sworddove - Tumblr blog

[sworddove]

Halloween and horror desktop backgrounds <3

[sworddove]

why do i have to speak why is it not enough to show up somewhere and have giant eyes

[sworddove]

something people don’t appreciate enough is the fact that different songs on midnights explore the same topics in numerous, sometimes contradictory ways. on snow on the beach, she’s scared that a new relationship might not work out; on labyrinth, she’s terrified that it might. snow on the beach also talks about the celestial forces that bring two people together; mastermind confesses that she was the force in question all along. bejeweled describes the confidence and freedom of bending the rules of a relationship; high infidelity is filled with guilt and terror for simply dancing with another guy. she takes the money on you’re on your own, kid, but she feels stifled by it on anti-hero. she ends you’re on your own, kid with inspiring words; on dear reader, she warns the audience not to listen to her advice. she burns in hell on anti-hero, but karma is her god on karma. she can face any struggle fame throws at her on you’re on your own, kid, but she’s too soft for all of it on sweet nothing. she’s a diamond and a monster on the hill at the same time. it’s almost like each story is told from multiple perspectives like the love triangle on folklore, but instead of several fictional characters, the narrators all exist in different corners of taylor’s mind.

[sworddove]

Green Love Letter by Masa-San, Fujino, Kanagawa, Japan

[sworddove]

it's not your fault, though

you want my love only when it's convenient. only when one of us is hurting and the other can comfort them like a mother would (because she never did, did she?). only when i play what you want me to play and say what you want me to say because you're obsessed with control while simultaneously crumbling underneath it. i don't fit here but you don't let me go because people left you too much already and i am forced to be funny and kind and a ray of sunshine but "please never shine too brightly as to not overwhelm anyone". i am allowed to be passionate but only about subjects that you are passionate about otherwise it will become awkward and unwanted even if you say that it isn't. i am a knight and knights don't have passions besides keeping everyone else's passions safe. and when i get the courage to share something cool that happened like the song that spoke to me in a way i have never felt before you support me but in a way one would support a small child who rambles about dinosaurs; with a kind smile but deep boredom of someone who wants this to be over. and when i see genuine interest from my sister, and when my therapist tells me that nobody is truly ever alone, and when i meet people who don't love me only when i make an effort to mold myself for them, then and only then i say "i think it's time for me to go".

[sworddove]

A.

year or two ago in February, i promised myself that i will never become A., and no matter what life throws my way i will never leave my friend stranded. i went from "i hate her how could she do this to me" to "i can't hate her, not truly" twenty times a day and went to bed with my mind uneasy. A. was younger but we shared a birthday and now this is a scar that i can't get rid of because every time that day is around all i'm thinking about is how she celebrates it at the same time with a friend that used to be mine and a life that is so much better because she knows what she's doing. my memory is blurry as fuck but i glance at the choices i made after A. left and still shudder. it used to be worse. it used to be clarity and bile that rose up my throat every time i thought about her and 17th and rooftops and czech lesson fresh in my mind. "our trip to france" my ass. we spent two years glued at the hip. inevitably she rubbed off on me which is funny because i started this speech with "i am not her" but i am already infected with A.'s behavior and speech patterns and there is nothing i can do to undo the damage that comes with fusing with someone that strongly. i see her every time i play with a boy i don't have feelings for. i feel her when i watch bad tv-shows that i've never watched before. i hear her in my spotify playlist at 4 am and in the voice that tells me what to wear. i cook ramen the same way she taught me and the only reason why i get rid of water bottles in my room is that A.'s was littered with them. but as i step away from friendship with someone, and as i drop out of uni, and as my obsession with a game makes me grind for hours i don't see her anymore. because i made sure that they have a support system and will be fine without me. because i know what i want to pursue instead and i am willing to work for it. because i don't surround myself with teammates who value k/d/a more than someone's mental health. and as i make distance with A., i get closer to myself. i wear the patches of her behavior like pins on a tote bag, not really caring if they get lost on my way to another stop or get deformed because of the sun or the bus seats or new people that put stickers on them. they are now uniquely mine to keep.

[sworddove]

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒚

[sworddove]

Love is everywhere if you look close enough

[sworddove]

i need to read every poem ever and listen to every song and read every book and see every painting and know everything about every piece of art and creation ever thought about or put on this earth and then maybe i’d be normal and fine

[sworddove]

I love a song that makes me feel like i’m inside a jar of honey

[sworddove]

@taylor-is-gorgeous

[sworddove]

learning willow as first guitar song is like putting a newborn rat in a maze but i am nothing if not determined (i Can and Will hurt my hands)

[sworddove]

i’ve never posted anything on tumblr before but by the looks of it everyone is just insane and want to become more insane like a competition (also it has pretty interface)