sydsliftingface

[sydsliftingface]

i don’t need a “day off” or a “weekend” i need to respawn in a clean apartment with all my responsibilities reset and the complete certainty that nobody hates me

[sydsliftingface]

Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

[sydsliftingface]

[sydsliftingface]

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

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[sydsliftingface]

Why do we say “slept like a baby” when babies literally wake up screaming every two hours?

I want to sleep like a middle-aged dad who “rests his eyes” during a Marvel movie and wakes up refreshed, confused, and ready to barbecue.

[sydsliftingface]

is that a hard boiled egg in your back pocket or is your penis just round and on the wrong side

[sydsliftingface]

[sydsliftingface]

The happy lil tail 🥹🐈🐈

[sydsliftingface]

“I am looking respectfully” “im so normal about this” can you bark actually? Can you hit yourself over the head w a frying pan like a cartoon wolf? Can you look at it derangedly please?

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[sydsliftingface]

i need someone to kiss me like they’re actually trying to devour me or i’ll die or something

[sydsliftingface]

Guys can somebody please send or tag me in a Cinderella… meme

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[sydsliftingface]

i love you and we will make it thru this together

[sydsliftingface]

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

[sydsliftingface]