn't hold his attention long. He welcomes the diversion.

Discreetly he pulls the cell from his jeans, leaning back a bit to retrieve it. He brings his bottle of beer to his lips as he slides open the text.

You're dad and Tess are still deep in conversation so they don't notice when he casually opens the message, not even registering that it's coming from "Fiona".

But they sure as hell notice when an image pops up and Joel violently chokes on a mouthful of beer.

"Jesus, Miller!" Your dad laughs, patting him on the back harshly. "You okay?"

"Fine," Joel says rasping, s still sputtering a cough as Tess looks on, worried.

Joel feels the back of his neck flaming as he quickly flips the phone face down on the seat next to him.

"Sorry about that," he says with a sheepish smile their way. "Must've just gone down the wrong tube. 'Scuse me."

Joel jerks to a stand, grabbing the phone on his way out of the booth and sliding it into his front pocket.

He hears the murmur of Tess and your dad behind him as he makes his way to the front door, almost throwing himself against the brick facade outside.

The air outdoors serves to fan his heated cheeks still pink from the spectacle he just caused as well as the photo that he plans on looking at, shielded from the restaurant. He smiles politely at an older couple who walk by him, headed for lunch, waiting for them to pass by before allowing himself to turn on the phone and take in the photo.

It's your hand holding a Victoria's Secret shopping bag in front of the shop that boasts a half naked woman in skimpy lingerie. He can see in the text bubble:

ready when you are

It's a simple photo, not even really lascivious. But the fact that you sent it to him caught him off guard. And the fact that it's lingerie store. And the fact that suddenly he can't stop from imagining it's you instead of that model wearing that outfit.

Arousal licks low in his belly at the thought that you bought something in preparation. You obviously still want ,this that much is clear.

I should cut it off now, he tells himself again.

But then he thinks about the way your dad talked to him in the office that day, the things he said this morning and the way he's kissing Tess' ass and anger mingles with the arousal there inside him.

I can't do this to my friend.

His phone buzzes again but it's not a message from you. It's from your dad.

The fuck are you??? You may not have wanted to hire her Joel but it's not just your choice. We're supposed to put our company ahead of old grudges.

Joel and your dad have always had a blunt way of speaking to one another, no subtext, no hidden agendas. It's what bonded them in the first place, their inability to suffer fools. But something about this message sets Joel's teeth on edge.

Any lingering doubts and guilt he may have carried are erased as clenches his jaw, slipping the phone back into his pocket and rejoining the group.

///

Joel never got back to you. You waited the entire fucking day with your phone on the desk, pouncing on it every time it so much as buzzed. But it was only Starbucks reminding you it was double stars day or Tony sending you a possum gif or Jacob pestering you for more details about your date.

But it was never Joel.

You ignored every single one of the messages, your attention in the realm of Joel's deep voice. By the time you return home that evening with your purse on one shoulder and the Victoria's Secret bag on the other you feel deflated.

Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he regretted everything. But then couldn't he at least do the decent thing and let you know? You stride into the house, frowning as you slide off your shoes at the front door. Your dad won't be back until late, he told you earlier that morning. At least you have the place to yourself.

You take advantage, thinking about running yourself a bath when the phone buzzes at your hip. You pull it from your pocket, expecting another Jacob message. You nearly drop it when you realize it's from Joel.

MJ: You around?

Fuck him for being so casual. And fuck him for not saying anything about your purchase and... Well, just fuck him. It's on the tip of your tongue to call and give Joel a verbal telling off when you remind yourself that he's doing this as a favor to you.

He's risking a lot and while you don't completely trust all his motivations, he's the best option for you at present.

You take your bag and scurry to your room, flinging your clothes off and pulling on your lingerie with a breathless giggle. You fiddle with the straps at the top and attach the garter before moving to the floor length mirror on your wall. You turn to the side, sure to see yourself from all angles.

Part of you wishes you hit the gym more, but the louder part reminds you how much you love banana bread. You twist, arching your back and are surprised at just how luscious your ass looks in this outfit.

"Fuck, I look good," you murmur to yourself, admiring the plush curve of your ass.

The phone buzzes again from your bed and you gulp, bringing it to eye level.

MJ: Lemme know if you still wanna do this.

A small curl starts at the corner of your mouth because Joel's message has betrayed that maybe he's worried you're no longer into this. Is that a slit in his armor?

Maybe you should make him suffer like he did to you today. Make him wait for it. But then you catch sight of yourself in the mirror doing a little hip wiggle and decide that you can't wait any longer.

I'm ready.

You sit on the bed, hands on your knees and the phone beside you. You're so excited and so anxious you feel like throwing up.

You look around your bedroom as you wait, struck by how juvenile it looks. The band posters from your teen years, the trophies from your volleyball team on the shelves. When you moved back home you didn't bother unpacking much. That was a year ago. Now you wish you'd at least attempted to update the room your father had seemingly kept as a shrine to you.

You stand up, going to pull some candles from the multitude on your desk before placing them beside the bed. You light them and are pleased when the flickering flame casts the room in a sensual glow, lightly scented with magnolia and spice.

The phone sounds out you're ringtone and a nervous gasp escapes you. You can't even look at it you're suddenly so terrified. You have to manually remind yourself to slow your breathing before you take the phone in hand.

"Calm the fuck down."

Closing your eyes you raise the phone to your ear and adopt your most seductive purr.

"Hope you're gonna make this worth my wait."

"Please tell me you're not going to use that voice."

Your eyes blow open, horrified.

"Jacob why the fuck are you calling me right now?"

You can hear the amusement in his voice when he replies.

"I was checking to see if your dad had the Sanderson meeting tomorrow but apparently I've interrupted something." His voice drops. "Or.... Almost something. Has it officially started yet?"

You're about to reply when another call sends its alert and you curse Jacob aloud.

"You fucker, Jacob. He's calling right now. Do not call me again tonight."

"Understood. Good luck, babe. I want all the dirty details tomorrow."

"Bye."

You press the button to swap to Joel's call before attempting to adopt that same sexy purr as before.

"Hey handsome."

"Seriously? Not that voice again! You sound like you're trying to do a bad Kathleen Turner impression."

"Jacob?" You jerk the phone away from your ear with a growl. "What the fuck?"

"Did you hit the call waiting button?"

"Yes."

"Obviously not," Jacob sighs. "It's still me."

You attempt to press the button with Joel's flashing name on it again.

"Hello?"

"Still me," Jacob replies, amused. Your fingers slide frantically across the name on your phone.

"Now?"

"Still here."

You're overwhelmed, getting sweaty and growing more and more furious at every wrong move.

"Fucking piece of shit" You shriek furiously, your thumb sliding over the screen in agitation. "Fuck this whole stupid fucking thing."

"S'not exactly the kind of dirty talk I thought we'd be engagin' in," croons a deep voice.

You go still.

"Mister Mill-Joel?"

"Mhm."

You want to hide in your bed for a week after that faux pas. So much for setting a sexy mood.

"Oh right, I just had some technical difficulties," you explain trying not to stammer.

"It's just it's a new phone and I'm still learning all the, uh, apps and stuff and it was giving me trouble and-" You take a deep breath aware that you're starting to ramble. "Anyway how was your day?"

Joel is quiet for a moment, likely coming out of the whiplash your diatribe caused him.

"Was fine."

"That's good," you say nervously. "I know you had that big meeting an-"

"You in bed?"

You stop speaking when Joel asks you that, stunned into silence.

"Um, yes. I am."

"Good," Joel murmurs and you think you can hear the clink of glass.

"What are you doing?"

"Pouring myself a bit of whiskey," he tells you calmly before you hear him settle onto something soft.

"Aren't you gonna ask what I'm wearing?" You blurt out

There's a moment of silence on the line and then Joel's confused voice, a little raspy and tight like he's trying not to laugh.

"Do you want me to ask what you're wearin'?"

"I kinda thought that's how these things go."

"They can go however we want."

You pause, looking down at your outfit. You finger the lace on the lingerie, frowning.

"It's just, you know I bought something sexy for this whole thing and I feel like if we don't talk about it it'll have been a waste."

More silence on Joel's end and then just as you think about hanging up in humiliation, his voice reaches out to you lower and slower than before.

"Tell me what you're wearin', baby."

Baby? Holy shit. Just that word alone has your nipples tightening in the lace cups of your lingerie. You fight very hard not to giggle nervously before your eyes fly down to your outfit.

"It's.... Lace and... Is black uh with a little strappy thing over the top of the cup -" you try to find the words but they won't come, resulting in you trailing off.

You hear Joel's steady breathing on the other end of the phone and you hold your own breath, anxious about what to say.

"Do you wanna send me a picture? Would that make it easier?"

His voice is creamy and deep and your brain has to buffer before you realize what he's asked. It takes you a full moment of heavy breathing to collect your thoughts.

"I think you wanna send me a picture," he murmurs and you hear him shift on the other end of the line. "I think you wanna show off that sexy little number you got on."

Yeah, you do want to send him the photo. You've never wanted a man to see you in lingerie more. But you need a moment to find the right angle and lighting.

"Just a sex. Uh, a sec," you correct feeling flustered. "I'll call you back."

---

Joel realizes you've abruptly ended the call and looks at his phone, baffled.

What the fuck? Did you seriously just hang up on him?

He stares at his phone a few minutes, completely flummoxed when you don't call him back.

"What the fuck am I doin'?" Joel mutters, tossing his phone onto the cushion beside him.

This was a terrible idea. You are way too inexperienced at phone sex for him to even attempt this. He's expecting you to burst out laughing at any moment when he mentions the words tits or cock.

Speaking of which...

Joel glances between his legs to see his cock still throbbing in his sweatpants. It's been like that since he heard your voice. It's not because it's you, it's because he can't remember the last time he did something this illicit. He shouldn't be this hard.

His phone beeps and with a sigh he lifts the phone to eye level.

"Holy shit."

For a minute it takes him by surprise, all the straps pulled taut, and your curves on display for him. You've propped the phone up somewhere high, giving him an eyeful.

Your body is laid out on your bed, the pale blue sheet underneath you. Your arms are raised above your head and out of the shot. You've obviously gone to great lengths to keep your head out of the picture and he secretly thanks you for that foresight.

You rest there like some gift waiting to be unwrapped. One knee is crooked, your hips softly tilted to the side. You look fucking amazing.

Joel's breath hitches as he takes in the delicate gauzy fabric that barely covers your breasts. He can see your nipples through it, hard and waiting. He looks at the lacy belt around your waist leading to a garter holding up black silk. Your pussy is shielded from the pose but he can tell it's barely covered a scrap of fabric.

Joel feels his cock hardening further as he stares. He can't stop. This isn't what he pictured when he thinks of you. He pictured teddies in pastel colors, ruffles and bows. Not black lace and sexy straps tightening over your chest and leading behind your neck.

He nearly drops the phone when a buzz sounds and a message from you pops up.

FIONA: Did you get it?

Oh yeah, he got it.

---

Your phone rings and you fumble to open the call, bringing the phone to your ear. Before you can say anything, Joel's voice sounds out all syrupy and low.

"You bought that just for this phone call?"

"Yeah."

Joel makes a small, appreciative noise in the back of his throat.

"S'good," he tells you softly. "Real pretty."

This was worth the price alone. Hearing Joel respond like this has you preening. You hear Joel shifting and you wonder where he's sitting to have this very intense conversation.

"Are you in your bed?"

"The couch."

"Oh. Is it comfy?"

"S'alright."

You never been to Joel's house, and part of you is curious about how he furnishes it. You can imagine his couch now: a buttery leather in front of a large fireplace.

"Is it leather?"

"You wanna talk home design or do you wanna hear how hard that photo made me?"

Anything you wanted to say dies in your throat. Your body feels electric at his words and you fall silent.

"I couldn't stop looking at it," his voice drops and you hear movement, flesh over fabric. "I'm rubbing my cock through my pants. Seein' that sexy body got me so hard, baby."

Joel Miller is far too good at this. He must have countless women who've gotten off to his voice and his words. You know this because he talks with the casual confidence of a man who knows his voice gets women wet.

"You like knowin' how hard you make me?"

You manage to squeak out a soft "mhm."

"Ask me what I'm thinking about," Joel says quietly, his breathing more elevated.

"What are you thinking about?"

"How it'd feel to have you here in my lap," he continues slowly, his voice like honey. "Wearing that sweet set you have on now."

You breathe deeply before exhaling shakily.

"Thinking about pulling down the straps and pushing those beautiful tits out so I can see em properly," he continues. "I know I'd need to lick those pretty nipples, maybe nibble em until I hear you whimper, beggin' me for more."

You let out a small squeak before clapping your hand over your mouth. You can't help it. You don't know if it's from the absurdity of the situation or hearing Joel say the word tits. Whatever it is, it breaks the spell he's trying to weave.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

Joel is quiet for a moment and you think you hear a sigh. But instead he must be thinking of a new angle because when he speaks next, he's still calm.

"How about you take that sexy little outfit off." Joel's voice is like gravel wrapped in silk. "Would you do that for me?"

"Yes!"

Your enthusiastic reply is partially muffled as your hands go to reach behind for the clasp.

"Slow," Joel tells you over the phone. "Don't rush it. First lower the straps drag your fingernails down lightly as you do it."

You do as he says, taking your time to lower the straps, body breaking out into goose bumps as the brush of your finger drags along your skin. Your body prickles in anticipation.

"Feel good?"

"Mhm."

"Now I want you to pull down the cups. Don't undo the clasp or anythin'. Just tug em down," Joel instructs carefully. "Because if I was there with you, baby, that's the first thing I'd do."

You swallow, curving the phone between your ear and shoulder before tugging the bra down, exposing your breasts to the air. Your nipples go hard immediately, puckering in the chill.

"Wish I was there," Joel whispers.

Your stomach bottoms out and you sit there stunned, your eyes wide and your breathing loud over the phone.

"Are you still layin' down?"

"No."

"Go on and relax."

You do as he instructs, curving back onto your sheets. After a moment’s hesitation you decide on popping your ear buds in.

"I want you to rub em real gently for me. Close your eyes and just feel your palm brushing against em."

You immediately sigh when Joel's voice comes through clearer. When you close your eyes it's almost like he's in the room with you. You close your eyes, thankful that Joel is good with a slow build up. Your hands rise over your bared chest, slowly hovering your palm over the soft skin there.

"Now I want you to lick the tip of your thumb and forefinger on each hand," Joel commands gently.

You do as he says and he must hear the wet sound of your mouth.

"Now I want you to pinch your nipples," he rasps, "soft at first."

You do and you let out a soft and stuttering exhale at the sensation. You never build yourself up like this, you're always in such a rush to come, the vibrator doing the work for you.

"Harder now."

You comply, spine curving as lightning shoots it's way through your body. You can't help but whimper, front teeth pressed into the flesh of your lower lip.

"How's that feel?"

"Good," you gasp. Shocked at how turned on you are.

"Sounds like it."

"Are you touching yourself?" You ask breathily, suddenly insecure about all the attention.

"Mhm." The hair on the back of your neck stands up at the low groan that emanates from the phone. "Fuckin' cock throbs every time you make those little noises."

Oh wow. Joel Miller is hard and touching himself because of you. Your head swims in arousal.

"Want you to drag those hands down your body slowly," he continues huskily. "Then you're gonna rub between your legs, real gently to start."

You do as ordered, shocked to find your cunt is already soaking the thin fabric. You glance down between your legs, brows raised.

"I'm so wet," you blurt out before stopping yourself.

Joel gives another groan on the end of the line and you hear the unmistakable sound of flesh on flesh.

"Are you-"

"Stroking my cock thinking about you playing with yourself?" He grunts, his voice choppy. "Mhm."

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

"Under the panties now," Joel rasps, all pretense of slowly building you up gone. You don't even hesitate, sliding your fingers under the fabric and into your welcoming heat.

"Oh," you gasp out. How does it feel so much better? Joel isn't even here in the same room and your pussy is throbbing and so deliciously sensitive. You can hear the smile in Joel's response.

"Okay, baby. Lemme hear you make yourself feel good."

Your eyes roll back at those words, Joel's own stroking continuing in earnest. You begin to play with yourself, splaying your fingers on either side of your clit and rubbing.

Baby. Baby.

You feel waves of bliss overtaking you and are really starting to relax into this, shocked at how good it all feels.

"I-I wanna sit on your lap," you confess suddenly, your hesitancy lost in the haze of your arousal. "Wanna bounce on it."

"Fuck," Joel groans low and long. "Yeah, I want that. Can picture it right now."

"I just know you'd feel so good," you continue babbling, your fingers working furiously between your thighs. "I just know you have a gorgeous co-"

The last word is lost to the ether as the front door of your home slams shut.

You suddenly jerk up in bed, eyes wide. Did you imagine it?

"You home? I brought dinner," your dad's voice rings through the house calling your name.

"Fuck."

Joel is too lost to his own pleasure; you can hear the fever pitch of his jerking, his groans spilling into your ears. You panic, thrusting your phone under your pillow when a knock sounds.

"Hey Trix, you in there?"

You pop one of the ear buds out, Joel still groaning and jerking himself off in the other.

"I'll be out in a sec," you tell him shakily, praying he doesn't open the door to see his daughter in slutty lingerie getting off to his friend on the phone.

"Fuck I'm gettin' close," Joel groans, totally lost and unaware of what's going on at your place.

You can hear the sound of his cock being rubbed and tugged so quickly it smacks loudly over the phone.

"I got us sushi from that place you like," your dad continues, the sound of a paper bag being rustled. You gasp in horror, terrified when you see the doorknob turn.

"You like that? Knowing how close I am? Knowing you got me this fucking hard?"

Joel's words are barely registering to you, you’re so terrified your dad is going to catch on. You jump up, tugging on your robe and flying to the bedroom door.

"You're gonna make me come, pretty girl."

You jerk the door open to see your dad smiling at you holding a large brown paper bag.

"I can't remember if you liked the dragon roll or-"

"Not now!" Your voice comes out choppy and breathless as you point at the ear bud still lodged in your left ear.

"Yes, now," Joel groans, mistaking your shout at your dad as directed at him. "Right fuckin' now."

"Oop, sorry to interrupt," your dad says with a sheepish smile. "Dinners here when you're finished."

You feel everything tighten in you as Joel lets out the most delicious sounding groan just as you manage to slam the door in your father's face.

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sweptawayghost · 5 months ago

Text

Light My Fire. PT 3

PAIRING: Joel Miller x Reader

DUEL POV

Word count: 3.6K

CHAPTER WARNING: This Fic contains mature themes and i use the same tags for every chapter. These themes consist of the following: Alcohol consumption, Domestic abuse, masturbation, WLW, Toxic situationship, cheating, creampie, on page sexual encounters, pet names, Big old age gap, Duel POV, menton of guns/weapons, slow burn, flirting, friends to lovers, angst, rough intercourse, No use of Y/N.

If I've missed anything feel free to let me know.

Series summary: Joel Miller is down bad for the first time in a long time. After him and Ellie arrive and settle into life in Jackson, Joel is itching to get out. He becomes your patrol partner but he could be so much more if you give him the chance.

This will be a slow burn

Anything written in italic indicates someone talking to themselves

Hello anyone who cares enough to read this!

So I had previously written two parts of a series I was planning titled “In Dreams” . Since then I have decided I want to change how I write this and have decided that a good old fashioned POV would be more enjoyable to write. So this will be the main series but I will leave my previous works up. if you have already red my first part of In Dreams you don't really need to read this one but i have changed a few things

Thank you for reading and as always your feedback is appreciated!!!!!

Chapter Summary: Joel has a wonderful dream about you…

Tommy calls in a favor…

///

JOEL

I felt the sun on the back of my neck and the sweat starting to bleed through the thin fabric of my t-shirt. It felt like I was seeing the sun for the first time in a few days after being locked in a dark room, my mouth felt dry and my legs felt like lead. I raised my hand to guard my eyes from the sun trying to take in my surroundings. To my left I saw dry, yellow grass cascading down small mounts and a gravel path, I saw dust pick up from the path and get carried away in the soft breeze that picked up and died quickly. I felt like I was trudging through quicksand and like everything was in slow motion. Shit, am I about to pass out. I turned my head to the right and saw a rocky riverbed. I know this place.

I let my eyes follow the direction of the running water, as my eyes followed the river I saw a small collection of trees and shrubbery. The green leaves and brush are a stark contrast from the grass and weeds I was currently walking on.

I had never been a fan of hot weather. I didn't like being sweaty and sticky, I didn't like how easily the heat cracked my lips and I didn't like how much it reminded me of home.

Home

I walked towards the cluster of green, the heavy canopy of the trees creating little room for sunlight to hit the dirt that lay beneath it. The dirt cool on my feet and the slow but constant breath coming from the river wrapped itself around me. The sound of the water rushing and folding and bubbling clouded all other sounds. Water meant safety. In my half dazed state I could have sat and watched the water roll for hours.

I knew this place because I had seen it before. You showed it to me on our way out of Jackson one day. You told me that you wanted to bring me and Ellie here in the summertime. You had told me how beautiful it looked when the flowers were all blooming, the buzz of the bees was a song and the water, although cold, felt like being reborn. And although I had only seen it in the beginning of winter, I knew it was the same place. I let my eyes drift further down the bank of the river.

I wasn't alone.

I saw you

You were laying down on your stomach on a small dark red blanket, your legs were bent at the knee and you were swaying your feet back and forth. The grass that lived under these trees was bright green and still smelt like morning dew. Totally untouched by the scorching heat that I had just walked in from.

You had that worn brown leather bound book in your hands that I had seen you write in before. Ratty scraps of paper poked out the side, bits of scrap, paper clips and a coloured card practically spilling out.

I had seen you pull it out and scribble down an idea or a drawing of something you liked, a recipe, a reminder. A common place for your brain to spill onto paper and become a reality, almost like you were trying to savour a fleeting moment or as if you were spewing out a memory before it slipped from your mind again.

You would make lists, things you wanted. Things you needed. Poems you would show me after you like alcohol lock away your embarrassment. Words you couldn't speak out loud.

Moments that felt unbelievable in your mind. I would give my left testile for an hour of uninterrupted alone time with that book. Just to pick through all the parts of your brain you deemed too special or too intimate or too shameful to share with me.

“ I would rather walk through the streets of Jackson naked than let you read this book, Joel Miller.” You had told me once.

As I got closer to you I noticed that you weren't wearing any clothes and while not much was on display it was the most naked I had ever seen you. It was the most naked I had seen anyone in a while for that matter. I continued my approach slowly as if I was creeping up on a jumpy animal, worried that a noise too loud would interrupt whatever moment was about to unfold. You looked over at me and flashed me a smile I was familiar with. It was the one you gave me when you were tired or were caught zoning out or when you felt troubled or worried.

I stopped momentarily to take in the form in front of me. Your hair looked so soft draped around your face, your eyes seemed to call me in like a siren call to a sailor.inviting. hungry. small spots of sunlight broke through the trees lighting up spots on your body, the soft drop of your shoulders, the curve over the swell of your ass, the curve of your legs as they softly swayed back and forth.

“Hey baby”

There it was again. That goddamn nickname that drove me crazy. I loved how easily it fell from your mouth. You had called me many names before but Baby has been my favourite. You called me daddy once and even though you said it as a joke I still went home and made myself cum three times thinking about you moaning it into my ear as I fucked you into the mattress.

“Hey baby” I mirrored your words as I strode over to where you were sprawled out on the ground. I tried to see what you were reading but a stream of light bobbed through the trees blinding me from looking into the deepest part of your mind.

Blood rushed to my cock when I let my eyes roam over your body.

It was unfair how fast you could affect me. Your voice, your touch, your smell. The way you would look at me with “Please rip my clothes off and destroy me” eyes.

Not fucking fair.

I wanted to touch you. I wanted you to touch me. Please touch me.

I had never seen you look so content and bliss, almost as if the last twenty years were just a bad dream. A few scars littered your shoulder and back that I hadn't had the chance to admire yet and they looked alot like the ones I carried on my body.

I let my knees fall into the soft dirt by your side. Your skin looked so soft. Droplets of water still littered your skin and slipped from the ends of your hair. I reached out and ran my hand down from your shoulder, dragging my fingers through the drops of water as my hand trailed lower.

I didn't feel like I was in control of myself, I felt like my hand was working on auto pilot or some invisible force was guiding me, taking my hand to the place I so desperately wanted to be.

I heard the thud of your book followed by a low oan, so quiet I almost didn't hear it over the stream behind us.

I couldn't think straight, I felt high or drunk, I was being pulled like a puppet on a string by some asshole who wanted to play god with my body. I threw one of my legs over you, straddling your legs with the swell of your ass pushed against my aching cock.

Please don't shift your hips or move in any way, don't look at me with those eyes and don't reach out and touch me. I tried to tell myself. But I know it's a lie and why am I fighting it so much.

You let out another coo of pleasure before rutting your ass up slightly, grinding the soft flesh against the obvious outline of my cock through the rough denim. God I could burst right now, just from the slightest of contact with you and I wouldn't even be embarrassed.

Again, whoever was pulling my puppet strings took over and I was leaning down and lapping at the flesh on your shoulders, your neck, your arms. My hands brushed over your back and sides causing goosebumps to break out all over your skin. This earnt me another moan to which I ground down into your body and felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. Your moans of satisfaction just encouraged me to keep going. She wants you just as bad.

I sit back on my haunches and reach for the button and zip on my jeans. I was aching to be free of the confines of my clothes. I pulled the zip of my jeans down and let me cock jud out and rest between your closed thighs.

Your skin was so warm and welcoming to my touch, you were so vulnerable, so needy and it was all for me.

"Look at me" came out more of a demand than a request. Your eyes flashed open and locked onto me. eyes never leaving each other as I lowered myself into you. Your brows furrowed and your mouth opened slightly with the intrusion.

I moaned Into the side of your head as I began to shift my hips into you but stopped quickly when I noticed your face had dropped from twisted pleasure and returned to neutral.

A million different senators started running through my head.

Well that's it, you've fucked it now Joel.

You've hurt her

You miss read the situation

She was too afraid to tell you to stop.

Shit shit shit

“What's wrong?” I asked searching your face for anything that would help me understand what I did wrong.

“Joel” your voice came out distorted and distant. Like you were calling me from another room.

“What is it? Did I hurt you?”

A twisted smile painted your face as I started to pull out of you. Your skin that was soft, warm and buttery now felt cold and rough against the skin of my pelvis.

“Wake up”

///

YOU

Surely it can be better than this

Does he not see that I'm over it

I should really finish off some of those knitting projects. Everytime I get close to finishing one I just put it down and start another one.

I should really clear out my “junk” draw and see what I can trade for it

I wonder how much snow we’re gonna get over the weekend

All thoughts that ran through my head as I started up at the man on top of me. For a second I forgot he was even there. The feel of his clammy skin against mine felt all wrong and forced. Like a married couple who had sex once a week in an attempt to keep their spark.

His body glistened with sweat in the low blue hue of the morning and as droplets formed on his forehead one dripped down into my cheek.

Goddam how is he so sweaty right now.

The chemistry between Dean and I once felt electric and the sex was passionate. He made me feel alive when he arrived. He had that haunted look in his eyes that is just so irresponsible to women. His weight on top of me didn't always feel so suffocating and the feeling of his hands grazing my skin didn't always make me itchy. Looking up at him now he just looks… pathetic.

Does he think that feels good?

I had been laying in missionary for 10 minutes with my knees nearly up to my ears. His eyes were sealed shut and his mouth open puffing in and out.

God, his breath smells.

Although most of my sexual encounters hadn't been anything spectacular I still wanted to believe that the next person would be the one to blow me away. To make me feel so good that I forget about the outside world and take me to O town in a matter of minutes.

Ouch, he's leaning on my hair.

I tried to concentrate on the pressure building in my stomach as he thrusted into me at an uneven rapid pace but my mind kept wandering about mundane tasks like taking my trash out and cleaning my bedding as soon as Dean left and my next work detail.

My work detail with Joel.

Joel

This wasn't the first time my mind wondered to Joel in times of pleasure.

Joel with the big veiny hands.

The first time I touched myself to the image of his face I felt so guilty I couldn't look him in the eyes the next day.

Joel with the amazing brown eyes.

The second time was to the smell of him that lingered on his shirt he let me borrow. Or really I had washed for him and didn't give it back.

Joel with the muscles.

The first time I thought of him during sex was a few days ago when Dean showed up outside my door with that shit eating grin on his face.

Joel with the scruffy facial hair that I'm sure would feel amazing between my thighs.

I looked up at Dean above me, still with his eyes screwed shut, mouth still open and started imagining Joel between my legs instead. I wonder what he would be like in bed. Would he be hard and rough?

Would he be tender and passionate?

Joel with the broad shoulders and the tall, intimidating frame.

I should feel bad for wishing Dean was someone else but fuck it.

Joel, Joel, Joel.

Dean finished a few minutes later. Pulling out and cumming on my stomach before flopping off me and onto the mattress. The dude is such a loser he wouldn't even bother getting me a rag so I could clean myself up.

I bet Joel would never do that.

///

JOEL

Well that's it. Dean Hickman has to die.

I'm not sure when I decided this but I know it was somewhere between us getting back from our little adventure and now.

Several weeks had passed and the snow started to sit thick on the streets of Jackson.

People seemed chipper despite the bitter cold, Children still played in the street and there was even talk of a winter holiday celebration. It did seem like a bit of a waste given we had very limited resources at this time, but hell, everyone deserves to cut loose every now and again.

It had been a few days since I'd seen you as well. And I mean actually seen you and not just looked at you leaving your home from my lounge room window. Stalker much.

With the cold came illness and that meant extra work detail.

Being the kind person that you are, you put your hand up to help. I couldn't keep up with your whereabouts from day to day. You were in the stables, then the kitchens, then the greenhouse and then helping out in the bison. It didn't matter the work, Maria pointed her finger and you went. Such an obedient girl.

I saw Dean walk up to your house last night. I don't understand what you see in the guy. He's a total… Dick bag. I mean it, he's arrogant, self centred, dimwitted, down right obnoxious and possibly worst of all, he can't shoot for shit, he could throw himself on the ground and miss. And my god was he a moron, I don't say it lightly, he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

What the hell did you see in that guy?

I also found it interesting that you never interacted with each other during the day. It always seemed to be after the sun had set and just from general observation, after he had a drink and was looking for a warm spot to put his cock.

He was bad for you, a distraction, a parasite sucking the life from you.

He needed to go. Maybe then you’ll see that you deserve so much better. I'm not saying it had to be me, although it's a nice dream, but someone better than that.

I heard a shout from down the street. Turning my head towards the sound, it's coming from your house. Not unusual when the morning came and Dean was leaving. It takes everything in me not to rush down there, grab the son of a bitch by the collar of his shirt and beat him to a bloody pulp in the street for everyone to witness. Who the fuck did he think he was.

But every time I held back. I knew you could handle yourself, I knew that if push came to shove you would be able to deal with him and as cruel as it might sound I hoped it would get bad enough that you would never open your door to him again. I hated to think that you were spoken to and treated like garbage but maybe tough love was what you needed?

I looked over at your door, where Dean had begun his show of leaving, Kicking open the wire door. I just fixed that fucking thing, dont worry joel, bigger things at play here.

I watched as he made his way down the street in the direction of my house. I couldn't keep the scowl that formed on my face as I saw the look of hurt and disappointment on his face. I would be lying if i said that the thought of him on his knees desperate for you to take him back and you rejecting him doesnt make me happy.

I leant on one of the wooden pillars with a cup of coffee in one hand and the other shoved in my pocket.

I kept my eyes fixed on him as he began to saunter past, glaring at me. I know he sees the grin on my face because he rolls his eyes at me and straightens his back, puffing out his chest a bit. “ What the fuck are you looking at old man?” he spat out at me as he went past. Old man? Hm. I sized him up as he went past. I could take this guy, it would be like breaking a toothpick. He's all bark and no bit.

Maybe I should ask Tommy to put him on patrol with me.

I kept my mouth shut. I'll bide my time. I'm patient.

I fixed my eyes back to your house where a fresh smiley face Tommy is approaching with a winter hat in hand, you step out onto the porch before he even gets up the stairs.

You were wearing a dark red knitted jumper with a matching hat. You had made a similar set for Ellie in a dark green and were currently working on mine which you picked an oatmeal colour for, telling me that it will compliment my skin.

You stopped short when you saw Tommy. A look of concern laced your expression. I watched as the two of you spoke, I sipped my coffee pretending to look anywhere but at you. I should bring a book out next time.

I turn away to walk back inside when I see that your conversation with Tommy has met its end and he begins to descend the steps of your house. Before I close the door I see you let out a huff of air that fills your cheeks before you scratch your forehead and you begin to race up the opposite end of the street.

I close the door and make my way into the kitchen, dropping my mug into the sink along with Ellies bowl from breakfast. That kid had been hard to pin down lately. If she wasnt hauled up in her room she was out with friends or coming home past dark when I had already climbed into bed. The nights I spent with you ironically seemed to be the nights I saw her the most. She really did like you. It was nice to see her open up to someone. I liked seeing you two sitting on the front steps whispering to each other before throwing your heads back in laughter as you slapped one another's arms. You made me feel closer to her.

I made my way to the lounge room, grabbing the latest book loan from the coffee table and plonking down in the armchair by the front window. I see the deep red of your sweater flash past my window again before you disappear down the other end of the street.

Other folks on the street greeted you as you raced past them.

And while you smile at them as you pass, there is no humour in your face.

What the hell are you up to?

///

YOU

When I left the house that morning the last person I expected to see on my porch was Tommy. Hat in hand looking like a little school boy who was in trouble. I thought he was gonna ask me about changing work details for the day or wanting to borrow a cup of sugar or a book.

“Can you help me find Joel a date?” was one of the Last things I expected to come out of his mouth. “Maria is worried about him being alone and we wanted some help finding him someone to sink time into, if you know what i mean”

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